When I look back on my life before The Work…it looks like black-and-white TV.
I actually hated my mind a lot of the time. Not friends.
Really.
I was extremely self-critical, irritable, depressive, and sometimes felt sorry for myself. I would isolate and try to fix my mind and think more positively or “snap” out of it.
And as many of you know, I had a tumultuous relationship with food and eating and body image and loads of therapy to end a raging eating disorder.
When I read Loving What Is in 2004, I was profoundly moved.
I thought it was a brilliant idea.
I sat down to “do” this thing called The Work, and I had to keep opening the book and saying to myself..”What do I do next? What’s the question? Wait, What? Is it absolutely true? I have no idea, that’s the problem here!…”
Quit.
Yah, I’d give up pretty fast in frustration and confusion.
But I knew there was something there, it was so amazing to me to have read all the inquirers in Loving What Is and what people had accomplished and experienced, including Byron Katie herself, through questioning their stressful thoughts.
Why are some people able to drop into The Work quickly, and create a sense of inner peace in their lives, along with success around what they highly value….and others find themselves confused, upset or resistant to their minds and the way they’re thinking?
It seems as if some people who learn about The Work of Byron Katie grab and pen and paper, and sit down with enthusiasm and joy to start writing their objections to life.
I actually heard someone say this after she read Loving What Is, she sat down and made a list of about 300 things (seriously) she objected to about life, and started at number one.
She then took each thing through the four questions, in writing on her own, and found all her turnarounds and changed her entire life.
Um, yah. But, moi? Some others of us in the human race?
Not so much.
Even though we’re pretty sure The Work works, and it sounds viable that questioning the mind chatter can lead to breakthroughs in how we observe life, and we’ve witnessed people getting it out loud as they share with us (what courage) their work on video or on retreat….
….there are persistent thoughts and stories that just don’t seem to get penetrated easily.
But I’m here to say, anyone can question their thinking, and find the freedom and inner peace that sometimes seems so elusive.
Because I’ve done it myself.
How?
Just showing up.
Yes, so simple.
But not easy. (Kinda like The Work itself, actually).
About six months after my first School for The Work (which entirely blew my mind) there I was, struggling to actually DO The Work regularly.
I’d see the thinking. I’d watch and notice it.
And then continue about my business. Grocery shopping. Cleaning the house. Applying for jobs. Worrying. Being with my kids. Making my kids dinner (badly). Trying to navigate a separation in my marriage at the time that felt horrible. Signing up for a ton of classes like dance, qigong, and other personal growth techniques.
Did I stop, sit down, and write my thoughts on paper?
Oh no, no, no. Who wants to see those thoughts on paper? Eeew.
The resistance was entering again that left me in a cloud bank of fog and an unwillingness and negativity about doing The Work itself.
Who am I to think I could be successful? To be truly peaceful within? To love and accept myself and MY MIND (that enemy of mine)?
Who was I to imagine I could find my own answers and turn towards myself with respect, care…..loving kindness?
I said things to myself like “if I was really so capable of finding peace, I would have it by now. I’ve gone to The School, I’ve written worksheets, I’ve had insights on my family of origin and traumas from the past….shouldn’t I feel good all the time, 24/7?”
(My perfectionism and expectations for who I should be were hard nuts to crack).
Thank goodness someone called me from that first 2005 school I attended, and said A) let’s partner regularly in The Work and, B) there’s an online class in The Work where students meet once a week for 2 months, let’s sign up.
At the time, 2005, I had never heard of an online class. These were telesessions.
Everyone dialed in, we did The Work.
I called my partner every Monday morning with a worksheet or a one-liner. I became more and more honest about my ridiculous, childish, aggravating, outrageously dramatic thoughts.
My partner listened. She didn’t have to coach me. This was The Work. Simply questioning the thinking, the painful story.
I started to feel clearer, better. I dared to speak out loud, to do The Work on the group calls, to stay connected with this new partner long after the class was over.
I was witnessed. Other people could share their observations, and learn about who I was and my tendencies and worries.
I didn’t have to do it alone.
Wow. What a concept.
So I suppose you could call my process of deep internal questioning that is The Work the slooooooooow turtle approach.
Except, to be honest, I didn’t DO The Work until I did it with others, until I had homework and accountability and a schedule with The Work.
Here’s a little secret: I still lean towards putting The Work off, if my mind got left to its own devices.
The ideas of the mind are “who cares about inquiry, let’s go to a movie. Life is for living, let’s plan some kind of escape travel somewhere.”
I know to say “oh you cute little mind, you. We can go to a movie in awhile, but first, let’s look at the movie playing in the head–the one causing disruption, failure, sadness, rage, procrastination”.
And we begin.
Four questions and finding turnarounds.
It really really really takes practice.
There are a lot of characters in this mind to work with, a lot of screamers and criers and agonizers and worriers.
A turnaround I’ve found is that it helps me relate to everyone, every thought ever produced.
Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing we need to hide. All characters of human consciousness are welcome here.
Year of Inquiry is a way to give the mind a gift of being questioned, as a practice. No expectation of finding total enlightenment in 3 weeks, or anything crazy like that.
We simply dive in, sanely, to the process….sharing the road to freedom together.
What I’ve found by doing The Work with a regular practice is the gap between intense drama or depression and awareness closes.
In just the right order, right timing, right process.
As I’ve done The Work, other experiences have presented themselves in my world and I’ve followed them. New books to read, different sorts of retreats, silent meditation, a deep happiness at being right where I am.
(I have never lived longer in any home than the little cottage in which I live now, where I’ve been for 14 years–always too restless before).
This Year of Inquiry starts next week. Registration closes Sept 8th at 8 pm.
During the year you’ll get to look and watch your mind, and question it.
Questioning the mind leads to a peace and freedom and success I always wanted, but had practically given up on believing it was possible for me.
I know it’s possible for you, too.
I’m ready to share The Work with you in the most safe, clear, simple way I can. I’ve learned over the years of practicing this work, and running Year of Inquiry, that when we stick with this despite inner complaining or worrying….insight comes all on its own. You aren’t missing anything. It become clear what the sages mean when they say “you have what you need inside”.
Enroll here: Year of Inquiry
I’ll send you an email once I receive notice you’ve enrolled, and we’ll set up our introductory solo session.
Beginners and experienced all take this program. Many people who have been to Schools for The Work enroll, to stay steady with their practice.
This is meditation, and we support one another like a sangha, a group of friends learning acceptance of What Is and living our turnarounds.
“Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector-mind-rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace