Tag: the work of Byron Katie

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A Day In Heaven With Technological Difficulties

Technology hell or heaven? Question your thinking and see.
Technology hell or heaven? Question your thinking and see.

Day before yesterday I spent a lot of time recording a video for Eating Peace and finishing my Peace Talk podcast episodes for the week on romantic love.

The first video got entirely deleted after there wasn’t any more “start up disk” space, and I spent an hour deleting old photos, movie clips and audio files….

….and apparently also, the video I had just created.

Then the Peace Talk podcast got trimmed the wrong way.

As in, I was deleting the very end silent space, I thought, but instead deleted the entire podcast and got left with…..the space.

Then my battery on my computer wouldn’t charge.

Down to the apple store for what turned out to be a new battery (they are always so nice at the apple store).

Back home.

Battery still won’t charge.

Back to the apple store for a new charger now, turns out.

Everything new! Yippee!

Do it over again!

Ha ha.

But I will say, this might be something in the past I’d have a hissy fit about.

However, I noticed I had intentionally arranged no clients (it was the day after retreat) and a mid-afternoon massage.

I pretty much futzed with technology until the massage. Then re-did everything I did earlier all over again AFTER the massage.

Who would I be without the thought that the technology situation was a “disaster” and “taking waaaaaaaay toooooooo long!” and even something to be upset about?

Noticing how I had time for everything.

I enjoyed waiting (twice) in the apple store working on emails and writing and hearing the hum of many voices all around, wearing my yoga pants and slippers back and forth between house, car, parking lot and store.

Stressed? Not really.

I heard the voice complaining about what a waste of time, blah blah, but it was like the voice was in a cave in the back yard, quite a distance away. I just couldn’t believe it was true.

Wow.

When I finished the video (no retakes! just one take!) it uploaded in record speed to youtube and just went out to all the Eating Peace subscribers.

So how was it a good thing that I had a day of non-stop technical details?

No idea.

But it sure was fun not having a heart attack about it. Kind of amazing, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Who knew.

“Praise this day–and with each breath you take be filled with the golden arc of love which announces the ending of your argument with God. Praise this day simply because it exists and sit down now in the warm skin of your own lap; for you are home and it is time to rest in the merciful light of your own eyes.” ~ Adyashanti

Yeah. Even on a day with broken batteries, chargers, vanishing files, deleted videos, time ticking by, deleted podcasts.

If I had run out of gas, or my car had broken down on the road or something, I might have been in heaven.

Except I think I already was.

Love, Grace

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Could You Be On Retreat, No Matter What You’re Doing?

Woah.

When you leave retreat, are you still on retreat? The light's blown out, but you are still home.
When you leave retreat, are you still on retreat? The light’s blown out, but you are still home.

Words can hardly express how ecstatically joyful I feel after being with an amazing retreat full of people this past weekend….

….all gathered together in Eating Peace, the in-person version of my new program rebuilt and expanded hugely this past year.

I finally sat down and wrote everything I ever learned that was absolutely key in dissolving emotional eating in my life.

Then I condensed the absolute most important points into 3 days.

I spent every hour with the group from 9 am until after dinner and our evening session.

Including meals.

We practiced mindful eating. Slowly taking each bite together, feeling the textures, the sensation of swallowing, the explosion of tastes, the smell of our food.

We did The Work of Byron Katie. We questioned our stressful beliefs.

I feel slow right now…..relaxed, kicking back, satisfied, accomplished.

And a funny thought came to mind as I returned home, noticed I felt hungry already upon arrival, and joined my teenage daughter chewing on roasted chicken right from the container.

We laughed and talked….and in the back of my mind I thought “what if all the participants in Eating Peace saw me eating now like this, standing in my kitchen, joking with my daughter, eating with my fingers?

OMG, they would see I’m different than the way I was on retreat!!”

Fortunately, I could notice that thought and not believe it, even chuckle, because I know this way of eating is just as wonderful for me as the other very slow, very mindful way of eating.

Really, both are sacred.

I do not forget that this thing called food, something apparently from outside of myself is entering and joining with me in a beautiful act of unification.

Two are becoming one, in the act of eating.

Even standing in the kitchen.

But it wasn’t always this way. In the past, when my eating was waaaayyyy disordered and horribly uncomfortable (even violent) I felt like I was TRYING to become one with something….

….desperately grabbing….

….but I just couldn’t feel it.

What it came down to was this one very painful thought about life, my inner world, and my relationship with the universe.

Something is scary here. Something is missing. Something is wrong with me. Quick! Run!

Other people have this same thought, I realized later.

They might not turn into eating weirdos with this alarming view of the universe….

….instead, they might drink, smoke, analyze, watch TV, shop, clean, exercise, THINK.

There are so many escapist activities to choose from, to take the edge off and hide for awhile, not feel so vulnerable, not be so daunted by the largeness of life.

But who would you be without the belief that you have to hide something? That there’s something wrong with you? Or that there is something frightening happening by being here on planet earth?

This is a huge idea….not easy perhaps to imagine.

And yet, you can.

You’ve imagined the opposite already, right?

You’ve imagined that the world is frightening, life is difficult, the universe is sometimes out to get you, or it’s chaotic. Bad things happen you’ve imagined. You’ve definitely thought there might be something missing, or wrong with you.

Why not see what it would be like, with that incredible imagination, without these dreadful, fearful thoughts?

What do you notice is happening right now, for example?

Are you OK?

Is anything truly dangerous occurring?

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment….What liberation to realize the voice in your head is not who you are.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Now, the retreat is over, but in truth, watching, clarity, love and gratitude continues to live….even if its in the kitchen, standing, laughing while holding a greasy chicken bone.
The retreat continues.

Love, Grace

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The Worst That Can Happen is A Thought

Most people have had the thought their body should be different than it is, at some point in their lives.

For some strange reason, I had a funny memory the other day.

It wafted through my mind…and I remembered how much this one “thought” taught me.

I was pregnant with my son.

This was my first baby (he is 20 now) and the whole experience was new, exciting, fascinating and strange.

How bizarre what happens here on planet earth, multiplying, dividing, oneness, separation. Constant falling apart and coming together.

But I digress.

I remember vividly standing in my living room of the cute little house where I lived with my then-husband, looking out the window through the slatted shades to the street, smiling with the bright late spring sun outside and the cool wooden floor beneath my bare feet.

I held my stomach and felt how thick it was on the outside, how round. I could look down and see the big curve.

Then I had a thought.

Wouldn’t it be nice right now to stretch up very tall on my tiptoes, both arms overhead, and suck in my stomach way back towards my spine with a deep inward breath, then let it all out.

Then instantly, realizing it was impossible for now….for weeks ahead, impossible for months….OMG.

A rush of adrenaline flicked through me!

And then….awareness.

If I hope for this right now, in this moment, I will be completely and 100% disappointed. Because that physical body stretch is impossible.

It’s an argument with reality.

I saw it, then I moved away from it, realizing how painful it would be to be to actually believe and spend time feeling that thought.

What thought would you like to move away from?

Why not do it?

If it hurts to believe it….could you drop that idea that you MUST have that experience (even if it’s something so small as stretching your arms up and sucking in your stomach)?

Who would you be without the thought that you’re stuck, or trapped, and things aren’t going well, right now?

For me…completely free.

I dropped the thought, without knowing it was an option until right then at that moment.

And it didn’t mean I didn’t stretch my arms way up in the air, reach up on my tip toes, arch back towards the sky, and suck in my stomach with a huge deep breath and feel the beautiful inward motion of it….very soon after I gave birth, and my body could do it again.

“You’re either attaching to your thoughts and feeling sadness, or investigating. The worst that can happen, now, is a thought.” ~ Byron Katie 

Love, Grace

To Comment on this Grace Note, click HERE. I love hearing from you and read every single one.

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He Shouldn’t Lean Away And Other Lies About Lovers

animals-fightingI was so excited and happy, full of anticipation.

I had been seeing a man who I thought was gorgeous, smart, clever and creative.

We had quite a few dates out, a few fancy dinners. We went to see some of the latest hip bands in cool downtown venues. We went to an art opening. We had a barbecue by the water during the luscious summer months, which turned into a bonfire on the beach late into the night, just the two of us talking.

Last night he had invited me to dinner on a Saturday.

At his house.

Hand clapping, beating heart. I liked where this was going!

I had spent the night.

This very morning, I had to get up super early and head for a previous commitment. But I had been giddy with attraction, slipping out his front door at dawn after whispering goodbye in his ear.

I felt like when you drink several cups of coffee.

Only much better.

Waves of the fun night before would wash through me. And now, it was evening on Sunday, after both of us had spent the day apart after our first night together.

I was on my way back to his house for a light supper of leftovers, he said, but an early night.

Yes….I really liked what was happening. This was fun, fun, fun.

Until.

As he opened that same front door that I had softly opened and closed about 12 hours earlier at the crack of dawn, I saw a strained look.

Oh. He didn’t embrace me, or even kiss me on the cheek.

I asked how his day was.

He said a few words, I followed him into his kitchen. He chatted a little. We went to the back patio to sit until the food was ready. He sat down on wrought iron chair that looked big enough for two, I sat right next to him, very close.

He leaned away, gazed off at the neighbor’s house. As in leaning *away*. Pretty obvious.

“That was kind of weird last night” he said. “I guess we’ve now experienced friends-with-benefits.”

Thunk.

What did he just say?

My heart dove.

Later, and very fortunately, I had The Work…

…so I could take this situation to inquiry.

Even though my head was screaming “How could I have gotten this so wrong? What an idiot I am,” and other thoughts all attacking me.

But have you ever noticed when you berate yourself, you’re missing very important clarity about what you actually think is true?

What I thought was true was I was being rejected.

It hurt.

I crunched down and really looked.

Who would I be without the belief that he should think any tiny little thing between us, including my specialness (or lack of specialness), should be any different?

Without the belief I was being rejected?

Without the belief it needed to go any differently?

I realized I would be filled with gratitude about our time together….

….and also move on to focus on other interesting men, other datable men, maybe men wanting more connection and conversation and time together than this one.

Nothing wrong with this particular man, at all. I could simply notice “oh…got it…” and have fun moving on with joyful anticipation.

Wow, what a relief to find this didn’t have to mean anything about me.

Ha ha!

The heavy weight from my heart lifted like a big hot air balloon floating into the sky.

“You’re the one who believes this lie that hurts so much. I hear from you that if you didn’t believe it, you’d be happy. And when you do believe it, you pry and demand. So how can your husband [or lover] be a problem? You’re trying to alter reality. This is confusion. I’m a lover of reality. I can always count on it. And I love that it can change, too. But I’m a lover of realty just the way it is now.” ~ Byron Katie 

Turns out, I did move on to other brilliant datable men. What an adventure!

One of them, I married.

Because that was, and is, so fun for me.

If you’re stuck in painful stories about who you should, or should not, be attracted to….or who should, or should not, be attracted to you….

….then come join the fun in Our Wonderful Sexuality, the teleclass that begins January 22nd.

It’s safe. It’s honest. It’s a breath of fresh air for sure.

At least, it has been for me.

If teleclasses are not your style, just begin with identifying your troubling beliefs about getting hurt.

You may find some relief, or total liberation.

Much love,

Grace

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Interviews With Self-Inquiry Experts…My Gift To You (The First of Many)

Wondering what all the fuss is about with this thing called “doing The Work”?

When I first read Loving What Is and tried self-inquiry using Byron Katie’s method….

….I couldn’t really stay on track.

Wait…what’s the next question? How do I do this? What am I supposed to be asking again? What do you mean by stressful belief anyway? I hate that question ‘is it true?’ How the heck would I know?What d’ya mean who would I be without thought? Seriously?

Ha ha!

I could hardly hold still long enough to hold a pen and paper and start writing, let alone sit there and actually DO this thing called The Work.

But that was over ten years ago.

Slowly but surely, with sometimes huge jumps in awareness and a whole new view of the world, other people, and my life….

….I kept being drawn back.

It’s been an incredible and wonderful ride. It has changed my entire world, and my relationship and perception of reality.

But I remember how awkward and confusing it was at the beginning.

So I’m doing a fun new thing, simply for the spirit of sharing and connecting and showing you how other people also have become affected by self-inquiry.

I’m interviewing people, certified facilitators of The Work of Byron Katie (for starters) and practitioners who are change-agents for others……who have personally found joy, awareness, enlightenment and peace through self-inquiry.

I’m recording the interviews, and sharing them with you.

My first guest is Todd Smith, and he is the sweetest!

Our conversation began with a few technical pauses and a discussion of google hangouts, not The Work–all deleted. So it jumps right in at the beginning.

What you get to listen to is our connection in The Work, what Todd learned, how his personal inquiry unfolded, and what it’s like for him now.

Interview with Todd Smith, Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie
Interview with Todd Smith, Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie

I’m keepin’ it simple and chill. I offer these interviews for all of our learning and insight.

Enjoy and let me know in the comments below the video how YOU have been affected by the doing The Work.

I love hearing your story!

Together, we all question, we all end suffering and inner and outer war, we all discover the peace beyond all understanding (in a good way)!

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” 
Much love, Grace
P.S. Lots of classes and opportunities in 2015! Registration is open, even for Breitenbush in June (it will sell out so I recommend doing it soon).
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Sold Out–What If You Don’t Like That Message?

Yesterday I clicked the BUY button to purchase tickets to an event I knew was happening all year. An annual event I have loved attending in the past.

It’s a Solstice Feast! People dress in the most fabulous costumes. Fawns and Centaurs, Garlands and six-foot long loaves of braided bread, music and dancing. The great hall is lit with candles and twinkling lights. People bring magnificent food, and their own plates and forks.

I love the dreamy, dark, magical experience….like being in a theater show as a part of the “crowd” and loving the creativity all about, and the joy of celebrating light and dark.

Last year, I couldn’t go to anything normally happening this time of year.

I had major surgery on my leg, I was lying very flat in bed on this day last year, hardly able to turn over, barely able to get up out of bed to go to the bathroom.

Ahhh the memories!

So this year, I’ve been looking forward to being at events like the solstice feast, that I haven’t attended in what feels like a very long time.

But after I clicked the BUY button, a message appeared.

SOLD OUT.

This event is no longer available.

What? Seriously?

But. That was going to be fun.

I’m missing out.

Pause.

Who would you be without the belief that when you get a “no” or it turns out something isn’t available, it’s BAD.

What if it was a good thing?

It saves so much time to have this new turnaround idea appear, excited about what new, different, unknown experience will happen instead.

Sometimes people have excited feelings about how they can approach a barrier from another angle.

Perhaps they’re figuring out a great challenge, discovering the cure for polio, or inventing the lightbulb.

So it doesn’t mean giving up…just a joy at a very deep inner place that says all is well, whatever occurs.

Even if it’s nothing….silence….staying home for the evening.

That’s wonderful, too.

“When you no longer have a will of your own, there is no time and space. It all becomes a flow. You don’t decide, you flow from one happening to the next, and everything is decided for you….

It is always more beautiful here, wherever I am, than any story of a future or a past. The here and now is where I can make a difference. It’s what I live out of. Nothing more is required.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

 

Much love, Grace

P.S. See all the new classes and events right below here, in bright colors? You can find them on my website, and by clicking the event you’ll be taken to the right page for more information. I’d love to have you. Write if you have questions or need more information.

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What If Your Nightmare Isn’t Absolutely True?

Several dear people I know recently have reported they’re scared because some massive upheaval has occurred in their lives.

The death of a parent, a cancer diagnosis, a house burning to the ground with all possessions lost, the discovery of betrayal.

These shocking pieces of news or experiences don’t exactly feel easy to go through.

Sometimes when something like this happens, you still think about it years later and remember it as that terrible hard time.

When your life the way you know it was forever changed.

I notice the longer I live, the more of these encounters happen. They aren’t frequent, maybe even quite rare, but wow….

….they sure make a big impression. To say the least.

However, I know it’s very true, through inquiring and investigating over and over again, that pain may happen, but you don’t have to suffer. 

You don’t have to generate the same feelings of loss, guilt, anger, rage, fear or resentment repeatedly….

….if you question your beliefs.

Who would you be without the belief that you are especially in danger, that something has gone terribly wrong, that something isn’t fair, that it shouldn’t be going the way it’s going?

Without that belief?

Wow, when you first try to answer that question, you might hardly be able to imagine who you’d be without that thought.

Without the belief that something has gone wrong…it almost seems like I’d be crazy. I’d be delusional.

Of course something’s gone wrong!!!

And yet, you may notice that you forget about it sometimes. Maybe only for a moment, but maybe for a few hours. You sleep at night and you aren’t thinking about it. You watch a movie and you forget about it.

Without the belief you’re doomed, this is a disaster, you can’t recover from this….who would you be?

What would you be?

I notice without doomsday thoughts, I look around right in this moment.

I see the room, I hear humming silence, I hear the sound of the kettle boiling, I smell the trees or rain, I touch the desk, the car steering wheel, my friend’s shoulder.

Without the thoughts of how terrible, how terrible, I’m just….here.

Now.

“Nothing terrible has ever happened except in our thinking. Reality is always good, even in situations that seem like nightmares. The story we tell is the only nightmare that we have lived. When I say that the worst that can happen is a belief, I am being literal. The worst that can happen to you is your uninvestigated belief system.” ~ Byron Katie

Holy smokes, that is stunning.

Check it out for yourself, though. Try it on. See who you’d be, even though the difficult thing happened (or is happening)–who you would BE without the belief that it’s a nightmare?

You’d be mystery, life force, human, beyond human, movement, change, wild love in action.

Much love, Grace

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Self-Inquiry Is Only For YOUR Inner Revolution

The other day I got a wonderful letter, full of a really interesting core question, from an inquirer.

She said she felt more confused right now after doing The Work.

More lost, stuck and unable to move.

I had to find out more….and this news wasn’t that surprising.

About two years into my own process of doing The Work something happened inside me around this very idea of feeling trapped and passive when I turned my thoughts around into opposites.

One day, after doing The Work on a really, really, really difficult relationship I was in, I recognized a place inside me that was frightened and doing The Work with a motive.

What I mean by “motive” here is that I had an agenda, a plan for the outcome. I had thought I would do The Work, un-do my stress, and skip down the road happily with never a care in the world.

That person would no longer bother me, or frighten me, or hurt me.

But ah ha.

I have no idea why it happened, but I very suddenly “got” that I was acting like the battered women I used to puzzle over.

Why did they return, time and again, to the man who beat them up or almost killed them?

I went to a lecture once on domestic violence, and as the very wise and experienced psychotherapist spoke it occurred to me that the people who were battered and abused repeatedly were living in “hope” reality mixed with a cup or two of “I-must-be-positive-and-forgiving” inner dictatorship.

It wasn’t conscious, but it was deep.

It was believed so deeply because, without the belief that someone might change, without “hope”, the believer could be devastated, lost, crushed with the weight of the depressing truth.

I will smile and spread sunshine and lollipops and rainbows instead. And my boyfriend will get better and change.

Byron Katie herself helped me immensely on this. I told her I was doing The Work over and over again on the same very difficult, mad person.

She said….”How do you know you’re supposed to be angry?! YOU ARE!”

Oh.

Jeez.

I am ANGRY. I am STUCK. I am FRUSTRATED.

Duh!

Who would I be without the secret inner belief that I should be different, have different happy, detached feelings, and keep trying to “fix” myself or my environment or others when doing The Work?

I could have quit doing The Work right then. I could have given up and thought that questioning my mind was a waste of time, and didn’t lead me to the place I really wanted to be.

But instead it dawned on me that I could keep asking myself what was real, what was true (in fact I couldn’t have given up, I couldn’t have stopped asking).

I could find out what beliefs kept me feeling trapped, what prevented me from acting (if I was drawn to take action) or what prevented me from dropping the need to spend time with an addict boyfriend?

Why not break up and drop those conversations?

Why not find a new career and start earning money?

Why not get married?

Why not raise your hand and share in front of an entire audience?

Why not start your own business?

Why not start a free-form crazy dance-however-you-want event in Seattle and keep holding it even if at the beginning, only a few people show up?

Why not quit the daily rigid meditation routine (it served for a very, very long time) if there is no right or wrong, and I’m free?

Why not say NO?

What is freedom?

I started to refine, without trying so hard to do it, the thoughts I was questioning….to find out what was actually true for me.

That is, in the end, what doing The Work is for.

You.

If there are turnarounds that don’t feel right, if there are turnarounds that create depression, unhappiness, more confusion…then find out what’s right for you.

No need to dump everything you’ve ever done so far, unless you do.

“What is this inner revolution? To begin with, revolution is not static; it is alive, ongoing, and continuous. It cannot be grasped or made to fit into any conceptual model. Nor is there any path to this inner revolution, for it is neither predictable nor controllable and has a life all its own. This revolution is a breaking away from the old, repetitive, dead structures of thought and perception that humanity finds itself trapped in…Such a revolution requires an ongoing emptying out of the old structures of consciousness and the birth of a living and fluid intelligence. This intelligence restructures your entire being-body, mind, and perception. This intelligence cuts the mind free of its old structures that are rooted within the totality of human consciousness. If one cannot become free of the old conditioned structures of human consciousness, then one is still in a prison.” ~ Adyashanti

 

This is an ongoing process.

What I notice is I return to The Work continuously. I love the question “is it true?” and I love trying on turnarounds.

I love realizing I am the only one who can answer these questions, even if I love hearing from others what they get, what they have found, what they notice.

There is no ultimate guru….except you.

Much love, Grace

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Feeling Bad And Don’t Know Why? Here’s What To Do

Fairly regularly, people come to me to do The Work and say “I feel awful, I can’t sleep, I want to eat all the time, I want to drink beer, but I don’t know WHAT I’m really upset about!?!”

This is soooooo common.

You aren’t weird if you’ve noticed this in your life.

Some of the other things people will say are “I am depressed” or “I am anxious all the time” or the most fabulous give-up smack to the world….”what’s the use?”

How do I do The Work on this feeling? I can’t find a concept! Write something down?

There’s nothing to write down….or too much to write down!

Maybe you are considering humanity….and the suffering, the wars, the hunger, destruction, global warning, relationships gone astray, the hurt, the grief.

It’s so big. So hard. So terrible. Blech. I’ll just go to bed.

When it comes to doing The Work, one of the first places to begin when you just feel bad is to locate a specific objection you have about life, and oddly enough, narrow it down in a strangely specific way.

I always have people start there, just like Byron Katie herself recommends.

“But I don’t have a specific situation….I have a whole bunch of uncomfortable or horrible situations….life is just one big fat disappointment, I’m a mess, being here is no good!”

OK, no problemo.

Here’s the good news. Pick ONE.

That’s all that is necessary.

Because narrowing it down to one situation at a time is the BEST THING I EVER DID in my inquiry.

Seriously.

And I was someone who had what I thought were HUNDREDS of objectionable situations.

I used to make very global statements about the difficulties of life. I used to be sarcastic and rather dark…my humor still leans in that direction, but now it’s actually FUNNY.

“Life sucks and then you die”.

I notice…I really don’t say those kinds of things hardly ever anymore. Or, I don’t believe it when I do.

Wow.

Have no fear. If you say big generalized statements about the world, life, you, humans….and it’s dark and bitter….all you have to do is begin with one situation you ACTUALLY went through.

One really lazer, painful, ouchy incident where you got hurt.

That’s the moment.

You put it on “pause” and hold that vision in your mind of that specific situation.

Ow, ow, ow.

Even if you don’t want to remember it, or deal with it, or you feel there’s absolutely nothing you could ever do about it, ever, ever, ever.

Inquiry is investigation into reality, into the truth.

And the assumption below it all is that experiencing pain and suffering in this moment now, through remembering the past or dreading the future, means you don’t have all the lights on. You’re missing something, you’ve thought something to be true that’s probably not really true for you.

But you have to look and see for yourself.

Today….if you have a big black cloud come over you, if you experience deep despair, irritation, depression, rage, frustration, terror, fear or anxiety….

….first simply stop.

Now consider the moment where you got triggered. Maybe an image sped through your mind and it reminded you of something else. Maybe three different people had funny faces, and all added up together you were disturbed because your mind took off on a tangent of despair.

Go backwards in time to the first moment you got triggered.

The scene of the crime.

The day you lost your innocence. The moment you failed, the day you found out that news, the conversation in which it became clear you were betrayed, criticized, unloved, wrong, destroyed.

Don’t worry if you don’t have the “best” worst situation.

The one that comes to mind, is the one ready for inquiry.

Every time I thought I just “felt bad” and didn’t have a thought to question…within five minutes of writing I had a specific situation, a difficult painful relationship to investigate.

“It is only by beginning to examine and realize the falseness within our minds that we begin to awaken an intelligence that originates from beyond the realm of thinking.” ~ Adyashanti

“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

I love knowing all that is necessary is to question.

The suffering I am experiencing is happening through not asking questions, through making statements like “LIFE SUCKS!”

Like I know, right?

Let yourself see the thing that’s bothering you, in that moment of angst, urgency, fear, sleeplessness.

Don’t start wondering if you have the right situation, or the best situation….just begin. Write that Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

You can do it!

Much love, Grace

P.S. For lots of wonderful information about doing The Work and to see Byron Katie teach you about filling out a JYN, visit www.thework.com.

 

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Who Are You Without That Trash?

Quite a few years ago, I spent a weekend with a man called Dr. Hew Len.

He was a gruff no-nonsense teacher of peace. No fakey fake. No nicey nice.

I happened to get to sit down next to him at the same restaurant during the lunch break on the first day.

I told him I felt awful about my rage, especially with my teenage daughter.

He said “clean.”

That was his primary teaching, his offering of what one could practice to feel free. That’s what we were learning about in his weekend workshop.

Clean your mind, stop reacting, say “I love you”, take 100% responsibility for what’s happening around you.

No questions, no stories, no explanations.

He was awesome, I loved him. And he said that if you wanted to talk and talk, even talk a little bit, you were full of BS.

This weekend I’m in another personal development retreat (I know, I know, I seem to be in a lot of these lately…we’ll talk about that LATER)!

I was reminded of Dr. Len when the workshop leader said all your stories, talking, yapping, suffering….

….all just data, just machinery, projection, comparing to the past, worrying about the future, limited.

Not the real YOU.

I thought about what question four in The Work of Byron Katie always points to: who or what would you be without your story? 

Without believing your thoughts, your feelings, your judgments of other people? Without grabbing what you see, hear, touch, smell and THINK and instantly being so sure it’s all absolute reality?

Who would you be without being so sure there’s something to be worried about, or terrified of, or even happy about?

I know it’s kinda crazy.

Instead of looking at what is and believing in it, this is imagining who you would be without those thoughts…

Just get quiet and see, today.

You might think you can’t, you might think “I don’t know how to be without my thoughts!”

You don’t have to be without your thoughts altogether…that appears to be impossible.

You just have to click into the sense of not being a believer of them. See what else is here, besides thinking and stressing and reacting.

Hold still a minute. Don’t talk.

Dr. Len gives it to us without any sugar on top:

“You have given up yourself, your pureness of heart, for trash. Can you imagine giving up a pure soul for trash? This is what we do moment to moment….But if you’re at zero, everyone else will be at zero. And you really are at zero. That’s who you really are.” ~ Dr. Hew Len 

You are so big, so amazingly powerful, beyond all your thinking and fears and judgments. You have done nothing wrong to have them, so don’t go getting mad at yourself.

Just be and imagine.

Dr. Len calls it zero. A big fat zero. Nothingness. Flat line. Space. Resting. Silence. Emptiness.

Don’t be scared of what it’s called.

You are not defined as your body, you are not your environment, you are not your relationships, you are not your mind, you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions.

All these parts honorable and fascinating, nothing wrong with them.

But wow, you are all this and much more.

I LOVE YOU!

Isn’t it fun?

“Without a story of being limited, you’re infinite. There’s nothing more joyous than that–to know that you’re all things and new each moment, and that all of it is projected. People think that limitlessness is terrifying, because they don’t have inquiry. But it’s no more terrifying than sitting in your living room.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace