Month: July 2014

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Good News About Freedom: You Can Do It

A few announcements today, and a sacred poem.

Next weekend in Seattle….Saturday afternoon 7/26 we will have a meetup (suggested donation $10) in the Lake Forest Park Library.

Many people have RSVP’d so come on time if you want a seat in the meeting room. Can’t wait to meet you if you come. Here’s the link to find out more and to get on the RSVP list.

Monday, July 28th at 9 am Pacific Time we start the 8 week teleclass
MONEY: Loving Your Money Story. A powerful way to dig into your money confusion, worries, fears or irritations. Huge relief, and freedom, can result from inquiry on money.
Wednesday, July 30th at 9 am Pacific we start the 8 week teleclass Our Wonderful Sexuality. A newly revised, and very fun, look at what we believe about physical contact with others. If you notice you feel less than light, happy and thrilled about sex, join us!

Friday, August 1st Final Month of Summer Camp For The Mind!Only $97 and you can join any calls Monday 4 pm, Tuesday 8 am, Thursday 9:30 am (all times are Pacific Time). We don’t meet every single week, but many dates to choose from. Every call we arrive, get still, fill out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and do The Work.

After the summer….Year of Inquiry (YOI) begins in September. This is a small private group of inquirers who commit to a whole year of questioning thoughts together, with a new topic every month and two in-person retreats. More on YOI in weeks ahead.

If you long to see how inquiry leads to the deepest peace and awakening through practice, come see, come see.

You can do it.

Love, Grace

The Good News 

They don’t publish 
the good news. 
The good news is published 
by us. 
We have a special edition every moment, 
and we need you to read it. 
The good news is that you are alive, 
and the linden tree is still there, 
standing firm in the harsh Winter. 
The good news is that you have wonderful eyes 
to touch the blue sky. 
The good news is that your child is there before you, 
and your arms are available: 
hugging is possible. 
They only print what is wrong. 
Look at each of our special editions. 
We always offer the things that are not wrong. 
We want you to benefit from them 
and help protect them. 
The dandelion is there by the sidewalk, 
smiling its wondrous smile, 
singing the song of eternity. 
Listen! You have ears that can hear it. 
Bow your head. 
Listen to it. 
Leave behind the world of sorrow 
and preoccupation 
and get free. 
The latest good news 

is that you can do it. 

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 

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Beware! Rotten, Smelly, Disgusting Horror Story!

I’m back in my home Seattle. At least that is what they call this area on planet earth.

I notice there is something inside, a vast, exciting inner place that is true home and goes with me everywhere…..the same one that’s in you.

As this body moved in a car from south to north, the temperature dropped about 30 degrees fahrenheit. I stopped sweating.

Arriving around midnight, bringing everything inside, I was soon asleep.

But in the morning….a smell.

Something in the kitchen is rotten. I open the fridge. All the food in the refrigerator last week before I left is still in the same tubs, leftovers, jars or bags. Almost everything untouched and completely rotten.

The most disgusting being chicken innards that were supposed to be used for soup or something. The stink was sooooo gross I tried not to breathe through my nose as I threw it in the waste. I started cleaning out the fridge, wiping down the counter top, emptying the dishwasher, filling it back up again with dishes.

The Voice: Why doesn’t anyone around here notice these things and CLEAN them BEFORE it starts to smell like a CESSPOOL?

“Is it that hard??!!”

I thought as I took two completely rotten bananas that were sitting in the fruit bowl on the counter outside to the yard waste bin.

And then within seconds…noticing…my belief that this entire room (called a kitchen) should look different than it looks right now. And SMELL different by the way. Jeez!

Is it true?

Yes. Are you serious? I can’t believe you asked me that.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true, it shouldn’t smell this way, it should be cleaner, it should be different?

No.

How do you react?

Quick! It’s someone else’s fault! They should have cleaned up! Fuming, irritated, annoyed, frustrated. Thinking about how to solve this “problem”.

But who would you be without that belief that this should smell different than it does?

Suddenly, laughing.

Amused at the complete disgusting-ness of rotting meat, moldy rice, moldy pizza, fermenting fruit, the hairy grayish white things growing all over the beans, cheese, the leftovers.

Without the thought, I notice I move to clean, I start washing, I spray, I throw out. It’s over in about 15 minutes probably.

Turning the thought around: my thinking shouldn’t smell or be so rotten. No kidding.

“I never have the sense that anything I haven’t done is undone. I see the things that don’t get done as things that need a different timing: I and the world are better off without them, for now.” ~ Byron Katie

Could the timing of even this be perfect?

I get to enter the house and join with it again, talk to the kitchen by cleaning it and lovingly wiping its counters.

Could it be I am the luckiest person in the world, to get to empty all the rotten stuff, scrub, vacuum, sparkle? To be amazed at nature taking its course? And then go to the store and fill the empty clean fridge with many items, like freshly picked blueberries the size of gigantic marbles?

Yes, it’s actually sort of exciting and wonderful. I love this kitchen. I love this place. I guess I needed to do a little cleaning out today of quite a few rotten items.

They were in my mind.

Was it that hard??!! Phew. No.

“If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go.” ~ Tao Te Ching #24

Love, Grace

 
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Calm Amidst The Stormy Thoughts

Oh so wonderful to be with Summer Campers for The Mind yesterday morning. Everyone called in from all around the world and we took a thought to inquiry that’s very common…at least it sure has been for me.

That person, place, thing, idea, feeling, or thought….SHOULD CALM DOWN. 

People on the call had the most interesting things they were choosing to look at, the things they believed should calm down.

My six-year old screaming kid, my mother when she’s locked her keys in her car, my Task Master Self that needs a clean house, my Thinking Mind, my ego, my neighbors, the rain storm, my dog, my co-worker, my boss, my suffering.

These things really should be calmer. I would be calmer if they were calmer. It’s embarrassing, depressing, discouraging, aggravating.

I don’t know what to do.

How do you feel physically when you believe something or someone should calm down…and they are really wild and riled up or busy?

It’s agonizing. My whole body is tense, clutching, terrified, or worn out. I feel like a victim of this un-calm thing I’m looking at.

Who would you be without the belief that calmness out there is required for your happiness, for your internal calm?

Woah. You mean that thing, including my mind, doesn’t have to calm down in order for me to be happy?

Yes.

It should not calm down (until it does, if it does, when it does). I should calm down. I should sink down below the flurry, the kicked up sludge on the bottom of the clear lake. I should sink into the sweet earth and find how rooted I am there.

Things are wild, then calm, then wild, then calm.

Who would you be without the belief that they really need to stay one way or the other for you to be happy?

Trusting. Giving up. Not Knowing.

“There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment. That breeze changes the orientation of your life, moment to moment to moment, simply because that’s the way life’s moving. And when you’re living in your awakened self you have no argument with the way it’s moving because it is the same as you are.” ~ Adyashanti 

So the thing isn’t calm at the moment. Can I sit and have no argument with that?

Yes. Ahhhh.

Love, Grace

 
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You Never Need More Money Than You Have

Hurry up and get more money!

If you’ve read about my experience with money, you’ll know that somewhere in 2007 I started feeling urgency about getting more money that felt like sheer terror.

I had images back then of a huge ship like the Titanic, cracking and sinking and descending into dark water. My life, enveloped by a huge dark cold ocean. Everything lost, everything gone.

No money anywhere in sight, and that meant no comfort, no worthiness, no solid ground, no being cared for, no security.

At that time, the thought was “EMERGENCY!”

But you don’t have to lose all your money, or have very little, for a voice to kick in that chatters in your head that you need to be worried about money.

For some people, it’s there practically all the time, no matter what…..even when they have a great job, lots of stuff, workshops, vacations, and an apparently comfortable life.

The other day, I noticed I was embarrassed about the amount of money I had at the moment because I wanted to give a big gift, but felt afraid to spend the money.

There was no doubt about the gift, the giving felt joyful, but I realized I wasn’t actually even sure how much I had available to give.

Faster than a speeding bullet my mind came up with 158 thoughts attempting to determine how much I could give without something bad happening (too little money). Calculations in the head, thinking next month I might not have as much so I need to hoard right now. Adding up how much I’ve spent in the past few days on gas, hotel, food, not having clients.

Yep, better be careful.

If too much goes out and I give too much, I could go back to that time, not long ago, when I had nothing to give. The worst.

You are not truly safe, the amount of money you have is temporary and tentative, all your money is spent on basic expenses and needs, you should be careful, you need to pay attention, there are no guarantees, more money is better than less money, you need to count your money and make sure, you need to work harder to get more money.

Rats. The stressful thinking brigade is at it again.

Very frightened of Not Enough.

You need to be careful with money, it’s possible to not have enough.

Is it true?

YES. OMG, did you hear what happened to me before?! (Story story story very important terrible story).

Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Wait for it.

Don’t be so sure.

Are you absolutely positive it is possible to not have enough money…that you need to be careful?

Umm. Yes. Some people are starving to death in India. Although I’m not sure if money is their entire problem.

I notice I have always had enough to eat, a place to sleep, a car, care, adventures, friends, love, connection, joy. But what about that time when I had no health insurance and I sprained my ankle? Oh, that’s right, maybe there were bills, but everything turned out fine. Ankle healed, bills paid.

No, I am not absolutely sure that I need to be careful when it comes to money, or that it’s possible to not have enough.

Wow.

What happens when you believe you have to be careful, funds are limited, you might not have enough later? How do that feel in your body?

Limited, careful, hesitant, energy that vibrates fast, nervous, not rested, thinking, analyzing. Absence of peace.

Who would you be without the belief that you need to be careful with money? That you might not have enough?

This question is for this moment. How is it right now, without that belief?

It doesn’t mean you suddenly empty your bank account and give all your money to charity, never balance your check book, act irresponsible, throw your bills in the garbage, quit your job.

You don’t like yourself when you do that.

Without the thought that I need to be careful, I actually see more clearly. I can check my bank balance and add up my bills and mortgage payment and see how money goes in and out, which buckets get some here or there, how much I can give away….even if it’s only $10.

But without the thought that I need to be careful and that it’s even possible to not have enough money, I notice that giving even $10 per month to myself if I want, for retirement, feels good. It’s just an idea. It’s not “should” or “have to”.

I turn the thoughts around about money: Slow down and get less money! You are truly safe, the amount of money you have is temporary and tentative (yay), you should be care-free, you do not need to pay attention, there are no guarantees (woohoo, quit trying to make them), there is no better-more or worse-less, you don’t need to count your money, you need to work easier to get more money.

Every moment is full of possibilities, silence, enough.

I notice today how much I love to give, how much I love money flowing in so I can send it out. No grabbing.

I pause my writing this Grace Note, go check my account balance and notice with surprise there is more than I expected. Oh!

I can add up how much I will need, for reals, next month and start divvying it out, making a simple plan, without worry or emergency whatsoever. This is not throwing it all carefree to the wind who-cares kind of energy, this is looking with eyes wide open. Really looking.

I can give more, fearlessly.

“Who would you be without the thought ‘I need my money to be safe’? You might be a lot easier to be with. You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have. When you understand this, you begin to realize that you already have all the security you wanted money to give you in the first place. It’s a lot easier to make money from this position.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’re wanting to look more deeply into your money stories, concerns, fears, anxieties…an 8 week teleclass on Money begins July 28 at 9 am Pacific. We meet 90 minutes each week.

We inquire into our stressful thinking, nothing but that, and let money do what it does. It’s amazing what can change. Click HERE to register.

Love, Grace

 
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That Person Who Hurt You–Choose Suffering or Peace

Today my retreat comes to an end, although I won’t be home for another 2 or 3 days.

I still get to connect with several friends, spend the night again in Ashland, Oregon on the way north, and be in a quiet car enjoying my thoughts as I drive back to Sea-Town.

And there will be many thoughts…that’s for sure.

That’s been what it’s like so far through life.

But there’s also something else, and this is phenomenally important if you want peace.

Noticing that thinking is not you.

On our last night of retreat, our little group elected to watch Oprah interview the fantastic and inspiring Michael Singer.

If you’ve been around Grace Notes for awhile, I put in quotes by Michael regularly.

Watching him on video, I was inspired all over again. There are many reasons, but one of them is that he has a juicy, tough, difficult, painful betrayal story.

He was falsely accused of a crime.

And yet…it was not painful at all.

He used it as an opportunity to grow, to lose the pieces of him that did not really matter, the ego-centered fearful pieces, the ones afraid of the future.

Many of us have experienced what we call betrayal.

Sometimes, like in Shakespearean drama, people set up and scheme whole manipulated stories in order to hurt others, win, get even, get revenge.

People tell secrets, start rumors that aren’t true, hurt other people, lie, steal, cheat, or sometimes even kill other people.

I had a dear friend once accuse me of faking that I don’t have a master’s degree, and telling other people behind my back instead of coming to me directly.

It was one of the weirdest experiences I have ever known. I sent her a copy of my degree.

But why would she do that?

Doesn’t the mind sooooo want to figure that out. Why? What’d I do? What’s wrong with her? How could she have ever assumed such a weird thing? Did I miss something? Was she mentally ill? Did she distort some part of my graduation history?

I need to understand that painful situation, I need to know why.

Is that true?

Wow. No.

Why do I need to get involved? Do I want peace, or drama in my life?

Peace.

How do I react when I believe I need to understand, resolve, settle that situation? When I believe I need to get why it happened?

Analyzing, rehashing, puzzled, confused, uncomfortable, sad, disappointed, shocked.

But who would I be without the belief that I need to understand that difficult experience, or the why, where, how, who, what-for of any of it?

“The prerequisite to true freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore. You must decide that you want to enjoy your life and that there is no reason for stress, inner pain, or fear.” ~ Michael Singer

Without the thought that I need to THINK and resolve this betrayal problem, or defend, or prove something….I rest in awareness where there are no big reactions.

I can observe from the silence that sees everything, the wide open space.

I turn the thought around: I do not need to understand that situation, I do not need to know why.

This is truer. I do not need to defend myself, or be passive either. I can take all the appropriate measures to be clear and kind and powerful.

From this crystal clear place, without suffering, I notice great compassion for those who commit crimes, who make big mistakes, who perpetrate damage or difficulty for others.

They are doing the best they can.

But most of all, this tough experience is an invitation to take the high road, the road to the higher self full of loving awareness, the place where I need not get hooked, controlled, or hurt by someone else in this world.

If I can be with this, in this kind of situation, I will be free. I will be free from that mind that has to get a handle on everything and figure bad, twisted stuff out. I will be free from the mind that is full of fear.

“It is impossible to be hurt except by your own thoughts.” ~ Course in Miracles 

If you feel hurt by someone….see if you can find inside of you the part that knows you are innocent, and all is well, and there is nothing to fear.
See if you can leave it alone, stop worrying about why it happened, and let everything be the way it is, no complaining.
You’ll be much happier that way. Guaranteed.
Love, Grace
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You Have To Do Stuff To Succeed–Is That True?

I was sitting on the squishy white sofa, avocado green pillow at my back, my friend Gail next to me on my right. The overhead fan slowly spun above, and the room soft and cool. Gathered ’round are 8 other friends in comfy chairs. The room is quiet, but buzzing with silent energy.

Then something happened inside my mind and heart, and it was very, very good.

So good I was moved to tears. They streamed down my cheeks for the sheer gratitude and surprise and recognition.

I’ll try to explain what it was.

I’m on retreat with a small group of friends, as you know, exploring reality…..my favorite.

Of course, every single day is an exploration of reality. You’re doing it today, yourself.

But there I was, in meditation, and thinking about consciousness. We were contemplating familiar questions many spiritual teachers ask “Who is looking? Who is listening? What is it that is aware right now?”

I was talking with Ross, the teacher I’ve been with on retreat, and inquiring into these questions. I didn’t really get it…even though I could feel something potent.

Ross asked me “Where do your words come from right now, as you’re talking? Right NOW?”

And suddenly I could see how immediate were these words that spilled out of my mouth, the words that formed a question I had just asked, or a sentence I had just spoken.

The sound of these words was born, just a split second ago. The feeling behind these words was flowing forth. I didn’t invent them, they simply were created.

I could feel where these words just came from, so very close. Like this sensation of nothing becoming something. A fabulous empty vast energy.

Where do your words come from, when you are talking?

Is everything like this? It is simply born, without me doing anything, really?

You have to “do” things….to live well, to succeed, to achieve, to get something, to wake up, to make peace, to have good relationships, to make money. All of these states require YOU to DO something to get them.

Is that true?

Yes. At least that’s what I’ve always thought. Of course I have to do things! Are you NUTS?! I would otherwise sit around all day snacking and staring into space.

But are you sure you have to do stuff? Are you sure you must manage, direct, and do?

No. I’m not sure anymore. No. This is suddenly today, much less true than ever before today.

How do you react when you believe you have to do things in life?

I know it’s a weird question, a weird concept. So much of what we hear is how we HAVE to, we MUST, we SHOULD (fill in the blank).

But who would you be without that thought? Who would you be without the belief that you have to do anything?

As Adyashanti once said when I was on retreat with him, just try to sit on the couch for once, without making yourself get up….see if you can get up when you get up, no forcing.

HUH?

But wait.

Without getting all deep and mixed up and crazy about it, I see who I would be without the thought that I need to do anything in order to be happy.

It’s astonishing.

Very exciting. Unexpected.

Not resigned, slow, waiting, stubborn, or giving up. Not that kind of non-doing. This is a thrill of watching whatever is created in any moment. Paying attention. Noticing that stuff happens constantly, and you can do what you do and relax.

“You know, all that’s required of me is that I be good enough just to sit in this chair now. It’s doesn’t matter what my mind says. That’s all that’s required of me….Only a huge ego could say that you’re supposed to be doing something that you’re not doing.” ~ Byron Katie

I turn the thoughts around: You have to Un-Do things, or donothing….to live well, to succeed, to achieve, to get something, to wake up, to make peace, to have good relationships, to make money.

None of these states require YOU to DO anything to get them.

Just be yourself instead.

A gorgeous being of love, light, peace, wonder.

And if you’re not sure that’s true….question your stressful beliefs.

“Practice not doing, and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #3

That’s what made me cry today.

Love, Grace

 

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Can You Feel Love In This Moment?

Yesterday I got to spend time in my all-time favorite wonder of all wonders…..what is All This? Who am I? Where am I? Is it true?

Who would I be, what would I be, without thought, beyond thought?

Wow.

Either these are the most fun questions on the planet, or the most fun answers.

I am gathered in a small group of people who I adore. Even if I’m not sure of everyone’s family details or I don’t know major events in their lives.

It doesn’t matter.

There is a deep sense of everyone showing up with great love, being 100% in, committed to each other, listening to our hearts, accepting our minds, feeling our bodies, cherishing the words of the teacher we’re with (Ross Oldenstadt).

But the teacher is ultimately….the feeling of being alive.

Hearing the stories of awakening, searching and suffering from Ross and from the other people gathered is so intimate, like the sweetest thing I could ever taste in the world.

That moment.

And now….in my hotel room….

….Is this moment just as intimate, loving, spectacular, joyful?

Woah.

Yes.

If you aren’t sure you’re having a good moment today, maybe even right now as you read these words……double-check to see if it’s true that it’s not a good moment, or could be improved.

Are you sure?

Can you be absolutely positively sure?

How do you react when you believe THIS is not great. When you think it could be a little better. You could be more enlightened, other people could be nicer, the weather could be sunnier, you could be more successful, you could be healthier, you could be richer?

How do you react, what do you notice, when you think this isn’t that great, or that something is missing?

Dang.

Dissatisfied. Resentful. Gathering energy to renew forces on the Moment Improvement Project.

But what if right now was the most brilliant, stunning, loving, safe moment you could ever want or need?

Take a deep, deep breath and see if you can find the presence of loving kindness, tenderness, safety, joy, excitement, richness, abundance, and health….right now.

Not later, NOW.

In this room where I sit I hear a soft hum, very steady like a fan. The desk under my forearms as I type is cool and smooth. I smell the soap and feel clean after a shower. There are papers, a can of sardines, two apples, a hard drive, books, pens, a paper clip, someone’s business card.

Stuff is everywhere. The world is overflowing in this room, there is so much in here!

A screen brightly glowing that sends and receives messages to people and from people all over the world.

If you’re not sure this moment is amazing…don’t worry. 

You don’t have to think anything. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re a little disappointed with the moment. Or enraged.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is ‘out there’–as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering–the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

As long as I think the cause of my problem is that there is something missing, in this moment (including inside me) I’m suffering in paradise.

I notice the very same thing I feel with all my friends here, and Ross, during retreat, I also feel right now, typing on my laptop, brushing my teeth.

“A prince who believes himself to be a beggar can be convinced conclusively in one way only: he must behave as a prince and see what happens….With experience will come confidence…” ~ Nisargadatta

What an awesome, fascinating, peaceful moment this is right now.

Maybe yours is too?

Check to see.

Love, Grace

 

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Do You Have To Choose Between Two Great Options?

Oh no.

Two wonderful invitations, two things to do, two possibilities. Equally wonderful.

Scheduled at the same time.

I watched the mind have a hissy fit, over in the corner. You may have experienced the same kind of reaction before as well.

I can’t decide. I want to do both. I have to make the right decision. I don’t want to regret missing something. I’ll miss something no matter what–because both choices are excellent.

It seems innocuous, not that big of a deal as far as dilemmas go….

….but for some people (and previously for me) making a decision between two, or more, wonderful choices can be agonizing.

I remember needing to pick my college major. Comparative religion, or psychology?

The evening before yesterday, here in Sacramento, California where I have arrived to spend time with a few fabulous friends exploring human consciousness, awakening, meditation….I suddenly and coincidentally found out that a very dear old friend was ALSO in Sacramento teaching a workshop at the Unity Church.

I texted her.

She texted back right away, delighted, and we met for a truly incredible dinner talking for 3 hours straight. I love this woman and the intimate, easy connection.

I woke up yesterday morning and had the thought to attend the morning portion of my friend’s workshop. I texted again. She said YES YES YES.

Then my other group of friends called, with voices in the background shouting “Hi, Grace! Come over! We’re eating breakfast!”

Oh. Man…THAT sounds good.

It all sounds good, I am over-abundantly flowing with a sense of buzzing joy, like a golden retriever racing for balls, scampering here and there with complete and total happiness.

I wish I could be two places at once. I’m missing something.

Is that actually true?

Yes. In fact I’m missing TONS of things, an infinite number of things happening on planet earth right now.

Are you sure it’s true?

Yep. Positive.

How do you react when you believe something good might be happening over there, where you are not?

Ewww. It’s not pleasant. I am torn. Analyzing the best choice. Pulled this way, then that way in my mind.

For some people, the reaction to this thought is truly torturous. Hard to enjoy where you are, attempting to maximize or make sure you’ve picked the best place to be. Grabby. Demanding that the moment be a good one.

So….who would you be without the belief that you’ll miss something? That you need to know it’s the best choice? That you should be sure the choice you made was the “right” choice?

A grand, wonderful lightness of being.

A part of the mind observing everything that already knows it doesn’t matter…nothing will be missed…nothing lacking.

Yesterday, I heard the mind saying ‘what will it do next?’ like I was an “it”. Relaxed, watching with a big smile, noticing there is a movement this way, and off she goes in this direction.

I saw myself check the distance on my phone via maps of both locations, imagining what was happening over there at the workshop, then over there at the breakfast.

I turned the thought around:

There is no wrong way to do this, no wrong choice, I can and will decide, but I am not deciding anyway. I want to do only whatever is possible for me to do. I won’t miss anything, there will be no regrets. I’ll gain something no matter what–because both choices are excellent.

Something inside moves back, back, back like I’m rising up into the sky looking down at all the incredible choices in every moment. What happens now, and then now, and letting go of *thinking* I am running it.

I go here, then I receive a text, then I think I’m going that way, but then I receive a text from someone else, then I drive another way, then I say yes, I will be over there later, then I enter the workshop of my good friend and it’s perfect and so sweet, meeting the most exceptional people…

…then I’m driving back on the freeway and meeting another very dear friend we go together another direction and gather with other incredible people.

Like a river spilling down the slope, going over here and no way to analyze why the water turns that way or this….

….my day unfolds and yes, I missed something, but I wasn’t supposed to be there obviously, because I wasn’t there.

So nothing was missed.

“When your image of the me takes a break, you’ll find all you are doing at that moment is just being open. You feel quite relieved that you are not trying to get to another moment or a better experience.” ~ Adyashanti

It’s easier to relax, deeply, and feel inside what’s the best way to go in every moment by bringing the universe into the equation, or noticing it’s already in it. This is not up to me.

It’s much simpler that way.

But even if you agonize over choosing between two options, and it doesn’t seem simple….right now in this moment, take a deep breath and know the turnaround “I don’t have to decide, everything is OK.”

You don’t. It is.

“Practice not doing, and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #3

Love, Grace

 

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There Is Something Wrong

Yesterday my road trip continued. The highway stretching out, breathing in scent of pines, passing a recent accident with firetrucks flashing lights.

A big huge mountain was suddenly there in front of me rising up, with the peak covered in clouds and warm rain pattering on my windshield. Mount Shasta.

One of my teachers, Steven Bodian, once said he had many awakening moments in a silent car, lightbulb going off.

You’re traveling through space, thoughts free-floating and free-falling. Then you remember something.

Winding down the pass…I think of a family camping trip to California. I am twelve.

We are on the road for several weeks, maybe three. My dad is on summer quarter school break, my mom takes a vacation from work. My grandma is with us.

One night we are in a gorgeous campground with the Pacific Ocean stretching out below us. Tents have been set up, my grandma is in her camping chair.

My sister who is eleven and I get into some argument about where we’re sleeping…I can’t remember what it was about. But I was so angry, I take her personal suitcase full of her clothes and belongings, and dump it all over the ground and the fling the empty suitcase as far as I can.

She looks at me in shock and fury.

I run to a nearby tree and climb it, up, up, up and sit there and peek down below at the destruction.

She’s telling my parents what I did and beckoning them to come see.

Now…here’s the part that still has a tiny edgy memory of shame.

My dad starts looking for me, but I say nothing and don’t come down the tree. I feel sick.

The seriousness of this guilt was so intense, I still remember it to this day, even though I don’t remember the actual fighting part with my sister.

I can do The Work from here, from what was then the future, the Now looking at the past. I came through here today to clean this up.

I was terrible.

Find the place where you have sometime felt this to be true.

See if it was.

Can you absolutely be sure that you were terrible, guilty, bad, and should be ashamed of yourself?

Even if you say yes, keep going with contemplating this belief.

How do you react when you believe it’s your fault, you did it, and it turned out like shit?

Self-condemnation sets in. Vows to never to it again. Hiding, embarrassment, feeling mortified. “Working” on yourself to fix this problem.

But who would you be without the belief that you were terrible?

Notice the whole entire situation without the self-criticism. Look at everyone in the scene. Notice what your thoughts were about everyone you were interacting with, not just you.

Oh yeah!

Begin to identify more clearly why you were hurt. Who else might have thought you were terrible? Why? What did you really want from people at that time, in that situation?

If you don’t just stop at the I-Hate-Myself platform…what else was going on?

You get to find out when you relive that moment and investigate.

I noticed I was most worried about what my dad thought of me having a fit. I felt rage, and then terrified he wouldn’t love me because I expressed rage.

Lightbulb.

I was copying my dad. He got angry sometimes, exploded, and then appeared to feel terrible and unloved.

Same same.

Without that thought, I notice it’s just humans, expressing themselves.

“The feeling that something is wrong…that’s not a personal problem of yours, it is a universal, human condition to carry inside the feeling that something is wrong. Then the mind looks for what it can do about it…where is the thing that’s wrong? And it misinterprets situations.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Nothing was wrong, nothing was terrible.

There was passion, energy, love, fear all swirling together. Things more things happened next. The scene moved on and became a memory. The bigness of the feelings relaxed, my sister and I were friends again, I always knew my dad loved me and I loved him.

“When you sit quiet and watch yourself, all kinds of things may come to the surface. Do nothing about them, don’t react to them; as they have come so will they go, by themselves.” ~ Nisargadatta

Love, Grace

 

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What Could Super Hot Weather Be For?

What an incredible day I had yesterday. I got up at 5 in the morning, fell back to sleep and then really got up at 6.

Off I drove by 6:30 am, gassed up the car and headed south.

Road trip.

There is something wonderful and free about being on the road. You don’t know where you’ll stop, you’re present to immediate things like the need to stop for a bathroom somewhere soon, or a drink of water, fill the tank, or to charge your laptop so you can keep listening to the recording.

I had all the windows rolled down (I don’t own a car with air conditioning) and started getting hotter the further south I drove.

And hotter.

And hotter.

And then I was sweating profusely. Hmm. Kind of hot outside (I found out later it was 100 degrees F).

Floating through my mind was the objection “I should have thought of this, I should have borrowed a car with AC, why didn’t I remember it might be this hot?”

If it gets much hotter, I can’t stand it.

Is that true?

Is it true that I have to stand it? If it got hotter, is it true that I wouldn’t stop and go inside somewhere?

No. I would.

Heat could interrupt my trip. I have to get there on time. I have to get there before my YOI group meets (our teleconference call meets at 5:15 pm). This has to go as planned.

True? No.

Who would you be without the thought that you have to get there, in the way you planned, in the manner in which you planned it, at the expected tolerable temperature?

Ha!

Freely driving, seeing landscape change, listening to air and motor, sweating, silence.

And to top off the sweetness of feeling so free, at the same time as being so hot, I arrive at my good friend’s home, I sit in her air conditioned house talking and connecting happily, I take a shower (showers are AMAZING, aren’t they?), she serves me cold water (stunning) and then I get to put on my headphones and meet with Year of Inquiry folks.

We’re in the topic “Worst Case Scenarios” and we question our beliefs about death.

“When you question what you believe, the mind is free, and it’s no longer at war with itself. And it’s unlimited–genius is an understatement.” ~ Byron Katie

Later, dinner, strolling in the gorgeous little town of Ashland, Oregon, hearing loud calling from Richard III on the outdoor stage performance underway over the wall.

The moon hangs in a midnight blue sky.

What an incredible life, even at 100 degrees.

It was not too hot.

I had more appreciation and joy for cold water, friend, AC, a fabulous group who dials in to a phone call to investigate death, dinner, the moon, than I ever could have dreamed of without the heat.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Serenity link didn’t work yesterday, I know. You’ll be able to read the update on Serenity next week instead.