Tag: the work of Byron Katie

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May Money Sunday TeleSessions for Freedom

Cherry flowers and dollar
Do you see money as beautiful as the flowers, no matter how big or how little?

Have you been worried about money….again?

Well, I know I have.

I’ve heard from many others who appear to be plagued by money woes as well.

Not enough, I never make my OWN money, too many taxes, that client didn’t pay, that program costs too much, I should have gotten a better raise, must tighten the belt, where will it come from tomorrow, can’t EVER get enough, that was a disappointing business deal, my house sold for less than I thought, my art doesn’t sell well enough, I need more for retirement…..

…..on and on go the money thoughts.

Since I noticed my own money thoughts (very pissy about things costing too much, like my health insurance, getting the wall fixed, travel)….

….I knew it was time to offer something different.

Sliding scale.

And if you’ve got nothing, then heck….pay only $5 to cover the paypal service fee….and you’re in.

Yes, really.

People who want to do The Work on Money don’t always have a lot of money, or they THINK they don’t have a lot of money, or they’re crazy worried about money and want to keep it very close.

I know the feeling.

So let’s do The Work.

May Money Sunday Soul Sessions.

May 10, 17 and 24 from 9 am – 11 am Pacific Time.

It might seem funny to say “money” and “soul” in the same sentence, but I find my thoughts about money have been my thoughts about life, the universe and reality.

There won’t be enough. I’m not cared for or supported. I have to do this all by myself.

Let’s turn it around and do it together, instead.

Click here to sign up. You can join via the web or telephone/skype.

Even if you don’t get the chance to be the one in the hot seat, bringing a thought to inquiry, you’ll get to follow along, do your work, give yourself this most powerful investigation, for your own sake and for everyone else’s too.

Let’s be part of the Peace Movement, even with money.

Question your thinking, change your world.

Join me by clicking to my website here, and clicking the Buy button.

“Who would you be without the thought ‘I need more money to be safe?’ You might be a lot easier to be with. You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have.” ~ Byron Katie 

“Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Much love,
Grace
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Is Compassion Possible In This Rotten Situation?

compassionIn our Year of Inquiry tele session group yesterday morning, we entered a really powerful situation for The Work.

The kind where you got pretty scared….or hurt….and you might even see this as a problem in society or the world.

Violence.

In this case, the inquirer was doing The Work on hearing about a man she knew personally beating his partner, something we call “domestic violence”.

The interesting thing about this inquirer’s situation and thoughts were how well everyone could relate to hearing something like that, experiencing something like that, or feeling the same feelings.

Disgust, irritation, fear, rage, separation.

You may find these kinds of feelings in your own past, in some incident you went through yourself.

The first thing to do is to identify the specific moment you felt your fear or terror.

Yes, it’s going into the fire in a big way….except you are here now, in this safe, quiet moment.

You’ll be OK.

(I began to notice when doing The Work on disturbing experiences that memories are floating through, and they are pictures only, and feelings are just energy moving through the body–nothing terrible is actually happening when you recall something, you know?)

So pause the movie in your head, the one with the bad difficult memory, and answer the question:

Why is this upsetting?

I’m terrified because he called me names, said I was stupid and ugly, and kept asking me to do things I didn’t want to do.

Now break it down into just one simple concept, to walk through inquiry with.

You don’t have to inquire into everything at once–in fact, this can dilute and confuse you and not really provide enormous insight when you have a particularly troubling situation to investigate.

Just start with the very first concept: he called me names.

Is it true?

Yup, sure is. Absolutely? Yes.

See how you feel, though. Are you angry?

You’re looking at something that happened, and you are already deciding it was horrifying, wrong, bad, impossible to get over.

And this is years and years later maybe. Or even last week.

It’s over.

This is important to notice.

Can you find the crack between something being true, and the second you decide you’re against it?

Because when you are against it……you are naturally thinking it should not have happened, or it is unforgivable, or you are frightened of it happening again, or you feel lost about it, unresolved, sad, hurt.

Are you sure you’re hurt?

I’m not asking because this is an exercise in denial, or criticism of anyone who thinks back on a troubling situation with fear.

Right now, I can think of someone from many, many years ago and remember the scene still. Words were coming from him towards me. Really nasty, bitter words. Cutting, mean.

I remember at the time how I felt like I was punched in the gut. I was trying to control my tears and failed. My heart was racing and my face got red and hot.

Who would I be without the belief I was damaged, in that situation?

Who would I be without the belief I was unable to recover, lost, hurt, or that my life was altered in a bad way?

This is really hard sometimes to imagine, but you can.

For me….I noticed without the belief how well I handled that emotionally violent situation.

I noticed how full of suffering this person was who was saying such things.

How nutty humanity is that we believe our thoughts and lash out, not knowing any better–but this seems to be the way of it, so it’s not wrong, and we discover there are much better more loving ways.

Without my beliefs, I feel great compassion for that man, and any men who become violent.

Without my beliefs, I notice how healed I have become, how my life never seems to have any really big violence in it (and it could tomorrow, who knows).

I notice when I turn the thoughts around that someone shouldn’t be violent with words or deeds, that my own mind has been just as mean and attacking as that person was!

To others, to him, and to myself!

I was not hurt. I was healed. 

He was hurt.

These beliefs are just as true.

Imagine that.

“Through observing the illusory nature of thought without resisting it, we can begin to question and inquire into the underlying belief structures that support it. These belief structures are what form our emotional attachments to the false self and the world our minds create…..Reality is not something that you integrate into your personal view of things. Reality is life without your distorting stories, ideas, and beliefs. It is perfect unity free of all reference points, with nowhere to stand and nothing to grab hold of…..Cease to cherish opinions and it stands before your very eyes.” ~ Adyashanti  

The truth is that troubling situation happened in another time and place, when I believed very strongly that there were many things to fear.

It became proof of scary things and mean people.

But then later on, remembering, doing The Work, that very same situation became proof of survival, peace beyond belief, the end of war, compassion, silence and love.

Much love, Grace

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Each Step Along The Way, A Clearer Sense of Normal

herenownomatterwhat
each step along the way of inquiry, a clearer glimpse of the divine, a clearer sense of “normal”

I feel much better today, almost back to “normal” physically.

Isn’t that funny whatever “normal” is?

I was listening yesterday during my quieter time, recovering from a short bug, to an interview of me talking with my friend Roberta. (You can access the whole teleconference I was a part of right here for free for a few more hours–lots of powerful information about mind- body health).

I heard myself telling my story.

It’s funny to look back and see one’s own story, played out over time, and watch what the mind does.

While listening, I started remembering how unhappy I was when I was 19 years old, leaving for college.

So anxious, I ate and ate and stuffed myself full the night my family had a goodbye dinner to celebrate my graduation from high school and my adventures off to college.

Remembering that time, I still had the thought float through me yesterday “I should have done it differently”.

If only…..

Then it would be better…..

There’s a similar feeling when you don’t have what you want. (I’ve been talking a lot about desire lately since I started the Desire Class yesterday morning).

Uncomfortable, disappointed, uncertain, sorry.

It’s not like a big traumatic discomfort, just a melancholy breeze blowing by saying “that could have been better, you know.”

Sigh.

But The Work can be brought even to a long-distant memory so far away in the past.

Is it true that could have gone differently, better, another way? Are you sure it might have been altered if only…..?

No.

How do you react when you believe it could be improved, you don’t like the way it turned out, if only….?

I notice I feel internally dramatic. Like someone with the back of their hand on their forehead.

Sad, missing something, bereft.

So who would you be without that belief that it’d be better if it went another way?

Ha ha. Really?

Kind of hilarious, in this moment. Because how could it have possibly gone differently than it did?

I notice I have no idea how making it different would look, and if that really would alter the outcome.

I remember the amazing idea offered by Byron Katie that reality is kind.

Reality….this life….is loving. 

And it’s the truth. The real actual truth. Not my opinionated version of the truth of what happened.

Turning the thoughts around: I shouldn’t have done it differently, it went the way it went and that was very good, the whole situation could NOT be improved. 

There is no “if only…” except in imagination.

Wow.

I simply look at the memory, it floats through, it doesn’t stick inside, it’s just a picture, a sensation, an idea bouncing along, nothing personal.

Who would you be without the belief that something went wrong, and if only….?

“As you drift into spirit, these transformations take place within you. All you have to do is notice them, and you will start to notice the tendency toward the qualities of the Divine. The further back you go, the more you will see these natural qualities unfolding inside of you. Each step along the way, you get a clearer glimpse of what it must be like to sit in that Divine State.” ~ Michael Singer

I love that without these stressful thoughts, there is a natural quality unfolding.
A place that doesn’t regret, or feel like a mistake was made, nothing imagining with pain “if only….”
Right Here.
All you did was notice. Nothing else required.

Love, Grace

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Welcoming Thoughts About Sickness

stressYesterday I felt my glands in my throat aching. I felt a sort of weird weakness in my arms and legs when I moved about, and a deep ache in the back of my head.

The mind kicks in trying to figure out what’s going on.

Did you eat something bad? Are you getting sick? Is it hormones from menopause? Or wow, what if its cancer or something serious?Didn’t I just hear about a friend’s kid with meningitis?

I wonder if….

I hear the mind comment, but don’t really believe any of it or act like any of it is true, I notice. I follow my usual schedule, quietly in my home most of the day.

Clients coming and going, online classes underway. Go out to stand in line at the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles in the US). Actually still go to the gym for light bike ride. Pausing and feeling the sensations again of ache, heat, weak.

Who would I be without the belief any of this is terrible?

This is a wonderful question!

Because when I have the idea or belief that being sick or having symptoms like mine is a bad thing….

….pretty soon I’m also thinking thoughts like “not only does my neck and head ache, but I’m in the wrong business (no vacation days) and I have tons of work to do and the house needs cleaning and repairs and I have to go get my car emissions tabs and, and, and….

….life is sooooooo hard.

It’s like the energy of “sick” gives birth to more of itself. Sick, bad, weak, wrong, terrible, dangerous.

But pausing and asking “who would you be without these thoughts?”

Funny.

I would be doing the exact same things, but relaxing through them all. Noticing there’s only one thing to do next, then another thing, not all at once, only doing what is possible right now, then now.

And if taking a motrin and lying down becomes what happens next, then that’s OK too.

It’s the way of it.

What is required, happens. Nothing more, nothing less.

Turning the thought around: these physical sensations are not terrible. My thoughts are terrible about these sensations.

So true! I’m moving, although slower, I’m conscious, and I can see the room, hear the sounds of cars outside, breath deeply, reply to emails, and feel something very still right here.

My thoughts are over-excited and dramatic. They are terrible, especially when they think the worse case scenario, and I buy it.

It’s kinda funny when the “worse” that can happen is a thought.

Who am I really, with physical so-called ailments, without believing my stressful thought?

Still fascinated and loving this world, taking it all in, noticing the abundance everywhere.

And I call the doctor if it becomes clear this is the next necessary step.

“When you have some understanding of your thoughts through inquiry, then you can call 911 consciously, without fear or panic. You’re more able to describe your situation and answer questions clearly. You’ve always known what to do; that doesn’t change.
 
A lover of what is looks forward to everything: life, death, disease, loss, earthquakes, bombs, anything the mind might be tempted to call “bad.” Life will bring us everything we need, to show us what we haven’t undone yet. Nothing outside ourselves can make us suffer.Except for our unquestioned thoughts, every place is paradise.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Remarkable to feel what I’d call sensations of sickness, or pain, or weakness….and not think of it as bad.

Ahhhhhh. Freedom right in the middle of odd sensations.

Love, Grace

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You Grow Older, You Don’t Know Why

I was interviewed recently on how the work is helpful for women over forty by my friend and fellow-inquirer Roberta Mittman.

It was sweet!

And wow….women over forty as a topic….phew!

I have found The Work so powerful for thoughts and beliefs that have to do with being over a certain age, changes in the life trajectory, relationship challenges, health adjustments, loss, awareness.

Sometimes the beliefs that seem to match a certain age, and beyond, are strangely uncomfortable.

You might know they are superficial, or not as important as other thoughts (that’s where my mind would always go) yet they are present.

These wrinkles are ugly, I need to look young, I want to feel more energy, these hot flashes are irritating, my life is over.

There are also other thoughts many women have who enter the middle time of their lives about career, lack of success, needing a mate by now or wanting to leave the one they have.

It’s powerful to see what we’re telling ourselves is true.

And to ask…..are you sure?

Or to see if something IS indeed true for you (as in aging) why is that a bad thing? Are you sure it’s hard, or difficult, or frightening?

If you’d like to opt-in to get the links to the interviews, a collection of interesting topics for women over forty (including mine) then do it right here:  Click Here to Join Love Your Mind, Love Your Body.

Who would you be without the belief that being “Over Forty” is troubling, for whatever reason?

It leads to the great question, I find, that death is coming.

I know that sounds weird. Maybe extreme.

But when I really look deeply at being past the middle of a normal timeline of human life…..I’m on my way closer to the end than I used to be. No longer at the beginning.

Who would I be without the belief death is difficult, or troubling, or hard, or a disappointment?

Woah, really?

I find it exciting just to imagine being without these thoughts about death.

Like I can’t wait to see what happens when death comes, and I’ll be ready.

“The breeze blows that way, and that’s the way you go. You don’t ask questions anymore. You don’t evaluate why the breeze is blowing that way because you know that you don’t know why. And you know you can’t know why. There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment. That breeze changes the orientation of your life, moment to moment to moment, simply because that’s the way life’s moving. And when you’re living in your awakened self you have no argument with the way it’s moving because it is the same as you are.” ~ Adyashanti

Love, Grace

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Question Your Thoughts About Relationships, Have A Real Vacation

My colleague Ralf Giesen, also a Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie, was powerfully moved by The Work in 2003.

A friend facilitated him on the beach during a vacation when he was filled with agonizing, repetitive thoughts about a relationship. For his 14 day vacation, the first ten days were full of stressful thoughts, but after the work….

….he got a real 4 day vacation for the remainder of his time at the beach.

I so appreciate Ralf sharing some of his journey in The Work with us.

Click here to watch our conversation.

Does his dilemma sound familiar–having repetitive thoughts about a relationship?

I myself have had overwhelming thoughts about key relationships in my life.

Not just romantic encounters or people I’ve been attracted to. But friends who have done things I’ve found shocking, or very painful, and work mates and colleagues who have said frightening things.

These are the moments for The Work.

This is where you get to deeply face yourself and your own thinking, and find out what you DO have control over….

….not other people, not what happens “to” you….

….but your reaction, your own experience.

What would take you away from feeling unconditional love, joy and acceptance, right here, right now?

Is it true?

If you want to spend more time investigating your thoughts about love, relationships, and the turmoil you’ve believed about them, come join Relationship Hell to Heaven TeleCourse starting next week and Bring It!

Love, Grace

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Your Heart’s Desire

myheartsdesireDesire and The Work of Byron Katie Webinar for everyone 10-11:30 am Thursday March 26, 2015.

We will begin a journey into what Desire is, and can be for us when its joyful, clear, and thrilling. Anyone is welcome to join for no charge.

DESIRE! Hooray!!

Put this information in your calendar if you’d like to attend. It WILL be recorded, so if you can’t make it, don’t worry–you’ll be able to listen in later and I’ll leave the recording up for several days.

To attend by phone (limited to 25) please dial 425-440-5100 and enter pin code 305799#.

To join via skype call “join.conference” from your keypad then open the keypad again and enter the guest pin code 305799#.

To listen in and send your responses or question via the web, click on the link below for the Event Page. You can do this if the phone line is full!

Click HERE to connect via the web on 3/26:  Join The Desire & The Work of Byron Katie Presentation

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The really interesting thing about desire is all the ways it gets twisted up in our hearts and minds with fear, panic, loss and emptiness.

I’ll explain.

So if I’m sitting on my couch and have a desire to make good money doing what I love in the world….

….but a split second later I think about my low bank account, and how my car is damaged and needs repair, and how the house I live in has a broken refrigerator….

….my mind is running fast and bouncing around like a ping-pong ball from desiring money to considering what I need the money for (desperately).

I hardly let myself have a moment of peaceful enjoyment, the imagined joy of what could be possible, before I kicked myself in the shin with what a failure and how overwhelming this is.

Sad, disappointed.

The thoughts are stressful: you’re a loser, you don’t know how, you should have gotten a better education, you should have made different choices, you need more energy anyway, it’s almost too late.

Boy howdy!

How do you react when you believe these kinds of thoughts?

I want to go to bed, drink alcohol, watch TV, escape, sigh, surf the net. I might snap at the people around me. I stay home. I don’t try anything new.

Who would you be if you slowed way, way down and imagined yourself without the beliefs the you’re a loser, you’ve failed, you should have done it differently?

Without the belief that you know what’s better, that you know what’s right?

Without the belief that your dream or desire for more is wrong, or wasted, or bad?

This is a hard thing to imagine sometimes, but try.

Who would you BE in this moment without the belief that there’s no use, you’re a failure, and your dreams are too big?

Hmmm.

None of those thoughts?

Woah.

Something in me would stir.

I might even get excited, and have a spark of energy. I’d feel more trusting, I’d relax even while I’m picturing a future vision.

If you turn around the idea that Desire is dangerous, impossible, not for you, or disappointing….

….what do you notice you desire?

Fortune, influence, romance, love, connection, security, enlightenment?

How could your desire be present right now?

If you lived this, and followed the breadcrumbs of your desire through the woods….

….how would you behave? What would you say? What would you do?

What if there was no need to grab? What if you celebrated your desire, sincerely, and shared it with everyone?

“Your aims are small and low. They do not call for more. Only God’s energy is infinite–because He wants nothing for Himself. Be like Him and all your desires will be fulfilled. The higher your aims and vaster your desires, the more energy you will have for their fulfillment. Desire the good of all and the universe will work with you.” ~ Nisargadatta 

You are part of this wonderful universe, so don’t eliminate yourself, but let yourself be cared for and nurtured and loved. Reach out.

Question your stressful thoughts about why you can’t get what you want, or your confusion about your worth.

What disturbs you about your desires? What do you long for?

Write me back by hitting reply to this email and let me know–I may cover it in next week’s webinar on Desire.

“Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.” ~ Rumi

Love, Grace

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Ten Ways To Fail Miserably Doing The Work of Byron Katie

The Work of Byron Katie is a way to question what hurts in your life, and relax.

It may not end difficult events and experiences….

….but it will end your suffering and misery….

….if you do it.

When I first encountered The Work, I made darn sure I failed miserably by NOT really doing it.

You can make sure it does nothing for you, either, and give up in disgust or despair.

Here’s how:

1) Never write anything down. Ever. Just do The Work in your head on the fly by asking yourself the questions, if you can remember them.

2) When someone irritates you, feel the rage or angst, or fear and then immediately start berating yourself for being such a dumb ass to get so upset and uptight about them. Do The Work to fix yourself, ASAP, from being the type of person who gets upset.

3) Do The Work on yourself only. Notice that you have zero judgments of anyone in your life, ever. You’re over that. Keep saying “but it’s all about me and how wrong, unworthy, insufficient or stupid I am!”

4) Think of one-liners only….don’t write out a whole worksheet. One-liners are simple beliefs that seem to cause conflict or pain, like “he’s being a jerk!” These just pop in your head in the heat of the moment. Then see #1 above.

5) Only ask the first question when doing The Work….Is it true? Flippantly say “no, nothing is ever true” and move on without spending more time exploring the question.

6) When you answer the second question in The Work: is it ABSOLUTELY true? Start explaining why it is or is not true, in your professional opinion. Say things like “well, it’s true because….” and tell a big long story with lots of footnotes.

7) When you get to the third question in The Work (which is “how do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?”) launch into a novel about how that person did you wrong not only in this recent upsetting situation, but also last year, the year before that, and basically the whole time you’ve known them. Give lots of examples of that person being a total freak or an asshole. Make sure you tell about how you’re the victim here.

8) If you get to question four doing The Work (wow, you made it this far?) then get super puzzled. Who would you be without that belief? Throw your hands in the air and say “I have no f*&$ing idea!” Say you have a terrible imagination and you really can’t think of what it would be like. Or better yet, say it would be dangerous not to have that thought.

9) When you think of a stressful belief, just go straight to the turnarounds. So if you think the thought “I’m afraid of my boss” just flip it right away and say “I’m NOT afraid of my boss” and then fist pump the sky. Yeah! That’s right!

10) Anything you ever think that’s mean or sad about someone, turn it around to yourself and use this as an excuse not to ever talk with that person, tell the truth, connect, or actually change anything. “He abandoned me” flip to “I abandoned myself”. Feel worse about yourself than ever, you judgmental loser.

OK….I hope you’re laughing now.

Really, The Work is not easy.

Simple perhaps, but NOT easy.

If you need help along the way….take a class, call the Help Line, come to a retreat, come to Breitenbush in late June, sign up for Summer Camp For The Mind for short bursts of practice next July, or if you really want to go for it, join Year of Inquiry the next time I open registration.

There are lots of ways to sink into The Work.

Once you get a true taste of how amazing it is to question the stressful mind, you won’t ever stop.

You’ll start to wake up.

What could be better than that?

Love, Grace

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I Didn’t Say No And It Got Me A No

Can you say no when you mean no? If you don't you might feel worse later.
Can you say no when you mean no? If you don’t you might feel worse later.

Last week I had a one-time consultation call with a company to talk about a website upgrade.

I had taken a little free course the company offered to review some tweaks I was interested in adding to my own website.

The consult call was scheduled for one hour, and I knew it was basically a meeting to see if their service was right for me, and could potentially involve…..

…..sales! 

As in, someone pitching me their thing.

Maybe this service would help save me a bunch of time making all the changes myself.

I had many technical questions.

But we had to wait to get to those because when the person called at the appointed hour, he asked me questions like “how would it feel if you had your website totally upgraded and handled?” and “if you could wave a magic wand, what would you want your website to do?”

Well, I already know I’ll feel satisfied and pleased when these changes are made.

DUH.

I wasn’t in a position of needing to be convinced about fixing my website. I love beautiful websites, I enjoy being creative with technology, I like all the new stuff being invented constantly.

I know people get confused about where to find stuff on mine.

We hung up, not complete yet with the conversation because I had a few more questions. We made an appointment to continue the following day.

Which is when a moment arrived.

Yes. A situation.

After getting a lot of my questions answered….I realized his service wasn’t a good deal for me.

I said “thank you for all your information, and I’m not going to sign up with you right now.”

He said “WHAT? I’m really concerned! You mean you’re going to keep sitting there without making any progress on your website, or your business?”

Wait. Was he insulting me?

Fume.

He’s concerned?

I suddenly felt like I was running off the car dealership lot with the car salesman saying “I’m concerned, I’m really concerned!” as I DON’T buy a car.

What a faker!

Sigh. I had my concept for inquiry.

“He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Is that true?

Well, no. He backed off, he wasn’t happy, he applied all the pressure he could, he repeated how terrible this would be if I said no….

….but then he said I could call him again any time if I changed my mind.

How did I react when I began to believe he wouldn’t take no for an answer?

Angry. I could feel the heat rise from inside my gut, up my throat, into my face. I looked at my watch, I wanted to hang up. I felt like I was talking to an enemy on the phone.

Bummer.

I imagined writing him an email pointing out what a jerk he was and how he came across all sweet and supportive at the beginning but that was fake.

Who would I be without the belief that he wouldn’t take no for an answer?

Deep breath. I’d relax. I’d notice how there are no emergencies. I’m safe in this moment, all is well.

I would tell him there are several things that don’t serve my needs about their services.

I’d hang up if I needed to. I don’t have to stay in the conversation.

I turned the thought around: he would take no for an answer.

Well, first of all, he’s just a man on the phone in another time zone. How could he possibly NOT take no for an answer?

What am I even talking about?

Must I demand that everyone be “nice” and easy-going, cordial, detached and never pressuring me?

How about another turnaround: I wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I didn’t stop him 5 minutes into the original conversation and say “I don’t really want to have a coaching/sales conversation, I basically have a few technical questions to run by you, then I can decide yes/no for this website service thing, ok?”

I didn’t interrupt him when I thought the initial conversation was winding and dragging in other directions.

Who wasted everyone’s time?

Me.

He was doing his job. He probably had a script, and was following what he knew to do.

I was the one who didn’t say no the minute I felt a “no”.

This is not a new experience. I’ve done this before, hoping that if I say “yes” it will be easy, smooth, non-confrontive, and I’ll avoid someone being disappointed or wanting to pressure me further.

I wouldn’t take no for an answer, from myself, or from him.

Yikes, so true.

I wind up often thinking “yes” is better than “no”. I want to dream of yes, not no. I like the idea of yes, yes, yes. It sounds fun, thrilling, like flying, or hang-it-all-do-whatever-you-want!

YES! YES!

But, wait. No is good, too, on planet earth, you say?

Wow.

What if I celebrated NO just as much as YES and welcomed the deep, powerful, empty, unknown consequences of NO.

“There was an exhausted woodcutter who kept wasting time and energy chopping wood with a blunt ax because he did not have the time, he said, to stop and sharpen the blade.” ~ Anthony DeMello

In those recent exchanges, where I judged Mr. Website Coach Salesman as salesy and pressuring me and insulting me….

….and all those other times I have overlooked saying “no” and thought of someone as going on and on, or being rude, or being too intense….

….hasn’t that been just like chopping wood with a blunt ax?

Saying no is much more efficient. It only takes one or two strokes, and the tree is down.

Then, you get to move on to the next thing.

Love, Grace

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Stress: A Built-In Friendly Alarm Clock To Awakening

Stress: A built-in friendly alarm clock
Stress: A built-in friendly alarm clock

Have you heard my new little podcast episodes (only 4-6 minutes each) Peace Talk on itunes….this week its on LOVE and when it goes wrong. Subscribe and submit a review!

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Yowser, I am very excited today.

Have you ever been super nervous crazy excited about something about to happen, and you LIKE the thing about to happen, but it’s almost too exciting?

This may sound a little low-key to you (I am the one jumping up and down)….

….but I have a new Eating Peace online class opening up for registration on Saturday morning….

….and the very same day, I’m leaving to go away with my sweetheart for two nights to a surprise destination (husband made the reservations)!

Valentine’s Day!!!

Here’s the funniest thing.

When I was getting married (to current husband–2nd marriage) only 2-1/2 years ago, my skin on my hands started getting flakey in the few weeks before.

Then they started pealing.

Like a strange sort of eczema only on my hands. I kept putting lotion all over them, I made sure not to drink any caffeine or anything dehydrating, and was kinda wondering what was going on.

Summer shedding of skin?

Then my mom caught a glimpse of them and said, “oh, your getting your stress reaction you’ve always gotten since you were young, remember?”

Oh!

Weird. I completely forgot.

THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

How incredibly odd to forget such a thing. The mind is very good at blanking out.

And I’m pretty interested in conscious awareness of myself and all my actions!

This reminded me that energy racing through the body has its own way, and the mind is not always aware (your mind might like to

think it is…..but, not so much).

For me, a very, very introverted person by nature, having all the attention of a wedding was pretty wild. Awesome, but wild.

Same with this coming weekend with a course and a surprise vacation happening.

But as I sit here right now, writing….

….who would I be without the belief that something around the corner, where I’ll have attention directed towards me and I’ll need to respond and stay engaged….is stressful?

Who would I be without the belief that the energy I feel inside is stressy?

What if it was gentle, calm, being connected with others, answering peoples’ questions, responding to emails and registrations, driving off to spend time with my best friend and husband, enjoying close conversation, relaxing and feeling anticipation all at the same time?

Gosh. I don’t know if I can feel truly relaxed in this situation.
But what would it be like without THAT thought?

Ahhhhh.

Suddenly I get it.

I could let my whole body get floppy. My shoulders drop, I stretch my legs out while writing here, with my laptop on my thighs.

I take a very deep, long breath.

Tick, tock, slow, down.

Right now is now. Empty room. Space, quiet.

Even tomorrow, and the next day, when activity is happening and computers, emails, packing, driving, busy-ness are all occurring….

….there is still quiet space.

“That’s the purpose of stress. It’s a friend. It’s an alarm clock, built in to let you know that it’s time to do The Work. You’ve simply lost the awareness that you’re free. So you investigate, and you return to what you are. This is what’s waiting to be recognized, what is always real.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace