The dynamic of jealousy can be one of the most painful, agonizing experiences a human can have internally, believing their fearful thoughts about someone else being better than us, someone else ditching us or finding us unimportant, and what it could mean about the future, or about the past.
There are several kinds of jealousy, it seems: sibling jealousy, workplace jealousy, romantic jealousy, jealousy in friendships, business jealousy, success jealousy.
And then on top of it all….there is often condemnation of the person who is actually jealous. That person is crazy, insecure, wrong, mixed up, fearful, distrusting, resentful.
That jealous person needs to work through their issues! JEEZ! Get a life!
No one would want to be around a jealous person. No one wants to get involved with a jealous person. Not one wants to BE the jealous person.
I used to think of myself as very NON jealous. I rarely experienced it in romantic relationships. Why would I want a prison for a relationship? Why would I want to ask a someone to adjust their contact with others so I myself could feel more comfortable? That seemed weird.
I was sooooo above all that.
Until I noticed one day several years ago that I was “jealous” of a woman who was very successful in her field. She offered great service to clients, she was a former dancer in incredible physical condition, she is 14 years younger than me, she had a book published in 10 languages, she ran events that she led that drew 1000 people, she made six-figures every month, and she had amazingly gorgeous hair.
And then there were MORE women like her showing up in my life. People who apparently, the story went, had a gazillion dollars more than ME and were published! Creative! Inventive! Crowds of followers!
It was like the areas of this world I found difficult but highly valuable….and felt a bit lacking in….were all displayed in these amazing women. There she was, the successful one over there.
Here I was, the dork over here who had debt, age, non-accomplishment, failure, sickness, and not only was not published, but I hadn’t ever even finished a whole book.
My hair at least was OK.
Jealousy shows up in different ways for different people. I felt like these women were larger than life. Beyond me. Extraordinary.
Eckhart Tolle speaks about jealousy and envy as a view of others from the absolute perspective of lack.
“The basic condition of the egoic self is a deep-seated sense of lack, of not enough, not complete…and then it looks for the next thing to fill the hole that is always there…” ~Eckhart Tolle
So at that moment that I noticed someone on the planet who I admired enormously, someone who amazed me with her accomplishments.
And I noticed at the same moment practically that I simply could never do what she has done. Oh how deflating. I’ll never get there, never be that, never do it.
That part of the mind likes to compare. It’s like the most dissatisfied, worried, anxious voice you ever heard. What’s wrong with you? How much of your life have you sat around on your butt? I’ve heard of wasting time but this is ridiculous! You see that over there? That’s what success looks like! Fer Gawdsakes, look at you!
Identifying and questioning these pesky little thoughts when they spring forward can catch the most powerful moment of jealousy or envy in the bud, and nip it.
“When we’re in the student position, we’re growing. When we’re in the teaching position, we’re stuck…There is nothing negative in the world. If I see something negative, I am believing insane thoughts…” ~Byron Katie
If I am a person who questions my thinking, who is open to the unknown, to mystery…if I am someone who is a student of my awareness, of the reality that shows up around me…then I notice I do not compare.
There is nothing negative in the world, INCLUDING ME. Including you.
What could be fabulous about this incredible, accomplished woman showing up in my life?
Wow. I have a role model. I am inspired. I see how she’s a human being, like me. I can turn the thoughts I have around of myself like “I’ll never make it. I can’t do it. I’m not successful. It’s too late for me. I’m not good enough.”
Really?
Maybe instead, as a student, a teacher has appeared. Showing me the inspiration, joy, beauty, power, success, excellence, and achievement that is possible.
Everyone is God in disguise. The rough people, and the idolized people as well.
“The difference between a good artist and a great one is: the novice will often lay down his tool or brush, then pick up an invisible club on the mind’s table, and helplessly smash the easels and jade. Whereas the vintage man no longer hurts himself, or anyone, and keeps on sculpting Light.” ~ Hafiz
Question your thoughts when you believe you don’t measure up to that other image, over there. Question your not-enough-ness.
Sculpt your light.
Love, Grace