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Do You Think Someone Should Speak Up?

Yesterday morning a wonderful group of sincere inquirers called in to Summer Camp teleconference to question their stressful thinking.

The painful concept that appeared on someone’s worksheet was that someone they love should speak up.

I could relate immediately.

Have you ever had the thought that someone you care about should speak up? Say it? Stand up? Drop the quiet thing and ask for what they need?

Oh boy. I’ve had this moment with one of my kids, with a very good friend, with my dad…..and with myself.

I’ve even had people in my past say this to me, like….dang, you should give him a piece of your mind, you should tell her off, you should stand up for yourself!!!

But what every inquirer noticed in our group was that when you believe it to be true, and it’s not happening, you feel aggressive about it, frustrated, annoyed, pushy, anxious….

….and something about the whole desire for someone to speak up feels off.

You are against that person being as they are, all mute and quiet over there.

Some people feel that without the belief that speaking up should happen, then they would lose, be passive, be crushed, or be used.

It’s really helpful to ask yourself why speaking up needs to happen, from you or anyone. (And then you could ask yourself also why speaking up is frightening, if it is.)

But let’s look at that other person right now, who should speak up.

I once had a really great friend in college who was super crazy shy. Funny enough, he was also a performer, so he was on stage often. He rocked the house in theater.

But when stuff happened in his personal life, and he needed to make a request or state his point of view….he got really mumbling nervous and careful and hesitant.

He should speak up! Gawd! Spit it out!

Is it true?

Oh. Well. I’m not sure, truth be told. There could be good reasons why not talking is helpful, or waiting to speak is a calmer idea.

No, I guess it’s not true.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

Frustrated! Critical! I roll my eyes and don’t want to deal with him. I feel separate, and superior (yikes). Inside my head I’m noticing what a dorkish, weak, pathetic person he is. I think he’ll never get anywhere in life, even if he’s a good actor on stage.

Kind of intense!

But who would I be without the thought, in the presence of that person who should speak up?

A huge weight lifts off my chest, out of my heart. I feel lighter, relaxed. I notice the dearness of that person and how gentle they are, so willing to wait, be soft with words. Maybe they are confused, and yet they don’t fight or push.

I see someone doing their best, who has a different idea than me about what should be said.

I turn the thought around: he should not speak up, I should speak up to him, I should speak up to myself.

I sit with these turnarounds and look for examples.

What I wanted with this speaking up business was for him to be happy and content. Maybe he’s already happy and content, without speaking up.

Silence is pretty awesome, that’s for sure.

Oh, and perhaps since I’m the one taking notice of speaking up, I could open a conversation myself, kindly, about what I’m seeing….with my friend.

Ultimately, could I be yearning for some kind of speaking up to happen inside MOI?

Yes, I could stop speaking poorly about myself, I could stop chattering away at what I did or did not do well, I could notice how much I love that quiet non-speaking friend, child, or parent.

I could see how much happiness and contentment is present here, inside me, inside that other person, whether speaking happens or not.

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.~ Miguel Angel Ruiz 

Today I notice how gentle I feel towards all those sweet people who didn’t speak up confidently, and how gentle I feel towards myself for not speaking up confidently when I thought I should.

“True words aren’t eloquent; eloquent words aren’t true. Wise men don’t need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren’t wise….The Tao nourishes by not forcing. By not dominating, the Master leads.” ~ Tao Te Ching #81

Much love, Grace

 

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What If Illness Were Not An Enemy?

Oh boy, very bad head cold and fever.

The sensations are strange and intriguing in the body. Hot cheeks, hot forehead, when I get up from bed and return, the bed still feels strangely hot where I was laying before.

And the swollen glands in the throat, thick and aching. Then the completely stuffed up nose.

The funny thing is that although there are quite a few things I can’t really do today…or so I think…I don’t think about it every moment. I go in and out of being aware that I’m even sick.

Everyone does this!

Something difficult happens, a physical ailment, an accident, a tough situation….

….and even as that situation is happening your attention is sometimes elsewhere. You might go to sleep, or go to the bathroom, or get a glass of water.

For example, I thought at one point “I need to take some medicine for this fever and throat pain”.

And then I kept writing.

Forty-five minutes passed, then I did get up and get ibuprofen, so apparently medicine happened.

But it almost didn’t even matter. I was completely engrossed in my writing, then feeling it, then not feeling it again.

Where did the swollen glands, hurting throat, and sickness go in those moments?

What is this illness anyway? Is it really illness?

I am sick. Is it true?

Yes. This has happened every so often to me and to people I know since I was a kid. It’s called a bad cold. Or the flu maybe.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you’re sick?

Weird question, right?

But I find the answer is “no”.

I can’t absolutely know that what this is for, what it’s doing, what is meant by it. Maybe it’s a fact that I have a fever, but not necessarily a bad thing, or an alarming or disappointing or unhappy thing.

How do you react when you believe you’re sick?

Call the Fire Department! Emergency!

Cancel plans or worry about canceling plans.

Maybe you hold strong, reinforce with medicines, keep steady. Maybe you get anxious, read about your illness on the internet, research, get obsessive. Think about the future, and the past.

What you could do, what you should have done.

But who would you be without the thought that you are sick?

“Both pleasure and pain are projections, and it takes a clear mind to understand that. After inquiry, the experience of pain changes. The joy that was always beneath the surface of pain is primary now, and the pain is underneath it. People who do The Work stop fearing pain. They relax into it. They watch it come and go, and they see that it always comes and goes at the perfect moment.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought (and we’re not talking about denial here) I take vitamin C, I drink lots of water and tea, I lie in bed, I close my eyes, I sleep during the day.

And I feel deep peace. Like all is incredibly well. I guess there was no need to go to dance tonight. I breathe with my mouth open.

I turn the thought around: I am well.

This is what a body does. It responds.

I also notice this body is not who “I” am. It is doing its thing, and this “I” that is the silent center that’s always been here is entirely well.

It doesn’t really have a sick/well viewpoint, you know what I mean?

And, despite this condition called “sick” I had an initial interview for a presentation I’ll be a part of, I wrote Grace Notes, I taught my money class, I did some more planning for Summer Camp for The Mind, I applied for a cool program online, I helped my teenager figure out which bus to take.

Ha ha!

“There is no greater illusion than fear, no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself, no greater misfortune than having an enemy. Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.” ~ Tao Te Ching #46

Even if the enemy is sickness.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’re wanting to do The Work on pain, sickness or physical trauma…although it sounds kind of goofy, join Summer Camp. We’ll have good, solid rounds of facilitated Work in all areas, 3 days per week, and Q and A online via email. It will be liberating!

 

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Get Over Them Not Getting Over It

Yesterday I was enrolled in an all-day course in Suicide Assessment and Prevention that is required now for my credential of Certified Counselor where I live in Washington state in the USA.

Lucky me, the course was taught by a wonderful friend of mine.

He showed us a film of a therapy session between a very depressed suicidal client and a loving, direct therapist. We saw the whole session in chunks. He’d pause the film for discussion time….then he’d show the next 15 minutes of the session, followed by more discussion.

I had a few thoughts I kept to myself…you’ll see why in a second.

Because now, I get to reveal them to you.

They’re sort of like the sediment at the bottom of a lake, the real drudge of judgment that sits down there that’s childish, mean and nasty.

So there the client was, suffering terribly because her husband had died of cancer. She quit her job to nurse him through it for two years, and then he died four months ago. She was listless, apathetic, weeping, sort-of zombieville, depressed…..obviously in agony.

This little voice in my head, that one on the bottom under water, said “Jeez what a whiner, get over it! You have nothing to live for because one person died? Thousands of people die everyday, get a grip!”

We were then asked to look at our own feelings about the people in the film.

Oh.

Not exactly compassionate. It’s sort of embarrassing. I notice how I want to explain, justify or defend, apologize.

But thoughts like these are some of the best for inquiry.

Maybe you can find a moment when you thought you should have been compassionate and understanding, but you just weren’t.

Instead you were rolling your eyes or whispering under your breath.

She or he should get over it.….is that true?

Yes. Good grief! Get out the violins!

Can you absolutely know its true though, 100%, that right now, right here, that person should SNAP get over it?

No. They aren’t over it. That’s reality. And who am I to say who should or should not be “over” things in their life.

How do you react when you think the thought she (or he) should get over it, get a grip, buck up, pull it together?

I’m very dismissive. I feel like getting away from that person. I want them to STOP crying!

Suddenly I remember my daughter sobbing her eyes out because I gave her hand-me-down clothes to the little neighbor girl.

At that time, my impatience inside was on fire. Twelve years ago…I went into my room and closed the door and hit the bed with my fists.

(Who should snap out of it…ahem?)

So who would you be without the belief that the person in question should get over that issue?

I’d look at them and see a person in great pain. Believing their very difficult thoughts about life, and their circumstances.

I’ve been there.

“It couldn’t be simpler, though people feel that there’s got to be something hidden behind it. It’s user-friendly: what you see is what you get. Whatever happens is good, and if you don’t think so, you can question your mind.” ~ Byron Katie

It doesn’t mean I have to rush in and help, or run away from the scene. Without me having any story, in fact, I take in that person in the film….I take in any person with a heavy, sad, anguished story, including sad daughters for example, and I rest, I relax in their presence.

I hear their sounds, I understand their plight, I breathe deeply, I let them be who they are.

I should get over it.

That’s more true. I should get over them getting over it.

Unclench the fists, quit the attack-on-sobbing philosophy I seem to repeat over and over again.

“Not knowing is true knowledge.” ~ Tao Te Ching #71 

Much love, Grace

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When No One Shows Up, Question Your Thoughts

Breitenbush does still have one cabin (without plumbing) left with two beds. You can register for our workshop and take only one bed, knowing the other may be filled, or find a friend to join us! A very inexpensive way to come to Breitenbush.

These are the last two spots and it’s going to be a fabulous four days of immersion in The Work, the healing summer forest, natural hot springs, and simple delicious food. June 25-29. Call Breitenbush to make your reservation 503-854-7174.

*****

Speaking of workshops, planning, programs and goals….

….just about everyone organizes something for the future fairly regularly in their lives.

A vacation for yourself and a pack of friends, a special trip for you and your partner, a surprise party for your best friend, a fundraiser at your job, signing up for a new class, offering a class yourself, putting on a big event where people will be coming to gather, learn, have fun, find meaning.

The other day, a friend of mine shared how he had decided to have a one-day meditation and movement workshop in his city (which is not mine).

He posted it on facebook, sent emails, prepared folders for people, put up flyers at coffee houses and got excited for this special day…his first workshop offered ever!

The day of the session he arrived very early and prepared the space, setting up a circle of about twenty chairs.

Then he waited, and waited, and waited.

Not one person showed up.

He stayed the entire length of the workshop, sitting quietly even though sometimes, he was panicking. He kept writing down his thoughts, and then answering the four questions.

I’ve had these kinds of thoughts. Ooooh boy, they can be deeply stressful, and they can also be incredible to bring to inquiry.

  • nobody is coming
  • this was a terrible idea
  • no one cares about this topic
  • I’m doing something wrong
  • I’m not good enough

It’s not very difficult for even the most easy-going person to feel embarrassed, or wrong, or very disappointed. Just like if you planned a party, invited people, and nobody showed up.

How do you react when you believe there’s something wrong with you, or you aren’t good enough, or it means no one cares, or you had a terrible idea?

Once I had a “meetup”…that online site where you can create a gathering after registering.

The first one was fantastic, many people came and I was thrilled. I’m not even sure how that happened, how it was so successful, because I didn’t post it anywhere except the meetup site!

So I scheduled another meetup about 3 months later, in a different location. Only 4 people came. One of them said “I love doing The Work, but I’m not in the market for anything where I have to pay, so don’t try to sell me anything.”

Gulp.

Who would you be without the belief that this means something about YOU? And it’s bad?

Here’s what I found, without the thought….and it’s really spectacular news: a feeling of incredible energy and curiosity about what else to do, learning what’s missing, studying how others achieve attendance, learning how to deeply connect with others, serve, make genuine contact.

Now that’s exciting. And has nothing to do with me as a personality.

Let’s turn the thoughts all around:

  • I am coming (I am not nobody)…and everybody is coming
  • this was a fantastic idea
  • everyone cares about this topic
  • I’m doing something right
  • I am good enough

Can you find real, authentic examples of how you know these turnarounds to be true, or truer?

And from this place……the excited, anticipating, joyful, creative place of knowing you have a fantastic idea?

You may find one of my favorite questions for imagining anything coming in the future, that begins with…..HOW?

“How CAN I get this party hoppin’, how CAN I fill this retreat, how CAN I share myself with others, how CAN I learn to do this?”

Because you can, if you want to. You are good enough.

Do The Work, find your answers. No rush, just right timing.

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

I notice every single time there have been fewer people than anticipated for something I help create, there have been beautiful advantages for the exact number actually present.

Great intimacy, silence, trust, peace.

And funny thing….the fewer painful beliefs I have about what should or should not happen with upcoming events….the bigger they become.

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64

Much love, Grace

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When You Think You Don’t Have Enough Money

One of my favorite topics for The Work has been Money.

So many thoughts about money, so many sticky areas of concern, so many feelings about buying, selling, getting, accumulating, or losing money.

Many of the beliefs we have about money are like broken records, repeating themselves over and over, and we don’t even realize it.

Well, I sure didn’t realize it.

The beliefs went by so fast and were so nerve-wracking, my usual way was to ignore, avoid and not get involved with money if at all possible. I didn’t really like even noticing my beliefs. They were so stressful!

Trouble is, when you ignore an uncomfortable situation….it tends to build up and get more pronounced over time.

So when I found myself about to lose my home to foreclosure, out of work, unexpectedly divorced, without health insurance, and unable to pay for my children’s music lessons any longer (in fact, they went on the reduced lunch program at school for families with low income)….

….I HAD to look at my beliefs about money.

It all began with one.

I don’t have enough money.

Now, it’s helpful to review with yourself what you don’t have enough money for. You probably have enough money to eat, have a home, sleep, drink water, get your basic needs met.

Maybe you couldn’t buy that car for sale down the block, maybe you can’t go shopping this afternoon and buy lots of clothes. Or maybe you don’t have enough money for guaranteed security, in case something happens? Medical fees in case you have some, later?

Or maybe you don’t have enough money to keep your house, or to stay home instead of going to work at a job you don’t like that much.

So once you see what you don’t have enough money for….

….hold your disappointment and your situation vividly in your mind and answer the four questions.

I don’t have enough money (in my case, to pay off my entire house loan).

Is that true?

Yes, it’s a fact. It’s absolutely true.

But notice how quickly there’s an emotional reaction….it will always be true, this is terrible, I’m stuck, I hate debts and this mortgage is a big one, I HAFTA get more money, this is urgent, I’ll work harder.

Worry, worry. Push, push. Harder, harder!

For some people, this can get exhausting.

So who would you be without the thought? Without the belief that right now you don’t have enough money?

Look around wherever you are, noticing your environment. See if you’re safe, comfortable, supported.

I notice I am.

It’s even exciting, to feel what it’s like without that belief that there’s not enough of something. To trust this moment, not by thinking positively but by actually noticing what is here, right now, in the present.

Turn the thought around: I do have enough money.

It’s so easy for me to see. I have enough to be here in this house right now (even though I owe money on it). I love living here. Every month I send extra to the mortgage company. I’m paying the most I can. It’s actually fun, it’s a game. The balance drops lower every time I open a statement.

Another turnaround: I don’t have enough of myself….and neither does money. 

Yes…..I see how in the past I haven’t shared myself, I’ve been self-critical, I haven’t been a very nice companion to myself, and I haven’t been very kind to money. I’ve yelled at it for leaving me. I’ve felt both inferior and superior to those other people who have a lot of it, or none of it.

I’ve avoided learning about money, I’ve gasped at items that cost huge amounts of money, I’ve been hyper-worried about money, I’ve been disrespectful towards money.

Kinda love/hate.

After that work on money, I began to make friends with money and to trust that I had just the right amount of it at any given moment.

Funny, money comes around more since I started being such a good friend to it, and to myself.

“I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what e-mails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. We’ll do some good, awesome work on Money and other concerns in Summer Camp for anyone who wants! June, July and August…come one, come all if you’d like to join with me and fellow inquiring travelers for 1, 2 or 3 months of fun, diving into all kinds of investigations on painful beliefs we carry. More on Summer Camp soon!

 

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If You’re In A Hole, Stop Digging

Yesterday morning, a Sunday, I awoke knowing I didn’t have an appointment, a plan, a client (unusual for a Sunday anyway).

Yet within one minute, maybe even less, the Do Stuff Committee decided to call a meeting, apparently.

You’ve got a little free time! Get up! Move it!

Wash the sheets, go through clothes to give away to Good Will, clean up after 17 year old’s birthday slumber party, research lawn services (weeds going crazy), add the private forums page to my website, set up Summer Camp membership, plan for Breitenbush retreat, re-write first chapter of book, hire editor for final proposal read-through, buy toilet cleaner, hem pants, drive son back to college (3 hours round-trip), write article for Saturday dance, finish reading library book, complete next Year of Inquiry curriculum….

Shall I stop yet?

I could go on.

That’s the nature of the Do Stuff Committee. What I’ve shared so far was only the beginning. And I have no idea how many hours all that would take….but it would take more than a day.

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” ~ Will Rogers

I got up and went to dance.

It’s weird, being alive and being someone who loves getting things done and accomplishing and moving and creating and feeling busy, occupied, dynamic.

And yet, impossible to do everything the mind will suggest.

And even more weird, I chose to NOT “get things done” in that moment. I got in my car with my cute husband, and off we went to play on the dance floor and connect with fabulous people, and sweat intensely.

On the way home from dance….the Committee got louder.

OK, NOW are you gonna get crackin’ on the list? There’s a lot to DO here! You will NEVER get all this done. This is NOT the way to success. Don’t waste time!

Come on!!!!

I hate that, when it starts feeling overwhelming, too pushy, too loud. A wave of rebellion enters.

Even sinking despair.

I will never get it all done.

Is it true?

Yes. There’s always more to do, an endless list. I’ll die with visions of unfinished opportunities. Dang it.

Can I absolutely know that its true that I will never get it all done?

Yes! I can absolutely know this! Argggh!

But what about that is bad? Are you sure it’s terrible, that your mind sees these unfinished tasks and products and wishes, knowing its not possible to complete them all?

No.

Wow, that’s nice. A relief, a space in the crunched feeling of Task Master. Phew.

How do I react when I believe I have to get it done?

Almost angry. Sometimes I want a freakin’ break. Self-critical if I take one. Everything supposed to be high performance, lazer, handled, efficient.

In the old days, this kind of expectation of myself to Move It would be so feisty that I’d want to drink, escape, do anything to forget about myself and my list for five seconds. Then I’d flip to the opposite side and do absolutely Nothing, maybe go to three movies in one day. Eat, obsess, makes lists for other days.

So who would I be without the thought when I wake up in the morning that I have to do anything special, that it is “better” to obliterate the list, or complete as much as possible, as quickly as possible?

Without the thought that anything is required, for success, or happiness?

Wait. Seriously?

That couldn’t be true, could it?

But try it on for a sec. See.

See if it could be possible that nothing is required, you need to finish NOTHING on your “list” generated by the Do Stuff Committee, in order to achieve freedom.

“When you get clear enough, you will realize that the real problem is that there is something inside of you that can have a problem with almost anything. The first step is to deal with that part of you. This involves a change from outer-solution-consciousness to inner-solution-consciousness. You have to break the habit of thinking that the solution to your problems is to re-arrange things outside.” ~ Michael Singer

As I feel what it’s like to be without the thought that I must Do Everything Today, I notice I’ve been scaring myself with the idea that I need to get somewhere else, somewhere better.

Why do I want to get all this stuff done anyway? To arrive at success, accomplishment, pride, empowerment.

What if I could have all those things right now, right here, without needing to do anything? Without having to believe all my thinking?

I turn the thought around: I do not have to achieve it all today. I do not have to do anything in this moment. I do not have to escape, even. I do not have to distract myself. I do not have to push, try, finish, complete.

Oddly, I notice I come home and put all the sheets in the washing machine. I check my calendar. I clean the kitchen, wipe the counters, sweep the floor. I give my daughter a piano lesson. I schedule a volunteer hour on the Help Line! I drive my son back to college.

I start writing.

“I never have the sense that anything I haven’t done is undone. I see the things that don’t get done as things that need a different timing; I and the world are better off without them, for now. I have hundreds of emails waiting for me on my computer, some of them from people who are desperately asking for my response, but I never feel frustrated that I don’t have time to answer them….What really matters is always available to everyone.” ~ Byron Katie in Question Your Thinking, Change The World

I open the door to the Do It Committee meeting room, to see if they are still underway.

It’s empty. I guess they adjourned.

“The Master never reaches for the great. Thus, she achieves greatness.” ~ Tao Te Ching #63

Much love,
Grace

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Breitenbush Sold Out (With One Exception)

Wow, Breitenbush Annual Retreat in The Work of Byron Katie is FULL….except for people who want to stay in a deluxe tent platform open-air space, or a dorm.

The pros? Incredibly inexpensive, you still get all those exquisite healthy meals, access to all the hotsprings natural pools, and of course, you’ll attend our deep sessions in The Work to Declare Peace.

The cons? You bring your sleeping bag and set yourself up like someone going on a spirit quest walkabout in the deep forest. With hotsprings nearby, and showers heated by the springs.

If that’s for you, call Breitenbush soon and join our awesome group taking the deep sea dive into the internal world of inquiry, questioning all your painful stories, and turning your mind inside out (in a good way) by contemplating what is really true for you.

That last spots will go very soon. If you have special questions about anything Breitenbush, call me (206-650-1230). I can’t answer every logistical thing because Breitenbush does all the registration and administrative stuff. But I can tell you of my experience.

Funny, but that’s all any of us can ever really do if we’ve visited somewhere and someone else asks to know what it was like.

Including the world of freedom from stress, sadness, anger or pain. The peace found beyond believing what you think.

Last year, before I went to Bali with my husband on our honeymoon, I read about Bali, I heard from people who had been to Bali, I saw pictures of Bali, I got recommendations of where to stay and what to see.

But nothing was the same as actually being there.

You can’t really get the feel of any place entirely, just by learning about it.

I could even see a film of Bali (which I did, when looking at a bike-ride adventure for a day with a touring company). I could read guidebooks (I got about ten from the library). I saw the personal photos from a good friend from his trip with his family.

Everything brought it closer: film, pictures, stories from others, words.

But NOTHING was like being there. From the moment of getting off the airplane, there were smells, sights, colors, temperature, sounds of all kinds.

It was like diving into the lake, when before, someone told me about what it was like to swim there.

Even if I had entered a 3-D hologram sort of scene of Bali (I heard recently that there are bird-tweets programmed into the speakers in the ground at Disneyland) it might have been fun, but not quite REAL.

You know what I’m talkin’ about!

Understanding your own mind, your own experience of being alive, how you react, and who you’d be without your stressful thoughts….you have to experience it for yourself.

Even if you can’t make it to Breitenbush in Oregon in the United States and you are across the world (maybe you’re in gorgeous Bali, I met some awesome Grace Notes readers there) you can support your own inner journey by making your environment ideal.

You can do The Work, you can see what you’re thinking, you can stop, question, and hold still and look around.

Then….FEEL your environment, feel who you are, feel all of you, beyond your thoughts and perceptions.

“This Work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself.Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down or hopeless you think you are…..You may begin to experience revelations about yourself and your world, revelations that will transform your whole life, forever.” ~ Byron Katie

This has been true for me. It has transformed my whole life.

This life of understanding the mind, thinking, thoughts, beliefs, un-believing, not knowing, mystery, enlightenment….

….what a stunning adventure.

We’re all on the same journey of freedom, we all love freedom soooo much!

And in the end, you don’t need to move your body anywhere to take this journey. It’s real, and real can be to be exactly where you are.

Well…maybe a fake bird call here and there (an untrue thought)…but you’ve got what it takes to know what’s real. Phew!

“I came to see that the world is always as it should be, whether I opposed it or not. And I came to embrace reality with all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind coming June, July and August. Only $97 per month with live telecalls and a private membership site. Do The Work with others, only using your phone or computer. You really DON’T have to leave your home for summer camp!

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If You Keep Lying Down, You’ll Drown

Recently a client was telling me about their experience taking EST trainings in the 1980s.

(I took these trainings, too! Twice!)

There was a component at the beginning of the training where a list of agreements were given to all the participants.

Where to put your name badge, compliance around when to leave the room, how the structure of the program will unfold, the consequences of lateness.

The leader said that we would go over these “rules” but no one should agree to them unless they had all their questions answered, and were in total and complete 100% agreement at the core of their being with every rule on the list.

I can’t remember if that’s the exact way they put it, but you get the idea. Don’t agree to a commitment that you could break.

For my client who was looking back at her experience taking EST, that was noooooo problemo. It wasn’t for me either, at the time.

Those are the rules? OK then. I can do that. You got it. If that’s what you need, to get on with this, I have zero objection.

But then the Other People.

Good lord, seriously? Someone else is raising their hand to bring up a point about the stupidity of “having” to wear your name tag in the top right side quadrant of your torso?

Just put your name tag there, you moron, you’re making us all wait forever! I have to go to the bathroom, jeez!

(Internal eyes rolling. This would be over by now if not for all these petty objections, and we could get on with this and get into the actual program).

What I didn’t realize at the time, being one of the youngest, most immature people there, was that it WAS the program.

My strategy was already cemented in place about rules, regulations, control, patience, and waiting.

The most low-key, acceptable way to handle being in an environment where someone else wanted everything to be ordered, smooth, or controlled, where they were telling you what to do, and where someone had lots of expectations….

….was to Just Do It.

I thought of myself as the most patient wait-er. I was calm, collected and not a problem child. I was not selfish, I would be good and helpful.

If I had to wait until the world ended, fine.

Be that way!

Well….that approach has brought on some serious passivity in my life that has felt hopeless, unhappy, despairing and deadly. A kind of giving up.

But the other day, I recognized it as a very, very subtle but tricky little idea that still lived inside of me.

I realized that sometimes, I still believed the opposite of making an effort, pushing, grinding, pressing on, competing and trying to “win”….was to lie down on the floor.

Quit trying. The effort clearly doesn’t work. So give up. Wait for all the dorks to come to their senses. Maybe they’ll approach ME.

Now, before you think you can’t relate and you’re never compliant, or that you try to be a good team member, or are passive at your own expense (feeling superior to others) consider your spiritual path, your inner spiritual life.

I will sit in meditation and wait, since I am now practicing No Effort.

Since Reality, God, Bliss, Enlightenment, Money, Love or Joy do not show up and stick around forever….

….I guess I’ll just accept All This as a big chaotic mess. Kinda bummer. But that’s OK, I’m not complaining. Heh heh.

The awesome thing about doing The Work is that you are SUPPOSED to complain. What a relief. Finally you can go for it.

Time for some investigation!

Is it true that you have to wait? For that thing you want?

Holy Moly! What?!?!

Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?

Dang.

Pause.

YES! Show me the Money! Show me the Lightening Bolt! Unveil my clouded eyes! My phone isn’t ringing…hello?! (You can bang the phone on the table for extra dramatic effect while shaking your fist at the sky).

OK, but do you absolutely know that YOU have to WAIT? All of you? Your thinking? Your body? Is the silence you hear actually a form of waiting? Are you SURE?

Who would you be if you did not have to wait for what you really want?

Just pretend. If you couldn’t even have that thought, who would you be? What would you say, do, feel right now?

What if you aren’t missing something, or waiting to get to the real meat of the program?

Give it a moment. It’s just a suggestion.

You. Do. Not. Have. To. Wait.

See if it could be as true or truer than the original, stressful thought.

“You find yourself lying on the bottom of the ocean with your face in the sand, and even though all the sand is going up your nose and into your mouth and your eyes and ears, you stand up and you begin walking again. Then the next wave comes and knocks you down. The waves just keep coming, but each time you get knocked down, you stand up and keep walking. After a while, you’ll find that the waves appear to be getting smaller. That’s how karma works. If you keep lying down, you’ll drown.” ~ Pema Chodron

Wow, I do not have to lie down, hold back, reel it in, keep my cards as close to the chest as possible and stay in a hidey hole?

All I know is, right now in this moment, without waiting, a surge of excitement goes through me that’s so thrilling and unexplainable, I feel like Tigger towards the universe.

You know, the very enthusiastic almost annoying tiger in Winnie The Pooh?

JOY!

Turn the thought around again: my thinking has to wait.

Yes, it’s always sure it’s being left behind, or competing, or not given enough, you know? Never quite right. More, around the corner.

Boy, thinking loves to spin a good story.

“Have you ever felt that you really didn’t like being here very much and that you wanted some wonderful eternal experience? That’s what is often thought but not said when the teacher says, “Be here right now.” Inside you are feeling, “I am here, and I don’t like being here. I want to be there, where enlightenment is.”~ Adyashanti

Right here, in this waiting space, this moment with all those people asking all their questions and getting all their needs met…..maybe YOU have question, too?

And if you really don’t, how intriguing all theirs are, how fascinating. Is this moment NOW the wonderful, eternal experience you’ve been waiting for?

It might be.

Check to see.

If it isn’t, write down why not and get to work, don’t wait.

And if you’re ready to get into it with a group, come join us at Breitenbush. The fresh air, the warmth of the hot springs, the fabulous food, the mind getting to answer superb and expansive questions.

You can find your answers.

Get up again, don’t lie down!

Everything is waiting for YOU. Now that’s the ultimate turnaround!

TIGGER BOUNCE!

Much love, Grace

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Be In This Yuck Place From Your True Nature

“I don’t like it here.”

 

This past week, two inquirers noticed this thought and how terribly stressful it could become.

 

Ooooh boy, I can relate.

 

I used to have this thought all the time about being on the planet.

 

I once had a very dear friend who felt constantly depressed because of living in the same city I live in, where it rains a lot during the winter. She stayed here for a decade. Then finally, returned to the place she grew up. Lots of sun.

 

Depression and sadness averted? Not really.

 

I had another friend who moved as far away from home as possible, to a place where the weather was mild, the people were mild, the temperature was mild, the landscape was mild. Lots of successful-looking huge houses on the beach. No family drama.

 

Was the inside of his head mild?

 

Uh. That would be NO. He struggled constantly to stop anxiety, switch medications, find another new solution, and change his feelings of rage towards other humans.

 

Let’s do The Work.

 

If you have a place you think of as imperfect, or horrible, where your life actually takes you there on purpose sometimes, then recall it now.

 

Even if you hardly ever go there anymore, but when you talk about it, you complain with a vengeance….this may be your chance to settle something important about that place.

 

You don’t like it there.

 

Is that true?

 

Yes, it’s dirty, dusty, noisy, the water comes out of the taps cloudy, everyone tries to pick your pocket, the food could make you sick, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, too many creepers on the streets, too much snow, traffic, pollution, people squish you, too crowded, houses are too ticky-tacky matching…..

 

….you get the idea.

 

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you don’t like it?

 

I close my eyes, I feel what that place feels like.

 

I slow waaaaay down. Hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing, touching, feeling. Being there, remembering it, images rushing by in my mind.

Not absolutely true.

How do I react when I believe I don’t like it here?

I talk about it, I fight against it, I disagree with other people who do like it, I hate positive comments about it, I attack it, I feel aggressive towards it, I feel frightened and run away from it.

I think of it as a problem that must be solved.

I love it when I said to my husband “I hate the clutter in this room! It’s the wrong furniture! It’s been five years of living this way!”

Like we’ve been living in terrible conditions and he surely agrees with me what a terrible plight we’re in.

“Your life is in a mess. You want to get out of it. It’s in a mess because of your ideas. You have wrong ideas. Don’t even bother trying to catch the culprit……The simplest formula to this: the world is full of sorrow, the root of sorrow is desire or attachment, the uprooting of sorrow is desire-less-ness, the uprooting of attachments.” ~ Anthony De Mello

Who would you be without the thought that you don’t like it here? That it’s fine if you prefer one place over another place, but you don’t really mind this situation?

Without the thought that right here at the dump, in the garbage pit, on the side of the freeway, in the middle of war…..I don’t believe with a vengeance that I hate it here?

Really? Wow.

It does not mean that I don’t look around, get up, seek shelter, ask for help, move to a quieter table.

I can do all those things, and have preferences….without clinging on to the belief that I should like every minute of every hour non-stop.

I like it here.

Could that be as true, or truer?

I notice, it is so much more fun to like it here. Incredible, really. The most fascinating and luscious place, such variety, the movie changing constantly, every moment a different possibility.

A movement, a hum, ideas coming and going, nothing to fear, nothing to actually be against, nothing to eliminate. Including everything, everything.

I like my thoughts here. They, too, come and go. They spring up then fade back. Intense, then asleep.

Even the middle of a concentration camp. Not playing at denial, simply noticing there is something to like here.

This heart beating, the sky, a bug, that sound.

Who knows what might happen, now that you like this place, just a little. The war might be over. And you could live anywhere.

“You realize that you never really wanted whatever you thought you wanted. You realize that behind all of your desires was a single desire: to experience each moment from your true nature.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

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He’s Asking Too Much–Is It True?

It’s only two months now until the Breitenbush Annual summer retreat immersion in The Work.

If you register by this Thursday, May 1st, it’s only $395 for tuition. You add lodging and meals based on your own preference.

To sign up call Breitenbush on the phone at 503-854-7174. The reservation desk is open, even if the campus is not, so listen carefully to their outgoing message and press the right buttons to get connected.

Speaking of ancient old-fashioned ways of making reservations….

….I’m in love with my new smart phone.

If a phone can do what this phone does (it talks to me when it can tell I’m moving in car, so I’m hands-free, wow)…

…then one would think that registering for ANYTHING should be easy.

The other day I took a six hour CEU (Certified Education Units) training for my certification in counseling in Washington state entitled “Mental Health Ethics in the Digital Age”.

As our brilliant lecturer began the program and asked everyone what devices they used and whether or not they had websites, the range of answers was enormous.

Someone shouted from the back of the room that she would NEVER sign up for facebook. Later on I taught her about Instagram and Snapchat, which I learned from my teens.

I thought she was going to have a heart attack. (We laughed!)

People get fired up about social media and doing things online, getting information stolen or interrupted or spied on. Many people are oriented towards face-to-face contact or talking on the phone rather than email or chat room.

It’s really interesting noticing a little stabbing judgy thoughts about people, new technology and devices and programs, and what they should or should not be doing.

A man wrote me recently asking to please send information to his P.O. Box about the Breitenbush retreat. No email or phone number.

I wondered what information, exactly? I have a ton of information already on my website, and on www.thework.com events, and on facebook events.

Can’t you get it there?

I must confess, I resisted.

Send a physical written letter thing? Jeez, what a lot of unnecessary work! In this day and age? He must be 100 years old!

(Gosh, could it be that sometimes, the information I list out there online might be a little hard to find, or confusing, or—gasp—incorrect?)

Well. It’s a little embarrassing to admit I didn’t want to write a postcard, but this is worthy of The Work.

Because everything is.

It’s kinda like the same as getting all worked up about traffic, or interruptions, or losing your dollars in the vending machine….

….is it true, that this question requires an inconvenient action? Is it true that giving a response is a hassle?

No.

It took me less than five minutes to send a postcard today, to the requested address.

Is it true that I would know what that person’s motivation, age, situation or personality is like, who is making this request?

People who get enraged at traffic often think they know what the drivers are like: rude, unconscious, unsafe, distracted.

But can you know that this is true?

Can you be SURE that you know whatever you think you know about the questioner?

Not at all.

How do you react when you believe the thought that someone is asking you for something inconvenient, or something that is “making” you expend extra energy?

Well, heck, the way I react is I dismiss them. I think they’re irritants. I want to ignore them, get away from them.

Sometimes people feel this way at work. Someone asks them to complete something new, different, extra, unusual.

What a pain-in-the-ass!

Fume fume fume.

Maybe you do a poor job, just to make them sorry. So they never ask you again.

But who would you be if you couldn’t even have the thought that his request is a hassle? That her question was stupid? That their complaint is frightening? That she asks for too much?

“There isn’t any hell or heaven except for how we relate to our world. Hell is just resistance to life. When you want to say no to the situation you’re in, it’s fine to say no, but when you build up a big case to the point where you are so convinced that you would draw your sword and cut off someone’s head, that kind of resistance to life is hell.” ~ Pema Chodron

I may not have a sword….but my mind is shooting daggers. This is not really that different.

In fact, I see that if I can notice this internal stab, it’s a lot easier to soften, relax and surrender and take the most natural next step.

Like send a simple postcard to someone I never met.

Then, it never turns into war. I use my intuition, I respond.

Yes. No. Not right now. Maybe later. Pause. Wait. Yes.

I turn the thoughts around: Breitenbush should reserve only by phone and appear to be closed a lot, that man is not asking for too much, they aren’t hassling me, it is not difficult, I don’t know what they are thinking… 

I follow the simple directions.

It’s very efficient. And much easier.

Even fun.

Heck, now I’m thinking I could have written more. I could have printed out something from my website and sent it. Ha ha, it moved the way it did.

Gently.

“When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.” ~ Byron Katie 

Much love,

Grace