Events – Page 9 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

September 13, 2015

I Need Her To Like Me, And Stay

Upcoming in-person events:

Sept 19 Seattle Mini Retreat 1:30-5:30 at my cottage (4 CEUs)
Sept 20 Meetup 2-4 pm The Work of Byron Katie North Seattle
Sept 25-27 Seattle 3-Day Retreat (room for 3 more)
October 9-11 Eating Peace Seattle 3-Day Immersion Retreat
November 13-15 Eating Peace San Francisco area

Two more spots open in Year of Inquiry, the whole-year alive practice in The Work via phone/skype, recorded sessions, and an online private forum for sharing your work with a small group for a year with new topics each month.

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How would it feel to have no need for approval, love or appreciation....from that person who doesn't seem to be giving it to you? — How would it feel to have no need for approval, love or appreciation….from that person who doesn’t seem to be giving it to you?

Byron Katie says that seeking love, approval and appreciation from anything outside of yourself is one of the most painful experiences of suffering in the human condition.

She has said frequently to audiences that if she had only one prayer, it would be to NOT seek love, approval or appreciation from anyone.

I am sometimes astonished by the tendency of thought to entertain and hold ideas that have to do with this very thing.

I don’t think he likes me
what did she mean by that look (or that comment)?
she criticized me
he left me
he doesn’t understand me
I could get fired any day now
I did something wrong, or I could soon

Sometimes, when I look clearly and closely at this place of concern, it’s like there’s been a beacon on the top of my head, a huge search light scanning every relationship I’ve ever encountered.

This search light is scanning to make sure everyone around me is calm, relaxed, happy, secure, and enjoying themselves.

If they aren’t…..uh oh.

There’s a problem.

(Oh, and by the way…..if they are TOO calm, relaxed, happy, secure and full of joy then we might put them on up a pedestal, or we might be jealous of their good fortune or wonder how they got like that).

In any case, there’s a measurement happening, with this kind of thought pattern and awareness of how much love, approval or appreciation is coming in our direction.

Categorizing people into points on a scale for positivity, clarity, enlightenment, capacity to serve, how fun they are, and how well they connect with us.

And inside the gut, a childlike sense of worry.

Does that person like me? Do they approve of what I’m doing, or what I did? Do they appreciate what I’m like, or what I offer? Do they love me? Will they be kind?

Am I safe? Will I be abandoned?

Let’s take a look.

Find one person in your life who you’ve worried sometimes if they care about you, or love you, or approve of you or appreciate you.

Byron Katie found this energy rose with great intensity with her own mother.

Ahhhh…..mother.

If you want to go to a core place for learning about love, visit mom or dad in your inquiry.

Find a situation when you knew this person did not appreciate you, did not love you.

This can be done with anyone. Anyone who you think, in some disturbing situation, they didn’t like something about you.

Today, for some reason, more of a stranger comes to mind.

Someone I don’t know very well.

This woman left a retreat I was teaching.

She was brand new to The Work. I’m not even sure how she found the retreat. At the end of only the first day, she left a note reporting that another participant made her so uncomfortable, she couldn’t take it. She left after sunset, quietly without telling anyone else.

She was gone.

Other people were noticing an intensity with this same interesting person who was a part of this retreat. The woman who left was not alone.

I should have handled the group dynamic differently. I should have done a better job.

I can go to that moment, the one where I found out this woman left.

Come back! No! Don’t ditch out so quick! Wait!

And then, this voice–the one that seeks appreciation–came into form.

Even if I understand her reasons for leaving….she should trust me, let me help her, come to me for assurance.

She doesn’t trust me. She thinks I can’t do the job of creating safety for the group.

Is it true?

Yes. I could have done better. She was too new to self-inquiry. She’ll never come back. This isn’t good.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that she doesn’t true you?

No. I have no idea what she trusts or doesn’t trust.

I really don’t know.

How do you react when you believe someone doesn’t trust you?

How do you react when you think you should have done something different, so someone would stay with you?

This thought arises in love relationships all the time.

And remember mom? Or dad?

Did they ever show you the very same belief in living color?

Did mom or dad ever think you should trust them, but you didn’t? Did you ever think they should trust you, but they didn’t?

How do I react when I think someone is uncomfortable?

I might assume I’m responsible. Even the tiniest bit.

My mind races on how to make them more comfortable, how to help them calm down.

They should feel love, I should feel love, everyone should feel LOVE.

Whatever “love” is. We should all feel it.

So who would you be without the belief that anyone should trust you, ever?

Who would you be without the thought that someone should stay in your presence, stay at a retreat you’re leading, stay in the relationship you have with them, stay connected–whatever connected looks like or feels like, for you?

Huh.

Wow.

Without the belief that connection has been compromised, no matter what is going on? Even if people leave?

Without the belief that someone isn’t trusting me, and they should?

Without the belief that someone should like me, and they don’t?

Without the belief that I need anyone’s approval, or appreciation, ever?

Holy smokes!!

This is one of the most liberating feelings.

A feeling of going back to something extremely, deeply, impenetrably innocent.

A sense of being a child, or an angel, beyond this tiny human life I apparently inhabit.

Without the thought that it’s important for anyone to love me, I suddenly remember the feeling of expansive……well…..I could call it “love”.

A centered, warm, alive feeling deep in my entire torso.

I feel connected to everything. Connected to this moment, this presence right here.

The floor beneath my feet, the earth, this early morning kitchen, the light beginning to glow outside, the soft white couch, the lamp, the brown pillow, the waking up daughter coming in a putting her head on my shoulder for a moment to read what I’m writing.

Who would you be without the thought you need love?

Who would you be without the thought you need that woman from that retreat to remain present physically in the retreat and not leave?

I would feel laughter, acceptance.

People can come and go and do whatever they do.

They can like, or not like, things I say or write or do or express. They can resonate with what’s happening, or not, and do what they need to do, without my getting involved.

Turning these thoughts around:

I don’t trust myself. I don’t think I can do the job of creating safety for the group.
I don’t think I like myself
what did I make it mean with her look (or comment)?
she complimented me, I criticized her, I criticized myself
he did not leave me, I left myself, I left him
I don’t understand myself, or him, and he doesn’t understand me
I could never get fired, I could fire myself or fire this job
I did something right

Today with all these opposites, and holding the feeling in my heart and body of not believing the stressful need for love, approval or appreciation…..

…..I connect with whoever shows up around me.

Why would I need anything more, or different, than this? It’s almost absurd to care, without the belief that I need anyone’s appreciation, or love.

I even connect with whoever isn’t showing up right now, and people who have left and are far away, if they come to mind.

I trust the Universe, Reality, God, Source, Life to handle what’s going on around here.

And I don’t even have to trust it to handle anything….it is going the way it goes without me demanding anything, including approval.

“In order to be truly free, you must desire to know the truth more than you want to feel good. Because if feeling good is your goal, then as soon as you feel better you will lose interest in what is true. This does not mean that feeling good or experiencing love and bliss is a bad thing. Given the choice, anyone would choose to feel bliss rather than sorrow. It simply means that if this desire to feel good is stronger than the yearning to see, know, and experience Truth, then this desire will always be distorting the perception of what is Real, while corrupting one’s deepest integrity.” ~ Adyashanti

What I notice in Reality is people coming and going. People feeling whatever they feel towards me, and towards themselves. Me feeling whatever I’m feeling towards others, towards me.

It changes and flows like breath, in and out, like the tide, like day and night.

Love, approval or appreciation is Here, then Not Here.

Contact then no contact.

Leaving and staying.

Remembering and forgetting about the woman who left the retreat leaving a note and slipping away after sunset.

Trusting her to take care of herself perfectly for where she was, where I was, what was required in reality.

Who would you be without your story that appreciation, or approval from someone, or trust, or love is required for you to feel good?

Laughing. Crying. Being. Silent.

Filled with appreciation, approving of this room and this brilliant moment, loving being a little battery buzz of life force doing whatever this thing does called Grace.

Much Love, Grace

September 8, 2015

Socrates, Byron Katie, and Rowing Your Boat

This is the first week of Year of Inquiry.

Words can’t describe how happy I am to be back to doing The Work with a small group of people who desire freedom from believing their stressful thoughts.

If you’re interested, you can plunk down a full fee for the year and call it done–you’re making time for yourself for slowing life down and questioning the mind and the way it thinks everything is true. You can also pay monthly.

All I know is….thank God (whatever you see as this mystery) for The Work and for the simplicity of the way Byron Katie formatted and came up with her process of questioning.

Self-inquiry has really been around for centuries, perhaps thousands of years.

OK, probably since humans and minds and thought have existed.

There have been questions.

Why? How? What is this for? Where are we? What do I do? Where do I go? What does this mean? Who am I? Who are you?

Socrates, the great philosopher who lived almost 2,500 years ago became known for his method of inquiry. He loved stimulating discussions in the form of questions and answers and debate.

He loved circles and seminars and people gathering together to discuss and ponder these great questions about the world, about humanity, about life and whatever is beyond life–he wanted to understand the truth, whatever this might be.

Socrates, in fact, realized along the way that he didn’t really “know” anything.

A friend of his even asked the wise Oracle of Delphi (the priestess who could answer great questions) if there was anyone wiser than Socrates.

The Oracle answered “no”.

Socrates believed the answer was a sort of paradox, because he was discovering that he really knew nothing in the end, absolutely.

He felt he was not wise at all.

And that in this knowing was actually great wisdom.

Isn’t it amazing to think that if you don’t know the answer to something about your life, or about anything, this may be the most wise position you could take?

Even if it’s difficult and agonizing at times?

Socrates began to test out the idea of wisdom by asking all the great people of Athens–including politicians, poets, artists–what they thought of the Oracle’s pronouncement that no one was wiser than he, and what they thought “wisdom” meant and who had the deepest or truest answers.

What became clear was that no one knew what the answer was.

They might think they were wise and knowledgeable, or they might not, but their opinions didn’t really matter.

In the end, no one knew.

Life was a mystery. A great contemplation. Full of pain and full of joy, full of life as well as death.

Since Socrates knew that he didn’t really “know” anything absolutely, he concluded and laughed that the Oracle must be right–because most other people felt they DID know the truth, and therefore they had blind spots and anger and suffering.

Socrates, as you may well know, was put on trial for corrupting the youth of Athens and of not believing in the Gods.

It was in his trial that he uttered the famous quote “I know that I know nothing.”

It is told that at his trial, he was asked what he thought his punishment should be, for being so influential and defying the status quo and not seeing anyone or anything as all-knowing, even himself.

Socrates said his punishment should be free dinners for life and a wage paid by the government.

I guess he had a sense of humor, too.

He was found guilty and put to death.

I love the Socrates story, although some would see it as quite tragic as many legal acts have been throughout human history when people defy the system and appear to be threatening.

But he was not willing to step down for the sake of saving his own life and speaking what the politicians and rulers wanted to hear.

He even may have been interested in death, certainly not afraid of it.

He was certainly willing to see how things unfolded, while continuously saying what was true for him–that he didn’t know what was really true.

Today, my thought is that we have greater capacity to be with the unknown.

Sort of.

What I mean by that is….it’s far more acceptable, and obvious sometimes, that we really don’t know why we are here.

We don’t know what created us precisely, we don’t know when we’re going to die, we don’t have answers for specifically why we were born.

Even if you believe in God or use the word God (which I love, personally) and have a religion, you know it’s a mysterious force.

Our lives are really very mysterious.

This process of questioning is very mysterious.

And yet, we as inquirers are willing to enter the mystery, most of us.

We’re sooooo curious.

We are willing to consider that we may not have answers to our “problems” and we might not even know how we got into this pickle we’re in, if we’re in a pickle (most of us are at some point, right)?

All of us have our dilemmas, and our thoughts about what needs to happen in order for us to be happy.

Or what we’re missing, or what we need to be worried about.

Our minds are so brilliant, they move so quickly, we don’t even catch our thoughts most of the time.

Things happen in our environments, and we decide almost instantly what these things mean.

We react.

Which is where The Work comes in as a brilliant tool.

When my reaction is stressful…..I know what to do.

Question my thinking. Ask if it is true? Ask who I would be without this thought?

And what I have found over time, is that when things happen, and I question them deeply with the four questions known as The Work of Byron Katie, I see what happened before differently.

More openly.

I see what happened with curiosity. I wonder.

I may even have appreciation and fascination, rather than horror.

And then what happens?

Wow, this is the most wonderful thing, and why I continue to inquire into the meaning I put on life and relationships and all things…..

…..because what happens after inquiry is the next time something similar occurs I have a different reaction.

I simply do not react so quickly.

I remember that I don’t know what I think I know. I’m aware that my thoughts are not absolutely true, I don’t have the complete and total “truth” and the full picture.

I react maybe with laughter. I respond with greater peace, and less anxiety.

Without even planning it.

I begin to see things as more mysterious, more full of unknowns, and I’m somehow willing to stay there without certainty, not because I’m trying to stay there, but because I REALLY AM UNCERTAIN!

Today someone shared that on Byron Katie’s facebook page there was this quote:

“The moment you project what’s going to happen, it costs you your life.”

I can so relate.

I have many thoughts about what might happen. I think about what might happen in an hour, or later this evening. Pictures flash through my head about what might happen next week, or in ten years.

I have thoughts all the time like….

I have to get A done and B done before C (and C is critically important)
My kid needs D or else E
My relationship isn’t working because F
If I don’t change G then my life will look like H in the future
I need more J
I need less Q
This isn’t good
This is fantastic (yes I included this one because believing it can be very stressful and make you grabby, right?)
I know what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong and I must implement it

What if instead of believing any of it is true (if you pause and ask if what you’re thinking is true, and walk through the four questions, you may find you can’t believe it) you are open to Not Knowing?

What if you trusted, somehow, that your answers may not be the complete package?

What if instead of your ideas, and being the one responsible (it’s quite a burden) you let go of having to figure it out and you let the world surprise you?

Because that’s what I find, almost every time I question my stressful thinking.

Life starts having a sweet flow, like I’m on a rowboat without oars and I’m floating down a gorgeous stream.

OK. I admit, sometimes the stream becomes a wild chaotic waterfall and it feels like it’s an emergency. Not so gorgeous, OK.

However, if I then question the emergency of going over waterfalls, and dying, and I find that even Death is not necessarily what I think is true about it….

….even these hard times I notice become soft again.

Even “death” is just a thought.

Without answers, without really knowing what it is until I get there.

All of this doesn’t mean I don’t take action, and move to another room when it’s really loud in this one, or run away if someone’s coming at me with a knife.

Maybe that’s the way of it. Running occurs.

But it does seem like less frantic running ever happens, now that I do The Work.

I am surrounded by amazing people who love to contemplate their thinking, and see what happens, and report in to each other the way things change and move.

Astonishing and inspiring events occur, in the mystery of all this, when gathered in a group of inquiring people (and when gathered in a group of non-inquiry people, for that matter).

That’s why I’m so happy to begin with everyone tonight, and many days every month, with schedule inquiry time.

I get to hear what happens in their lives, what they are learning, how things shift.

Sometimes the shifts are big, sometimes very small and subtle.

People don’t even always catch how things are changing in their lives with inquiry.

But you can see it by staying steadily in inquiry over time, especially if you’re with other people also doing inquiry.

You can see the magnificent, quiet, beautiful silence of Not Knowing that begins to enter someone’s life and allow them to relax.

Some close friends of mine call me an Energizer Bunny.

At “worst” (we could question worse/better/bad/good of course), I am a huge over-achiever, driven, compulsive, fast, kind of crazed about the process of “doing” and thinking and understanding once and for all.

Heh heh.

But at best I am in deep service to Silence and coming over and over to the conclusion that my thoughts do not have the answers and that I am clearly not calling the shots or in control.

It’s hilarious really.

This wonderful wild balance of being alive and participating in the middle of an incredible Life Force of Reality.

Undefinable.

Being comfortable with Not Knowing is the greatest experience I could ever practice.

I get to practice every single day.

And what I see is that The Work becomes a way of life.

It becomes steadily alive in the background of everything to wonder if what I’m seeing is real, or true, and to open up to new possibilities and new thoughts.

Wow.

This is the exciting place, where fresh new insights happen. Where very thrilling creative ideas come along, never before encountered.

Doing The Work with a group over a long period of time (like a whole Year, for example) allows me personally to see the change, the shift, the wonder of humanity and the way waking up happens.

It happens in a pace that’s just right for you, for me.

Sometimes it feels troubling, for sure. Sometimes it feels as expansive as if you just found out you can fly, and you didn’t know it until today.

I love remembering what Byron Katie suggests today in her awesome quote (that I’m grateful someone pointed out to me on facebook a few hours ago) that it costs me my life when I project what will happen into my day, or week, or year.

Instead, I can be with the opposite of all my thinking, and then…..

…..beyond the opposite and into Not Knowing.

Then, this is what becomes possible and true:

I do not have to get anything done and nothing is critically important
My kid does not need me, and his/her path is OK for him/her
My relationship is working just right, and it will change when it’s required
If I change, or don’t change, my life will look incredible in the future
I do not need more of anything
I need less thinking/believing my thinking
This is good
This is fantastic and it’s fine if it goes away–in fact, it will change
I do not know what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong and I am not implementing anything alone

Doesn’t that feel a little lighter?

Isn’t all this just as possible as the stressful thinking?

Flip flop into duality and two sides and opposites of everything, that’s what mind and thought can do.

Really, it’s pretty genius.

Who made all this up?

Oh. Right.

Just like Socrates discovered thousands of years ago, and many wise people afterwards, and Byron Katie in the 1980s…..

…..I don’t know.

Is this good news for you, or bad news?

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.” ~ English nursery rhyme

Doing The Work is the rowing. It helps Not Knowing become very, very good news.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. Year of Inquiry starts today at 5 pm Pacific with the very first phone call. We’ve also got one tomorrow, then Thursday, then Friday. It’s the beginning of a wonderful year of tapping into the power of a group, and structured time for your inquiring life. Won’t you join me gently rowing down the stream?

September 4, 2015

Heaven Comes Into View After I Did The Work

Heaven comes out of the pages of your work and into your world — Do The Work in your journal, notice heaven within, notice heaven all around…..home again.

I have to admit it.

I haven’t done The Work in writing in almost 3 weeks, until today.

And let me tell you, questioning stressful thought on paper is stunning.

I’ll tell you about it in a minute, but first…..

…..I can’t wait to start questioning thoughts that create suffering again with Year of Inquiry folks next week.

Everyone enrolled will receive an email from me with all the dial-in information on Monday.

You’ll have four time choices to come on board and do The Work–and yes, this will be your opportunity almost every single week for the entire year. (The last week of every month we generally don’t meet, so we can breathe, connect with our facilitation partners if we have them, digest, and….notice what it’s like WITHOUT inquiry).

The best way to stay in touch with the experience of inquiring into my sadness, irritation, anger, resentment or fear about anything in life is to have some scheduled regular consistent time to do it.

In Year of Inquiry, that’s what we’ve got together: Tuesdays 5 pm Pacific, Weds noon PT, Thursday 9 am PT, Fridays 10 am PT.

Come to one, or come to all.

Me? I’ll be at all of the inquiry sessions every single week, since I’m the organizer…..

…..and since, for some odd reason, life has unfolded so that this person called Grace Bell gets to do The Work a lot, and not quit.

I never planned this.

But because I have this role in life, doing The Work and being so deeply interested over and over again in questioning thought….

….there’s a freedom about being here as a human being that is brilliant and wild and truly astonishing that I always, always had but couldn’t see before (even though it was always there).

I created Year of Inquiry because I can hardly believe how helpful, how life-changing, doing The Work became for me over ten years ago, when I dipped my toe in the water.

And lately, like I said, I have NOT been doing The Work with pen and paper for nearly 3 weeks.

Yes, not one time of sitting down, writing out my thoughts, and considering what’s happening in my mind that’s affecting my actions, behavior, mood, connection with my environment or connection with silence in the rich, slow way offered by The Work.

There’s Good News and there’s Bad News about the way life’s gone without doing The Work daily, as I usually do when I’m living in the same place every day.

(I’ve been traveling for 3 weeks and my computer crashed, and my cell phone has spotty wi-fi reception and I didn’t bring a notebook or journal and I’ve been very busy seeing important things….and who knows what other excuses I can list all very legitimate).

I’ll start with the Bad News.

Because that’s where The Work starts.

We’re not trying to be positive or happy-happy or stiff-upper-lip or getting a new technique that will be The One that works for all time to allow us to be wonderful amazing productive successful people, like we always dreamed to be.

No.

The Work starts with the juicy, sometimes ugly, chaotic and wild beliefs passed on from generation to generation through being a human being and having a mind and the capacity to think, and feel.

The Work starts with feeling.

Feeling bad. Feeling upset.

And then, instead of trying to smash down, or get away, or escape, or go to war with the reality of this discomfort–sometimes heart-breaking agony–we wait.

We slow it way down.

We get to investigate what’s being “thought” and concluded and assumed. We get to identify the ideas and pictures and the feelings we carry within from experiences or interactions that feel threatening or difficult.

The way I always was before The Work is I noticed life and people and difficulties, and I thought what I was thinking was True.

Something terrible just happened. This is bad. It could happen again.

It hurts.

Quick, do anything and everything to make it not hurt. Make it go away. Please, make it go away.

Before I had The Work and knew what to do with stressful thinking, I was on a quest to feel better and end my suffering and I wanted angels, guides, wise mentors, a zap of lightening to the head, awakening, transformation, God, magic.

Anything to end the pain.

With The Work I see myself as having a spark of every single one of these qualities. It’s like I am my own guide, and I take me with myself everywhere I go.

Even if I am thousands of miles from my “home” (my home is really everywhere and nowhere) and I don’t know the people around me (not actually required or true, everyone is so beautiful and fascinating, and human).

These qualities of angelic guidance, wisdom, lightening zaps, awakening, transformation, God and magic are within me and available to me any time by becoming silent, slowing down, questioning what I’m thinking, asking if what I’m believing is really true.

They are available to me by doing The Work.

You have these qualities, too.

I cannot tell you today how happy I am to be able to borrow another computer (since mine crashed on Day #2 of this long journey) and sit down and do The Work.

I had thoughts zooming through. Stressful ones.

(You probably notice how fast the mind is….faster than the speed of light!)

My mind was giving me some Bad News.

Thoughts like “my son is going to get lost walking through the night-time dark streets of London to meet up later” or “my daughter is going to fall and hurt herself” or “when I get home, I need to get a regular job because this volatile income I can’t take anymore” or “the people staying in our house hate us because the dishwasher broke” or “they owe us because they broke the dishwasher!” or “the world is so full of human beings, what are we all doing here?” or “the weather is crap” or “traveling is overrated” or “I wanna go home.”

Now, because I have gotten to sit down and get quiet and spend time with my thoughts, I’m remembering the joy inquiring brings.

I’m remembering at a deep level the peace beyond all beliefs.

Being human means, apparently, I carry along a mind full of thoughts about everything I notice around me.

Which brings me to the Good News.

Remember I said there was some Good News?

The Good News about NOT doing The Work daily while traveling?

The good news is that in this moment AFTER doing The Work and questioning my very stressful beliefs, I have the most intense, deep, moving appreciation for investigating my thinking, and for this brilliant, powerful mind that goes along with me everywhere.

Here’s what I have found in my turnarounds today as I’ve taken time out to sit quietly:

“My son is going to be found walking through the dark nighttime streets of London to meet us later” and “my daughter is going to fall and then heal” and “when I get home, I already have an irregular job (facilitating The Work) and I CAN take it” and “the people staying in our house do NOT hate us because the dishwasher broke” or “no one owes me anything, hooray” and “the world is so full of human beings, it’s amazing we’re all here” and “the weather is gorgeous” and “traveling is just traveling” and “I am home, always.”

I notice how when I do The Work and I feel what it’s like without my stressful thoughts, and I find turnarounds, my thoughts all blend together and connect and expand.

I sink into a smile.

I am so, so grateful for The Work after noticing a pile-up of thinking without entering it more deeply.

It is no small thing to come across this simple way to question suffering.

Suffering appears to happen. Life bumps us up against hardship, physical pain, destruction, fear, confusion, and death.

There is no getting away from any of it.

But with The Work, I remember over and over again (just like I have today) that it doesn’t matter if I believe I can handle the suffering or not…..

…..I notice the truth is, I do.

If you’re here, you’ve handled it too.

Even if you think “that was too much, I’m too screwed up, it’s too painful, I can’t take it anymore” you can and you are.

You are amazing, really.

We all are.

The mind is busy, running on, doing it’s job of protecting and trying to understand and control the environment…..

…..and life unfolds as it does.

I notice my thoughts sometimes go to visions of bad events, or terrible things happening. My feelings sometimes move to sadness or terror.

But something brilliant and wild, beyond all thought, is at work.

Doing The Work, I realize for the thousandth time today, allows this mind to slow down, to rest, to Not Know what’s true.

It allows me to feel the Silence Present here where I sit (which happens to be rocking gently on a barge on the River Thames in London, England).

I remember, with The Work, that I have no idea what’s going to happen today. I can make a few educated guesses, but really, I have no idea.

With The Work, this is great news instead of alarming news.

The difference is so incredible, it’s hard to put into words.

All I know is, last night I was thinking “traveling is hard, expensive, pointless, tiring, scary.”

And now I’m open to the turnarounds “traveling is easy, priceless, expansive, restful, loving.”

It was my thinking that was hard, expensive, pointless, tiring and scary.

I even remember that traveling is wonderful, and not traveling is also wonderful.

It doesn’t really matter.

The most exciting traveling happens internally with The Work. It’s an exploration of the whole world of suffering and peace.

I hope you’ll join me for steady inquiry throughout a whole year, to learn, grow, rest, access silence and Not Knowing, refine your life journey no matter what age, circumstance or situation(s) you’re in.

I can’t wait to get started, and get back to regular inquiry again with others.

My appreciation after this gap in practicing The Work is bigger than ever.

If you know you’d also love the structure of group support and scheduled inquiry time, check out the Year of Inquiry (link below) and get ready for the greatest adventure ever (you won’t need to physically go anywhere, unless you come to our retreats in Seattle).

With The Work, I discover peace to be possible in every kind of place, in every situation. You don’t need to travel in the way I’ve been traveling, or do anything special, or find the golden key.

You question your stressful thinking, you Un-Believe the way you see your life, other people, and your world.

Your inner life becomes the Greatest Adventure on Earth.

Wow.

“So, how do you get back to heaven? To begin with, just notice the thoughts that take you away from it. You don’t have to believe everything your thoughts tell you. Just become familiar with the particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness. It may seem strange at first to get to know yourself in this way, but becoming familiar with your stressful thoughts will show you the way home to everything you need.” ~ Byron Katie

Will you join me back at home, your home you carry everywhere but may sometimes miss due to stressful thoughts?

It may sound a little crazy, but all you need is a pen, paper, and to answer four questions.

What you discover can become your new world. Heaven right here on earth.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. Year of Inquiry starts on September 8th and you can attend once a week, twice a week, three times a week or four times a week. You can listen to the recordings. You can skip whole weeks altogether. I’ll work with you up to four times individually during the year, you decide when you need your individual sessions.

You do YOI your way. I create the scaffolding, you clean up your thinking at your own pace, what’s right for you.

P.P.S. You are awesome.

August 15, 2015

Inquiry Helps A Decision Make You

People have written, called, emailed…..and one lovely woman in a rain-covered jacket knocked on my door yesterday, in person, to hand me her registration for Year of Inquiry.

I love this.

How sweet to connect with others this way.

I was reflecting last night on the words “deadline” and “early-bird”.

So boring really. Frequently used when people are offering things for purchase or registration or sale or trade for some kind of financial number.

I suddenly remembered the etymology (the origin) of the word deadline. I looked it up a couple of years ago.

What a drastic word, right?

It was invented during the Civil War in the United States, around 1864, when guards were instructed to shoot and kill anything that moved over a do-not-cross line. Prisoners trying to escape.

Hmmmm.

This is not the intention, energy, feeling or sentiment within me when it comes to saying today is the day to make a decision (in this case about Year of Inquiry, although you might have another kind of decision in your life that you call “deadline”).

Will it mean the death of your opportunity, if you don’t decide on yes or no right now?

Unlikely.

I used to feel dreadful about decisions. Agonizing about them. Making lists of pros and cons. Thinking about the risk, the loss, the gain, the advantage, the future.

But sometime after I found The Work and self-inquiry, I heard Byron Katie talking about the concept “I need to make a decision.”

And how it wasn’t true.

Then I heard Adyashanti (another favorite teacher I’ve spent time with) and HE questioned the concept “I need to make a decision.”

And how it wasn’t true.

I wrote down this concept so it was right in front of me in words.

Because I thought at the time, almost ten years ago, that I needed to make a decision about the request from my then-husband about whether or not to get divorced.

Then I did The Work, rather than “try” to make a decision.

Who would I be without the belief “I have to make this decision” or “I need to” or “I must”?

So much lighter. So much more natural.

Noticing I felt worried, but I just plain did not know yet.

Turning this concept around to try it on the opposite way…..“I do NOT need to make a decision”.

I kept noticing how this was also true, more true.

Despite those advisors who suggest “not making a decision IS a decision” (say this in a slightly parrot-like voice for effect).

Whatever.

I notice, if it’s right for me (even if it feels scary or sad or mixed) then at the fork in the road, I turn right. It it’s left for me, I turn left.

If I really don’t know, I sit down at the fork in the road and stay awhile, until something moves me.

I find without the thought that a decision needs to be made, in my own business work when organizing and creating Year of Inquiry, a much more spacious, moving, open……even feminine way of gathering a group to join together appears.

It’s powerful, and mysterious and unknown as well.

Powerful does not mean lazer-focused and sharp like a sword.

Or deadly like a deadline.

I have done The Work on business practices and what you are “supposed” to do when you provide a service for others, and what practices should look like (based on recommendations by business experts) when you’re running a business.

They are just not always true.

Who would you be today without the belief that you need to know right now what to do, in any situation presenting itself in your life as an invitation?

If you don’t know, you can wait. Mull. Reach out. Have a conversation. Mull again. Analyze. Jump!

My favorite turnaround of all when it comes to stressful beliefs about decisions is this one: A decision needs to make me.

I notice the direction my joy travels. I watch the way my pleasure moves. I open up to what is happening right here, now.

I trust that what is best for me, the highest good, is unfolding perfectly, in the right timing for me, for you, for the world.

“You are the wisdom you’re seeking, and inquiry is a way to make that wisdom available whenever you want…..You can’t have an up without a down. You can’t have a left without a right. This is duality. If you have a problem, you must already have a solution. The question is, Do you really want the solution, or do you want to perpetuate the problem? The solution is always there. The Work can help you find it.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you want to investigate a problem, a decision, your solution, your life, your mind….I am here as a facilitator for your work, which becomes our work and my work.

And if you’re signing up for Year of Inquiry, or another 8 week class (scheduling soon) or the new business building class I will be starting this year (also to be determined when)…..

….your work becomes the group’s work, and others also support you in your enlightenment.

You can sign up for Year of Inquiry here, and remember if you need more time to gather your thoughts and discover your own decision, that is the way of it, the way it is.

Nothing will die.

Until it does.

Retreat: September 25-27, 2015, here in Seattle (we start 9:30 am Friday and end 5 pm on Sunday).

If you’re doing telesessions only, the first week begins Tuesday, September 8th.

Click here for Year of Inquiry full program with retreats in Seattle

Click here for Year of Inquiry TeleSessions Only

If you need a payment plan for the year, now’s the time to ask. I will make it work for you if this is the work you want to do.

Much love,

Grace

August 14, 2015

The Easiest Way To Not Believe Everything You Think (and signing up for YOI)

I’m so excited to see who is enrolling in Year of Inquiry.

I feel like I’m meeting the remarkable group who will be joining me for an intimate year in looking into reality.

We’re interested in seeing what is really true, and what isn’t, and practicing using imagination and awareness of what is present to see more clearly.

Recently in a group I was facilitating something happened which happens ALL THE TIME.

An inquirer read her worksheet in our telesession and we began to do The Work.

I asked her the four questions, starting with “Is it true?” (I love that question).

Everyone who could relate closely to this very same stressful thinking shared their own experience, and when we got to the turnarounds, the woman who started the inquiry on her stressful situation was stumped.

“I have no idea how I could turn this thought around, I can’t find an example.”

I asked everyone on the call if they could find anything, an example that might fit.

Someone found an example from a friend’s life.

Then someone else found another example from their own life.

Someone else then said they had an example that she could find that might work for the inquirer’s life, based on what the inquirer had shared about her situation.

When we were done investigating and looking at all the turnarounds, the person who had started with her terribly stressful situation, her worksheet, her despair…..

…..shared the thing that happens all the time.

“I would have never found these possibilities, if it had not been for all of you on this call. Thank you soooooo much. I think I’ve made a crack in this belief system. I can see how closed I was to any other option. I really couldn’t have done this on my own, sitting here doing The Work by myself in my living room.”

I can relate.

When I was doing The Work by myself, I wanted to hit the road doing something else ASAP.

Just whiz by and feel lighter.

The last thing I wanted to do was sit with something agonizing, or horrible, or sad.

This morning an inquirer who has been in Year of Inquiry for the entire year (we were all saying goodbye this morning) shared that she was woken up at 7 am by a phone call from work, asking that she respond immediately.

(It involved someone speaking Russian with such a thick accent, she could barely understand the request).

She did all she could for her job, but then said…..

……”Excuse me now, I have an important meeting on the phone.”

Our YOI call.

She shared with us how she’s learned that inquiry is top priority, her most important work.

It trumps everything else.

She shared that even if she wanted to keep working and handle that apparently critical issue, it was more critical that she was here, with us on our phone call.

The most important thing I do in my life is question my stressful thinking.

Only this changes my suffering, in the most efficient, direct way.

Yes, hard things still happen.

Scary, sad, surprising things. Things I sometimes think I can’t handle.

But with inquiry, I understand it is the way of it.

I am a human being having a life, feeling what its like to be a truly free human.

Knowing this in the end…..that all is very well indeed, no matter what I’m thinking.

Because I don’t have to believe everything I think.

It’s all going the way it goes, anyway, no matter what I think, right? I may as well enjoy the ride.

If you’re joining Year of Inquiry, you’re in for a treat (I sure am).

Tomorrow’s the early-bird registration deadline. I know a lot of you are about to say “yes” and I am so honored. I bring my deepest love, creativity and ever-evolving way of working with mind to this new year.

It will be a good one. We’ll do new things, we’ll try new ways.

Below are buttons to sign up for 2015-2016 Year of Inquiry (sorry for those of you who have been trying on my web page). Hopefully this makes it easier! I’m a goofball with the links sometimes!

If you’re new and haven’t yet filled out the Q & A application form, so I can get to know you, please do so right here.

And welcome aboard.

Click here for Year of Inquiry full program with retreats in Seattle

Click here for Year of Inquiry TeleSessions Only

If you need a payment plan for the year, now’s the time to ask. I will make it work for you if at all possible.

Much love,

Grace

August 9, 2015

Two Things To Do When Something Is Too Expensive

Why is Year of Inquiry (YOI) so expensive?

Someone wrote and asked me this a few days ago.

Or, well, actually her friendasked this question when they were on a walk.

A month ago, someone wrote “that’s the cheapest one-year group program I’ve ever heard of, do you have money issues?”

Hilarious, right?

Well….I notice a few thoughts appearing on the horizon, ready for inquiry.

After both of these emails within one month, I thought….

….maybe I better talk about money.

Yikes.

Do I have to? (No, no money issues here, nope. No-siree).

I loved getting these two questions, though, because….

a) I’ve had so many stressful beliefs about money and things being expensive in this world, or too much for me….

….and I’ve had so many equally stressful thoughts about how I shouldn’t be charging, or this weird guilt for requesting compensation for a service or expertise throughout my life in both jobs and business….

….and also….

b) I realize, some of you might appreciate knowing the thought and research that’s gone into the fee so it supports the program running and isn’t so low you hardly care about participating if you join and I have to go get another job on the side.

I’m starting with (b) first.

You might think because it’s easier…..but it’s because it’s harder.

I’d prefer to skip this part.

Share my research?

I confess, I often squirm when talking about money. It took me about three years just to feel comfortable charging $50 for one hour-long session. When the going rate for counseling and coaching was at least double that. Or triple.

Seriously. Even though I’ve paid close to $50,000 for my own training and graduate education. Gulp.

So, here’s what I’m aware of when it comes to (b) and why the fee is the way it is, or how the decision got made.

Looking at costs of programs in personal awareness, stress reduction, inner freedom, meditation or mindfulness (the topics of Year of Inquiry)….

When I was in therapy I went to see my therapist once a week. I had parents who took a loan to help me pay for it. I might have died without their help.

The same therapist’s fee is $125 per session today (I’d tell you what my parents paid but I actually can’t remember, it was 20+ years ago). That’s a middle-range fee for a therapist where I live. Lots of them charge more.

After a time of individual sessions, I entered the same therapist’s group therapy program, $370 per month 20+ years ago. Health insurance paid for part of it. I had a job and paid for the rest.

It was as much as my monthly apartment rent.

When I was in a coach training program, I had a personal coach.

The normal fee for a coach–having conversations about life, goals, meaning, focus and success–was $700 per month, for 4 one hour sessions. No insurance paid for it.

In the 1980s I attended the “est” program. I don’t remember the fee.

But I signed up to repeat the program last year, just to see what had changed and because I love deeper inquiry. The program was $575 for 3 days for newcomers (even though it had been almost 30 years, I got it a half price). The Advanced program was $875 for 3 days plus optional follow up meetings for 10 weeks.

Transformational programs that I’ve taken, including Byron Katie’s 9 day school, are over $5000. For nine days.

Many spiritual retreats with teachers I find full of integrity, care, and love are $1000 for five days at the very least. I know some of that goes to accommodations and food, but that’s the price to go on the retreat. You need to pay it all, you can’t sleep in your tent.

A fabulous sounding leadership program I was reading all about only a few weeks ago has three 3-day retreats, that’s it. No telephone sessions in between, no private sessions one-on-one. The fee is $7900 for the year.

An online mindfulness program lasting 10 weeks, with 10 weekly telecalls, and one 6 hour online retreat for all the participants I looked at six months ago was $1600.

Business support related work, which is about money and marketing and services, is in a whole different ball park. One year programs often cost $25K. Online video courses cost $1997.

Woah, right?

For Year Of Inquiry, anyone who signs up for the telecalls only (no retreats) for the entire year pays $1697.

As a part of YOI, you get invited to a lot of additional programs (most of my 8 week classes, as a bonus) for no extra fee.

The Year of Inquiry with retreats costs $2497 for the entire year, and this includes two full 3 day retreats, plus the 3 group telecalls every single week for 3 weeks out of every month.

The fee for both full YOI, or telecall-only YOI, also includes up to four solo sessions with me.

I call them “9-1-1” sessions, meaning, when you’re stuck, or you feel confused, or you have a big thing you’re going through and you need individual attention and time, you’ve got it from me if you want it.

YOI also has a forum where everyone is a member, a google group so it’s super private (not facebook) and when people share, they can receive messages via email.

YOI members get to ask questions of the whole group, reach out for support or find extra partners when they want one-on-one help, and offer their experiences when they find something great (like an awesome insight or a link to a Byron Katie interview).

When I researched many programs, and thought long and hard about monthly support and what I would pay if I were enrolling (and what I have actually paid for others’ advice and support) I came in lower on purpose, so I could really feel comfortable about the worth of the program, the energy of it, how much someone might have to “work” at a job in order to pay the fee each month.

I did this because of my own stressful beliefs about charging for things that don’t have “results” or guaranteed outcomes but are on someone’s own time and own evolving process.

I also thought about my own “work” and attention and care, and what kind of time I spend planning, updating, responding to, being with all the fabulous people who join YOI.

On practical notes about life costs, I thought about regular services many of us have for day-to-day living, and what you feel like you “get” for these services.

Where I live, my internet bill is $154 a month, my garbage pick-up is $75, if I go see a doctor for 20 minutes it’s $150, my self-employed health insurance is $560 per month (I have a few stressful thoughts about this one, we’ll talk about that later).

When I’ve gotten medical body work for injuries I had two years ago, the fee is $160 for one hour (he always went overtime a little). It was really important, my leg and back were hurting so much.

And what have I received from supported inquiry, from doing The Work?

It may be up there, for me personally, in the highest value of anything I’ve ever done.

It’s actually priceless, I almost can’t even come up with any number.

It’s infinitely worth it.

But you’ve got to set an actual earth-world price, a fee that’s manageable for me, for people enrolled, for the costs of the program to be covered.

What it feels like with this fee is quite honestly, the most fair, simple amount I could possibly imagine for both myself and for everyone who joins.

Even though it’s basically all made up.

The fee isn’t for the love, or the joy, or the learning, or the care, and not even for the time all added up in hours.

These things just don’t have a price tag.

I’ve gotten more from inquiry practice than from my master’s degree program that cost about $25,000 in the 1990s. That program was fantastic and I recommend it to people still today. Somewhere along the way, the story of “college degrees” brought degrees to cost more.

What else to consider when it comes to researching?

How about costs to run a program?

Having my business involves paying for teleconference services, paying for tons of technology programs and services, rentals, materials, and of course hundreds of hours of time spent with experts, practice groups, feedback, education, inquiry, meditation, group work, research, courses, and training.

All I know is….

I keep following the silence within….

….and it continues pulsing and flowing and offering whatever comes next….

….whether its a new person to hold in inquiry and love, or a new situation to feel what freedom means for me as a human being, or a new way to be a part of the Peace Movement and to help dissolve suffering for myself and for others.

Which is genuinely happening.

It’s incredible.

Evolution, awakening, joy and mystery is here, at our fingertips.

If you feel it’s beyond your reach, I remember this feeling so I can guide (maybe).

I love being a regular, normal, mediocre 54 year old woman who suffered deeply and once felt like death-warmed-over, and now feels astonished every day by the beauty of everything I see, and every step I take.

This is available to everyone.

Which brings me after all this explanation and consideration, which I may never do again by the way, to talking about (a) above…..

…..My own stressful thoughts about money, charging, receiving, not having enough, being selfish, worrying about expenses for other people or for myself.

These are the most important questions and concerns, really.

And fortunately, I know what to do with them.

The Work.

Being free turns out to mean questioning every story about money I’ve ever told and ever believed down to my bones.

I’ve gotten to question what does “expensive” mean?

I’ve questioned what does cheap mean, poor mean, rich mean?

I got to sit in the chair with Katie facilitating me on money.

What does “money” mean? Why does it hurt to part with it, or ask for it, or receive it, or wish for it when it’s not here?

What does survival, and needing, and craving, and longing, and contributing or giving money really mean for me?

What does receiving, and storing, charging and transferring, asking and accepting money mean?

What if money was just a symbol changing hands, moving?

What if I wasn’t against money?

What if I wasn’t for money?

What if it was perfectly OK for someone to talk with me about not having enough money for YOI (it is) and what they can spend?

OK to say yes, say no, every situation unique and worthy of consideration.

Am I sure I have to be careful?

No.

Byron Katie has a little saying she offers with laughter when talking about LOVE for someone else.

“I do, I don’t, I do, I do, I don’t.”

It’s the same with money.

I love it, I don’t love it, I hate it, I could care less about it, I forget about it, I love it, I don’t.

Ideas about it move and range all over the place.

I notice, I’m still here, I am safe no matter what money is doing or not doing, and money is safe with me, and we’re way more friendly with each other than we used to be.

It’s a beautiful relationship. With no guarantees.

Kind of like Reality.

But who changed…..me? Or money?

That would be…..me.

I’m pretty sure money is still doing exactly what it was created to do from the beginning.

I say yes to giving the world my time, my attention, my participation, my contact. I say yes to receiving enough, to being with myself (which is also you) and accepting, forgiving, resting with all of us (which includes me).

You are guided by the same brilliant force as I am.

You have to find your own answers.

And nothing is ever required. You can do inquiry all by yourself, with no money and no programs. I’m sure of it.

Who would we be without our stories?

“After I found The Work inside myself–after it found me–I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what emails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear….You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have.”~ Byron Katie

What do you do when you think something’s too expensive?

1) Research, sort, contemplate, add, subtract, easy-does-it.

2) Question your thinking.

Free yourself.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. That was a longer Grace Note than usual. If you’re new, they’ll be smaller again soon, thankfully.

P.P.S. Year of Inquiry has a deadline of August 15th for early-bird registration, and the first retreat is Sept 25-27 in Seattle in a beautiful private home. The retreat is open to anyone (not just people in YOI). Click HERE if you’re interested in the fall retreat.

August 4, 2015

Self-Inquiry Can Nourish And Complete All Things

pathtoinfinity — No one knows where inquiry is going for you…..not even you.

“Is there anything troubling that can happen if you do inquiry ALL THE TIME?”

A woman asked me this once as she considered joining Year of Inquiry.

Isn’t that kind of, well, obsessive, to constantly question yourself and all your concepts and beliefs?

I had to chuckle.

Maybe so, maybe so.

Recently, I had another person exploring if YOI is right for her make a similar comment, imagining that in one year, after lots of inquiry week after week, she would be completely detached.

She said she wasn’t sure she was ready for that level of not-caring-about-anything, although it was probably nice.

Hmmm.

Having thoughts about where inquiry will get you can definitely be a little tricky.

All I can really share is my own experience, and by being a facilitator, what some people report about questioning stressful thought.

This is really the big grand story of what was it like for me before inquiry, what happened, and what’s it like now!

And lemme tell you, I sure don’t feel unaffected and detached towards life.

In fact, I’d say I feel more connected, more attached, more excited and intimate with what happens than I ever felt before.

Although there is one way I do feel detached.

I feel more detached from taking all interactions so dang seriously as I once did.

Or from being sure I’m right….

….even about spirituality, or evolution, or (gasp)…..inquiry itself.

I feel more detached from the voice that seems to comment negatively on everything, including MYSELF.

I do indeed also feel I was once quite obsessive. If that means getting on a train going down a track, going faster and faster and faster without putting on any brakes, on a particular stressful story.

I get off the track much quicker these days.

Sometimes, I even just see the track, and the train station, but I don’t actually wind up getting on.

The thing is….

….inquiry has not made me become an entirely different personality, it has not turned my life upside down to looking absolutely nothing like it once did, it has not made me unrecognizable.

But….

….it has made me become an entirely different person, it has turned my life upside down (in a wonderful way) to looking nothing like it once did, and it has made me almost unrecognizable to myself.

All I know is, I used to think something was very frightening, or something about life made me very angry, or I was filled with sadness about the human condition.

Now, I get those feelings and sensations and the accompanying thoughts and I notice images spring to mind and rove across my path, and I consider certain issues a “problem”, and my mind starts running off chattering its opinion about this, about that, and there is something present that Is. Not. Concerned.

In a very good way.

I think it was there all the time, that unconcerned place.

My mind is still here, too.

It LOVES to think. It gets OFF on thinking.

But it is not taken seriously, it just can’t stick with a story for long.

And what I’ve found is that as I live my life, in time, here on planet earth (meaning, not everything happens all at once, but things have a way of unfolding step-by-step) things have become more and more…..

…..hilarious.

I really have no answers.

I’ve gotten cancer, my dear family members and favorite people in the world have gotten cancer, people close to me have died, some relationships haven’t worked out super well, I’ve been betrayed in a weird way by someone I thought of as a friend, I lost tons of money and had almost none, I’ve been injured in a way I’ll probably notice for the remainder of my time in a body, I’ve been an imperfect parent, I’ve had weird conversations about fees, I’ve been afraid in my business.

But all of it is such an incredible adventure, and every day I enter more into recognition of the way reality is, is the way it is.

And it’s sooooo fun.

Life is just so incredibly beautiful, and exciting, and free, and I love the human race so immensely and find it all so bizarre and wild.

I used to feel like I wanted to be dead.

Now I love being alive. I have little hissy fits and feel like a very normal human being. I share with you the life of regular human.

I see how brilliant you are, even if I don’t know you. I see how brilliant I am, even if I don’t know myself.

Life is very, very good and very, very astonishing.

This is always true.

Join me in Year of Inquiry if you want to see how inquiring affects YOUR particular life (not mine, not anyone else’s).

Inquiry is about answering profound questions, falling into reality at just the right pace and format for you.

A year of inquiring may lead you to some kind of detachment, or love, or awareness where you are nothing like before….

….or it may lead to seeing that, like getting a good night’s sleep, you feel better when you do it, and you keep going (maybe for another year).

Who knows. You get to find out.

“When a superior man hear of the Tao, he immediately begins to embody it. When an average man hears of the Tao, he half believes it, half doubts it. When a foolish man hears of the Tao, he laughs out loud. If he didn’t laugh, it wouldn’t be the Tao.

Thus it is said: The path into the light seems dark, the path forward seems to go back, the direct path seems long, true power seems weak, true purity seems tarnished, true steadfastness seems changeable, true clarity seems obscure, the greatest art seems unsophisticated, the greatest love seems indifferent, the greatest wisdom seems childish.

The Tao is nowhere to be found. Yet it nourishes and completes all things.”

~ Tao Te Ching #41

I have found self-inquiry to be the Tao.

That’s why I’m doing Year of Inquiry. Again.

Much love,

Grace

August 3, 2015

Where Two or More Are Gathered…The Power of Self-Inquiry

If you're feeling alone, find group support — Group Inquiry on the phone….may support you taking your thought from suffering to clarity

As Year of Inquiry is winding down for the wonderful inquirers who connected since last September, I’m touched to find out how many are joining again for this upcoming year.

Alumni of YOI also get to come attend the September or May retreats, or both, for as long as I offer them (at a really reasonable–low–fee).

So these 3 day events are like reunions.

I’m getting the same “reunion” type of feeling with all the people who are showing up in Summer Camp For The Mind.

Even if they don’t attend every call, the power of inquiring with a group and getting to hear and know peoples’ important inner work this steadily and this often is simply…..

…..a joy (for me) of unconditional love, clarity, and awareness.

Yesterday a woman raised her hand to inquire into her worksheet, entirely written on the judgments she had about her long-term illness and what she called an eating disorder.

This kind of investigation…..wow.

So let’s say you have a condition you have labeled, and it’s one you don’t like.

Cancer. Poverty. No Living Family. Anxiety. No Home. Bad Thyroid. Overweight. Addicted. Alone.

This can be frightening to look at….

….but it’s the only way I ever have found freedom.

The way into freedom has been to go inside it and look around. To really sit with these “terrible” conditions and look at them more slowly, more deeply.

The woman who brought her illness up said that when she believed her condition was ruining her life, she felt so hopeless. She saw images of herself as a young girl when this condition started. She had images of her future life as a disaster and a mess.

She felt such grief.

Then we got to the fourth question: Who would you be without this thought that the condition is keep you from a better life, another life, another, different you?

She reported that it was difficult to find an answer.

She didn’t know.

Which is where the power of group inquiry comes in. And it’s magnificent.

Other people raised their hands to speak their own answers. They shared their own imagination and pictures, and what it might feel like to be without the belief that a condition is limiting you.

The original inquirer shared how other peoples’ answers expanded her own.

She got it.

She could feel what it could be like if she didn’t believe that her status, her health, her capacity to work (or not work) made her life awful.

I suddenly thought during the inquiry….

….this is how we humans feel, without even realizing it all that often, about the condition of being alive.

Even WITHOUT something called an “illness” or an “ailment”.

Help! I’m alive! Oh no! What do I do now?! I have to do something, right? I have to work, accomplish, achieve, make sense of All This!

It’s like a big scream or like the Tasmanian Devil spinning around saying “Don’t hurt me!” or “This is frightening!” or “I can’t do this!”

About Life.

Who would you be without the belief you aren’t living a good life?

Who would you be without the thought that your physical conditions, or your mental or emotional conditions for that matter, are limiting you and making things TERRIBLE?

What if you were just OK, exactly as you are? Whether you have cancer, or chronic fatigue, or an addictive behavior, or a traumatic history, or negative self-criticism?

Huh.

Really?

No more perfect or better version of me and my life? No “more enlightened” me?

Turning this belief around: This condition (you pick the one you’re looking at, whether an illness, or low-income, or personal trauma) is expanding my life.

Could that be just as true, or TRUER?

I know, for myself, I can find examples of this turnaround.

My cancer allowed me to see how much my family and former husband cared about me. My eating disorder drove me into questioning the meaning of life. My despair and fear invited me to consult those who had gone before me, like Byron Katie, or my first therapist, or Adyashanti, or Ross, and other incredible humans and teachers.

All the most terrible conditions of life that I’ve ever experienced, actually, all propelled me towards self-inquiry and self-realization and a returning home (underway every day).

All the conditions I disliked the most drew me into that one moment yesterday on the Summer Camp phone call….

….where I got to be with an amazing group of people from many parts of the world who were all being supported by the power of inquiry, together, through the miracle of voices on a thing called a “phone” at the same time.

Undoing stressful thinking. Adding understanding to our world.

Being part of the Peace Movement.

The power of group inquiry is immense, I continue to find, over and over.

When you can’t see it yourself, someone else might.

By listening to other people grapple with questioning their suffering, we all feel inspired.

And who knows what wonderful things can unfold from this new outlook, this new moment.

This is the period of time, right now, where many are deciding if they want to jump in to this next year’s Year of Inquiry program.

Deadline for the early-bird registration is August 15th. We begin on September 8th with our first telesession. Retreats are optional, but fabulous (come if you can, people fly from the east coast, California, midwest, and Canada).

Join me.

Much love,

Grace

July 28, 2015

Inquiry: A New Pair of Glasses

newglasses — Inquiry: a new pair of glasses

When I left my very first School for The Work of Byron Katie in March 2005, my feet hardly touched the ground.

I looked at the whole world with a new pair of eyes.

I kept shaking my head in disbelief, thinking….

….wow.

I’ve never seen the sidewalk, people, carpet, airplanes, cars, water fountains, life….like this before.

I know that sounds a little cray-cray.

But there was an inner revolution happening called looking-without- certainty-what-I-think-is-true.

It’s not necessarily all roses and rainbows.

Not knowing what is true can be strange and disconcerting. At least for that mind that loves having a task, and Knowing Stuff.

Some of the floating, amazed, wondrous feeling I experienced, however, fizzled away just a bit over time.

I actually didn’t sleep more than 4-5 hours a night for 9 months.

I felt like I was riding a strange, unknown, wave….

….and my life was turning upside down.

The insight, when I look back, came first, before all the super-huge changes.

First, I raised my hand to do inquiry. I read Loving What Is, then I went to the School for nine days.

I knew I wanted to challenge my assumptions. I wanted to do this more than I wanted stability, certainty, or guarantees.

I was really moved by wanting to understand the truth for myself, not through any doctrine, or ideal, or religious or spiritual teaching (even though I loved the religious groups I had been a part of). I did not want to suffer. I had suffered so greatly, I wanted out.

I didn’t even want a special teacher. I didn’t want Katie herself to be my guru (and I soon realized she didn’t want that either).

I wanted life, and my own inner mystery and source, to be my guru.

But I really did want to take my newfound capacity to inquire, after that first school, into an alive, expanding practice.

I wanted to do The Work all the time.

What would that look like?

I noticed, after a little while, I didn’t do The Work every day like when I first got home.

I could hardly keep up, it sometimes seemed, with the quantity of stressful thoughts my mind would spew out.

Then more days stretched between reacting, and sitting down and doing The Work. More days would go by without me writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on stressful experiences I encountered.

Sometimes I would sit down, though, and write with great concentration and depth about a situation that had disturbed me.

Then I would have such sweet awareness. I loved it so much, I loved the investigation. I loved the lightness.

I am so lucky.

A friend called, who I had met at that very same first school, and asked if I wanted to become partners in inquiry together.

I knew immediately to say yes.

We met on the phone every single Monday morning at 8 am Pacific Time. I was unemployed, looking for work, and she had Mondays off. She lived several states away.

We had no idea how long we would go, how much we wanted to do it, what would result.

It was amazingly good.

Almost every Monday, without fail, we met for two hours on the phone (I didn’t have skype yet or know what it was). Yes, I was actually holding a phone, putting it on speaker phone for some of the time, for two hours. We hardly missed a Monday for two years.

I inquired into my own very stressful and painful thoughts. She inquired into hers. We almost always had whole Judge Your Neighbor worksheets written out. We held each other to inquiry.

I also gathered with almost 20 people for a reunion, all of whom had been at that same very first School for The Work. Many of us traveled by plane and car to get to the home of the wonderful man who hosted us all.

We created our own Morning Walk (a silent walking meditation offered by Byron Katie). We partnered up for inquiry sessions. We shared meals and talked into the night about questioning thought.

It was brilliant to stay connected to others doing The Work, and to practice, practice, practice without it being a demand, or a chore, or something I was supposed to do.

I’m sure, today, having these experiences made me realize how gathering a group to join for inquiry practice is essential for some of us.

At least, if you’re like moi.

Creating a group format or structure is not just kinda nice, like a hobby or something….

….It’s a life changer.

It’s the difference between actually inquiring into stressful thought, and thinking it’s a good idea but not trying it.

Which is, I am sure, why I kept going and kept doing it and kept participating and kept pressing on.

Inquiry became so deeply interesting, it finally stuck inside in a way that grew more automatic.

But here’s the thing that may surprise you.

I STILL notice a gap between the stressful experience occurring in my life (an exchange with a person, an issue with money, trouble in the physical body) and beginning inquiry.

My mind kicks into gear with reaction, with contemplating something, noticing, wondering, uncertainty, fear, emptiness….

….and I’ll be following a trail of thoughts, maybe even down a rabbit hole within a few minutes….

….before *ping*….

….Grace, you could inquire. You could do The Work. Remember? The questions? Is it true? Are you sure?

Ohhhhh. Right.

Wow, that mind is a speedy one.

What a genius project manager!

Which is why I personally love entering inquiry every single day, with other people.

It’s incredible. It’s built into my daily life. For all I know, it’s saving my life.

I’m the one who needed, apparently, the constant contact of doing The Work with others. Groups, individuals, classes, meetups, retreats, intensives, immersions.

And one of my favorite things in all the world is being able to pick up my phone, or dial in with skype and my headphones, and have people show up from all over the world to answer the four questions together.

It’s a unified spirit of dissolving our personal suffering.

What could be more supportive and incredible than that?

Pretty soon, the Year of Inquiry program will open for applications and sign-ups. This is a collective spirit of coming together, with a new topic to guide us, every month for a year.

We start in September.

Our tele-sessions are Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at three distinctly different hours so your time zone might fit. Come to one session, or come to all.

Retreats (optional) are in September 2015 and May 2016. (They’re awesome).

If you’ve been wondering how to stay in touch with your own inquiry, if you’d like to have a group to carry you through a year of identifying and expanding your mind to understand your own inner life (and outer life, too, I find) then consider joining us this year.

Curious and want to know details?

Click HERE to read all about it. (You can fill out the info/application form there if you’re ready. Decisions made by August 15th.)

Much love,

Grace

July 15, 2015

Year of Inquiry

As mid-summer comes to a peak, even though it’s still two months away….

….its time to open up applications to Year of Inquiry 2015-2016!!

Actually, a bunch of people already applied when I first put the word out a few months ago.

There’s already a fantastic group assembling.

What is Year of Inquiry?

It’s a group that gets to be like family, where we all dial-in to tele-sessions every month for an entire year. We laugh, we cry, we really investigate deeply our innermost beliefs about life, other people, mother, father, children, money, body, our stressful situations.

Every month is a different topic for inquiry.

You join to practice doing The Work regularly.

You connect with others in a remarkably unique way: at a profoundly honest level. To do this work, you have to reveal what you’re thinking.

It takes courage.

If you’re like me….this doesn’t come super easy. You may be someone who notices you don’t really get around to actually doing The Work, unless you schedule it, get a partner, hire a facilitator.

Looking at your mind is tricky for your ego.

OK, not just tricky….TERRIFYING.

(I know it’s hard to identify what an “ego” actually is…let’s just say it’s the self-centered, worried, anxious, fixated mind that likes to imagine stressful things and considers the world dangerous).

The ego, it seems, would LOVE for you to NEVER do The Work.

It spends a lot of time and energy, that ego, making sure you’re not looking at things clearly, you’re striving towards a goal, you’re getting distracted, or you’re escaping (with alcohol, drugs, or overeating for example).

It’s just a little skittish.

Doing The Work breaks all this down.

The ego….BUSTED!

Excited? Curious? Ready?

If you’re interested in applying or asking me questions about YOI, click right HERE. You can type in anything, and I’ll get back to you soon. All you need to do is answer a few question to apply, and send me yours.

I can not WAIT to see who the awesome folks who gather together to learn, expand, grow, un-do our stressful thoughts, understand our addictions, and support each other in waking up.

This is truly what we’re doing.

Waking up to our natural selves, and what its like to answer the question….

….Who would you be without that stressful story?

Wow. Amazing idea.

Some people renew for YOI every year, and they’ll do it again, because life without believing your past pain takes practice.

Maybe lots of practice!

I’ve been doing The Work for over ten years now.

And honestly? It just keeps getting better and better.

I can hardly believe something has stuck for me as a regular, steady interest for this long. I was always going on to the next new method or new psychology or new philosophy.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I still love learning about new modalities.

But The Work? It actually works.

It’s changed my inner life entirely….and because of this, my outer life is totally different too.

Let’s do The Work! Join me in Year of Inquiry.

“Everything I need, in order to know the Truth, is given to me in the Silence. I call it The Work.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you need to try out tele-sessions first, that’s what Summer Camp is for and it’s underway right now until August 7th. Email me by hitting reply, and you can try a Summer Camp call.