Tag: the worst that could happen

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Terror, ugliness, unacceptable, unbearable….doing The Work on the worst that could happen

When you spend 4 days doing The Work with a group, something happens to everyone’s perspective. Instead of the daily routine of life, our view shifts into a broader awareness.

It’s like the feeling you get when watching a magnificent sunrise.

Or receiving and giving a hug. Holding someone’s hand when they’re ill or dying. Being at the birth of a baby. Suddenly being startled at a gorgeous lush tree full of blossoms.

Everyone has these kinds of moments, where you’re startled by the beauty or insight that’s just inserted itself into your present moment.

In this retreat, we looked and sat with one important question, pens in our hands, blank paper on our laps.

The question: what’s the worst thing that could ever happen in your life?

Whew.

What a question, right?

Holy smokes.

I watched as all the participants closed their eyes, wrote in their journals and notebooks.

Now….what do you think it would mean, if this terrible thing happened?

What would it mean about you, about them, about life?

For me, I’ve thought about a dreadful image when I’ve answered this question. The worst thing ever happening? My children dying. Oh jeez. Not that terrible image again. Ugh.

It’s almost weird to write about. Why go there? Why event mention this dreadful, horrible, ridiculous, not-true scenario? Is there something wrong with me? Why would I give this possibility the time of day? I must be some kind of masochistic weirdo to want to sit with this terrifying disturbance of losing my kids.

But it’s there, nevertheless. A fear. I think I couldn’t go on if this happened. I notice sometimes in the world, peoples’ kids die.

So I’m willing to take a look, since the thought scares me.

Which is what I love about The Work.

The invitation is to open up to the underworld, the terrifying, the thoughts already present, the worries, the fears, the dread.

Let’s get them HANDLED…says The Work. Even if you think four questions couldn’t possibly “handle” your greatest fears.

I invite you to see.

Write down what you think is the worst thing ever that could happen in your life. It’s often about some kind of deeply troubling loss. A relationship, an inability to function, rejection, abandonment, betrayal.

Let’s inquire.

It would be (or, lets face it…it already happened and it WAS) the WORST thing ever.

Is it true?

(First question of The Work).

We’re inquiring. In the grand scheme oft things, we’re opening up to the choice that we’re believers, or we question what we believe….there’s no other possibility.

So let’s question, since it’s an option.

Is it true this would be the worst thing ever?

Yes.

Hands down, yes.

I couldn’t live life ever again in the same way if my kids died.

But can you absolutely know it’s true that it’s the worst thing? Can you absolutely know you couldn’t go on living? Can you absolutely know you’d lose your mind in grief, or freak out, or NOT be able to handle it? Can you know you’d be engulfed in sorrow and wither away into nothing?

How do you react when you believe in this possibility? When you think this is the worst? When you scream at yourself not to think this thought, ever EVER (because it’s so scary)?

I gasp. I try to stop thinking it. I bat it away. I tell myself positive things. And I feel underlying fear. I see images of my kids dying. I think I’m the kind of person who might go through this horrible event, so I brace myself. I don’t know how to prevent it, so I feel frightened. I feel like the future is dim, not bright.

I start imagining that if I think this thought…I’ll invite it. Which just exacerbates and threatens even more, and brings on self-criticism in addition to the original fear. (What’s wrong with you? Stop thinking this!)

But who would I be without the thought my kids will die?

It’s a worthy question. To consider what it would be like to NOT THINK that dreadful thought?

This is not about pretending or denying they’ll die. It’s wondering who I’d be without the thought pounding in my brain that they will.

I’d be relaxed. I’d see what else is going on. I’d open up to other ideas. I’d notice what’s working, even though this could (or has) happened.

And what about if this terrible thing that COULD happen or already did happen…what if it’s OK that it happened? Or the best thing that could happen, instead of the worst?

I know it’s a little abrupt. I know the word “best” is a little weird. But in this world of duality, we’re interested in worst/best, good/bad, terrible/wonderful.

And we’re interested in shaking things up. Considering what good could come out of the “worst case scenario”. Is there anything you can think of that might be GOOD about that horrible thing happening?

Several years ago, I got cancer.

I had surgery, and was lying in bed at home one day later with 50 stitches in my thigh, doing The Work. I looked at my leg, and was amazed the place where the tumor was removed looked like a piece of pale cream-colored leather with a huge gash in it, stitched with a gray colored thread evenly spaced.

How could I think of this situation as the best thing that ever happened? Really? What? I couldn’t find it. There is NO turnaround for this. It’s awful, there’s no reason. Cancer truly sucks. Nothing good can come of this. All awful, all the time, 24 hours a day. It shouldn’t happen. I’ll probably die of cancer, even if it’s not THIS cancer.

Who would I be, without this story though, that it’s the worst thing ever?

Oh. You really want me to do The Work on THIS situation too? Seriously?

Yes. Because you can question anything. The Work is here to open your mind, no matter what’s going on. It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care what situation you’re looking at.

Who would I be without my story, in that moment I was lying in bed with stitches in my leg from my cancer operation?

I’d notice when my estranged husband knocked on the door, with our two very young children, holding two-dozen pink roses.

We hadn’t been talking closely. He had left the marriage and we were on the way to divorce. And here he was, showing up while caring for our kids because of my surgery, bringing this gift of flowers. Caring.

Ah ha. I just found my turnaround inquiry.

Since this happened, the BEST thing that happened came next. Sweetness. A show of caring, when I thought he didn’t. (And we still got divorced, and that turned out to be a good thing too).

And so can I find a turnaround example for it being OK that my kids die?

Well….I wouldn’t have to worry about them going through global warming and suffering immensely because the earth is dying. I wouldn’t have to worry about them at all, in fact. They’d miss old age, which appears to be difficult at times (unless you do The Work of course). I’d be off the hook for leaving any inheritance. They’d enter the Great Beyond before I even did, wow. They’d get there without all this wondering and incessant seeking for Enlightenment and Truth.

This work is a little strange. I admit. Noticing your most resistant fears and thoughts about life.

But oh so worth it.

Because in the end, what I discovered I’m really worried most about it ME dying, if THEY died.

Me dying, however, may not be the troubling event I anticipate. Even if my body lived….my heart might mend in such a powerful way, I would recognize that what died was my ego, not love.

And just like my father who died so many years ago of leukemia, I’d notice he may not be here in physical form, but I think of him often, I consult with him, I feel his presence, he’s part of my DNA. So did he even die?

Who would I be without my story of WORST or BEST?

Unafraid. Free. Curious. Open.

“The Tao Te Ching says that the source of everything is called ‘darkness’. What a beautiful name (if we must have a name). Darkness is our source. In the end, it embraces everything. Its nature is love, and in our confusion we name it terror and ugliness, the unacceptable, the unbearable. All our stress results from what we imagine is in that darkness. We imagine darkness as separate from ourselves, and we project something terrible onto it. But in reality, the darkness is always benevolent.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Spring Mental Cleaning Retreat Seattle 2017 (Next retreat is Breitenbush in Oregon June 21-25, 2017 and Fall Retreat in Seattle is Oct 19-22, 2017)

Much love,

Grace

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How do want nothing, other than what is?

Work With Grace
“Inquiry is grace. It wakes up inside you, and it’s alive, and there’s no suffering that can stand against it.” ~ Byron Katie

We’re in Month #10 of Year of Inquiry. The final quarter of the year.

Our topic is to go to your worst fears, your deepest stressful beliefs, your experience of loss, endings, death, goodbyes.

You don’t have to conjure up a horrible scenario (although this can be really fascinating to do with The Work–to look at what frightens you most and take it to inquiry).

We’re looking sincerely at what’s occurring in life, how we’re feeling about All This, and writing down what we think about it.

Now here’s a weird thing going on with people in Year of Inquiry, and it’s happened before.

Some are facing the illness of people they love, or recent near-death of someone they know, or a slightly new chapter on a life situation like a job ending, a decision looming, separation from their partner. Someone even began yesterday with a one-month sabbatical from their work, coinciding with this topic of change, fear, loss, or worry.

Maybe, it’s just that people when doing The Work as a regular practice month to month begin to get to the core underlying beliefs they really, truly, honestly want to question.

Our greatest worries and fears.

One incredibly powerful expression uttered by Byron Katie is the following saying that knocked my mind open the first time I heard it, and it still blows me away: “The only problem, is an unquestioned thought.”

Wait….what?

With all the difficulty, sadness, grief, shock and horrifying things that happen in the world….

….can it really be true that the thoughts about what’s happening is what causes the most pain?

The mind will race around, ready to argue that if you accept what is, you won’t “fight” for what’s right, or help change the world, or change your own life for the better.

Surely, says the mind, it’s the event, the way something happened, the way that person acted, the words I heard, the thing I lost….

….that created pain.

Right?

If it had not happened that way, then I’d be fine.

Are you sure, though?

Are you positive you can’t be fine, even with all the sh*t that went down? Are you absolutely sure you can’t be happy, even though you lost him or her or that?

Who would you be without your story that when “x” happens (death, pain, cancer, bankruptcy, divorce, injury, conflict, mental illness)….

….It. Is. Awful.

What if the opposite was true?

What if something, at least one thing, came out of whatever happened……that served me, or someone else?

What if it simply wasn’t as devastating as I thought? What if, even though people die, or I will die, I can trust the way it goes?

I notice death and endings and loss happen.

What if this is the way of it, reality…..and it’s OK? Even good? Or atleast undetermined and unknown?

Can I really know as much as God or the whole totality of the universal plan? Can I be sure of what I’m seeing when using only my mind to decide what’s good and what’s bad?

Can I really know the things I’ve learned, or believed, to be terrible…..ARE terrible?

No. I can’t answer “yes” honestly.

I do not know that what I believe to be horrific, or devastating, or terrifying eternally fundamentally is horrific.

When something seriously difficult has happened, I’ve hated it at first maybe, or been afraid, but I’ve lived through it (so far)….

….and I can’t find a time I didn’t learn something, grow in some way, change for the better, find connection with others, become amazed by the support available, or find love at the bottom of the fear.

Try it for yourself.

Find the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Write it down, so you don’t switch around the words or get tricky or decide you’d rather not look at this troubling thought.

Take it to inquiry.

It may be the best thing you ever did for yourself….to question your mind.

“And then the full horror of the situation appeared…..Immediately inquiry arose: ‘I am this’–is it true? Is it true that I am this forever? How do I react when I believe that? What would I be without the thought?….Thought and questions arose at the same instant and canceled each other out. The horror was equivalent to a deep gentleness, a caressing, a full, immovable acceptance. There was no discomfort….I wanted nothing other than what is.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you’d like to sit in the presence of Byron Katie via live video as they stream her silent retreat from Switzerland July 9-12 (only 6 weeks away) then please join me for only $165 to attend the entire event in a large, very comfortable, private retreat lodge in far northeast Seattle area. Already half full, there is space for you if you need/want to spend the night (for a very reasonable additional fee–please let me know if you’re interested).

Last year we filled to the max (24) so I encourage you to sign up now. If you can only attend a part of the retreat, you will still have individual access to the videos of Katie for a minimum of one day (everyone will get to sign up for their favorite additional personal viewing time–when they can log-in by themselves in their own home through August 31st.)

Being With Byron Katie retreat is a once-a-year experience and no other retreats are like it. Our local Seattle event will be held in silence in between all sessions with Katie, and we’ll watch all sessions on a huge flat screen, and listening together.

To sign up for this amazing (and remarkably inexpensive way to be with Katie for 4 days) please click HERE.

Much love, Grace

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Imagination without investigation = h – e – double hockey sticks

imagination without investigation feels like Hell
imagination without investigation feels like Hell

In our Year of Inquiry group, this month we’re looking at The Worst That Could Happen.

Nice and cheery. (Ha ha).

But here’s the thing. Doing The Work on events we’ve found terrible, tragic, horrifying, difficult….seems to expand the mind to include not only the sense of being shattered (no denial of the event in other words) but MORE than only this.

How does that work, being shattered and yet alive, even whole?

It’s the strange paradox of life apparently, part of the duality everyone is speaking about.

(I don’t think of duality as a terrible thing, by the way, and like we all must get to NON-dual ASAP, or else….)

When our Year of Inquiry group is investigating terrible tragedy, or frightening images and visions (the worst that could happen) we notice there’s a never-ending supply of ideas the mind can come up with.

That’s not what this work is about….accumulating scary pictures and scaring ourselves with them, like watching horror movies on purpose.

What this exercise is about, for me, is addressing fear, and noticing what’s actually really true.

Almost every time I’ve considered something “horrifying” or a really bad terrible experience, it’s not as bad as I thought.

Long ago, I was driving on a long road trip with my former husband.

We were in the very last week of our 3 month adventure, driving through tall yellow wheat fields in California on a small blue highway. Rounding a corner in the late afternoon/early evening sun, we saw a truck turned up on its side, and two bodies lying on the earth some distance from the truck.

We stopped.

The bodies were moving. Everything came into consciousness very fast.

Woman, bloody head, turning from side to back, calling out. Small boy, no blood, lying face down quite a few feet away. We’re both jumping out of the car, doors slam, I run to woman, he runs to boy. High alert. Woman talking, moaning, drunk. Boy shaken opening eyes. My husband getting a blanket, boy standing up, lots of blood coming out of a big cut in woman’s forehead.

Two other cars stopping on the road. Someone shouting they’re going back to store to call 911. This was before anyone had a cell phone (1990). I stay with mother of the boy, holding her hand which she’s squeezing, trying to keep a towel on her bloody head and it’s not working well since she’s moving around, worried about her boy, not thinking clearly. Her leg is in a crazy twisted position and must be broken.

In the dusk, a helicopter. First aid men running. We can leave now.

Back in the car, everything was back to normal motion.

Can you believe that happened? We say to each other.

We’re far later traveling to our destination than anticipated. My sister’s place where she lives while she goes to school at Berkeley. We hear her worried voice when we stop to call and say what happened. She waits up.

We arrive at 11:00 pm. At midnight, I can’t sleep. At 1:00 am. At 2:00 am. at 3:30 am. I basically stay up all night, adrenaline coursing through me AFTER the whole thing was over. I was entirely safe. I was always entirely safe, but my mind is seriously freaking out, seeing the pictures of what happened over and over.

During the whole thing, I was waiting, calm but extremely awake. I never thought once that time was passing too slowly. I had no reference for time passing at all as we waited for help, as I held this woman’s hand and tried to stop the blood from her head and wondered if I should try to move her twisted leg and decided against it.

I can’t sleep more than 2 hours for 3 nights.

Then I start telling myself I shouldn’t be so freaked out, it didn’t even happen to me, no one died, what’s wrong with me am I too sensitive?

The truth is, that was a traumatic, sudden, surprising situation.

Often, sudden surprises like this are shocking….and they are The Worst That Could Happen.

But what I see now, from here, from doing The Work on this very situation even though it happened 26 years ago, was how everything was present there, including peace: support (the earth), first aid, me and my then-husband, a beautiful California night, my sister’s home, a quiet landscape with soft wind blowing.

Maybe it was the end of drinking for the mother, the end of her driving while drunk. Maybe it was the end of them not using seat belts.

I really don’t know what it meant in their story, all I can know is what I assumed it meant in mine. My entire psychic, physical, mental and emotional system held the belief “this is the worst, it should never happen, there is no good that can come out of this event or any event like it, the world is a dangerous place.”

Was it true?

Could I absolutely know that situation was 100% entirely dangerous, and no good could come from it?

No.

I’m here. Nothing fundamentally permanently terrible really happened, to be honest.

How did I react when I believed it was terrible, dangerous, horrifying?

Surged like an electric fence with anxiety. Repeating the event over and over and over in my head for days, then weeks, and even now I can remember it vividly.

Who would I be without the belief it was the worst that could happen, a terrible event….dangerous?

Huh? Weird.

Although I see, it’s only dangerous to my mind. This body was untouched. There were many healthy bodies all helping out. The hurt bodies of the boy and his mother appeared to be intact (not dead, that’s for sure).

What was in danger? My mind! My believing! Threatened! Scared! Panicked!

Who would I be without the thought the world is a dangerous place, as I consider that scene?

Somehow…..empty. But a good kind of empty, like a light unknowable, unknowing empty. It’s almost funny for some weird reason, right now.

Life went on. I have lived for 26 more years past that incident, and had many, many good times and awe-struck moments, and love, and peace, and awareness and difficulty and loss and clarity.

It seems we’re all here temporarily, I notice. What if this is a good thing? What if I trusted Reality?

Without the belief the world is dangerous, I notice I’m sitting at a table in a quiet living room, writing. I hear a lawn mower in the distance outside, and the refrigerator humming.

“Who or what would you be without this story? You’ve already been living the worst that could happen. Imagination without investigation. Lost in hell. No way out….But there’s not dark hole you can go into where inquiry won’t follow. Inquiry lives inside of you if you nurture it for awhile. Then it takes on its own life and automatically nurtures you. And you’re never given more pain than you can handle. You never, ever get more than you can take. That’s a promise.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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I hate thinking about this

darkness1
peace is possible in every situation, even the one you hate thinking about

What do you do if you’re anxious, concerned, or troubled about what MIGHT happen in the future?

If the FUTURE is the thing stressing you out, how do you do The Work, or inquire, on that imaginary circumstance?

Someone asked me to write about this the other day.

Great question.

My first response is to chuckle a little….

….because that imaginary future scene we’re so afraid of feels like TOTAL imagination and making up a worrisome story, right?

Except, these memories or situations from the past….they’re also filled with imagination.

You might think….no.

That can’t be true.

In the past, this terrible horrible thing really did happen. I know it. I was there!

Doing The Work isn’t about denial, or saying something actually did not occur, because that would be weird or a bit crazy.

But this work is about investigating what we decided about that thing that occurred in the past. Our conclusions, the idea that we never, ever want to go through that again because we’re certain it wasn’t safe, it shouldn’t have happened, and it was unsurvivable.

Throughout life, to make matters worse, we learn about tough things happening to other people….and it’s natural to conclude that if bad things happen to people in this world, THEY’LL HAPPEN AGAIN!

And maybe to ME!

HHHEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!

With the logical mind, you’d almost be bonkers NOT to conclude this.

But what I love about The Work is, we’re entering the mind, thoughts, imagination, thinking, visualizing and wondering what’s really true….

….and feeling what it would be like without believing our thoughts.

So let’s do a little exploration of Future Worries today and inquire.

Picture one of those upsetting things happening to you in the future.

If you really want to go for it, you can picture The Worst That Could Ever Happen.

I know this idea is intense.

You might want to do it in a group, or with a facilitator, and make sure you have support–you do anyway, no matter what, but having people with you can help.

(Just remember, it’s all in the mind, you are actually safe even if you think of horrible things).

I did this work myself.

The worst thing I could ever imagine happening was my kids dying suddenly.

It made me feel nauseated and I’d shout “DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT!” at myself.

I remember how vividly I considered this loss right after my first child was born.

My son, lying in his tiny car seat, seemed too delicate to even place in a car. I suddenly felt like I should never ever leave the house. Ever.

I was stunned with what I had just done. I had given birth and created such an intense tie with this human life, it dawned on me I could lose it.

I WOULD lose it, one day.

We were in separate bodies now (unlike pregnancy), and one of us would move on out of a body, who knew when, into this thing called “death” and the other “left behind” for awhile longer. That’s the only thing that could be known. No timing of it, no order of it, nothing else could ever be known about this process of traveling through this temporary life. My child might die before me, or me before child.

Only one thing was for certain. We both would eventually die.

So I sat with this imaginary horror show experience. Both my children dying.

Let’s do The Work.

Is your terrible vision something you are sure you couldn’t handle?

Are you positive it would be impossible to go on clearly, if it did?

Can you find, even a teensy eensy speck, of acceptance that these things do happen in reality, and life does indeed go on, and people not only survive but thrive sometimes?

Are you sure it’s true what you think about such difficulties isactually true?

Are you certain it’s as horrible as you think in this moment right now?

Byron Katie used to have a question she’d ask from time to time. It’s pretty blunt, and might sound kind of harsh.

And yet, I find very worthy of deep consideration.

“Who needs God, when we have your opinion?” 

Gulp.

Even if you don’t like the word “God” you can substitute “Reality” or “Life” or “What Is”.

You mean….I might be….wrong? Or have one tiny perspective here that’s not the whole entire picture?

Oh. Right.

I notice, even if I don’t like something, or am terrified of death, hardship, separation, whatever….these events exist.

Could I look at them differently?

Who would you be without the belief that this vision you have, that’s pretty worrisome or devastating to think about….is bad, terrible, not handle-able, total destruction, evil or wrong?

Again, you aren’t denying the heart-breaking experience of loss, and change, and the feelings that pour out of it.

In fact, I learned of someone today, who I don’t know personally, whose son and 11 month old grandson were killed by a drunk driver one week ago.

I burst into tears.

But without the thought that this should never happen, or that nothing ever good comes out of it…..

…..without feeling terror of it, or against it, what might this be like?

You know when you go to the movies, and you see a very sad event occur, and you’re filled with sadness or fear? You might even cry in the movie theater.

Then the movie ends, and you wipe your eyes and ponder. Maybe you even sit quietly for awhile, in silence.

You’re aware that something deep has moved in you, and it’s moved through you because you felt.

You also know, it’s not real.

It was just a story.

Stories seem to happen in the human condition. Every kind of story you ever dreamed of (or had a nightmare about) happens in the human condition.

Everything.

But who are you, right now, without knowing exactly WHY anything happens or even needing to know?

Who would you be if you could relax in the presence of suffering, and hard stories, and the mind imagining all kinds of troubling things whether past or future?

What do you notice is here, besides “thinking”?

Even if you have visions of the apocalypse….what do you notice is here, now, holding all these stories and surrounding these difficult visions?

“Love can take everything into itself and remain complete – it can take in heartbreak, pain, fear, anger, sadness, total devastation. It can be crucified over and over again, and still remain whole. It knows no opposite, no enemy, no other. Only itself. Eternally, timelessly, Now.” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance

Now….here’s the interesting part.

Turn your thoughts around about that possible scene making you anxious about the future.

Could anything interesting, or good, or beneficial, or helpful come out of that vision that scares or repulses you?

Has anything OK come out of that kind of thing ever before in the history of humanity?

As I do this work again today, I’m brought back to my nightmare vision of my kids dying.

What would be OK about it, or what might happen after that happens, or is there anything at all I can think of that would be acceptable about my nightmare?

What I thought about at the time was hard, but miraculous that I could find even one thing. I found three.

  1. I wouldn’t have to worry about making enough money to support them, feed them, pay for college–I was financially in ruins later on in life and horrified I couldn’t buy them clothes, school supplies, or music lessons.
  2. I could move anywhere I wanted in the entire world.
  3. They would never have to suffer through losing me, or their dad, or just about anyone in their lives.

If you can’t find any examples, let it sit there.

Notice in the world what has happened when the thing you’re afraid of has occurred in someone else’s life.

“I just met my thinking with a little understanding. I no longer saw it as an enemy that needed to die, go away, be–what was the term we used?–let go of it. Why would I let go of one of my children? Does that make sense? Our thoughts are our children. Why would we want to banish them? Why can’t we just join with them? And that’s what this Work does: it meets every concept with understanding.” ~ Byron Katie in Who Would You Be Without Your Story

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now. Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295.

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Without your horror story, what do you notice right now?

Without your dreadful thinking, even in the midst of great suffering....who would you be without your story about what is hard?
Without your dreadful thinking, even in the midst of great suffering….who would you be without your story about what is hard?

I’m sitting in such gratitude and delight in the power of people collecting together to investigate truth, suffering, love and being human here on planet earth.

Yesterday we had the first group of inquirers gathering for an 8 month adventure of meeting to do The Work.

(We’re full now, but I’ll do it again next year).

The mind, and the feelings following all the thoughts the mind produces, are magnificent.

But on a bad day….

…..it feels like it’s NOT so good that this mind is so magnificent.

It’s overwhelming.

You feel very much alone, and therefore lonely.

Kind of like this lifetime trek, especially with this mind, is never-ending and something always comes along to trip you up somehow.

Not feeling good seems super difficult, and drives people to seek relief.

Somewhere.

Anywhere.

Trouble is, sometimes there is relief, and sometimes not so much.

Even mentors or teachers, or methodologies, or practices, or books, or teachings we all agree are incredibly powerful and supportive….

….don’t always “work”.

Or sometimes, they work for awhile–we feel better temporarily.

Then, we just want to get back to that good-feeling place but we’re waving our arms around like a beetle turned upside down.

A few years ago, when sitting quietly listening to someone else do The Work on a situation that brought me to tears, I noticed a very persistent and painful underlying belief pop into my head.

This man had been responsible for killing a child by accident.

Life is full of suffering.

Its sooooooo sad.

I don’t like these stories, these terrible things that happen in peoples’ lives!

Horrible accidents, war, trauma, death, disease, starvation, depression, loneliness, being trapped or stuck emotionally.

I asked God (you can call it something else, call it Reality or The Force–that mysterious energy I have no idea how to define)….

…..what’s up with All This?

I asked this question as I heard the destruction, and pain, and the guilt this man expressed while doing The Work.

Flashes of many pictures came through my head. It felt like my heart would break.

People I personally knew who were currently suffering, people in the room I was sitting in, all of whom were there to understand better their difficult feelings about life, and how to become free of the negative, fearful, agonizing thoughts about what happens here.

Why is it so hard? I asked, feeling so desperately sad.

And bam, I realized I had a huge deep-seated base-level belief about being human.

It’s hard.

Bad things happen here.

Just listen to the news!

We wouldn’t be doing The Work, or in meditation retreats, or doing the things we all do, if life were easy, would we? Any of us?

But I felt the awareness of self-inquiry begin then to work on that thought, that deep belief, like a ping-pong bouncing and banging off edges everywhere.

Hard–easy–wanting it to be harder occasionally–wanting it to be easier (almost always, can’t this be easier)–harder–easier?

Too hard, too easy, not hard enough, not easy enough.

Well….let’s take a look at this belief.

Is it true that life is hard?

 

You’re seriously asking this question?!?

Of course it’s hard!

Did you hear what I heard? Have you seen what I’ve seen?

But wait.

Let’s slow down and wonder about this statement, this thing we’re calling “life” and how we conclude it’s hard.

Life is hard.

What is meant by that?

Usually, thoughts like I already mentioned….war, brutality, fear, death.

But is life, itself, hard (even if those things take place inside of life)?

Is it True?

Wait for it.

My answer is “no”.

I wound up here, alive, it turns out.

I didn’t invent life, or create this life. I was given it whether I like it or not.

It…..happened.

Life actually came first, not my thoughts about it, or my experience of it.

My attitude, and preferences, and whether I like it or not…..

…..developed as I grew, learning from all the people around me, taking in what I encountered.

I never thought to inquire about much, I was like a sponge.

No one knows why, or exactly how, life happens.

Not even the most brilliant scholars or genius minds or religious wise-people (although it is amazing to read everything you’re drawn to, if you enjoy it).

So is life itself, hard?

No. I really can’t find this to be absolutely true. I really don’t know what it is.

How do I react when I think this thought, as I listen to the suffering of other people, or remember times I believed I was in pain?

I want to cry and cry. It feels like a grief that is forever.

So sad that such terrible things happen to people, that everyone feels fear sometimes, everyone feels physical pain, loss and agnst.

But who would you be without the belief in the absolute-ness or grand broad idea that life itself is hard?

Not like denial, not like trying to slap a smile on, or think positively.

Just not acting like you’re sure having life itself, being alive, is HARD?

Who would I be without this thought?

I’d feel a pin of light on the inside of myself, maybe back behind my heart, that is here and accepting of everything, knowing I’m here as this body/mind but also perceiving more than what is here.

Just like a flower or a tree, I grow, I live, I die.

Nothing to be done.

Except to be, to wait, to feel the stillness, to feel the balance and unknown mystery of it all.

What if you collapsed and relaxed absolutely everything inside of you, everything about yourself?

Your muscles, your feelings, your mind, your hands, your eyes, your thinking, your breathing?

If you let it all relax, nothing to do…..what do you notice?

I noticed that’s the practice of who I would be without believing my thought that life is hard.

I don’t even have to actually NOT HAVE the thought….

…..only to feel the imagination enter my mind.

Who would I be, without believing that life is hard, even in the middle of loss, hopelessness, loneliness, or being with other people and their suffering?

Turning the thought around: life is easy.

Woah.

I actually have nothing to do with it.

It couldn’t really get much easier, you know?

It’s being completely run by something other than my mind, that’s for sure. I’m participating in it, without choice.

What could be easier than that?

Double-woah.

Except for my thoughts about “life”, it is the easiest thing in the world.

“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

 

What about in the middle of such terrible suffering, hearing about the story of someone who accidentally killed someone? Or suffered childhood abuse? What about wars and violence? What about dying of disease? Rage? Starvation? Thirst?

How about the turnaround: my thinking is hard.

If I did not believe my thoughts, I would see the suffering, but also the joy, in the experience of living.

I could find having no heavy opinion, no wish for it to be different than it is.

I wouldn’t feel hopeless, either, oddly enough–I wouldn’t treat myself like I’m a jerk for thinking life is hard sometimes.

I’d just notice, that’s the way of it. I have a brain, it turns out. Nothing wrong with that.

I would notice that in the moment I am picturing this man’s terrible story, I am actually in a room full of loving curious supportive people, all sharing this together, with unconditional love.

I almost missed it.

 

“It’s very simple: When we believe our stressful thoughts, we suffer; but when we question our stressful thoughts, we don’t suffer. We end our suffering. I’ve been told that the whole point of the Buddha’s teaching is the end of suffering. It’s the Fourth Noble Truth, Stephen tells me. Yes, human beings suffer when they don’t know how not to, and yes, it is possible to end all suffering simply by waking up to the difference between what is reality and what isn’t.” ~ Byron Katie in her Newsletter October 2012 

 

You mean, I can question the difficulty, sadness, or suffering….

….of anything?

Yes, anything.

 

“All suffering is mental. It has nothing to do with the body or with a person’s circumstances.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy  

 

Thank you everyone for coming along for the ride, for bringing your thoughts, concerns, worries, confusion, and despair to this Great Inquiry.

Who would we be without believing our stressful thoughts?

Noticing how shared this experience is, and how much we all love each other.

 

Excited.

Grateful.

Full of wonder.

Coming up with genius ideas for how to proceed.

Aware that the worst story, the one running in my head that isn’t even mine, is actually……over.

What do you notice right now in your reality?

 

Much love, Grace

P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30 has 4 spots still available. Question your story, change your world. Join us!