Month: May 2014

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When No One Shows Up, Question Your Thoughts

Breitenbush does still have one cabin (without plumbing) left with two beds. You can register for our workshop and take only one bed, knowing the other may be filled, or find a friend to join us! A very inexpensive way to come to Breitenbush.

These are the last two spots and it’s going to be a fabulous four days of immersion in The Work, the healing summer forest, natural hot springs, and simple delicious food. June 25-29. Call Breitenbush to make your reservation 503-854-7174.

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Speaking of workshops, planning, programs and goals….

….just about everyone organizes something for the future fairly regularly in their lives.

A vacation for yourself and a pack of friends, a special trip for you and your partner, a surprise party for your best friend, a fundraiser at your job, signing up for a new class, offering a class yourself, putting on a big event where people will be coming to gather, learn, have fun, find meaning.

The other day, a friend of mine shared how he had decided to have a one-day meditation and movement workshop in his city (which is not mine).

He posted it on facebook, sent emails, prepared folders for people, put up flyers at coffee houses and got excited for this special day…his first workshop offered ever!

The day of the session he arrived very early and prepared the space, setting up a circle of about twenty chairs.

Then he waited, and waited, and waited.

Not one person showed up.

He stayed the entire length of the workshop, sitting quietly even though sometimes, he was panicking. He kept writing down his thoughts, and then answering the four questions.

I’ve had these kinds of thoughts. Ooooh boy, they can be deeply stressful, and they can also be incredible to bring to inquiry.

  • nobody is coming
  • this was a terrible idea
  • no one cares about this topic
  • I’m doing something wrong
  • I’m not good enough

It’s not very difficult for even the most easy-going person to feel embarrassed, or wrong, or very disappointed. Just like if you planned a party, invited people, and nobody showed up.

How do you react when you believe there’s something wrong with you, or you aren’t good enough, or it means no one cares, or you had a terrible idea?

Once I had a “meetup”…that online site where you can create a gathering after registering.

The first one was fantastic, many people came and I was thrilled. I’m not even sure how that happened, how it was so successful, because I didn’t post it anywhere except the meetup site!

So I scheduled another meetup about 3 months later, in a different location. Only 4 people came. One of them said “I love doing The Work, but I’m not in the market for anything where I have to pay, so don’t try to sell me anything.”

Gulp.

Who would you be without the belief that this means something about YOU? And it’s bad?

Here’s what I found, without the thought….and it’s really spectacular news: a feeling of incredible energy and curiosity about what else to do, learning what’s missing, studying how others achieve attendance, learning how to deeply connect with others, serve, make genuine contact.

Now that’s exciting. And has nothing to do with me as a personality.

Let’s turn the thoughts all around:

  • I am coming (I am not nobody)…and everybody is coming
  • this was a fantastic idea
  • everyone cares about this topic
  • I’m doing something right
  • I am good enough

Can you find real, authentic examples of how you know these turnarounds to be true, or truer?

And from this place……the excited, anticipating, joyful, creative place of knowing you have a fantastic idea?

You may find one of my favorite questions for imagining anything coming in the future, that begins with…..HOW?

“How CAN I get this party hoppin’, how CAN I fill this retreat, how CAN I share myself with others, how CAN I learn to do this?”

Because you can, if you want to. You are good enough.

Do The Work, find your answers. No rush, just right timing.

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

I notice every single time there have been fewer people than anticipated for something I help create, there have been beautiful advantages for the exact number actually present.

Great intimacy, silence, trust, peace.

And funny thing….the fewer painful beliefs I have about what should or should not happen with upcoming events….the bigger they become.

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64

Much love, Grace

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The Teacher You Need Is The One You’re Living With

The spring air was sweet, the rhododendrons bursting with ecstatic pink and red colors, the green everywhere all vivid and boisterous.

I went to a special event with my 17 year old daughter where someone showed up in the row in front of us who I went to college with, someone else in the same row recognized me from a long ferry ride six years ago, an old neighbor ran into me at the end in the aisle. I loved being there, the air was happy.

My daughter and I grocery-shopped and exchanged comments on how much we loved that store, everybody smiles there! So homey!

All was well!

Until…

….a little after returning home.

After happily unpacking groceries, checking emails, and doing a few other tasks, I went out to the garage looking for my husband, to say hello and see how his morning went.

When I opened the door of the garage, the loud sound of hockey on the TV, a container of friend chicken mostly eaten, an empty bottle of coke on the desk.

Instant thought: this is a waste of time and health.

Heh heh.

The moment washed through me and left as quick as a flash flood, but I remember a time when I would enter this kind of scene and act like I was under some kind of attack in the middle of a war zone, my judgment and defense was so up.

On the inside of course, I wouldn’t run screaming from the room and hide under a table. But you would think I’d been very seriously threatened, the way I was all fuming up on the inside with anti-TV and anti-junk-food commentary.

Here are some questions to ask yourself, to dissect that irritated moment and look more closely: When you see that situation, why is it bad? What’s wrong with that behavior, that scene, that person doing those things? What’s the worse that could happen, if it continues? What does it mean for you?

In my situation, it meant nothing creative is occurring, health is being jeopardized, time is being “wasted”.

Why should that person change? How would it make your life easier? Don’t immediately feel embarrassed for being selfish or hyper-critical…listen to yourself closely.

Then investigate with The Work.

The lists of needs that people have for their partners can be insanely long. People get really squirrelly about this, like even if they are seeking a mate and they are single.

I need my partner to never waste time, have good taste in music, clothes and art, eat well, maintain excellent health, be patient at all times, be creative, be successful, be wise, wealthy, unusual, spiritual, cutting edge, good conversationalist….you may have your list unconsciously placed in your mind and not even know it.

But that’s what you need…..is it true?

No.

If you answered “yes”, see if it’s absolutely 100% true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

How do you react when you think someone should be like “x” and they are not? Or you can’t even find a person who is “x”?

Annoyed, irritable, fuming, critical and vicious. Maybe even sad, disappointed and isolating.

Once I knew a woman who had complained about her husband for 15 years. Every time I talked with her, she confided in me the same complaint.

He was always passive, not romantic enough, a workaholic, bland and lacked passion.

Who would you be without the thought that the behavior you’re witnessing is bothersome, in any way whatsoever?

Yes, really.

If you never thought that was wrong, a waste, troubling or bad…for you or for them.

Pretty amazing, pretty fun. No need to control, harp, get upset, and a lightness within, a return to your own inner self.

Without the thought, I get to come back to me and simply see what I prefer in this moment. I don’t need to make anyone agree with me, I just move out of the room, or the thoughts unravel themselves and I notice how fun this game is, how playful the atmosphere.

Turning the thought around…

My thinking is a waste of time and health, not his behavior.

Yikes!

“The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~ Byron Katie

The thing is, I can love with all my heart, and it doesn’t mean I need to watch hockey. But if I do, I could be surprised and curious, and enjoy it or learn something new.

Without any time and joy-wasting thoughts that I need to see certain qualities (or, I demand certain qualities) the freedom is so immense, it’s incredible.

I give up the imaginary person and notice the real one instead.

The real husband in my particular situation is one of the most happy, loving, joyful, accepting, wise people I’ve ever known. And he shows me what playing, relaxing and being looks like.

“Sanity doesn’t suffer, ever. A clear mind is beautiful and sees only its own reflection. It bows in humility to itself; it falls at its own feet. It doesn’t add anything or subtract anything; it simply knows the difference between what’s real and what’s not. And because of this, danger isn’t a possibility.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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When You Think You Don’t Have Enough Money

One of my favorite topics for The Work has been Money.

So many thoughts about money, so many sticky areas of concern, so many feelings about buying, selling, getting, accumulating, or losing money.

Many of the beliefs we have about money are like broken records, repeating themselves over and over, and we don’t even realize it.

Well, I sure didn’t realize it.

The beliefs went by so fast and were so nerve-wracking, my usual way was to ignore, avoid and not get involved with money if at all possible. I didn’t really like even noticing my beliefs. They were so stressful!

Trouble is, when you ignore an uncomfortable situation….it tends to build up and get more pronounced over time.

So when I found myself about to lose my home to foreclosure, out of work, unexpectedly divorced, without health insurance, and unable to pay for my children’s music lessons any longer (in fact, they went on the reduced lunch program at school for families with low income)….

….I HAD to look at my beliefs about money.

It all began with one.

I don’t have enough money.

Now, it’s helpful to review with yourself what you don’t have enough money for. You probably have enough money to eat, have a home, sleep, drink water, get your basic needs met.

Maybe you couldn’t buy that car for sale down the block, maybe you can’t go shopping this afternoon and buy lots of clothes. Or maybe you don’t have enough money for guaranteed security, in case something happens? Medical fees in case you have some, later?

Or maybe you don’t have enough money to keep your house, or to stay home instead of going to work at a job you don’t like that much.

So once you see what you don’t have enough money for….

….hold your disappointment and your situation vividly in your mind and answer the four questions.

I don’t have enough money (in my case, to pay off my entire house loan).

Is that true?

Yes, it’s a fact. It’s absolutely true.

But notice how quickly there’s an emotional reaction….it will always be true, this is terrible, I’m stuck, I hate debts and this mortgage is a big one, I HAFTA get more money, this is urgent, I’ll work harder.

Worry, worry. Push, push. Harder, harder!

For some people, this can get exhausting.

So who would you be without the thought? Without the belief that right now you don’t have enough money?

Look around wherever you are, noticing your environment. See if you’re safe, comfortable, supported.

I notice I am.

It’s even exciting, to feel what it’s like without that belief that there’s not enough of something. To trust this moment, not by thinking positively but by actually noticing what is here, right now, in the present.

Turn the thought around: I do have enough money.

It’s so easy for me to see. I have enough to be here in this house right now (even though I owe money on it). I love living here. Every month I send extra to the mortgage company. I’m paying the most I can. It’s actually fun, it’s a game. The balance drops lower every time I open a statement.

Another turnaround: I don’t have enough of myself….and neither does money. 

Yes…..I see how in the past I haven’t shared myself, I’ve been self-critical, I haven’t been a very nice companion to myself, and I haven’t been very kind to money. I’ve yelled at it for leaving me. I’ve felt both inferior and superior to those other people who have a lot of it, or none of it.

I’ve avoided learning about money, I’ve gasped at items that cost huge amounts of money, I’ve been hyper-worried about money, I’ve been disrespectful towards money.

Kinda love/hate.

After that work on money, I began to make friends with money and to trust that I had just the right amount of it at any given moment.

Funny, money comes around more since I started being such a good friend to it, and to myself.

“I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what e-mails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. We’ll do some good, awesome work on Money and other concerns in Summer Camp for anyone who wants! June, July and August…come one, come all if you’d like to join with me and fellow inquiring travelers for 1, 2 or 3 months of fun, diving into all kinds of investigations on painful beliefs we carry. More on Summer Camp soon!

 

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Hurting And Not Hurting Flow Together

Yesterday I had to lie flat on my bed all afternoon, taking ibuprofen (anti-inflammatory pain pills).

Remember the right hamstring story from six months ago?

Well, even if you don’t….this lower right back hamstring nerve area was hurting, the place I tore last year followed by surgery. I tweaked it dancing recently. Again.

Rats. There is nothing good about this! Fist shaking at the sky!

This is definitely a problem!!

Doing The Work on physical ailments can be really amazing. Let’s go for it!

Is it true that this is bad, I hate the pain, nothing good can come of it? Is it true that it hurts?

Yes. I can still feel it now, what are you talking about…is it true.Jeez.

But can you absolutely know that this is a bad situation, a situation to hate, a problem, a difficulty…that this really does hurt?

No.

I worked with clients, answered emails, even had an awesome session with a beautiful inquirer who always devotes two hours to her work, and my back and hamstring never crossed my mind during any of these activities or interactions.

How do I react when I don’t like the physical sensation I feel?

I clutch against it. I think about the future and how it will get worse. I think things like “I have to stop dancing, I can’t bike, I can’t run, I’m aging, this is getting worse, there is no way for this to go but downhill, I’ll be dealing with this forever until I’m dead.”

I get pictures of my mom and her own back issues and want to interview her about exactly every minutia of experience she’s had, what she did, how I can short cut the process to No Pain.

I react also by ignoring the pain. Pain, what pain? Who cares?

So who would you be without the thought that this is wrong, difficult, bad, that I’m against this sensation? Without the thought that I hurt?

“You put someone that understands the mind in a cell and lock the door and tell them that they’re never going to be released and that’s it for life……and if they love everything they think, then they really are experiencing gratitude. If they don’t love what they think, it’s a torture chamber.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought, I notice a very strong sensation, tingling, I want to either lie still or shift around. I notice I forget about it as the mind becomes interested in other things, the room gets fuller, then the attention towards this area becomes more acute again.

I feel pressure, like a rock with sharp edges, stuck in my lower right back. I think of calling the doctor, or calling the physical therapist….maybe I do.

Without the thought that this is a grave, serious, terrible, difficult or annoying situation (this could apply to any situation, right?) then I am simply here, living this experience.

“It’s amazing to see what we end up doing with our Will. We actually assert our will in opposition to the flow of life. If something happens that we don’t like, we resist it. But since what we’re resisting has already taken place, what good is it to resist?…It does not do anything to the reality of that situation.” ~ Michael Singer

Turning the thought around: this is a wonderful situation, it doesn’t hurt. 

This is not denial, it’s actually playing with the awareness of all things, all sides….entering non-duality.

Yesterday, I lay in bed and did The Work with others for 7 hours. I had breaks, I wrote, I got up and ate a delicious orange and leftover pizza. I talked with my funny and beautiful daughter.

How spectacular to notice that even though it hurts, it also doesn’t hurt.

Much love, Grace

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Find Your Invincible Summer

Many people have been writing to me about Summer Camp for The Mind 2014……A Space Odyssey.

Just kidding about the Space Odyssey part! (Sort of!)

Because actually….being with the mind is often like entering a huge infinite space.

There are so many thoughts, perceptions, and constant incoming data and sensations all day long. The mind is logging events, information, words, pictures, feelings, ideas, assumptions, conclusions, doubts.

Trouble is…..space feels sometimes frightening (sometimes absolutely terrifying) and sometimes joyfully and wildly expansive.

But I love that venturing into this crazy frontier only needs to happen one thought at a time.

Like a meditation practice, I can sit, inquire, ponder the silence and enter the place where maybe, just maybe, its OK to Not Know.

A most wonderful, simple, step-by-step way to enter the space of the mind, full of freedom and possibilities, and love….through inquiry.

That’s what we’ll do in Summer Camp.

Here’s how Summer Camp for The Mind will work in a nutshell:

  • There will be several live dial-in options to call and do The Work with a small group of inquirers. You can be in the working hot seat, share your own answers as the inquiry progresses, or choose to listen only.
  • All calls will be recorded so if you miss, you can listen later.
  • Everyone will have access to a totally private membership site to share their work, answers, questions, comments.
  • Some live telecalls will address very common underlying beliefs. Come with an open mind, ready for exploration. You may find unexpected lightness by the end of inquiry.
  • Flat fee of $97 per month for June, July and August, you can come and go as you please. Sign up or opt-out any time.
  • Telecall times are Tuesday mornings, Thursday later mornings, and Monday late afternoons all Pacific Time. Call when it’s best for you and enter the peace of inquiry.
I’m offering Summer Camp For The Mind for you if you’re ready to try group calls without long-term commitment, if you’re interested in Year Of Inquiry but want a “taste” first of how it feels, or if you’re ready to put self-inquiry into deeper practice in your life.
Because….I didn’t do The Work once and have fireworks go off and never need or want to do it again.
Not at all. Like meditation, this has been a glorious, ongoing, steady practice.
The more I’ve played in inquiry, the easier life has become. Or, was life already easy…and I just didn’t see it that way, yet?
“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” ~ Albert Camus

I would love for you to join me in exploring your own invincible summer. We start online on Sunday, June 1st, and the first telecall is Monday, June 2rd. We’ll camp all summer until the end of August.

Exact telecall dates are HERE. Seven Monday late afternoons, seven Tuesday mornings, seven Thursday later mornings, all Pacific Time.

“This work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself. Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down or hopeless you think you are…” ~ Byron Katie

If you’ve had trouble staying steady for a period of time in inquiry. Join a tribe of fascinating fellow-investigators.

Can’t wait to meet you.

Much love, Grace

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That Thought Is But A Dream

The other morning I woke up with a vivid dream in my mind. It wasn’t even real, it was a dream.

But I felt sad.

In the dream, I stopped by the home of very, very dear friends who I haven’t been in contact with for several years. It was a home I spent lots and lots of time in for about 5-6 years when my son was first born. My son is now about to turn 20.

They gave me a tour of their home in the dream. It had been remodeled multiple times, holding more and more rooms. I asked my friends questions, and they politely answered, but I kinda got the feeling like they were wondering why the heck I stopped by.

They weren’t welcoming. More like….why are you here, and when are you leaving, and we aren’t that interested.

I felt embarrassed.

AND IT WAS A DREAM!

Kind of amazing to think about that….the reaction doesn’t care if it was “real” or “imagined”.

For the next few hours I thought about those old friends who I dearly loved, who supported me in many ways back then….feeling gratitude, and regret, and loss, and appreciation all mixed up together….and then the thought hit me:

I’m horrible at maintaining friendships.

I work too much, I get too focused and passionate, I’m obsessive, I’m intense, I’m introverted, I have an attachment disorder, look at all the people I once was close with who are now not in my life! OMG!

Ha ha! When I thought that, I almost burst out laughing.

The mind will run through all kinds of possibilities, in fact EVERY possibility you can think of, with great dramatic flair.

Well, OK,  this mind apparently does that.

Giving this kind of dramatic personal thought respectful consideration can be profoundly eye-opening with The Work.

Is it true that there is something wrong with my ability to connect, to have friendships, or that they might not be interested (God forbid)?

Yes. I isolate. I’m very one-track minded. I’m like a dog with a bone. I’m not very expressive. I don’t try very hard. I like the Cone of Silence too much. And they aren’t interested, or they would have called me.

What personality trait do YOU have, that you criticize yourself for having?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true there’s something wrong with you? That the way it goes for you is not good? That being that way creates loss, or difficulty, for others (or for you)?

No. I can’t know that. Sigh.

How do you react when you list your faults? Or even believe one of them is true?

Must. Get. Rid. Of. Defect.

I “work” on myself.

When that doesn’t work, I get depressive, discouraged, unforgiving…..sad.

But who would you be without believing the thought that you’re horrible at something, that you’re too “x” or not enough “y”?

“If you wish to be fully alive, you must develop a sense of perspective. Life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you.” ~ Tony De Mello

Oh, you mean….remember that IT WAS A DREAM?

Turning the thoughts around, I am fabulous at maintaining friendships. Gosh…I even dream about them 15 years later! I remember some people, then I forget, then I remember, and I feel such gratitude. I feel my heart warming up and delighting in how fun they were.

I am this kind of personality, sort of, apparently…and that changes and morphs and I’m not really sure. I’m the opposite of everything I think; extroverted, unfocused, easy-going, attached and a great friend.

All I know is, doing The Work makes this all funny, innocent, curious, weird, in-explainable, fascinating.

“Stories are the untested, uninvestigated theories that tell us what all these things mean. We don’t even realize that they’re just theories.” ~ Byron Katie

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream.

That thought is but a dream! DOH! I get it!

Much love, Grace

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Give Everything Up, Be Hopeless, Be Given Everything

Update on Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat June 25-29: For those of you still wishing you could come and thought there was no hope, there are a few spots left for lodging, if you’re open to sharing (very inexpensive that way):

There is a female dorm bed still free, one entire cabin available after all, without plumbing (they are very cute, cozy and private and bath facilities are a short walk away), and one free bed inside a cabin with plumbing that is occupied by a woman who is enrolled already (open to female roommate).

Our workshop only can fit two more in our gorgeous Forest Shelter meeting house….so call Breitenbush soon if you’re ready to go for it.

This is a marvelous, sincere group of truly amazing inquirers, and we have fabulous exercises planned to create an incredible opportunity for you to free yourself, literally, from your troubled thinking.

If you’ve struggled with inquiry, feeling at war….and ready to declare peace on an important situation, join us. Why not now? We can’t wait to meet everyone. Call 503-854-7174.

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Speaking of No Hope…..or Hope…..the experience of being with or without it is extremely powerful.

Every human has times of hopelessness, and times of great hope.

But it’s a tricky concept, the idea of hopefulness or hopelessness. Because it can set you off into the future very, very easily, or into the past with the blink of an eye (the blink of a thought).

Here’s what I mean.

I’m going about my day, living my life, moving from here to there. This is the present, what is happening. And inside my head there are thoughts flashing, pictures of what could be, or what was.

When a difficult or scary thing occurs, the natural experience of the mind, projecting into the future, is to prefer to avoid it repeating.

I hope that won’t ever happen again.

When a wonderful thing happens, or you hear an enticing story filled with good news, your mind naturally wants to generate that story for itself.

I hope that happens to me, I hope I can do that!

There are also reflections the mind has of the past and what should have happened or should NOT have happened, that can never be rewound, never re-lived, never a do-over.

Totally hopeless.

The thing is, you know when you’re going off into a stressful land of stories when you feel anxious, worried, sad, despairing, or unhappy about any event, whether you hope for it or hope against it.

The most simple thing to do then, I have found, is inquiry.

“This situation is hopeless” (and I am so disappointed, regretful, horrified, sad).

Is it true?

Yes. I thought I was going on that retreat, that adventure, I thought I would have succeeded with “x” by now, I thought I’d be with that person, I didn’t think I’d lose, I can’t figure it out, I failed, I can’t….

Are you sure?

No. I’m never sure. I know things can change at any moment. But careful now. Notice the ease with which the mind could slip into hoping and grabbing on and pushing forward, without rest.

How do you react when you think your situation is hopeless, and this is a terrible thing?

Rage, fury, depression, sinking into inaction, mute… OR running as fast as I can even though the timer already went off, the race is finished.

But who would you be without the thought that this hopeless situation is terrible, horrifying or eternally dark? Without the thought that you HAVE to get back to HOPING, or else?

Without the thought that all is hopeless is bad, hopeful is good….I notice something gently opens right here, in the middle of this hopeless situation.

I notice I’m alive, breathing, and there is something more here, present, without thought. Something that has nothing to do with THINKING.

How funny!

I turn the thought around: this situation is hopeless, and that is really, truly OK. All is well. No trying, manipulating, pushing, lashing out. 

Wow. Maybe there is something beyond me, beyond my own thoughts. Perhaps reality has other ideas besides the ones I myself think are best. Maybe rest is here, and love, and support.

Even out in the desert with no water left and only a few more breaths before death.

“When you’re having a relatively pleasant dream, you don’t mind so much dreaming on. But when your dream turns into a nightmare then you REALLY want to awaken from that, when you can’t stand it. That’s what happened to me. It drove me almost to suicide….When I was a child, my pain body grew very quickly…. But if this had not been the case, I would have never awakened. So retrospectively, one is grateful for one’s suffering, because eventually suffering will wake you up.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Welcome all hope being lost….and doing nothing. The greatest surrender.

“When the ancient masters say ‘If you want to be given everything, give everything up’ they weren’t using empty phrases. Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.” ~ Tao Te Ching #22

Much love, Grace

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If You’re In A Hole, Stop Digging

Yesterday morning, a Sunday, I awoke knowing I didn’t have an appointment, a plan, a client (unusual for a Sunday anyway).

Yet within one minute, maybe even less, the Do Stuff Committee decided to call a meeting, apparently.

You’ve got a little free time! Get up! Move it!

Wash the sheets, go through clothes to give away to Good Will, clean up after 17 year old’s birthday slumber party, research lawn services (weeds going crazy), add the private forums page to my website, set up Summer Camp membership, plan for Breitenbush retreat, re-write first chapter of book, hire editor for final proposal read-through, buy toilet cleaner, hem pants, drive son back to college (3 hours round-trip), write article for Saturday dance, finish reading library book, complete next Year of Inquiry curriculum….

Shall I stop yet?

I could go on.

That’s the nature of the Do Stuff Committee. What I’ve shared so far was only the beginning. And I have no idea how many hours all that would take….but it would take more than a day.

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.” ~ Will Rogers

I got up and went to dance.

It’s weird, being alive and being someone who loves getting things done and accomplishing and moving and creating and feeling busy, occupied, dynamic.

And yet, impossible to do everything the mind will suggest.

And even more weird, I chose to NOT “get things done” in that moment. I got in my car with my cute husband, and off we went to play on the dance floor and connect with fabulous people, and sweat intensely.

On the way home from dance….the Committee got louder.

OK, NOW are you gonna get crackin’ on the list? There’s a lot to DO here! You will NEVER get all this done. This is NOT the way to success. Don’t waste time!

Come on!!!!

I hate that, when it starts feeling overwhelming, too pushy, too loud. A wave of rebellion enters.

Even sinking despair.

I will never get it all done.

Is it true?

Yes. There’s always more to do, an endless list. I’ll die with visions of unfinished opportunities. Dang it.

Can I absolutely know that its true that I will never get it all done?

Yes! I can absolutely know this! Argggh!

But what about that is bad? Are you sure it’s terrible, that your mind sees these unfinished tasks and products and wishes, knowing its not possible to complete them all?

No.

Wow, that’s nice. A relief, a space in the crunched feeling of Task Master. Phew.

How do I react when I believe I have to get it done?

Almost angry. Sometimes I want a freakin’ break. Self-critical if I take one. Everything supposed to be high performance, lazer, handled, efficient.

In the old days, this kind of expectation of myself to Move It would be so feisty that I’d want to drink, escape, do anything to forget about myself and my list for five seconds. Then I’d flip to the opposite side and do absolutely Nothing, maybe go to three movies in one day. Eat, obsess, makes lists for other days.

So who would I be without the thought when I wake up in the morning that I have to do anything special, that it is “better” to obliterate the list, or complete as much as possible, as quickly as possible?

Without the thought that anything is required, for success, or happiness?

Wait. Seriously?

That couldn’t be true, could it?

But try it on for a sec. See.

See if it could be possible that nothing is required, you need to finish NOTHING on your “list” generated by the Do Stuff Committee, in order to achieve freedom.

“When you get clear enough, you will realize that the real problem is that there is something inside of you that can have a problem with almost anything. The first step is to deal with that part of you. This involves a change from outer-solution-consciousness to inner-solution-consciousness. You have to break the habit of thinking that the solution to your problems is to re-arrange things outside.” ~ Michael Singer

As I feel what it’s like to be without the thought that I must Do Everything Today, I notice I’ve been scaring myself with the idea that I need to get somewhere else, somewhere better.

Why do I want to get all this stuff done anyway? To arrive at success, accomplishment, pride, empowerment.

What if I could have all those things right now, right here, without needing to do anything? Without having to believe all my thinking?

I turn the thought around: I do not have to achieve it all today. I do not have to do anything in this moment. I do not have to escape, even. I do not have to distract myself. I do not have to push, try, finish, complete.

Oddly, I notice I come home and put all the sheets in the washing machine. I check my calendar. I clean the kitchen, wipe the counters, sweep the floor. I give my daughter a piano lesson. I schedule a volunteer hour on the Help Line! I drive my son back to college.

I start writing.

“I never have the sense that anything I haven’t done is undone. I see the things that don’t get done as things that need a different timing; I and the world are better off without them, for now. I have hundreds of emails waiting for me on my computer, some of them from people who are desperately asking for my response, but I never feel frustrated that I don’t have time to answer them….What really matters is always available to everyone.” ~ Byron Katie in Question Your Thinking, Change The World

I open the door to the Do It Committee meeting room, to see if they are still underway.

It’s empty. I guess they adjourned.

“The Master never reaches for the great. Thus, she achieves greatness.” ~ Tao Te Ching #63

Much love,
Grace

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The Incredible Gift of Criticism

A woman came to see me to work for awhile on her relationship with her husband.

They had been married for over twenty years.

She had thoughts like this….you may be able to relate:

  • he is completely self-absorbed
  • he doesn’t care about me
  • he was mean, rude, harsh
  • he shouldn’t have acted like that
  • he is soooooo judgmental
Yesterday the Friday YOI (Year of Inquiry) questioned this exact same last thought.

That person is so judgmental. They shouldn’t be! Especially about ME for crying out loud! But even about other people….so critical!

Well. Slowing down. Let’s do The Work.

Is it true that the person in question is judgey? Is it true he is hyper-critical? Are you positive they don’t try to understand your point of view?

YES.

I remember a friend of mine from many, many years ago. Red hair. I considered her intense, powerful, funny and a genuinely good person. But certainly opinionated. Not afraid to say it.

One day….she started talking about her boyfriend. AGAIN.

He’s passive, low sex drive, boring and not romantic enough, selfish and unambitious.

(Can’t she give it a rest?)

I’ve told her before that she might stand in his shoes a little, maybe relax about all her expectations….he seems like a pretty good man. I told her about the Four Agreements…..like for example Be Impeccable With Your Word.

She didn’t get the hint.

Is it true that she is hyper-critical, judgmental and controlling when it comes to her boyfriend?

Yes, she never stops criticizing, in this situation!!

How do I react when I think its true, when I believe she’s a little scary, a little too bossy, too critical, ripping her own partner to shreds?

I retreat. I act really nice. I am easy-going, supportive, a good friend. I try to “help”. Disappointed that whatever I say is not really heard.

Who would I be without that thought, though?

Immediately, I see someone who is nervous, has a lot of energy, wants something, thinks she doesn’t have it. I see someone furious, stressed, frightened.

Someone believing her thoughts about partners, boyfriends and herself.

“Criticism is an immense gift for those who are interested in self-realization. For those who aren’t, welcome to hell, welcome to being at war with your partner, your neighbors, your children, your boss. When you open your arms to criticism, you are your own direct path to freedom, because you can’t change us or what we think about you…..After you’ve done inquiry for a while, you can listen to any criticism without defense or justification, openly, delightedly. It’s the end of trying to control what can’t be controlled: other peoples’ perception.” ~ Byron Katie

WOW.

Not only have I had trouble listening to criticism of me without defense, or fear, or justification…heh heh….but I’ve even not listened to my good friend criticizing her boyfriend, without judging HER.

I turn the thoughts around: she is judgmental and she should be.

I mean, so far in this entire story, every single person has been judgmental. It appears that’s the way of it.

That’s how we enter The Work.

Thank you judgments, thank you criticism, thank you vicious words, thank you meanness, thank you harshness, thank you everyone, thank you everyone.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Breitenbush Sold Out (With One Exception)

Wow, Breitenbush Annual Retreat in The Work of Byron Katie is FULL….except for people who want to stay in a deluxe tent platform open-air space, or a dorm.

The pros? Incredibly inexpensive, you still get all those exquisite healthy meals, access to all the hotsprings natural pools, and of course, you’ll attend our deep sessions in The Work to Declare Peace.

The cons? You bring your sleeping bag and set yourself up like someone going on a spirit quest walkabout in the deep forest. With hotsprings nearby, and showers heated by the springs.

If that’s for you, call Breitenbush soon and join our awesome group taking the deep sea dive into the internal world of inquiry, questioning all your painful stories, and turning your mind inside out (in a good way) by contemplating what is really true for you.

That last spots will go very soon. If you have special questions about anything Breitenbush, call me (206-650-1230). I can’t answer every logistical thing because Breitenbush does all the registration and administrative stuff. But I can tell you of my experience.

Funny, but that’s all any of us can ever really do if we’ve visited somewhere and someone else asks to know what it was like.

Including the world of freedom from stress, sadness, anger or pain. The peace found beyond believing what you think.

Last year, before I went to Bali with my husband on our honeymoon, I read about Bali, I heard from people who had been to Bali, I saw pictures of Bali, I got recommendations of where to stay and what to see.

But nothing was the same as actually being there.

You can’t really get the feel of any place entirely, just by learning about it.

I could even see a film of Bali (which I did, when looking at a bike-ride adventure for a day with a touring company). I could read guidebooks (I got about ten from the library). I saw the personal photos from a good friend from his trip with his family.

Everything brought it closer: film, pictures, stories from others, words.

But NOTHING was like being there. From the moment of getting off the airplane, there were smells, sights, colors, temperature, sounds of all kinds.

It was like diving into the lake, when before, someone told me about what it was like to swim there.

Even if I had entered a 3-D hologram sort of scene of Bali (I heard recently that there are bird-tweets programmed into the speakers in the ground at Disneyland) it might have been fun, but not quite REAL.

You know what I’m talkin’ about!

Understanding your own mind, your own experience of being alive, how you react, and who you’d be without your stressful thoughts….you have to experience it for yourself.

Even if you can’t make it to Breitenbush in Oregon in the United States and you are across the world (maybe you’re in gorgeous Bali, I met some awesome Grace Notes readers there) you can support your own inner journey by making your environment ideal.

You can do The Work, you can see what you’re thinking, you can stop, question, and hold still and look around.

Then….FEEL your environment, feel who you are, feel all of you, beyond your thoughts and perceptions.

“This Work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself.Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down or hopeless you think you are…..You may begin to experience revelations about yourself and your world, revelations that will transform your whole life, forever.” ~ Byron Katie

This has been true for me. It has transformed my whole life.

This life of understanding the mind, thinking, thoughts, beliefs, un-believing, not knowing, mystery, enlightenment….

….what a stunning adventure.

We’re all on the same journey of freedom, we all love freedom soooo much!

And in the end, you don’t need to move your body anywhere to take this journey. It’s real, and real can be to be exactly where you are.

Well…maybe a fake bird call here and there (an untrue thought)…but you’ve got what it takes to know what’s real. Phew!

“I came to see that the world is always as it should be, whether I opposed it or not. And I came to embrace reality with all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind coming June, July and August. Only $97 per month with live telecalls and a private membership site. Do The Work with others, only using your phone or computer. You really DON’T have to leave your home for summer camp!