Give Everything Up, Be Hopeless, Be Given Everything

Update on Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat June 25-29: For those of you still wishing you could come and thought there was no hope, there are a few spots left for lodging, if you’re open to sharing (very inexpensive that way):

There is a female dorm bed still free, one entire cabin available after all, without plumbing (they are very cute, cozy and private and bath facilities are a short walk away), and one free bed inside a cabin with plumbing that is occupied by a woman who is enrolled already (open to female roommate).

Our workshop only can fit two more in our gorgeous Forest Shelter meeting house….so call Breitenbush soon if you’re ready to go for it.

This is a marvelous, sincere group of truly amazing inquirers, and we have fabulous exercises planned to create an incredible opportunity for you to free yourself, literally, from your troubled thinking.

If you’ve struggled with inquiry, feeling at war….and ready to declare peace on an important situation, join us. Why not now? We can’t wait to meet everyone. Call 503-854-7174.

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Speaking of No Hope…..or Hope…..the experience of being with or without it is extremely powerful.

Every human has times of hopelessness, and times of great hope.

But it’s a tricky concept, the idea of hopefulness or hopelessness. Because it can set you off into the future very, very easily, or into the past with the blink of an eye (the blink of a thought).

Here’s what I mean.

I’m going about my day, living my life, moving from here to there. This is the present, what is happening. And inside my head there are thoughts flashing, pictures of what could be, or what was.

When a difficult or scary thing occurs, the natural experience of the mind, projecting into the future, is to prefer to avoid it repeating.

I hope that won’t ever happen again.

When a wonderful thing happens, or you hear an enticing story filled with good news, your mind naturally wants to generate that story for itself.

I hope that happens to me, I hope I can do that!

There are also reflections the mind has of the past and what should have happened or should NOT have happened, that can never be rewound, never re-lived, never a do-over.

Totally hopeless.

The thing is, you know when you’re going off into a stressful land of stories when you feel anxious, worried, sad, despairing, or unhappy about any event, whether you hope for it or hope against it.

The most simple thing to do then, I have found, is inquiry.

“This situation is hopeless” (and I am so disappointed, regretful, horrified, sad).

Is it true?

Yes. I thought I was going on that retreat, that adventure, I thought I would have succeeded with “x” by now, I thought I’d be with that person, I didn’t think I’d lose, I can’t figure it out, I failed, I can’t….

Are you sure?

No. I’m never sure. I know things can change at any moment. But careful now. Notice the ease with which the mind could slip into hoping and grabbing on and pushing forward, without rest.

How do you react when you think your situation is hopeless, and this is a terrible thing?

Rage, fury, depression, sinking into inaction, mute… OR running as fast as I can even though the timer already went off, the race is finished.

But who would you be without the thought that this hopeless situation is terrible, horrifying or eternally dark? Without the thought that you HAVE to get back to HOPING, or else?

Without the thought that all is hopeless is bad, hopeful is good….I notice something gently opens right here, in the middle of this hopeless situation.

I notice I’m alive, breathing, and there is something more here, present, without thought. Something that has nothing to do with THINKING.

How funny!

I turn the thought around: this situation is hopeless, and that is really, truly OK. All is well. No trying, manipulating, pushing, lashing out. 

Wow. Maybe there is something beyond me, beyond my own thoughts. Perhaps reality has other ideas besides the ones I myself think are best. Maybe rest is here, and love, and support.

Even out in the desert with no water left and only a few more breaths before death.

“When you’re having a relatively pleasant dream, you don’t mind so much dreaming on. But when your dream turns into a nightmare then you REALLY want to awaken from that, when you can’t stand it. That’s what happened to me. It drove me almost to suicide….When I was a child, my pain body grew very quickly…. But if this had not been the case, I would have never awakened. So retrospectively, one is grateful for one’s suffering, because eventually suffering will wake you up.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Welcome all hope being lost….and doing nothing. The greatest surrender.

“When the ancient masters say ‘If you want to be given everything, give everything up’ they weren’t using empty phrases. Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.” ~ Tao Te Ching #22

Much love, Grace

Wiping Away That Sweet Dream In The Future

I noticed a joyful zing of excitement and happiness flash through my chest the other day when thinking about the upcoming in-person March retreat for Year of Inquiry folks.

We’ll be gathering in a month for the weekend, in Seattle.

Not everyone has met, maybe they’ve only known one another from our phone calls together, or maybe they are brand new and just starting in a few weeks on the journey.

But all of them will be coming together to question their thinking, to investigate their consciousness, their beliefs, their mindset, their complaints.

It’s intimate and vulnerable. The goal is unknown.

The hopes are sometimes huge: making it through divorce, finding a meaningful career, finding balance in the body like weight loss, quitting an addictive process, finding ease with our children and being an awesome rockin’ parent, finding a mate, making more money, eliminating anger, or fear.

People have their dreams and desires, and so does everyone in YOI. And many others.

I do too.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a bit of an (extreme) introvert. However, I adore people. I’m good all day long without ever talking with a soul, I sort of lean that way naturally.

Nevertheless, connecting with humanity is very important to me.

Being a good facilitator of the group process, of a group organism or a family, being an effective leader, is really, really meaningful for me.

It’s my Mama Grace nature coming out.

So I have a confession to make.

I sometimes worry about my clients, my program attendees, the people in YOI, my classes….

….I want people to feel the joy of being held while they find what is just right for them on their journey, of being supported even though they are in many ways alone on their unique adventure.

I want them to feel this incredible joy of moving in their life fearlessly…even if they feel afraid sometimes (which I guess means it’s not fear-less, right?)

Sometimes this feeling has a little edge of angst.

I hope they are finding what they need, what they’re looking for. I hope they shine, I hope they take off like a rocket ship and discover who they are is dynamite!

Parents often inwardly hope this for their kids.

Best friends hope this for each other.

And what happens if the person whom you hope finds what they are looking for….doesn’t?

An excellent place for inquiry, don’t you agree?

  • I hope he feels safe, secure, comfortable, thrilled
  • I hope she feels loved, cherished, powerful, deserving
  • I hope they feel excited, bonded, content, connected
  • I hope we feel thrilled, touched, moved, evolved

How do I react when I hope for these things….and they don’t seem to be manifesting?

Humph.

Just a wee bit full of waiting. Not quite HERE.

I’m talking about the part that’s a small voice, but slightly full of wanting for these end results to occur.

Like the little kid that says “Come on everybody! I want everyone to be happy!”

A memory, an image, returns of wanting my dad to be joyful and no longer depressed, of wanting my mom to be thrilled instead of angry.

But who would I be without the these thoughts of hope?

Ahhhh….if there was no hope….

What could be wonderful about that? 

“When you become a lover of what is, there are no more decisions to make. In my life, I just wait and watch. I know that the decision will be made in its own time, so I let go of when, where, and how. I like to say I’m a woman with no future…..For forty-three years, I was always buying in to my stories about the future, buying in to my insanity.” ~ Byron Katie  

Without the thought of any hope for the future, for myself or for anyone, I enter the complete unknown.

I have a sense of happiness about the upcoming retreat, mystery, openness, and joy NOW, in this moment.

Without hope for anyone, or for me, I feel the destruction, the end of something…and the end of neediness, urgency, grabbing.

Deep breath.

This is fine, here, this reality, this now.

“Overcompensating is a way to avoid all of that and to dream a sweet dream that somewhere, someday down the road, all the pain will be wiped away.  But in that dream of getting somewhere, you avoid the pain as it arises in your experience right now or that pain or fear that might arise if you begin to see through your dream of future and your mental certainty.” ~ Scott Kiloby 

I turn the thoughts around:

  • Right now he feels unsafe, insecure, uncomfortable and frightened
  • Right now she feels unloved, dismissed, powerless, undeserving
  • Right now I myself feel bored, separate, discontent, disconnected
  • Right now we feel scared, unmotivated, unmoved, unevolved

This is what is here…can I be with this person in pain, can I be with myself in pain…without hoping it will change?

Yes.

“So the very thing you seek keeps you from the awareness of what you already have.” ~ Byron Katie 

If you’re interested in exploring, for no apparently hopeful reason, your internal world….

….join Year of Inquiry starting March 7th. I have no idea if it will solve everyone’s problems, but I do know, the journey is strange, unexpected, and magnificent.

Right now.

Much love, Grace