Month: November 2012

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I Need Time–Not Enough

Boy Howdy the thought “I need more time” really kicked in for me last night.

This is one of those very core ideas that repeats itself. The mind is offering this age-old solution to the problem that generalizes over All Of It in one fell swoop.

Gosh…now that I think about it, TIME is the problem. Yeah, that’s it!

If I just had more time….then I would get “a,b, and c” done. It would already actually be done, right?

If I just had more time….then this moment right here would be very relaxed, open. I would have ALL POSSIBILITIES in front of me. This moment would be pregnant with what is about to be birthed!

Everything would be finished, we would be actually ON the diving board, after making our way all the way to the pool, up the ladder, standing up on the diving board, and walking the length of the entire board.

The Pool would be right below, waiting only for us to dive, fall, or jump in with abandon. Nothing more to complete or achieve. Everything would be wrapped up! Finished! I HAD ENOUGH TIME. Now it’s all “done”.

When I have the thought “I need more time” I can feel deeply drained. Sunken down with a weight upon me of lists and to-do items, dreams of accomplishments dashed, not there yet, worried.

Imagine if someone said “you have six months to live”. You might have the thought “I need more time!”

Sometimes I can get THAT serious in only 5 minutes of finding proof that I don’t have enough time and I need more.

It’s obvious! It’s true! Not enough! I need more!

The thing is, it turns out to be the same kind of hopeful, longing, wanting, desperate thought as all the other things, people, situations, results I have ever wanted.

I NEED.

I have an image of how it would be better, if things went according to me, if I told God/The Universe about this circumstance, and I were granted access to that which is outside the laws of the universe.

Just right now….for me only….more please. More time. Turn back the clock. Or leave the clock on the same hour for awhile. Anything! Extra! I need more!

The way it feels in the body when it is stressful is in my throat I feel tight, tense, like a wail is under the surface wanting to rise up. Sad sad sad. Kind of a clawing drama. Or panicked, like I can’t stop hurrying. It’s a race.

But this also tells me AHA! I am believing something that isn’t really true for me!

Stress is the temple bell (or the gong…or the sound of something exploding) going off as a reminder to do The Work.

So what do you need more time for anyway? If you could push the PAUSE button on life and have infinite time. What would it give you?

A clean house! Hmmm….maybe there is something more important than cleanliness for me that I would want (chuckle).

Success, rest, play, fun, pleasure, no care in the world, peace, expressing love, security, happiness (more time= more money= security).

Find your stepping stones. What would you have, if you had that thing you want more of? It may be a person, if it isn’t TIME. It may be money. It may be a relationship, silence, peace, enlightenment.

That thing I want, that experience, that place of being is over there, not here. When I get that thing, I will be over there.

Are you sure?

And are you sure you need this thing (time) in order to have relaxation, security, success, love and peace?

Or a clean house?

What if you have ENOUGH. Right now. Entirely, completely, marvelously, wonderfully, magnificently enough.

This is not about only pretending you DO have enough….for me, this is seeing that it is possible to experience right now that there is enough. By finding specific examples. Real ones that I can acknowledge. Really simple ones, as simple as they need to be.

I have enough time to email my sister, a day LATE (ha) how much I love and appreciate her, since I thought of her on her birthday yesterday.

I have enough time, apparently, to write this article.

I have enough time to have spent 90 minutes with my amazing husband 2 days ago after a surprise hour without a client scheduled, when he just happened to arrive home earlier than usual.

I had enough time to be with my gorgeous 15 year old daughter on an errand last night…..that turned into 3 hours.

The universe is actually showing me what I need time for. It’s already happening.

Maybe you need time for silence, being single, being unemployed, having very little money, reading this Grace Note, healing, having nothing, cancer, pain, someone dying.

It may sound harsh….it may feel scary or very sad, you may feel unhappy. See if you really need more time, or more of that thing you are sure you want that is different than what is happening right now.

See what could be pointing you towards this moment, here, and having enough in it of whatever you are looking for.

In this moment, I have silence, a sweet living room cottage with lots of air to breathe, colors, furniture, sounds of far-away traffic, an eagle chirping, a teleclass group starting in 20 minutes of the most beautiful, lovely people from several countries around the world.

In this moment I have happiness.

“When you’ve become a total success in business and have more money than you could ever spend, what are you going to have? Happiness? Isn’t that why you wanted money? Let’s take a shortcut that can last a lifetime. Answer this question: Who would you be without the story ‘My future depends on making a lot of money?’ Happier. More relaxed. With or without the money. You’d have everything you wanted money for in the first place”~ Byron Katie

Same with Time. Who would I be without the thought that I would be happier, or more successful, if I had more time?  

“There is a time for being ahead, a time for being behind; a time for being in motion, a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous, a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe, a time for being in danger. The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them. She lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.”~Tao Te Ching #29

Love, Grace

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My Sister Is Sooooooo Irritating

Hello Dear Inquirers,

Several people have written to me about teenagers, inspired by my recent posts. Pre-teens as well. Why do they act that way? Why so dramatic? Why so short-tempered, or irritable, or rude? Have you done the work with teenagers?

Teenagers may have a reputation for “acting out” but really, perhaps they have some important reason for being so hostile. They may have something incredible to say. They also may be able to be less complicated, and catch on quickly to new ways of looking at something.

I have not done The Work often with my amazing children. But they see the benefits of their mother questioning her thoughts about them, I can guarantee it.

There was, however, one amazing moment where my children were fighting, and The Work sprang forward as the thing to do, right there on the spot.

My son, the older sibling, was saying something under his breath that my daughter (who admires her older brother) was perceiving as mean.

As usual, my son’s voice was quiet, I couldn’t hear the content. Then my daughter screamed “that is SO MEAN! I hate you!” at her brother.

I think he may have chuckled or scoffed. It wasn’t taken favorably, it seemed to incite the rage already present in my daughter.

Of course, there I was noticing from the other corner of the room my thoughts talking to me: they shouldn’t fight, here we go again, I must stop this, the noise of screaming is horrible, I don’t know what to do…

But somehow, in that moment, I remained in the seat of the observer, like the Work was working me and I wasn’t believing these thoughts…everything happening at once, but seeing a broader view of it all.

When there was a moment of red hot, angry silence, I said to my daughter: “what are you thinking right now that is really bugging you?”

In an angry voice, with her eyes burrowing like lazer beams into her brother, she pointed at him and said “he HATES me!”

I asked her then “Is that absolutely true, are you positive?”

“YES!!!!!!!!”

“You want to do The Work questions?”

“NO!!!!!!!!!”

Then my son said “I’ll do The Work!”

“Well, what are you thinking right now about your sister?!” My son replied “she is so irritating”.

My daughter hit her hands on the table. But stayed seated near her brother. I could tell something was OK about all this…at least I thought so. She wasn’t crying. She didn’t storm out.

“Is it true that your sister is irritating?”

Pause. “Well….not all the time.”

My daughter leaned back in her chair, not so on edge, defensive, ready to pounce.

“What would it be like right now if you didn’t have that thought that she is irritating?”

“I guess everything would be cool….but I HAVE the thought, so I’m not even sure. Calmer I guess. Maybe.” My daughter unfolded her arms. She was very interested in listening. All ears.

“What is the opposite of your thought, the complete opposite?”

“She is not irritating. She’s cool.”

“Can you find an example of how that is true, even right now perhaps?”

As my son found the examples, and then found another turnaround that HE is irritating, both kids burst out laughing. The whole thing was 10 minutes.

I couldn’t have planned it that way.

It seemed like they went from zero to LOVE and humor in 10 minutes. A wonderful example of the beautiful world of strong, intense, dramatic teenage thinking, for me.

Much love,
Grace

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm.

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Teenage Drama Inquiry

“We’re leaving our home for a one-year adventure”. My parents announced this to me and my three sisters when I was 14.

I would miss my entire freshman year of high school in the US.

At the time, I had no idea the changes I was about to experience. My teenage thoughts were like this: I will miss good stuff here at home, I don’t understand why we are going, some of the countries we are traveling to are weird, one country we’re visiting called South Africa is really messed up, our dog will miss us, people will forget about me, I’ll be behind in school, I’ll miss my friends. NOOOOOO!!!

My parents were scraping the money together to do this. Selling things in order to be able to go. My dad had a teaching job lined up in South Africa first, and then London, England.

My parents were so enthusiastic and excited. Traveling the world was like a dream come true for them. Just being around them, I SORT OF felt excited about the possibilities. Seeing strange and unusual things. Maybe. 

If it was my choice, however, I would have chosen to STAY HOME.

One of the strangest and yet common experiences humans have in growing older, maturing, learning and “seeing” is when something you once thought you understood is no longer the same, because you now know much more.

Before that one-year journey with my family (we traveled to ten countries) my world appeared full. I wondered about many things. I was constantly thinking about the novels or books I was reading, my friends, boys, clothes, my appearance, my sisters…and sometimes concerned about death, God, goodness, badness, success, happiness, life.

But not until actually going into the unknown world and observing, watching, and listening did my world become bigger. And I didn’t do it. It was not my idea, it was not my plan.

My parents led the way. They were inspired for their own journeys, and I came along with my sisters as a part of the adventure. This shifted things in a way I would have never, ever chosen if it was up to me.

Many of us think about the difference between something happening TO us, or us makingsomething happen. We have pretty strong thoughts about something being completely unplanned, instigated or ignited by someone else, and what we intend or implement ourselves.

It can feel like the stuff we “make” happen we have control over. The other stuff we don’t.

The thing is, we actually don’t have much control over anything.

Anything could happen, at any moment of the day. Even when we stay home.

Other people get crazy ideas, offer interesting perspectives, say things, do things, come and go, change it up. On first glance, what they are doing may not seem good. Not helpful. Not fun. NOT productive. NOT what I want. (Like my parents’ crazy travel adventure).

Doing The Work, questioning your assumptions, your fears, your belief that THIS IS NOT GOOD….can actually change your experience of the situation.

What if you don’t know whether it’s good or not? What if there actually IS something just a teensy tiny bit good about it? What if what is happening might lead you somewhere else, in another unexpected direction, better than you could imagine? What if your mind grows bigger, your life expands to another broader perspective?

“Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here for the sake of your freedom. When you experience anything as separate or unacceptable, inquiry can bring you back to the peace you felt before you believed the thought.”~Byron Katie

When I was 14, I thought I had a problem. A big one. I was being RIPPED from my first year of high school full of people and fun stuff happening!

It was one of my biggest wake-up calls of my life. One I am incredibly grateful for. I soon had a much, much bigger interest beyond my little life…and what I learned, and the connections I made, I didn’t realize would continue to be important, even today.

Traveling the world like I got to do is easy to think of as a Big Fabulous Opportunity. Most adults think so. But to me at 14? It was a Big Horrible Disaster.

What is happening in your life that is calling you to expand your mind, open yourself up to seeing it differently, not be so AGAINST it?

Are you feeling like a teenager? Maybe acting like one? It’s only fear. It’s only imagining that what is to come couldn’t be as good as what you previously expected. It’s only thinking that keeping things they way they are is best.

And here’s the most fun news of all: Maybe you don’t have to run the show. Maybe something else wiser (like parents) or the universe itself knows an even better way than the one you’re dreaming up.

“The Master does his job and then stops. He understands that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Tao…” ~Tao Te Ching #30

Much love,

Grace

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm.

Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. To register for either weekend workshop, click here!Fill in the workshop fee after you click the Buy button at the bottom of the page. You can use paypal or any credit card (you don’t need a paypal account).

Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

If you like this article, forward it to friends, family or colleagues. To get on the list to receive these directly via email, go to www.workwithgrace.com and enter your email in the sidebar. Your email will not be sold or used for any other purpose than these articles and announcements for Work With Grace. You can Unsubscribe at any time by clicking at the bottom of any newsletter.

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Eat, Sleep and Cry, Oh My!

A lovely inquirer and reader wrote to me this past weekend. She had a common dilemma. One I experienced frequently in the past, from even before I knew about the simple steps of The Work.

“I want to know how to find the thought that makes me want to EAT, SLEEP AND CRY right now!”

There I would be, overwhelmed with feeling, wanting to shut down, disappear, sleep, desiring freedom, peace, anxious, annoyed, flustered, confused.

Oh boy, ingesting something would be good right now, shift the energy for sure.

What do we humans do when we feel confused or overwhelmed?

We can start from the most simple place. It seems difficult to find the thought(s). But that itself can be such a trap.

  • I have to find the perfect thought to question
  • I can’t find any stressful beliefs right now
  • There is a thought here that is disturbing, but I don’t know what it is
  • I feel like drinking, eating, sleeping, zoning out, watching TV, escaping
  • I can’t identify anything I am thinking except that I want to change, right now!
  • I am confused
  • This is terrible, I hate feeling this way
  • I can’t stand this

Confusion itself can have about a million stressful, negative, painful thoughts associated with it. So the internal process blossoms from a little hum into a five-piece quintet, into a full blown symphony. In about 10 seconds.

Byron Katie says that the way we can tell that something is bothering us, is that we feel stress, and when we feel stress, we are believing something that IS NOT ACTUALLY TRUE for us. So, stress = believing untrue thoughts.

The more stress, the more I know I am repeating thoughts inside my own mind in my own story that if examined, I discover I don’t actually believe afterall.

It gets louder when I am repeating thoughts more frequently, without questioning them, that are not true for me.

If you are used to pounding yourself with untrue thoughts, without questioning them, then you get used to the process of experiencing a kind of zero-to-1000 MPH in less than 60 seconds, much faster than any vehicle. Rocket speed!

So I wrote back to the reader, and I suggested she write down whatever she was thinking, for 15 minutes if at all possible, but if she could only do it for three, then that is good enough.

I am someone who tried EVERYTHING to get some immediate relief from busy stressful thinking. A junkie for relief. I was confused and upset…but I also did NOT want to work.

Why? Because I didn’t think I really had good answers to the questions offered for self-inquiry. I didn’t think I was good enough, powerful enough, interesting enough.

I didn’t think that finding my own way through the jungle would actually lead me anywhere. My view of myself was pretty twisted. I’m a rebellious loser. Too smart for my own good. Too egotistical. Too blind.

I thought I needed help, I thought I was in need of additional input. So that kept me looking Out There for answers. I thought they would be quicker.

The thing is, the answers and authors and teachers I encountered that I felt positive about, and even the ones I didn’t, all led me back to….ME.

But wait, I am the loser who is less-than-perfect who is trying to find answers. Jeez! I hate this Loopy Cycle!

Forget all that. Or even if you can’t forget (not a problem really, overall) then just take only this moment and see if you can trust that whatever is going on in your mind is not Beyond Confusion, or impossible, or hopeless.

It’s just there, being the thinking-feeling-machine trying to do its job.

Here in this moment, it is good enough. It is enough. You can write. You can put some of your numerous stressful beliefs down on paper. Only do it for 60 seconds if that’s all you can dream of doing. Before you go drink or eat or smoke, even better.

These thoughts are GOLD. They may look boring, stupid, ridiculous, horrifying, mean, vicious or despairing. But let that voice have its say anyway.

Then, you will have what you are thinking right there in the moment. You can go backwards into what you were thinking 10 minutes before you started feeling most overwhelmed. What about an hour before, or earlier in the day?

Did anything happen that threatened your peace? Did you remember something? Did someone say something that was bothersome?

Let yourself write whatever comes along in that stressful moment. “I’m lonely, I hate my life, I need more money, he shouldn’t have looked at me like that, she doesn’t like me, the weather is terrible, the floor needs to be vacuumed, no one helps around here, it would be better with a life-partner, this is boring, I’m too fat, I should exercise more, I don’t take care of myself…” 

Then begin to investigate. I just want to eat, sleep and cry right now…and this is terrible. I’m too confused. I don’t know where to begin.

Is that true? Who would you be without that thought?

If you need help with this process, or a boost, or tune-up, or want to spend some time on that one particular relationship that’s really bugging you, come to the all day event on December 1st. Of course, you’ll be pointed back to YOU. To register click HERE.

“There’s no place, there’s no dark hole you can go into, where inquiry won’t follow. Inquiry lives inside you if you nurture it for a while. The it takes on its own life and automatically nurtures you. And you’re never given more pain than you can handle. You never, ever get more than you can take. That’s a promise.”~Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm.

Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. To register for either weekend workshop, click here!Fill in the workshop fee after you click the Buy button at the bottom of the page. You can use paypal or any credit card (you don’t need a paypal account).

Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

If you like this article, forward it to friends, family or colleagues. To get on the list to receive these directly via email, go to www.workwithgrace.com and enter your email in the sidebar. Your email will not be sold or used for any other purpose than these articles and announcements for Work With Grace. You can Unsubscribe at any time by clicking at the bottom of any newsletter.

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Crazy Like Romeo And Juliet

Last night I saw Romeo and Juliet at the local high school theater performance in my town.

I know this play really well. I actually played Juliet in college on stage, so at one time I practically knew the whole play by heart.

And in my life, I have known that whole play by heart.

As I teared up during the finale, when everyone is dead and “all are punished” I also smiled on the inside. These people were crazy! Mega-attached, dramatic, killing themselves with knives, killing other people with swords, weeping and howling and depressive, or manic, or enraged.

In case you don’t remember, Romeo is wildly in love with someone else named Roslyn at the beginning of the play…then he switches in one night to Juliet.

He also actively participates in killing two people, and then of course himself. And Juliet, as we know, also kills herself.

Good lord! No one seemed to know about questioning their thinking….although Shakespeare does appear to have knowledge of this himself. His poetry, prose and plays are filled with awareness of what life could be like beyond this “believing” mind.

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”~William Shakespeare 

Now, after being able to ask myself if what I am thinking is actually true or not, in my own opinion and no one else’s opinion, I find the joy of not really knowing, and being aware that some of what I thought was really, seriously true…is not.

So there I was in the past *desperate* for HIM to love me, want me, pay attention to me, talk to me, be with me, call me, write me, email me, stop by, adore me, please me.

We don’t like admitting these kinds of things.

Ha! I say with a chuckle, that was soooooo long ago, when I was a teenager! I’m not like that anymore.

[A very loud buzzer sound just went off]

Oops! Oh, now that I think about it, I had a longing for HIM to come find me as I sat looking out at the beach on vacation LAST WEEK (my husband).

I may not have been all a flutter in quite the same manner as Juliet, or ready to stab myself with a dagger, but these tiny moments are the same.

I need him to listen to me, I want her to be kinder to me, I need him to understand me, I want her to like me, he should talk with me, she should appreciate me, he should contact me, she should call me, he should show up. 

That voice or feeling inside appears, it wants something to come from OVER THERE towards ME.

Being here in myself feels somehow not quite interesting enough, even lonely, empty, solitary, purposeless, lost, boring, meaningless.

These sensations or thoughts can happen with our children, friends, parents, bosses or lovers.

Or God, the Universe, Source, Reality. It isn’t close enough, it should be closer, I should feel it right here with me all the time, there is separation, I don’t get this, I need something more…

So what if this sense, thought, or feeling that something is ABSENT is questioned?

What if nothing is absent, missing, or too far away?

Can you imagine who Romeo and Juliet and the whole entire rest of the cast would BE without the thought that something was tragically missing?

Without the thought, if someone is busy, and focused on NOT ME I would remember that I’ve been spared (one of Katie’s little sayings I love).

I’d have an open, excited, curious, smiling feeling on the inside of my whole body.

Looking out at the ocean, last week, without the thought that anyone else should be here looking at the ocean with me, I stare with joy and amazement at the grand sight. Nothing to do, nothing to say, no one else here, just me and the Big Mystery.

Without the thought….sitting, looking, everything slower.

I love that Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet. He shows so well what happens when we’re believing with a vengeance: fearful, secretive, sneaky, sleepless, worried, banished, cautious, defiant, fighting a war, crazed, terrified.

Who would you be without the thought that you actually need anyone? You might think that you’d be cold, and no one would ever be around, and you’d have no friends, or your children would never call you up.

Find out!

“You are the one you’ve been waiting for”~Byron Katie

And by the way…if you have some sticky little thoughts that sound like needy ones, come on over to do The Work on Dec. 1st. It’s gonna be good! To register click HERE.

Much love, Grace

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There Is A Community Of The Spirit

Today, it’s almost all Rumi. One of my favorite poems by him is below. Re-read it here today.

For me, this says we are all here in THIS together. Be here with everyone, don’t push anyone out or hate anyone. Feel what it really means to relax yourself in the midst of suffering, or what you think is suffering.

This poem says to watch what you are afraid of and let it parade by. Don’t grab on to it. It can feel like fear can overtake us: cancer, money-all-gone, people dying, violence, slow traffic, she left me, I can’t live without her, I need to succeed, be someone, do something, I didn’t like the way he said that, she watches too much TV, I’m a bad mother, I should be more extroverted, she is too harsh, it is too hard, I don’t have enough time, my cellulite is ugly, the house is too messy, no one else cleans the dishes, I am too nervous…..

Today I notice that behind the frantic, busy, fearful little buzzing, hissing mind…is silence.

I play with relaxing and it feels like energy going right through my stomach and out the back. Everything opening, cutting through. Doesn’t matter, all is well. Everything changes.

This thing I think is so important, or worrisome? It isn’t really.

There is a community of the spirit.

Join it, and feel the delight of walking in the noisy street, and being the noise. 

Drink all your passion, and be a disgrace.

Close both eyes to see with the other eye.

Open your hands, if you want to be held.

Sit down in this circle.

Quit acting like a wolf, and feel the shepherd’s love filling you.

At night, your beloved wanders.

Don’t accept consolations.

Close your mouth against food. 

Taste the lover’s mouth in yours.

You moan, “She left me.” “He left me.” 

Twenty more will come.

Be empty of worrying. Think of who created thought!

Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?

Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. 

Live in silence.

Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.

~Rumi

Love, Grace

P.S. This intensive day I call Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven. The relationship I am referring to is….THAT UGLY, UNCOMFORTABLE ONE. It could be a partner, your mother, your sister, your job, money, your body. If you have multiple ones, don’t worry. Just start with one, we’ll help you begin to investigate just that one. Who knows what can happen from there.

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm.

Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. To register for either weekend workshop, click here!Fill in the workshop fee after you click the Buy button at the bottom of the page. You can use paypal or any credit card (you don’t need a paypal account).

Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

If you like this article, forward it to friends, family or colleagues. To get on the list to receive these directly via email, go to www.workwithgrace.com and enter your email in the sidebar. Your email will not be sold or used for any other purpose than these articles and announcements for Work With Grace. You can Unsubscribe at any time by clicking at the bottom of any newsletter.

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Pessimistic? Do The Work for One Day

Have you wanted to set aside time to learn The Work, really delve in and drill down and get to the heart of some of your repetitive, uncomfortable thinking?

I read Loving What Is, then sat with it on my bedside table for about two years before returning to it. My story about this is on my website. One of my sisters went to The School and talking with her was incredible, after she returned. And I had thought she wouldn’t be the “type” to go to such an event.

For me, it took going to the whole 9 day school with Byron Katie in the room to really do The Work.

For hundreds of other people that I have worked with, who are obviously a bit faster than me and catch on more quickly, they actually DO the Work just by hearing about it.

They notice they have stress. They notice they are thinking things that are disturbing, or downright horrifying. They notice they want to drink or overeat or watch TV, or feel badly about themselves or their career, their health, or their general attitude.

They encounter the idea that maybe, just maybe, what they are THINKING is what is bothering them. Not the actual situation. But their relationship to the situation.

They start following the steps known as The Work. They get curious. Freedom follows. Lightbulbs flashing on all over the place. Or quiet awareness. Things becoming more simple, slower. JOY!

Then…there is someone like me. Doubtful and pessimistic that questioning my beliefs would do anything useful. All it takes is a pen and paper and answering four questions? BALDERDASH.

HUMBUG.

Well. If you are this type of person that seems to be an expert at pessimism, I can relate. You are not alone.

And you might find it incredible to set aside one day, with a small group, to identify your thinking, the stressful bits only, and take them through inquiry.

All the way through. All the way to the Turnarounds. Considering the opposites of what you thought. Turning your replayed thoughts upside down and inside out.

Not kind of thinking “hmm, is that true?” while driving your car to get groceries. Not thinking a thought like “I hate him” and then turning it around immediately, without doing the other steps, into “I love him” and not investigating further what is really bothering you.

This is not doing The Work “in your head” without any pen and paper.

Set aside one day, December 1st, to enter into the DARK ABYSMAL WINTER season (let’s not forget about the pessmism) to identify your stressful thinking, and do The Work in this most amazing simple (yet not so simple) way of thinking.

Even if you are not in Seattle and able to attend our one-day workshop into this freedom, I say, open your calendar and set aside a couple of hours to do The Work. Find a facilitator, make an appointment, trade with someone, call the Help Line (the schedule is onwww.thework.com).

As Byron Katie says…“I did the Work, because I was in a hurry”. 

If you have a penchant for pessimism like I do, you may think “I have no time…I have no money…I can’t really do it…it’s stupid, boring, another mental exercise, I need more than questions to change my life, it’s too far away”. 

You may notice, those are stressful THOUGHTS. They can be questioned. They may flow in abundance for you.

Doing The Work in a group can slow the whole process of thinking down, keep you on track, keep you steady. You may find future practice partners for doing The Work. This is an exercise in being conscious, staying conscious.

The winter one-day intensive is coming soon, here in Seattle. There is only room for 14 people! The fee is $125 for the day, we meet 10 am – 6 pm in a little cozy cabin known as Goldilocks Cottage. My darling husband Jon and I live here, and he will be participating and supporting us all right alongside for our day together. And he rocks at doing The Work.

If finances hold you back, please write to me and ask for assistance. This may be the way I make my living, but I have also questioned the thought “I need money” and found, incredibly, that it is not true.

What I DO find to be true is that I love, with all my heart and soul, each and every person who comes to inquire with me, and I honor each and every dollar that shows up as the flow of giving and receiving that happens constantly among us all. (Hint: do the Work on Money if you don’t love it yet).

I can’t wait for a day of inquiry on December 1st. My hands are clapping! Come join us!

Total beginners are welcome, people super familiar with the Work are welcome…every level will work. We all have the same thoughts, ready to be questioned.

Devote your day to inquiry, no matter where you are, and get “there” in a hurry.

“Inside this new love, die. Your way begins on the other side. Become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. Escape. Walk out like someone suddenly born into color. Do it now.”~Rumi

Register right now by clicking here and entering the fee of $125.

Love, Grace

P.S. This intensive day I call Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven. The relationship I am referring to is….THAT UGLY, UNCOMFORTABLE ONE. It could be a partner, your mother, your sister, your job, money, your body. If you have multiple ones, don’t worry. Just start with one, we’ll help you begin to investigate just that one. Who knows what can happen from there.

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm.

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Eternity Is Our Destiny–Is That Scary?

I know I’ve been writing constantly about the mind this past week. Interesting little entity. Very busy, very constant, and at some point, very predictable.

Basically, I’m referring to this mind as a thing…but it’s really a sort of energy. Thinking. Words, images, scenes, sounds.

Byron Katie mentions in her work this mind and how it conjures possibilities about the future and worries about the past like waves in the ocean. Impossible to conquer. Always there.

Today, I love being reminded that if some kind of stress enters the scene of my conciousness, then its only a thought. Really, it’s just a THOUGHT. Made of no substance.

Eckhart Tolle speaks of this universe and our very minds as made up of things…and of space. Thingness and No-Thingness.

I notice that in the content of my thoughts in the last hour are tons of suggestions about things to do, say, or feel. Be sure to leave on time. You have only 15 more minutes to write. I need to finish x,y,z. It’s getting dark. I wonder who is winning the election. I hope my former mother-in-law is OK. I have to a,b,c by the weekend. I wonder why we live in infinite space, like why it is set up this way with earth and the planets and all that. 

I remember recognizing, while watching my thoughts and inquiring, several years ago, that I actually was afraid of being WITHOUT thought. Infinite space. Like a big white-out fog, no people, no objects, no ground, no up or down. I didn’t like the deep ocean either, it always kind of bugged me to watch movies where people were going down with cameras to where it was entirely dark under water. Spooky.

But how amazing to consider who I would be without the thought that I need to know what’s going on around here, that I need some kind of form, that I need to understand, or that “infinity” is creepy.

The collective disease of humanity is that people are so engrossed in what happens, so hypnotized by the world of fluctuating forms, so absorbed in the content of their lives, they have forgotten the essence, that which is beyond content, beyond form, beyond thought. They are so consumed by time that they have forgotten eternity, which is their origin, their home, their destiny. Eternity is the living reality of who you are.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

For me, I realized first how freaky I thought eternity was. It always made me nervous as a child. Too big.

But now that I can question my thoughts, I have discovered that I have no idea that Nothingness is Bad or something to be worried about.

In fact, I think eternity and nothingness and space and emptiness are here, right now, and they don’t hurt, they aren’t terrible. Have you noticed?

“Fear and unhappiness follow from the belief that we are going to feel a way we won’t like feeling in the future.”~Bruce DiMarsico

Who would you be without the thought that you need to be something, do something, think something, understand something….

How would you live if you knew all was well in your ultimate future, and your destiny of eternity that Eckhart mentions is incredible, sweet, precious…and PEACEFUL.

I would be more willing to see beyond whatever is happening here, not to take it so seriously, with such importance and nervousness, not anxious, not threatened, not depressing.

Without knowing what anything is for, or believing all your thoughts, life starts to become really funny, and really calm. You might crack yourself up over what you notice you suffer over.

In fact, I notice that I have never actually, my entire life, had a white-out moment where I was surrounded by nothing, black space, endless dark water, fog, and/or no people and no sound and Nothingness forever. Not even close.

Love, Grace

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm.

Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. To register for either weekend workshop, click here!Fill in the workshop fee after you click the Buy button at the bottom of the page. You can use paypal or any credit card (you don’t need a paypal account).

Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

If you like this article, forward it to friends, family or colleagues. To get on the list to receive these directly via email, go to www.workwithgrace.com and enter your email in the sidebar. Your email will not be sold or used for any other purpose than these articles and announcements for Work With Grace. You can Unsubscribe at any time by clicking at the bottom of any newsletter.

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We Need To Talk

Right before I went on “vacation” someone sent me a note that appeared to say they were unhappy with something I had done. I didn’t know what. Couldn’t think of anything, even though my mind would return to trying to guess (that little part of the mind hates Not Knowing).

In the past, if I had received a note and it didn’t appear favorable (or maybe even if it DID appear favorable, honestly)…I may not have been able to sleep. It was basically the same kind of sentence on paper as when someone says “Grace, we need to talk”.

OMG we need to talk!? Adrenaline rush. What? Is there something wrong? What did I do? Are you mad at me?

It sounded like this person would contact me later, after I returned. FEAR arose. The beliefs come alive: I hurt someone’s feelings, I made someone uncomfortable. I have to be nice at all times (even if it means lying). I shouldn’t cause upset. Ever. Anywhere.

The key for me is that last thought “it is bad if someone appears to be upset by something I have done”.

Instead of leaving, distracting myself, or worrying, I knew it was time to do The Work. With self-inquiry, I notice that I can get excited about possibilities, curious, open, available. I know that I can be interested in other peoples’ perspectives.

My stressful beliefs: I hurt someone’s feelings, I made them uncomfortable, they don’t like something I did or said, they are too critical, I should never make anyone uncomfortable, there is someone very nervous or sensitive out there. I have to fix it. It will be weird if I run into that person.

As I enter into questioning these beliefs, and see what it’s like to have them, I notice that my mind gets all fired up.

My brain goes into over-drive trying to sort through memories of what I might have done that would be upsetting.

For many of us, we may imagine we’ve done something wrong because of the look someone gave us, the slight sigh or deep breath someone took after we spoke.

Someone might say they didn’t like the movie we just went to see, and we might feel bad because we insisted on that movie choice.

When I believe I’ve done something wrong, I start apologizing right and left, in my very core, energetically. I try to make up for it, or plan to make up for it soon. I feel sick.

Who would I be without the thought that I’ve hurt someone, done something wrong, that I’ve made someone uncomfortable in the past…and they may be ready to retaliate, hurt me, get revenge, or abandon me?

Without these thoughts I am here reviewing images in my mind of situations in which I have clearly said things that hurt other people. I am remembering moments where people reacted to me. It feels way more simple, no fear, relaxed, just watching and reviewing.

Who would I be without that thought that ANYONE has done ANYTHING WRONG? Including me. Who would I be without the thought that getting that note means something bad?

What if nothing “wrong” has happened? Who would you be?

I would be relaxed. Breathing. Looking at the people in my mind with acceptance and care. Not knowing… only being.

“Whoever relies on the Tao in governing men doesn’t try to force issues or defeat enemies by force of arms. For every force there is a counterforce. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself. The Master does his job, and then stops….Because he accepts himself, the whole world accepts him.”~Tao Te Ching #30

When I do The Work, I am giving attention to my inner world and my running, judgmental, worried mind. I am not trying to force an issue or defeat an enemy.

I turn around this worry about having done something wrong: Since I’ve upset someone, something good will happen. Something will get healed or balanced. There is opportunity for peace right here in this situation. I can let things unfold and I will find out what this note meant at the perfect time.

I love seeing that my mind was about to have a heart attack because a piece of paper had words on it that said someone needed to contact me later to talk.

Even the tiniest inner violence towards someone results in a counter-violent rebound. This “violence” can be in the most subtle form of living with the thought “I caused someone to be upset (and it’s terrible).”

I turned the thought around as I did The Work right there on vacation next to a swimming pool. It’s just as true that something wonderful is happening, not scary. Someone is wanting to express themselves, to express a concern. They are engaging with me, making contact with me…it’s fabulous. This is all very exciting. Curious. Appropriate. A moment to surrender.

We need to talk. Fantastic. What interesting news will unfold? I look forward to it! It is just as true that all is well. Truer. And I notice, with that…I’m back to totally enjoying the present moment.

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No Vacation For The Mind

What on earth is a vacation? I love that word “vacate”.

I am exiting the scene, leaving the premises, departing, disconnecting, vanishing, sayonara, bye-bye!

A very common human strategy is to STOP, DROP and ROLL! (You may recognize this from fire-first-aid. It’s what you’re supposed to do when your clothes catch on fire). Ha!

When things get hot, people often believe whole-heartedly that they need to stop, drop and roll and then go on vacation from whatever was making them upset. Forever.

By getting hot I mean dicey conversations with other humans, relationships going sour, anger getting ignited, bad business deals going down, frustrated scenes with employees or co-workers, disgruntled customers, worry about Life in general.

Someone can make a statement, someone who you really care about, that sounds like they are upset. It’s scary, or feels hurtful. You are disappointed, anxious, or you feel defensive, or guilty.

Some people get angry and lash out at the source of the discomfort. They believe they will feel better when the other person is sorry, or stops, or regrets what they have said, or feels remorse, or apologizes.

Others have the VACATE reaction. Rrrrruuuunnnnn!!

I am just now returning from being on an actual Vacation, a holiday. I left my home and my daily routine and many of the people I know closely…and went to a different location in the world with different weather and trees and food, and people I love dearly who I hadn’t seen for years.

But my mind was right there the whole time. No vacation for the mind!

This used to seem like a BAD thing, I wanted to get away from the incessant thinking, or uncomfortable relationships, or boring situations like the jobs I used to have.

I wanted to get away from my own MIND. Short distractions would work, but they were never satisfying (they never are).

So of course…the easiest thing to do (even if it doesn’t seem easy) is to accept that parts of you can never go on vacation. Vacating won’t work.

In fact, it may make things harder.

For me, getting away from it all usually led to binge-eating, heavy drinking, over-exercising, smoking. AWOL.

I would leave people scratching their heads in confusion, wondering if I was ever going to make contact, finish a conversation, face my fear and talk with them directly, answer their calls, respond to their concerns.

I didn’t do this for myself…I ditched myself constantly. I didn’t respect my own painful thinking and feelings. I wasn’t kind to me.

NOW my favorite thing in the world is staying still, standing here in the midst of activity, noticing that the mind never takes a vacation, allowing it to be itself as it is…full of evaluations and comments.

What I find here is that when I stay still in the middle of someone saying something I find uncomfortable, or a situation that brings up fear, is to stay and see what happens without me either Vacating OR Defending.

This means, as my mind suggests things to do or say, as it suggests ways to handle the situation, I don’t DO them instantly. I don’t try to fix anything.

“She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes, without danger. She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart. Music or the smell of good cooking may make people stop and enjoy. But words that point to the Tao seem monotonous and without flavor. When you look for it, there is nothing to see. When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear. When you use it, it is inexhaustible.” ~Tao Te Ching #35

I noticed sometimes during the “vacation” I was on, I would have thoughts about people back in my daily regular life at home, or business or work.  Instead of leaving those thoughts, I could clearly find them, even writing them down.

Moving into them and finding out what was most uncomfortable about my thoughts about other people was incredible.

Stay tuned for the next post…I’ll tell you what it was like to do the Work on one repetitive thought I had during “vacation”.  I may have gotten to stop and enjoy music, laughter, and good cooking….but returning to the center by investigating my internal world brought such peace.

My mind? Actually, it’s a blast to take it everywhere. Might as well enjoy the ride.

Inquiry returns us to the Tao. Emptiness, mystery, even joy. And inquiry can be done anywhere!