I noticed a joyful zing of excitement and happiness flash through my chest the other day when thinking about the upcoming in-person March retreat for Year of Inquiry folks.
We’ll be gathering in a month for the weekend, in Seattle.
Not everyone has met, maybe they’ve only known one another from our phone calls together, or maybe they are brand new and just starting in a few weeks on the journey.
But all of them will be coming together to question their thinking, to investigate their consciousness, their beliefs, their mindset, their complaints.
It’s intimate and vulnerable. The goal is unknown.
The hopes are sometimes huge: making it through divorce, finding a meaningful career, finding balance in the body like weight loss, quitting an addictive process, finding ease with our children and being an awesome rockin’ parent, finding a mate, making more money, eliminating anger, or fear.
People have their dreams and desires, and so does everyone in YOI. And many others.
I do too.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit of an (extreme) introvert. However, I adore people. I’m good all day long without ever talking with a soul, I sort of lean that way naturally.
Nevertheless, connecting with humanity is very important to me.
Being a good facilitator of the group process, of a group organism or a family, being an effective leader, is really, really meaningful for me.
It’s my Mama Grace nature coming out.
So I have a confession to make.
I sometimes worry about my clients, my program attendees, the people in YOI, my classes….
….I want people to feel the joy of being held while they find what is just right for them on their journey, of being supported even though they are in many ways alone on their unique adventure.
I want them to feel this incredible joy of moving in their life fearlessly…even if they feel afraid sometimes (which I guess means it’s not fear-less, right?)
Sometimes this feeling has a little edge of angst.
I hope they are finding what they need, what they’re looking for. I hope they shine, I hope they take off like a rocket ship and discover who they are is dynamite!
Parents often inwardly hope this for their kids.
Best friends hope this for each other.
And what happens if the person whom you hope finds what they are looking for….doesn’t?
An excellent place for inquiry, don’t you agree?
- I hope he feels safe, secure, comfortable, thrilled
- I hope she feels loved, cherished, powerful, deserving
- I hope they feel excited, bonded, content, connected
- I hope we feel thrilled, touched, moved, evolved
How do I react when I hope for these things….and they don’t seem to be manifesting?
Humph.
Just a wee bit full of waiting. Not quite HERE.
I’m talking about the part that’s a small voice, but slightly full of wanting for these end results to occur.
Like the little kid that says “Come on everybody! I want everyone to be happy!”
A memory, an image, returns of wanting my dad to be joyful and no longer depressed, of wanting my mom to be thrilled instead of angry.
But who would I be without the these thoughts of hope?
Ahhhh….if there was no hope….
What could be wonderful about that?
“When you become a lover of what is, there are no more decisions to make. In my life, I just wait and watch. I know that the decision will be made in its own time, so I let go of when, where, and how. I like to say I’m a woman with no future…..For forty-three years, I was always buying in to my stories about the future, buying in to my insanity.” ~ Byron Katie
Without the thought of any hope for the future, for myself or for anyone, I enter the complete unknown.
I have a sense of happiness about the upcoming retreat, mystery, openness, and joy NOW, in this moment.
Without hope for anyone, or for me, I feel the destruction, the end of something…and the end of neediness, urgency, grabbing.
Deep breath.
This is fine, here, this reality, this now.
“Overcompensating is a way to avoid all of that and to dream a sweet dream that somewhere, someday down the road, all the pain will be wiped away. But in that dream of getting somewhere, you avoid the pain as it arises in your experience right now or that pain or fear that might arise if you begin to see through your dream of future and your mental certainty.” ~ Scott Kiloby
I turn the thoughts around:
- Right now he feels unsafe, insecure, uncomfortable and frightened
- Right now she feels unloved, dismissed, powerless, undeserving
- Right now I myself feel bored, separate, discontent, disconnected
- Right now we feel scared, unmotivated, unmoved, unevolved
This is what is here…can I be with this person in pain, can I be with myself in pain…without hoping it will change?
Yes.
“So the very thing you seek keeps you from the awareness of what you already have.” ~ Byron Katie
If you’re interested in exploring, for no apparently hopeful reason, your internal world….
….join Year of Inquiry starting March 7th. I have no idea if it will solve everyone’s problems, but I do know, the journey is strange, unexpected, and magnificent.
Right now.
Much love, Grace