Month: June 2013

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That Wasn’t Worth It, Or Was It?

I got a wonderful email from an inquirer yesterday. I read it as the wind shook the huge banana leaves hanging above me, and thunder rolled in the distance, ready for a tropical Balinese storm.

The inquirer mentioned something that I could definitely relate to, agonizingly so in the past.

Why sign up for a retreat, workshop, training, even an educational degree when your experience so far with other programs is disappointing?

Why sign up when the thing you enrolled in was dang expensive, or required many hours of time, or involved boring homework…and then you weren’t sure it was worth it?

Such a great question. What makes something worth it?

When I think about the answer, and study building programs myself, and watch how other people do it…I come up with three important reasons why I’ve ever signed up for something:

  1. I wanted some kind of change, a result…maybe even desperately. I’ve signed up for programs to make more money, heal my relationship with food, feel healthier physically, learn how to make a website, change my stressful thinking.
  2. I was thrilled for the information, fascinated, learning about an entirely new human perspective, having an experience (this is the kind of “program” foreign travel offers—like visiting Bali)
  3. I knew the process itself would feel good and/or transformational, and I could even let go of the outcome (or I might even forget about it) because participating all by itself would be fun, enlightening, powerful.

The things that I have thought of as “worth it” most often have had all three parts present.

I remember when I was in graduate school for Applied Behavioral Science (it sounds a bit stuffy but basically, it was the study of human behavior and psychology).

The tuition was ginormous for me. I think the most money I had ever needed to come up with for anything in my entire life.

But I thought that the program would give me the result of a better and higher paying job, a better career life….more job responsibility, more money, more expertise.

I took loans, I received some gift funds from family, I put tuition on my credit card.

Part way through the first year, I knew that it was OK if I never used my degree, I was still so happy I had signed up. Because the people I met, the group-processing we did together, the lectures, the professors, the books, the coffee-house conversations…they were all fantastic right in that present moment.

I look back at the work involved in getting that degree, and I still think “that was worth it”. Even though for a couple of years, I DIDN’T “do” anything with the degree.

Everyone knows already that I think Byron Katie’s School for The Work was worth it. It was completely life-changing for me, coming at just the right time, with just what I needed to grow and expand myself in spirit.

But no one needs any programs. Except the ones they wind up signing up for!

The thing is, some courses or trainings, jobs, workshops, relationships, activities…they aren’t going to feel “worth it” in some ways. There may be gap in one of those three pieces I listed above that feels like its missing.

You might even feel like “that relationship was so NOT WORTH IT” or “that job was a waste of time” or “that educational program taught me nothing” or “I don’t have any more money now than I had before”….but I know there is something that we receive from everything we do.

“Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing.”~Eckhart Tolle

Last year I participated in a one year program with Stephan Bodian, the wonderful spiritual teacher who was also a psychologist for 30 years. I had never met him before, but I liked his book “Wake Up Now”.

His program is called The School for Awakening, which made me laugh (knowing you can’t ever guarantee awakening for anything or anyone). I knew he also thought that was funny, and I liked his sense of humor.

I let my thoughts bubble on it, for about a month, before I contacted Stephan and signed up. It was very strange, because I did not feel like I needed it, I did not feel like I must change, and I had no expectations in particular.

I also knew that if I did NOT like the other people, I would have work to do. If I did not like the format, or the schedule, or the flying, or the fee…I would write down my thoughts and question them and inquire. I would also speak up, if I thought it could go better or I had a suggestion (thank goodness I’ve learned this one over time).

My decision, that seemed more to make me than for me to make it, came more from #3 in the list above: just participating in the process, and seeing what happened.

To join with others, for me, makes it easier (and harder), more fun (sometimes less fun), an adventure, and I don’t float away and forget the divine grace that is present. I keep showing up.

I enjoyed our group so much, and Stephan, that I signed up to repeat it again. We were all investigators together, and the investigation continues.

Maybe that’s why humankind has made religious practice and ritual and ceremony and showing up in groups something vital for life, for thousands of years.

And that’s why I created the teleclasses and programs I facilitate, by the way. Because its so very fun, and there is so much learning, for me personally…and such a wonderful journey.

I love working with you, with the ones who are called at just this right timing, so we can all look together at stopping resistance, war, need, desperation, craving, grabbing, grasping, longing, wishing, worrying….

“Without even knowing it I started to investigate, in a quiet and very deep way, what it would be like not to be at war with my own mind, with what I felt, with my whole human experience.” ~ Adyashanti

Love, Grace

P.S. Several spaces left in the 8 week teleclass starting 6/13 Earning Money, exploring what we think and feel about money, business, our work, our jobs that brings on suffering, lack, anxiety and worry about the future. We start Thursdays 5:15 – 6:45 Pacific time.

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Make Thinking Easy By Thinking Real Hard

I’m high-lighting all the upcoming classes right here front and center, with the links to register or find out more, since so many of you have questions. Skip on down below this list for the daily Grace Note!

  • A Year Of Inquiry For The Addictive Mind: Life Support For The Compulsive Thinker. June 11, 2013 – May 20, 2014, Tuesday teleclasses 8 – 9:30 am * 2 in-person retreats Sept and March Seattle * Powerful Group work. Option to do teleclasses only for those living far away! Click here to read all about it.
  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, June 13 – August 8, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. No class June 27. 8 weeks $395.Register Here. 
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Investigating the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating And Food. Tuesdays, June 11 – July 30, 2013 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 12 – August 30, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here. 
  • Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays, 6/15, 8/10, 9/7, 10/12, 11/30, 2013, 1:30-5:30 pm. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks, $55 repeater rate. Click here to register for mini-retreats:
  • Loving Your Body Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat. June 26-30, 2013.For all the information please click HERE.

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I got a wonderful note from an inquirer the other day with a link about recovering from the anxious mind.

I was laughing out loud as I watched!

The little news video concludes that the solution to an obsessively thinking, anxious, compulsive mind is to dive into the thoughts and investigate them from every possible angle.

The news clip is a total spoof, but in it, there are some powerful grains of truth.

The true idea inside this funny video is that “the way out, is the way in”.

In other words, when you’re trying to beat your mind, crush your mental chatter, eliminate, go to war, destroy, alter, radically change your thinking….then what you resist persists.

As we’ve all heard, from Star Trek, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

So given that, let’s go ahead and dive full head on into the swimming pool of stressful thinking.

Let’s swim and immerse ourselves in it, so we see it, identify it clearly, wallow in it….and then capture just one of the thoughts, one at a time, and start to study and investigate it, with all our heart.

The Great Relief, thank goodness, are the steps and structure offered by inquiry, the four questions and then finding the turnarounds.

Without the capacity to inquire, we just believe everything we think…and get tied up in a ball of stress and anxiety that is sometimes almost unbearable.

At least that’s the way it was for me. Chasing after one belief, then another, then another, going around in circles VERY confused.

The Good News….the mind actually likes inquiry. It’s like it finally has something to do with all those compulsive, repetitive stressful thoughts.

At least that’s been my experience.

When I feel anxious, or like I’m ruminating and re-visiting a situation at hand over and over, when I FEEL the stress, then I know what to do!

Ask the four questions! Find the turnaround! Really consider that thought from every angle!

Thinking about it real hard….can become thinking about it real easy.

Yes, even THAT terrible situation that plagues you, maybe for many years. Even that person who hurt you, or that difficult loss, or that weird confusing experience.

You can do it, you can question your mind.

If you need the support of a group and a facilitator, then check out the classes above.

I myself did not do inquiry by myself for about 2 years after reading Loving What Is. I had to schedule myself to go to The School…and then, I needed to partner with a great facilitator for two years every single week…and then, I had to connect with tele classes of people doing The Work.

It was not easy for me to just sit down and do The Work, unless I was feeling tortured.

Join us for inquiry, if it’s right for you. Find a partner. Put it in your calendar.

Make thinking easy. If that’s all you do in your entire life….you’ve done something amazing.

Click here to have a chuckle! And then go question one of your stressful thoughts.

Love, Grace

If you like this article, forward it to friends, family or colleagues. To get on the list to receive these directly via email, go to www.workwithgrace.com and enter your email in the sidebar. Your email will not be sold or used for any other purpose than these Grace Notes articles and announcements. You can Unsubscribe at any time by clicking at the bottom of any newsletter.  

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Chicken Soup For The Nit-Picky Mind

News flash: Breitenbush has 2 spots free. Join us for an in-person inquiry retreat in Oregon June 26-30. It will be fabulous. Click here for all the info.

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Have you ever thought of yourself as being too negative?

You notice a little complaint rise up about the temperature, or you notice that your co-worker’s laugh is rather annoying, or you see how your artwork is never quite good enough, or your spouse keeps repeating himself the same irksome way.

Today I was hiking through the jungle in Bali. Really, it was Raiders of The Lost Ark along ancient-looking paved walkways and steep staircases descending to a valley, gigantic waterfalls, wild mist rolling in, long stone stair steps all the way back up to the top of the village perched on the edge of a volcano, stunning views of the Bali Sea sparkling for a second in the distant before huge dark warm clouds rolled in again.

As I was hiking, with eyes as big as lightbulbs, it occurred to me that I haven’t included in Grace Notes enough of the glorious, quite stunning, exotic and awe-striking aspects of this country that I’ve encountered.

I’ve been too negative, mentioning a few little forays into rather minor, although perhaps stressful, situations.

What will people think!?

If you’re too negative, people get fed up. If you’re too nit-picky, people can’t take it anymore and they leave. If you’re too critical, people say mean things to you. If you’re too pessimistic, people won’t give you what you want.

The way I see it, there are two very important (and stressful) belief-systems to question in this line of thinking:

  1. I need people, I need to be liked, I want to be loved, I dislike being alone.
  2. Can I question that thing I consider to be negative, nit-picky, critical, pessimistic?

Yes, so even if the thought seems minor, sort of stupid, not really that important…and petty, childish, and dumb…put it on paper, and take it to inquiry.

For example: “her voice is too sweet like fake maple syrup” or “I don’t talk about what is positive often enough” or “He should stop talking” or “I’m too nit-picky”.

So I decided to inquire.

What is going on in that moment when I have the thought “her voice is too fakey”?

Why do I care? What does it mean?

And what about the moment I think that being negative is bad?

“I need people to like me.” Is that actually true? Yes. It would be terrible if people hate me! It would be bad if that person with the fakey voice knew what I was thinking about her.

I really do need to be a positive person. It’s just better for the world….really? 

YES!

Can I absolutely KNOW that this is true?

YES! Positivity is better! Down with negativity!

How I react when I believe the thought that people, including me, should be positive all the time? Ack, it’s a lot of work. And feels dishonest, false, like an energy-drain.

I notice, also, that when someone else seems super-dee-dooper positive like Ned Flanders, I am judgmental of them. So there’s a line…this is not really logical. I just want to control the situation and have it go “well”.

Thinking that it’s better to be one certain way becomes a trap, and I stop being able to be freely whatever is here, in this moment.

Who would I be without the thought that positive is better…because I need to be liked?

What would that really be like to NOT have the thought that I need to be any different than I am, and that I need love, or that I don’t have it already?

I’d be in the present, here looking around, noticing the mind running on like usual (that rascal) and watching it go on about its preferences and dislikes…but not really believing any of it.

I’d have a nice conversation with the syrup-voice woman and find she’s very awesome, and I’d notice he doesn’t interrupt me about 98% of the time, and I’d realize that sometimes, it’s hilariously funny how negative the mind can get.

When I turn all the thoughts around, I discover that I’m not too negative, and sometimes I’m too positive (ha!) and I’m noticing just the right amount of tiny details (the nit-picky part) and I actually do not need that person, or anyone, to like me.

“As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that…. That is why people are always searching for a meaning to life… Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind.” ~ Anthony de Mello

It is indeed a strange mystery that I never could have predicted a decade ago, or EVER, that I would be in another land called Bali.

I have learned so much, and watched my mind, and been delighted in the Course in Miracles idea being so vivid “I do not know what anything is for.”

And I also know that you don’t have to go here, ever, to have adventure. Life is a mystery, right where you are.

Love, Grace

P.S. Three spaces left in the One Year Program which starts on Tuesday, June 11th at 8:00 am Pacific time with our first 90 minute telecall…an inner adventure in reality. Also, 8 week MONEY class Thursdays, June 13th 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm Pacific time, and FOOD/EATING class Tuesdays, June 11th 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm.

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The Truth About Hiding Dirty Mental Laundry

Yesterday I shared the TOP 4 healing elements that offered me peace from the extremely compulsive way of thinking, and ACTING, that I used to engage in from time to time.

Well, OK, that I engaged in almost constantly.

I must confess, my mind still works at warp speed quite a bit of the time.

It’s not like I’ve stopped thinking. I see images, pictures, and scenarios either that I make up for the future, or that already happened in the past.

I have sounds or smells or voices pop into my consciousness. I have memories or visions come to mind in an instant. I experience uncomfortable feelings.

Even when I’m meditating sometimes, the mind sometimes has endless commentary.

But there is something very, very different about my experience that is hard to describe….and feels much easier than it once felt.

And often, it feels wondrous, alive, accepting, or joyful.

I think Byron Katie puts it best when she says that she thinks thoughts, but doesn’t BELIEVE them.

The second step that I mentioned yesterday, out of those top four components to healing a troubling relationship with “x” (you fill in the blank for yourself) was revealing my innermost thoughts and feelings to fellow companions in total honesty…NO HIDING or running away.

This is big. Pretty scary for just about everyone.

It’s exposing your dirty laundry! EEEGADS!

Thoughts about telling the truth of how we really feel…to OTHER PEOPLE…even thoughts ABOUT those other people right to their face…yikes, that can feel so incredibly frightening!

It’s like you know you’re not being utterly and truly honest, and you have questions, concerns, fears, or observations. You can ignore it or hold it in for longer, or you can bring it up.

NO! Not bring it UP! I don’t want to talk about it to that person! They’ll hate me! They’ll get angry!

I’ve got to show CLEAN laundry! Pretty laundry! Presentable laundry!

They’ll think I’m mean, selfish, rude! They’ll yell at me, or leave the room and slam the door, or ask for a divorce, or get super scared and run into the street screaming for help!

They’ll tell everyone they know, and everyone I know, what a nasty person I am that I mentioned this hurtful thing, that I asked for what I wanted, or that I spoke of my feelings.

Then MORE people will think I’m horrible than just that person to whom I told the truth of how I felt. News will spread and I’ll be rejected and no one will want to be my friend.

EVER AGAIN!

A war will start! Either a small personal emotional war, or WWIII.

“If I tell what I’m thinking OUT LOUD, then the other person(s) will suffer—and then I will suffer—and nothing good will come of it.”

That’s a belief. It can be questioned.

I remember hearing encouragement from various healing practitioners to tell the truth. The whole truth.

But I thought what I was thinking was so YUCKY and HORRID. I should be ashamed of myself just having these thoughts.

Early on, when doing The Work at my first school, I edited one of my worksheets when reading it out loud to my facilitator. I could read most of it but not THAT sentence.

The facilitator might judge me and be disgusted!

So let’s begin….is it true that if I tell the truth about my inner feelings and thoughts that some person, or people, will suffer or be repulsed?

Can I know for sure that it would be better to zip it? Can I know that if it hurts someone’s feelings, I should not speak it?

No.

OK, they might feel hurt. But can I know this is bad, in the great big scheme of things? Do I really have control of other peoples’ feelings?

No.

When I believe the thought that I should always keep quiet lest my words or feelings disturb someone else….then I become plastic. I become false. Energy gets stuck inside. I look nice on the outside, and feel angry, tormented, sad, or very anxious on the inside.

“Can you understand how the mind has a plan? You’re planning to fear war that isn’t even going on….but I invite you to wait for the real war, and live in a state of grace.” ~ Byron Katie

When I question my worried thoughts about revealing myself honestly, then I can breathe, and share myself.

I can write a worksheet that has EVERYTHING in it I ever imagined saying, and then NOT EDIT it when I’m reading it out loud to a facilitation partner.

What a relief.

And speaking these terrible thoughts, or wonderful thoughts, out loud and exposing them, and me….I actually become more accepting and loving.

Less afraid of war. And laundry.

I actually start getting excited about telling the truth. Even if it’s terrifying and I know that the person I speak it to might leave, or judge, or feel uncomfortable.

I do NOT know, absolutely, that what I am saying is “wrong”. I do not have an internal war going on before I even talk out loud. I don’t have a plan, or an idea to force things to move in a certain direction.

I don’t have an Outcome all worked out. I am open to going with the flow of the universe.

“What would it be like if we didn’t avoid anything we knew to be true? What if we came out of hiding in all areas of our life? What if we stopped avoiding ourselves completely? Because that really is the awakened life.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’re wanting to tell your secrets, to confess, to tell the truth, to listen, to come out of hiding, and to not run….then doing The Work can be one of the most sincere ways to begin.

With The Work, it may feel scary, but you are getting real with what’s going on in your own mind. You write down your most troubling thoughts, and get facilitated on them.

It may feel terrifying…but it’s worth it. It can bring you into an awakened life.

Note: Two 8 week teleclasses start in June to question your stressful thoughts about FOOD (Tuesday 5:15 Pacific 6/11) and also MONEY (Thursdays 5:15 Pacific 6/13). And of course the incredible One Year Program of diving in together starts June 11th (only two spots left for that).

If you’re called, come join us! Your truth deserves to be set free out in the open….so do you.

Much love, Grace

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Being With People Healing Your Life

Many people have asked me over time how I ended my compulsive and addictive behavior, especially with food and eating.

Compulsive behavior can be one of the most painful cycles of human experience.

It’s lonely, desperate, grasping, repeats itself, and has “victim” stamped all over it.

On the surface, compulsive behavior looks like a terrible path. Like what freakin’ ding-a-ling would choose THAT?

It’s easy to see in someone else how unhappy they are, how stuck.

Drinking, eating, working, being helpful, over-exercising, dieting, using drugs, smoking, worrying, self-improving, checking email, cleaning, playing video games, watching TV, planning, shopping, porn, talking, researching the internet.

I once heard a woman share that to get over drinking alcohol, she formulated a structure to drink water instead. Even though she went to AA, she drank water every time she thought she had a craving for alcohol.

True story, she was at her doctor’s for drinking too much water, for suppressing her immune system and whatever else happens to bodies with too much water in them.

The definition of compulsive is to experience an irresistible, persistent impulse to do something.

It feels like a force that takes over consciousness…which brings in the VICTIM part. I am a victim of the force of this irresistible urge.

One thing I’ve talked about a lot is that the compulsive behavior is the result, it has to be the result, of compulsive thinking.

Even though it feels like the idea, craving, urge or command to eat comes out of the wild, blue yonder and descends like a cloud upon you…that’s the Great Illusion.

There was something there, in the mind, in the psyche, in consciousness, that was seen and believed and thought…and then a huge desire to avoid it, run from it, change it, transform it.

Work! Go running! Drink coffee! Drink rum! Consume!

Suddenly, the original worrisome idea, thought, dream, or memory vanishes and the mind is busy with something else instead. So it kinda works, temporarily.

I know I never would have eaten like a stark-raving lunatic if I hadn’t been deeply frightened, angry, confused, lost, or grief-stricken and been totally and completely against having these feelings.

I wanted to feel good, or neutral, or psyched at ALL TIMES.

I got really scared with almost any kind of strong feeling. I still get nervous sometimes.

One of the most powerful turning points for me in changing my cravings and urges was connecting with a group of people.

These people all were interested in being honest, open, authentic and understanding the truth for themselves.

The thing about getting truly close and vulnerable with other people is that; a) it is risky—someone may not love hearing what you’re really thinking if you speak it—they may leave, or fight, or dismiss you, and, b) you may not like yourself for what you’re thinking, let alone what you’re saying, and this feels pretty bad.

But telling the truth, exploring the truth, is worth it.

In fact, I would say that it is not just worth it, it is a matter of life or death.

A real, genuine, honest, powerful life….instead of a false, fakey, dishonest, powerless life…that feels like half-life or death.

When I stuffed myself, or drank a lot of alcohol, or smoked, or planned, or moved my home compulsively (I counted how many places I lived from age 18 to 30 once and it was like 22) I was either really nice, really fogged out or really hyped up.

Never calmly present. And I definitely never felt truly ALIVE.

The following items are the TOP FOUR things that helped me end really destructive compulsive behavior, apparently for….a very, very long time (these are also on my website page all about the One Year Program).

The very same four steps are what change my compulsive thinking, even without behaviors that are damaging.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got compulsive cravings and urges, but they are much more subtle…and I welcome them coming along overall.

  1. Having a guide(s) or mentor(s) and fellow travelers along the road who could see sanity at the end of my tunnel…people who could feel confident of my path, trusting, even amused in response to the way I am thinking
  2. Revealing my innermost thoughts, feelings and experiences to companions in total honesty…NO HIDING or running away
  3. Being asked by a facilitator powerful, direct, lazer-sharp questions, and answering them honestly, so I could eventually ask them of myself
  4. Staying with compassion (picture an owner saying to the puppy “STAY!”). Staying with my feelings, sensations, or painful thoughts without condemning or dismissing them, so they can be truly seen.

People….a group. That was the first big healing step, the first thing that shifted a dramatic change in my behavior.

Being honest with other people, over time…allowing contact with them that was revealing, vulnerable, expressive….this made all the difference.

I stayed with my first group for three years, almost never missing our weekly sessions. My binge-eating stopped during that time. I never went back.

I’ll continue more with this theme during this week in other posts, the rest of the steps….

…but what I learned about connecting with people authentically in this path of self-inquiry is how to love.

By not running away from anyone, especially in my support group, and agreeing that I would be totally honest….then I learned true love.

Unconditional love.

“The Master has no mind of her own. She works with the mind of the people. She is good to people who are good. She is also good to people who aren’t good. This is true goodness. She trusts people who are trustworthy. She also trusts people who aren’t trustworthy. This is true trust.”~Tao Te Ching #49

If you’re ready to connect with a small group for either 2 months, or one year, or half a day (in person) then come on over to a group class. Check out the list below.

If not this, find a partner to do The Work with. Share yourself.

The more honest and compassionate, the less compulsive your thinking will be.

Love, Grace

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Learning The Three Greatest Treasures By Doing The Work

Oh so excited to begin the One Year Program in only ten days. If you’re on the fence, there are only a few spots left. We start Tuesday June 11th at 8:00 – 9:30 am Pacific time with the first teleconference call.

By the way, since many have asked, yes you can participate in the One Year program by teleclass sessions only, if you live too far away to attend the in-person retreats. You can elect to include the solo sessions with me (4 of them) or leave them out.

I am not offended, whatever your choice! Really!

I get that the teleclass-only option is less expensive and may be all you need or want. We meet generally the second, third and fourth Tuesdays of every month. The exact dates are on on my website if you click HERE then scroll to the bottom, along with details about payments and registration.

Here’s a very short, quick look-see at the programs starting soon:

  • A Year Of Inquiry For The Addictive Mind (compulsive, repetitive thinking about some situations, people, life). We go into one topic deeply every month. Amazing group of people. Commitment to join? Monthly payments, partial payments, or least expensive if you make one payment at the start. Read all details by clicking HERE.
  • Teleclass Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, June 13 – August 8, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. No class June 27. 8 weeks $395. Register by clicking HERE.
  • Teleclass Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Investigating the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating And Food. Tuesdays, June 11 – July 30, 2013 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register by clicking HERE.
  • June 15, 1:30 – 5:30 pm Mini-Retreat In Person, Seattle $70 first time, $55 any subsequent time. 4 CEUs for mental health professionals.

Remember, always, to ask me by writing me if inability to pay is the only thing holding you back.

And with all these programs coming up, I made a decision to sign up for a one-year program myself, with a very small group and a teacher/guide/facilitator I love (Stephan Bodian, author of Wake Up Now).

Signing up for such a thing sometimes brings some major considerations…perhaps even doubts, or fears!

Committing to something long-term…now that’s dangerous. Like marriage, for example. Or going to college and plunking down all that money for a 4 (or more) year program.

  • I might change my mind part way through
  • I might hate it, once I’m “in”
  • The other people (or one other person) might drive me bonkers
  • It will use up too much time
  • It will cost too much money, emotional attention, energy
  • It won’t make me happier in the long run
  • I won’t find what I’m looking for!

It really is taking a chance to enroll in something and say “yes”. You can’t know exactly what it will be like, ever. There are no guarantees, the outcome is not certain.

But the process….for myself, I know the process, whatever it actually looks like…is something I want.

It’s like meditation…we would all think it would be CRAZY to think of promising that if you meditate regularly for one year, you will be enlightened.

Yet something about going into the silence of meditation…it is offered as a practice in nearly every religious community.

When I think about going through a process, enjoying the journey, then, when I look back at my experience when it’s all over, and I naturally ask myself “was that worth it?” then I usually say“absolutely”. 

I love how The Work and self-inquiry IS a process. It’s a sort of action/meditation. Every time I set aside time to “do” The Work, I become more naturally a person who is “done” by The Work.

In other words, as I’ve heard Byron Katie express it, I enter more and more automatically the Don’t Know Mind.

I begin to notice that I’m living in a place of openness and not knowing, of surrender and relaxation and rest. I wake up and am full of wonder about the day, and sort of delighted and waiting to see what happens.

I’m not so braced up against difficult events, when they do occur. Or, the bracing period is one heck of a lot shorter than it used to be.

The more I question my perceptions of reality, and really get that I have no idea what’s going on, but a curiosity about All This, then I find life more and more….well, fun.

Now I’m not saying that it’s ALWAYS fun. Because it’s not.

But I love having The Work as a process to engage in when I think things are not going well, or they are downright frightening.

Finally, something to do with this worried, speedy-quick, relentless mind!

Not long after I was at my first school, a wonderful inquirer and friend from that school and I agreed that we would meet on the phone every single Monday to exchange inquiry.

One of us would facilitate, one would answer the questions. I needed that pinned down on the schedule or I would NEVER get around to inquiry, not fully.

So I said YES to it. And we kept going. The “rules” were that either one of us could end this agreement at any time.

The difference it made in my life was phenomenal. It wasn’t magic, explosive, mind-blowing all in one instant. It was slow and steady over time, like the turtle in the race.

Part of my mind would say “who needs to do this work, not me…who needs to devote this much time to facilitation, not me…who needs to set up this framework of a structure, not me…I want freedom!”

But freedom was coming MORE from doing The Work than NOT doing it.

I guess that’s why humans have set up spiritual practices for thousands of years. The structure paradoxically seems to offer some sense of freedom.

So I have found the turnarounds to be true, for all my stressful thoughts about commitment and joining into programs, or getting married, or saying “yes” and setting up structure and the like.

These turnarounds look like this:

  • I might change my mind part way through—yes, likely some part of my mind will DEFINITELY decide to change. This is actually good news, and why I’m signing up–ha!
  • I might hate it, once I’m “in”—Well, I sure hope so, because then I can be right up against my fears, objections, and awareness of how I want to run or fight rather than question my thinking (Byron Katie herself sets up some exercises to offer the opportunity to face your fears in her school). ALSO I might LOVE it once I’m in!
  • The other people (or one other person) might drive me bonkers—halleluia! I’ll have the perfect real and up close experience for truly doing The Work! And wow, the other person might drive me sane! The people I connect with in any program, or my life partner, may give me the gift of peace.
  • It will use up too much time—and what else was I going to do with that time? Get obsessive? Worry? Live in my story? Watch TV? Work? Is there a better way to spend my time?
  • It will cost too much money, emotional attention, energy—the money it costs will be a stake in the ground for my commitment to awakening and learning (and I can do The Work on Money if I’m freaked out), my emotional attention is already going to other people and disturbing situations so why not give it FULL attention, and yes, investigating your reality takes energy. That’s why it’s called The Work.
  • It won’t make me happier in the long run—oooh, what a great chance to see what I think happiness is, and see if I can find happiness in the present (you can). No program is necessary. We all have everything we need to access peace, right now.
  • I won’t find what I’m looking for!—My favorite. I get to see, by having this stressful belief, that I believe something needs to be found. That I’m looking. I may have the chance here to enjoy the search instead of feeling so frustrated by it. And maybe even give up the search! WOW!

“Some say that my teaching is nonsense. Others call it lofty but impractical. But to those who have looked inside themselves, this nonsense makes perfect sense. And to those who put it into practice, this loftiness has roots that go deep. I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the source of being. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.”~Tao Te Ching #67

Doing The Work is the practice of receiving the teachings of simplicity, patience and compassion.

You teach them to yourself, these great treasures.

For me, this path of questioning my mind is stunning. This is what I came here for: returning to the source of my being, living in accord with the way things are, and feeling reconciled towards all beings in my life.

For me, this is worth making a commitment to. An understatement.

Love, Grace