I wrote a long, friendly email. I sent it off. I expected a great response. A thumbs up. Instead….a no thank you. That won’t work for me.
Rejection.
Nothing like it.
We’re not talking failure. Or being forgotten. Or losing out.
REJECTION.
The word comes from the Latin word re, which means “back”, and jacere which means “to throw”. Throw back.
Like something you caught and you think…..ew. Gross. Get rid of it.
When we reject something, we notice it, and actually wish it was gone, or that we need to make it go away if at all possible.
Experiencing rejection is tough.
Energy coming from something else or someone else directed towards me, saying “get outta here!”
He rejected me. She rejected me. They rejected me.
Are you actually rejected though?
Can you absolutely be sure?
No.
Because I’m still existing. I live. I go about my daily life. They rejected me (I believe) but I’m still here, on planet earth. I can’t absolutely know I am rejected entirely, fundamentally, forever. I’m not even sure what that would look like….death? Banishment?
How do I react when I believe it’s possible to be rejected?
Ouch.
I’m very, very careful to never be rejected again. I’m cautious. I stay away from certain places, or people. I act non-rejectable. I get drawn to whatever people look like they are accepting, rather than rejecting.
I’m angry about rejection. I’m furious! I think righteously about that nasty person and what a nut-job they are. I defend myself. I’m the one who’s fine. THEY are the rejecting screw-ball. See what they’re like? I make a list of their faults. I reject them.
Who would I be without the belief they rejected me?
Wait, what?
But.
No really. Without the belief they rejected you? There they are being themselves, doing whatever they did, saying whatever they said….but you have no thought about it. You don’t know it means REJECTION.
What would that be like?
I’d see a person over there who’s acting frightened, maybe confused. Doing the best they can.
I’m over here, steady on, breathing, even open, curious.
Turning the thought around: they did NOT reject me. How could this be just as true, or truer? Even if they said “no” to you.
Well, I’m sitting in my lovely chair in my living room, looking out at the night sky beyond the window, noticing the quiet, the string lights illuminating the room. Not rejected. Living. Here.
I see that person was afraid, too. The one who I believe rejected me.
Turning it around again: I rejected myself. I rejected THEM.
Oh wow.
How did I reject myself in this situation? How did I reject them?
This is not an exercise of aggression and self-criticism. It’s for taking a look at what could also be true, and seeing this energy called “rejection” and relaxing with it, instead of fighting it.
How could I have rejected myself, in that situation, and rejected that other person?
I did rip that person to shreds in my mind, calling them “needy” and “rude” and “too sensitive”. I rejected myself by finding criticism in the way I interacted with that other person. I had thoughts like “I should have known they would be rude” when I couldn’t ever have known what they were feeling. I had thoughts about myself like “I’m an idiot” when I really was just trying the best I could.
This rejection thing I did to me, to them….just as much as I believed they did it to me.
The best way I know to find peace with this thought about being rejected, is to question it, and then live the turnaround “I am accepted”.
How is it you are acceptable? How is it you are supported, claimed, held, loved? Even in the midst of that person who is supposedly doing a rejecting thing.
I am accepted.
Can you keep finding examples?
“You need our approval, is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true you need our approval? What happens to your life when you believe you need our approval? Do you become the person THEY want you to be? You lose touch with yourself! The person you become, you don’t like. No wonder we don’t like ourselves. The person we don’t like isn’t us, it’s our facade. It’s what you pretended to be, to get our approval! But no matter what facade you put up, often you don’t get our approval anyway, and you certainly don’t get yours.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Seattle area inquirers: this coming Sunday meetup 4-6 pm at Goldilocks Cottage! Drop in, open group by donation. Let’s do The Work! For information visit HERE.