Tag: emotional eating

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Eating Peace: The Best First Question To Understand Eating

Eating Peace Online is closed for this session, no exceptions now.

I’ll have it open up again next fall.

We began the live inquiry sessions today….

….to understand what the heck is going on when it comes to eating being a problem!

Today I share how to begin to understand.

It all starts with answering a simple question: Why are you upset about your relationship with food? Why are you upset about eating?

You can write the answer in your journal.

You may even want to add to it over time.

You may notice you have a whole lot to say.

But once you have it written down, you have powerful concepts and beliefs to examine, to wonder about.

Watch here, and I’d love your comments and will answer any questions you have.

Lots of Peace,

Grace

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Eating Peace – Distorted Thinking, Distorted Eating

Whenever I start a new program, even if I’ve taught it many times before, I review the whole thing and often make little changes or notes.

Yesterday I was contemplating the way the Mind works when it comes to food and eating troubles as I reviewed the Eating Peace presentations, twelve 90 minute lectures with slides.

Beliefs, thoughts and views of the world sure do affect our lives in a deep way, including the way we eat.

Some of its conscious, some not so much.

The mind is quite remarkable, so busy, full, quick, and often–mistaken!

That Mind.

It’ll get things all twisted up and mixed around so you don’t know what’s up or down anymore.

It’s called making up stories based on past imprints or situations….worrying….anticipation….regret.

In the world of psychology, one term for the way thinking gets whacky when it comes to food (and other stressful stories) is….

….distorted thinking.

I talk today in this video about some of the ways we get distorted thinking when it comes to food….

….and the REAL origin or view of distortion (its not really about food).

I love how food is a reflection of how you feel about life.

Click here to listen, and leave a comment for me on my website, or on youtube after you watch–I love reading your impressions and feedback, and answering your questions.

Lots of peace,

Grace

P.S. Click HERE to read all about Eating Peace, the upcoming Online and Live Telecourse Program from February 22-May 31, 2015. Jam-packed with information and tools for healing the relationship with food, and with life.

Sign up here if you’re ready now (limited to 16, getting full):

undefined full one-time payment
undefined 1st payment for 3-payment plan (now, 3/22 & 4/22)
Once you register, I’ll personally send you all the information you’ll need via email.
Much love,
Grace
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Eating Peace – Four Areas To Look When It Comes To Troubled Eating

In the last 3 or 4 years I’ve had a strange and completely unplanned phase of gathering all the teachings I ever received around healing eating troubles….

….and categorizing them into four broad and spacious areas.

I did this because people asked me for help.

I wasn’t shy about saying I had healed from a raging eating disorder and whacked thinking about food.

But I also sometimes felt very reluctant to help.

It’s so intense! It took so long! All those healers, therapists, retreats, workshops, books, and degrees!

How could I ever put into words what I’ve learned about having a fabulous relationship with food?

But one day, I started.

I sat very quietly, considering what was the “answer” to this difficult problem with food, when there is too much, or not enough, and never any deep satisfaction?

I had worked with many clients over time, young women from teens to college students….and then older women all the way to age 80.

Then I had a man come for help with food and eating, and another.

I had lots of experience working with these people one-on-one, I had brought in self-inquiry especially in the form of The Work of Byron Katie to question what we thought was true in the moments we want to reach for food even though we’re not hungry.

And something started coming together to make this easier, more organized, more helpful.

The four broad areas I began to think about (and feel about) became the perfect areas for awareness of what really worked, and what didn’t.

Mind, Feelings, Body, Spirit.

It was so exciting to see what fit where along my journey, what was most important for me to learn, what really made a powerful difference.

Today in this fairly short video, I talk about this part of my freedom journey around food, eating and body….

….where I feel like after several decades of “work” on finding peace around food, I was drawn to take a look-see back over all the path I took, pick the very best of it all, the cream of the crop of teachings, and offer this to others who want to heal their relationship with food, too.

Because I know, every person who returns to joy and innocence with food has access to pleasure, joy, love and simplicity, not just around eating….

….but around everything else in their lives!

Seriously, it’s hard to believe, but the relationship with food, eating and the body really was an avenue into the deepest spirit within me.

If you change the way you experience food, you’ll change the way you experience your entire life.

Click below to watch today’s video.

Then, in a few days, I’ll send a video where I talk about the highlights I found in each area….

….Mind, Feelings, Body, and Spirit….

….that were the MOST important to learn to make peace with eating.

You can use them to help you heal the way you eat and the way you relate to food, or your size.

If I could do it, you can too.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace – Mind Like Water

What if you stopped trying so hard to do something about the way you eat, your weird food behavior, your cravings, your discord?
You might think “OMG! But! I have to do SOMETHING!!!!”
Right?
Otherwise….
….(terrible images, terrible feelings, terrible sadness).
What if instead you said Mind Like Water instead.
Watch here to see what I’m talking about:
Eating Peace With Grace Mind Like Water
Eating Peace With Grace Mind Like Water
You can relax, it’s OK.
Much love,
Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Workshop is filling this year. I love the people who are attending. Reserve your spot now, it’s one month away only. Click HERE.

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Eating Peace: Stop, Drop and Roll When Your Mind’s On Fire

Even though it seems crazy simple and like seriously? That could work?

Yes.

Your mind is going 924 miles per hour, believing the thought “I have to eat something!” or “I can’t take it anymore!” or “Emergency!”

If you find yourself in the middle of a craving, or starting to binge eat, try this:

 

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Is Love Really Always Better Than Hate?

Yesterday I created a webinar and lots of people attended…. although I have no idea how many were still online by the end of the 90 minutes it took for me to go through my slides.

(Here’s the link to listen to the recording. Sit down with a pen and paper to take some notes….I share some of the tools I love that helped me become peaceful with food for the past several decades).

Click Here to Listen

I’d love feedback.

Really.

And have you ever noticed a part of you that doesn’t want feedback for something you’ve offered?

“No…don’t give me any feedback. I don’t wanna know, actually. I only want compliments. I don’t want REAL feedback, I want approval.”

Ha ha!

That’s the voice of the one who feels empty sometimes.

The other day, in the Year of Inquiry (YOI) group, we looked at the thought “that person should tell me where I stand!”

Oh the pain, the agony, the wondering, the hand-wringing.

What do they think of me?

I asked one wonderful inquirer in our group….if you knew that what the person thinks of you is BAD….would you still want to know where you stand?

She replied YES.

It is interesting how some part of us just wants to know, so we can make our plans, lick our wounds, move on, make a decision, envision the future, close a door on the past.

But inside, I noticed that what I REALLY REALLY would love, really really, if I were to know where I stand with someone, was that I was appreciated, loved, and accepted.

I don’t really like the idea of knowing someone’s honest belief was that I was stupid, boring, ridiculous, good-for-nothing, worthless.

At least, under the surface for me, it seems like it’d be better to find approval, love, attention, and attraction from others rather than disapproval, hate, dismissal and repulsion.

But what a great thing to question.

Receiving loving attention is better than receiving strong criticism.

Is that true?

Yes. Duh! Haven’t you studied psychology? Have you noticed what humans do when they don’t receive enough loving attention?

How about the monkeys they did experiments on in the 1970s where researchers gave some baby monkeys metal fake monkey mothers who gave them no attention, while other baby monkeys were placed in cages with real monkey mothers?

The baby monkeys with real monkey mothers were MUCH HAPPIER! I rest my case!

Are you positively sure?

Yes! Critical comments, people saying “ewww that sucked” or people saying “listening to you was a waste of my time” or metal monkeys that sit there and don’t snuggle or interact….

….these really don’t seem as fun. Heh heh.

How do I react when I believe praise and whatever-I-think-love-looks-like is MUCH better than criticism and people turning away, or saying “hurtful” things?

I want to hide. Give up.

I want to get away from people. I don’t feel connected. I question the point of living. I want to escape. I start thinking about watching the next Breaking Bad episode, or that maybe I’ll get a day job.

Many people console themselves with food, smoking, drinking, sexual stimulation of some kind, drugs, projects, work, cleaning, facebooking, distraction, avoidance.

Many people feel shame, embarrassment, like it’s their fault they’ve generated a “negative” response inside someone.

Only positive responses should be coming their way.

Otherwise…..bad bad person. Unworthy.

But who would you be if you couldn’t even think that receiving praise, attention, words or gestures of attraction, interest, love, approval, gifts, smiles….

….who would you be if you didn’t think these things were better than receiving criticism, judgment, disinterest, rejection, anger, hate, disapproval, dismissal, frowns?

Weird, right?

So hooked up to like the love stuff better than the hate stuff. Hee hee. Of course!

But without the belief that it’s truly, deeply, horrifically worse to receive “negative” feedback….

….I feel so open.

Surrendered, in a good and beautiful way.

Ready, willing, learning, aware. It’s like the juiciest gift to hear the real perceptions of people. The most fascinating thing. No need to run whatsoever. No need to hide.

It saves a lot of energy, and frantic reacting. There is peace present, a most incredible peaceful energy, glowing from the center of me.

The energy passes right through me, and out the other side. It rises like a wave, and recedes back down.

“If somebody says something that we don’t like, obviously our resistance won’t stop them from having said it. What we’re really resisting is the experience of the event passing through us. We don’t want it affecting us inside…..Eventually you’ll see that this resistance is a tremendous waste of energy. Events are not problems, they’re just events. Your resistance to them is what causes the problem.” ~ Michael Singer

Without the belief that love is better than hate in my mind, I notice love is here anyway, not hate.

There was nothing to worry about.

Even hate seems like it’s a piece of love, maybe distorted a little (or a lot). It has caring in it, interest, passion.

And I honestly notice, there is none of that flowing around me, anywhere at the moment.

Turning the thought around: Receiving strong criticism is better than receiving loving attention.

Can you find where this has been genuinely true?

I sure can. The critical words of others has changed the course of my life. From a sister saying “stop complaining and get a job!” to me about 30 years ago….to a man saying “you’re ugly!” who I was on a date with almost 7-8 years ago….

….these people made me wake up, feel the heat, eyes wide open.

They helped me on my path to freedom.

Freedom to hear anything and everything, without fear.

And go from there, with integrity.

In the end, I realize, love or hate…it doesn’t really matter. There is a neutral silence here at all times that is far beyond either one of those energies, and it is lusciously good.

“She cares for nothing but the Tao. Thus she can care for all things.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64 

If you’re ready to go on a journey of digging into where you’ve felt “hate” for yourself around food, eating, body size, movement….then we begin on Sunday. Head over HERE to sign up.

Much love, Grace 

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Eating Peace – Video #2 – Write It Down

On the first video I sent a few days ago, I identified the three grand areas that most eating pain comes from: lack of power, upset with emptiness, afraid of feeling fear.

Powerless, empty or afraid….or any combination of the three. I used to have all three running at the same time, frequently, in my underlying beliefs about reality.

In this second video, I wanted to give you an idea of how to get clearer in the midst of all these messy, difficult and uncomfortable feelings.

I give you one of the first steps to freedom I ever took.

It was writing down the thoughts going on in my head.

Even if you’re in the middle of a binge, even if you’re full right now when you’re reading this, even if you’re starving hungry but afraid that if you start eating, you’ll take off into another eating frenzy….

….write anyway.

The best thing I ever did on my early journey into recovery from all eating issues was to get a private journal just for me, called a Binge Journal.

If you don’t binge, but you’re wanting to become more aware of your eating, call it your Eating Journal.

You are getting to know yourself through how you reach for food, how you think about food. It’s really how you think about YOU.

Start recording your thoughts every day, several times a day if you can. This is not with an effort to change or force yourself to write anything ingenuine or untrue.

This is only for noticing.

You have to start with examining what is present, with taking in where you are and what you’re working with. Without trying to change it.

Watch this video for some more of my story, and how to get started in identifying what you really believe, so you can bring it out into the light:

How To Stop Your Mind When It Comes To Food? Write It Down
How To Stop Your Mind When It Comes To Food? Write It Down

In the next video, I’ll show you not only how to potentially change your thinking using lazer sharp questions, but also what to do in the middle of a wave of powerless, empty, fearful thoughts…..when it seems like writing just isn’t enough to stop the urge.

“Awareness is a way you keep yourself company. When you are aware you are being compulsive, you are no longer locked in the behavior. You have a choice to stop. That choice–and therefore awareness itself–is freedom.” ~ Geneen Roth

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: Three Overwhelming Forces That’ll Make You Eat

People with eating issues obsess about food for many reasons, whether you’re thin, fat, slightly heavy, bulimic, starving yourself, fearing chemicals, being “perfect” about eating, upset with junk food, and everything in between.

Over the years I was deep into problems with food (from age 15 to 28) I’ve had every kind of moment you can possibly have with food.

Comfort, desperation, sadness, consoling, stuffed, starving, dieting, frightened, angry.

Of course, it was really all my experience with my thoughts and my own mind, not so much food.

So where do all those thoughts come from, that create the urge to worry about food, or eat food, or crave food, or deny food?

I found you could boil in down into three major forces. Any one of them, when running unquestioned without any self-inquiry, will kick your ass and start to overwhelm you…

….and no amount of willpower or control can stop the urge to eat.

I tell about these three forces in this video:

Eating Peace with Grace
Eating Peace with Grace

I’ll share more about what you can do specifically to relax, even if your mind is freaking out in any one of these force fields, in a second video in a few days.

If you can relate, and have questions on how to stop your patterns when it comes to food….click on this link HERE and comment over at my blog. I’ll read every comment and answer your questions!

Much love, Grace

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After A Binge or If You Feel Sick – Simply This

At a huge conference yesterday, I had an experience I haven’t had in a very long time.
Feeling very, very full after eating a feast in a really gorgeous, high end restaurant with lovely people and several hours of conversation.
As I bicycled home late at night the moon shone brightly and the air was warm…this is Scottsdale, Arizona…the desert.
All was well, until I stopped moving, jumped off my bike and entered my hotel room.
Then…woah.
My stomach is so full!
As I drank some water (so full), as I brushed my teeth (so full), as I pulled back the soft sheets (so full), as I checked emails quickly (so full), as I closed my laptop and turned out the light (so full), as I lay in silence on my back, feeling my stomach with the palms of my hands (so full).
As it turned out, something disagreed with my stomach and twice in the night I got up with diarrhea.
When something feels off in the body, the mind loves to comment.
Have you noticed?
No matter what kind of sickness, even a common cold, the mind may chatter away saying “you should have washed your hands after encountering those kids”, “you should have gotten better rest the other day”, “you shouldn’t have eaten that food”, or “you should have taken your vitamins”….
It will go on and on trying to figure out where you made the mistake, so you can avoid it again.
But what if you observe that the reason you feel bad is all because of YOU. Then, there is another meaner more vicious voice that can attack you for succumbing to your cravings. It’s bitter, critical and judgmental.
And really feels horrible. Important for inquiry.
Let’s look.
  • you should know better
  • I can’t believe you drank that/ate that
  • there is something completely wrong with you
  • you’re an idiot
  • you must not love yourself
  • this means you’re a fraud, childish, sick, needy, gross
You may have felt this way a thousand times, if you’re someone who falls into a compulsive process with food (or many other behaviors).
But instead of being so mean and raging an army against your own behavior…try something different.
Who would you be without these thoughts? Who would you be without believing your story about what happened, what’s wrong with you, or why you’re a failure?
If you’ve had a binge, take a deep breath.
Be very quiet.
Can you notice what is gentle, peaceful and sweet about this moment, now?
What else are you, besides your thoughts about the way you eat?
Can you find the opposite to your thinking?
  • you should not know any better
  • It’s completely believable and OK that you drank that/ate that
  • there is something completely right with you
  • you’re a genius
  • you must love yourself
  • this means you’re a normal human, innocent, healthy, have needs, beautiful
How could it be as true, or truer, that all unfolded as it did and you can learn from what happened?
If you’ve binged, it can be difficult to catch the thoughts you had before you felt the urge to binge…but it’s totally possible for you.
I suggest getting a Food Journal. Long ago I called mine a Binge Journal.
Write in it as soon as you remember, whether a day later after a binge, several hours after, 15 minutes after, the middle of it, or when the craving first arises.
You won’t be able to capture your thoughts on paper BEFORE you feel the cravings, if this is a new process. Don’t expect that of yourself, you’ll discover so much just by looking back at your last binge or over-eating episode.
What were you feeling, before cravings rose up? What was happening for you before you felt uncertainty, before you ate, before you drank, before you grabbed for something? Who did you think about or talk with? What did you feel afraid of?
For me…as I look right now today, I see a lot of inner activity was going on, and I didn’t take time to be with myself and rest.
Thoughts that floated through my mind yesterday, before the dinner ever took place, were like this: there are soooo many people at this conference, I want to connect with people more intimately but I’m finding it hard, I want to rest and feel the inner energy I love so much, I wish I had more money, I wish I had more time, I don’t completely belong here, I’d rather be at a meditation retreat, I’m all alone, this place is unfamiliar, I need to squeeze everything I can out of this conference and I’m not doing a good job, I am not really successful in my work.
It felt alarming, somewhat anxious. I had not stopped and questioned what I was thinking. I had believed a lot of what I thought.
Don’t belong. Not enough. Separate.
Without any of these thoughts about what I should or should not be doing, or that I am not connected or enough….
….I feel so relieved. Quiet.
Back again to nothing being required, nothing more needed in this moment, nothing missing.
“Freedom from obsession is not about something you do; it’s about knowing who you are. It’s about recognizing what sustains you and what exhausts you. What you love and what you think you love because you believe you can’t have it.” ~ Geneen Roth
Blessings to all of you who have felt the numbing harsh pain of that Mean Voice talking to you, and seeking comfort in food or drink or something that hurts you later.
There is an answer, there is a reason for it all. There is nothing wrong with you.
Here is a video for you, by a sweet spiritual teacher named Mooji. Very simple, very kind. This is one thing you can do after a binge, or when you’re overwhelmed with self-criticism or cravings.
Much love,
Grace
Eating Peace will begin on October 26th. We’ll meet most Wednesday and Sunday mornings from 8:30-10 am Pacific Time for twelve weeks. We’ll practice self-care, self-love, inquiry, and stopping before bingeing, and stopping before wild believing of everything you think. Read more details and sign up by clicking HERE.
Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: Being Afraid of Feeling Afraid Can Make You Eat

This is what it used to be like….

I’m watching the time tick by. It’s 4:15 pm. Every few minutes I glance up over the cubicles in the office where I work to the distant white clock with black numbers hanging on the wall.

Click, click. Wait. Click, click. Wait.

Maybe I can get out of here early, just slide out at 4:50 pm, and no one will notice.

No. Better stay.

I would hate to have a boss or manager walk by and see my chair empty. They’d think I was irresponsible, they’d be disappointed, they’d wonder what was going on. I need to follow the rules.

I feel bad because I made a mistake last week, and it was discovered by the business manager. A check went out to pay a bill and it was for the wrong amount.

I’m such an idiot!

She was so mean to me the way she confronted me about the error. Her tone was so vicious.

I should get a new job. I could just leave today, and never return. Who cares? If this is what it’s like to work 8-5 then it’s not worth it. I refuse to be a cog in the machine, a rat on a spinning wheel!

But if I quit, I’ll have no rent money, no health insurance. I’ll have to move back into my parent’s house. I’d be a worse failure than I am already. I hate looking for new jobs.

I am not free.

5:00 pm. I gather my things and race out of the building to my car.

Behind the wheel, it feels quieter.

I’ve escaped the building. A few hours this evening of open-ended time. A few hours where I don’t have to worry about my supervisor asking me any questions.

I should go running, I should go to the gym, I should go to that meditation group, I should change the oil in my car, I should read that self-help book before it’s due back at the library, I should see what jobs are open for application, I should re-do my resume, I should look at grad programs, I should enroll in that personal development success program, I should be doing more in my life, I should be a better person, I should, I should, I should….

….eat. 

Suddenly I’m picturing food.

I could get any kind of food I want. I could eat anything, absolutely anything. I can pick ANYTHING I WANT!!!

The next few hours were lost in the fog of eating, rushing, numbing.

Bummer.

What I never realized, because I was vibrating at such a highly anxious level, was how my mind got so freaked out with all the unresolved, fearful thoughts….

….it felt like I was about to explode.

What I didn’t let myself even realize were all the thoughts and feelings that were practically ready to burst out of me:

  • I can’t do anything right
  • having a job is too hard, life it too hard
  • I should never make mistakes
  • other people are disappointed in me
  • I’m terrified
  • I must be some kind of messed up person to be so nervous about something so trivial
  • the world is a difficult place

Being afraid of being afraid was so deep, I smashed the feeling of fear down and switched channels, ASAP, to getting the fear out of me by eating.

Quick!

Who would I be without the thought that eating would make things better right now?

Sheer beyond-control icy emptiness, sadness, isolation.

It would make things worse, if I didn’t have the thought that food will help. I absolutely have to have food.

Wait.

Right?

What if you stopped for a second, right in that MUST-HAVE-NOW moment. Even if it’s not a full-fledged binge, and you’re more the graze-eater type….

….who would you be if it was SAFE to not eat right now?

Who would you be if it was absolutely completely whole-heartedly safe to feel lonely, bored, isolated, small or worried you did something wrong?

Who would you be if in that moment, the universe was not cruel, or even difficult?

Here’s a little special piece of magic I love to use in this art of healing a compulsion that feels so strong and intense, like eating, when you’re in that eating trance like a zombie:

Say to yourself “lie down!”

If you can actually lie down, then do it.

It would be a little weird if you were in a grocery store, or driving your car…but you can do it on a “magic” level, like a part of you hears this command, this encouragement, and it can follow this wisdom.

Lie down. 

Pick yourself up and cradle yourself like you are a little baby. Rock yourself like you’re a toddler who was screaming in pain. Hold all those panicking thoughts gently, like they have something to say, instead of dismissing them all or hating them all.

You don’t actually even have to cry, or scream, all you have to do is lie down as that urge is hooking you….tell the frightened part of you to lie down.

Tell your thoughts to lie down.

If you really can lie down….go do it.

Find the couch, the bed, the floor and lie horizontal, close your eyes, breathe deeply and feel the support of everything holding you up on this planet.

Notice you are not getting wiped of the face of the earth, you are not getting struck by lightening, you are not fired, you are not hated, air is going inside your lungs, your heart is beating, you are safe.

You are safe.

All those terrible things that are possible, and running like crazy in the mind.

Have them all lie down for a second, like you have a gym full of 600 kindergartners and they are playing a game where when you say “lie down” over the loud speaker, they actually do it…because it’s fun.

You ARE free.

That’s the turnaround. You are safe, you are free. You can do nothing, you can just stop. You don’t need to escape.

Relax, relax, relax.

“I can go anywhere without the fear of being discovered, I can join anyone in their painful belief, because I have gone to the depths of my own painful beliefs. I have questioned them and seen them vanish like dreams. I have looked the monster straight in the eyes and seen only a child asking for my love.” ~ Byron Katie

We’ll be practicing LIE DOWN as one of the tools in Eating Peace, a 3 month program of recovery from being at war with food, eating or your body…..which is officially open for registration next week (even though five people are already registered)!

I’m only taking a small group. We start Sunday at 8:30 am Pacific time, October 26th.

This program will offer years of investigating this incredible dynamic, that I thought would kill me, to be honest (my relationship with food) and how I turned it into a relationship of love…a doorway to spirit.

This program is not only doing The Work. We’ll also bring many other simple but incredibly powerful practices into our process….like LIE DOWN.

These are living turnaround practices I’ve discovered along the way. Ways to feel free, feel safe, feel present here and now, whether hungry, craving, scared, anxious, tired, full or whatever the feelings are.

Most importantly….one of our practices will be to notice when we’re afraid of feeling something big. Whether anger, sadness, fear, or stress of any kind.

Turn it all around, all of it.

  • I am doing everything right
  • having a job is easy, life is easy
  • I should always make mistakes
  • other people are encouraged in me
  • I’m not terrified, only my thinking is terrified
  • I must be some kind of amazing person to be so nervous about something so fundamental to life
  • the world is a wonderful place

Who would you be without the belief that feeling intensely is dangerous?

My answer?

I found I wasn’t hungry for food anymore. Ever.

Ready to join Eating Peace? Read more details and sign up by clicking HERE.

Much love, Grace