Posted on by Grace

Are You Too Quiet Sometimes? Speaking Up PLUS Eating Peace Webinar

Filled with regret
I should have spoken up

Today, I put together a free webinar. (Finishing touches still underway, it’ll be raw and unedited and live, tomorrow at 5 pm Pacific Time).

The webinar is: Five Brutal Beliefs to Question if you Want Eating Peace. 

But really, anyone can consider these beliefs and take them to inquiry.

You don’t have to have ever had a single compulsive bite of food.

Most people have experienced a compulsive bite of thought, however.

What do I mean by compulsive thought?

The dictionary defines compulsion as riveting, fascinating, compelling, gripping, engrossing, enthralling, captivating, irresistible, uncontrollable, overwhelming, urgent, obsessive.

Have you ever noticed your thoughts have to have this kind of energy before you actually DO something compulsive?

It’s like this: I have a thought and I believe it’s real and true.

It happens in two milliseconds flat.

Even though it makes me feel anxious, sad, angry, or unhappy….

….I’m a believer.

It doesn’t cross my mind to question whether or not the idea was true, or to question my conclusions, or the stressful things I’m imagining.

Nope, I simply decided without question what that person said about me, or what happened, or what will happen, and what I’m feeling, are threatening.

What’s happening isn’t good.

Help! Help! Help!

(Cut to chicken running around with head cut off).

Most people when they get scared, and they don’t know how to, or remember to, inquire into their mind running the show….

….then begin to do everything possible to CALM DOWN.

Compulsion, addiction, temporary insanity, craving, urges, driven, wild, frenzied, wanting, needy, desperate, grabbing, crying, wailing, screaming, self-pity….

….oh boy.

The drama! The excitement!

And I know….the extreme suffering.

We can joke around about the experience of compulsive behavior, but it’s not really that funny if you’re in the middle of it.

I can even look back at my past life 30 years ago and feel sad that it was so hard.

(But I did question once “I ruined and lost my twenties” and found it was not true).

So who would you be without believing your mind is telling the truth?

I know this is an enormously huge question, and might make some a bit skittish.

(How will I know what’s true if I don’t have a mind? How will I protect myself if I don’t believe what I’m thinking? How will I be sane, or safe, if I don’t believe my stories?)

But it’s sooooo interesting and wonderful and exciting to imagine the freedom.

To notice you ARE the freedom.

Today, as it happens sometimes, not only was an individual client questioning thoughts about speaking up, but the Year of Inquiry group was as well.

We looked at the concept: “she shouldn’t have said that in front of everyone”.

I could find a situation immediately where a co-worker spoke up to our boss during a meeting, saying something about me I felt very embarrassed about….”Grace comes in late all the time, and makes lots of mistakes.”

She shouldn’t have said that.

I remember the feeling I had. The red hot face, the shame, the absolute rage at her later on.
Inside my head I was saying “I HATE HER!!!”
And to my friends, too.
Who would I be without the belief that co-worker so long ago shouldn’t have accused me, shouldn’t have said that?
Noticing how very safe I was, and supported. Noticing how kind our supervisor was, and clear. Noticing I never got fired, or reprimanded badly, and I got a raise later on and cleaned up my schedule and my too-speedy work.
She called me, in fact, to a more confident, clear, directed version of ME.
She should have said that.
 
Woah. True.
Turning the thought around again: I shouldn’t have said that.
 
The inquirer on our group call said “Well, I didn’t say anything!” So her examples were more about what she said to others, or said in her own mind, or said to herself.
But then we found a really juicy other turnaround, that very much fit in this particular situation: I shouldn’t have stayed quiet.
 
Who was believing, immediately, without question, that she was wrong, or being shamed, or being charged with a crime, or stupid, or hated?
That was ME.
The fear was immediate and burned deeply…..I am not good enough, she doesn’t like me, something terrible is going to happen, I can’t speak up.
None of these things were ever said out loud, at all.
Ever.
Just a few simple other words (which in my case were completely accurate).
If you’re the type of person who is too quiet, sometimes….
….you may want to explore why.
Perhaps it really WAS safer to stay quiet and not speak up (in which case, good for you for making a wise choice).
But if you’re still worried when someone confronts you, you may want to do some deep inquiring, and see if what you’re believing is actually true.
To practice living this turnaround today, I got this idea to do the webinar I mentioned.
It may not be perfect, I may fall over my words, I might not get my point across clearly, you might think my voice is dorky, the pictures or slides may not make total sense….
….but that’s what you risk when you speak up.
You risk having it go very badly (chuckling now).
Turning it all around in the most remarkable way to imagine the future without suffering:
I am willing to speak up and someone saying I shouldn’t have.
I look forward to speaking up and someone saying I shouldn’t have.
It could definitely happen.
“‘But Katie, someone might say, ‘isn’t fear biological? Isn’t it necessary for the fight-or-flight response? I can see not being afraid of a growling dog, but what if you were in an airplane that was going down–wouldn’t you be very scared?’ Here’s my answer: ‘Does your body have a fight-or-flight response when you see a rope lying on the path ahead of you? Absolutely not–that would be crazy. Only if you imagine that the rope is a snake does your heart start pounding. It’s your thoughts that scare you into flight-or-flight–not reality.”~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
If you’d like to join my webinar tomorrow, Wednesday at 5 pm Pacific Time, then click this link here to register (kinda proud of my art work creation webinar page registration, so much fun to learn).
Click Here To Register for Eating Peace (Thinking Peace) webinar.
Watch my introduction here:
Much Love,

Grace

Room for plenty more still, starting Friday, with 3 days of Eating Peace. Clean up your inside thoughts, clean up your eating. October 9-11, 2015. For more information, click here.