Tag: michael singer

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Tasting the freedom of NO liking, wanting, hoping for Something Else

happy is over there, not over here
happy is over there, not over here

Not long ago I was working with an inquirer who heard about a friend’s new job, and felt jealous.

A month before, I worked with an inquirer who was jealous of her husband’s career success (they were in the same line of work).

Sometimes, people feel jealous around love relationships….my partner, or my love-interest, is drawn or attracted to someone else (not me) and I feel threatened.

it feels so true that this other person has it made and we haven’t made it. They’re set. They’re safe. They’re loved. They’ve arrived.

People even feel this way about other people who have “awakened” or “woken up” spiritually.

They’ve gotten “there”.

Not me.

I’m left out here in the dust without security, stability, love, peace, intimacy, popularity or success.

Wow. It’s a rough place to be.

The first thing I always notice about this kind of comparison, is that whomever we’re looking at, who has “more” of something desirable….

….we feel absolutely positive they’re having a better time than we are. They are happier, more fulfilled, doing it right, proud, satisfied, peaceful, relaxed.

Those people with all that money, fame, beauty, even those “spiritually enlightened” people are enjoying themselves.

Not me.

So I better keep trying to get over there. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll spend money, I’ll travel, I’ll go on trainings or retreats, I’ll fix myself, I’ll plan. I won’t truly rest until I get what I want.

What I want is not right here. I have to go get it.

But who would you be without thinking that happiness is achieved by getting “x” or doing “y”? Who would you be without comparing in any way?

Who would you be without believing other people are happier than you if they have “more” of something? Who would you be without the story that achieving “x” means you’re now at peace forevermore, or at least closer to it than if you didn’t achieve “x”?

Huh.

It’s weird.

Who WOULD I be?

No idea.

You mean….I can stop trying?

But. What if I lay down in the street and just let cars run over me? What if, when I stop, I die? What if I dissolve into a puddle and stop caring? Won’t that be depressing? Or sad? What if I never make a bunch of money, then, or find the perfect partner, or do that thing?

Nooooooooooooooooo!

Except.

If I don’t need that other thing in order to be happy, like I really don’t need the same job as my friend just got, what would that be like?

What if I didn’t need something called “awakening” or “to become enlightened” right NOW in order to be happy?

What would it be like to let go of all of it? No more expectations. No more plans, hopes, wishes.

No more waiting.

No. Waiting.

Ha ha.

Wheeeee!!

“That’s how powerful LIKE and DISLIKE are. They steal your entire life. They own you. They possess you. They destroy your life and they keep you from God. But if you watch this process of “like” and “dislike”….and you stop participating in this process anymore, it’s like the ants step off the treadmill. ‘I don’t care who’s ahead. I’m done with the entire process of liking and disliking’. You no longer have to stay there to monitor or participate. When you no longer play in that process, your state of being is released. At that point you are a gift to all of humanity.” ~ Michael Singer in a talk on Preferences

Much love,

Grace

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I HAVE TO to get ready….is it true?

You "have to" do stuff to get ready.... are you absolutely sure it's true you can't relax in this moment?
You “have to” do stuff to get ready….are you absolutely sure it’s true you can’t relax in this moment?

It’s one of those quiet, gray, warm early mornings in the Pacific Northwest where I live.

I love how no one else is awake in the house.

I hear the hum of the refrigerator, and the high strange chirping call of an eagle way up high in a tree in the neighbor’s back yard.

This is so peaceful.

And later on, twelve people + are coming over for what is called a barbecue. It’s my son’s birthday, he’s turning 22.

I wish it was going to stay quiet like this, right now, all day long. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be doing anything except reading, writing, continuing to clean out the shed (which spontaneously started happening yesterday, my car now packed with items to go to Goodwill).

Having people over means….you have to tidy up, clean, plan, shop, buy, cook, prepare, welcome, greet, talk, share, clean, wash. We say we’re “entertaining” guests. The goal is people are delighted, entertained, enjoying themselves.

[Daughter just entered the room, going to the bathroom and getting a glass of water before returning to bed for a few more hours, we said a few words, I had to stop writing for a minute.]

OK, back to silence….where was I?

Oh yeah, thinking about entertaining people. And being interrupted. And not feeling spontaneous, or free to do whatever I want.

I “have to” do, respond, answer a question, talk, entertain, deal with others, clean, prepare….is it true?

Not really.

I sit here. The world happens around me, full of life. I appear to be full of life as well. Heart beating. Fingers typing. Clock ticking. Thought happening. People moving here and there, into this house, out of this house.

It’s really not that big of a deal.

But what happens with that part of me believing I “have to” do stuff because people are coming over later, or I “have to” do stuff because a group is gathering together to watch Byron Katie live for four days starting Saturday, or I “have to” go buy a cake, or I “have to” enjoy a nice workout before other “have-to’s” kick in.

Ugh. How I react is I want to escape. I start thinking things like “by tomorrow, it will all be over”. Or “thank God this is a small gathering” or “do we have everything?” and running through the check list repeatedly.

When I believe I “have to” (see list) I feel trapped. So much to DO. I feel a sense of urgency. Quick Quick Quick!

With this belief, I begin to dream of quitting everything, and sitting in a cave somewhere, and no longer having email.

Strangely, and you may think this is kinda weird, but I even begin to think of the sweet mysterious unencumbered wild unknown of death, of moving on out of this body into another world, where no “have to’s” exist.

I love how far the mind goes with things. It has the idea that the only way to uninterrupted, unencumbered silence and liberation, is to no longer be alive in this world having to DEAL with what’s here.

LOL.

So who would I be without the story that I have to do anything? That in nine hours people will be coming to celebrate? That “I” have to do stuff? That in five days I must be entirely prepared for the group arriving to watch Katie together (there’s another list for THAT event)?

Wow.

Suddenly, imagining what it would be like without a future. None.

Watching a spider scurry across the wooden floor. Noticing the peace of this moment. Closing my eyes for a long pause between writing these words, drinking in wind chimes gently singing from the front porch, and silence.

[Door opens, husband comes out of room in bathrobe stretching and yawning, sits next to me for a moment on the couch. Without the thought I am being interrupted, or this shouldn’t be happening, I’m relaxed, I’m open].

Without any thoughts of the future or any “have to”, nine hours from now or five days from now, I notice the outdoors beckoning, and the joy of this inquiry, and the curiosity of opening to whatever will happen.

Something lets go, feels spacious.

We start again. This moment. At zero. No expectations, no knowing what will happen next.

“You have given your mind an impossible task by asking it to manipulate the world in order to fix your personal inner problems. If you want to achieve a healthy state of being, stop asking your mind to do this. Just relieve your mind of the job of making sure that everyone and everything will be the way you need them to be so that you can feel better inside. Your mind is not qualified for that job. Fire it, and let go of your inner problems instead. You can have a different relationship with your mind. Whenever it starts up telling you what you should or shouldn’t do in order to get the world to match your preconceived concepts, don’t listen.” ~ Michael Singer

Without the belief in “I have to do stuff, to be ready for…” I feel a looseness opening, something un-gripping itself. Even laughter.

Absolutely nothing required for an event to be a “good” one. Noticing nothing is happening right now, in this moment.

What are you “doing” today?

I hope you find some relaxing sweetness inside, while you “do” it, before you “do” it, after you “do” it.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. there is still space if you’d like to come watch Byron Katie with others. You don’t have to come to all 4 days–you can log in on your own (no extra charge) for at least 2 or 3 days on your own until August 31st and watch segments you want to repeat. This log-in time is included in the $165 for sharing this event. To join us, sign up here.

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Don’t Be Careful, You Could Hurt Yourself

If you're too careful about what you say, you could hurt yourself
If you’re too careful about what you say, you could hurt yourself

Eating Peace 3Day Retreat is one week away. Room for more. Join me in this thrilling ride of ending wars with food, eating and body image. October 9-11, 2015. Northeast Seattle. Register HERE.

*********

I need to go easy on him.

Have you ever had that thought when you know you need to bring up something to somebody that you’re pretty sure they won’t like to hear?

Phew.

Feeling mixed about speaking up is very common for a lot of people.

Dangerous results come to mind. Like people getting really mad and running away, or lashing out.

When I was in my twenties I probably got the prize for being the most indirect, angst-ridden, nervous, unclear communicator when it came to dating and men that you’ve ever met.

Well, OK.

It maybe could have been worse.

And here’s the funny part. (Sort of funny, let’s put it that way).

If I didn’t speak, and let it build, and tried to make myself tolerate and NOT talk or say anything hurtful, guess what also tended to happen during those years when it came to communication?

Yep.

The complete opposite.

Slicing someone to shreds verbally on the inside. Being super bossy and controlling. Laying down the law.

I kind of hate to admit it.

The critical part was pretty mean. It mostly happened on the inside. I sometimes gossiped about people I felt scared of. I didn’t want to tell them to their face because I was super worried about hurting their feelings and pleasing them and remaining safe.

It took a lot for me to snap.

My most common way to snap?

Eating.

Since I didn’t let myself speak up to anyone, especially men, so I could avoid hurting their feelings……

…..I would go on these eating binges that felt like tornadoes.

It was like something clicked and I’d say “f*&K IT!” and stop controlling, suppressing, diminishing and squelching my own inner anger. In a mixture of panic, rebellion and fury, I’d eat everything in sight, or drive to find whatever food I damn well wanted.

I also smoked cigarettes, or drank beer or wine.

I was like a Rebel Beoch.

By myself in my own car driving around listening to loud music.

Finally telling the whole world off by expressing the inner energy like a fire storm.

When no one was looking.

(How was that workin’ for me? Um, not so hot actually).

The trouble with letting out energy sideways like that, it never gets directly resolved.

The truth was I felt the crushing experience of believing that Other People I Love could both hurt me, and be hurt by me.

I wanted everyone to be pleased with me so that I myself never got hurt, and never caused hurt.

In many ways, this is the sweetest, dearest, kindest most loving impulse…..way down deep inside the heart.

Do you see how innocent the impulse is to have no one, including me, ever feel frightened, abandoned, ashamed, or unworthy?

You have this inner impulse of gentle loving kindness, too.

But somewhere along the way, thank God, I discovered that being super careful not to hurt anyone had an obvious assumption for me under the surface:

That it was possible to be hurt (oh terrible), and that hurting must and can be prevented.

But here’s the bummer twist to the plot.

If it’s possible to be hurt and to cause hurt, AND you believe you can prevent it, then you’re in deep doodoo.

You have to be insanely careful.

In my situation with men and dating, I’d just not answer the phone if a guy was trying to reach me for a second date. Or I’d act super this-is-friends-only and pretend I didn’t hear if a guy made flirtatious remarks who I wasn’t really attracted to.

If you believe in getting hurt, you may have to “work” on yourself to make sure you quit acting so hurt. Or you may do everything you can to relieve the hurt, end the hurt, get rid of the hurt. You need to constantly learn techniques to fix the hurt, repair the hurt, and quit suffering about the hurt.

But you just can’t accept the hurt.

No way.

You gotta FIGHT it, SMASH it, DESTROY it, BURY it.

(Munch munch chomp swallow chomp munch smash chew crunch grind chomp).

But who would you be without your story about HURT?

This includes not only hurting when it comes to dating….

….but every kind of emotional fear of getting hurt, like with friends, family, kids, siblings, co-workers, bosses, neighbors.

Who would you be without the belief that you are capable of hurting just like you were hurt?

Without the belief that it means you are worthy of being hurt, if you were hurt?

Or that someone else is worthy of being hurt, if they hurt you (or hurt others)?

What if you didn’t have the thought that hurting is forever?

“There is only one problem, ever: your uninvestigated story in the moment.” ~ Byron Katie

For me, to question my beliefs about this world hurting me has been the most basic, deep mystery brought forth by The Work.

It seemed like the universe was unfriendly.

You know, those unfriendly situations? You know the ones I’m talkin’ about?

Bad stuff happens.

Who am I though, in this present moment, without that thought that hurting happens, that getting damaged is irreparable, or that it means the universe is not so nice?

Not denial, not sugar-coated, not making it look fine when it isn’t…..

…..this is really looking to see what is actually, genuinely true.

I keep finding, with the help of others and the support of life, that every time I believe I’ve been hurt, I’m carried or pushed or guided or pointed, however softly and subtly (sometimes intensely), to something different.

Something healing.

My disordered crazed eating brought me to seek help, which brought me to the wisdom of others who had healed before me, which brought me to looking deep within at my definitions of pain, history, family, love, parents, work, God, life and death.

Your suffering may have brought you here today, to read these words, because you are a lover of understanding life and reality.

You want to know the truth.

Me too.

I turn the thought around about that thing that hurt so horribly:

  • that experience healed me
  • I was not hurt
  • it did not mean I was deserving of the pain
  • there is no need to be careful here
  • I have not unforgivably hurt other people
  • I did not hurt myself permanently
Could these be just as true, or truer?
Remember, this isn’t denial.
It’s not condoning or believing yay, I got hurt or someone else got hurt.
It’s holding it all in one wide open expansive place, mysterious and unknown.
“If you can learn to remain centered with the smaller things, you will see that you can also remain centered with bigger things. Over time, you will find that you can even remain centered with the really big things. The types of events that would have destroyed you in the past can come and go, leaving you perfectly centered and peaceful. You can be fine, deep inside, even in the face of a deep sense of loss…..Ultimately, even if ‘terrible’ things happen, you should be able to live without emotional scars and impressions.” ~ Michael Singer in The Untethered Soul

Keep inquiring.

We’re getting it.

Can you feel what’s centered and peaceful, even with all the suffering you’ve gone through in your life?

If you can’t….don’t worry.

Inquire.

Nothing more required.

Much Love,Grace

P.S. Do you hurt yourself with food and eating? Eating Peace may be a wonderful experience for you. October 9-11, 2015.For more information, click here.

 

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Each Step Along The Way, A Clearer Sense of Normal

herenownomatterwhat
each step along the way of inquiry, a clearer glimpse of the divine, a clearer sense of “normal”

I feel much better today, almost back to “normal” physically.

Isn’t that funny whatever “normal” is?

I was listening yesterday during my quieter time, recovering from a short bug, to an interview of me talking with my friend Roberta. (You can access the whole teleconference I was a part of right here for free for a few more hours–lots of powerful information about mind- body health).

I heard myself telling my story.

It’s funny to look back and see one’s own story, played out over time, and watch what the mind does.

While listening, I started remembering how unhappy I was when I was 19 years old, leaving for college.

So anxious, I ate and ate and stuffed myself full the night my family had a goodbye dinner to celebrate my graduation from high school and my adventures off to college.

Remembering that time, I still had the thought float through me yesterday “I should have done it differently”.

If only…..

Then it would be better…..

There’s a similar feeling when you don’t have what you want. (I’ve been talking a lot about desire lately since I started the Desire Class yesterday morning).

Uncomfortable, disappointed, uncertain, sorry.

It’s not like a big traumatic discomfort, just a melancholy breeze blowing by saying “that could have been better, you know.”

Sigh.

But The Work can be brought even to a long-distant memory so far away in the past.

Is it true that could have gone differently, better, another way? Are you sure it might have been altered if only…..?

No.

How do you react when you believe it could be improved, you don’t like the way it turned out, if only….?

I notice I feel internally dramatic. Like someone with the back of their hand on their forehead.

Sad, missing something, bereft.

So who would you be without that belief that it’d be better if it went another way?

Ha ha. Really?

Kind of hilarious, in this moment. Because how could it have possibly gone differently than it did?

I notice I have no idea how making it different would look, and if that really would alter the outcome.

I remember the amazing idea offered by Byron Katie that reality is kind.

Reality….this life….is loving. 

And it’s the truth. The real actual truth. Not my opinionated version of the truth of what happened.

Turning the thoughts around: I shouldn’t have done it differently, it went the way it went and that was very good, the whole situation could NOT be improved. 

There is no “if only…” except in imagination.

Wow.

I simply look at the memory, it floats through, it doesn’t stick inside, it’s just a picture, a sensation, an idea bouncing along, nothing personal.

Who would you be without the belief that something went wrong, and if only….?

“As you drift into spirit, these transformations take place within you. All you have to do is notice them, and you will start to notice the tendency toward the qualities of the Divine. The further back you go, the more you will see these natural qualities unfolding inside of you. Each step along the way, you get a clearer glimpse of what it must be like to sit in that Divine State.” ~ Michael Singer

I love that without these stressful thoughts, there is a natural quality unfolding.
A place that doesn’t regret, or feel like a mistake was made, nothing imagining with pain “if only….”
Right Here.
All you did was notice. Nothing else required.

Love, Grace

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You Know That Person Who Bugs You? Free Yourself Now…Here’s How

Join Grace to question stressful relationships
Join Grace to question stressful relationships

My daughter (who is 17) just informed me 9 years ago the very first tweet was sent.

Now, you may be saying….

….Who cares!?!

But I find technology and the internet sort of fascinating, although a little confusing.

The thing that got me a moment later after hearing this news was thinking about whomever started “twitter” and sent out that tweet.

They decided to send a very short communication out into the world, like birds.

Hello! Tweet!

The reason I’m sharing this today is….I’ve had a huge mind change on the concept of sharing, when I started Grace Notes 3 years ago.

I write them for everyone, including me.

Totally exposed, honest, kind of embarrassing.

But people can relate.

We’re all inquiring together. I can feel how incredible it is. This is not personal.

What’s this sharing like?

Its just expressing who you are and what you feel and what you desire and where you get stuck.

If you feel like protecting yourself, withholding, hiding, running away, going into a hidey hole….

….nothing terrible about having that feeling….

….but you might just consider turning around and doing the opposite instead.

I’m not suggesting tweeting, by the way. Just sharing in the best way you can the honest, unabashed truth of yourself.

This means your fears, your sadness, your love, your desires.

On Tuesday a small group of brave people will get together on the phone (some will use skype from other countries) to identify their most difficult, disturbing, fearful, mean, bratty thoughts about a very important person in their lives.

Strange, right?

But we get right down into it, with our judgments and immature ideas so we can then bring them through the self-inquiry process known as The Work to see what’s really accurate for us, and what it might feel like to turnaround these thoughts.

We’ll get to use our imagination…..for good, not evil (you can laugh like a mad scientist and wring your hands together for fun here).

It’s actually true.

You wind up taking these pestering, painful thoughts and answering four simple but profound questions about them, seeing the way they’re running your life and your behavior.

Just in the looking….you can see more clearly.

There’s one spot left in the Relationship Hell To Heaven class beginning at 5:15 pm Pacific Time on Tuesday….but you don’t have to wait until then.

Even if you can’t join the class, start today with a little inquiry session with yourself.

Download the attached Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and let it rip. Don’t hold back. Holding back has gotten you nowhere, right? So let it fly, on paper.

Then take only the very first one, and put it at the top of a One Belief At A Time worksheet. And start writing out your answers to the questions.

You may find some relief, or a whole new way of looking at your own thoughts, by the time you’re through. If you need more help, visit www.thework.com.

When you see things differently with those other troubling people, you act differently, you say different things, you make different faces, you stand and sit differently, you feel differently.

This is all the difference in the world. Really.

“Your mind has very little control over this world. It is neither omniscient nor omnipotent. It cannot control the weather and other natural forces. Nor can it control all people, places, and things around you. You have give your mind an impossible task by asking it to manipulate the world in order to fix your personal inner problems. If you want to achieve a healthy state of being, stop asking your mind to do this. Just relive your mind of the job of making sure that everyone and everything will be the way you need them to be so that you can feel better inside.” ~ Michael Singer

The Work is one of the most simple ways to stop mentally telling others how to change to make you happy. Even when you don’t say it out loud.

Come back to yourself by sharing the truth of what you’re thinking. Do The Work on those important relationships. Find out what you really need to make yourself happy, without expecting those other people to change.

You’ll feel free.

What could be better than that?

If you want to join Relationship Hell to Heaven, click HERE.

I can’t wait to work with everyone. You are awesome.

Love, Grace

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Committing To Practice Makes All The Difference In Your Whole World

question your stressful thoughts--change your whole world. Really.
question your stressful thoughts–change your whole world. Really.

Year of Inquiry (YOI) is a small group of inquirers who connect for an entire year together, starting every September and meeting all year long, changing topics every month.

Yah. It’s intense.

It’s a long commitment.

We’re half way through the year. And we love it.

It’s amazing over time to have a regular practice of collecting together and questioning….deeply.

Who would you BE without that thought, about your body (we happen to be on the BODY month right now) or money, or your primary relationship, or your dad or mom?

Sinking in over and over, together.

The thing I love about a whole year is we come and go, we’re on vacation then we’re back, we show up then we miss a session, but we tap back in, regroup, show up, focus.

Remember.

Over time the practice of inquiring becomes so, so, so fun.

We get to know one another’s voices, wishes, the way we respond in a very intimate way, without ever telling all our stories.

Someone wrote me an email once after reading a Grace Note.

“Don’t you get tired of questioning your thoughts? Isn’t this a little repetitive or obsessive?”

Yes to the second part. Ha ha!

No to the first.

I have NO IDEA why I don’t get tired of this.

Well, OK, maybe there’s an idea.

Somewhere along the way, I realized this work was about ending fear. Ending agony about what happened before and what might happen next.

I also realized there was absolutely nothing else I could do, except question my painful thinking.

Wow. Nothing. No control.

I only had my own mind ultimately to work with, it didn’t work to try to fix or adjust or make the world better.

I could end the drama of needing other people to change, or the environment to change, or this whole world to change….

….in order to actually be happy.

I could actually enter the humor of not being my mind, not taking my thinking seriously….

….and watch this astonishing life unfold with all the flavors, variety, complexity and strangeness of the most inventive, brilliant novel.

With joy.

Not upset.

I love all the people who show up for inquiry, every single day in the groups or telecourses I run.

Everyone doing the best they can, everyone curious….open.

Everyone dropping their limiting stories, on their own path, and sharing this process together, at their own pace.

We do have room for up to three people right now in YOI. We have calls on Tuesday mornings 9 am, Thursday afternoons 4:30 pm, and Fridays 9 am Pacific time. Come to one, two or all three–your choice.

We gather in person for those who can get to the northwest USA May 29-31. But if you’re super far away, like Europe, then you might choose not to travel and that’s OK too (it’s less expensive).

I don’t want anyone to miss out who would love this ongoing opportunity to be in The Work three weeks out of every month and see what regular inquiry can bring to your life.

It looks like freedom.

“Reality–the way that it is, exactly as it is, in every moment–is always kind. It’s our STORY about reality that blurs our vision, obscures what’s true, and leads us to believe that there is injustice in the world. I sometimes say that you move totally away from reality when you believe there is a legitimate reason to suffer….It’s insane to believe that suffering is caused by anything outside the mind. A clear mind doesn’t suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

And of course, even if an organized regular inquiry group isn’t right for you–there are other ways to do The Work with people.

You can call the Help Line (click HERE to use it for free).

“If you want to work with your psyche, you have to loosen up in there…you have to get underneath and see why your psyche is the way it is. It was programmed that way. But you can learn how to interact with life in a wholesome, participatory way. You have the right to relax and let fear pass right through you.” ~ Michael Singer

If you’re in the mood for lightening up, understanding your mind, becoming intimate with reality….

….and you’d like support on your journey….

….then consider coming on board to the upcoming Relationships telecourse, or Year of Inquiry, or Desire and The Work, or Summer Camp for The Mind this coming summer, or Breitenbush 5 day retreat in the spectacular natural Hotsprings of Oregon.

I love connecting with you, questioning the way we all think, and changing our world.

If you’re interested in YOI or another teleclass, hit reply and let me know (your email will go directly to me personally) or visit  www.workwithgrace.com and click on teleclasses or programs to see what’s coming up.

Much love, Grace

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Three things to consider if The Work isn’t working

What if The Work isn't working?
What if The Work isn’t working?

Several people have written to ask me lately….

….what do I do if The Work isn’t really working?

They’ve explained that they’ve done The Work over and over again on the same person, or they feel continually depressed, or they’ve got a terrible addiction like eating or drinking or smoking, or they hate their situation-job, spouse, marriage, home, kids, finances, spiritual.

They’ve done The Work, many times even, and have No Results.

“What do I do now?” they ask.

If you’re someone who’s had this despairing question…

…I don’t know what exactly is happening, but I can tell you what’s been true in my experience when I’ve had this question myself.

It’s one of THREE possibilities, every time, when I have the same belief or troubling experience repeat itself again in my life.

1) Even though I say or “think” I’ve been doing The Work, I haven’t been….not really.

It’s been more like I’ve been finding turnarounds in my head while driving my car, or I’ve been wondering for a few minutes who I would be without my stressful belief and coming up with a blank, or I’ve started worksheets and never finished them.

I really haven’t started from zero, filled a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet out very, very slowly and with care and contemplation to get the best thoughts down on paper, and then gone through each thought one by one.

It’s sooooooo hard!

Isn’t there a shortcut or something?

Um. Not really.

The Work IS the shortest shortcut.

2) I’ve had a really sneaky, deep, and desperate underlying motive.

Like I’m clawing for solid ground, I just want a fear-free answer, a place of peace NOW!!

This means, when you start doing The Work you might have a “plan” on where you’ll end up (blissful) or what will happen (magic, joy, happiness) after you question your thinking.

You are refusing to tolerate the depth of despair, depression or loss.

You’re against suffering….

….so you can’t allow yourself to see something True for you, because you believe it hurts (you forgot you could do The Work on THAT pain as well).

You try to use The Work to bypass the pain, and get to the good part ASAP.

It’s so normal to try to feel better, but if you’re trying to whistle in the dark, there will be a fake feeling….

….even just a teensy bit of a fake feeling….

….and you won’t fall to your knees, with the Truth rising above all else.

(As I said, that’s the way its been for me-if it works for you to try to be positive like saying affirmations or eliminating your “negative” thoughts, then go for it!)

3) Lastly, something or someone is repeatedly bugging me or triggering sorrow because I haven’t gotten to the very root core of my inquiry (yet).

I thought I was “done” with that.

But no.

Sorry, Charlie.

You just lost, again. You were just betrayed, again. You were just criticized, again. You were ambushed, again. You were conned, again. You shouldn’t have trusted, again. You should have trusted, again. You shouldn’t have loved, again. You missed out, again. You got scared, again.

Sigh.

Be very, very gentle with yourself.

How do you know you’re supposed to be right in the middle of what you’re feeling, thinking, hearing, seeing, doing, or experiencing?

You are.

A brief story:

After two years of doing The Work myself, very intently after it was introduced into my life, this very question rose up for me one day in a really deep look at someone I was so pissed off at, I could hardly see straight.

“This guy was such a jerk!” I thought.

Arrrrrrgggghhhhh!

I HATED him. I hated myself for trying to be friends with him, and going back for more interactions.

I hated myself for hating him.

Surely, I wasn’t seeing something?

My mind must be twisted and ridiculous. There must be something wrong with me. I needed to do The Work MORE on this guy, I was so disturbed in his presence. 

I raised my hand at an event with Byron Katie and asked “I’m doing The Work many times on this one person I find so disturbing, and I’m still furious!”

Katie replied, “How do you know you’re supposed to be angry? You are!”

Oh.

Wow.

I’ve been working this whole time with an underlying motive that I should be “loving what is” about everyone at all times, including this obnoxious screwed up mentally ill person.

Almost immediately, my objection to this person and his words and behaviors, completely shifted.

That was THE WAY HE WAS. The way of it.

I was not in control of this situation. I was not the ruler of the universe, including all the self-criticism I had of ME for feeling HATE.

This would not change, just like the weather.

I could rage and scream at myself (and him) and the storm clouds, and have a hissy fit every time it rained…

…or I could calm down, and take good care of myself, and pursue what I really wanted.

I was free.

I was suddenly no longer angry.

I was simply clear that I really didn’t want to interact with him in the way I had, and I was instantly so very grateful for everything he had ever said and done.

I understood.

That was the last time I ever did The Work on that person, and every time I think of him, I really do now smile-I had some of the most amazing learning experiences of my life in the presence of that person.

“In The Way, nothing is personal. You are merely an instrument in the hands of the forces, participating in the harmony of balance. You must reach the point where your whole interest lies in the balance and not in any personal preference for how things should be. It’s that way with all of life. The more you can work with the balance, the more you can just sail through life. Effortless action is what happens when you come into the Tao. Life happens, you’re there, but you don’t make it happen. There is no burden, there is no stress. The forces take care of themselves as you sit in the center. That is the Tao. It’s the most beautiful place in all of life. You can’t touch it, but you can be at one with it.” ~ Michael Singer

Love, Grace

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Is Loving-What-Is Passive?

If I do The Work, and become completely and totally fine with everything, no longer at war with reality….

….what would keep me from lying down on the couch, doing nothing, never planning, not trying, not getting organized, getting little done, never succeeding greatly, or caring about any upcoming activities?

If I love what is, then why bother making a to-do list, or having a goal, or creating plans for a desired outcome?

This is a very interesting question many people have about “loving what is” and what they imagine it might look like.

Could “loving what is” result in Nothing Happening? (Horrors!)

Wouldn’t that be….like….boring, or depressing, or apathetic?

Wouldn’t someone be a new-agey space case if they zoned into loving what is, all the time?

Good question.

And, no.

Notice how the mind will come at “loving what is” from every angle, just to make you doubt the process of inquiry?

I love doing The Work on this very concept….

….that doing The Work would lead to some kind of zombie brainwash, where you never cared or got upset, or made plans.

Who would you be without the belief that allowing everything to be as it is, or even loving what is, will be dangerously lacking in pro-activity or direction, or too passive or nicey-nice?

Who would you be if you really relaxed?

Woah.

I notice the less anxious, the less movement towards thinking about the future, the less focus on whatever terrible thing might happen later, or what terrible thing already happened…

…the more I’m in the sweet spot.

The middle.

Not full steam ahead, not lying on the ground.

Kind of an action, without great effort, without trying to hold back falsely.

“When you move in the Tao, you are always present. Life becomes absolutely simple. In the Tao, it’s easy to see what’s happening in life–it’s unfolding right in front of you. But if you have all kinds of reactions going on inside because you’re involved in the extremes, life seems confusing. That’s because you’re confused, not because life’s confusing….Eventually you will see that in the way of the Tao you’re not going to wake up, see what to do, and then go do it. In the Tao, you are blind, and you have to learn how to be blind.” ~ Michael Singer 

All I know is, the more I do The Work, the more I question what my mind thinks is true and has stories about…

…the less frantic, worried or stressful energy, the fewer detailed plans.

But as Byron Katie says, I still pack my bags if I’m going on a trip, and leave at the appropriate time to get to the airport.

It’s just way more fun doing it.

And if the plane is late, that’s fun too.

Love, Grace

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Eating Peace: Why Bother Writing In A Journal?

One of the best ways to see what you’re believing that bothers you most deeply…
…to not allow it to flicker by unnoticed…
…is to write your thoughts down.
Did you get a journal dedicated to investigating your thoughts, feelings and experiences around food?
Mine was red bound leather, thin, with beautiful quality paper in college ruled lines.
In this Binge Journal, I began to write about my feelings about food.
The first place I started was AFTER the binge, or overeating episode.
Because I couldn’t remember nor did I want to stop and write BEFORE I ate, when I was overwhelmed with cravings and confusion, or anger, or sadness.
But as soon as I gave myself the gift of writing after compulsive overeating, I had a much greater awareness of what had been going on a few hours earlier, when I was triggered to eat.
The writing showed me patterns and insight.
And one day, a huge lightbulb went off when I discovered that quite a few binge-eating episodes were preceded by an interaction where I felt criticized and angry.
All it took was awareness of this.
I didn’t even need to “do” anything with the anger or fear.
Noticing made all the difference.
I say more about keeping a journal and how it worked for me right here. Let me know how it goes for YOU.
Your inner world matters.
The urge to binge comes out of your relationship to it, and what has happened that bumps up against that inner experience.
“One of the essential requirements for true spiritual growth and deep personal transformation is coming to peace with pain. No expansion or evolution can take place without change, and periods of change are not always comfortable. Change involves challenging what is familiar to us and daring to question our traditional needs for safety, comfort, and control….Becoming familiar with this pain is part of your growth.” ~ Michael Singer
Click HERE to watch my short video on more about keeping a journal:
Much love,
Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Workshop is a way in, to find a way out. There are two spots left for the upcoming 3 day retreat in Seattle. Click HERE to read more or to register.

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What If There Is Nothing Wrong? Yes, Even With THAT?

Money 8 week teleclass starts on Tuesday 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific Time. Question discomfort with money, free yourself. For more information or to register, click HERE.

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The other day, I got one of my favorite emails from someone who has been enrolled in one of my classes (Eating Peace).

She had experienced a willingness and acceptance, beyond anything she had ever imagined before, of herself and her relationship with eating.

I say “favorite” and sort of chuckle….

….because the emails of concern, or criticism, the ones that say “I’m having a terrible time, I’m so unhappy, I didn’t get what you were talking about” are quite incredible, and always full of learning and awareness for me.

So maybe they are just as favorite as the others.

But the relaxed and inspired feeling within me, when I hear of someone’s personal awakening like this woman who wrote, is so beautiful, precious, and full of love.

I suppose it’s the great practice of life to be with tones of joy and tones of objection from “others” out there equally, fully, inviting everything in, every comment, every spark, thought, observation.

The woman who wrote shared something she suddenly became aware of one day not long ago.

She was eating, and this was the kind of eating when not hungry, the kind that she had normally categorized as crazy, off, a mistake, wrong, dreadful.

But all of the sudden she was watching a person eat.

She wasn’t THE PERSON doing the eating, the thinking, the believing, the agonizing.

She saw the stories, the creation of the inner war….and something was looking at it.

Looking at it without the intense pain.

Actually, without pain at all.

What a beautiful lightness of being, to see from this view.

This view has the capacity to see without judgment, without “knowing” or being sooooooo sure something is wrong.

This woman shared that she even had the thought that if she always had this “problem” with food, she could accept it. She had received a great deal of insight from Mooji (a sweet spiritual teacher from Jamaica).

How strange, right?

Aren’t we supposed to be trying very hard to get over, end, eliminate, or cut out the bad thoughts, the uncomfortable stories, the stressful “off” way of looking at life?

Shouldn’t we be trying, sometimes very very hard, to fix our predicament? Isn’t this problem we’re having a matter of life or death, our success or failure?

Well…..see right now what it might be like if you stopped, and didn’t think the thought that something must change….now?

What if you slowed down, so very slow, and questioned….

….what if you considered the thing you’re looking at without attack, being against it, being so sure it’s wrong…..

…..including this person who you think you are, what you should be doing, where you’ve supposedly failed?

“A thought may arise: ‘It’s okay now, but it’s going to be different when I step out the door’. Already you are anticipating your downfall. Recognize these as just thoughts. You can just watch them, feel their pull yet observe them as a movement in consciousness. Stay put as formless awareness.” ~ Mooji 

Who would you be right now, in this split second, without the belief there is something wrong?

“The key is to be quiet. It’s not that your mind has to be quiet. You be quiet. You, the one inside watching the neurotic mind, just relax. You will then naturally fall behind the mind because you have always been there.” ~ Michael Singer 

What if you called a truce, right now in this moment?

Much love, Grace

P.S. If money incites war, noise, fear, anxiety, frustration, longing, or insecurity….come along the journey to inquire into thoughts about money for 2 months on Tuesdays. Click here to register for money teleclass.