This morning the current MONEY teleclass met at our usual hour, barely light at 8 am, eagles chirping away in the pine tree where they like to sit behind my little cottage, me on my couch with my headphones connected to skype.
As people shared their thoughts from the journaling prompt, and then a situation they identified as very stressful when someone didn’t want what they had to offer….
…I marveled at how often I’ve experienced this thought, or worried about potentially having the thought, in my life:
“That person is not interested in what I’m offering”.
This can be so complex and gritty, a whole network and system of ideas and troubling beliefs.
It may or may not have to do with money.
First of all, what do I mean by “offering” something? Is that why anyone would be interested in me…at all…because they think I have something to offer them?
And what is “not interested” and how do I know it’s true that they aren’t?
Is it a look on their face, an unreturned phone call, no email reply, or are they shouting NO I AM NOT INTERESTED!
If they’re shouting, does it really mean they aren’t?
(Remember my favorite book Green Eggs and Ham? That guy Sam-I-Am kept asking ‘are you interested?’ and after 859 No’s he got a Yes).
Why was Sam-I-Am so persistent anyway?!!
So is it true that the person in question is not interested in what I’m offering? Maybe yes, maybe no.
I’m only stressed with this belief when I think they should be, when I want them to be, when I think it will be uncomfortable or sad if they aren’t.
Like that cute man one time who was a professional surfer….
YES! It’s true! That person is not interested!
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
YES. He said no. She didn’t sign up for the class. They didn’t offer me the job. He never called back. No one bought my product. She broke up with me.
How do I react when I believe that thought?
What I heard in our class today that seemed most painful was the running voice that people had about themselves.
It means (ouch) that I am not interesting. I did something wrong. It means I have nothing worth offering.
Wow, harsh.
So who would you be without the thought that someone isn’t interested and it means you aren’t interesting?
Who would you be without the thought that it might have been nicer if they had been interested?
For me…..wildly free.
Back into myself seeing what I want in the moment….what I am moved to do next.
Someone in the class said “I would be clear, I would ask a direct question”.
I might be Sam-I-Am and be having a ball asking….”how ’bout on a train? with a mouse? on a boat?”
Trying on every possibility with humor and joy.
I might hear a “no” and move on. I’d feel playful, efficient, clear.
I turn the thoughts around:
That person is not interested in what I have to offer, that person should not be interested, I am not interested in what they are offering me (a “no” for example), I am not interested in what I offer myself.
Wow, I do see where I’ve stopped asking, quit, shut down, moved away with sadness, felt disappointment, been upset with myself, no longer found myself superbly interesting…
….right in that moment when I’ve believed I want that otherperson to be interested in me.
“You have everything you need in order to be an honest human being. No one ever has to be afraid of the truth. It’s the defenses that we build around the truth that strike fear into our hearts.” ~ Byron Katie
When I stop believing that someone else should be interested in what I have to offer, I feel how fun it is to be interested in myself, and interested in my work, and interested in money, or relationships, or friendship, in a really fun way.
Oh boy!
“What the world doesn’t tell you–because it doesn’t know–is that you cannot BECOME successful. You can only BE successful. Don’t let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Today, as people say yes and no and come toward me or move away…I stay in my integrity, humor, and love for myself…
….whatever level of interest they have.
Success is present, right now. You are success.
With much love, Grace