Oh my, such a wonderful group forming that will meet on Thursdays beginning 9/12 for a year together 5:15 pm Pacific time. Head over to the page to learn more. Scroll all the way down for every bit of information: Learn About YOI Here.
Special Heads Up to those of you in India, China, Japan, Indonesia (where I traveled last June), Australia, Hawaii or the whole US of A, because this particular YOI group meets at a time of day that could work for you, as in during waking hours but not while you’re at work!
One of greatest assists to deep inquiry for me has been hearing other peoples’ thoughts and their investigations.
The other day while in my car I randomly grabbed a CD out of my little collection stuffed into my glove box and popped in what turned out to be Byron Katie facilitating a woman who was certain that her boyfriend liked big-breasted women, which she was not.
I remembered hearing this dialogue a long time ago—this CD had been in my car for at least five years.
At the time that I first heard it, I grew aware of all the ideas I had about relationships and what people were or were not supposed to be doing in them.
Although I can hardly relate to any of it now (and when I do, I’ve got self-inquiry)…I listened closely to the answers from that woman Katie was working with.
The woman was so sure that she was not liked and accepted because her boyfriend was looking at other women.
It takes a lot of energy, focus and concentration to dictate to someone how you think they should act, think, speak, or feel.
And the result is a tremendous amount of suffering.
I remember.
I used to believe the same list:
- a person in a committed relationship shouldn’t be attracted to other people
- he shouldn’t light up when those women walk in the room
- she shouldn’t touch him with her hand, laugh at his jokes, flirt with him if she’s aware he is married
- she shouldn’t dance with him
- he shouldn’t be so dependent on me
- if he/she loses interest, it means my body isn’t good enough
- he shouldn’t use porn, fuss about sex, obsess over potential partners
- she should have a good income, support herself, accept me unconditionally
The list can go on and on stating what we think is best, so therefore this other person should follow my rules.
Then….I will be happy.
When I am happy, all is well. We have fun. I pay attention, I love, I express appreciation.
The only trouble was….that way of being was a lot of work. And very confusing.
Conditional love is by nature quite confusing, because it doesn’t really and truly fit who we are.
Katie asked the woman on the CD if it was actually true that her boyfriend shouldn’t like big-breasted women.
Shouldn’t he like whatever he liked? Isn’t that reality?
I remembered how often I’ve had the idea that I MYSELF shouldn’t like whatever I like.
I shouldn’t like this guy, I shouldn’t be attracted over there, I shouldn’t be repulsed by that one, I should be more interested, less interested, differently interested.
I should be interested in “spiritual things”, not money, or movies, or food, or sex (as if those weren’t spiritual).
Who would you be without the thought that when you notice your preferences, or someone else’s preferences, they, or you, are WRONG?
Does it work to shout at yourself “Don’t like that! You moron!”
Does it stop you from liking what you like? Does it stop someone else from liking what they like?
I notice it only makes me feel ashamed for liking it, not happy.
Are you absolutely sure you shouldn’t or should be interested in “x”?
Who would I be, in that same woman’s situation without the thought that the man shouldn’t ogle other women’s breasts?
But. He’s gross. Everyone would agree in THIS particular situation.
He’s got bad taste, he’s adolescent, he’s boring, he’s shallow, he’s entirely non-spiritual and immature.
With the thought that this human being should be different?
I am full of jealousy, anger, frustration, loneliness, disturbance, angst, worry, complaining.
It’s an inner war. I’m afraid.
Without the thought that he should be different?
I am back here in my own business, in my own body, and I wait here.
Ahhh….the world opens up in the most amazingly wild, fantastic way.
I am NOT afraid—and if I am, I can look more deeply at what truly scares me rather than just jumping to the conclusion that HE IS WRONG.
Suddenly in that situation as I stand there on the imaginary street in the same fantasty as the woman on the CD, I notice so many more people around than other women, this man, women’s body parts, or loss.
I notice there’s a whole huge world full of people and noise and nature.
Everyone so unique, sensual, sweet, embodied. Beauty is everywhere!
Even right here in my own body. I am so happy with my own body, with the breasts just as they are, that I want to giggle.
The whole entire objection seems absurd, hilarious.
I feel happy for the boyfriend and all the people who notice what they like!
“As long as you perceive that anyone is holding you back, you have not taken full responsibility for your own liberation. Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but Freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy.” ~ Adyashanti
I love that this woman shared herself with Katie, allowed the recording, went for it with anyone who was listening.
Her honesty changed my life for the better….her confessing her own inner concerns, her fears, her hopes and demands helped me.
If you’ve got the spark inside you to connect with other inquiring minds who really do want to understand how on earth to love what is, then check out the One Year Program or the upcoming fall classes below.
Connecting with yourself out loud, you may alter someone else’s relationship with their world. Without even trying.
You may inspire us, without even thinking about how. Just being you.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead
Year Of Inquiry (YOI) and other groups ARE a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens.
Yes….they can change your world…by showing you theirs.
Love, Grace