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This week several teleclasses begin! You only need a telephone or skype to call in to a group conference call phone number. These are all audio, not webinars, and you do not need a computer to participate in a class–but you do need to have a way to receive emails regularly. Let me know today if you are joining! All the classes are listed at the end of this email. They are all 8 sessions, for 90 mins each session.
Speaking of new classes and learnings….
I loved working with a fabulous client recently on a common moment of frustration for many of us humans: when someone we’re in the presence of should stop talking.
I have had this thought myself many times in my life, and questioned it recently.
There we are in the vicinity of another human and that person is talking, talking, talking and we are thinking, thinking, thinking “THAT PERSON SHOULD SHUT UP!”
Perhaps we are a part of the audience during a lecture, in a group discussion where one person appears to speak a great deal, in a sharing circle with many participants (or a class), in a movie or play, or in a one-on-one conversation.
What has been your most common reaction when you are with another person who you judge as talking “too much”?
I was once sitting in a movie theater FURIOUS about the conversation going on behind me. I turned around and said “could you please stop talking during the movie!” and the two women burst out laughing, and carried on. I sat through the whole movie, unhappy and enraged, I was so shocked that they didn’t stop when I asked.
Believing that someone should stop talking, and not being sure how to change the dynamic, is a strange and common human dilemma. We have OTHER beliefs that directly oppose speaking up in a really authentic, genuine way with this talkative person. Beliefs like:
- it’s rude to interrupt someone
- they need to speak and be heard
- they are trying to connect with me, which I appreciate
- if I say I disagree, I will be starting an argument, or they might hurt me
- they wouldn’t like me if they knew what I was thinking
- they are wasting my time
- I am so mean to have all these judgments about them
- I should be a kind, thoughtful, patient listener (and this means I shouldn’t tell them to be quiet, that I shouldn’t speak up)
I recently saw a filmed scene in which a man is sitting at a kitchen table and his wife is cooking for him. The man is talking non-stop, talking about people at his work. His wife picks up the frying pan she is using and whacks him on the head.
That woman believed that violence, or getting “rid” of the person, was the only way to resolve the incessant talking!
That was a little extreme! But don’t we all have the thought that if I just get away from the talker, leave, eliminate them, get rid of them, shut them down….that is the quickest and easiest way to resolve this difficult situation?
It’s like having a fly buzzing and the noise of the buzz start to drive you crazy. Or crickets and their loud chirping.
Kill the cricket! KILL THE FLY! THEN I will be comfortable and have peace.
The wonderful thing is that even in this kind of irritated moment there is so much to learn, so much amazing opportunity for understanding yourself, your mind, and other people.
Even this moment is a moment for awakening.
“What is this moment, this situation, or this person trying to teach me?”~Pema Chodron
The first thing to do is to look at what you are believing that produces the most rage, irritation, anger, sadness.
What is this person actually saying that is so bad? What does it mean about them? What does it mean for me if I am there, being the listener?
You can feel it immediately when you are at war with what is. There is a tightness and resistance…you are AGAINST what is happening.
What if you were FOR what is happening? This does not mean that you stay sitting through an entire movie and not making any changes….that was passive for me, it was not authentic and loving. It was not kind to me.
What can you do joyfully, with pleasure, kindness, love, freedom, power, and passion right in that very moment when there is a person who is talking, talking, talking…and you are entirely and totally in favor of them being themselves, doing what they’re doing, being who they are?
You may find that you reach over to them and hold their hand, look into their eyes, and say any of the following things: “I adore you and I’ve heard this before but will listen again if you think it is 100% helpful” or “what do you really want right now?” or “I am feeling like being silent” or “I will be available to listen in an hour” or “Can you answer the question and say nothing else, but only answer the question I just asked?”
With complete and total freedom and no “rules” you may find that you are very loving and kind naturally, and you don’t feel guilty or imposed on, and you take very good care of yourself as well as the talking person.
“The Master gives himself up to whatever the moment brings….”~Tao Te Ching #50
Love, Grace
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Horrible Food Wonderful Food – Tuesdays, Sept 18-Nov 13, 2012, 6:00 pm – 7:30 pm Pacific (no class 10/30)
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven – Saturdays, Sept 22-Nov 17, 2012 8 – 9:30 am PT (no class 10/27)
Our Wonderful Sexuality – Fridays, Sept 21-Nov 16, 2012 10-11:30 am PT (class one time on Thursday 10/25, no class 11/2)
Money, Work and Business – Thursdays, Sept 27- Nov 29, 2012, 8-9:30 am Pacific Time (no class 11/1 or 11/22)