Last week in the Horrible Food Wonderful Food teleclass, someone mentioned something I’ve heard quite a few times before…and not just related to discomfort around eating.
Aloneness. Emptiness. Space.
Yesterday, in the morning YOI (Year of Inquiry) group, it came up again.
And now that we’re on this topic, I must admit I’ve probably thought about it 847 times in the past month alone. (I could be exaggerating).
It’s a great and wild dilemma. Being alone. Here. With images, thoughts, sensations, ideas.
And lots of infinite space, mystery and lack of understanding at a mental level.
When I fist encountered this awareness, like many of us, I was pretty young. It’s like the question “who would you be without that thought?”
Another way it occurs to people, even when children, is they wonder what the truth is, they see something new and unusual and compare it to the usual, they hear about death or birth and think “I wonder what is before birth, or after death?”
Questions without absolute answers! Everywhere!
(Picture someone holding their head with both palms pressed to either side like in an old black-and-white horror movie….shouting “THEY’RE EVERYWHERE, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!” with question marks flying all around like birds.)
Then, I realized, I am not exactly having a stress-free experience of this alone-in-all-the-universe-mystery-chaos-unknown thing.
Ah ha! I can inquire into even THIS situation. This troubling situation of empty space and Not Knowing!
There you are, in your home, all alone. Perhaps the night is before you, maybe you feel tired, maybe you no longer want to “work”, you want to rest.
OMG! The Vast Emptiness!
Run for your life!
This is where, in my own past, I would have the feeling to go eat something. Or drink alcohol. Or wonder what movie was on TV. Better check emails, or surf the net, or go to that porn site. Perhaps shopping, smoking, contacting someone, facebook, studying.
It’s almost as if just the very idea of asking who I am, what this life is for, what is death, why am I here, what should I do now….sets off a low alarm to the mind.
But is it true that Not Knowing the full answer, the complete picture, that Not Understanding…..is sad, bad, or troubling?
YES! I must understand! These great questions are my passion! I will know the Truth or die trying!
If I accepted that I’ll never understand, or that the MIND won’t understand fully, then I won’t TRY to understand. If I accept that the MIND will not rest, that it’s a busy machine, then I’ll NEVER find peace. I’ll give up.
Can you absolutely know that this is true?
No. Doh!
How do you react when you believe that you’re gonna figure All This out at some point?
Arrrgh. Mad. Then sad. Then furious. Then depressed. Then scared. Then hopeless.
Now….who would you be without the thought that you need to know? That this is one big unknown mystery (and that’s alarming)?
Without the thought that this situation is sad, bad or troubling?
What if this unknown, alone, emptiness is fabulous, exciting, true, spacious, or deserves some investigation?
What if it’s OK to have this mind that has a penchant for answers (and questions) and it’s OK that the mind doesn’t really grasp All This?
Turning the thought around, could it be just as possible that the mystery of who you are, and what’s going on around here, is thrilling, beautiful, light, important and good?
“To stand alone in true solitude is to stand in the recognition of the absolute completeness and unity of all manner of existence. And from that common ground, where nothing and no one is foreign to you, your love extends across the magnitude of time and embraces the greatest and smallest of things.” ~ Adyashanti
Maybe the immensity of space you notice when you do not know what anything is for, or what happens next, or what this all is….maybe that open space of nothingness is full of love, not fear.
And perhaps the visions of flying through outer space untethered, with no one anywhere in sight, about to die…is just a picture.
With Love, Grace