Category: Trouble With Food and Eating

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What If You Aren’t The One Who’s Doing It?

I am truly overwhelmed and honored by all the emails, facebook head chats, messages, texts and a few in-person thank-you’s letting me know the Eating Peace webinar was meaningful, helpful and genuinely inspiring last night.

I wound up recording it (slightly accidental).

Click here (to my cooooool intro page I learned how to create all by myself) enter your email and you’ll receive everything you need to watch the webinar in your Inbox. If you don’t want to remain on the Eating Peace mailing list after you get it, just unsubscribe at the bottom, no biggie.

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It’s exciting when something works out better than you ever imagined, right?

Yay, this is good….says the inner commentator.

The feeling within is alive, excited, thrilled.

Maybe you have the thought “I made it!” or “I did it!”

But I notice sometimes stressful ideas and feelings may follow on the heals of judging things as “good”.

It’s called “I have to keep this now.”

The mind follows a line of thinking that goes something like:

Cool. I got this. Hey, let’s raise the bar now. Get to the “next level”. Achieve, accomplish, keep the success going, push through it, now 10x this thing!

(Picture a British drill sergeant yelling “GO GO GO!! Look Alive!! Look Alive!!!”)

Even if you’re not that intense, how strange the movement of thinking so quickly orients to holding on to what you got, making sure you don’t lose. You’re managing yourself and your surroundings.

The other day I heard a good friend say “I don’t want to talk about getting the new job, cause I don’t want to jinx it.”

So cute, really.

We get so superstitious.

What I’m doing, saying, thinking could make something topple, or stay with me, or move against me, or support me.

Can’t get toooooo excited, or I might wind up disappointed later!

Dang.

It’s so much WORK.

But who would you be without the belief that you did it (whatever wonderful thing it was)?

This is really un-hitching yourself from the idea that someone is to blame….including for the good stuff.

I’m not taking away the accomplishment, or suggesting you’re not as competent, or that you didn’t work super hard to get somewhere, or that you weren’t the one practicing, learning, creating.

(Or am I?)

This is simply a little exploration in noticing that even getting what you think you want sometimes isn’t all its cracked up to be.

I’ve worked with so many clients in sessions or retreats who dream of lots of money, or being thin, or being healthy, or finding a mate, or having a rock star business, or becoming president (well, OK, not one person has ever told me they wanted to be president).

Nothing wrong with any of these….

….but who would we be WITHOUT the belief that I am the one who must push, make, try, grab, fight, or drive something into happening?

Do you notice the pressure that can happen with believing you are the one in charge?

And how the thought is very long-standing and has been around a long time that your life is up to YOU?!

Who would you be without this belief….in a good way?

I notice I feel very connected to the world.

All the people who have supported me, all the steps and lessons and teachers and hard times and easy times. My heart beating, my lungs going in and out, without me telling them how to do it.

I’d feel this moment right now, full of appreciation.

I’d thank my mind for thinking, thinking, thinking so very much and believing so many thoughts that it practically shorted out like an electrical current.

I just wouldn’t be against myself, without the belief that my-life-is-up-to-me-so-I-better-work-my-ass-off.

Very aware that there is not an individual solo me here running the show.

I turn the thought around: I did not do it.

It was done. It did me. 

Somehow all forces of the universe converged, and I was there, and it happened.

I wasn’t in command, much as the mind would like to think I was. Not the one or the thing at the helm, not the one in charge, not the do-er of it all.

No way. Impossible.

Can you find the lightness in letting go of the drive to get there, get it, achieve it?

This doesn’t mean lie down on the floor and do nothing.

I notice I rarely want to do that (although I did today for awhile….right down on the floor, on the red floral carpet….it was a good position for some reason).

It just means my hands are open and relaxed, and nothing is required.

Ahhhhhhh. Awe-some.

“One day I noticed I wasn’t breathing–I was being breathed.” ~ Byron Katie

Let the show play on!

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. Wow, we are starting at 9:30 am this morning in north Seattle (Kenmore) with three days of Eating Peace. There’s room for you, if something in your heart says YES. If you’re scared to try, just come. Hit reply and let me know, I’ll send you the address.

 

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Are You Too Quiet Sometimes? Speaking Up PLUS Eating Peace Webinar

Filled with regret
I should have spoken up

Today, I put together a free webinar. (Finishing touches still underway, it’ll be raw and unedited and live, tomorrow at 5 pm Pacific Time).

The webinar is: Five Brutal Beliefs to Question if you Want Eating Peace. 

But really, anyone can consider these beliefs and take them to inquiry.

You don’t have to have ever had a single compulsive bite of food.

Most people have experienced a compulsive bite of thought, however.

What do I mean by compulsive thought?

The dictionary defines compulsion as riveting, fascinating, compelling, gripping, engrossing, enthralling, captivating, irresistible, uncontrollable, overwhelming, urgent, obsessive.

Have you ever noticed your thoughts have to have this kind of energy before you actually DO something compulsive?

It’s like this: I have a thought and I believe it’s real and true.

It happens in two milliseconds flat.

Even though it makes me feel anxious, sad, angry, or unhappy….

….I’m a believer.

It doesn’t cross my mind to question whether or not the idea was true, or to question my conclusions, or the stressful things I’m imagining.

Nope, I simply decided without question what that person said about me, or what happened, or what will happen, and what I’m feeling, are threatening.

What’s happening isn’t good.

Help! Help! Help!

(Cut to chicken running around with head cut off).

Most people when they get scared, and they don’t know how to, or remember to, inquire into their mind running the show….

….then begin to do everything possible to CALM DOWN.

Compulsion, addiction, temporary insanity, craving, urges, driven, wild, frenzied, wanting, needy, desperate, grabbing, crying, wailing, screaming, self-pity….

….oh boy.

The drama! The excitement!

And I know….the extreme suffering.

We can joke around about the experience of compulsive behavior, but it’s not really that funny if you’re in the middle of it.

I can even look back at my past life 30 years ago and feel sad that it was so hard.

(But I did question once “I ruined and lost my twenties” and found it was not true).

So who would you be without believing your mind is telling the truth?

I know this is an enormously huge question, and might make some a bit skittish.

(How will I know what’s true if I don’t have a mind? How will I protect myself if I don’t believe what I’m thinking? How will I be sane, or safe, if I don’t believe my stories?)

But it’s sooooo interesting and wonderful and exciting to imagine the freedom.

To notice you ARE the freedom.

Today, as it happens sometimes, not only was an individual client questioning thoughts about speaking up, but the Year of Inquiry group was as well.

We looked at the concept: “she shouldn’t have said that in front of everyone”.

I could find a situation immediately where a co-worker spoke up to our boss during a meeting, saying something about me I felt very embarrassed about….”Grace comes in late all the time, and makes lots of mistakes.”

She shouldn’t have said that.

I remember the feeling I had. The red hot face, the shame, the absolute rage at her later on.
Inside my head I was saying “I HATE HER!!!”
And to my friends, too.
Who would I be without the belief that co-worker so long ago shouldn’t have accused me, shouldn’t have said that?
Noticing how very safe I was, and supported. Noticing how kind our supervisor was, and clear. Noticing I never got fired, or reprimanded badly, and I got a raise later on and cleaned up my schedule and my too-speedy work.
She called me, in fact, to a more confident, clear, directed version of ME.
She should have said that.
 
Woah. True.
Turning the thought around again: I shouldn’t have said that.
 
The inquirer on our group call said “Well, I didn’t say anything!” So her examples were more about what she said to others, or said in her own mind, or said to herself.
But then we found a really juicy other turnaround, that very much fit in this particular situation: I shouldn’t have stayed quiet.
 
Who was believing, immediately, without question, that she was wrong, or being shamed, or being charged with a crime, or stupid, or hated?
That was ME.
The fear was immediate and burned deeply…..I am not good enough, she doesn’t like me, something terrible is going to happen, I can’t speak up.
None of these things were ever said out loud, at all.
Ever.
Just a few simple other words (which in my case were completely accurate).
If you’re the type of person who is too quiet, sometimes….
….you may want to explore why.
Perhaps it really WAS safer to stay quiet and not speak up (in which case, good for you for making a wise choice).
But if you’re still worried when someone confronts you, you may want to do some deep inquiring, and see if what you’re believing is actually true.
To practice living this turnaround today, I got this idea to do the webinar I mentioned.
It may not be perfect, I may fall over my words, I might not get my point across clearly, you might think my voice is dorky, the pictures or slides may not make total sense….
….but that’s what you risk when you speak up.
You risk having it go very badly (chuckling now).
Turning it all around in the most remarkable way to imagine the future without suffering:
I am willing to speak up and someone saying I shouldn’t have.
I look forward to speaking up and someone saying I shouldn’t have.
It could definitely happen.
“‘But Katie, someone might say, ‘isn’t fear biological? Isn’t it necessary for the fight-or-flight response? I can see not being afraid of a growling dog, but what if you were in an airplane that was going down–wouldn’t you be very scared?’ Here’s my answer: ‘Does your body have a fight-or-flight response when you see a rope lying on the path ahead of you? Absolutely not–that would be crazy. Only if you imagine that the rope is a snake does your heart start pounding. It’s your thoughts that scare you into flight-or-flight–not reality.”~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
If you’d like to join my webinar tomorrow, Wednesday at 5 pm Pacific Time, then click this link here to register (kinda proud of my art work creation webinar page registration, so much fun to learn).
Click Here To Register for Eating Peace (Thinking Peace) webinar.
Watch my introduction here:
Much Love,

Grace

Room for plenty more still, starting Friday, with 3 days of Eating Peace. Clean up your inside thoughts, clean up your eating. October 9-11, 2015. For more information, click here.

 

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I Have To Get Normal–And This Is Not It

Your great mistake: acting as if you are alone. Inquire with others, find freedom.
Your great mistake: acting as if you are alone. Inquire with others, find freedom.

Dear Grace…..I HAVE to change, but I haven’t figured out how, even though I’ve tried everything.

Dear Grace…..I’ve been told I could benefit from an inpatient program for “addiction” (in this case eating disorders), but I don’t think it will work.

Dear Grace…..I know there’s no magic bullet or pill or weekend workshop to end all my concerns and stressful behaviors, so why should I bother signing up for any program (like Eating Peace, or The School, or that meditation workshop)?

Dear Grace…..Are there going to be other people who are: my age, my behavior, my experience, my problems, my gender, my size, my shape, my religion, my background? Or will I be the only one like me?

I notice when I’m offering a time to gather together, especially a workshop like Eating Peace (this coming Friday, Saturday and Sunday 10/9-10/11) where we’re exploring the end of suffering especially around eating and investigating the internal world…..

…..people have many questions.

What I see them asking, at the deepest level, is this:

Dear Grace…..This is my story and it’s really painful. I’m afraid it will never end. I know coming to your retreat won’t save me, heal me, stop me, change me completely. But will it at least make a difference? Will it be worth it?

Have you ever felt this way about something you have a choice about?

I need it to be good (and good means: _____)

I need to NOT be bad (and bad means: _____)

What’s strange is, of course, there is absolutely no way to get any kind of solid, 100% confirmed, complete, guaranteed answer.

Ever.

How does anyone know to try something new, or different?

How does anyone decide Yes or No about a possibility?

A few years ago, I signed up for a program that cost a lot of money (according to me, it felt like a huge stretch) and travel time and planning.

Before I decided to sign up, I kept going back to the information presented online about the program, and reading about the founder and teacher, and re-reading articles and books by her.

It was offered every year, and I took a look for about 4 years in a row thinking “I should do this, I really want to see it for myself.”

What was the kernel of truth, the THING I really wanted, the spark of interest that stayed alive and afloat for all that time, that invited me to say “yes”?

It’s kind of undefinable in concrete terms, but I wanted to grow my feeling of feminine power and awareness and sensuality. I loved imagining FEELING pleasure, joy and self-love.

I had already done The School for The Work with Byron Katie quite a few years before.

This felt like a way to practice a turnaround about being thrilled to be alive, and being surrounded by supportive sisters (the program was for women only), and tapping into the joy of my unique life.

I wanted some examples of what it would look like to be living and practicing that turnaround.

My old stressful beliefs were “being female isn’t that great, sisters can hurt or compete with you emotionally, and joy is elusive.”

I knew those beliefs weren’t true.

I wanted to BE who I was without those thoughts.

However, I knew that once the program was over, I’d still be in the world with myself, in my own personal life, with my mind, feelings, soul, and unfolding steps.

And that’s what happened.

I participated in the program, and then it was over.

But I had tools and very solid examples of what this kind of energy looked like. I had pictures now of how I might open up to practicing the energy of whatever I felt “feminine power” was or “awareness” or “sensuality” or “pleasure” or “support” of other women especially.

I remember during that program I walked down the street one day by myself on the way to the morning session with the sudden question “what if right now, I experienced joy and felt every ounce of this body with gratitude?”

I walked into a Starbucks, to get the most fabulous drink that felt the most divine for my body, the most healthy and nurturing.

As I ordered my tea at the counter, the man said “pretty in pink!” and gave me a huge smile (I had on a pink shirt).

Everyone was smiling in the cafe.

People were happy walking their dogs on the morning sidewalks.

I thought “I adore New York City!!” (which is where I was walking).

Was it the program, or me…..

…..or a fabulous convergence of forces and energies all coming together at once.

Neither me, nor the program, nor the curriculum, nor the city is the “cause” of that moment.

It was all of it, joining together. Connected.

Does this mean it was “worth it”?

On the very last day of the School for The Work with Byron Katie over a decade ago, as I left the big conference room after our very last session, full of goodbyes, a staff person said to me….

….”Now is the real school. Your life.”

Gasp. All untethered? Without guidance?

But who was I in that moment without the story that this meant I had to do it all completely alone, that I was by myself, that I had to figure my whole life out independently from anyone else, or that I was not supported by the universe?

Who would you be without the beliefs that if you decide to join with something, anything at all….

….it HAS TO make a difference and I KNOW WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE!?!

Who would you be without the belief that you’re in charge?

Even with the simple act called doing The Work, or how about the simple act of eating (I know both do not seem so simple depending on your situation).

But what if you questioned your stressed out mind without expectation of the way it is supposed to look once you question it?

What I have found, over time, is when I do NOT know how something will affect my life, my behavior, my choices, my actions in a clear way….

….it’s actually a bit easier.

I let go of being The One who has to Know.

After my first School for The Work, I got a weekly partner and we kept questioning thoughts every Monday for two years.

All I need to know is that I hurt when I believe a whole novel of thoughts about a topic, and they’re all stressful.

When I inquire, I hurt less.

“You don’t need to figure anything out. You don’t need to see how it all fits together. All you need is to practice directing your attention to the life you want.” ~ Cheri Huber in What You Practice Is What You Have

Signing up for a program, a college course, a vacation, a class, a workshop, a date, a marriage, a retreat….

….what if you didn’t focus on the outcome, trying to make sure you won’t stand out, or trying to make sure you’ll be safe, or getting proof that you’ll be different (better) by saying yes?

All these are impossible to know.

What if you allowed yourself to join in simply because you’re curious? Because the way you’re doing it feels All Alone, and difficult?

Who would you be without the belief that you could make a mistake, or waste time or money, or fail at your plans to change?

I have no idea if I’m so different after my program in NYC all those years ago, but I love the story that keeps playing in my mind, the movie I get to watch, when I think about all the scenes and exercises and activities I was invited to do.

They still remind me to consider what it feels like to be responsible for my own joy in any given moment.

I could say it wasn’t “worth it” (I wondered sometimes after it was over) and I could have saved time and money NOT going.

But I can’t find that this is true, when I question it.

“Investigate all the beliefs that cause you suffering. Wake yourself up from your nightmares, and the sweet dreams will take care of themselves. If your internal world is free and wonderful, why would you want to change it? If the dream is a happy one, who would want to wake up? And if you dreams aren’t happy, welcome to The Work.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

If you’d like to enter the journey, even if you’ve started long ago, or taken it 1000 times, of questioning the beliefs that create suffering around food, diet, weight, failure, or your conviction that you must change (or else)….

….then Eating Peace is a 3 day opportunity to practice, learn, ask questions, find what’s really true for you, get a dose of quiet and insight that only you can really give yourself.

I have been down the long road of terrible suffering around food and eating, and it’s over now.

It has helped me immensely to consult those who have taken this journey and come out.

Now I can be that for you.

Someone wrote to me “I just want to get back to normal.”

Clearly seeing what you’re thinking that produces pain, the urge to eat weirdly, to rage at yourself, to be angry with your body or metabolism, to feel disappointment about food, to be upset with bread or despairing about sugar….

….and questioning these deep old thoughts is the fastest way I know to get to normal.

Whatever that is.

“Your great mistake is to act the drama as if you were alone…..Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the conversation…..Everything is waiting for you.” 

~ David Whyte from his poem Everything Is Waiting For You

Much love, Grace

P.S. Eating Peace is for those interested in peace, and those willing to look at war. Inner war, outer war. Inner peace, outer peace. To register or read more, click HERE. You don’t have to have any kind of disordered eating to attend, and if you do, you’re truly welcome.

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Don’t Be Careful, You Could Hurt Yourself

If you're too careful about what you say, you could hurt yourself
If you’re too careful about what you say, you could hurt yourself

Eating Peace 3Day Retreat is one week away. Room for more. Join me in this thrilling ride of ending wars with food, eating and body image. October 9-11, 2015. Northeast Seattle. Register HERE.

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I need to go easy on him.

Have you ever had that thought when you know you need to bring up something to somebody that you’re pretty sure they won’t like to hear?

Phew.

Feeling mixed about speaking up is very common for a lot of people.

Dangerous results come to mind. Like people getting really mad and running away, or lashing out.

When I was in my twenties I probably got the prize for being the most indirect, angst-ridden, nervous, unclear communicator when it came to dating and men that you’ve ever met.

Well, OK.

It maybe could have been worse.

And here’s the funny part. (Sort of funny, let’s put it that way).

If I didn’t speak, and let it build, and tried to make myself tolerate and NOT talk or say anything hurtful, guess what also tended to happen during those years when it came to communication?

Yep.

The complete opposite.

Slicing someone to shreds verbally on the inside. Being super bossy and controlling. Laying down the law.

I kind of hate to admit it.

The critical part was pretty mean. It mostly happened on the inside. I sometimes gossiped about people I felt scared of. I didn’t want to tell them to their face because I was super worried about hurting their feelings and pleasing them and remaining safe.

It took a lot for me to snap.

My most common way to snap?

Eating.

Since I didn’t let myself speak up to anyone, especially men, so I could avoid hurting their feelings……

…..I would go on these eating binges that felt like tornadoes.

It was like something clicked and I’d say “f*&K IT!” and stop controlling, suppressing, diminishing and squelching my own inner anger. In a mixture of panic, rebellion and fury, I’d eat everything in sight, or drive to find whatever food I damn well wanted.

I also smoked cigarettes, or drank beer or wine.

I was like a Rebel Beoch.

By myself in my own car driving around listening to loud music.

Finally telling the whole world off by expressing the inner energy like a fire storm.

When no one was looking.

(How was that workin’ for me? Um, not so hot actually).

The trouble with letting out energy sideways like that, it never gets directly resolved.

The truth was I felt the crushing experience of believing that Other People I Love could both hurt me, and be hurt by me.

I wanted everyone to be pleased with me so that I myself never got hurt, and never caused hurt.

In many ways, this is the sweetest, dearest, kindest most loving impulse…..way down deep inside the heart.

Do you see how innocent the impulse is to have no one, including me, ever feel frightened, abandoned, ashamed, or unworthy?

You have this inner impulse of gentle loving kindness, too.

But somewhere along the way, thank God, I discovered that being super careful not to hurt anyone had an obvious assumption for me under the surface:

That it was possible to be hurt (oh terrible), and that hurting must and can be prevented.

But here’s the bummer twist to the plot.

If it’s possible to be hurt and to cause hurt, AND you believe you can prevent it, then you’re in deep doodoo.

You have to be insanely careful.

In my situation with men and dating, I’d just not answer the phone if a guy was trying to reach me for a second date. Or I’d act super this-is-friends-only and pretend I didn’t hear if a guy made flirtatious remarks who I wasn’t really attracted to.

If you believe in getting hurt, you may have to “work” on yourself to make sure you quit acting so hurt. Or you may do everything you can to relieve the hurt, end the hurt, get rid of the hurt. You need to constantly learn techniques to fix the hurt, repair the hurt, and quit suffering about the hurt.

But you just can’t accept the hurt.

No way.

You gotta FIGHT it, SMASH it, DESTROY it, BURY it.

(Munch munch chomp swallow chomp munch smash chew crunch grind chomp).

But who would you be without your story about HURT?

This includes not only hurting when it comes to dating….

….but every kind of emotional fear of getting hurt, like with friends, family, kids, siblings, co-workers, bosses, neighbors.

Who would you be without the belief that you are capable of hurting just like you were hurt?

Without the belief that it means you are worthy of being hurt, if you were hurt?

Or that someone else is worthy of being hurt, if they hurt you (or hurt others)?

What if you didn’t have the thought that hurting is forever?

“There is only one problem, ever: your uninvestigated story in the moment.” ~ Byron Katie

For me, to question my beliefs about this world hurting me has been the most basic, deep mystery brought forth by The Work.

It seemed like the universe was unfriendly.

You know, those unfriendly situations? You know the ones I’m talkin’ about?

Bad stuff happens.

Who am I though, in this present moment, without that thought that hurting happens, that getting damaged is irreparable, or that it means the universe is not so nice?

Not denial, not sugar-coated, not making it look fine when it isn’t…..

…..this is really looking to see what is actually, genuinely true.

I keep finding, with the help of others and the support of life, that every time I believe I’ve been hurt, I’m carried or pushed or guided or pointed, however softly and subtly (sometimes intensely), to something different.

Something healing.

My disordered crazed eating brought me to seek help, which brought me to the wisdom of others who had healed before me, which brought me to looking deep within at my definitions of pain, history, family, love, parents, work, God, life and death.

Your suffering may have brought you here today, to read these words, because you are a lover of understanding life and reality.

You want to know the truth.

Me too.

I turn the thought around about that thing that hurt so horribly:

  • that experience healed me
  • I was not hurt
  • it did not mean I was deserving of the pain
  • there is no need to be careful here
  • I have not unforgivably hurt other people
  • I did not hurt myself permanently
Could these be just as true, or truer?
Remember, this isn’t denial.
It’s not condoning or believing yay, I got hurt or someone else got hurt.
It’s holding it all in one wide open expansive place, mysterious and unknown.
“If you can learn to remain centered with the smaller things, you will see that you can also remain centered with bigger things. Over time, you will find that you can even remain centered with the really big things. The types of events that would have destroyed you in the past can come and go, leaving you perfectly centered and peaceful. You can be fine, deep inside, even in the face of a deep sense of loss…..Ultimately, even if ‘terrible’ things happen, you should be able to live without emotional scars and impressions.” ~ Michael Singer in The Untethered Soul

Keep inquiring.

We’re getting it.

Can you feel what’s centered and peaceful, even with all the suffering you’ve gone through in your life?

If you can’t….don’t worry.

Inquire.

Nothing more required.

Much Love,Grace

P.S. Do you hurt yourself with food and eating? Eating Peace may be a wonderful experience for you. October 9-11, 2015.For more information, click here.

 

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Violent Thinking=Violent Feeling=Violent Acting

When you're afraid, and you believe it's all true, you may try to escape
When you’re afraid, and you believe it’s all true, you may try to escape

Eating Peace in-person 3 Day Immersion Retreat is coming October 9-11 in north Seattle or November 13-15 in Newark area outside San Francisco. (And I’ll teach it a third time Jan 22-24 here in Seattle again). Mental health counselors earn 32 CEUs.

This Grace Note isn’t just for people with eating issues….

….it’s for those of us who do weird things that don’t make sense, that seem out of integrity to our truest nature.

Things that hurt, or hinder, or damage, or diminish something in our experience.

After many years of eating wars and studying how to stop the insanity I experienced….

….and then working with clients one on one for over a decade….

….I discovered some very common themes and deep-seated fears people experience who don’t know how to eat in peace.

Many of these things are true for people who eat without trouble, but do OTHER things without peace.

I started with myself, of course.

When it comes to the way I ate, I remember it well.

It was a *horrible* way to live.

Overeating, binge-eating, emotional eating, over-exercising, getting up at 5 am, avoiding meals with friends and family, pushing, pushing, pushing…..

…..ugh, what a nut-case.

What a painful life.

I didn’t know how to solve my problem of war-like activity. Constantly, my solution was to find a special or perfect way to do different activity. A different diet, a different exercise routine.

What I didn’t know was that the way I ate was not really my problem.

It was a symptom (you’ve all heard this before, I know).

My actual problem was war-like hateful thinking and feeling.

But I couldn’t see it at the time. I always thought something was wrong with me.

Thank goodness for the teachers, helpers, and healers I encountered along the way.

And thank goodness for my extreme, horrendous, life-threatening behavior…..because it made me HAVE to look, instead of avoid looking year after year.

Eating is NOT the only way war manifests in peoples’ lives.

Which is why I’m talking about it in Grace Notes (rather than only on Eating Peace news or videos, and if you want to see Eating Peace videos, just update your subscription at the very end fine print).

But you may have noticed, people have so many other very agonizing activities they engage in regularly that they don’t really want to be doing…..definitely not just food and eating.

So let’s take a look at how to work with difficult feelings (that lead to such difficult behaviors).

My thoughts and feelings in the past were violent.

When you believe violent thoughts about yourself, about your past, about other people…..you’re scared.

You feel powerless. You feel angry. You feel hateful.

Sometimes you feel like you wish you were dead.

Sometimes you ream on other people and categorize others as evil and dangerous (you’re violent in your mind towards them).

Even if you NEVER have taken a bite of food in your life that was emotional rather than based on physical need…..

…..you probably have done something in your life that you really wish you hadn’t, later.

You may have experienced the feeling of self-criticism, sadness, discouragement, depression or shame.

Have you ever noticed that even when you know a ton of stuff about some topic it doesn’t matter sometimes how much you know?

You study about diet, or money, physical fitness, communication, relationships, business, health, success….

….but nothing really changes.

You still tank on the action becoming different.

You still yell at your kid, you’re still late, you still get super anxious, you still drink too much, you still spend a huge chunk of money outside of your budget, you still surf the internet for an extra two hours, you still worry, you still cheat on taxes, you’re out of integrity.

In Eating Peace we dive into the process of exploring how it happens that even with all the knowledge in the world about nutrition, diet, glucose levels, good-feeling foods, foods for your body type, cave-man diet, or mindful eating, or a getting a degree in medicine…..

…..you still eat when you aren’t hungry, or eat the foods you know don’t work well with your body.

I’m sharing this with you all (not just people interested in Eating Peace) because looking at stressful behaviors when you think you know better is seriously interesting.

And seriously disturbing and discouraging.

Doing something you’ve vowed not to do is also fairly common.

  • Why do I eat when I already know it ends in physical pain and I’m clearly not hungry?
  • Why do I spend money when I already decided I’m trying to save for that special thing and I want to do?
  • Why do I rip that woman to shreds in my head and decide to fire her without explanation?
  • Why do I fantasize regularly about my old boyfriend?
  • Why do I get all freaked out about the next steps in my career that are pretty obvious?
  • Why do I never sit down and finish that book proposal?
  • Why do I race from spiritual teacher to spiritual teacher and fifty retreats a year trying to find enlightenment?

When is enough, enough?

Why is it NEVER enough? (And like I said, this is not about only food and eating).

Well….heck…..

…..if I may be so bold to say: fear.

I think something, I am frightened, I believe it is true, I react.

There is no other possibility when I think what I believe is the truth.

But what if there was another way?

Another option?

“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind–you are the one who hears it.” ~ Michael Singer

Answer this question. Use your imagination for good (not to terrify yourself).

Who would you be without believing your fearful thoughts?

Who would you be if you captured what you were thinking before you overate, or bought something you don’t even really care about, or broke up with your partner, or got together with your old boyfriend, or drank wine, or smoked a cigarette, or started worrying?

Who would you be without your thoughts about life, other people, success, God, you, money, other people….or other people?

(Notice how I have other people in there a few times? I did that on purpose).

Get yourself in a place where you can take the time to question what you think.

It helps to get facilitated. It helps to have a mentor, or a guide, or a teacher.

Who would you actually be, what would you DO, how would you behave, if you knew you could somehow be with fear without DOING something about it (like eat) or believing it to be 100% true?

Question your thinking, change your life.

That’s not a small thing.

It’s huge.

If you notice you have difficult thoughts about food (and you don’t have to have an eating disorder, or be overweight, or obsess about diets all the time) then come to Eating Peace.

Mental health counselors earn 32 CEUs. Yes, that isn’t a typo. We stick together and stay engaged for many hours each day for a Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Even if we *think* it’s a big fat bummer and we need alone time and we have to go eat something ASAP or die.

You get to see if it’s really true.

Join me in this work I love.

Whether Eating Peace or another retreat–they’re all about the mind and feelings.

Question your thinking, and watch how you act and behave in the world simply change.

Without the violence of trying.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. One person cancelled yesterday, and one person signed up, so there’s ONE spot open in the 3 day weekend for ANYONE starting this Friday in simple Self-Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie. Dive into what scares, angers or saddens you the most about your life….and find freedom. Reply to this email if you want to join us in Seattle.

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Eating Peace: When You’re Craving and Nervous About Darkness, Do This

I am sooooooo happy to be back home after traveling for three weeks.

I missed sharing with you all and creating videos, but today I was inspired to consider “home”.

The feeling of being home used to be completely foreign to me when it came to food and eating.

You might have felt this, too.

But there’s a way to pause (and it may require less effort than you ever thought) and picture what’s light about the moment, rather than dark, scary or sad.

Watch here to see what I mean, and leave a comment to let me know what you think.

Lots of peace,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace is coming! A three day immersion in freedom from eating wars. October 9-11, 2015 north Seattle or November 13-15 near San Francisco. We begin Friday morning at 9:00 am. $347. Register HERE. If you need accommodation, there are 3 bedrooms in our retreat lodge.

 

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Eating Peace: One Simple, Brilliant Question To Ask If You’re Suffering

During the time 8-10 years ago when I was going through separation from my 15 year marriage, followed by divorce, I felt so lost and anxious.

I was questioning my thinking, meditating daily, and had great tools for finding support.

But I had a very hard time sleeping, and my thoughts would stir up a whole line of thinking about what I should do, could do, need to do.

I felt frantic. It seemed like my very survival was at stake. I could lose my home, my possessions, my stability (I already was).

And then a very dear friend texted me something.

She and I had many conversations about possibilities, and “doing” things and getting some sense of relaxation in my thoughts and prospects for work, and housing, money, security, or new love…..

….but this was a question that cut to the chase.

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Eating Peace: Three Treasures From The Tao To Use For Healing

The Tao Te Ching offers powerful wisdom from hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

Like many ancient texts and sacred writings, it speaks of something you can use, now, when it comes to seeking peace…..

…..even with food, eating, bingeing, obsessing, worrying or feeling despair about it all.

Watch here and leave a comment, or ask any questions, any time.

I suffered for years from bulimia, anorexia, binge-eating, overeating, starving, over-exercising and freaking out about food, eating and my body on a regular basis.

These three treasures appeared, although I didn’t know it, through helpers, support, and ultimately….

….I knew they were already built inside me.

They’re in you, too.

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Eating Peace: Why Would Being Happy About Yourself Right Now Be BAD For You?

There are a lot of ideas out there about how you should love yourself and be kind to yourself and care well for yourself, in order to be happy.

But rarely do we deeply consider why we would have this idea that being unhappy with oneself is a good thing.

What if you were happy with yourself as you are, at this weight, with your kind of eating patterns (no matter how terrible they’ve felt)?

What if the way you have been with food has been the best you can do, the best you’ve known how to do, until now?

What if instead of kicking yourself for eating, you could ask yourself why being happy right now would be bad for you?

Then really answer the question from the bottom of your heart, explore, notice what you believe, give yourself some patient consideration.