Is wanting something stressful? It sure seems like it sometimes. We have the thoughts “I want it”…..I want to eat (even though I’m not hungry), I want a boyfriend (and I’m single, no prospects), I want more money (my bank account looks less than perfect), I want more time (my calendar is is so booked I’m starting to schedule “time to sleep”).
I WANT.
When we are babies or toddlers, we don’t really have an “observer” who is commenting on what we want. It seems babies cry or smile or reach or play and this thing comes along called “wanting” and it’s very simple. No judgment AGAINST the wanting feeling. It’s more like attention is turned toward getting what is wanted, it’s the way of it.
I remember one of the very first times I wanted something but then ALSO had the thought on top of wanting it that it was BAD to be wanting this thing.
I was eight. In school that day we were allowed to sit on top of our desks to watch a movie. Such a special and strange treat, sitting ON our desks, with our feet dangling down in front.
For some reason I caught a glimpse of my thighs and they were spread wide the way they would be sitting that way. But my mom had recently gone on a Weight Watchers diet and it had occurred to me for the first time in my life that sometimes, people want more food than they actually need, and they get upset about it. They don’t like the way they look.
I suddenly thought “Oh no! I am too fat! Being fat is bad! That’s what my mom is talking about!”
Later, the teacher gave us Reese’s Peanutbutter Cups. I wanted to eat it, but instead I took mine home for my little sisters. I would start copying my mom. We had the same “problem” of wanting too much food. Obviously.
This morning I worked with a client who noticed the thought “I want more time with him”.
She found that she was actually wanting more “fun” and relaxation.
I heard this dear client saying that one way she reacted when she believed the thought that more time with him would bring her happiness, is she had a new thought; “I am going to stop wanting more time with him”. That’s the little tricky part. The strategy to deal with this BAD WANTING. I want, therefore I suffer. So I’ll figure out how to stop wanting anything.
But what if the wanting isn’t “bad”?
So first, I find out who I would be without the thought that I have to have that thing I want in order to be happy? Then I find out who I would be without the thought that wanting it is bad?
Who would I be without the thought that if I was thinner, I’d be happier? Who would I be without the thought that if I had more money, I’d have more freedom, more adventure, or more security? Who would I be without the thought that if I had more time, I’d be more successful?
Who would I be without the thought that if I stopped WANTING things in the first place, I’d be happier? Can I just “want” and still be happy?!
“Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward.~Byron Katie
With inquiry, I notice that wanting stuff is not so bad. In fact, it’s kind of exciting. It gives me new, creative ideas. It’s like the world is a playground and I see the swings, the jungle gym, the monkey bars and want to run around on all of them, oh boy!
I also notice, there is more to “me” than this wanting. It is not all I am.
“When things are not the way you prefer, that does not mean that they shouldn’t be happening. It means that they are not what you want….Your wanting it different means that you want it different. Whatever is you up til now is allowed. Whatever you want or choose now is also allowed. You are allowed to be what you are…”~ Bruce di Marsico
I am allowed to be what I am, wanting to have fun, play, eat candy. Wanting more time, wanting more money….
When I stop criticizing myself for be a big WANTING machine, I can find out more about what I fear, why I want, what is going on in this present moment where “wanting” exists.
What if wanting is the way of it, sometimes?
Come bring your fabulous WANTING and investigate it for the weekend in Seattle next month. We will gather at Goldilocks Cottage (my home) and dive into The Work and see who we are without our stories about believing we want. Limited to 14 people, non-residential.
For more information on this first weekend in June click here.
With love, Grace