Tag: desire

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Fire and Purification, Love and Inquiry

Valentine’s Day TeleSession 2-4:30 pm Pacific Time. Click HERE. Password: WWGVALENTINE. Donations fantastic, so helpful & not required.

It doesn’t exactly feel beautiful when someone breaks up with you, when divorce proceedings are underway, when you have a fight with your beloved, when you find yourself complaining about the same thing endlessly in a relationship.

But what I love noticing, and so grateful for, is that if it ISN’T feeling so beautiful….

….The Work is beckoning.

Today, you can join me for an online mini-retreat in doing The Work on anywhere you notice in your life you feel not-so-beautiful, especially around relationships with others.

Don’t feel you must come do The Work on couples, romance, break-ups or love-gone-wrong (although those are all really amazing things to question). Come do The Work if you notice resentment, irritation, fear, loss, or worry about anyone in your life.

Concerns about love show up in many ways.

To join me click here. Come and go as you wish, no requirement to be there 2.5 hours.

Awhile ago, I had the privilege of doing The Work with a young woman who was upset about a man who didn’t love her as much as she loved him.

They had an off-again, on-again relationship.

He would return to town (he didn’t live in the same city), they’d spend 24 hours together making love, eating, sleeping, talking….

….then he’d leave for who knows how long and she’d try to act nonchalant and regroup.

But underneath, she felt abandoned and triggered by his going, and his absences, every time.

Why doesn’t he love me that way? Why doesn’t he want me to be his girlfriend all the time? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I have a relationship like my friend? Why doesn’t anyone, including this guy, want to marry me?

And then on top of all those kinds of thoughts, she’d also think “There’s something wrong with me, I am sooo clingy, I shouldn’t be needy, I’m ridiculous, relationships trap you anyway, I prefer independence, what am I doing here?”

It’s like she’d get stuck in a side-eddy of the river swirling around between “I suck” and “he sucks”.

Deep breath.

This is a good one for inquiry.

This relationship should be different than it is.

Find that one thing you notice you believe should be different. Whether in a long-term relationship and you’re so annoyed because he doesn’t do the dishes, or you’re going through a divorce and you believe you should be together, or you’re wanting more than you get from her in a relationship, or less.

Let’s do The Work.

In this situation, the relationship should be different. It should be that other, better way. Not THIS way.

Is that true?

Yes! This way is painful, boring, irritating, not serving me! It’s TRUE!

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

The woman I was working with said “yes” she could absolutely know it was true she wanted more time, more commitment, more steadiness.

How do you react when you believe the relationship should be different than it is?

Angry. Depressed. Thinking I made a mistake. Yelling at myself that I should get over it. Furious with me. Furious with him. Sad. Begging. Trying everything to get it the way I want it.

So who would you be without your belief that this relationship should be different, that it should change in that situation for you to be happy?

Woah. But.

I can’t be happy with the relationship the way it is! I’d be ignoring my complaints! I couldn’t! I wouldn’t!

Slow down, though.

To not have this thought doesn’t mean you will never have the love you want, or the peace you crave. But in that situation, right when he doesn’t call back, or she forgot to meet you, or he left town again, or she was critical….

….Who would you be if you couldn’t have the belief it should be different, better, another way?

Wow. It drops a whole massive weighted layer of expectation and frees up other possibilities, at least for me. No one person needing to be any different, or do more than they do. No pushing, pulling, arguing with what is.

When I did this work with the young woman suffering from her un-committed relationship, she felt more of an unknown in that moment, without the thought.

She wasn’t very excited about other possibilities, especially other relationships, but she didn’t need to be. She simply noticed her own pretty apartment, her passion for her career, the way she sometimes would completely forget all people and get drawn into a project, the way her friends would come and go and she didn’t have the same feelings when THEY left (good to notice).

For me, I notice when I don’t think someone should be different, here I am taking a walk, doing The Work with people, buying groceries, going to yoga, vacuuming, teaching a class, writing….

….without any thought that something’s missing.

Even clients I work with should be exactly as they are, right in that moment in time.

Turning the thought around: this relationship should NOT be different than it is. It should be exactly like this. How could this be just as true, or truer?

Well, first of all, it’s teaching me about deep attachment, expectations, demands I have inside that someone else should change so that I feel more happy, or comfortable.

I want to be the one to notice, and accept, and change, and move where I’m drawn….without enormous suffering or dreadful sorrow.

Another turnaround: My relationship with myself (in that situation with that other person) should be different. I should be more committed to myself, I should connect with me, I should express my preferences, I should do the things I like to do.

I could do all this by myself, or with this other person! I can ask for what I want, and hear without resentment if the answer is no from the other.

And finally, I should be different with this other person. If I want them to be more committed, could I be more committed, connected and clear with them? If I want them to be less clingy, could I be less clingy, demanding or needy with them? If I want them to quit “x” can I quit doing “x” with my thoughts about them?

This never means you should put up with something, or that you should twist yourself into a pretzel, or withhold information or the truth, or work even harder.

I love that it simply brings freedom if you are not arguing with reality, and wishing for something Other Than What Is.

As I look around the room in that situation I was questioning where that other person was doing it differently than I thought I wanted….

….I notice how much I love that room, the air, the lights, the distant sounds, the colors, the feelings, the quiet stillness, my heart beating.

I know the universe and reality has it handled far better than I could ever handle it. I can trust what’s going on, instead of fight it.

And if there’s a fight….The Work.

“Humility is our natural response to seeing what’s true about ourselves. When we judge others and question that judgment, then turn it around to ourselves, that is the fire and the purification. Our knees buckle, and we learn how sweet it is to lose–how that is the winning. That’s what The Work is about. Some people call it forgiveness. I call it sanity.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy pg. 221.

Much love,

Grace

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Money, Abundance, Desire…Your Soul’s Work

Desire and Abundance...Do The Work, Clear The Way (March 18-20 weekend retreat Seattle)
Desire and Abundance…Do The Work, Clear The Way (March 18-20 weekend retreat Seattle)

The other day I got a quick chat message on skype….

….”Hey, you got time to do The Work for a sec?”

It was from someone I didn’t know or recognize.

Just like when I first started out in my business, I paused a moment to double-check if I missed anything in the short communication.

Nope.

Pretty short and sweet.

My thoughts start wondering, though.

Do they know what doing The Work is?

(It seems like not).

Do they know what “for a sec” means, or looks like?

It sounds super casual and friendly, like something someone might say who wants immediate attention, and probably is not looking to set up a session for hire, which is what I do for a living.

It’s a funny business I’m in, I sometimes muse.

That question for me would be the very same as asking a therapist….

….Hey, have you got a sec for me to run a few psychological issues by you and I can get your opinion….real quick? And I don’t want an actual therapy session or anything.

As always, so I don’t assume, I wrote back and asked….did you want to make an appointment? I gave my normal fee amount ($125), and just between you and me, I am an incredibly flexible person when it comes to payment if you truly need my time and energy and attention and you are honoring and respecting this, but you genuinely don’t have the normal fee.

(I’ve been told, too flexible–lesson learned).

Sure enough, this person wrote back: Oh wow! I didn’t know you charged for facilitating! Nevermind.

This is hilarious!

But the part I love about it is, it wasn’t the first person to ever do this.

Some people appear to think I’m simply open for calls, volunteering my time (which I do on the Helpline for The Work, two hours a month) or that I can call them back to have long conversations about how to do The Work.

This is a truly brilliant situation for me for finding small, slightly stressful or irritable thoughts about money and business and making a living and charging or asking for fees.

It will bring out all your true thoughts about money, and your possible love-hate relationship with it.

Uh, that would be MY love-hate relationship with it.

And this is perfect, right now, because I’m in the middle of running the eight week money course I love to teach (I love to learn)!

  • He shouldn’t assume I work for free or that I’m here only for volunteer service
  • She shouldn’t always show up late and go over time in our sessions and pay her bill late
  • Does he think I have no appointment calendar?
  • What does she think I do all day?
  • They don’t think my time is precious!
  • They don’t respect the huge investment made in training in The Work and human behavior (my master’s degree)
  • REALLY?
Ha ha, I’m laughing already, but let’s take a look.
You might be able to find this, even if you don’t charge money for anything. Maybe you feel this way about what you’re paid at your job and the raise you didn’t get, or what someone offered you once when you sold your car.
I’m not respected! Or there is something seriously OFF about them!
Is this story true?
Yes!
I mean….what are they thinking? How could they assume this?
But can you absolutely know this is true?
No. I really can’t know.
How do you react when you believe they are either insulting you, or they are missing a card in the deck if you know what I mean?
Wow….I start wondering if there’s some kind of vibe I put off that says “will work for anything” like I’m holding a piece of cardboard next to the freeway.
I start thinking I’m too nice….like my 8th grade teacher said. I don’t stick up for myself. I give off “kick me” or “I don’t matter” energy. I’m not good at boundaries. I don’t say “no” well.
I’m a loser. I’m bad with money. This proves it.
I treat that other person like they must be also a loser with money.
They don’t respect an independent professional, or someone running a small business, or the time and commitment of other people (OK, of me).
Oy.
It’s very stressful. It’s embarrassing. I feel childish, on top of it all.
So who would I be without this story of being used, or disrespected, or that someone’s asking too much for too little in exchange?
Who would I be without my story as I read the incoming simple question?
How would I feel? What would I say? What would I do?
I’d do exactly the same thing I already did….
….write a simple email back….
….without all the horrible dark thoughts of angst, self-criticism, attack, upset, disappointment, discouragement, or heavy meaning.
The moment would be soooo efficient, it would be mind-blowingly simple.
Did you want to set up a session? No.
Done.
My niceness, kindness, care, attention doesn’t have to have anything to do with the money exchanging hands.
What’s true is, I charge for my time. I have a business. Apparently, I need to earn money in order to be able to buy food and pay for my house, clothing, transportation.
Seriously, I don’t have other money available for my basic expenses.

In the world of infinite possibilities of what we can do, this is the one I finally have done more than any other profession or job….and I’m not sure “I” went with it, by the way….but it’s the thing I do and I trade this beautiful experience for money.

And yes, I do it for free sometimes, but this would be impossible without careful consideration and blocking aside my volunteer time in a truly caring and respectful way for my own schedule.

I turn the thoughts around….and while I’ve done this work before, I’m realizing something in this moment as I turn them all around to myself. Again.

  • I shouldn’t assume I work for free or that I’m here only for volunteer service (ouch, yes).
  • I shouldn’t always speak up late (about showing up late) and go over time in our sessions (without being clear) and NOT ask why the bill isn’t paid?
  • Do I think I have no appointment calendar?
  • What do I think I do all day?
  • I don’t think my time is precious!
  • I don’t respect the huge investment I’ve made in training in The Work and human behavior (my master’s degree)
  • REALLY?

These are all true.

I act passively, and don’t speak up for what I want and need, and then call myself a loser for caring about money, or not asking for money, or being unclear about money.

I think I’m supposed to be Mother Teresa and never keep a penny for myself, and yet, I’m a human with needs that cost money.

I notice….these people who ask if I’ll help them, for free, are an echo of my past beliefs coming forward to be seen again, and faced.

Yes, I am still clearly uncomfortable talking about money, asking for money, charging money, running a business, hiring an employee, paying taxes, paying bills, sending bills, caring about money.

Wow.

I do care about money.

I want to care about money, not ignore it and treat it like it’s nothing and of no use, or something dirty that I still happen to need, like a toilet.

But who would I be without the thought I have to get this all perfectly cleared up, squared away, that I have to be awesome and happy and charitable at all times, that I have to avoid looking selfish and greedy, that I have to be carefree, content, giving, saintly, generous and say “yes” to anyone who asks and never ask about money?

I’d be respecting money itself….which I haven’t. Not in my own mind. Not in my actions.

I turn the thoughts around again, but this time….to money.

  • I shouldn’t assume money works for free or that it’s here only for service (for me)
  • I shouldn’t always show up late for money (yep, started earning it in my forties) and give it away in our sessions (by going over time) and being so uncaring about it coming late
  • Do I think money has no appointment calendar? It’s just supposed to show up when I ask?
  • What do I think money does all day? Nothing?
  • I don’t think money is precious
  • I don’t respect the money investment I made (especially when I don’t charge reasonable fees, or ask for payment, or respect my accounting)
  • REALLY? (says money to me, do you care at all about me?)

“Why is money trouble? A better question to ask is: What happens to us when we are in its presence?…Money itself provides the occasion for finding this kind of deep ambivalence in the self, and money is one place where the soul’s work must be done.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money and The Soul’s Desires, A Meditation

As I inquire today, I whisper thank you to money today. I bow to it’s power to bring out my own ambivalence about myself, about life, about love, service, right, wrong, reality.

I am here for soul’s work.

Turns out….money is involved.

It has a place in All This.

Just like inquiring about people I feel uncomfortable with….let’s make friends with money, too.

Much love, Grace

Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend Retreat: If you have trouble with money, a relationship, a dream you’ve never achieved….this is the place to allow the disappointment to surface, to be felt, to see your stressful thoughts, to inquire, to find out what’s really true for you. Let’s find freedom. Question your thinking, change….your whole world.

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Can You Await What The Stars May Bring?

stars
you are made of the same substance as the stars

Since I’ve been teaching a course on Desire and The Work, I’ve been reflecting almost daily on the experience of desire, and questioning stressful belief.

The word desire originally comes from Latin meaning “await what the stars will bring”.

Desire, with this joyful definition, feels like a dance in the present moment.

But the word can conjure up a lot of distress and conflict.

Sometimes…..

…..desire leads to anguish.

Shouldn’t I try NOT to desire? Aren’t there BAD things that will hurt if I got them? Or destroy trust, or hurt other people?

I can’t just go stealing my neighbor’s television set, I mean….seriously. That would be WRONG.

Right?

Unrequited love, striving to achieve career success and exhausting yourself in the process, being practically violent to yourself in the gym or on a diet, controlling yourself from lust or cravings, feeling jealous of those who have what you’re sure you want.

What to do?

The thing I’ve found most illuminating is inquiry.

First….ask why you want what you imagine you want.

Not HOW you’re going to get it. Which is what the first question usually is, and the action follows that “how” without taking a breather.

The mind thinks “I want money, I want a good body, I want fame, I want enlightenment, I want to be with him/her, I want love, I want praise, I want this, I want that….” and then takes off trying to figure out how to get it.

Project Get.

What would it be like to be without the belief that you should have it exactly the way you want it?

What if it was fun to watch what you want fade, blaze up, fade again, and make no difference to your life at all?

What is desire….awaiting what the stars may bring….when you feel no stress about it?

What if what is here is not a problem, and neither is where you are going?

I find, every time, freedom to be exactly here (without the *thing* I think I want–like a million dollars–ha ha) is so beautiful, so exciting, so fun….

….the desire morphs into a compassionate peace beyond all belief.

And every time, I’m closer to the thing I wanted in the first place.

Which is love, joy, trust, silence.

Every time.

“Desires that destroy their subjects, or objects, or do not subside on satisfaction are self-contradictory and cannot be fulfilled. Only desires motivated by love, goodwill and compassion are beneficial to both the subject and object and can be fully satisfied…..The entire universe strives to fulfill a desire born of compassion.” ~ Nisargadatta

If you have something you want fulfilled, and you are suffering about it….

….begin to inquire.

Why do you want it? What would you have, if you had it? Are you sure you are unfulfilled without it?

Can you feel joy, ecstasy, mystery, happiness….before you acquire the thing you think you want?

Do it backwards.

Live the turnaround right now.

Enjoy being what you desire.

You can do this.

Much love,
Grace
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The Purpose of Life Is Happiness

happyheartsSo many questions about the Desire virtual class starting Thursday.

You may find answers by clicking right HERE.

In a nutshell, each class you will log-in (and dial-in using your phone or skype) to a webinar and follow along in exercises geared entirely towards:

a) identifying what you’re lacking in important areas of your life

b) noticing what does work in these areas, even if very small

c) burning your stressful beliefs by questioning them

d) naming and claiming your own personal core desired feelings–the living turnarounds–in these same areas you care about the most

I’ve loved doing this work myself and found it sooooo affirming.

Ready to sign up now? [rps-paypal]

I’ve identified what I really thought I wanted, what felt desirable, in many areas of my life.

I’ve wondered openly what I would have, if I attained my greatest desire.

In the end, it’s usually some kind of feeling….safety, happiness, excitement, ease.

What is it you desire? What do you think you’d have, if you got it?

Are you sure you can’t feel this now, in the present….without attaining that great desire, that condition, that person, that object?

We’ll question our stressful stories around moving towards what we think we want. We’ll do this together in the class, I’ll guide you through.

After doing this work (combining the Work of Byron Katie and desire mapping and exploring feelings) I’ve landed….for now….on my own core desired feelings:

Amazon, Luxurious, Mystic, Serenity

Just saying these words feels creative, delicious, and like powerful medicine personal to my path.

As I do The Work of Byron Katie, when I arrive in the turnarounds, the opposites to my stressful thoughts (the last step in The Work) I can call in these feelings, these words, and imagine how I would live if I felt these feelings.

Some examples.

I notice I desire time, insight, being of service, and freedom from dread—instead, joy.

So what do I perceive is NOT working when it comes to time, insight, being of service and freedom from dread?

Well! Glad you asked!

Time: I don’t have enough. 

Insight: I need more time with my teachers and books.

Being of service: I could reach more people.

Freedom from dread: Life seems like more fun without dreading something in the future (ha ha!)

I start with the one on top of the list: I NEED MORE TIME.

I get a good solid sense of a situation in which I believed this to be very true.

Yah, I got it. Yesterday when I had to pick up my kid unexpectedly right in the middle of rush hour traffic, right in the middle of recording my podcast.

I need more time!!

I take this situation through inquiry.

Is it true that I need more time?

Yes Yes Yes.

Absolutely?

Uhm. Well. No.

How do I react when I believe I need more time?

Frustrated, tight, clenched, small.

Who would you be without the belief you need more time?

Wow, in that moment? Hmmmm.

I’d be freely moving from microphone, into car holding keys, wearing my cute slippers, heading out to the school. Break time. Time to talk with my kid. Listening to 3 messages from one of closest friends in the world. Breathing deeply. Relaxed.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need more time. I have ENOUGH time.

Can I find real examples, genuine examples, of how this could be just as true…..or truer?

Well….one of the most important things in my life are my kids and spending time with them, and that’s what I get to do when I pick her up. It doesn’t even have to be long, it only takes 20 minutes door-to-school-to-door.

I also notice I’m not dying today (I know that’s dramatic, but its an example)!

I also have enough time because I am not a special case–I get just the right amount of time for me–not unlike many other humans.

I have enough time to buy groceries, get gas, work out at the gym, read books, write these Grace Notes, work with clients, create classes, facilitate retreats, do interviews, record podcasts, watch Birdman last week (won best picture), work with deeply important spiritual teachers, go out to lunch with a colleague, and meditate.

And that’s only starters.

What if I felt amazon, luxurious, mystic and serenity when it comes to time?

Ha ha! *AWESOME!*

Waaaaaaayyyyy different than powerless, scarce, tiny and frustrated.

Nice turnaround to live, these beautiful feelings I identified for myself.

You can do this too.

You can zone in on the unique feelings you celebrate, honor and love to experience when you turn your stressful thoughts around.

Come find out how on Thursday….join us!

If you can’t because you’re in an alternate time zone, or you’re scheduled, don’t worry.

This means its not right for right now.

You can follow the process I just outlined and find your core desired feelings, and your stressful beliefs about why you can’t get there, and take your beliefs to inquiry using the four questions.

I know you can do it.

“I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.  From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering.  Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this.  From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment.  I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves.  Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” ~ Dalai Lama

Love, Grace

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Miraculous Powers of Thought

The other day I was connecting with people online in a webinar about “desire” and questioning stressful beliefs that arise about everything we desire.

One of the first written exercises during the webinar was to think about areas of life I suggested (there were five) and then notice what you’re grateful for that already exists in these areas.

Someone wrote in the Q & A a great and very honest question:

What if I’m not grateful for anything in this area of my life?

What a powerful question….and so great to admit because often, there’s a voice that shouts “You should be grateful! Look at what you have compared to the poor people in Africa! Just to live in this society you’re in the top 8% in the world for resources, quit complaining!”

If you’re ordering yourself to have grateful thoughts, think positively, tell yourself affirmations, or STOP thinking about the terrible dreaded thing that happened…..

…..you might find yourself failing. Miserably.

And then feeling even worse.

So let’s say you’ve been having an extremely hard time with food and eating (as many of you may know, my story is recovery from bulimia and anorexia and horrible relationship with eating).

Or how about money….that’s another hot topic for pain, difficulty and despair around not having enough.

You’re unhappy with your body or your eating, you’re unhappy with the low level of money you have…..

…..and its a long, long way to gratitude.

So why not go ahead and give the upset voice the floor.

Let it speak.

Perhaps it’s shouting for some good reason, some important reason.

The reality is, that voice appears to be upset….and you can fortunately do The Work when a feeling of upset, dread, scarcity or unhappiness comes over you.

It clears the air, on your way to gratitude (without TRYING to get to gratitude, so don’t even think about getting there until you do).

Where to begin with letting that upset voice speak?

Write down what’s wrong with your situation. Write only one thing. To keep it sharply simple.

I am upset with my financial situation because: I can’t pay my rent.

Now answer….why is THAT upsetting? What does it mean about you that you can’t pay your rent?

I have no support. I’ll have no place to live. I’m a loser. I’m doing something wrong. I’m dependent. I’m missing something other people are not missing. I’m a taker not a giver.

What about food and eating….what’s upsetting about this dynamic?

I am upset with the way I eat because: I’m too preoccupied with food.

Why are you upset about being too preoccupied with food?

I’m too heavy. I hurt myself. I can’t control my feelings. I’m unattractive. I’m wasting my life. I can’t get close to people.

Take a moment to sit with why these things upsetting, let your most painful thinking spill out onto paper.

Write it down.

I’m doing something wrong. I’m missing something other people aren’t missing. I’m too anxious, angry, sad. People dislike me. I’m not strong enough.

These thoughts are your keys to inquiry.

Ask yourself the four questions, or have someone facilitate you.

Only question one belief. Not all of them at once.

Example:

There’s something wrong with me.

Take this thought through self-inquiry. Answer all the questions, no matter what you say for any answer. Keep going!

Here are the questions:

  • Is this thought you’re thinking…..true?
  • Can you absolutely know this thought is true?
  • How do you react, what happens, when you have this thought running through your head?
  • Who would you be in this situation without this belief? Use your imagination…what would it be like for you to not have the thought?
  • What’s the opposite? Could this be just as true, or truer? What’s an example?

Look around the room you’re in. Feel your body. Who are you, just being right in the moment, without thinking “Jesus, you need to fix this, because there really is something wrong.”

This really can clear the air, but it takes a moment in time to look. It takes your creativity. It takes believing your own mind can be used to see in a new way (it can).

It takes the conviction that your thinking is very powerful and your thoughts create your feelings and your experience of reality (it appears they do).

Who would you be without the belief you’re doing something wrong, or missing something here?

When it comes to money, or eating….or finding a mate, or succeeding, or producing, or changing, or doing that thing?

If you feel you’ve made many mistakes, or the situations you’ve been in are insurmountable, or success is too difficult, or freedom appears impossible….

….keep holding still with the idea of who you are without your thought!

Use your imagination!

What if you turned your thoughts around about money, or eating (or whatever else you’ve found difficult)?

There is nothing wrong with me. There is something wrong with my thinking (and maybe not even that). There is something right with me.

See what you can find that’s genuinely true for you.

I found when I did The Work on my money situation I noticed I wasn’t lying in a ditch starving. I was eligible for food stamps but actually didn’t wind up using them (I apparently had enough). I had a roof over my head. I liked the beautiful color of the carpet on the floor in my cottage.

I was sitting still, which was relaxing. I didn’t work 12 hours a day, in fact I hardly worked at all and recognized the freedom in having zero possessions. I had time to read. I had friends, connections, family. My car worked.

My mind was not completely insane–it got frantic with worry, but it wasn’t so crazed I needed to go to the loony bin. I could take a deep breath. I had a great resume. I was willing. I knew a lot about some things. I could be useful, I could vacuum my own house (I had a vacuum, and a house).

I knew other people who had recovered from terrible eating disorders. I didn’t binge 24 hours a day, there were lots of spaces of emptiness, including at night when I slept. I was born with a mind and body just like everyone else. It was humanly possible to overcome adversity and addiction. I had heard many success stories, and I was a human.

I was capable of reading and learning and even when I didn’t or wouldn’t, and I noticed these activities weren’t required for peace. I could just sit here and be someone who wasn’t doing anything. There wasn’t wrongness inherently in me being here. My heart was still beating, my lungs expanding and contracting. My blood pumping.

Who would you be without believing your stressful story?

I notice the more I ask myself this question, and then answer it….

….the more grateful I am.

“Desire can produce a universe; its powers are miraculous. Just as a small matchstick can set a huge forest on fire, so does a desire light the fires of manifestation. The very purpose of creation is the fulfillment of desire…..But just as a sleeping man forgets all and wakes up for another day, or he dies and emerges into another life, so do the worlds of desire and fear dissolve and disappear. Being nothing, I am all. Everything is me, everything is mine.” ~ Nisargadatta

I desire something, I do The Work, I find relief, I find joy in this present moment, right here.

Paradoxically, the joy felt now brings me closer to what I desired in the first place….balance, peace, simplicity.

It may not look the way I expected, or have unfolded the way I wanted on MY personal time line, the focus is freedom in the seeing, without the problem-oriented mind dominating everything.

No expectation for what will happen tomorrow, but I know if I begin to suffer, I have The Work to do….

….and take myself back to freedom of feeling clear, of feeling good.

This coming Thursday begins a 6 week journey in exploring Desire, discovering what’s really true and what our feelings are, and investigating deeply the powerful thoughts that come between us and what we need in order to be truly happy.

We’ll have a webinar every week, with slides to watch….the opportunity to journal, ask questions, identify what you don’t like, return to your feeling of allowing what is (even loving what is without forcing it).

You’ll get to look at five important life areas: livelihood, relationships, body/health, learning, and spirituality.

You’ll get to see what it is you really want….

….not focusing so much on the details, but instead the feelings of your true nature in every area.

(It looks like joy or peace or both).

Even if joining the class isn’t your thing then watching where you enter a war with reality, with what’s happened in your life, is the best place to start.

Question your thinking, change your world.

Love, Grace

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Your Heart’s Desire

myheartsdesireDesire and The Work of Byron Katie Webinar for everyone 10-11:30 am Thursday March 26, 2015.

We will begin a journey into what Desire is, and can be for us when its joyful, clear, and thrilling. Anyone is welcome to join for no charge.

DESIRE! Hooray!!

Put this information in your calendar if you’d like to attend. It WILL be recorded, so if you can’t make it, don’t worry–you’ll be able to listen in later and I’ll leave the recording up for several days.

To attend by phone (limited to 25) please dial 425-440-5100 and enter pin code 305799#.

To join via skype call “join.conference” from your keypad then open the keypad again and enter the guest pin code 305799#.

To listen in and send your responses or question via the web, click on the link below for the Event Page. You can do this if the phone line is full!

Click HERE to connect via the web on 3/26:  Join The Desire & The Work of Byron Katie Presentation

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The really interesting thing about desire is all the ways it gets twisted up in our hearts and minds with fear, panic, loss and emptiness.

I’ll explain.

So if I’m sitting on my couch and have a desire to make good money doing what I love in the world….

….but a split second later I think about my low bank account, and how my car is damaged and needs repair, and how the house I live in has a broken refrigerator….

….my mind is running fast and bouncing around like a ping-pong ball from desiring money to considering what I need the money for (desperately).

I hardly let myself have a moment of peaceful enjoyment, the imagined joy of what could be possible, before I kicked myself in the shin with what a failure and how overwhelming this is.

Sad, disappointed.

The thoughts are stressful: you’re a loser, you don’t know how, you should have gotten a better education, you should have made different choices, you need more energy anyway, it’s almost too late.

Boy howdy!

How do you react when you believe these kinds of thoughts?

I want to go to bed, drink alcohol, watch TV, escape, sigh, surf the net. I might snap at the people around me. I stay home. I don’t try anything new.

Who would you be if you slowed way, way down and imagined yourself without the beliefs the you’re a loser, you’ve failed, you should have done it differently?

Without the belief that you know what’s better, that you know what’s right?

Without the belief that your dream or desire for more is wrong, or wasted, or bad?

This is a hard thing to imagine sometimes, but try.

Who would you BE in this moment without the belief that there’s no use, you’re a failure, and your dreams are too big?

Hmmm.

None of those thoughts?

Woah.

Something in me would stir.

I might even get excited, and have a spark of energy. I’d feel more trusting, I’d relax even while I’m picturing a future vision.

If you turn around the idea that Desire is dangerous, impossible, not for you, or disappointing….

….what do you notice you desire?

Fortune, influence, romance, love, connection, security, enlightenment?

How could your desire be present right now?

If you lived this, and followed the breadcrumbs of your desire through the woods….

….how would you behave? What would you say? What would you do?

What if there was no need to grab? What if you celebrated your desire, sincerely, and shared it with everyone?

“Your aims are small and low. They do not call for more. Only God’s energy is infinite–because He wants nothing for Himself. Be like Him and all your desires will be fulfilled. The higher your aims and vaster your desires, the more energy you will have for their fulfillment. Desire the good of all and the universe will work with you.” ~ Nisargadatta 

You are part of this wonderful universe, so don’t eliminate yourself, but let yourself be cared for and nurtured and loved. Reach out.

Question your stressful thoughts about why you can’t get what you want, or your confusion about your worth.

What disturbs you about your desires? What do you long for?

Write me back by hitting reply to this email and let me know–I may cover it in next week’s webinar on Desire.

“Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.” ~ Rumi

Love, Grace

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Eating Peace: What Do You Really Really Want? (If You’re Not Hungry)

Although there may be many complex feelings, memories and emotions occurring in the moment you want to eat (when you aren’t hungry) or starve yourself (when you ARE hungry but you’re afraid of eating)…..

…..one area of imbalance is letting yourself know what you REALLY, REALLY want!

If it’s not food, what do you do now?

What is this life, anyway?

How are you moved to operate?

The key, I have found, is tapping into what you want….whether its love, success, connection, honesty, intimate contact with others, creativity, relaxation, rest, sleep, fun, humor, abundance, safety, satisfaction.

What do you need, really, if it isn’t food?

What if you could move towards that….wouldn’t this feel more exciting, more fun and more joyful?

You’d know you were on your way.

Watch today’s Eating Peace video and let me know what you discover:

Lots of peace,

Grace