Winning and Losing. People get soooo excited about these things. You may have noticed.
They scream and yell, paint their faces, don unusual clothing, carry weapons, train their bodies for hours, weeks, and years, lie, hide, cheat, defend, gather, get, hoard, sell, buy, strut, disappear….all in the effort to meet their future goal: winning or losing.
It seems like people usually like to “win”. But the very definition of the word, and its origin in English, means to toil, struggle, strive or fight. To succeed by struggling. There has to be a contest! There has to be some kind of opponent!
Otherwise….yawn.
Then there is losing. No one wants to be the loser on first glance.
Given a second look, sometimes there are big advantages. In the dictionary, lose means to perish or separate, cut apart, divide, untie, to part with accidentally or without meaning or trying to.
When we say we lost or we won something, the feeling that follows is really the thing that indicates what we believe about this loss or win.
Yay! I won! Boo! I lost!
When I began to do The Work, one wonderful thing I realized that the feelings I had about everything were such excellent clues, pointing to where I believed something was “good” or “bad”.
Today I lost my cell phone. BOOOOOO!
As I looked in all the usual places I started banging around the house. I KNOW IT’S HERE. How can it have disappeared? It was just in my hand 15 minutes ago! For cryin’ out loud!!
Hmmm, do we have a little frustration entering the scene?
The first utterance about Truth
Is the first step
Down the path of deceit.
~ Ram Tzu in No Way
Here is something misplaced, an object that seems like it is usually HERE, and now it’s NOT. So simple, so non-emergency, really not that important…and yet a little fire has come into the picture.
Even on this small scale, the thought is still present “the thing I am thinking about should be here, it is not, and I don’t like it.”
True? YES! What do you mean “is it true?!” Of course it is true!
That is exactly how I was behaving. Within maybe 10 seconds of not seeing the phone anywhere, in any of the usual places.
It is true and it sucks. It is true and this is NOT good. This is NOT convenient. This is NOT smooth. This is NOT peaceful. I demand the phone show up immediately!!
Full Stop. Um. Could this be a little stressy moment?
I notice today that I never find the phone (yet). But with self-inquiry…the reaction dissolves itself practically moments after it was arising. OK OK, an HOUR after it was arising!
Do I actually need the phone? Do I need to find those photos? Can I live without that file, those papers, my wallet, that dish, my water bottle, that earring?
How about not just living without it…but living joyfully without it. Everything still convenient, smooth, good, peaceful. What if this is funny…because something seems funny about all this now.
What could be the good news about losing my phone?
Today, I had two full hours in between clients where instead of making any return calls or texting or listening to messages or checking emails….I had a huge personal planning session for my upcoming year.
I went to a little cafe with my laptop that I haven’t been to in ages, to sit. Without a phone.
I took final notes on a new teleclass I’m ALMOST about to offer (I know some of you have been waiting) on Pain, Sickness and Death. I wrote for 30 minutes on my book I’m writing on recovering from an eating disorder. I wrote down six unfinished things that I know will be possible and fun to complete this week.
I find that each time I see the goodness, the advantage, and the peace in things going the way they do…I notice I’m….happy. Kind of simple.
Who am I without the thought that I need to feel a certain way about losing ANYTHING?
Without losing being so harsh…winning also is more mysterious. Who knows if it’s really good today. Maybe winning, whatever it is, is more normal and not so hyped up or over-the-top or exhilarating as its cracked up to be.
You may have to think for a minute to find examples of why the way it’s going is OK. You may have to be open to finding out later, that these examples will come to you at a future time.
There may be some other reason I don’t even know yet, that I’m not aware of, that what I’ve lost is good.
Not just a phone….but a marriage, my childhood, my big house, a pregnancy, my bank account, a client, part of my leg, old photos.
“Not wanting to change what is, is a state of mind that is literally unimaginable. There’s no sacrifice in it, no deprivation–quite the opposite, in fact. It means to gain everything, the everything that is already yours, and the effect is peace. People who use The Work at home as a practice tell me that they find their own freedom.”~Byron Katie
Any tiny moment where I think I have deprivation, loss….could it be that there is something gained, even as that thing is disappearing?
Could the universe be friendly?
Love, Grace