By definition, a process is a series of actions, steps, adjustments, movements….all working together towards an end or a direction. A procession is a collection of people moving as a part of a greater whole, towards the same destination.
There’s an awareness of “time” with a process, but also action, movement, motion, flow. Going from there, to here. Or here, to there.
I love that eating peace is a process, just like “thinking” peace.
We’re identifying our stressful thoughts, watching what happens when we believe them (including the way we eat) and wondering what it would be like to not believe those thoughts.
It can be a vast and wonderful experience, this process. It’s life unfolding before us. We’re learning all the way.
And guess what?
I just offered an Eating Peace webinar training this most recent Saturday morning….and learned something.
I had added a segment, and it turned out to be waaaay too big a bite to chew. (I love those eating metaphors).
I learned that I need to remove the extra I wanted to offer–I get so excited about supporting people to enter an eating peace process–and leave it as “plenty” or “enough”. There’s always more we can learn, you know? And we don’t have to learn it all at once.
Just like meals. We don’t have to eat it all at once.
Food will be there again for us to enjoy when the body is once again ready. No need to pack it all in now.
If you missed the too-long Saturday webinar, join me for Tuesday’s webinar at 4 pm PT OR Thursday’s at 8 am PT. I love offering this webinar live and sharing it with you. I’ll answer questions about the Eating Peace Process and share about the content of the in-depth program at the very end.
Let’s question our thinking, watch what gets adjusted naturally….notice what works, what doesn’t. We’re refining our perceptions of reality, we’re dropping our stressful thinking (which doesn’t work) by investigating it closely. We’re opening up to movement in the direction of peace without blame, violence, control, or self-hatred.
What I notice is as we question our thoughts, find our own answers, we become deep experts in our own inner world.
When you have an inner world you’re open to exploring….peace arises in the mind.
Thinking peace leads to eating peace. No other option really.
What absolutely thrilling excitement of the very best kind to sit with those who came to the webinar immersion class yesterday. Slides, concepts shared, my experience, people asking great questions.
Webinar Immersion: Ten Barriers That Can Keep The Work…From Working. It’s so much information. An entire 90 minutes of sharing what’s blocked my own work or hearing what’s made others hesitate, these ten “barriers” I’ve named. I talk about Year of Inquiry for all of you interested, at the very end. Listen to the recording HERE. And thank you, thank you, for being here.
And I had so much fun afterwards going live on Facebook. What a nut case. I actually crack myself up sometimes (OK I do that a lot–no one else is laughing, except me).
But here I am being excited about the upcoming (today!) Being With Byron Katie Retreat, plus all the people who were with me on the Ten Barriers webinar. Check out my video HERE.
I just love The Work, that’s all.
I love sharing The Work. I love seeing people get amazed at their own inquiry process. I love finding my own personal discoveries in the middle of hard times, painful experiences, loss, worry or fear.
It’s stunning, really.
I continuously get floored by the people I work with. They are so courageous and so brilliant. Wow.
I’m sure I actually need every single person who comes my way.
You all show me how to sit in The Work and find answers, and answer the questions.
When I receive payment for facilitating this work, it’s fairly remarkable. The exchange could be the other way around. I give THEM some kind of payment, or gift. Because the person sharing their inner thoughts, and then reading it and giving it up to inquiry, is brave, and clear, and so very inspiring to me.
They have no idea they’re bringing me freedom, by having us look at the story together. I get to explore and investigate this terrible, stressful, difficult situation….and THEY brought it to ME.
Sometimes the voice within says “wow, I wonder if there can be any peace in this situation they present?”
There always is peace. Every time.
Everyone shows me where.
So today, thank you ever so much for bringing your work to the free First Friday calls, for showing up with all your sharing and questions during the Ten Barriers webinar, for joining me to watch and participate in Being With Byron Katie.
There is still room if you can make it today (we’re in Seattle), to sit with us in retreat for 4 days and spend time in silence, and with Katie. Everyone there gets to watch anything you miss through Sept 30th.
And you know that relationship, that event, that situation, that issue, that problem?
You can inquire. It’s so possible to take a good look, and explore what’s true for you about what went down.
“There’s only one thing harder than accepting this, and that is not accepting it.” ~ Byron Katie
If I can help you in any way with inquiry (secretly it’s if you can help me in any way with inquiry) then please ask. I will share with honestly what it’s been like to stick with self-inquiry, even when I didn’t like it. I wasn’t sure what else to do, so no real alternative, honestly.
Question your thinking, change your world. Seriously.
Tomorrow: FIRST FRIDAY open free inquiry jam for everyone and anyone. 7:45 – 9:00 am Pacific Time. Join HERE. You’ll see your options for connection when you visit this link about 20 minutes before the session begins.
Then….also tomorrow, Friday July 7th from Noon-1:30 pm PT one of my favorite courses to offer: Ten Barriers To ‘Getting’ The Work, And How To Dissolve Them. A little different every time, and I will record it for all of you who can’t attend. To attend join me HERE. At the very end I’ll share and answer your questions about the Year of Inquiry, which is now accepting registrations for fall.
And if this wasn’t enough for our hungry inquiring minds, I absolutely loved the Opening Day to Summer Camp For The Mind yesterday morning. Tonight is the second option, Thursday Opening Day Summer Camp 7/6 at 5:30 pm. Three hours of a little mini-retreat for you virtually. This is audio only, you listen and write and listen and write and share if you’re drawn to give feedback or comment….or if you’re bravely up for doing The Work out loud.
I get amazed at how 3 hours goes by so fast. Such great questions from everyone, even from the very first steps of filling out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.
Sometimes at the very beginning of a mini-retreat, or stepping into a session of The Work, we have a few stressful thoughts. One of them can be….where do I even begin when it comes to The Work?
Yesterday, I had people start with a little quiet, to write in a short list what they felt most disturbed by in their lives. Not too long a list, not too short.
You do hopefully just the right amount of writing to open the door to what wants to be investigated, for you.
Maybe you write down the names of people who bug you. Or who you don’t feel forgiving towards. Or who you feel hurt you. Or other issues you’re bothered by in your life–like your body, a sickness, an unpleasant surprise.
Here’s a key that’s really helped me over time to get into my inner world and my own work: It almost doesn’t even matter what our situations are. The FEELINGS are the important key.
I feel bad about…..
I feel troubled about….
I feel sad, worried, angry, scared, furious about….
Anything uncomfortable is a moment worthy of inquiry. Either lightly disappointing, or absolutely terrifying.
Your feelings are the brilliant compass, or the fog horn, that tells you something’s up. Something needs your attention.
I didn’t used to feel this way, truth be told.
If I was uncomfortable, my first order of business internally was to figure out when I could get to safety, how I could distract or change my feeling, how to fix the situation, and how to feel better ASAP.
Look directly at the feelings and the situation?
No thanks.
I never realized I could question my assumptions. Like, the biggest one being that the situation is an actual problem.
I always just assumed it was. Of course it’s a problem! I’m upset! That proves it is worthy of upseted-ness!
Ahhhh, my little grasshopper, says the wise part of ourselves from somewhere perhaps distant, or over the horizon….’Are you sure that if you feel uncomfortable or troubled, you have a problem?’
I was already out the door, knowing I had a problem on my hands. I was already eating something, or gossiping, or planning which movie I’d be going to, or smoking–because, I needed to take the edge off the feelings. FAST.
It was an emergency, after all.
That’s what feeling strongly felt like.
I had a core underlying belief (which is one of the ten barriers I’ll talk about in the webinar Friday by the way that sometimes blocked my inquiry): Do Not Feel.
It hurts. Don’t do it.
How do you react when you believe feeling in a big way is bad, difficult, to be avoided, terrifying?
I spend huge amounts of energy trying to have a great poker face. Even on the inside. I personally developed wild eating behaviors, called disordered eating (no kidding) because of believing I must never be angry or afraid.
So who would you be without this very stressful belief that feeling big feelings is bad?
Wait. You mean….Huh?
But it IS bad. I hate seeing grown people go on a rampage, or act rude, or cry in public, or start yelling. It’s so….scary! I don’t like it when kids do it, come to think of it!
What if you didn’t know it was scary though? What if it was like the weather….sometimes cold, sometimes hot, sometimes stormy, sometimes wild, sometimes very still, sometimes wet, sometimes windy?
And yes, sometimes weather is a bit frightening. Although, I must admit, the more I’ve gotten comfortable with my feelings, the more willing I am to be in any kind of weather, without severe disturbance. I’m not chasing tornadoes, I’m not even thinking of them. There aren’t any in my neighborhood.
Who would you really be, without your belief that feelings need to be shut down, avoided, crushed, obliterated, cut off, controlled?
I’d feel them.
They’d course through me, sometimes with huge heart-breaking waves, or fist-gripping punches.
Then they’d fade away.
I remember Eckhart Tolle speaking once about big feelings, as he watched two swans attack each other, fight, and then move away from each other. He noticed they both shook and shook, as they glided in opposite directions, as if the fighting was spasming through them and out of them. Then their bodies settled down and relaxed.
Maybe it could be the same for us.
Turning the thought around: It’s safe to have big feelings. It’s dangerous to NOT have them, or to suppress them. It’s good to feel.
How could this be truer?
Oh so easy for me to find, now.
It allows me to address the upset directly, to wonder what’s disturbing me, to explore the inner landscape, to be a part of the human race–someone with reactions and perceptions and a mind worthy of listening to and questioning.
My feelings were what saved my life–they were so distraught and getting so twisted up inside, I had to disconnect from the “normal” path, and get help. They brought me to inquiry.
Becoming more open and familiar and loving towards my own feelings made me someone who could sit with other people having their feelings, and not be afraid. I don’t even have to know what to say, or do. I can just be there.
“It is what you’re believing that is the cause of those feelings and emotions. It’s so important to get in touch with how you react when you think this thought. All of the sudden you have a gifting of emotions to wake you up.” ~ Byron Katie
Even if you’re not sure what you’re believing that led to your troubled feelings, you know at least you’re thinking something. Remembering something. Worried about something.
The feeling is the clue. And with The Work, you can discover what’s behind the curtain–that stressful belief, waiting to be investigated.
Join me tonight for Opening Day, and if you want to come on board the Peace Train, to find peace towards your feelings and your thinking….Summer Camp for The Mind is a great place to share inquiry. Find out all about it HERE). We meet for our shorter 90 minute sessions every week day from July 12 – August 18.
“True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can’t be gained by interfering.”
~ Tao Te Ching #48
This includes feelings running through the body. Letting them go their own way. Not fighting them, the way I did all the time.
Instead of interfering with force…..try The Work.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. I am so excited my hands are clapping because Saturday is Being With Byron Katie. Instead of a webinar or telesession, we’re gathering in person together to watch Katie for 4 days (or however long you can join us) to be in silence and The Work and watch the retreat via streaming. Still room for 2 more, just hit reply if you want to come. Amazing group of people. I can’t wait! If you are dying to attend and you can only do it with financial help, please let me know. Find out more or sign up right HERE.
We can joke around about the experience of compulsive behavior, but it’s not really that funny if you’re in the middle of it.
I can even look back at my past life 30 years ago and feel sad that it was so hard.
(But I did question once “I ruined and lost my twenties” and found it was not true).
So who would you be without believing your mind is telling the truth?
I know this is an enormously huge question, and might make some a bit skittish.
(How will I know what’s true if I don’t have a mind? How will I protect myself if I don’t believe what I’m thinking? How will I be sane, or safe, if I don’t believe my stories?)
But it’s sooooo interesting and wonderful and exciting to imagine the freedom.
To notice you ARE the freedom.
Today, as it happens sometimes, not only was an individual client questioning thoughts about speaking up, but the Year of Inquiry group was as well.
We looked at the concept: “she shouldn’t have said that in front of everyone”.
I could find a situation immediately where a co-worker spoke up to our boss during a meeting, saying something about me I felt very embarrassed about….”Grace comes in late all the time, and makes lots of mistakes.”
She shouldn’t have said that.
I remember the feeling I had. The red hot face, the shame, the absolute rage at her later on.
Inside my head I was saying “I HATE HER!!!”
And to my friends, too.
Who would I be without the belief that co-worker so long ago shouldn’t have accused me, shouldn’t have said that?
Noticing how very safe I was, and supported. Noticing how kind our supervisor was, and clear. Noticing I never got fired, or reprimanded badly, and I got a raise later on and cleaned up my schedule and my too-speedy work.
She called me, in fact, to a more confident, clear, directed version of ME.
She should have said that.
Woah. True.
Turning the thought around again: I shouldn’t have said that.
The inquirer on our group call said “Well, I didn’t say anything!” So her examples were more about what she said to others, or said in her own mind, or said to herself.
But then we found a really juicy other turnaround, that very much fit in this particular situation: I shouldn’t have stayed quiet.
Who was believing, immediately, without question, that she was wrong, or being shamed, or being charged with a crime, or stupid, or hated?
That was ME.
The fear was immediate and burned deeply…..I am not good enough, she doesn’t like me, something terrible is going to happen, I can’t speak up.
None of these things were ever said out loud, at all.
Ever.
Just a few simple other words (which in my case were completely accurate).
If you’re the type of person who is too quiet, sometimes….
….you may want to explore why.
Perhaps it really WAS safer to stay quiet and not speak up (in which case, good for you for making a wise choice).
But if you’re still worried when someone confronts you, you may want to do some deep inquiring, and see if what you’re believing is actually true.
To practice living this turnaround today, I got this idea to do the webinar I mentioned.
It may not be perfect, I may fall over my words, I might not get my point across clearly, you might think my voice is dorky, the pictures or slides may not make total sense….
….but that’s what you risk when you speak up.
You risk having it go very badly (chuckling now).
Turning it all around in the most remarkable way to imagine the future without suffering:
I am willing to speak up and someone saying I shouldn’t have.
I look forward to speaking up and someone saying I shouldn’t have.
It could definitely happen.
“‘But Katie, someone might say, ‘isn’t fear biological? Isn’t it necessary for the fight-or-flight response? I can see not being afraid of a growling dog, but what if you were in an airplane that was going down–wouldn’t you be very scared?’ Here’s my answer: ‘Does your body have a fight-or-flight response when you see a rope lying on the path ahead of you? Absolutely not–that would be crazy. Only if you imagine that the rope is a snake does your heart start pounding. It’s your thoughts that scare you into flight-or-flight–not reality.”~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
If you’d like to join my webinar tomorrow, Wednesday at 5 pm Pacific Time, then click this link here to register (kinda proud of my art work creation webinar page registration, so much fun to learn).
Room for plenty more still, starting Friday, with 3 days of Eating Peace. Clean up your inside thoughts, clean up your eating. October 9-11, 2015. For more information, click here.
