The good news about money wrestling matches in relationships (+ summer camp)

Summer Camp For The Mind, an immersion in The Work via telesessions Monday through Friday, begins July 5th or July 6th (depending on the day and time that works best for you). We kick off on July 5th or July 6th with a 3-hour blitz Intro to Summer Camp.

During these two long intro sessions, everyone will hear about how to join our private slack forum, everyone receives guidance to fill out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and we’ll begin to question stressful thoughts. These first two longer sessions are recorded so people who miss these Intros can catch up.

Summer Camp is offered by donation (see suggested range when you visit the summer camp page). To read about it and sign up by July 3rd, visit HERE. All details with how to attend the calls will be sent out by midnight July 3rd Pacific Time.

Meanwhile, last week I was contemplating the incredible journey on money, and how for me personally it all got extra weird and difficult and the MOST hard when a significant relationship came to an end.

We all know the pain and suffering involved in relationships when they undergo big changes.

People often feel unlovable, like something failed in the relationship, if it goes other than the way we prefer.

And recently through the beautiful work of several different inquirers I had the privilege of sitting with, I remembered how surprisingly strong stress is about MONEY in the middle of a relationship.

Or at the end of one.

Or, OK, at the beginning of one too.

Dating, going on trips, sharing expenses, paying the bills in the home (who’s doing it, who’s home is it), purchases, needs, bank accounts getting split, people dividing everything and going their separate ways, people freaking out if they think they won’t have enough money in the future.

Money touches us everywhere. It’s a part of relationship, it seems.

We trade it for things we desire, need, support, use.

And any moment there’s something uncomfortable with money going on….so good for inquiry.

Today, I focus on the troubles that can appear where the relationship is changing. Called break-up. Ending. Completion.

Divorce.

And the money. Wanting half the possessions or the equivalent. Breaking things into even piles.

Some people are so frightened of these images about money being scarce because of the changes in a relationship, they see themselves living on the street in the future pushing a shopping cart. The fear is so massive, they’ll choose to NOT leave a relationship, because the picture in the mind of no money is worse than the discomfort of the current relationship.

Which means….money is actually more important than the relationship itself, if you get into that fearful state. If it weren’t for the money, you’d might not like what’s going on, but you’d feel far more at ease.

It’s like “What’s happening in the relationship breaks my heart, but I can get through that, as long as I know I’ll have enough money.”

I saw this in myself. Almost divorced. Stayed with kids and worked part time at home for over a decade. No real career. No personal savings. No health insurance.

I remember sitting on my old brown leather couch from the 1960s that used to have a matching partner in the elegant living room of my childhood, wondering how it got to this, that my life was so dramatically downsized from anything I had once known.

From a huge grand and exquisite house built in 1924 in Seattle where I grew up. And now, sitting in a tiny cottage built in 1940 for vacations in the far north end of the city.

I felt so sorry for myself.

A voice kept coming in; “You have nothing. Nothing. Look at you. You should have planned. You should have gone to medical school like you briefly imagined. You’re pathetic.”

Over the following few years, I would walk in my neighborhood and almost cry sometimes looking at the massive homes on Lake Washington only 200 yards from where I lived, all lined up with docks, boats, manicured yards, and windows looking at Mount Rainier.

“I don’t have that. I have NOTHING.”

Let’s take a look.

You can do this if you believe you will have nothing LATER, even if you don’t have nothing yet. Those pictures of you having nothing in the future are so stressful, right?

Those pictures are so threatening, we react to them and feel frightened NOW, even though we actually do have enough to eat, water to drink, we have a roof, we even have a car or a bicycle, clothing, a flushing toilet, a toaster, table and chairs.

But anyway. Who cares about all that.

“I have nothing” by comparison to those other people, or that other person.

Is it true?

Now, I know the word “nothing” is dramatic. We can see we have something. Maybe even quite a lot. But this BY COMPARISON thing.

Ahhhh, there’s the rub.

So much less, that’s what I have. Sooooooo much less.

Is this absolutely true?

Yes.

How do you react when you believe this is true that you have so much less money than “x” or “y” (picture those happy people, or your former mate doing fabulous things, or your neighbors laughing on their boat)?

My mind jumps around at who to blame. Him. Her. Family. Them. The government. Their business. That country. The law. This neighborhood. My ancestors.

Furious. Replaying what she did, what he did. Seeing me with LESS. Grrrrrrr.

Maybe you react with fighting words, anger, resentment. Harsh words. Or maybe you go the other way into apathy, despair, sinking non-action, curling up in a tight ball with shame or self-pity.

Flashing pictures of this rough future you’re going to have. Flashing pictures of not having enough in the past and how this will be repeated. Flashing pictures of scenes from movies, or friends you knew, who lost money.

A feeling of unworthiness about yourself. (Notice the word, also used when something can’t be traded for money).

So who would you be without the belief they have so much more than you, or you have nothing?

What if you really just couldn’t do the comparing for a moment? No reference for looking at two things and deciding you come out below the other, or with less.

Who would you really be, without believing in the danger of No Money? What if money didn’t mean survival, security, or peace?

Because, I notice it doesn’t guarantee any of those things. At all.

Without the belief, way back when I had almost no money sitting in my little cottage, I caught a glimpse of a quiet pulsing silence. It was just a moment in time, during a long life. That moment of little money was the same as any moment if there had been a lot of money. A couch, me sitting still, no hunger, no thirst, able to lie down wherever I was and rest if I needed to.

Noticing that to call the place I lived “mine” was not even true. Everything temporary. Everything changing. The fanciness of the furniture might be greater where I sit one day, or the rug on the floor….but this is the same body, living on planet earth. The environment constantly changes. Mind comes along for the ride, commenting on everything it sees.

Without the thought of comparison, I’m present with what’s happening right now. Noticing I’m fine.

Money is doing what it does. It comes, it goes. It moves in and out of my wallet. It’s busy living it’s life. And I’m here, completely and totally 100% fine. There is no threat, except in the pictures in my thinking. There is no threat, except my vision of what I think it means when something in the environment is “worth” a lot, or I can trade this pile of green paper for something else I think is important.

None of it really is, in the long run.

Turning the thought around: I have more than they do. I have everything I need. I have enough–just the right amount, in fact, for supporting my own evolution. In my thinking, I have less than them. But only in my thinking.

How is this just as true, or truer?

Oh, it’s soooo much truer for me.

Examples: I love noticing how kind and sharing the human race is. I received furniture from the friend of a friend who was giving everything away. Beautiful little unique pieces of furniture, for my little cottage. I didn’t have so much space to clean. Vacuuming took 15 minutes. I could talk with my daughter as we both lay on our beds in our own rooms (small little hallway dividing us). I had a fridge full of delicious food all kept cold (unlike people 100 years ago).

I had incredible appreciation (notice the fine word, again also used in the financial world) for everything around me. For life, for silence. For Not Needing lots of stuff.

I could read for entertainment, instead of thinking I needed to go to Paris. I watched movies from the library. I wondered about the mind and my thinking–which was (and still is) the ultimate most fascinating thing of all, and the thing I was most wanting to relax.

My greatest desire, actually, was peace. Which is probably everyone’s greatest desire. If you asked me to trade all the money I ever had for peace, or keep all the money I ever had and leave peace out of it….I’d take peace.

I’m no dummy.

I want a free mind, a mind at ease. I wanted a mind ready to be in the presence of anything that showed up in this physical world. Including a moment of noticing someone else’s material wealth or my lack of it.

I wanted to notice the wealth I had of life, what was possible, not what was impossible.

I wanted to notice the thing that’s all-and-forever lasting, the thing that’s been with me every step of the way throughout my life, no matter how much money or success I’ve had (according to society).

THAT thing is priceless, shining like a diamond. The greatest treasure I could ever have.

I sit in the streets with the homeless.

My clothes stained with the wine 

From the vineyards the saints tend.

Light has painted all acts the same color.

So I sit around and laugh all day with my friends.

At night if I feel a divine loneliness

I tear the doors off Love’s mansion

And wrestle God onto the floor.

He becomes so pleased with Hafiz and says

‘Our hearts should do this more.’

Hafiz

My terror about money offered me the wrestling match or two or three of a lifetime.

Turns out, my heart met the heart of reality, in the middle of every match….and I realized everything was painted the same color.

It didn’t matter how much, what was more, what was lost, what was found, what was less when it came to money and possessions and safety.

Safety was somewhere other than money. I keep remembering this over and over again whenever I do The Work on money.

Every time I do The Work on money, life says “our hearts should do this more often!”

Thank you money for being such a “problem”. Ha ha!

It was actually only a thought about money that was the problem. Not money itself.

Just to make sure….just a moment ago while writing here, I checked in on money, support, security, wealth, richness, and success by asking “Is everything OK right now? Do I have enough money? Is there abundance all around, everywhere I see?”

Yep. Still true.

Much love,

Grace

Money, Abundance, Desire…Your Soul’s Work

Desire and Abundance...Do The Work, Clear The Way (March 18-20 weekend retreat Seattle)
Desire and Abundance…Do The Work, Clear The Way (March 18-20 weekend retreat Seattle)

The other day I got a quick chat message on skype….

….”Hey, you got time to do The Work for a sec?”

It was from someone I didn’t know or recognize.

Just like when I first started out in my business, I paused a moment to double-check if I missed anything in the short communication.

Nope.

Pretty short and sweet.

My thoughts start wondering, though.

Do they know what doing The Work is?

(It seems like not).

Do they know what “for a sec” means, or looks like?

It sounds super casual and friendly, like something someone might say who wants immediate attention, and probably is not looking to set up a session for hire, which is what I do for a living.

It’s a funny business I’m in, I sometimes muse.

That question for me would be the very same as asking a therapist….

….Hey, have you got a sec for me to run a few psychological issues by you and I can get your opinion….real quick? And I don’t want an actual therapy session or anything.

As always, so I don’t assume, I wrote back and asked….did you want to make an appointment? I gave my normal fee amount ($125), and just between you and me, I am an incredibly flexible person when it comes to payment if you truly need my time and energy and attention and you are honoring and respecting this, but you genuinely don’t have the normal fee.

(I’ve been told, too flexible–lesson learned).

Sure enough, this person wrote back: Oh wow! I didn’t know you charged for facilitating! Nevermind.

This is hilarious!

But the part I love about it is, it wasn’t the first person to ever do this.

Some people appear to think I’m simply open for calls, volunteering my time (which I do on the Helpline for The Work, two hours a month) or that I can call them back to have long conversations about how to do The Work.

This is a truly brilliant situation for me for finding small, slightly stressful or irritable thoughts about money and business and making a living and charging or asking for fees.

It will bring out all your true thoughts about money, and your possible love-hate relationship with it.

Uh, that would be MY love-hate relationship with it.

And this is perfect, right now, because I’m in the middle of running the eight week money course I love to teach (I love to learn)!

  • He shouldn’t assume I work for free or that I’m here only for volunteer service
  • She shouldn’t always show up late and go over time in our sessions and pay her bill late
  • Does he think I have no appointment calendar?
  • What does she think I do all day?
  • They don’t think my time is precious!
  • They don’t respect the huge investment made in training in The Work and human behavior (my master’s degree)
  • REALLY?
Ha ha, I’m laughing already, but let’s take a look.
You might be able to find this, even if you don’t charge money for anything. Maybe you feel this way about what you’re paid at your job and the raise you didn’t get, or what someone offered you once when you sold your car.
I’m not respected! Or there is something seriously OFF about them!
Is this story true?
Yes!
I mean….what are they thinking? How could they assume this?
But can you absolutely know this is true?
No. I really can’t know.
How do you react when you believe they are either insulting you, or they are missing a card in the deck if you know what I mean?
Wow….I start wondering if there’s some kind of vibe I put off that says “will work for anything” like I’m holding a piece of cardboard next to the freeway.
I start thinking I’m too nice….like my 8th grade teacher said. I don’t stick up for myself. I give off “kick me” or “I don’t matter” energy. I’m not good at boundaries. I don’t say “no” well.
I’m a loser. I’m bad with money. This proves it.
I treat that other person like they must be also a loser with money.
They don’t respect an independent professional, or someone running a small business, or the time and commitment of other people (OK, of me).
Oy.
It’s very stressful. It’s embarrassing. I feel childish, on top of it all.
So who would I be without this story of being used, or disrespected, or that someone’s asking too much for too little in exchange?
Who would I be without my story as I read the incoming simple question?
How would I feel? What would I say? What would I do?
I’d do exactly the same thing I already did….
….write a simple email back….
….without all the horrible dark thoughts of angst, self-criticism, attack, upset, disappointment, discouragement, or heavy meaning.
The moment would be soooo efficient, it would be mind-blowingly simple.
Did you want to set up a session? No.
Done.
My niceness, kindness, care, attention doesn’t have to have anything to do with the money exchanging hands.
What’s true is, I charge for my time. I have a business. Apparently, I need to earn money in order to be able to buy food and pay for my house, clothing, transportation.
Seriously, I don’t have other money available for my basic expenses.

In the world of infinite possibilities of what we can do, this is the one I finally have done more than any other profession or job….and I’m not sure “I” went with it, by the way….but it’s the thing I do and I trade this beautiful experience for money.

And yes, I do it for free sometimes, but this would be impossible without careful consideration and blocking aside my volunteer time in a truly caring and respectful way for my own schedule.

I turn the thoughts around….and while I’ve done this work before, I’m realizing something in this moment as I turn them all around to myself. Again.

  • I shouldn’t assume I work for free or that I’m here only for volunteer service (ouch, yes).
  • I shouldn’t always speak up late (about showing up late) and go over time in our sessions (without being clear) and NOT ask why the bill isn’t paid?
  • Do I think I have no appointment calendar?
  • What do I think I do all day?
  • I don’t think my time is precious!
  • I don’t respect the huge investment I’ve made in training in The Work and human behavior (my master’s degree)
  • REALLY?

These are all true.

I act passively, and don’t speak up for what I want and need, and then call myself a loser for caring about money, or not asking for money, or being unclear about money.

I think I’m supposed to be Mother Teresa and never keep a penny for myself, and yet, I’m a human with needs that cost money.

I notice….these people who ask if I’ll help them, for free, are an echo of my past beliefs coming forward to be seen again, and faced.

Yes, I am still clearly uncomfortable talking about money, asking for money, charging money, running a business, hiring an employee, paying taxes, paying bills, sending bills, caring about money.

Wow.

I do care about money.

I want to care about money, not ignore it and treat it like it’s nothing and of no use, or something dirty that I still happen to need, like a toilet.

But who would I be without the thought I have to get this all perfectly cleared up, squared away, that I have to be awesome and happy and charitable at all times, that I have to avoid looking selfish and greedy, that I have to be carefree, content, giving, saintly, generous and say “yes” to anyone who asks and never ask about money?

I’d be respecting money itself….which I haven’t. Not in my own mind. Not in my actions.

I turn the thoughts around again, but this time….to money.

  • I shouldn’t assume money works for free or that it’s here only for service (for me)
  • I shouldn’t always show up late for money (yep, started earning it in my forties) and give it away in our sessions (by going over time) and being so uncaring about it coming late
  • Do I think money has no appointment calendar? It’s just supposed to show up when I ask?
  • What do I think money does all day? Nothing?
  • I don’t think money is precious
  • I don’t respect the money investment I made (especially when I don’t charge reasonable fees, or ask for payment, or respect my accounting)
  • REALLY? (says money to me, do you care at all about me?)

“Why is money trouble? A better question to ask is: What happens to us when we are in its presence?…Money itself provides the occasion for finding this kind of deep ambivalence in the self, and money is one place where the soul’s work must be done.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money and The Soul’s Desires, A Meditation

As I inquire today, I whisper thank you to money today. I bow to it’s power to bring out my own ambivalence about myself, about life, about love, service, right, wrong, reality.

I am here for soul’s work.

Turns out….money is involved.

It has a place in All This.

Just like inquiring about people I feel uncomfortable with….let’s make friends with money, too.

Much love, Grace

Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend Retreat: If you have trouble with money, a relationship, a dream you’ve never achieved….this is the place to allow the disappointment to surface, to be felt, to see your stressful thoughts, to inquire, to find out what’s really true for you. Let’s find freedom. Question your thinking, change….your whole world.

If Money Breaks Your Heart

money1
are your beliefs about money–other peoples’ or your own–weighing you down?

Just after the new year, I’ll begin offering time to do The Work on one of my favorite topics ever….

….Money.

Because it is rare that any of us, no matter what the quantity of money is in our lives, has NOT had a stressful thought about money.

We’ll embark on the latest newest version of an 8 week journey into investigating stressful thoughts when it comes to money. January 14-March 3, 2016 Thursdays 2-3:30 pm Pacific Time. $395 usual telesession fee, but for this class, you pick what you can pay.

Because, it’s about….money.

And deep inside, thoughts and beliefs about money are really about feeling safe, feeling supported, feeling like you’re not enough, feeling controlled, feeling guilty, feeling urgency, feeling scared, feeling worthy, feeling comfortable with surrender.

Register HERE. Let’s investigate money together and feel the joy possible when you question your stressful thinking, no matter how much money you have!

*******

Wanting anything, loving anything, thinking you need anything, can sometimes be very stressful.

Have you noticed?

If you think you want it, but you can’t have it….Uh oh.

Money, or a lover, fame, success, the big house you saw in that neighborhood, recognition, health….rest, peace.

The mind can take even a lovely, rather holy kind of idea…..

…..like achieving enlightenment…..

…..and make a project out of it, so it’s no longer joyful, genuine, or accessible.

You may believe what you want is good and sacred, or you may believe what you want is gross and wrong.

Either way, there can be deep stress in the wanting.

When something is desired that does NOT seem noble, or moral, or “good”….

….we often think we need to get rid of that desire.

Like, NOW.

Money often fits into this category, at least it did for me.

I wanted it, but at the same time I viewed it as a pain-in-the-ass, and like giving it away or not caring about it was more cool than keeping it.

I also looked at other people, the ones who wanted lots of money or made lots of money, and thought they were sometimes jerks.

Other desires I hate to admit are “bad” too.

If you are super attracted to Someone Else, and you are also married (the person to whom you are attracted is not your mate), Uh Oh.

If you are super attracted to fame and recognition and you secretly don’t care who you step on or step over as you climb the ladder up, Uh Oh.

If you are super attracted to money and you don’t stop to think about why but just push ahead for gaining more of it OR you dismiss your desire as BAD, Uh Oh.

All I know is, every time I tried to resist wanting something, without investigating all the interesting voices that wanted it, Uh Oh.

What I mean by Uh Oh is:

I’m in a dilemma, I’m torn between two things, I’m going to hurt someone or something no matter what I do, there’s no easy way, a battle must be fought, I have to strive, I have to force myself to stay on track or do the “right” thing, I am surrounded with unease or distrust.

What to do?

You know what I’m gonna say.

Do The Work!

But where should you begin?

Because there may be some very helpful ways to access what is really true for you, and feel more free.

First step….notice where you’ve felt irritated, or a slight hesitation, or worried about anything having to do with what you desire.

Let’s say you want more money (but you can do this with lovers, achievements, goals, what-you-wish-for).

Take a moment right now, take out a pen and paper, and consider Money.

When have you felt upset, even slightly, when it comes to hearing about money, being with money, going without money, focused on money in any way?

Immediately even right now, as I think about this, I see a few visions arise where my feeling was irritation, or anxiety, or confusion….

….and MONEY (that dastardly thing) was involved:

  • a client who doesn’t pay their invoice on time, repeatedly
  • a friend saying to me “everyone’s mindset towards money is pretty much the same from birth to death” (are you saying I’m trapped where I am? Eeek!)
  • another acquaintance saying to me “you’re going to have to do some serious work on money internally if you want to become wealthy” (why did you just say that, do I look poor?)
  • a very close friend sharing about her stock investments, but she still complains about needing to work hard (you have no idea how good you have it you whiner)
  • a good friend commenting on how her husband makes $350K per year and that’s why she doesn’t work (I wish I had someone supporting ME with that kind of income, you lucky beoch)
  • rage at my own tax bill, when I finally started to make a profit (the government is so greedy, selfish, and piggish)
  • fear because my husband, the man I picked to marry, was from a family who took a vow of poverty (what was I thinking, I will never get any bling, or surprise vacations to Hawaii)
  • hearing about people who are upset with spiritual teachers for charging so much money (only the privileged can get access to freedom I guess)

Ooooh, just watching the different scenes flow through my head, in pictures and visions, makes me MAD!!!!

I HATE money!

Ha ha.

Just kidding.

This is the key, in fact, to your own freedom when it comes to money, or anything.

Noticing where you feel intensity of feelings.

It has been for me.

Anger, jealousy, sadness, despair, fury, envy, irritation, pushiness, worry, anxiety, comparison.

Where any of these feelings arise, and the scenes that cause them to arise….

….is gold.

Write down these situations, these scenes you see in your mind.

What are your difficult moments, where money was involved, and you didn’t like what was going on, or you felt upset in any way?

Don’t edit yourself, or override your feelings with the thoughts “I shouldn’t think about this” because suppressing what you think is definitely not going to work.

The memories or scenes or situations or moments or conversations that come to mind, as you make a list of what has been upsetting when it comes to money…..

…..will be the situations that offer and teach you, personally, how to discover freedom with money.

When you identify what bothers you, THEN you can find true freedom, no matter what money is doing or where it is or who has it or doesn’t have it.

It all starts with you and your own personal experience of money.

What you were taught.

What you believe (repeatedly think).

Because only then, when you’ve got what you think is the “proof” that money is a problem….

….can you imagine what it would be like to not have that thought in the very same situation.

That’s when I’ve noticed, for me, the magic happens.

Can’t wait to continue the fun this January with Money: I Love This Story for 8 weeks.

It’s gonna be awesome.

“Spiritually inclined people and seekers of all kinds must contend well with other peoples’ money and with other peoples’ poverty. They must, more importantly, befriend their own uneasiness about their own money, or lack of it….Your breaking heart makes room for your soul’s work to be done.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money And The Soul’s Desires

For everyone who enrolls in the telecourse in January, the 3 day Money Love retreat March 25-27, 2016 in Seattle is only $147 (materials and costs only). And you can donate more if you choose.

Much love, Grace

P.S. 12/12 afternoon mini retreat 1:30-5:30 a few spots available. Sign up HERE to join me in doing The Work from start to finish.

Feeling Juicy, Delicious Abundance–Oh Yes You Can!

The steps to wealth

The other day I was strolling through shops on a street in a gorgeous part of my town, a dear friend visiting who wanted to see the city.

As we entered a quiet boutique, my eyes glazed over.

I nonchalantly picked up a sweater and immediately turned the glossy, elegant black paper tag so I could see the price.

$853.

I’ve had this same reaction before.

Who shops here? Is this real?

Why?

Then the wheels start cranking on what kind of person would actually purchase this or be interested or blah blah, Hollywood influence, luxury, boring, waste….

….all my judgments streaming by at 260 kilometers per hour.

Sigh.

Money.

What it means. What it is. What it’s doing. Who’s doing what with it….

….my favorite! 

How much would I have to have, to feel comfortable paying almost a grand for a sweater?

No idea at this point. Maybe there is no amount, I just wouldn’t be interested, ever.

At least I caught myself. In fact there was some part of me just chuckling from the sidelines, noticing I love that sad, less-than not-enough money story.

I should have more, they should have helped, I didn’t do, they did, I need, they don’t, they’re lucky, I’m not, I want, I need, compare, distract, hopeless, sinking, anxious, frustrated, I will never.

Never.

A very sad story.

This “never enough” story comes along in many other arenas for people besides money.

My relationship, my possessions, my safety, my body, love.

Who would you be without that Never Enough story?

No story at all of the past, where something uncomfortable happened (whether five minutes ago or forty years ago) AND no story of the future, where something better will happen (whether in five minutes or in ten years)?

I’d be right here.

Now.

Only now. No other place.

Noticing the memory of a soft, gorgeous sweater with numbers written on a tag on it because someone made that up, just like all numbers and money.

I would notice I have so much, it’s crazy.

Abundance, silent energy, pulsing life, ecstasy, energy, images in my head, excited because I love money and I love this moment. I feel like money is juicy and delicious and like I could eat it.

Laughing at how hilarious my mind is to think of this.

Without the belief that I don’t have enough, need more, long for that time later when price tags won’t matter….

….there would be no incessant measuring of anything.

Oh such delight at even imagining no stressful story about money in this moment! No hunger for money! No hunger at all!

You can do this with anything.

Start to imagine.

Forget your sad story.

Even forgetting just a tiny bit…may send you skipping down the street.

Or you could just think of skipping, you don’t even have to actually do it.

“Without opening you door, you can open your heart to the world. Without looking out your window, you can see the essence of the Tao. The more you know, the less you understand. The Master arrives without looking, achieve without doing a thing.” ~ Tao Te Ching #47

Ka-Boom. Right now, without doing a thing, I feel infinitely abundant. Unlimited. Generous!

You can too, right now.

Feel it?

Much love, Grace

I Wish I Didn’t Want More Money

I want more money.

This belief is not only pervasive, but often, it’s also embarrassing!

It’s like, I want more money but I hate to admit it. I shouldn’t want more money, I hate wanting more money, I’m comfortable without money, I don’t even like the fact that it appears that I need it. Ever. 

If you’ve seen that you don’t NEED more money, you are OK with very small amounts of money, you actually aren’t even interested in buying stuff or upgrading things like your furniture…..

…..it can be tricky to access the inner beliefs about this thing called money and what’s really bothering you.

It’s a little bit like a love/hate relationship, only not that dramatic. Annoying instead. Off. Not exactly loving, kind, trusting and totally relaxed. 

One of my favorite insights came when I began to take Rumi’s advice to heart and in my imagination, gave Money a persona. 

You can do this right now, as you read, if you notice there’s any little discord around money and how you experience it in your mind and heart (and body). 

If Money knocked on your door right now….what would he or she look like? What would the mood of this entity be? How would he or she regard YOU?

Six years ago is when I realized that  if Money knocked on my door, and I opened it….

….what I would see was a homeless addict dressed in rags, holding a cigarette in one hand, eyes flicking around like he’s scared of being followed and doesn’t give a rats ass about whether or not I know him. 

Yikes. 

Fortunately, I invited him within, and looked very deeply and carefully about why he looked like that, and what I imagined was terrible or dangerous about having Money come inside for tea. 

….The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in….Jalaluddin Rumi, from The Guest House

But your image of Money may be less severe. It can change, as circumstances change.

If you can picture your relationship with Money (I do this exercise with people around their relationship with Food as well) what would it appear to look like?

Now ask yourself if you want more of this Money in your life? 

Why or why not? What would it give you that feels positive? What would it give you that’s not so positive?

Is this Money a guest you would rather not entertain?

Is it true that you want MORE money?

No. Not if it means needing it, having to pay attention to it, having to ask people for it, charging for services, trading it for food and shelter. 

Squirm squirm. Can we talk about something else?

How do you react when you believe this thought that Money is a troubling thing, and you’d rather not get involved?

Sad. Frustrated. Uncertain. 

Admonishing myself for not figuring it out sooner. Chiding those Other People With Money for being greedy, selfish, lucky, focused, realistic, immature, materialistic, non-spiritual. 

With the thought and the uncomfortable feelings that follow, I’m stuck.

So, who would you be without the belief that it’s tough to want money, or that you wish you didn’t need it, or that there’s something wrong with you? Without the belief in clutching, resistance, feeling “against” the whole situation?

“So if you have no money, you can apply your mind and say, ‘What action can I take?’ And then become still. Don’t apply your mind without the stillness because, if you start applying your mind without the stillness, you might very soon lose yourself in the mind and that turns into worry. Worry means the mind is controlling you. Worry is always pointless. A solution never comes out of worry.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Without the belief that Money is an uncomfortable guest, a problematic person, you may find a spark of joy and excitement about attraction to it. 

Or, if that’s going a bit far a bit too fast, like getting married after three dates….you may feel compassion for your humanness, for wanting more of this thing called Money….

….for having a body that apparently needs a roof, clothing, food.

….for having a mind that enjoys books, adventures, education.

I turn the thoughts around: I want more money, and it’s OK, it’s natural, it’s part of my spiritual life.

Perhaps I want more “thinking” clearly about money. I want more knowledge, maturity, peace, trust, security about myself.

Could it be that I want more connection to others, more exchange with others, contact, vulnerability, beauty, sharing….and perhaps this need/want for Money has to do with making peace about all this?

If you’re wanting to begin an interesting journey around how you truly feel about Money in your life, no matter how much you have (or don’t have) and you’d like to join a group to do it….

….next week on Wednesday 5:15-6:45 pm PT we begin the 8 week journey into examining the thinking with a live teleclass, limited to 10 people, using The Work to question the beliefs that aren’t so peaceful when it comes to Money.

Click here to register: Investigating Money. Or write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions. 

Much love, Grace

Money, Selling, and Getting Ripped Off

I am doing a telesession on Money. I’ve been thinking about money a lot and assessing my own relationship with money, especially since I’m teaching my 8 week teleclass starting Tuesday mornings next week.

You can join the session on Sunday, Dec. 1st 8:30 am even if you have no interest in ever taking the teleclass on money…this is a chance to gather together as a group and move through some of the exercises I’ve built in order to understand, relieve confusion, and experience greater peace with money.

Your comments and experience will help refine the inquiry process. Plus if you ARE interested in signing up for the class, you’ll get a taste for it and see if you like it.

And I won’t sell sell sell (ha ha).

Now, the irony of saying this doesn’t escape me. On a call about money.

I’ve noticed the great discomfort, resistance, irritation and fear around “selling” or promoting, marketing, announcing one’s wares or services.

Selling appears to be defined as trying to convince, persuade, get someone to buy something. I looked up the origin of the word and it comes in part from a Norse word to “give up”.

A suspicion arises…someone “trying” to sell me something means that person is going to only tell me the good stuff, not the bad stuff. They’re going to leave things out, be dishonest, have a personal agenda to “get” from me.

I remember many years ago going into a place that opened in my neighborhood that taught physical fitness, yoga and well-being. The business model was that a person became a member and signed a contract.

I went through the schpeel. I wanted the fitness and yoga classes. It was very convenient to my house.

There was a manager sort of person, with notebooks and financial amounts written on papers that were then crossed off, and a final amount for lifetime membership and lists of all the benefits I would have by being involved.

The thing is, I had already decided when I went in that I wanted to join….then there was all this extra rigamarole and I took home a contract. When reading the fine print, and what was expected, I realize it all just seemed too weird and permanent. Something fishy.

I drove back up the next day, and I’m the one that had to do a lot of convincing this time, eventually to another manager, to get out of the contract.

I had to write a letter and sign it and get it notorized in order to officially drop this payment plan I had signed up for! I didn’t really understand.

I never got to take one single class….and it left a really weird taste in my mouth about that place. I secretly said “good” when I saw the company fold and leave the building.

But who would I be without the thought that I might get duped, tricked, enlist in something that doesn’t work, lose, or come out no better than when I started?

Who would I be without the thought that I could be fooled, or conned out of money?

I’d notice how much I care about honesty, integrity, and staying in touch with my inner yes or no. I’d notice how money comes and goes and I have a deep inner awareness of participating in all that.

I see how all these dear humans are trying their best, and notice how I am also doing my best…and we all don’t really have absolute answers.

I turn the thought around that I was pushed, that those people tried to “get” me against my better judgment….

….and I see my part in the drama.

In that situation with the wellness yoga center, the truth is…they didn’t trick me.

I tricked them. I didn’t say right in the middle of the conversations what I was thinking: “what’s all this with the sales pitch? I just want to take some classes? is everything OK around here, because something feels a little off?”

“Is there anyone in this room that has never been supported? Including you, sweetheart? I invite everyone in this room to find one time when you were not supported. It’s not possible. There’s no time in your life when you have not been supported. I’ve never met any human being that can find one moment that they were not supported. On your own! With or without a job. Can anyone find one moment when they were not supported? [Pause] I can’t either.” ~ Byron Katie

Even in the moment when someone tried to RIP ME OFF….

….is it possible I was supported? Even if money moved from my pocket over to theirs, never to return?

Yes. I’ve learned to stay, wait, slow down, not make any desperate quick decisions. I’ve learned that there are no emergencies for money.

These things I learned could only come about through these experiences.

And now…I’m learning once again to expose myself and what I offer, be real, be honest, invite people to join me in self-inquiry and that sometimes no money is exchanged, sometimes money is exchanged, and the money coming and going is all doing what it does, peacefully.

Without my mind and my thinking getting too involved.

When it does….I can question it!

Click HERE to jump over to the link to sign up for the Money Inquiry on Sunday. 20 people can attend live via phone, to do The Work and participate actively, then many more can listen via their computer. You choose which you prefer!

Either way, it’ll be fun and interesting.

With Love, Grace

Wanting Something Reminds You To See If You Have It (You Do)

One of the most painful ways I used to pick at myself was through comparison of my life to Other People With Money.

I still notice a sense of embarrassment that appears when remembering what went on in my mind when I was in lots of turmoil about income, having enough, receiving, getting money, making money, wanting money.

I would step out of my cute little cottage and down the front porch steps between the two cherry trees to go on a walk in my neighborhood, something I did often, maybe several times a week.

I’d notice the fresh smell, look into the beautiful sky, get about 100 yards to my first right turn, and then….oh look.

Here I am again on the street of the Lucky People, the ones with all the money, who can afford the beachfront houses with docks.

One after the other images passed by, as I walked.

This gorgeous house, that ornamental tree, this lush fountain, that full sized statue from a distant land, the razor-trimmed lawn, that mercedes.

Boy, that must be nice. 

I would actually think this with a sarcastic voice.

How did they get their money? What’s the trick?! Where’d they get that marble? How can they afford to completely demolish their previous house and put up a freakin’ brand new one?

They are a million miles from me in life experience, and ten million dollars.

I am over here, living in 710 square feet and a weedy unkempt lawn not able to go see Byron Katie or do that meditation retreat because I can’t pay the program fees.

The people in these houses are having fun, they are free, secure, educated, they can breathe, fill their larders with fabulous groceries, order take-out, and attend any workshops, trainings or adventures they want.

And they probably buy jet skis instead! They don’t even realize how good they have it!

Hoooooooonnnnnk!

That honking noise means “Everyone, get out of the water, NOW!”

Guess who “everyone” is? Yes, that’s right. That would be the Complaints-About-Money Committee in my own head.

All these voices jabbering, swimming and splashing and shouting stressful, troubling, uncomfortable, Poor Me, Lucky Them beliefs.

These voices can be quite sophisticated and subtle, and faster than a speeding bullet.

They can say “well, I’m not ultra rich like THAT, I could start a non-profit (I should), I’m wasting my opportunities, I don’t even care that much about money, there are people starving so at least I’m not suffering…”

The time to stop is when you feel stress. Whatever your thoughts, when the feelings are uncomfortable or sad, or disturbing, or irritated…that’s how you know to listen to the horn when it blows, and get out.

Which means…stop, take a breath, and go get a pen and paper.

Stop believing the rapid-fire comparisons that keep a gap as wide as the Grand Canyon between me and Those Other People, between me and my own joy and happiness.

Many times, I returned home from my walk and sat down and began to write.

I would be happy if I had more money.

Is that true?

Oh, absolutely!! I can tell, because when I look at these houses and gardens and cars right out there around the corner, I KNOW those equal happiness.

Um. Yeah. Now that I realize what I just wrote…

No, I can’t absolutely know it’s true that money = happiness.

In fact, I didn’t actually see any people out there who weren’t like me, just humans out on a street moving from point A to point B.

But what about the workshops and trainings? They are happier because they can go to them!

Are you sure?

Are you sure you need a training? Are you sure you absolutely could not be happy unless in this moment you were at a meditation retreat with a great enlightened master?

Really?

Are you sure you cannot enlighten yourself, make friends with the Complaint Committee, be at peace, rest, know God/Source/Reality right where you are?

Because wouldn’t that be a weird universe if truth only existed over there, not over here?

Even if things are falling apart over here (apparently, in your opinion remember) ….like your bank balance?

Who would you be without the belief that you really need more money in order to be truly happy?

(Or education, health, beauty, peace, knowledge, wisdom, balance, silence, companionship, courage, recognition).

But, this feels almost like the opposite of the way I’ve thought since I was five.

Not needing MORE of something? Not needing some kind of improvement?

And yet…impossible or foreign as it seems at first…as you enter into this unknown territory of imagining who you would be without the belief that you need more of something….

….what fun. How incredible. Stunning.

“Everyone has equal wisdom. It is absolutely equally distributed. No one is wiser than anyone else. Ultimately, there is no one who can teach you, except yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Turning the beliefs around that I need money, I need retreats, I need that house over there, I want success (and I know what success is)…I consider not needing any of these things.

Standing there on the street, looking all around, walking back to my cottage, entering and sitting…I feel completely how I do not need more money to have this moment, to be breathing here now, to have taken a walk.

I do not need a retreat, because as it turns out, I am in complete silence entirely alone, with a stretch of hours ahead of me….

…and who’s your favorite teacher?!!

That would be me.

And when it isn’t, thank goodness for questioning the mind!

“Whenever I want an object, it’s not really the object I want. I want the experience the object will give me. Even if it’s a secure life and lots of money, what experience will I get when I have that? Is it here now? Is there anything deeper than that? And deeper than that? It will lead you right back into a state of presence….WHY you’re wanting is because the fulfillment is already there, trying to get your attention!” ~ Adyashanti

Perhaps all the money, luxury, ease, security, knowledge, wisdom, retreats, adventure, workshops, power, or enlightenment that have entered my consciousness at the moments I’ve wanted them are because the universe was reminding me I ALREADY HAVE THEM.

Perhaps those little (or desperately huge) wantings have been gifts, reminders.

Helping me remember that there is nothing, nothing, nothing outside of me that will bring me greater happiness than is already present.

My inner truth will not let me off the hook, going swimming in the lake of believing somewhere else besides here is better.

Including sitting in a big pile of money.

Love, Grace

Money Is None Of Your Business

Last May after writing these Grace Notes for about 6 months, I received a paypal donation of $10. A month later someone sent $100. A couple months after that I got $25 and then another $10. And then $100 again.

Now that is a weird thing, when your beliefs about money and how you get it is supposed to be hard work, and you’re supposed to be selling something or doing something that feels work-ish.

When it first happened, I thought “what is this? is there some mistake?”

This person out in the world who had sent me that first $10 also sent me an email saying she was tithing to what supports her in her personal inner journey. And that would be these posts.

You mean, just by being myself and having this practice of writing…which actually feels like it’s for me, people express their appreciation by sending money?

Holy Moly. I was so moved. And I saw with more clarity some of my own assumptions about money, because receiving these donations turned some of my beliefs upside down.

This is what I thought before:

  • People pay you if you work very hard and give them a lot of energy, relief, attention, or time
  • You have to push, drive, be disciplined to make money
  • Money is NOT easy to get
  • I have to hide my true feelings if I’m going to get paid
  • The harder I work and the more time I work, the more money I will get
  • If I am enjoying myself or doing what I would do right now anyway, for fun, then it’s weird to get paid for it
  • If I wasn’t getting paid for something, I wouldn’t do it
  • If I had all the money in the world that I needed, I would do NOTHING and I would be FREE to go the SPA

Really?

One of the most fascinating insights I ever had around money was when I did The Work with Katie on those rich people out there. Those greedy, jet-ski-using consumers who cared about nothing but themselves and their money!

Those people who went to fancy restaurants, spas, tropical islands, and who drove big ridiculous cars.

I think someone called them the 1%. Like they are Someone Different, in a different category, living in a different world, than me.

Mother Teresa was OK, because she was putting all her millions towards suffering people, but that guy who bought himself a 2 hour massage, a Four Seasons Buffet lunch, and a fancy suit from Nordstroms…now THAT guy was a selfish, greedy prick.

When you have all these rules about what is good or bad or selfish or generous about money, then you have to be so careful all the time. You have to watch out for your own inner greedy self that wants to win the lottery and go to the spa.

Who would I be without the thought that if I had a lot of money I would turn into the hoarding, sneaking-to-the-spa rich person who offered nothing of value to the world?

I mean really….it’s like my evaluation of human nature (when having these thoughts of money), including my own, is that everyone would prefer to have fun and do nothing and never exchange energy for money in the form of “work”.

Is it true? Can I absolutely KNOW that this is TRUE?

No. I see tons of people with great amounts of money flowing through their hands who are very involved and interested in giving, changing, making a difference, creating.

No. I notice that I myself don’t really like to sit around. I like writing and creating. I love teaching. I love working with people. I’ve done it a lot for free. I’ve PAID for workshops myself!

What if the turnarounds are just as true or truer?

  • Money is easy to get, it is easy to receive, it just shows up, like air
  • People pay me if I work very easy and give myself a lot of energy, relief, attention and time
  • I have to relax, wait, and be undisciplined to make money–I have to allow my wild, chaotic, creative self to come forward and play
  • I have to expose my true feelings to get paid
  • The easier I play and the more time I play, the more money I will get
  • If I am enjoying myself and doing what I would do for fun, why not get paid for it
  • I do many things all day, every day, which don’t involved getting paid for it but I do it anyway….do I really have to get paid to do something?
  • Have you ever been in a spa all day? It gets boring. I would want to do more, very soon, beyond this.

I found out, too, that when I had only $10 left in my bank account, and a mortgage due, and a first late payment which is the first step on the road to foreclosure, and not enough money to get gas to drive my car somewhere….I was still breathing and thinking and warm, and comfortable.

Who would you be without the thought that you are greedy or that going to the spa is a waste of resources, or that luxury is not cool?

What if even all this was not true? What if money was not my business? What if I didn’t believe the thought that there is not enough money somewhere?

Free to find out who I really am. Free to relax. Free to have or not have and enjoy both states and question what fears present themselves.

“Abundance has nothing to do with money.  Money is not your business; truth is your business.  I am not going to get wealth on the other side of the truth; I am going to get something much more important than that, something so powerful that everything else looks like nothing.  But as long as I think it should look like money, I am cheating myself.”~Byron Katie 

How is it the most fun ever, the most wonderful, the most interesting, the most perfect that you have exactly as much money as you have….and those other people have the amount of money they apparently have?

Who would you be without your story of money?

Someone who is sent money by strangers, out of the “blue”.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.