Month: February 2012

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I Have Enough Money

A man at the Cleanse was doing The Work on Money.

One of my favorite topics….

He was standing in the audience and raised his hand, and told about how he just wanted to feel really successful and have enough money.

Katie asked him to think about the WORST moment in his entire life where he had the least amount of money.

I have shared my worst moment before. What I say about that moment is that I had absolutely nothing left in my bank account. Maybe something like a few dollars and cents, so that the account still existed.

I had a stack of bills. One was for my mortgage which was due within the next few days.

The man sharing at the Cleanse had a moment, too. He was standing on the street in New York City and had just taken his last $300 and purchased what he thought was a piece of fancy electronic equipment.

When he opened the box, there was nothing inside. He had been conned.

That kind of moment, when you feel revenge, anger, fury at someone because you are sure they are at fault…I can sum it up in just about one word…..”KILL!”

At that moment if I were a samurai, I would take out my sword, like in the famous zen story, and raise it over the person who insulted and conned me, the person who was to blame. KILL THAT PERSON!

In MY worst moment, I blamed myself, which was just as horrible, maybe even more horrible. The bitterness, despair, and thinking I should have prevented this terrible moment with no money in it….”ouch” is too small a word for that moment. It’s more like a huge loud howl of fear.

Then Katie asked the man at the Cleanse, “what happened next?”

The man said he went to stay with some friends. We all burst out laughing. The man had a huge smile on his face.

In my worst moment, all that happened was I sat in a chair and made some phone calls.

Seeing this kind of moment for what it really is, has been incredible.

Katie asks “have you ever really needed any more money than you have had?”

The man at the Cleanse could honestly answer “no”. So can I. And I don’t need any more money right now in this moment either.

Our teleclass on Money, Business, Marketing and all those apparently tricky topics starts next Wednesday!!

Love, Grace

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Primal Scream Group Shares and The Work

One thing I love about The Work, is that it’s not one thing.

What I mean, is that it seems to incorporate into just about all types of therapies and practices and makes them better.

When I was in graduate school studying psychology, I learned about many famous therapists and their ideas about how to help humans stop suffering.

I also tried just about everything that was put in front of me (no, I’m not  talking about food…although as you know from my food stories that on a binge, I did eat everything in front of me….

but I digress, that is not the topic today).

I tried every kind of retreat, workshop, lecture, book, method, exercise, plan, orientation, spiritual practice that might help me understand life and live a better one.

All the way from Arthur Janov’s “Primal Scream,” that was popular in the 1970s where clients cried their guts out and screamed and beat pillows with a tennis racket.

To Freudian three-times-a-week talk therapy with a psychoanalyst. Good ol’ Freud with his talk about “transference”and childhood trauma and “projections”.

Carl Rogers was one of my favorite authors and therapists, and learning about his life and what he called “unconditional positive regard” with clients,  really hearing them, was so sweet, so wonderful to hear that this alone helped people transform themselves.

I loved sitting in a “gestalt” workshop once where all the teachings were from Fritz Perls and we role played like actors….the way Katie works with people, acting the part of that very person who is driving us nuts.

And I’ve spent hours in meditation retreats, listening to the incredible teachings of thoughtful, beautiful individuals who have worked with their own minds and questioned them (in fact I’ll be sitting again with a teacher called Adyashanti next month who is one of my favorites, he’s such a dear and wise man).

And the sharing in 12 steps! Revealing all the darkness, bleakest, rock-bottom stories of extreme suffering to other supportive and honest people who have walked the same walk!

Everything has had its sweet, perfect place. In every room, group, therapist, retreat, or workshop there is wisdom, learning….and there are also PEOPLE! And if there’s not a disturbing, boring, annoying, broken, sad or difficult person….then there’s the weather, or the traffic or the poor quality of the hand-outs! Ha! Voila! The four questions!

Now that I have The Work I notice that asking the four questions enhances every single one of these theories or modalities I’ve encountered over the years. What an adventure!

I love how we humans are thirsty for knowledge, learning, understanding, seeking, reading, analyzing….thirsty for peace. I love how the Work can bring it.

Love, Grace

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Gimme More Right Now

Yesterday I was reviewing the thoughts many of you sent in
that were your Top Three stressful beliefs for 2011.

What a fun list! OK, “fun” is not exactly the word most would use.

So many of our painful beliefs have to do with what we’re
thinking about ourselves:

*I’m not doing enough
*I should be doing MORE
*I’m not good enough
*I’ll never get this right

Katie speaks often that to really do The Work we need to focus on that
other nasty, mean, troubled, sad, difficult person and judge the heck
outta THEM first. We need to write down all our thoughts about them that are
petty, childish, non-politically-correct, rude, nasty, mean…

But those beliefs about ourselves, they feel like a knife in the gut.

And sometimes, those painful thoughts are the ones that are there…it’s
just the way it is. Hateful, brutal, violent, nasty, mean thoughts about
ourselves. They really hurt.

And they are so amazing to question.

Is it really, really absolutely true that you are not doing enough? Are
you absolutely sure that you are not good enough? Can you be positive
that you will NEVER get things “right” or that you aren’t doing the
best you can?

We’re sooooo sure that we could do better.

Yesterday I had the feeling pass through my whole body and mind that
if I said “no” to a dear friend of mine, he would be so unhappy he would
be crushed. He is feeling so depressed he is suicidal.

A toddler screams when you take away the pair of sharp scissors he’s picked
up and was going to put in his mouth. But parents are clear that the
scissors are not safe to chew on, the toddler is confused and doesn’t
know any better.

With adults I become less clear. The simplest requests become complicated.

Our co-workers say “can you work for me next month?” Our children
ask “can you give me some money?” Our parents say “can you come visit us?”
and we notice that we want to say “no” but don’t speak it directly and end up avoiding the person who was asking, or we get mad at them silently (or not-so-silently).

So there I am thinking about myself “I should be doing MORE”. This is really
no different from a good friend asking me for MORE (time, attention, advice).
I notice that I love that friend dearly, he is hurting, and I know that he will be OK. I don’t have to avoid or push him away in anger. He is just being honest, he is being himself, doing the best he can.

I am doing the best I can, too.

So is everyone else.

Who would I be without the thought that I should be doing more, or that I am
not good enough? Or that I need to say “yes” to everyone who asks me for
anything? Or pissed off at everyone who asks me for something?

Who would you be without the thought that all those people out there who are
so annoying, mean, rude or needy could do better than they are doing?

I’d be in a place that was really clear right in that moment. I’d take the scissors
out of the toddler’s hands and then hug the cute little two-year-old while he screamed his eyes out. I might even chuckle that he’s so upset. And he’d probably forget about the scissors in 30 seconds and move on to something else.

I would give to myself, too. I’d feel comfort for myself, feel kind towards myself,
and feel amused at my own mistaken thoughts of how much better I could be doing or how I’m not good enough and ought to be doing more.

Everything would relax….

That’s what doing The Work gives me nearly every time I do it. Freedom
from having to do MORE or be MORE than I actually am. Freedom to say
“no” and freedom to say “yes”.

The next class on Money and Business, such a great topic for clarity around
saying “no” or saying “yes” to others, starts in only 10 days, Wednesdays at 4:30 pm
Pacific time. Check your time zone and join us in exploring freedom!

Much love,
Grace

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Breaking Free From Food Laws

This morning I worked with a client who has had a very common
belief since she was a teenager;

“Crisps make me fat”.

(Can you tell she’s from the United Kingdom?) Of course here in the United States we have the same thought only we say “potato chips make me fat”. In France
they say it in French. Ha!

In countries all over the planet, people learn beliefs about food and
eating. This food is “good”, this food is “bad”, eat lots of vegetables,
quit eating big portions, never eat at night, count every calorie, be
free and eat whatever you like, leave food on your plate, avoid bread at
all times.

These beliefs can get pretty dramatic, like “Sugar will kill you”.

There is so much advice, so many books, and whole university programs
devoted to studying the “best” ways to eat. The anxiety, anguish, confusion,
and hopelessness many people feel who don’t know what to do is enormous.

I love answering question Number Four in The Work….Who would you
be WITHOUT that thought? What would I do, how would I feel, what
would my relationship be like with those potato chips if I didn’t
believe they make me fat?

What would it be like if I didn’t believe the thought that ANYTHING was
“bad” for me to eat or “good” for me to eat?

I might actually notice what I enjoyed. I might try everything. If my
doctor said “you have an illness called diabetes so you need to avoid
this list of foods” then I would stop eating those foods and notice how
many others were available.

If crisps don’t make me fat, like how I felt when I was a little kid about
all food, then perhaps I’d take a bite of them and savor and enjoy and clap
my hands with how yummy they are…..and then I might run outside to play hide-and-seek with all the kids in the neighborhood.

Who would you be without that painful, angry, hateful, sad thought
you have?

Food has so much connection in our minds with “fat”. The real crime,
the most dreadful state, the most horrible, hideous thing some of us think
we could be……is FAT.

But who would we be if we questioned the belief that food of any kind
makes us fat?

For me, I didn’t think that was possible. Of course food made me fat.
But then I remembered that I didn’t believe anything about food making me
fat from the moment I was born until around age 8.

It is possible to be your own personal authority on this subject. To start
all over and un-do your beliefs. Pretend you’re from another planet and
you never heard of certain foods being “bad” or “good”. Find out
what is really, really true for you.

It might be OK to not know anything….to be like a little child full of
joy, happiness, eating with delight, then moving on to the next fun
experience in life.

Questioning the “laws” of food and eating that you’ve learned can lead to
such happy freedom!

I love to do this over and over again with others, in our teleclasses.

The next one starts at the end of March!

Love,
Grace

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Ultimate Control For Control Freaks

I love “control freaks.”

Some of my best friends are control freaks!

(Like the one I see in the mirror every morning).

Actually, the one in the mirror turned over a new leaf. Things didn’t work
very well the way I was living before…..or I should say, the way I was
“thinking” before.

I used to do the “extreme control–extreme outta control” dance.

On the control freak side, I would believe “I AM INDEPENDENT!”
I used to think no one can make me do anything I don’t want to do. I used to think life is tough, you have to work really hard, you have to scan the environment for dangerous people and situations, you have to be a TERMINATOR.

On the outta control side (which would ALWAYS come along as a matter of balance
or something) I would believe “I GIVE UP!” I would think, I have to please other
people, I need to be normal and nice, I need help from other people, and I don’t
care what happens to me. I would be a puddle of jello.

Sometimes I just laugh when I feel myself starting to
try to “control a situation” with my body tension…my fists get tight, I
clench my jaw, I lean forward…

…as if that does anything but HURT!

In my teleclasses, I usually start with a “Katie Quote.”

The other day, in our “Horrible Food-Wonderful Food” class,
I read a quote from Question Your Thinking, Change the World by
Byron Katie. It went like this:

“For people who are tired of the pain, nothing could be worse than trying
to control what can’t be controlled. If you want real control, drop the
illusion of control; let life have you. It does anyway. You’re just telling a
story about how it doesn’t. That story can never be real.”

One thing I used to notice about that extreme attempt to control
my world, myself, my actions, and avoid difficult situations is that
DESPITE my attempts to control things in a very intense way….
THEY COULD NOT BE CONTROLLED.

I would wind up flipping to a sort-of opposite extreme of surrender.
I would be spent, wiped-out, crushed, smacked down, over-whelmed,
reclusive, king of licking my wounds….you can hear the violence in
this kind of experience.

Trying to control life, to control anything, I always wound up
being “forced” to stop trying to run into the wall head first.

I would have to lie down and rest eventually….

It’s a relief to realize we’re being breathed and our hearts are beating
without us actually doing ANYTHING. The chair is supporting me.
The floor is underneath the chair. I didn’t build this house, or the chair.
I just wound up sitting here today, typing.

I don’t have to hunt down air, it seems to be all around me, and I’m
totally and completely DEPENDENT on it. Eeeewwww! Dependent used
to be a “bad” word for the terminator.

Now it’s a relief. No effort. Just doing what I do right here, now. No need
to add anything more to my to-do list.

And guess what? The more I relax, the more I let go of trying to run things,
the easier life has become. There are kind people absolutely everywhere,
wanting to connect and help. There are fun ideas popping in constantly,
there is creativity and curiosity.

There is “success”, no more debt, always enough air, food, warmth, love,
happiness, laughter.

I love how Katie says “have you ever REALLY needed more money than
you had?!!” Wow. No I haven’t. I’m alive and well, it seems.

Come look at those terminator thoughts, the ones that aren’t so relaxing
and fun, and find out what a blast it is to be “dependent”. (Did you just
squirm?)

To your knowing that there is enough, and you don’t have to try to control
anything….

Love,
Grace

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Push Less Have More

I have a confession to make. I sometimes (especially the past week)
really, really believe the:

I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!

This thought is a whole system or way of thinking. If I’m thinking
this thought, it also means that I need to believe that I have things
I need to do that I’m not getting done.

It means I believe if I don’t get things finished, done, completed…
then bad things will happen….or at least no good things will happen.

Quite often, the reason I need more time is so that I can do things
that will GIVE me MORE MONEY, or MORE PLEASURE.

Several years ago I was in the worst place in my life financially. I thought
I might actually lose my house to foreclosure. I had no idea where the
next mortgage payment would come from, and it was due in two days!

PANIC, SADNESS, HORROR.

I knew I needed some help to keep my mind on track, answering the
four simple and profound questions. I knew that since I was really scared,
I might not answer them clearly by myself.

I hired an experienced facilitator of The Work. It was the last money I had.

This wonderful facilitator and dear woman heard all my thoughts about
failing financially. I did The Work on the thought “I need to PUSH to be
successful”.

I knew what I meant by “push”. It meant to stay up late, rise up early,
work-work-work, make phone calls, write emails, show up in person
to meetings, never say No, and to never back down.

It’s like being a real tough guy with fists tightly clenched. No sense of humor,
no relaxation. Steam coming out of the ears!!!

I got to question four. Who would I really be without the thought “I need to
PUSH to be successful”?? What would I do if I didn’t believe that thought?
How would I live my life without that thought?

My whole entire body relaxed. I had this day to enjoy. I noticed that I loved
working with clients. I had amazing friends. I had an incredible family. I noticed
that I thought about how I could move into my mother’s basement, even though I was a grown woman with two kids, recently divorced. Even though I thought that would be embarrassing, I sat with that image in my mind of moving my stuff into my mother’s basement and didn’t reject it.

I found the turnaround “I need to LET GO to be successful”. Could this really
be possible? I didn’t seem like it. But I stayed with the process and found
real examples of how letting go might lead to success.

When I got off the phone with my facilitator, I called my mother. We had one of the best, most wonderful conversations we had in years about what it would be like if I
moved in.

I called my sisters just to connect with them and let them know the truth of what was going on.

I called some very dear friends and talked with them about all my options,
really listened to their suggestions, and waited.

I did nothing, unless it felt really loving (like making those phone calls).

One of my sisters called back and said she would lend me enough money for
three months of expenses. I would need to pay her back in a year. Interest free.

I made that mortgage payment. I still live in my house. But I could move in
with my mother any time and know that it would be a fantastic
adventure in getting to live with her again after 25 years…..but it doesn’t seem
that it will go that way, at least not for now.

If you’d like to look deeply at some of your harshest thoughts about earning
money and receiving income, paying bills, and what it takes to do it, then join the
Wednesday afternoon teleclass that starts in two weeks!

To letting go and pushing less in your life,

Grace

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Yikes! Workaholics Doing The Work?

You’d think the LAST thing anyone would want to give a
workaholic…would be something called, “The Work!”

Like adding fuel to the fire?
Like giving a cat burglar your house key?
Like giving a beaver a chainsaw?
Like Bill Gates winning the lottery?

And speaking from (LOTS of) experience, it’s actually
pretty hard NOT to try to use your own established, painful
patterns–in my case, workaholic-neurotic–when you first start inquiring
into your thinking.

Like the fly endlessly droning on the window, struggling in the
same old way to get out…and TRULY EXPECTING a different result.

In other words, we try to work “hard” to make “The Work”
work just that little bit better…

…just a little bit more control (which hurts)
…just a little bit more force (which hurts)
…just a little bit more manipulation (which hurts)

Like going bowling and watching the ball heading toward the
right gutter…so you tense up and lean to the right to “make” it go straight!

It’s funny what we do. If something doesn’t work, why not just do the same
thing? Only harder?

And when we’re in the midst of the desperation and struggle and
“workaholism”…it seems to make absolutely perfect sense.

We actually BELIEVE we’re going to “fix” the situation with
more of the same…harder, faster, more pressure…and more of
the INTERNAL VIOLENCE AGAINST OURSELVES that has
never worked in the first place.

It’s just more of the subtle ways we try to exert our “control”
over ourselves and everything around us.

We’re so amazingly laser-ed in on fixing ourselves so we
can finally have money, order, control, enough accomplished,
more time, and improve just a little more…

…that THEN, we can finally relax, take a break, and be happy.

It’s my story to the hilt! Years and years of agony, trying harder,
and more and more force that just made me more miserable.
Honestly, I was doing it a little to myself this past week, while
doing taxes! Here comes the mind, creeping in with it’s “good
ideas” for working harder…

When I first tried to do The Work I couldn’t sit still long enough
to really get anywhere.

Some people have breakthroughs by going to a “Katie event.”
Some by doing The Work on the Helpline.
Some by going to the School (which is what I did, 3 times).
Some by working with one of the many fabulous facilitators
on the Byron Katie website.
Some by working in teleclasses where you realize the
astonishing fact that everyone’s thoughts are just like yours!

Such a relief!

It can seem like a “new” revelation…over and over and over…

…as you educate your mind.

Because your MIND would have you believe that it’s JUST YOU.

That you’re the only one suffering…you’re ALONE…there’s
no one out there…there’s no hope…you’ll never succeed…

…so why bother trying? You never make it.

Some people see suicide as the only way out. I sure thought about it,
but that’s the mind’s job and it’s incredibly subtle in leading you
down the same old path…believing it will finally work…THIS time.

My new teleclass is for:

-work-aholics
-overwhelm-aholics
-money-aholics
-get-motivated-aholics
-stress-aholics
-finally-get-organized-aholics,
-fix-myself-aholics
-I’ve-gotta-quit-procrastinating-aholics
-success-books-aholics
-success-seminar-aholics

Because they all hurt.

The teleclass where we get to sidetrack those runaway trains-to-nowhere
and despair, and finally steer them to the gentle, peaceful station
that’s the home within ourselves…where we can breathe and let
our knotted stomachs relax and let our aching shoulders drop.

The teleclass starts on Wednesdays, Feb. 22nd for 8 weeks of working
together and partnering–to looking at the pain of work and money.

Sending you relief from stress and trying so hard,

Grace

“Grace, I love how you are so affirming of everyone’s process and are 
such an accepting/loving presence.”–Celia, teleclass participant

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Superbowl Baloney Vs Blasphemy

It’s easy to dismiss the Superbowl as unimportant or baloney.

A lot of people do. I didn’t watch any of it.  I didn’t think about it much…I knew
people were out there enjoying themselves watching it and I wondered who was
winning and losing…but some people even speak as if they’re AGAINST the
Superbowl itself!

“There are more important things going on in the world…why make such
a fuss over something so ridiculous and contrived and UNimportant in the
great scheme of things?”

“Just a bunch of overgrown boys who promote violence, and competition…
pushing a stupid ball back and forth on a field.”

“All this fuss over a GAME. Look at all the money, the advertising, the
hype!”

But the fans might really think any of this kind of thinking is BLASPHEMY!

So who’s “right?” Wow, it’s just another competition!

One of the things I love about watching Byron Katie work with people is the
way she never “takes sides”…even when the person she’s working with seems
to have an absolutely LEGITIMATE case…

…even when I don’t notice that I’m subtly starting to “agree” with the persons story…
as are the people around me.

Katie also says that the longer you do The Work, the more you start to see that
EVERYTHING is a metaphor of mind.

So if you have no attachment to sports, whether it be the Superbowl or the soccer
matches in parts of the world where people are sometimes KILLED during rioting…

Watch your own reactions to:

Liberals vs Conservatives
Atheists vs Believers
Deep vs Shallow People
Accepting vs Judgmental People
Materialist vs Spiritual
Capitalist vs Humanitarian
Arrogant vs Humble
Rich vs Poor
Terrorist vs World Peace Activist
Haves vs Have Nots
Woman’s Rights vs Male Oppressors
Polar bears/Ozone layer/Global Warming vs
Big Oil & Earth-Destroying Uncaring Corporations

…and of course, the postman (or woman) vs the dogs!

Or… if it’s not sports, watch your reactions to a son or daughter or niece or nephew’s
performance at a debate, singing or piano recital, or spelling bee.

How do you feel in your body? Are you SO wanting them to do well…is it stressful?
Can you hardly stand the tension?

I can remember almost being sick before a cross-country meet when I was back in college, or before I went on stage when in the theater.

Or how are you doing right before a job interview?

There’s freedom in questioning ALL of the above…and less tension and stress in your body when you do…and more love.

As Katie also says, “What you’re left with AFTER you question your thinking is ALWAYS kinder than your story.”

One of my favorite places to question thoughts and judgments is in our RELATIONSHIPS…the “who’s right and who’s wrong” and the “winning and losing” can become incredibly painful.

So much so that the argument “takes over” and all we want to do is PROVE that our most beloved friends, children, lovers, co-workers…

…ARE WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!

It’s the real nitty-gritty of our lives.

But it can be so confusing, and so hard to stop, even when it makes no sense at all and
everybody loses…

…just as intense as a screaming match between Giants and Patriots fans on
Superbowl Sunday.

And is it really any different?

The countdown to my next “Relationship Hell into Heaven” teleclass is just 3 days.
It starts on Super Friday, at 8 am PST for 8 weeks of uncovering what is happening
when we’re hurting the ones we love, hurting ourselves with the bitter negative thinking
about ourselves, and can’t seem to stop.

Wishing you clarity and laughter when you feel yourself getting caught up in winning and losing…

And by the way…I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out! (I love that joke).
Yes, laughing about competition is MUCH more fun than hating the competition.

Love,
Grace

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Non Superbowl Suicide Survival Testimonial

I was going to write an e-mail that had something to do
with the upcoming Superbowl…maybe about how powerful
our internal “winning and losing” can be…not just in fueling
the multi-billion-dollar sports industry…

But in arguments and power struggles with the people we
dearly love and cherish…that start as innocent differences of
opinion…but that then escalate…almost with a life of their
own…into winning and losing that hurts and attacks.

But I got this e-mail in response to the one Friday about
cravings and trying to fill ourselves and our lives with other things…

…like food, sex, money, looking beautiful, being smart and getting
lots of degrees, exercise, power, enough approval to make the
pain stop…it’s all the same thing.
———
Dear Grace,

I had tears in my eyes when I was reading your e-mail from yesterday.

I could really see how your struggle with food and eating was just
like my attempts to do enough, and learn enough when I was
in my early twenties.

I was innocently trying to make myself OK, but didn’t know how.

I tried with all my strength but I just couldn’t ever succeed at what
I was trying to do which wasn’t anything all that unusual.

I was in such despair and depression after trying over and over
that I just couldn’t try any more and I couldn’t see that my struggle
would ever end.

I finally took sleeping pills and booze, to make sure it was enough
to kill me because no matter what, I didn’t want to go through this anymore.
My mom found me and I was rushed to the hospital
and was in a coma for a couple days.

I woke up and was then angry to still be alive and on top of everything
else, I would now have to face the embarrassment of having
tried to commit suicide.

Like you, and so many people I’ve talked to, I’ve done a life time
of seeking with every therapy, meditation technique, prayer, success
seminar, religion, book, practice, soul searching, journaling, and
trying to find answers from people I thought could provide them.

It seems that I learned something from everything, but with doing
The Work these last years, it seems that all my previous searching
makes sense and I have compassion for myself and what I was
doing and though I still struggle with many things, I notice a
deepening sense of peace and little by little, struggle less and less.

I find that working alone and with others in teleclasses and the
helpline and with friends who do The Work, I have a common
language of the soul to continue this process.

Sometimes there are periods where I actually don’t struggle
or strain at all.

It’s not a big mystical thing like I thought it would be.

But it is the greatest gift and miracle I could ever imagine to
just feel OK as an ordinary person.

–A friend in The Work and in Life.
—————–
I love hearing from this dear fellow traveler about his own life
journey.

Come join one of the upcoming teleclasses, all listed here. We
laugh, we cry, we investigate….amazing!

Love,
Grace

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Craving Torture Freedom

Craving. Wanting. Desiring. Grabbing. Needing.

I used to have this experience on a daily basis. If I didn’t
have an overwhelming compulsion to eat food, I might have
been in the middle of smoking a cigarette (yes, I used to smoke).
Or I might have been drinking wine.

The feeling was sooooo strong, sooooo dramatic and intense.

My mind was convinced “if I can’t get something to satisfy
my craving, I will die, I will explode, I will go crazy!”

Nevermind that right in the middle of that thought I felt
entirely and completely CRAZY already.

I had a one-track, focused, determined mind. I WANT.

Then, after indulging….I would feel desperate, full of despair, full of
self-hate (why can’t I control this???) and suicidal.

I would get a PLAN. I’ll get a new diet and do yoga, say affirmations,
have a meditation practice, get up at 6 am to exercise, buy
special food….and follow the plan. I’d get CONTROL of the
situation. of myself, of my symptoms, of my cravings.

But I always knew there must be another way…..

There must be a way to live without such intense craving,
without feeling crazy, without wanting to destroy myself.

I began to look at the moment of CRAVING and seeing what was
going on right in that split second. I had amazing guides along the
way; therapists, friends, practitioners….

And I began to question my thinking right in that moment of craving.
What do I actually really, really want? Is it true that I MUST get
something or go crazy? Is it true that I can’t handle this feeling right
now? Is it absolutely true that I am needy, or that I NEED SOMETHING
NOW OR I WILL EXPLODE??!!

I slowed down and found out what was actually true, for me.

That’s what we do in the teleclass group Horrible Food Wonderful Food.
We look at different parts of our thinking about eating, craving, wanting,
diets, plans, fat, thin…..watching all the thoughts that gallop along with curiosity.
What is this moment showing me? What is this feeling?

Even if you’re not sure what you’re thinking….it starts to become
clear. And it’s fun! It’s not torture!

Wow, who would have ever thought that CRAVING would be OK.
Even FUN.

And guess what? I haven’t felt the pull of craving turning into self-hate
around food, smoking or drinking for many years now. Everyone
has their own journey, their own timeline….but for someone who once
wanted to commit suicide just to get out of the cycle of craving, my
thoughts are now my friends and I love all my interactions with food!

You can have this too, I know it.

The next teleclass starts Saturdays (only offered once a year on the
weekend) February 11th, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. You can do The Work for
breakfast, as Katie likes to say (although I know some of you will be
in other distant time zones so you can do The Work for lunch…or dinner!)

To your freedom,

Grace