How do you know when to give up something, close the door to business, say goodbye, end the relationship, wrap, call it quits?
You’ve weighed the pros and cons. You’ve made lists. You’ve hashed it out with neutral objective (sort of) friends. You’ve journaled on your decision. You’ve consulted with a mentor or trusted advisor. You’ve tried to find what your gut feeling is.
Maybe whatever you’re wanting to quit isn’t THAT big a deal.
Like you’ve got a friend who kinda bugs you, an irritating client, a marketing firm who keeps calling your phone, a neighbor who borrows things constantly.
Not matters of life or death…..although there may be big changes in your day-to-day life if you make the decision a certain way…..
…..but one thing’s for sure.
You’ve got the thought “something’s gotta change, I can’t take it anymore, this needs to stop.”
Here’s one thing I love about The Work.
By doing the work, you can get closer to what really actually disturbs you the most, and maybe even discover some interesting information BEFORE you get to the I-can’t-take-it breaking point.
“Something’s gotta change, I can’t take it anymore.”
First, ask yourself, why?
Why to you hate this interaction, this repeating situation, this person’s behavior, this difficult moment looking at your bank statement, your results?
Are you sure you have to make a decision based on your level of pain? On your level of frustration, fear, failure, or disappointment?
What if you felt really positive about that situation or person or condition so you could make the best decision possible, without your negative feelings dominating the show?
It doesn’t mean your painful feelings aren’t important, or deeply valuable.
They just aren’t necessarily what you want to base your whole decision on, you know?
Everyone almost always feels more peaceful when their decisions are loving, kind and spacious…..
…..not made from rage or bitterness.
Why do you feel like giving up? What’s the actual problem?
Write it out.
He’ll never change, she will be a better companion, my boss sucks, this never makes enough money, my business is in the tank, he’s too needy, she’s too critical, I’m too tired.
If you want….keep going with writing and identifying what’s ailing you about this difficult, troubling situation where you want to call it quits.
How do you want it to change? How could it improve?
What should happen that isn’t actually happening?
What do you think is missing? What do you really need in order to be happy?
Now you’ve got your concepts.
You can inquire.
See if they are really, really true.
Notice that how you react is…..
…..you want to say “Take This Job And Shove It! I NEVER want to see you again THIS IS OVAH!”
But who would you be without this thought?
Seriously.
What if you couldn’t believe this story was true? What if your mind didn’t have all the distaste and being against this person, in this situation?
I notice I relax. Something inside lets go of the knife-cutting anger, or the abrupt thinking, the thoughts that are so drama-queen ready to escape from Alcatraz.
Sometimes, without the thought that something is unbearable….
….people imagine “OMG, I will NEVER take action and get free from this rotten neighbor!”
I’ll never leave my job, I’ll never find the right partner, I’ll never make lots of money, I’ll never never never. I’ll lie down on the floor like a passive doormat and nothing will EVER happen.
But is THAT true? Really?
What if you turned these thoughts around: Nothing needs to change, I can take it, this doesn’t need to stop.
Holy smokes. That’s all true.
A long time ago, when I got a J-O-B, I thought “the minute I make enough money in my business, I’m outta here”.
I’m outta here in 3 months…I’m outta here in 6 months….I’m outta here in a year.
My mind constantly imagined when I was leaving, semi-resentful of my dratted job, thinking I should be focused only on my business, curses the day I had to work for someone else.
Until I realized. OMG. I need to do The Work on having this part time job I am resenting every day!
WHY was it so dreadful?
“Often these unquestioned beliefs hide superstitions which are protecting something which is untrue, contradictory, or being used as justification for behavior which is a less than enlightened.” ~ Adyashanti
I wrote it all out.
I began appreciating that job so much, I wound up loving it. I stopped thinking of the time I would leave and dropped the calendar obsessing.
And I noticed after several years, I decided to leave because my business was booming and successful, and it just wasn’t necessary to go to work anymore even though I loved it.
Now that was the best way to move on I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.
No regrets, no fear, no anger, no irritation.
Just pure appreciation.
I didn’t need rage to make a decision. Love led the way. It might sound corny, or cheesy, or weird…..
….but it’s waaaaaay easier than other things I left in a fit of anger (which weren’t exactly undone and finished in that state of feeling).
No guilt, no regret, no flip-flopping back, total clarity that the way it went was just right.
Now if YOU are thinking of making a change, you might have people who you think will be disappointed, or fear of failure. That’s another angle to making change, where you may have stressful thoughts.
Just question them. See if they’re really true.
A path may open up you never saw was there before.
Much love, Grace