One of the most astonishing lightbulbs that lit up for me on the inside when it came to self-inquiry was when I really *got* the idea of welcoming EVERYTHING in my life.
Not just good stuff. But bad stuff.
Especially the bad stuff.
In fact, the whole point of the re-orientation or this different new view is inviting the “bad” stuff.
Bring It On.
Wait. Seriously?
Yah. Doesn’t mean you have to be thrilled about it.
This is noticing how very difficult things, even acute suffering, have interesting teachings, surprise awareness, redirections that you never would have thought up all on your own, surrender that winds up being deeply liberating.
This is the goodness….or call it acceptance if “good” is a little too much for you….in darkness.
The gift of darkness.
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” ~ Mary Oliver
Here’s where to start if you’re not so sure about this idea.
The Work.
Here is the thought. You really think it’s true:
“There is nothing good that came out of that horrible experience. When I got cancer, when I was involved with that jerk, when he left me, when she died, when she stabbed me in the back, when I made that awful decision.”
Is it true?
Pick only one troubling experience, not all of them at once. Just one.
Is it absolutely true that nothing, nothing, nothing good came from it?
No. (If you answered yes, keep going anyway).
How do you react when you believe nothing good came from that difficult time?
I spend a lot of energy making sure it never happens again. I’m afraid when I see the images of it repeating itself. I feel haunted. I’m anxious just walking around, when I remember it. I don’t sleep well. I can’t relax.
Take a deep breath. Pause a moment, with that memory that’s rough.
Now who would you be without the belief that absolutely nothing of benefit came from that experience?
I feel a possibility of relaxing. I might not relax all the way, instantly…but a peaceful pink colored light off in the distance, like the sunrise is over there.
I notice I’m breathing, alive. My heart beats. I have a pulse. I have a place to lie down. I have friends. The sky is shining. I maybe feel a thrill of interest inside, a ray of hope as they say.
Turning the thought around:
Something of great and profound benefit is coming out of that difficult experience.
What already has happened, that you could call a benefit? Even the tiniest thing?
Once you start, you may begin to find more, and more.
I had to make decisions for myself, completely independently, completely on my own….I took care of myself much better….I stopped worrying so much about perfect health all the time….I enjoyed time with friends….I became more honest and sincere and real….I discarded what wasn’t working in my life and asked for help….I felt power inside me that I never knew existed….I found love inside me at the deepest depths, no matter what was going on around me.
“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance….
….What is to give light must endure burning.” ~ Viktor Frankl
Byron Katie says, if it’s a friendly universe, what is an example of the friendliness of your life, your experience, your reality even in those darker times?
This is not fakey-fake making up positive happy face stuff.
It’s being open to seeing if this could be true, and finding genuine examples of this, no matter how small.
Even if it’s hard.
You can do this.
If you are in the seat of being someone who really wants to take time in a small retreat of only ten people, this November…
…I have a very special opportunity for those in leadership, therapists, holistic practitioners, managers, those who might wrestle with darkness or others’ darkness whose intention is to find the friendliness, or the advantage, or the openness possible in dark experiences.
This is the Serenity Retreat: Using Darkness For Good.
I’ve mentioned it before, and now there are new logistics.
We will gather Tuesday, November 11th (an awesome power number day 11/11) through Thursday, November 13th. We will dive deeply into looking at prevailing darkness, what feels too hard…death, loss, illness, tragedy, fracture.
You’ll be surrounded in nurturing luxury. Breakfast, lunch, snacks and beverages are on me for all three days. You’ll only need to care for your own dinner two evenings, your choice, your time for self-care or connection with others. The venue is pure northwest elegance.
Our first evening together, we’ll have Cheri Huber (to be confirmed shortly), insightful meditation teacher and author of “There is Nothing Wrong With You”. She brings years of wisdom to difficult life events.
We’ll move with care and willingness through the inquiry process, the power of the small group holding our investigation steady when the mind would prefer distraction, escape.
We’ll stay.
Our second evening, November 12th, we’ll have the exceptional poet guide David Whyte with us.
All participants will leave with a new level of openness towards their darkest experience, their personal challenge, their greatest fear.
Everyone will have a road map of how to turn this experience around, how to live this openness to inviting in everything.
To feeling the upmost courage with anything that could happen.
We end in the afternoon of Thursday, November 13th at 3 pm to return to our families, clients, offices, communities, and roles as guides.
To apply, please click this link. You will be given detailed information about the cost and logistics. This is only a preliminary raised hand of your interest, you will not be obligated to attend or registered just yet.
Registration for this retreat Serenity: Using Darkness For Good will close on Monday, September 15th.
And even if this is not for you at this time…go within to that dark place and discover what is really true.
You may find a clearing, for a new delight.
THE GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Jelaluddin Rumi
Much Love, Grace