Have you ever had an incident where something of yours was stolen, vanished, taken, or moved….and you became very upset?
All of us have experienced something like this, of course, and often at a very young age.
We’re playing with a fun toy that we love, we have something special that we keep in a secret hidey place, and one day, its gone.
Or another kid (or sibling) comes along and grabs it! Right out of our hand!
The childhood memories often seem unimportant, or forgotten.
And yet, if someone comes along and takes something you believe is yours, right now, as an adult…
….you may notice the same kind of reaction on the inside as when you were a kid.
Panic! Anger! Where’s my thing?!
This is TERRIBLE! I will never find another thing like that one! It was soooo hard to get that thing! That thing cost a lot of money!
It’s *M*I*N*E* !!!
The other day I returned to my little toyota that had been parked on a city street for about five hours, and as I approached, I saw that there was a bunch of stuff on top of the roof.
Hmmm, kinda strange.
Oh look, it was MY stuff, from the inside of my car! Papers, sunglasses, umbrella, mug.
In fact, someone had ransacked the car, every cubby and glove compartment and CD case all torn open, thrown around, strewn over the back seat.
My gym bag was gone. My cool nike shoes!
Nothing was worth much.
EXCEPT THOSE SHOES! ARRGGGGHHH!
But it was almost like the images, the wondering about who was here, who did this, what they were thinking, and where my stuff was NOW would appear as an idea to follow….and then it would sort of fizzle out.
Oddly, within seconds of registering that the shoes were gone, I thought, oh, I’ve been wanting new ones.
But what if I had something really valuable in my car? A new purchase left on the seat? A secret envelope with money?
As I put things back where they were before, I thought about Byron Katie and one of her stories about returning to her home after traveling and finding everything completely gone.
Only mattresses left.
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to the highest level!
I’ve been wronged! Disrespected! Attacked! Violated!
The stress rises, the worry, the images, the anger. But instead of riding that very upset horse into the sunset and screaming at the thief, wanting revenge…let’s start questioning.
Let’s see what happens, as we investigate.
Is it true that you have been wronged, violated? Do you really need those things that were once here, which are now somewhere else, apparently?
YES! Of course I need them! Can’t you see what I can’t now do, without those things?! This is BAD. This is serious!
Are you sure?
YES! That piece of jewelry was in my family for three generations! That computer cost me a ton of money! I can’t replace that car!
I find that when I think about losing things that I value highly, I don’t really, really know that it’s true that the situation is dire, that I can’t go on, or that I can’t live without those things.
I do not know that it is true that this is 100% terrible!
How I react when I believe someone took my stuff and I need it?
Frightened! It could happen again! Angry! I am a victim! Pain, stress, tense!
Who would I be if I didn’t believe at this core, deep level that I have been violated? That I can’t go on, or that this is truly horrible, un-fixable, irreplaceable, impossible?
For me, I see that everything is temporary, when I don’t believe these thoughts.
I see that I am breathing, comfortable, even excited, connected with others….the world is actually full of stuff. Things are all around me, new items entering my life, old items leaving.
Everything changes form. Everything.
I begin to see evidence of the turnarounds being truer than my thought that this is bad, hard, terrible, wrong.
Perhaps from this (I can see the excitement arising already) comes good, easy, wonderful, right.
Not denial (I still file the police report).
Not passive. Not at all.
Alive, thrilled, happy, creative energy.
“Every disaster, whether on a personal level or on a collective level, it looks dreadful….Often, disaster means that forms dissolve….it’s as if a hole were opening up in the fabric of existence….it’s painful, but that is the hole where God shines through.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Even to stop and rest in this a moment, to entertain this possibility that all is ultimately well, that something good can come from this thing that looks like loss….
….you do not have to clap your hands for joy, only open to the idea that loss happens, and so does gain. Always.
Love, Grace