Yesterday morning, a Sunday, I awoke knowing I didn’t have an appointment, a plan, a client (unusual for a Sunday anyway).
Yet within one minute, maybe even less, the Do Stuff Committee decided to call a meeting, apparently.
You’ve got a little free time! Get up! Move it!
Wash the sheets, go through clothes to give away to Good Will, clean up after 17 year old’s birthday slumber party, research lawn services (weeds going crazy), add the private forums page to my website, set up Summer Camp membership, plan for Breitenbush retreat, re-write first chapter of book, hire editor for final proposal read-through, buy toilet cleaner, hem pants, drive son back to college (3 hours round-trip), write article for Saturday dance, finish reading library book, complete next Year of Inquiry curriculum….
Shall I stop yet?
I could go on.
That’s the nature of the Do Stuff Committee. What I’ve shared so far was only the beginning. And I have no idea how many hours all that would take….but it would take more than a day.
“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” ~ Will Rogers
I got up and went to dance.
It’s weird, being alive and being someone who loves getting things done and accomplishing and moving and creating and feeling busy, occupied, dynamic.
And yet, impossible to do everything the mind will suggest.
And even more weird, I chose to NOT “get things done” in that moment. I got in my car with my cute husband, and off we went to play on the dance floor and connect with fabulous people, and sweat intensely.
On the way home from dance….the Committee got louder.
OK, NOW are you gonna get crackin’ on the list? There’s a lot to DO here! You will NEVER get all this done. This is NOT the way to success. Don’t waste time!
Come on!!!!
I hate that, when it starts feeling overwhelming, too pushy, too loud. A wave of rebellion enters.
Even sinking despair.
I will never get it all done.
Is it true?
Yes. There’s always more to do, an endless list. I’ll die with visions of unfinished opportunities. Dang it.
Can I absolutely know that its true that I will never get it all done?
Yes! I can absolutely know this! Argggh!
But what about that is bad? Are you sure it’s terrible, that your mind sees these unfinished tasks and products and wishes, knowing its not possible to complete them all?
No.
Wow, that’s nice. A relief, a space in the crunched feeling of Task Master. Phew.
How do I react when I believe I have to get it done?
Almost angry. Sometimes I want a freakin’ break. Self-critical if I take one. Everything supposed to be high performance, lazer, handled, efficient.
In the old days, this kind of expectation of myself to Move It would be so feisty that I’d want to drink, escape, do anything to forget about myself and my list for five seconds. Then I’d flip to the opposite side and do absolutely Nothing, maybe go to three movies in one day. Eat, obsess, makes lists for other days.
So who would I be without the thought when I wake up in the morning that I have to do anything special, that it is “better” to obliterate the list, or complete as much as possible, as quickly as possible?
Without the thought that anything is required, for success, or happiness?
Wait. Seriously?
That couldn’t be true, could it?
But try it on for a sec. See.
See if it could be possible that nothing is required, you need to finish NOTHING on your “list” generated by the Do Stuff Committee, in order to achieve freedom.
“When you get clear enough, you will realize that the real problem is that there is something inside of you that can have a problem with almost anything. The first step is to deal with that part of you. This involves a change from outer-solution-consciousness to inner-solution-consciousness. You have to break the habit of thinking that the solution to your problems is to re-arrange things outside.” ~ Michael Singer
As I feel what it’s like to be without the thought that I must Do Everything Today, I notice I’ve been scaring myself with the idea that I need to get somewhere else, somewhere better.
Why do I want to get all this stuff done anyway? To arrive at success, accomplishment, pride, empowerment.
What if I could have all those things right now, right here, without needing to do anything? Without having to believe all my thinking?
I turn the thought around: I do not have to achieve it all today. I do not have to do anything in this moment. I do not have to escape, even. I do not have to distract myself. I do not have to push, try, finish, complete.
Oddly, I notice I come home and put all the sheets in the washing machine. I check my calendar. I clean the kitchen, wipe the counters, sweep the floor. I give my daughter a piano lesson. I schedule a volunteer hour on the Help Line! I drive my son back to college.
I start writing.
“I never have the sense that anything I haven’t done is undone. I see the things that don’t get done as things that need a different timing; I and the world are better off without them, for now. I have hundreds of emails waiting for me on my computer, some of them from people who are desperately asking for my response, but I never feel frustrated that I don’t have time to answer them….What really matters is always available to everyone.” ~ Byron Katie in Question Your Thinking, Change The World
I open the door to the Do It Committee meeting room, to see if they are still underway.
It’s empty. I guess they adjourned.
“The Master never reaches for the great. Thus, she achieves greatness.” ~ Tao Te Ching #63
Much love,
Grace