Category: Events

Posted on

In one month exactly: spring cleaning of the mental kind

So spring retreat…always a glorious time to visit Seattle with bursting blossoms…is not happening in Seattle this year.

 

Except virtually, it IS happening. Yes, we can do this.

 

For those interested in doing The Work as an immersion together online, this is going to be fun.

 

We’re meeting twice on Thursday 5/14 and again Friday 5/15, and once on Saturday 5/16, and once on Sunday 5/17. You can enroll in the full retreat, which include all of the six half-day segments from May 14-17 ($295) and receive 21 hours of CEUs for mental health practitioners.

 

Or, you can sign up for any of the segments you’re able to attend, based on your time zone, interest, schedule. Each 3.5 hour segment we’ll have a 20 min break in the middle at a natural pause place in our time together. One half-day segment is $60. (CEUs are only offered if you enroll in the entire retreat).

 

To read more about the schedule, match it up with your time zone to see what’s possible for you, and sign up for either the entire retreat, or one or more of the six “segments”, visit here.

 

I’m so looking forward to the gathering that will happen. A time of spring mental cleaning.

 

And boy howdy, many of us have felt very inspired to clean lately, whether physically or mentally or emotionally.

 

This past weekend, I put away my computer and anything screen-ish on Saturday and spent 7 hours completely emptying a dresser, recycling old papers, making a stack of important tax documents, dusting (wow, those high-up bookshelf corners way in the back, just saying), sweeping and scrubbing.

 

It was so incredibly satisfying.

 

Out with the old. Making a new light space.

 

This kind of cleaning is possible every single day when we use self-inquiry with our stories and perceptions about living in this world, relating to others, remaining safe, being creative, finding support, fearing the future.

 

We practice noticing our conclusions about What Is without filtering or judging these internal stories, and then applying the four questions and finding turnarounds.

 

One of my favorite things about The Work is that we get to begin with our own doorway in: our personal stressful experience.

 

And we really mean it when we say “unfiltered”. We don’t hold back, we get it all down in writing even if it’s embarrassing or weird or uncomfortable.

 

We find what frightens us, what has irritated us in the past, what’s made us upset about the future. We get it down on paper.

 

Sometimes these experiences feel like they’re almost soaked into us at a cellular level (many have observed that our difficulties are physically stored in our nervous system).

 

Whether that’s specifically true or not, the memories of our suffering certainly seem to be stored in our hearts and minds, and without inquiry these memories often plague us.

 

In spring cleaning retreat, we’ll all get to start with one uncomfortable situation we’ve experienced–from any day or time period in life–and write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. Current events have given many of us good opportunity to tap into stress and fear, and take a very close look.

 

I’ll help guide you in to where you’ll begin: a feeling inside of disturbance about what happened, or what’s happening, and identifying the thoughts that communicate what you believe about that experience.

 

Disease, communication with others, loss, worry, money, jobs, career, partnership, time, physical suffering, death, self-realization or lack of it, compulsion.

 

What bothers you? You’ll get to look. That’s the place to start.

 

If 100 things bother you, on our retreat (or any day you do The Work really) you’ll still get to begin with just one situation. A place you were betrayed, frightened, angered.

 

I love that our feelings and emotions show us the way. We don’t cover them up with shame…instead we actually sit with them and let them point to what bothers us.

 

I’m looking forward to joining in a small group of travelers through the joy of inquiry for spring retreat this year, and the joy of potentially sitting with you even if you live in an entirely different time zone.

 

To look up the schedule and understand more about the daily program during retreat, visit this page HERE.

 

Much love to all,
Grace
P.S.
Posted on

Ten thousand forms of suffering. Joining Year of Inquiry can help.

An old zen question: what was your original face before you were born?

Before everything became “this” life. The face who has lived, is living, will live an unknown amount farther into the future.

This morning in early meditation, for some reason, maybe it was the bizarre changes in the world out there with the massive stop of travel and social time and weirdness of the virus and death notices….I thought of the man who went spelunking one day all by himself, an expert cave crawler, and a great huge boulder rolled with a shift onto his forearm.

He was trapped, and alone and down in a canyon or a cave.

He eventually realized his only way out alive was to cut off his own arm, free himself, and make his way back out to the light.

Yikes. Sorry for the disconcerting visual. It’s stayed with me ever since I first read about it when I visited Moab National Park about 15 years ago.

I felt the familiar heightened awareness as I sat in stillness. Wondering what it was like, how he could have managed to do such a thing.

But the reason I mention this, and I really don’t mean to be adding MORE to the visuals and nerves that seem to be arising….is to say that I’ve observed the mind working this way in the past.

It feels threatened for whatever reason, a generalized notion of uncertainty, haunting music playing, people with anxiety, scary sounding news….and what does it do?

It thinks of MORE disturbing images from both the past and the future.

Like a slide show playing on ultra-speed; is this one making you nervous? How about this one? What about this one? Oh, and how about that one from 1972?

And it pauses on that old story of the guy who amputated his own arm. Jeez, not that one again.

(I’ve also got a repeater of another young man climbing Half Dome without ropes, paused part way up with his back to the cliff and “resting”–it was on the cover of a National Geographic).

All these images, worries, wonderings, unknown mysteries, strange adventures.

This seems to be a time when wondering is up, strong, intense in the atmosphere.

Which is why I loved a group inquiry that just happened, yesterday, in Year of Inquiry.

It was a simple, core, sweeping thought resounding through the group:

IT’S TOO MUCH!!

Everyone found their collection of thoughts that all built together for a moment when the abrupt cry entered the mind “it’s all too much! Nooooooo!”

(We may have heard it several times a day the way the world is unfolding lately, I know).

Too much to organize, too much work suddenly transferred to the living room, too much anxiety about what will happen next, too much nervousness about getting the virus or losing money, too much thinking about death or disease or bodies, too much talking with everyone in the family home at the same time, too much laundry, noise, news headlines.

In our group, someone had too much time suddenly on their hands, another was being driven crazy by the kids, another exchanged harsh words with his dad, another drove into then out of the grocery store parking lot.

Someone else was having to figure out teaching college online.

But hearing peoples’ images, visions, thoughts, feelings all in this inquiry work feels like such a relief–we’re not alone, we all have the same SMACK DOWN even if the images and situations are different and unique.

A thought whizzes in with the grand statement “Too much! Too much! Seriously too much!”

But here’s the thing.

As we walked through this belief, we discovered the only thing that’s really too much, in any given moment ever, is the belief itself.

My thoughts fill the air with visions of the future that are entirely unknown. Worries. Perhaps there’s been physical pain.

But was it ever too much?

No.

I’m here, breathing. I didn’t die.

Too much for what? Too much for me to feel, to imagine, to wonder about, to hold?

What if that is just not true?

I reflected on how in my life I’ve felt abandoned, hated myself, experienced terror, lost everything including all my possessions, gotten physically hurt….and it was never too much, except in my head.

When I believed it was too much, frequently my action was to eat, smoke, drink, read historical novels, gather information and quickly, grab for answers, work harder, stay awake at night.

When I believed it was too much I never questioned it.

Now, thank goodness for four questions.

Turning the thought around: It is not too much. My thinking is too much. I AM too much for IT.

Life, circumstances, happenings, situations, people, emotions.

“I am” lives through it all, the life force (as one year-of-inquiry member said), the buzzing beat of being here. The pulse of living is here–and the thoughts fall apart, dissolve, collapse. They even go away the minute we sleep.

Things shift, despite my thinking. Things get OK again.

“I am” holds it all and the Too Muchness fades and returns, but doesn’t destroy What Is.

Something that was here before All This, and will live on after All This….can’t be touched.

Who or what our faces were before we were born.

If you notice stress thinking or disturbed thinking pesters and bothers you about life–and it doesn’t have to be about the virus–come join us as the doors are open this month of April in Year of Inquiry. We’re a mighty fine group of sincere people, wanting simply to question our thoughts.

Click HERE to read details. We meet live, we share a private forum for doing our work in writing and communicating online, and we partner pair with others.

I am so touched by all the new folks who already just joined Year of Inquiry, wow. My hands are clapping.

The ship is taking new inquirers on board this month, then we’ll close the doors again until the usual annual open time: September.

Join for a year (saving quite a lot), or month-to-month (still such a deal compared to solo sessions), and please ask me if you are out of work and in dire need of scholarship help. Just write to grace@workwithgrace.com

Read more about Year of Inquiry here.

Our live calls are Mondays 9am PT, Tuesdays 5:30pm PT, Wednesdays Noon PT, Thursdays 9am PT and Fridays 8am PT.

In these strange times, let’s do The Work together.

Walking each other home, pondering who we really are without all our fears, contemplating and becoming our original face.

Tilicho Lake
In this high place
it is as simple as this,
leave everything you know behind.
Step toward the cold surface,
say the old prayer of rough love
and open both arms.
Those who come with empty hands
will stare into the lake astonished
there, in the cold light
reflecting pure snow
the true shape of your own face.
~David Whyte
Tilicho lake.wmv
Tilicho Lake: Read by the author David Whyte (I first heard this at The School for The Work of Byron Katie 2005, never forgotten)
Much love,
Grace
Posted on

When daughters feel upset about their mothers….the Work

A beautiful group of inquirers came to First Friday Open Inquiry sessions last Friday morning 7:45am Pacific Time.

After filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, we got to sit in two different inquiries of the brave people who shared their internal world with us:

First, a moment in childhood where a woman remembers herself at nine years old when her mother displays disgust at her daughter’s rounder body in a bathing suit.

The thought we all sat with: I have to be skinny to be accepted. (I have to be x to be accepted).

The second situation we heard was also a scene with mother and daughter. Mother is crying and sad, daughter was about eight years old….and her belief “My mother is upset and it means that I’m bad”. 

How wonderful to notice how anxious we can be (as children, as adults too) if someone we care about is upset. Is it our fault? We notice how we believe it.

I love all the inquirers who come to sit in The Work on First Fridays. There’s a slowing down, a meditative attitude adopted, a quietness.

Some might call it very slow, perhaps too slow….but not if we’re honestly engaged in self-inquiry.

If you’ve had any of these stressful thoughts mentioned at all, or for any reason you’d like to follow along with the session–which can be so very helpful for reflection–then please enjoy the recording.

It was a beautiful mother-child theme for the day.

Who would you be without the story that you need that other person (mother in this case, or yourself) to be different in order to be happy?

If you want to pass the word along to a friend that these First Friday fabulous meetings occur, then send them the link here so they can get the zoom link to join in their Inbox and get on the mailing list:

https://workwithgrace.lpages.co/first-friday-inquiry-calls-with-grace/

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Cleaning Retreat in May is remaining on the schedule even though Seattle has a Covid-19 Virus scare running through it. We’ll meet at my cottage, if we’re all still alive (little joke). Learn more here. I’ll be sure to keep you completely updated if there’s a need to cancel. So far, so good. Can’t wait to do The Work with you.

Posted on

Spring clean your mind. Whatever appears that’s out of order, do The Work with it.

I’m already looking forward to the next in-person event to gather with others to question our stressful thinking (there are 3 coming up: one in May and two in June):

Spring Cleaning retreat is only 12 weeks away. The blossoms will be bursting, the air will smell of sweetness and the sunlight will be cutting through rainclouds and showers.

Well, OK. Maybe there will be sun. This is Seattle, Washington. There will be lots of colors, green and fresh.

Coming to retreat is a powerful time of immersion in self-inquiry. We start at the very beginning. (I hear Maria in the Sound of Music singing her song “let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start….”)

Whether you’re experienced or brand new to The Work of Byron Katie and self-inquiry in any form….all are welcome here.

Our mission?

Spring Cleaning. The mental kind.

There is nothing so wonderful as a clear, calm, spacious patterns of thinking–especially about “problems” or dilemmas in your life.

Instead of chewing on these potent situations, obsessing over them, worrying about them, ruminating, perseverating, feeling despair or upset, wondering what will happen, trying to over-plan…..

…..we can clear the path through worry and find our own inner answers. No “right” or “wrong”.

This work is highly experiential, meaning the way we learn it is by doing it.

Sure, we can watch it done on youtube videos, we can watch someone else inquiring with a facilitator, we can read Loving What Is or I Need Your Love–Is That True? by Byron Katie.

We can even wonder about the four questions and try to answer them while we’re driving our car or sitting on the bus going to work thinking about it, LOL.

When on retreat, however, or sitting with someone else virtually or in person….we get to actually walk through The Work.

I have no idea why this often appears so difficult to set aside dedicated time to immerse ourselves in this brilliant self-inquiry–me included.

The mind wants to argue.

Can’t I just read the right book or meet the right teacher, and get “fixed” or “enlightened”?

Sigh.

I love how Byron Katie herself says it’s called The Work because, well, it’s “work”.

Too bad there isn’t a short cut, right?

But at this point in practicing The Work, I’m in love with it and the insights offered. The Work is the shortest short-cut or the nearest thing to a short-cut to peace you will ever find.

It is the only thing that has brought deep peace to my aggravated mind. No smoking, alcohol, binge-eating, TV watching, spending, signing up for trainings, doing, achieving or succeeding ever brought any abiding peace.

So let’s cleanse this thing together! (Pointing to head with forefinger). What do you want or need to work on in your life? What could use a little clean-up?

Join me on retreat in May. Can’t wait.

“Life is good. Life is flawless. Life is the push. It’s a school that allows us to play in the apparent physical. And when our mind can match the physical, and love what is, there’s no separation between mind and world. It’s like realizing over and over and over our true nature. It never moves….Anything that you see as out of order, no matter how cruel; do The Work with it. It’s never too much for us. Ever. ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Cleaning of the Mind. Holy Smokes what a relief, a joy, a rest. We do have fun. Read more HERE.

Posted on

The best way to question your thoughts: with other people, scheduled, sharing

When I look back on my life before The Work…it looks like black-and-white TV.

I actually hated my mind a lot of the time. Not friends.

Really.

I was extremely self-critical, irritable, depressive, and sometimes felt sorry for myself. I would isolate and try to fix my mind and think more positively or “snap” out of it.

And as many of you know, I had a tumultuous relationship with food and eating and body image and loads of therapy to end a raging eating disorder.

When I read Loving What Is in 2004, I was profoundly moved.

I thought it was a brilliant idea.

I sat down to “do” this thing called The Work, and I had to keep opening the book and saying to myself..”What do I do next? What’s the question? Wait, What? Is it absolutely true? I have no idea, that’s the problem here!…”

Quit.

Yah, I’d give up pretty fast in frustration and confusion.

But I knew there was something there, it was so amazing to me to have read all the inquirers in Loving What Is and what people had accomplished and experienced, including Byron Katie herself, through questioning their stressful thoughts.

Why are some people able to drop into The Work quickly, and create a sense of inner peace in their lives, along with success around what they highly value….and others find themselves confused, upset or resistant to their minds and the way they’re thinking?

It seems as if some people who learn about The Work of Byron Katie grab and pen and paper, and sit down with enthusiasm and joy to start writing their objections to life.

I actually heard someone say this after she read Loving What Is, she sat down and made a list of about 300 things (seriously) she objected to about life, and started at number one.

She then took each thing through the four questions, in writing on her own, and found all her turnarounds and changed her entire life.

Um, yah. But, moi? Some others of us in the human race?

Not so much.

Even though we’re pretty sure The Work works, and it sounds viable that questioning the mind chatter can lead to breakthroughs in how we observe life, and we’ve witnessed people getting it out loud as they share with us (what courage) their work on video or on retreat….

….there are persistent thoughts and stories that just don’t seem to get penetrated easily.

But I’m here to say, anyone can question their thinking, and find the freedom and inner peace that sometimes seems so elusive.

Because I’ve done it myself.

How?

Just showing up.

Yes, so simple.

But not easy. (Kinda like The Work itself, actually).

About six months after my first School for The Work (which entirely blew my mind) there I was, struggling to actually DO The Work regularly.

I’d see the thinking. I’d watch and notice it.

And then continue about my business. Grocery shopping. Cleaning the house. Applying for jobs. Worrying. Being with my kids. Making my kids dinner (badly). Trying to navigate a separation in my marriage at the time that felt horrible. Signing up for a ton of classes like dance, qigong, and other personal growth techniques.

Did I stop, sit down, and write my thoughts on paper?

Oh no, no, no. Who wants to see those thoughts on paper? Eeew.

The resistance was entering again that left me in a cloud bank of fog and an unwillingness and negativity about doing The Work itself.

Who am I to think I could be successful? To be truly peaceful within? To love and accept myself and MY MIND (that enemy of mine)?

Who was I to imagine I could find my own answers and turn towards myself with respect, care…..loving kindness?

I said things to myself like “if I was really so capable of finding peace, I would have it by now. I’ve gone to The School, I’ve written worksheets, I’ve had insights on my family of origin and traumas from the past….shouldn’t I feel good all the time, 24/7?”

(My perfectionism and expectations for who I should be were hard nuts to crack).

Thank goodness someone called me from that first 2005 school I attended, and said A) let’s partner regularly in The Work and, B) there’s an online class in The Work where students meet once a week for 2 months, let’s sign up.

At the time, 2005, I had never heard of an online class. These were telesessions.

Everyone dialed in, we did The Work.

I called my partner every Monday morning with a worksheet or a one-liner. I became more and more honest about my ridiculous, childish, aggravating, outrageously dramatic thoughts.

My partner listened. She didn’t have to coach me. This was The Work. Simply questioning the thinking, the painful story.

I started to feel clearer, better. I dared to speak out loud, to do The Work on the group calls, to stay connected with this new partner long after the class was over.

I was witnessed. Other people could share their observations, and learn about who I was and my tendencies and worries.

I didn’t have to do it alone.

Wow. What a concept.

So I suppose you could call my process of deep internal questioning that is The Work the slooooooooow turtle approach.

Except, to be honest, I didn’t DO The Work until I did it with others, until I had homework and accountability and a schedule with The Work.

Here’s a little secret: I still lean towards putting The Work off, if my mind got left to its own devices.

The ideas of the mind are “who cares about inquiry, let’s go to a movie. Life is for living, let’s plan some kind of escape travel somewhere.”

I know to say “oh you cute little mind, you. We can go to a movie in awhile, but first, let’s look at the movie playing in the head–the one causing disruption, failure, sadness, rage, procrastination”.

And we begin.

Four questions and finding turnarounds.

It really really really takes practice.

There are a lot of characters in this mind to work with, a lot of screamers and criers and agonizers and worriers.

A turnaround I’ve found is that it helps me relate to everyone, every thought ever produced.

Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing we need to hide. All characters of human consciousness are welcome here.

Year of Inquiry is a way to give the mind a gift of being questioned, as a practice. No expectation of finding total enlightenment in 3 weeks, or anything crazy like that.

We simply dive in, sanely, to the process….sharing the road to freedom together.

What I’ve found by doing The Work with a regular practice is the gap between intense drama or depression and awareness closes.

In just the right order, right timing, right process.

As I’ve done The Work, other experiences have presented themselves in my world and I’ve followed them. New books to read, different sorts of retreats, silent meditation, a deep happiness at being right where I am.

(I have never lived longer in any home than the little cottage in which I live now, where I’ve been for 14 years–always too restless before).

This Year of Inquiry starts next week. Registration closes Sept 8th at 8 pm.

During the year you’ll get to look and watch your mind, and question it.

Questioning the mind leads to a peace and freedom and success I always wanted, but had practically given up on believing it was possible for me.

I know it’s possible for you, too. 

I’m ready to share The Work with you in the most safe, clear, simple way I can. I’ve learned over the years of practicing this work, and running Year of Inquiry, that when we stick with this despite inner complaining or worrying….insight comes all on its own. You aren’t missing anything. It become clear what the sages mean when they say “you have what you need inside”.

Enroll here: Year of Inquiry

I’ll send you an email once I receive notice you’ve enrolled, and we’ll set up our introductory solo session.

Beginners and experienced all take this program. Many people who have been to Schools for The Work enroll, to stay steady with their practice.

This is meditation, and we support one another like a sangha, a group of friends learning acceptance of What Is and living our turnarounds.

“Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector-mind-rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Something inside that rarely sees the light of day (+ Ten Barriers tomorrow at noon PT)!

In Summer Camp right now, people have been noticing a very powerful (and sometimes extremely stressful thought): I need to do something about myself.

I need to stop feeling x, reacting like y. I need to be better than this.

I’ve had this awareness with fear of other people I don’t know very well, wishing I weren’t so shy or reserved, wishing I hadn’t said something a certain way, wishing I were more willing, natural and not-nervous.

This past weekend, I was at my 40th high school reunion.

How very odd to consider the number 40. Ideas form of how long that is, four decades. And in other perspectives it’s less than the blink of an eye, geologically speaking.

A white board was put up with markers to write names of those who have died.

38 names were written in green that people had added all evening during the event!

A friend came from New York to attend, spending 24 hours in town. Another friend intentionally made her annual visit from Sweden to correspond with the night, so she could be there. Beautiful conversations.

Some faces were completely unfamiliar. Good thing we had name tags.

I felt a lot of joy, noticing how much more comfortable and easy it has become to be human since age 17 and 18–so curious about others, wondering where people live and what they think about or do, what’s unfolded in their lives?

The quarterback of the high school team came in with his bright smile, his wife arm in arm with him. I remember how I was waaaaay too shy to speak to either of them back in school.

What made me nervous long ago (or if I ever am today)?

Thinking thoughts, and believing them.

A rising up of fear almost without words: they won’t like me, I’ll say something stupid, I’m not as good as him or her, they’re more successful, they don’t want to talk to me, I have nothing to offer, they think x about me, I think y about myself…..

Is any of that the truth?

No.

Some of these outcomes are possible….but are they so frightening?

People are scary. 

True?

No.

How do I react, even now, when I get a whiff of that feeling of nervousness about the unknown, meeting someone new, speaking to a group of strangers, wondering who I’ll see at the event, offering an introductory workshop somewhere unknown?

I feel a buzzing within. An alertness.

If I think there’s danger of “failing” I might have images of how it could go.

Badly.

Who would I be without this belief?

Excited. Curious. Ready to be in the moment, honest, real, open-hearted.

Turning the thought around: People are not scary. My thoughts about people are scary! I am scary to people!

Any of these could be just as true, or truer. I notice without a thought about people, their scary-ness, their reaction, their faces, their words….I love them all.

I also love this feeling within, the one who is full of feelings, chaos, wonderings, unknowns about the future…being whatever this is to be a human right now showing up as the one who is apparently named Grace Bell.

Not a green written name on the board, not the one who graduated from highschool 40 years ago, not the one with x problem right now.

Just Here.

“Consider a smile. First think of a deliberate smile, the smile you produce when you think you should–for instance, for a photo. That smile is useful in some ways. It’s designed to be kind to others, like Secretary Appreciation Week. Now think of a smile that happens by itself. This smile can’t be produced on purpose, it can’t be faked, and there is no instruction book for creating it…..Even if it is seldom allowed to see the light of day, you know that this smile is somewhere inside you ready to burst out. It comes from an enjoyable conversation that you have with yourself.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True?

And I realize, this is my heart’s desire. To watch the world move with this one as a part of it, in every which way, and experience life with no rules, plans, must-haves, control.

Simply to feel life being lived here, without anything required.

What is here besides thinking and self-inquiry about the thinking?

Pure gift. An astonishing story.

Wonder.

TOMORROW August 1st Noon-1:30 pm PT: Join me for Ten Barriers That Derail The Work…and How To Dissolve Them. An immersion into challenging our ideas about The Work not “working” with five exercises, four foundational elements I’ve found help support my work (this life) and all ten barriers. Register here.

When you sign up I’ll make sure you receive information about the final sessions offered of Ten Barriers at the end of August, before Year of Inquiry begins in September. At the end of every Ten Barriers workshop online, I share about the Year of Inquiry outline and what it’s like.

Curious about Year of Inquiry? Jenni shares about her experience in The Work and life unfolding, with laughter:

Much love,

Grace

 

Posted on

Year of Inquiry: Are you ready for a year-long journey?

Something happens when we question our thinking.

Something happens when we move, stick, commit, become ready, say “yes” to ourselves and working with our minds….

….Simply being willing to try The Work, do The Work, move with The Work, which means to identify and question our beliefs.

How exciting!

It doesn’t matter how well we do it.

Being perfect with the steps doesn’t matter. Focusing on what is right or wrong doesn’t really matter. Focusing on what you’re expecting in the future doesn’t really matter.

I loved talking with Trudy, a member of Year of Inquiry this past year, who shares about her openings and awareness brought forth in her life by doing The Work of Byron Katie.

We have our own paths and experiences, and walk our own walks.

Could it be that our inquiry comes in just the right doses at just the right time?

Who would we be without our stressful thinking, our terrified thinking, our fear of the future or of reality?

It’s worth finding out.

It may not be comfortable to inquire, to live a new way, and, what’s the alternative?

Ongoing suffering.

And that is worth questioning.

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Something terrible is going to happen in two weeks (+4 wonderful events that are going to happen)

I’ve just returned from five days deep in the woods of Breitenbush Hotsprings, Oregon. Tom Compton and I had the best time together sharing The Work. We loved the collaboration so much, we’re doing it again next year. Stay tuned for updates for Breitenbush June 2020.

One week from today on Thurs June 27th 7-9 pm, in Seattle at East West Books, a wonderful evening with The Work. $30, please register here. Can’t wait to meet you in person if you’re able.

Summer Camp for The Mind, an online group for doing The Work (beginners to experienced–everyone welcome) starts July 8th.Come to one, or all, live sessions. We meet online on a forum, we share a session live Monday-Friday (pick the days that work best for your time zone) and everything’s recorded so members can listen to any session as their own meditation in The Work. Read about the schedule and how Summer Camp works here.

Divorce is Hell: Is It True? begins again for 8 weeks starting Sunday August 18th 11 am PT. My friend and colleague Nadine facilitates this enlightening course with me, and we did sell out last time we taught it. Course ends 10/13. Register here.

And….my favorite. A Virtual Year of Inquiry. What a wonderful experience of getting to know others so deeply through sharing The Work together for an entire year online (retreats are an optional add-on). Just. Wow. Right now this month YOI is in our last month together before we all enter Summer Camp For The Mind in July, and I secretly hope every single person re-joins as a repeater, LOL. Read about Year of Inquiry which begins Sept 10th or 12th here.

Sometimes, I begin to get super excited just thinking about the summer unfolding, the activity and joy of camping, travel, weddings, outdoor concerts, evenings where its light until 10 pm….

….and the preparation for a new fall inquiry group who will share an adventure together for an entire year.

This has become the norm in my summer.

It didn’t feel that way at first.

Something terrible is going to happen….How do you react when you think that thought?

I was anxious, looking on the calendar, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things I needed to do: learn the technology, make the announcement, promote (ugh), share, offer, set up all the links and buttons so people could find out how to join and learn how to be in the forum.

The other day, I sat with an inquirer who was wanting to make something happen (get a job) and it reminded me of the dreadful feeling of responsibility for our survival, or our success, or what we believe is needed for happiness or comfort.

In my case several years ago, my list looked like this for the summer “plan”:

  • I need participants
  • I have a deadline
  • I need to create a great webinar that helps people ‘get’ The Work and Year of Inquiry
  • I must offer as much as possible every day, so people understand the value of doing The Work (virtual summer camp was born)
  • this is a huge project
  • this has to work
  • I need to support myself and my kids (and the way it will happen is with the programs I offer)
  • I need the money
The pressure to acquire money, as you know, sent me through the roof in anxiety in the past (especially by 2009) after the shock of divorce, believing I couldn’t make it, losing most of my possessions, not having a job, and feeling I had no one and nothing to support me.
There was a day when I might lose my last asset: my little 690 square foot cottage.
If I didn’t get income within 2 weeks, the foreclosure process would begin.
Have you ever had something like that become dire? Like a time bomb is ticking or the fuse has been lit, and it’s only a matter of minutes or days before “KABOOM!”
Funny that the word we use is the word “dead-line”.
A little dramatic, right?
Apparently a Civil War term, when someone in prison crossed a particular boundary line, they were shot. Dead.
But it feels like I will die, unless….
Let’s do The Work on this.
What’s your great fear that if you don’t do “x” you’ll be up sheit- creek without a paddle, as they say? You’ll be in dire straits. You’ll be dead.
It will be terrible, soon. Doomsday is coming.
Is that true?

 

Yes.

When I sat on my couch with a mortgage bill, and $10.16 left in my bank account, I felt sheer terror. I could hardly breathe. I mentally attacked the people who I believed was responsible for putting me into this position.

It was true. Bad things are coming, and soon.

But can you absolutely know it’s true that a crap result is right around the corner? Are you absolutely positive you’re in big trouble, or that your very life is threatened?

No.

I knew that not making enough money or having enough money to pay for my housing wouldn’t kill me. I knew that not having clients or customers, and taking the time to sleep, rest, do The Work, relax had to be OK.

I was aware I could relax WHILE looking for work. I could do the very best I could, and see where this went. I couldn’t guarantee any outcome, but I could know I did my best.

And I couldn’t in any way know what would happen in 2 weeks, or in the next Year of Inquiry group. No way to know any of this at all.

How do you react when you believe if you don’t do x, then something terrible will happen? How do you react when you think bad things are coming, and soon?

TERRIFIED!!

Images of lying on the sidewalk cold, shivering, dying, starving, homeless, lost, abandoned, needy.

For me, images of lying depressed in my mother’s basement, unable to stand up again on my own two feet. Images of never regaining the lifestyle I used to enjoy, the things, the opportunities, all the fun learning, the home, the creativity, the joy with my kids, the adventure, the social connections, the reasons to live.

Seeing myself as an elderly person who in the entire second half of her life never succeeded, who went on welfare and had to be supported by the state. Total failure. Bad mother.

A horribly depressing picture of the nearing future. Doomed.

But who was I without the thought that bad things are coming?

This is not about being in denial, like fake affirmations where I’m pretending a deadline doesn’t exist.

Without the belief “bad things are coming, and soon”….

….I notice this moment on the couch with $10.16 is very quiet, peaceful and supportive. I have a couch. I have a cottage. I’m breathing. I’m OK in that very moment. I even have two apples in the fridge and some canned food in the cupboards.

Without the thought of doom and gloom, I actually sit for awhile, and then I move. I’m listening to ideas in my mind that feel interesting or positive. I’m asking people for their ideas. I’m connecting, wondering out loud. I’m reaching out.

Without the belief in Impending Doom, I am very alive. Something kicks in like in the movie Apollo 13  “Houston….we’ve got a problem”. I look for my think-tank and my friends. I pool my resources. I go out.

All is not lost right now. This is not two weeks from now. This is today.

Not in denial. Responding to the circumstances. No complaints, just moving. Go.

Turning the thought around:

It will be wonderful, soon. Joyday is coming. (It is wonderful right now, happiness is here). 

Why couldn’t this be just as true, or truer?

Without my thoughts about the future, this moment is actually brilliant. Peaceful, supportive, non-threatening. I can use determination and fired up energy to respond to what’s happening.

I hear Byron Katie’s voice saying, about a dire, threatening situation in the past; “Were you OK?”

I notice I’m here now, despite going through threatening and hard situations.

Turning my thoughts around again: my thinking will be terrible soon, only in my thinking is doomsday coming. 

My thinking is actually terrible now. 

But only my thoughts. I can live with terrible thoughts–so far they’ve never killed me. They are invisible, they are only inventions of imagined future. I can notice that right here what I see, touch, feel, sit with is much more peaceful than my thinking.

“Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it. But only, always.” ~ Byron Katie

On my facebook live “show” this past Monday, I offered inquiry on nearly the same thought. Something terrible impending. Watch it here.

Love to hear about your adventures in believing something might very well go wrong, and noticing….

….it didn’t.

Share your experience with me, either on facebook or as a comment on Grace Notes on my website right here.

Inspiring to hear of The Work and freedom, and your share might help someone else who’s really scared right now.

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Is there a wrong way to practice The Work?

Someone had to cancel their attendance at autumn retreat starting Weds due to medical emergency (she’s OK but going through a procedure on Thursday).

This means….we have room in retreat for you, plus a room available for you to sleep in a king size bed with plush beautiful pillows and comforter and everything you need, an absolutely gorgeous huge bathroom with a claw foot tub, and the peace and quiet of a retreat that shines a light on your inner transformation.

But, you don’t have to stay onsite to come. I myself commute daily the mile from my cottage to this beautiful house.

Last year, someone in fall retreat was chuckling with surprise at the antique flavor, the elegance, the hot tub, the quiet garden grounds in the middle of a large city like Seattle. Our retreat house was built in 1918. There’s a grand feel to the place.

Like a haunted mansion. LOL.

Isn’t that what it’s like sometimes in our minds, with all the thoughts, stories, memories, or nightmares from our past, or imagined future?

I love this time of year to question the haunted thoughts in our minds.

So, no matter where you are….you can bus, drive, hitch-hike, fly and you still have three days to call in “well” to your job. Come join us in the brilliance of doing The Work at this magnificent place only ten miles north of downtown Seattle. Hit reply if you have questions for me, and just ask.

************************

I receive a whole lot of brilliant, challenging and honest questions about The Work.

I got two this past week alone.

Different people from very different parts of the world asked these two separate juicy questions:

a) Do you think the work can be the only tool one uses in mental health therapy?

b) Isn’t all this self-inquiry kind of, well, self-centered?

Such great questions.

Every situation and every person is unique, even though we humans are so similar. But I can share with you my own ponderings, and you can sort out your own answers, as always.

First, I like to think about where my question comes from? Is it from my fearing mind, or a relaxed one?

I used to agonize endlessly about decisions and if I was doing something “right” or not. One thing I recognized was the belief I had about doing it “wrong” or making a mistake and the honest need to question that it was possible to do it wrong in the first place. I like to ask, when making decisions or wondering about something:

Is the question arising out of fear and urge-to-protect, or self-compassion, love and joy? Am I afraid something will go wrong?

If you’re asking Question A (can you use only The Work to address mental health issues?) then I love going further into it like this:

What part of me is asking? Who wants to know? Is it a voice that’s suspicious, or worried about using other therapeutic tools? Or is it a wise and loving voice?

(My thought is, why wouldn’t I use other therapeutic help, if it was in front of me and inviting or interesting?)

Sitting with these questions and noticing peace in the presence of your reflections can be so sweet, so easy.

Is a decision necessary? What do you notice works for you today, right now in this present moment?

With the second question, Question B, (“isn’t inquiry too self-centered?”) there could be a few things also to ponder:

What does self-centered mean for you? Like is there something you believe you’re missing, because you’re spending time questioning your thoughts or stressful memories?

What’s the worst that could happen, if you’re self-centered? Who is this “self’ that The Work is centering around?

I’ve had the thought in the past that if I meditated all day (or did The Work all day)….I’d be a lump of unproductive clay (unproductive sh*%t) and leave nothing to the world and offer absolutely no important wisdom.

But can I be sure the thing I’m expecting as an outcome is for sure going to happen?

No.

I love rolling up my sleeves and being in action. My capacity to be active and alive out in the world seems to be far more expansive since I’ve been doing The Work. The caution I once had is massively reduced.

It feels really good.

Who would we be without our stories, including our stories about inquiring into our stories….or receiving other kinds of therapeutic help?

I’d be open to however this is going, and however it changes.

If you walk through the world without suffering about what’s happened in your life in any area, who knows what amazing actions you might take and incredible things you might offer us all.

If you can’t take the spot in retreat starting Wednesday night, today there’s room for two at half-day retreat. We begin at 2 pm and end at 6 pm. Come on over.

Much love,
Grace
P.S.
Breitenbush HotSprings Resort Retreat is Dec 6-9. $245 tuition before 11/1 (you add your lodging and all meals are included–it’s a very sweet winter deal).

Posted on

The Work of Byron Katie Free First Friday – ending our own suffering

First Friday Inquiry Hour is 7:45 am – 9:15 am Pacific Time.

Join me live right here. Audio only. Use phone or WebCall to connect for free and be heard (should you decide to share). If you prefer to be listen-only then connect using Broadcast.

The options for joining First Friday sometimes don’t appear until 15 minutes before the call. Come at 7:30 to take your virtual seat on the call.

Can’t wait to do The Work with you.

This past week, in the very same format as First Friday,(everyone gathering via teleconference) a profoundly stressful thought appeared from one of our group members in Year of Inquiry.

About mother.

She should have stopped the suffering.

I witnessed precisely this same thought a few weeks ago on retreat, and the same thought in a retreat last year.

I’ve sat individually with others investigating at this thought.

I’ve felt the rage of wanting Someone Else to fix it, and believing I was unable–but they were.

They should stop the suffering!

She should take us to safety. He shouldn’t have let this happen. They shouldn’t have taken such risks.

I remember believing this about my father and mother.

We’re driving in our van on a dirt road through tall yellow grasses. My mother is looking tensely at a map and speaking sharply to my father who is driving and saying “this has to be the right road, there aren’t any other roads!”

The sun is getting low.

I sense we were supposed to be somewhere by now, wherever our destination is for the night. My three sisters and I have been playing word games and looking out the window at the African landscape.

We hear gun shots.

In the distance I see a lone house begin to come into view in the orange light. Someone is standing and waving their arms back and forth above their head in the way that appears to be a universal sign for “Look here! Over here!”

We bump down the dirt road, my dad stops the van, and grown ups are talking to one another while we four kids are still in the car. My parents come back to say we’re not staying here, we still have a ways to go to get to the peanut farm.

Nothing more happened. Nothing terrible occurred.

But there was so much tension in the air, I still remember it quite vividly. The fear, the sharp words, the not knowing what was happening or where we were exactly (a country called Rhodesia).

When we get to the peanut farm, the white family greets us (we are also white) and there are whispers about the dangers, but we’re ushered into comfortable bedrooms with mosquito netting.

I look back and learn of that year we were on the road, and all the insane political events happening very close. I wonder about my parents taking us to dangerous places.

Is it true they should have stopped?

No.

The situation I describe was nothing compared to the other painful situations I’ve explored with brave inquirers looking at the violence in their childhoods.

You might answer “yes” to this question. The one I trusted, the one who was supposed to look after me should have taken me away from that danger.

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

This is never about condoning or passively accepting an awful situation, or saying it was good when it was not.

But what a profound question: Is it absolutely true–is the entire story true–is everything I think about this situation actually true?

For me, no.

For the inquirer in our group, even though the answer was initially “yes, it’s true”….

….we kept going.

How do you react when you believe the thought that someone (mother, father, anyone) should have protected you, done something, stopped the suffering?

Who would you be without this belief?

As I’ve heard others answer this question, the compassion that arises for the one who couldn’t protect is astonishing. The compassion and sadness for the whole situation. The heart-break for humanity.

To touch into the power of this kind of love for what we thought was dangerous, frightening, intolerable, someone-else’s-fault….what a gift.

I hope you’ll join me for First Friday in a few hours. Let’s do The Work.

Connect with us here.

No one is guilty of anything other than believing their thoughts. ~ Byron Katie

Much love,
Grace