Each Step Along The Way, A Clearer Sense of Normal

I feel much better today, almost back to “normal” physically.

Isn’t that funny whatever “normal” is?

I was listening yesterday during my quieter time, recovering from a short bug, to an interview of me talking with my friend Roberta. (You can access the whole teleconference I was a part of right here for free for a few more hours–lots of powerful information about mind- body health).

I heard myself telling my story.

It’s funny to look back and see one’s own story, played out over time, and watch what the mind does.

While listening, I started remembering how unhappy I was when I was 19 years old, leaving for college.

So anxious, I ate and ate and stuffed myself full the night my family had a goodbye dinner to celebrate my graduation from high school and my adventures off to college.

Remembering that time, I still had the thought float through me yesterday “I should have done it differently”.

If only…..

Then it would be better…..

There’s a similar feeling when you don’t have what you want. (I’ve been talking a lot about desire lately since I started the Desire Class yesterday morning).

Uncomfortable, disappointed, uncertain, sorry.

It’s not like a big traumatic discomfort, just a melancholy breeze blowing by saying “that could have been better, you know.”

Sigh.

But The Work can be brought even to a long-distant memory so far away in the past.

Is it true that could have gone differently, better, another way? Are you sure it might have been altered if only…..?

No.

How do you react when you believe it could be improved, you don’t like the way it turned out, if only….?

I notice I feel internally dramatic. Like someone with the back of their hand on their forehead.

Sad, missing something, bereft.

So who would you be without that belief that it’d be better if it went another way?

Ha ha. Really?

Kind of hilarious, in this moment. Because how could it have possibly gone differently than it did?

I notice I have no idea how making it different would look, and if that really would alter the outcome.

I remember the amazing idea offered by Byron Katie that reality is kind.

Reality….this life….is loving. 

And it’s the truth. The real actual truth. Not my opinionated version of the truth of what happened.

Turning the thoughts around: I shouldn’t have done it differently, it went the way it went and that was very good, the whole situation could NOT be improved. 

There is no “if only…” except in imagination.

Wow.

I simply look at the memory, it floats through, it doesn’t stick inside, it’s just a picture, a sensation, an idea bouncing along, nothing personal.

Who would you be without the belief that something went wrong, and if only….?

“As you drift into spirit, these transformations take place within you. All you have to do is notice them, and you will start to notice the tendency toward the qualities of the Divine. The further back you go, the more you will see these natural qualities unfolding inside of you. Each step along the way, you get a clearer glimpse of what it must be like to sit in that Divine State.” ~ Michael Singer