What on earth is a vacation? I love that word “vacate”.
I am exiting the scene, leaving the premises, departing, disconnecting, vanishing, sayonara, bye-bye!
A very common human strategy is to STOP, DROP and ROLL! (You may recognize this from fire-first-aid. It’s what you’re supposed to do when your clothes catch on fire). Ha!
When things get hot, people often believe whole-heartedly that they need to stop, drop and roll and then go on vacation from whatever was making them upset. Forever.
By getting hot I mean dicey conversations with other humans, relationships going sour, anger getting ignited, bad business deals going down, frustrated scenes with employees or co-workers, disgruntled customers, worry about Life in general.
Someone can make a statement, someone who you really care about, that sounds like they are upset. It’s scary, or feels hurtful. You are disappointed, anxious, or you feel defensive, or guilty.
Some people get angry and lash out at the source of the discomfort. They believe they will feel better when the other person is sorry, or stops, or regrets what they have said, or feels remorse, or apologizes.
Others have the VACATE reaction. Rrrrruuuunnnnn!!
I am just now returning from being on an actual Vacation, a holiday. I left my home and my daily routine and many of the people I know closely…and went to a different location in the world with different weather and trees and food, and people I love dearly who I hadn’t seen for years.
But my mind was right there the whole time. No vacation for the mind!
This used to seem like a BAD thing, I wanted to get away from the incessant thinking, or uncomfortable relationships, or boring situations like the jobs I used to have.
I wanted to get away from my own MIND. Short distractions would work, but they were never satisfying (they never are).
So of course…the easiest thing to do (even if it doesn’t seem easy) is to accept that parts of you can never go on vacation. Vacating won’t work.
In fact, it may make things harder.
For me, getting away from it all usually led to binge-eating, heavy drinking, over-exercising, smoking. AWOL.
I would leave people scratching their heads in confusion, wondering if I was ever going to make contact, finish a conversation, face my fear and talk with them directly, answer their calls, respond to their concerns.
I didn’t do this for myself…I ditched myself constantly. I didn’t respect my own painful thinking and feelings. I wasn’t kind to me.
NOW my favorite thing in the world is staying still, standing here in the midst of activity, noticing that the mind never takes a vacation, allowing it to be itself as it is…full of evaluations and comments.
What I find here is that when I stay still in the middle of someone saying something I find uncomfortable, or a situation that brings up fear, is to stay and see what happens without me either Vacating OR Defending.
This means, as my mind suggests things to do or say, as it suggests ways to handle the situation, I don’t DO them instantly. I don’t try to fix anything.
“She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes, without danger. She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart. Music or the smell of good cooking may make people stop and enjoy. But words that point to the Tao seem monotonous and without flavor. When you look for it, there is nothing to see. When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear. When you use it, it is inexhaustible.” ~Tao Te Ching #35
I noticed sometimes during the “vacation” I was on, I would have thoughts about people back in my daily regular life at home, or business or work. Instead of leaving those thoughts, I could clearly find them, even writing them down.
Moving into them and finding out what was most uncomfortable about my thoughts about other people was incredible.
Stay tuned for the next post…I’ll tell you what it was like to do the Work on one repetitive thought I had during “vacation”. I may have gotten to stop and enjoy music, laughter, and good cooking….but returning to the center by investigating my internal world brought such peace.
My mind? Actually, it’s a blast to take it everywhere. Might as well enjoy the ride.
Inquiry returns us to the Tao. Emptiness, mystery, even joy. And inquiry can be done anywhere!