The Pain, Sickness and Death telegroup started last night. What a fabulous group of inquirers.
I always say “this is my favorite class!” about every class as it gets underway, but I thought that again.
Because remember that MRI I told you about last week?
I found out my right hamstring is torn and read something in the report like “only a few fibers are connected”.
Visions of floating, ripped, shredded ends-of-hamstring…..with the last threads hooked to the bone ready to get disconnected any minute….popped into my mind.
They should be connected!
Milliseconds later, almost simultaneously, Attack of The Self movie begins. What a ding-bat! I told you I shouldn’t have done that gymnastics move! You are so stupid!
See!?!
The thoughts come in like a wave. This situation is not good. Things are floating when they should be attached. I’ll never run, jump, dance, do gymnastics the same again. It’s all down hill from here.
But honestly…and I don’t know how this happens except from constantly returning to The Work and inquiring into these fearful beliefs…about 30 seconds later I was wondering what interesting, good, or advantageous thing would come from this?
Bizarre, right?
But thank goodness.
Ask the four questions often enough, and they start to sink in or become more automatic, it seems.
Is it true that this part of the body should be connected to that part of the body?
Is it true that anything that you’ve observed that is separated from something SHOULD be connected to it instead?
I have thought this many, many times, in many situations…dishes that broke in two, relationships that ended, friends or family who I haven’t seen, buildings where the roof was blown off by a hurricane, divorce, my child leaving home.
It really should have stayed connected. That would be better!
Are you sure?
Yes. This is painful. This costs money. This is hard. This is sad.
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Even if you answer “yes” again…carry on. It seems like my hamstring really should be connected to the bone. Although I can’t necessarily know 100%…it would be my preference.
But this is not about MY preference.
Oh. Right.
I can feel what it’s like to believe that any of these things should be connected, as they once were….not separated.
Angry, disturbed, terribly frightened. Visions of what has to happen to fix or repair it.
So who would I be without the thought that the state it is in, apparently disconnected and separated, is TERRIBLE?
I have no idea what this means about the future. I’m way more relaxed. I’m very curious about what the sports medicine doctor says when I see him.
I turn the thought around to the opposite: the hamstring should be disconnected from wherever it’s supposed to attach.
I should be disconnected from that person, that house, that friend. Those dishes should be broken.
I may have no idea why….yet.
But even being open to this turnaround being as true…that is expansive, I’m anticipating with an open mind.
I get to feel that this “body problem” is not so important. Joy is still present. Joy and Peace are still possible, right here, right now, with disconnected hamstrings.
“How do you live when you believe the thought that your body should be different? How does that feel? “I’ll be happy later, when my body is healed.” “I should be thinner, healthier, prettier, younger.” This is a very old religion. If I think my body should be different from what it is now, I’m out of my business. I’m out of my mind!” ~ Byron Katie
WOW! Amazing situation, and I’m living in the middle of it, wondering what will happen next….since it’s up to Reality and the business of Something Bigger….not me.
All I can do is open to what’s next .
My part is inquiring. My part is to open my hands, stop clenching against this situation, to stop feeling like a victim.
“Stop pretending that you are in bondage—stop telling yourself that lie! Stop pretending to be someone, or something! You are no one, you are no-thing! You are not this body or this mind. This body and mind exist within who and what you are. You are pure consciousness, already free, awake, and liberated. Stand up and walk out of your dream. I am here to say that you can do this.” ~ Adyashanti
I can walk out of this dream—and I don’t need a hamstring to do it! Ha!
You can too.
Love, Grace