Awhile ago, someone said if they showed up in Grace Notes their heart would jump right out of their chest.
It’s not the only time someone mentioned this.
I get it. This is really personal stuff. The kind of stuff you wouldn’t like other people to read about YOU.
Which is why I always feel so connected to the people who come to me and share their thoughts, because they are bringing me my own thoughts, the ones I myself have related to, believed, felt, experienced.
They say their thoughts with energy, with conviction, with anger, with deep sadness….
….and I am right there, sometimes vividly seeing, a moment where I could also “prove” this thought to be true in my own life.
I’m literally doing The Work right along with them. I notice the sessions I do always work best when I begin to channel my own situation where I’ve had the same belief.
The other day someone commented on a Grace Note that once appeared the day after a group inquiry session.
“That was pretty intense to read the next day!” said the inquirer who had been at the group and now was sharing with me, “it was great!”
Later, it suddenly occurred to me someone in that group, the very same person whose thought I had written about, had never come back.
In fact, I hadn’t heard from her in a long time.
Oh no! Maybe she left because of my Grace Note?!
“You made a mistake, you did it wrong, you shouldn’t have written that, your words hurt someone, you went too far, you’re too honest, too bold, you need to be careful!!!”
Is it possible to be too honest?
Should you edit yourself, curb your intensity, watch your language, lest you surprise someone with your words?
You should be careful…right?
Long ago, an awesome inquirer who signed up for every teleclass I ever offered plus the very first Year of Inquiry shared with me when first listening to Byron Katie tapes from the 1990s, she couldn’t handle it.
Too much directness, too harsh!
I loved she shared this with me, because it reminded me that everyone has their own flavor and color, the tone they find most helpful….
….and here she was, still passionately doing The Work anyway, still deeply aware that questioning her beliefs was something drawing her forward, a curiosity she was following.
How remarkable she could find the nugget of gold at the center of the words and the teachings, what was being offered, and be so intrigued even if the messenger wasn’t always “right” for her.
So let’s do The Work.
You said too much, you were wrong….are you sure? Is it really true?
No.
How do you react when you find out later something you did, said, a way you looked, words, language, anything….made someone else feel uncomfortable, or hurt, or disillusioned, or sad, or personally rejected?
I feel bad.
I want to reverse time, go backwards, and “fix” it (never write it, say it, look it, feel it, do it).
I try to control myself. I make an action-plan to Never Do It Again. I threaten myself with pictures and images of what will happen if I repeat it in the future. I believe it means I don’t care, I’m insensitive, I’m a jerk.
I find other people who do it the “right” way and copy them instead.
I feel worried about the person in question. I picture them stewing over me, hating my image, planning on revenge, staying away from me, cutting me off, giving me the silent treatment.
I’ve been a source of pain, not a source of love, in their lives.
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
But who would I be without this thought?
Who would you be without the belief you personally disturbed someone’s peace?
Wow.
Without the thought my words hurt someone or caused them to judge me, I notice some interactions are super wonderful and easy, and some are weird, some are confusing, some are sad, some are frustrating.
It’s OK for me to move away from someone who’s too loud or who’s yelling or who feels uncomfortable or who acts like a creeper.
It’s OK for someone else to move away from me, too! What….is everyone supposed to love me 24/7?
Maybe this is what our preferences are for.
They show us sometimes where NOT to go.
A sadist is by definition, someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others. If God is NOT a sadist, but is love, all of reality, all that is, the way things unfold, including people who might not have liked what I wrote….then none of these movements away from me are meant to be painful.
Holy smokes.
You mean, if someone’s offended even though I didn’t mean it personally, it’s the way of it? You mean, I don’t need to work super hard to make sure everyone feels comfortable about what I say, do, or write? You mean, it’s absolutely fine if someone chooses not to like something about me?
Yes.