One tricky area to question one’s thinking is when it comes to what is known as addictive behavior.
When people feel addicted, they often want to focus on stopping that behavior ASAP.
People who take my class on food and eating, for example, often feel like their number one goal is stop over-eating, or dieting, or obsessing about eating and food.
Most of us know that addictive behavior—activity that feels almost impossible to stop—has root causes. It doesn’t just appear out of thin, blue air for absolutely no reason.
Human beings have studied human behavior very deeply in an effort to understand what creates an addictive experience in a person, what drives them to it, how it happens.
Even with the careful looking, there is still some mystery about it all.
Two people in the same family, but only one experiences alcoholism. A whole army of people in a war, and some suffer drug addiction, but others don’t. One person picks up a cigarette and vomits, never touching it again…another loves something about it and keeps it up their entire life.
No two people have exactly the same experience.
My own addictive behavior began with a huge overpowering feeling to eat beyond comfort, disappointed that my stomach was full.
Something in me wanted to eat more than my body could use.
When I look back at that time, so long ago (it started when I was only a teenager) I see that for me, criticism of my body came first, before the urge to overeat. I was already doing sports and loved being athletic.
But I started looking in the swim team locker room mirror and seeing hips form, and it was bad news.
I remember saying to one of my best friends while we both brushed our hair…”just look at this horrible thing (pointing to my hip)–it looks like a shelf”. My friend, with naturally thin hips, pretended to put her shampoo bottle on my “shelf”. I laughed with her, but inside I was very anxious.
I thought I wasn’t perfect in my body. I thought being skinny was better. I thought looking bony was more appealing. I thought having a very thin, muscular legs showed discipline, power, and winning.
Girls who were thin and very athletic were better, tougher, intense, controlled. Everyone liked them, or looked up to them. They were respected.
They were POWERFUL.
I swallowed that belief….hook, line and sinker!
I heard it from people all around me, the important adults in my life, the culture, the neighbors. I knew what was true, over time. I didn’t question it.
In all the studies I’ve read of anorexia (I managed to hover at anorexic weight with no binge-eating for two years) and bulimia (a ten-year problem for me) AND other addictive experiences humans have…one thing is common:
Great suffering, feelings of sadness, fear, rage, and despair.
Of course, every single human being has, at some point in their lives, difficult feelings and unpleasant thoughts. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t.
But somewhere along the road I decided that MY feelings were destroying my chance at being thin, respected, good and powerful.
My feelings must be stopped.
I got really good at controlling myself. I didn’t show big feelings, ever.
The only thing is, this bizarre thing happened. My feelings came out like geysers in totally weird areas. Like FRANTIC BINGE-EATING and then later drinking alcohol and smoking tobacco.
The whole cycle of addictive using would feel like wild, chaotic behavior followed by being so spent I had to sleep for the entire afternoon, just to get back to “normal”.
I did many things over time to heal from this terrible, horrifying cycle. But one amazing place to start, with inquiry, is to identify some key times you felt huge big feelings.
Those situations will be “gold” for your journey. The people who scared you most, frightened you, worried you or with whom you felt mad.
It may not seem like you’re doing The Work on your addiction. You may have thoughts like “this is going to take forever” or “how is THIS going to help me stop using?”
Those are just MORE stressful thoughts, that lead to discouragement.
Your feelings are out of control, bad, overwhelming, and can’t be handled by you or others….IS THAT TRUE?
Who would you be without the thought that having a huge strong feeling is dangerous?
Your feelings may be the pointers to the most amazing areas of life to look at, question, and turn around.
Keep inquiring. Keep going. You may be close to the end of a whole wall of stressful beliefs about being alive that you may soon no longer believe in any more.
“An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy. It’s a gift that says, ‘Get honest; inquire.’ We reach out for alcohol, or television, or credit cards, so we can focus out there and not have to look at the feeling. And that’s as it should be, because in our innocence we haven’t known how. So now what we can do is reach out for a paper and a pencil, write thought down, and investigate.” ~Byron Katie
Give yourself a chance to sit with your feelings, and your memories, and find out if you can handle them.
I’m here to tell you….you can.
Love, Grace
P.S. If you want to give yourself the gift of an entire afternoon of looking at your beliefs, come to Seattle on April 6th to my little cottage and do The Work 1:30-5:30. Come back on May 18th and there’s a discount if you sign up for both. Scroll down to the In-Person workshops below to see the registration link. You never know what can change in one intensive session of self-inquiry!
Learn About All Teleclasses Here
- A Year Of Inquiry For The Addictive Mind: Life Support For The Compulsive Thinker. June 2013 – May 2014, Tuesday teleclasses * 2 in-person retreats * Relief, Peace, Group Work, Change. Click here to read all about it.
- Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, June 13 – August 8, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. No class June 27. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
- Pain, Sickness and Death: Making Friends With The Worst That Happens In Life. Thursdays, March 7 – April 11, 2013. 5:15-6:45 pm. 6 weeks $295.
- Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29 – May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
- Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Investigating the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating And Food. Tuesdays, June 11 – July 30, 2013 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
- Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 5 – August 23, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
In Person workshops:
- Mini Retreat Seattle. Saturday, April 6, 2013, 1:30-5:30 pm. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks.
- Mini Retreat Seattle. Saturday, May 18, 2013, 1:30-5:30 pm Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks.
- SIGN UP FOR BOTH SATURDAY MINI RETREATS FOR $125 – Click here to register for one or both mini-retreats:
- One-Day Retreat: Question Your Thinking, Change Your Life. Saturday, June 15, 2013, Thunder Bay, Ontario, CANADA. $175 includes workshop, snacks, wonderful catered lunch. Please click HERE learn more and to register.
- Loving Your Body Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat. June 26-30, 2013. For all the information please click HERE.
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