Tag: pema chodron

Posted on

Horrible. Wonderful. We really just don’t know. And that’s good news.

This quiet Thanksgiving morning in the US, I’m writing you from Cannon Beach, Oregon where the tide is way out at the moment, and the day is just getting light.
I had a terrible night’s sleep.
I stared out the slightly cracked window blinds for hours seeing the dark inky pitch black color beyond. I checked my phone’s clock at 1:30 am and looked at incoming emails for a moment, then closed my eyes and tried again.
This is so rare for me, so that’s good news (says the mind)….but even one night can be frustrating or somehow sad.
I wanted to have a good, energetic day with my two young adult kids and my husband for the holiday.
Now, that’s not going to happen.
Ah ha.
Did you catch that? I’m anticipating the day already, before it’s even occurred.
In case you find yourself in some mental activity at night when everyone else is sleeping, or awake for no apparent reason….let’s do The Work.
You can do this, actually, on anything you’re labeling as horrible that is happening.
It’s horrible if you don’t sleep.
Is that true?
No.
This is really amazing in itself to find. I don’t feel bad at all right now after sunrise, I’m writing, I’m thinking of going for a nice jog on the beach soon.
It doesn’t really matter in this moment what’s happening this afternoon, later on. If I’m awake staring out the window, I don’t have to label it “horrible”.
What happens when you think lack of sleep (or anything) IS horrible though?
I start analyzing why it’s happening.
Maybe I’m feeling very nostalgic about the death of my children’s father and all the memories here that happened with him in the past (we had our honeymoon here, before the kids existed).
Maybe I’m sad about the brief conflict between son and daughter at the dinner table yesterday–something I don’t see often.
Maybe it’s awareness that I have lots to do, I’ve been traveling a ton, and I’m feeling “behind” on some administrative tasks.
Maybe it was feeling dehydrated physically (I got up and drank two big cups of water during my bout of wide- awakeness in the wee hours).
Or all of the above.
Who knows…..but when I believe being awake is “horrible” or will make things “horrible” later, I’m upset in the very moment in the night.
So who would I be without the belief?
Staring and relaxed, noticing. Fascinated. Noting all these thoughts swirling, and old memories and images that are surprising.
Noticing hopes and expectations for this time away–and dropping them.
Without the thoughts of something being “horrible” I’m aware I’m getting wonderful meditation time. I thought this in the night as I did The Work in my head. I felt the bed, my back against the mattress, the air in the room.
Turning the thought around: My thinking about not sleeping is horrible.
I’m in the future, in an afternoon that doesn’t yet exist. I’m out of the quiet, middle-of-the-night wonder of meditation. I’m not trusting what is at all. I’m making it dramatically “horrible” like it’s a big tragedy, and something’s wrong.
Turning it around again: It’s wonderful if you don’t sleep. 
Can I find anything interesting about not sleeping, even if you can’t exactly find it’s wonderful (yet)?
Yes, I explored feelings in energy and the body. I massaged my forearms. I listened to some of the voices I was hearing in my mind, and reviewed memories quietly, peacefully.
Naps are a thing. I can always do this later if it appears as a sweet option.
I’m good at speaking about my feelings, once I turn inward and contemplate them. I’m very interested, even feel wonderful, about Not Avoiding or Escaping. I found some compassion for myself and all the images from the past and this place.
And it is Wonder-Full to be awake in the wee hours. That’s a big turnaround, right?
I can find it. So quiet, so soft, so empty. Two o’clock in the morning is so still. Monks do this on purpose all over the world for centuries to connect to God, Universe, Reality, Self without needing to complete basic tasks or any activities.
I can feel the wonder of being up. The wonder of noticing a sky going from pitch black, to pale blue, to lighter pale blue and grey.
What a mysterious, fascinating, curious place, this earth and this life–my own body, these eyes seeing, this mind thinking, these other bodies in my presence who are “related” to me and so precious:
Children, husband, the people I’ve never met outside walking over to the beach, the buildings, the white seagull, the hum of the fridge–apparently all of this that came out of nothing into something for reasons unknown.
No sleep required for happiness.
Nothing missing. Nothing.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Thank you.
Posted on

Be your own Gandhi–the change you wish to see–by doing The Work!

Gandhi said “be the change you wish to see in the world”. The best way I know how? Self-inquiry, followed by living our turnarounds and taking action. Join YOI to receive the support to do this.

The Year of Inquiry (YOI) circle begins next week in earnest with live telecalls. No one has to commit completely until November 1st.

This week, everyone’s going through Orientation, scheduling their first solo session with me, and joining our private forum watching the tech intro video. We’re writing our first Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

We’re gathering. We don’t know each other yet. We’re about to begin our journey.

We’re taking the plunge into sharing inquiry in a committed way with other people. Scheduling it.

Not just doing it in the car in our heads.

Plus, our in-person live group (optional) retreat in Seattle is only six weeks away (Oct 17-21…it will be amazing, the highlight of my fall).

If you are seriously considering joining this fabulous one-year small group of inquirers, email me soon for a conversation: grace@workwithgrace.com or read about it here. Only a few spots left.

A participant in a past year shared this with the YOI group as we got underway, and I feel the same: “I’d like to say how much I’m enjoying being a part of this group. I thank you all very much for coming together and making it possible. I thank me, too, for this gift to myself.” ~ YOI Participant

Being connected to others in groups and at a deeply intimate level has offered me shifts in my life that have changed…..everything.

But being in a group can be uncomfortable! It can be really freaky scary!

It might be boring, stupid, full of annoying people, or depressing!

The first time I went to a twelve step meeting, over thirty years ago, I was so shocked that people spoke the way they were. I was quite literally stunned.

I had no idea you could say out loud what was going on inside your mind and heart.

I had no idea you could actually tell the truth.

But I caught the bug of awareness about my own mind by hearing others talk about theirs.

A few years later, I joined a therapy group.

That scared me half to death. I was silent for six months before the therapist actually said “your silence is actually very controlling”.

OMG! Really? But I don’t want anyone, ever, to see anything wrong with ME!

Oh. Right. I’m controlling the potential opinions of others.

This very resistance to people seeing what’s wrong with me, and the story I have about it, may be a terrible misunderstanding. And also, the primary way the story remains intact.

When I first encountered The Work of Byron Katie, I felt a memory stir of how I felt when I started that group therapy in my twenties.

I wanted to clam up.

Thanks! Got it! I’ll just go away and handle this BY MYSELF! See ya! I’m good! Yep, yessirree I’ve done a LOT of personal work so I’ll take it from here!

I wanted to burn my Judge Your Neighbor worksheets. I might even look over my shoulder while I wrote them just to make sure no one was coming.

Once, I was reading a worksheet out loud to a facilitator (who I could hardly believe I had hired), and I watched myself skip right over one of my sentences, one of my stressful concepts.

I couldn’t read that one. Then the facilitator would really hate me. Maybe some judgments are acceptable, but not that one.

I’ll just work on that one later, by myself in my closet with a flashlight.

The truth is, when you work with a group of people, and get to know them and show up regularly, you have no way to manipulate, direct, appease, lighten, or control what anyone does, says, thinks or feels when you tell the absolute truth.

We may see parts of you that you normally keep hidden.

You may not be able to keep that ugly stuff to yourself anymore.

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.” ~ Pema Chodron

The thing is, you can only maneuver your life into being closed and careful for so long.

At some point, for everyone, their interest in the truth and revealing themselves becomes more important than holding things together.

I find every time I join a collection of people with the intention to learn, grow, incorporate and understand….it’s thrilling.

Our joining makes something wonderful happen.

But I’ve got a lot of practice now at self-disclosure. I know from experience that it works WAY better than puttin’ a lid on it.

I speak from careful testing.

I would have LOVED to maintain a perfect image and never have to say the yucky stuff, the fears, the anger, the sadness.

But it was killing me not to.

Even if you’re super crazy shy, you know how great it feels to have one of those wonderful, close, connected, honest conversations.

Being with others in a deeply honest way may not only be good, it may change your entire life.

Twelve step groups, support groups, one-on-one counseling, group therapy, retreats, prayer circles, study groups, people who do The Work of Byron Katie together.

We the people are somewhere you can reach us…whether on the phone, in your neighborhood, in your city.

You mean….I am going to reveal my stressful, weird, unpleasant, nasty, immature beliefs?

You mean I’m going to tell about my inadequacies, fears, and anger?

You mean I’m going to write what is inside my head? On paper (not in invisible ink)? And read what I write OUT LOUD?

Yes. You are. (You know you want to)!

You may feel sick for a little bit, but it’s awesome.

The more I’ve done The Work….the easier its gotten to reveal my innermost crushing thoughts to other humans.

In fact, the cave is no longer dark and musty and smelly–the one filled with all those resistant beliefs.

It’s rather light and treasure-filled now.

I see now that this comes from being totally and completely honest, noticing exactly where and what I wanted to hide, and uncovering it…all the way.

“Most people don’t get out of childhood, or adolescence, without being wounded for telling the truth. Someone says ‘you can’t say that’ or ‘you shouldn’t say that’ or ‘that wasn’t appropriate’ so most of us human beings have a very deep underlying conditioning that says that just to be who we are is not OK….Most human beings have an imprinting that if they’re real, if they’re honest, somebody’s not gonna like it. And they won’t be able to control their environment if they tell the truth.” ~ Adyashanti

Letting go of control, you become very honest.

That moment of speaking the truth without trying to get anything or expect anything or look a particular way–that moment of just being you–what an amazing shift.

You may notice a freedom beyond belief.

“If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve.” ~ Tao Te Ching #74

If you’re ready to be with a group, supporting you through inquiry with honesty and integrity, then come on down to the One Year Program and join our telesessions, starting next week.

We meet Tuesdays OR Wednesdays OR Thursdays. Come to one a week, or come to all three. You’ll be partnering with others privately, sharing on our private slack forum, learning about and diving into a different topic every month.

You will be welcome here…the real you.

If you head to this page, there will be a recorded presentation at the top about every detail of the program you can watch (60 minutes) and fast forward through any piece of it. There are slides to make it easy (it’s a webinar). If you’re ready to join, scroll down until you see the registration links.

When you sign up, I’ll get a personal email and write you back within 24 hours to welcome you and get our first solo session scheduled.

And even if you never join Year of Inquiry, find others to connect with. Have them facilitate you. You facilitate them.

Begin. Then, you’ll truly be the change you wish to see in the world.

You’ll be your own Gandhi.

Much love,
Grace
P.S. If you want to come to ONLY the retreat October 17-21, you can sign up here.

Posted on

Inquiry: letting your grown up out

Slow down. Let your feelings show you your stressful thoughts. Do The Work….Ahhhhh.

From time to time, someone I do The Work with says something like this:

“I don’t know what I’m thinking. I just feel awful. I wake up anxious. I overeat. I drink. I smoke. I have a dull job. I’m not sure what I’m doing in my life….How do I do The Work on all this?”

LOL. (Kind of. I know it’s not that funny when you’re in it).

I love how the mind looks at “all this” (your entire life) and keeps things foggy, uncertain, unclear.  Awareness is in a holding pattern of…..“I have no idea what’s going on, I just feel bad. Gosh.”

One thing that can help if you’ve had this overwhelmed uncomfortable feeling, is to first, focus on one troubled feeling at a time.

For example, if someone says they feel anxious (I can relate as a former anxiety junkie) I might ask “What does that feeling look like? What color is it? Where does it land in the body? What’s the temperature? What’s the texture?”

As the person focuses on the feeling, they’re turning towards it, not away.

If they feel MORE anxious for a moment, and they start to feel pretty nervous, I might do The Work with them first on the belief “I am not safe.” Or “Feeling this isn’t safe.”

Is it true?

No.

Who would you be without this story you aren’t safe right now, feeling this feeling?

What’s the turnaround?

 

I am safe. Feeling this is safe.

And now….noticing you’re safe, if your feeling could speak, if you let it bring you the message it wants you to know, if you considered this feeling a gift rather than an enemy you need to get rid of….

….what does it have to say?

Sometimes, the awareness is instantly far more lazer sharp.

The other day, I watched my own mind follow this very inquiry, landing on the stressful belief.

My teenager daughter, off at college, is far less communicative than I anticipated. She rarely calls, she hardly ever texts, and I’m so curious about her daily life, her classes, her friends, who she’s meeting, what she’s learning, what she’s thinking about.

I have to wait, though.

Until a weekend break, or whenever she returns home.

I love her so much, and miss talking with her. I’m also awed by her independence and feisty strength. She’s not clingy, not needy, and has no desire for my opinion or consult. For now, this seems incredibly healthy and beautiful.

So the other night, I look at my phone before going to bed and realize this daughter, such a wonderful curiosity, called 45 minutes earlier.

Wow!

Even though it’s late and I was about to turn out the lights, I immediately return the call. (She naturally didn’t leave any message).

“Oh hi mom! I’m five minutes from home, just about to get off the bus!”

REALLY?!

She walks into the cottage moments later and I am so, so happy to see her. Big embrace. She’s doing a homework project, and since it’s a long weekend (Monday is a holiday) she’s home for 2 nights

Then, I say I don’t get why she didn’t let us know she was coming?

Her: I did let you know, jeez, I told you about this weeks ago!

Me: But I never knew you had actually decided to come, I had no idea. Plus I thought you said you were sick?

Her: Being sick has nothing to do with Not Coming, I only have a cold. I can’t believe you didn’t realize this, I told you I was coming, like, ten times.

Me:  I didn’t know! You should communicate more clearly!

Her: I did!

Me: You didn’t!

(Variations on the theme You Did and You Didn’t ensue).

My daughter and I eventually go through texts on both our phones, and discover she never received a few important texts from me, and I thought her replies back were matching other completely different questions, and the whole misunderstanding and confusion was based on text and cell phone tech failure.

It’s like the Who’s On First Routine.

So we laugh, and embrace again and agree it’s late and time for sleep.

Especially because her step-dad and I are leaving in the morning at 6:30 am for an overnight in Canada, just over the border.

As we load our little carry-on bags into our car in the beautiful early morning, I’m aware my daughter is sleeping soundly in her bed.

She’s home.

And we are leaving.

How did this happen? If I had known, I would have stayed in town. Rats.

Anxious flutter. Images of her being alone all weekend in the house going here and there and me not getting to cross paths with her, see her, listen to her. I think about how beautiful she looked, coming into the house with her gorgeous dark brown hair and grey blue eyes, grey tights, cute polka dot skirt and black jacket.

On the car ride to the pier where we’re catching an early boat, I feel jumpy. We shouldn’t be going. I don’t care about this trip. I get seasick. This won’t be fun. I need a massage, not a holiday. There are too many people in this line (the boat is sold out). I can’t meditate. Complaining.

But then rather than skipping around to generalized complaint mode, finding something wrong with the moment and my feelings in addition to whatever else is in the environment, I stay with the feeling that’s anxious.

And then….the true stressful belief appears….*ping*:

I need more time with my daughter.

People think this all the time in a very deep and troubling way with someone who is dying, or a break-up, or when saying goodbye for a long period of time.

I need more time with them than I’m getting.

So let’s do The Work!

I need more time with her, Is that true?

Yes! So true! I can’t BELIEVE I’m traveling AWAY from her when I want to get to know her more and….

Stop. It’s a simple question. Can you KNOW this is absolutely true that you need more time with anyone?

No.

How do you react when you believe you need more time with her?

Choked up. Sad. Longing. Images of the future. Images of the past. Melancholy. I feel like turning around and to hell with the money my sweet husband spent to surprise me with two days away.

As I’m seeing the present moment, the gorgeous high cliffs of islands, the Puget Sound, the misty rain, the white choppy waves, the magnificence of where I am located….I dismiss it. I think Somewhere Else is better (at home with daughter).

So who would I be without this very stressful thought that being somewhere else is better than where I am, and I need more time over there?

Who would I be without the belief someone else’s company, another location, a different experience, more time with a person who is not here physically….is required for my happiness?

Woah.

Laughing. Laughing at the absurdity of it all. As if my thoughts had control of the universe. Noticing that with the thought, I’m missing the beauty of this location (except fortunately, not really).

Without the belief I need more time with someone else, I feel the glory of being alive and having eyes, ears, fingers, breath. I remember my father, who died quite young it seemed, and how doing The Work on his absence gave me the incredible gift of having him here in my heart at all times, and no dad to miss.

Without the thought that I need more time with my daughter, I simply sit here, noticing I adore her.

Turning the thought around:

  • I do not need more time with her.
  • She needs to spend more time with me.
  • I need more time with myself.
  • I need more time with what I’m spending time with (look around).

I don’t need more time with her, because I’m aware that even if she’s home, she has mega plans with other people. Not me.

She needs more time with me? Yes, as the kind, listening, adoring mother I am. I could go visit her soon, instead of waiting for her to come home.

I need more time with myself, with reality.

There is no requirement for time, I notice, in the universe. Time is limited in this physical body. Sometimes, humans are here for a very short time. Only months, or a few years. Sometimes, 19. Like my daughter.

I need more time with my own thoughts, with my feelings, with myself, with my environment.

Yes. I get to notice the splashing drops on the window, the great vast salt water sea, the low hum of this clipper ship motor, the snow capped mountains sharply rising off one side of the boat, my appreciation for remembering to take Dramamine (motion sickness medicine) which my husband kindly asked for.

I get to notice how very much I love this apparent daughter, and how it is right that we are independent beings. She should be able to easily live without me, and I without her. It doesn’t mean love between us isn’t just as vast as this ocean I’m sailing on.

“That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and impermanent, is the first mark of existence. It is the ordinary state of affairs. Everything is in process. Everything—every tree, every blade of grass, all the animals, insects, human beings, buildings, the animate and the inanimate—is always changing, moment to moment. We don’t have to be mystics or physicists to know this. Yet at the level of personal experience, we resist this basic fact. It means that life isn’t always going to go our way. It means there’s loss as well as gain…

If you’re going to be a grown-up—which I would define as being completely at home in your world no matter how difficult the situation—it’s because you will allow something that’s already in you to be nurtured.” ~ Pema Chodron

Your answers, already inside you.

Let the uncomfortable feeling lead the way to the thought lead the way to growing up lead the way back home.

Much love,

Grace

Upcoming Events, Click any link to read more:

Sunday Living Turnarounds Group 3-6 pm 2/26

March 18 East West Books Dissolving Eating or Body Image Issues with The Work 3-6 pm only $25

Spring Retreat Seattle area May 11-14

Breitenbush Hotsprings Oregon June 21-25

Summer Camp for The Mind Virtual Daily Inquiry Jam 2017

Posted on

I quit

hcpemachodronquoteYou know when you have those days where you thought you had time to do your list, but no?

Sometimes….argggghhhh.

So frustrating.

Yesterday, I had quite the list of tasks and appointments and writing time planned. These involved being out at the library, or driving in my car to visit the post office and office supply store. Only two clients scheduled on purpose, and the last week of every month has no Year of Inquiry calls….

….time to sit down and map out the full Eating Peace Process which will start in January, the upcoming Relationships retreat at Breitenbush in early December….

….and really make progress in writing and outlining some of the new updated curriculum.

But then, a doctor’s appointment turned into an hour of waiting before it even began.

And suddenly I was going to be late for a client whose number I didn’t write down in my calendar (never good).

Racing home, everything was bumped an hour late.

My mom left a message saying “call me today, I need to book flights for spring ASAP!”

My email Inbox was a mile long.

The home phone cable line stopped working. And the internet disconnected twice.

Then knock-knock on the door and new internet equipment has arrived after 3 months (or a year) of trying to figure out what would help.

Attention turned to putting the new modem and router together (which went surprisingly well) but I needed a special part for my computer, and to return an old part to the internet store so I stopped “renting” it month after month.

Five hours later….

No writing done on programs, probably the most important thing I could have been doing (in my opinion). No Grace Note written (which is one way I “do” The Work).

And the thought “this is too much effort. I quit.”

When I say this kind of thing, I mean the Whole Thing is too much effort. Like, even having this business I seem to do in the first place.

I quit.

What an interesting thought.

It’s like the mind comes up with this idea and it feels pretty good for a minute, right?

This relationship is over! Take this job and shove it! I’m outta here! Sell it all! I’ll never speak to him again! Give all the books away!

I QUIT!

Pictures of no longer paying for internet service, ever, and moving off the grid. (LOL).

What’s really kind of funny is how it’s not possible to actually “quit” most of the things you think you can quit.

But let’s look. Because it sure it enticing and sort of has a wild passionate fire-energy inducing feel to it.

Quitting what I do for a living is a good idea.

Is it true?

Maybe you can find something you think of quitting from time to time. Your primary relationship. Moving to a new house. Moving to a different country. Quitting your job.

It’s what you want to do, really….is it true?

No. It’s almost funny, for me, it’s so untrue. You may have noticed, though, depending on your situation, the feeling of wanting to “quit” something many times.

How do you react when you think this thought in earnest? What happens when you imagine you want to quit, you say in your head “I am so leaving this” or you feel the urge to walk away?

Sometimes, people with this thought begin to imagine what it will look like AFTER they quit, and get scared.

Yesterday when I was doing the zip-zip around of unexpected movement of the day, I had an old CD in my car audio player. It was Byron Katie doing The Work with a young woman who felt she couldn’t read certain books in her house because her husband would throw them out.

“He’s controlling me” said the woman.

I was fascinated with how and why someone would stay in a relationship situation like that….and I listened closely. I remembered hearing this work long ago, but I was so intrigued at the thoughts in my own head basically saying “Why doesn’t she quit?!!!”

Hmmmm. Maybe the mind loves coming up with this quitting solution, but it’s not necessarily the best one, or the easiest, or the most efficient.

Who would I be without the belief that quitting is the solution? That quitting is the way to not have to deal with something or someone anymore? That moving, leaving, shutting down is the best or primary answer to a difficult relationship or schedule?

Who would I be without the story of “I QUIT!”

Wow.

Even if there’s a furious little 2 year old having a fit in the background (the one who loves quitting)….

….I would notice it’s not possible to quit.

This way of thinking, the furious mind that loves to try to control situations, and make big grandiose statements, and jump to conclusions, and protect from further uncomfortable feelings….

….doesn’t quit.

Ha ha.

But it doesn’t mean I have to “do” what that Quitter Voice says.

I can look more closely at what I object to in the first place, that inspired the quitter to come forward.

Usually….fear, lack of freedom, sadness.

Turning the thoughts around: “I” don’t quit.

I notice the thoughts sometimes can yell about quitting, but the body does what it does and life moves as it does.

The relationship continues to be very important, even in my own head, whether the person is in the room or not. The activity continues to draw me, whether I know why I’m doing it or not. The movement of love continues to happen, whether I’m resisting it or not. Rest occurs whether I think I should be working harder, or not.

“It is possible to choose awareness instead of resistance. Switching attention from the resistance of ego-identity to the intelligence that animates us is a skill we can learn. And it takes practice.” ~ Cheri Huber

Resistance arises as a thought, and I follow it or believe it, or I don’t. I notice another turnaround is truer: thinking quits. 

It’s here, then it isn’t. Poof! It’s gone.

Another turnaround: “it” quit me. The relationship, the job, the business, the location, the activity.

When it does. Not really me in control and dictator of this situation, I notice.

Again….laughter.

“Do you choose to actively or passively change your life? Good; you made the right choice. Why? With or without you, you seem to change, and with or without you, something always seems to happen. It isn’t necessary that you do it.” ~ Byron Katie

Notice, notice, notice. Awareness.

The power of noticing, becoming aware, seeing it from a greater perspective….far bigger than the little mind will ever know.

I stay.

(Until I don’t).

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Seeing Through Your Fear To Be Safe

The darkness of fear is bleak, but are you sure the story you're telling is absolutely true?
The darkness of fear is bleak, but are you sure the story you’re telling is absolutely true?

Her eyes brimmed with tears, she looked as if her heart was breaking and she was trying not to feel it.

A woman who had come to work with me was on skype, but we could see each other clearly, it was almost like being in person, even though she was across the Atlantic Ocean.

She had discovered her long-term partner had been paying for porn sites on the internet, going to places to buy sexual experience, and ran up debt feeding what seemed like an addiction to casual or sexual encounters with people he didn’t know.

She found out because of a pocket-dial. One of those weird times where the cell phone accidentally gets tapped, makes the call, and a voicemail is recorded.

She heard a long, strange 4 minute voicemail that sounded completely bizarre, and she had questions.

The questions led to more questions, realizing her partner was lying.

We’ve all had moments when it seems like someone isn’t telling the truth, or they’re telling the partial truth, or something doesn’t add up.

It’s sooooo easy to begin the barrage of thinking when betrayal, panic, fear arises.

You really believe something’s awful, and you’re terrified.

I remember having the same kind of experience myself.

I was trying to reach a man I was interested in by phone. He normally was very available. Almost always picked up the phone, we’d have long conversations. We weren’t even in a relationship….but I thought it was going in that direction.

It didn’t matter if it was called a relationship or not a relationship.

The dreamy elixir of addictive thinking was present.

I need him. I want him. He adores me. He wants me. This is thrilling. This is fabulous. This is giddy. I can’t wait for the next call.

I called back two hours later. No answer. I called back before bed. No answer. I texted the next day. No answer.

Five days later, he called and told me all about his sexcapades, illegal activity, strange dark unhappy environments.

Oh.

That’s the way it is.

And then a whole other pile of thoughts fly in like a tidal wave.

What an idiot I’ve been. I can’t believe I picked that person. He’s so wrong. I don’t need him. I don’t want him. I was so mistaken. This sucks.

Crash.

The world collapses. The dream is over.

But who would any of us be if we didn’t have the beliefs in either the ecstasy or the hell of love relationships? If we didn’t think they could save us, or kill us? If we didn’t cling to others, or avoid others?

Who would we BE without the belief that relationships offer something “special” whether it’s uplifting or earth-shattering?

Kinda weird, right?

What if we really investigated the beliefs that partnerships are such a big honkin’ deal?

Immediately, I find a middle road opening as if fog is parting, and there’s a path.

It’s OK to walk the path alone, it’s OK to walk the path holding someone’s hand, it’s OK to walk the path with a few close friends, it’s OK to walk the path with a whole group arm in arm together for awhile, and then alone again.

“Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look.” ~ Pema Chodron

And so I began the journey with my client that day. The journey of taking a good look.

Remembering my own looking as we investigate together.

Turning everything around: I am not abandoned now, I abandoned myself in that situation, I am set free, I do not know where this is really going, things come and things go including relationships, things are torn apart, things are built up, there is movement, all is very well except in my thinking.

Could all these things be just as true, or truer?

Yes.

“There is no greater illusion than fear, no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself, no greater misfortune than having an enemy. Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.” ~ Tao Te Ching #46

Much love, Grace

 

Posted on

Trying To Control Your Thoughts Is Like Trying To Control The Wind

So many people responded to my little survey asking what my podcast should be named, and what topics you’d like to see addressed.

Thank you! Thank you!

(The name will probably be Peace Talk).

And wow.

There are a lot of topics to address.

Anxiety, fear, depression, pain, money, self-worth, disrespect, misery, wanting appreciation, eating too much, feeling addicted, nervous about the future, not having enough time, wanting to stop all these miserable thoughts!

It’s interesting to notice what we think about thoughts themselves, when they’re difficult.

Not only am I having a rough time here with what happened….but now, even as I sit quietly in a chair, or drive home in an empty car on my commute after a long day at work, or walk to the store for groceries, or lie in my bed at night….

….I’m thinking uncomfortable thoughts.

Arrgh. So annoying.

Why can’t I just be positive? Why do I have to scare myself, or think of worse case scenarios, or obsessively repeat the issue over and over again?

Why can’t I give it a rest?

Interesting thought to questions.

I should stop thinking this way.

Is it true?

Yes. My life would be totally different if only I had stopped thinking depressive, anxious or negative thoughts long, long ago. I should be more positive.

What’s wrong with me?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you should stop thinking the way you’re thinking?

Um. Yeah. I will never get enlightened this way. My mind is too anxious too fast too childish.

How do you react when you believe your thoughts are your enemy? When you think you should stop thinking the way you think?

Sour. Angry. Full of self-criticism. Depressed. Tired.

Who would you be, though, if you couldn’t believe you should stop negative or anxious thinking? Has it worked so far to try to stop?

Can you stop thinking, when you yell at yourself for all your crazy thinking?

Notice what happens when you really don’t believe you should stop thinking the way you think.

Something opens up.

Like it’s asking for attention, for you to hold this thought-machine with care, kindness, acceptance, and compassion.

“How can you NOT think about something? It’s thinking you. Thought appears. How can not thinking [or thinking] about it be irresponsible? You either think about it or you don’t. Thought either appears or it doesn’t. It’s just amazing that, after how many years, you think you can control your thinking. Can you control the wind too?” ~ Byron Katie

When I turn the belief around I find “I should keep thinking this way.”

Woah, seriously?

Yes…check it out. Explore this. How could it be of benefit to think the way you’ve thought so far? Even the dark, disturbing thoughts?

It appears to be the way of it.

Even if I don’t know why.

Allowing this mind, these thoughts, this path to be as it is….

without demanding, pushing, striving for these thoughts to be different….

….I notice they are not so intense. They are not so loud. They are almost, suddenly, very funny.

“Our wisdom is all mixed up with what we call our neurosis. Our brilliance, our juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion, and therefore it doesn’t do any good to try to get rid of our so-called negative aspects, because in that process we also get rid of our basic wonderfulness. We can lead our life so as to become more awake to who we are and what we’re doing rather than trying to improve or change or get rid of what we are or what we’re doing.” ~ Pema Chodron

Not being against my own thoughts, the beliefs that float through, the anxiety that creates images, or vice versa, the repetitive thinking…

…I notice letting it be here is soooo restful. Puzzling maybe, but very, very relaxing and restful.

That’s always here, even when thinking is happening.

A great, silent resting place.

And if you can’t feel it, don’t worry. Just notice the thoughts, one by one, and inquire into if they are really true, and who you’d be without them.

There are 2 spots left in the 8 session teleclass Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven Mondays 9-10:30 am Pacific Time. Click HERE for more information. If you need a payment plan, hit reply.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

No Suppression, No Aggression, No Suffering

It is truly incredible to me the power of some stories (especially one I’m going to mention today experienced by moi), and how deep they run and how intensely they stick.

Especially if they haven’t been seen in the light but stay down in the underworld, half hidden from consciousness.

Today I’m talkin’ about the Story of Nicey-Nice and it’s flip sided neighbor Argh-Aggressive.

What is up with that auto-pilot Be Nice and Seethe Inside thing?

Here’s what I mean by auto-pilot.

A few examples:

Person starts talking to me. They talk, talk and talk some more about their terrible aunt who is evil. It’s the fifth or tenth time I’ve heard about the aunt. The story is the same. I remain quiet, even though my stomach hurts. I do not say “you know, I’ve heard you speak about this so often, I don’t ever want to hear it again, you complaining ninny.”

Person asks if they can enroll in the program I’m teaching for free. I don’t let them know that it actually cost me, then, to have them in the program. I would be paying for them. I say yes, even though I don’t feel good or right about it.

Person sends me gifts in the mail, leaves presents for me in my car, drops items for me into my bag at work. I don’t say “what’s with the gift-giving slightly stalker weirdness, can you please stop?”

Person tells me I’m unfriendly because I don’t smile at her and say hello in the morning. I don’t want to, I just want to focus on the project I’m hired to work on. I don’t tell her “I won’t be doing that.” I say “hi” for awhile but then give up.

Person asks me if I want to go on a boat ride with him and his dog. That sounds horrible. I don’t say “no, I get seasick and I’m not that into pets”. I feel guilty for not being into pets. I don’t answer his emails.

Person starts showing me their photos of their vacation and there are about 5000 of them. All landscapes. I don’t say “I’ve seen enough, thanks.” I keep looking and nodding but thinking when the hell will this be over.

Person asks me to teach them everything I know about marketing and promoting and growing my business over lunch. I think about the thousands of dollars I’ve invested in learning what I know for the past three years and how huge this request is. I say “sure, we can do that sometime” but I won’t ever do that.

You get the picture.

And then the worst situations for me when I’ve been Not Authentic, shall we say, have been with men on dates, in relationships, when sexual encounters were a possibility, or underway.

There’s a moment.

The feeling that I want to go more slowly, or stop, or that I don’t like something is clear. But I never spoke up!

Today, before the Sexuality class began, I was reading over the curriculum (which is awesome, by the way). I loved zoning in on this way of being, and looking again carefully, without hacking myself to bits for having done it.

The way I used to be, I frequently said nothing in situations where I felt conflict or concern.

After doing The Work on a few of these more intense situations…

…I realized that I wanted the person who did something objectionable (in my opinion) to change so that I could be more comfortable.

Otherwise, I might have to speak up, tell the truth about myself in that moment. Horror of horrors.

The truth that was “I don’t like that! No thank you! Stop! Ewww! Really? I feel afraid, I’m angry.”

I had great fear that if I did speak up, the person to whom I was speaking might feel hurt, and then hurt me back, and then I’d feel hurt.

So let’s question that thought today. The idea that it might be safer to keep quiet, or safer to speak up, and uncertainty about both.

Is that true that it’s safer to keep quiet? Or safer to speak up?

Rats. I don’t know. Wait. Yes. I actually do think this is true. It feels safer to keep quiet. Yes. But I should speak up, dang it. Help! I don’t know!

How do you react when you believe NOT telling someone to stop, or that you don’t like what’s happening, is easier and safer? How about when you believe it’s better to sock-it-to-em and tell it like it is?

I’m nervous, agonizing over right and wrong. I’m terrified.

Who would you be without the belief that speaking up is better…or keeping your opinion to yourself is safer? Without the belief that either one is right or wrong?

I’d relax and trust more. I wouldn’t be so suspicious of what’s going to happen in five minutes, or tomorrow.

Wow. There would be no future.

I’d say what I really think, with a sense of clarity, even love.

I wouldn’t believe I have to put up with things, allow things to happen without saying how I feel. I wouldn’t think I have to scream to be protected. I’d honor myself, as well as the other people. It would be exciting!

Turning the thought around: Telling the truth is safer. 

It saves a whole lot of time.

I think of how many relationships dragged on and on in a certain unsatisfying way because I didn’t tell the truth. Like I was clinging to being likable, and avoiding hurt.

What if instead I stepped out on the ice and skated, being freely who I am, and THEN saw who showed up to play with me?

That sounds much more fun, much more real. It’s more solid, genuine, deep, kind, loving.

I’d notice how much I love honesty and clarity from others, whether they are more soft-spoken or direct. I notice how openness, calm, kindness and sharpness are all beautiful elements of great conversation.

And I love myself when I’m honest with ME, not trying to pretend I like stuff I don’t like. That’s the most important of all.

“To discover our autonomy is the most challenging thing a human being can do. Because in order to discover our autonomy, we must be free from all external control or influence. This means that we must free our mind from all that it has collected, all that it clings to, all that it depends on.” ~ Adyashanti

I find there is a place beyond all turnarounds, where there is no concern for safety, but no urgency….a sort of waiting, maybe a true silence, that is deeply genuine.

Real feelings coming up in the moment. Feelings that say “get away from me” or “be quiet” or “no I don’t buy you begging me to help you mediate your arguments with other people” or “slow down” or “I’m leaving” or “quit bossing me”.

But falling back, not being silent because you’re so terrified of being disliked or hateful, but instead relaxing with the sensations….this goes beyond all strategies for what-to-do next.

“Patience has a lot to do with getting smart at that point and just waiting: not speaking or doing anything. On the other hand, it also means being completely and totally honest with yourself about the fact that you’re furious. You’re not suppressing anything–patience has nothing to do with suppression. In fact, it has everything to do with a gentle, honest relationship with yourself….This suggests the fearlessness that goes with patience. If you practice the kind of patience that leads to the de-escalation of aggression and the cessation of suffering, you will be cultivating enormous courage.” ~ Pema Chodron 

There is no safer. It’s an illusion.

Just be you, without any requirement to fix, help, appease, diminish, change, switch, improve you or anyone else.

Now that’s a wonderful practice. We can call it Beyond Safety.

Beyond Nicey-Nice and Argh-Aggressive and all that flip-flopping.

I notice that in this realm, there is no forever suffering.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. August Summer Camp For The Mind starts next week. Only $97 to join with other inquirers this final month of summer to question your thinking and change your world. Sign up this weekend.

Posted on

If You Keep Lying Down, You’ll Drown

Recently a client was telling me about their experience taking EST trainings in the 1980s.

(I took these trainings, too! Twice!)

There was a component at the beginning of the training where a list of agreements were given to all the participants.

Where to put your name badge, compliance around when to leave the room, how the structure of the program will unfold, the consequences of lateness.

The leader said that we would go over these “rules” but no one should agree to them unless they had all their questions answered, and were in total and complete 100% agreement at the core of their being with every rule on the list.

I can’t remember if that’s the exact way they put it, but you get the idea. Don’t agree to a commitment that you could break.

For my client who was looking back at her experience taking EST, that was noooooo problemo. It wasn’t for me either, at the time.

Those are the rules? OK then. I can do that. You got it. If that’s what you need, to get on with this, I have zero objection.

But then the Other People.

Good lord, seriously? Someone else is raising their hand to bring up a point about the stupidity of “having” to wear your name tag in the top right side quadrant of your torso?

Just put your name tag there, you moron, you’re making us all wait forever! I have to go to the bathroom, jeez!

(Internal eyes rolling. This would be over by now if not for all these petty objections, and we could get on with this and get into the actual program).

What I didn’t realize at the time, being one of the youngest, most immature people there, was that it WAS the program.

My strategy was already cemented in place about rules, regulations, control, patience, and waiting.

The most low-key, acceptable way to handle being in an environment where someone else wanted everything to be ordered, smooth, or controlled, where they were telling you what to do, and where someone had lots of expectations….

….was to Just Do It.

I thought of myself as the most patient wait-er. I was calm, collected and not a problem child. I was not selfish, I would be good and helpful.

If I had to wait until the world ended, fine.

Be that way!

Well….that approach has brought on some serious passivity in my life that has felt hopeless, unhappy, despairing and deadly. A kind of giving up.

But the other day, I recognized it as a very, very subtle but tricky little idea that still lived inside of me.

I realized that sometimes, I still believed the opposite of making an effort, pushing, grinding, pressing on, competing and trying to “win”….was to lie down on the floor.

Quit trying. The effort clearly doesn’t work. So give up. Wait for all the dorks to come to their senses. Maybe they’ll approach ME.

Now, before you think you can’t relate and you’re never compliant, or that you try to be a good team member, or are passive at your own expense (feeling superior to others) consider your spiritual path, your inner spiritual life.

I will sit in meditation and wait, since I am now practicing No Effort.

Since Reality, God, Bliss, Enlightenment, Money, Love or Joy do not show up and stick around forever….

….I guess I’ll just accept All This as a big chaotic mess. Kinda bummer. But that’s OK, I’m not complaining. Heh heh.

The awesome thing about doing The Work is that you are SUPPOSED to complain. What a relief. Finally you can go for it.

Time for some investigation!

Is it true that you have to wait? For that thing you want?

Holy Moly! What?!?!

Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?

Dang.

Pause.

YES! Show me the Money! Show me the Lightening Bolt! Unveil my clouded eyes! My phone isn’t ringing…hello?! (You can bang the phone on the table for extra dramatic effect while shaking your fist at the sky).

OK, but do you absolutely know that YOU have to WAIT? All of you? Your thinking? Your body? Is the silence you hear actually a form of waiting? Are you SURE?

Who would you be if you did not have to wait for what you really want?

Just pretend. If you couldn’t even have that thought, who would you be? What would you say, do, feel right now?

What if you aren’t missing something, or waiting to get to the real meat of the program?

Give it a moment. It’s just a suggestion.

You. Do. Not. Have. To. Wait.

See if it could be as true or truer than the original, stressful thought.

“You find yourself lying on the bottom of the ocean with your face in the sand, and even though all the sand is going up your nose and into your mouth and your eyes and ears, you stand up and you begin walking again. Then the next wave comes and knocks you down. The waves just keep coming, but each time you get knocked down, you stand up and keep walking. After a while, you’ll find that the waves appear to be getting smaller. That’s how karma works. If you keep lying down, you’ll drown.” ~ Pema Chodron

Wow, I do not have to lie down, hold back, reel it in, keep my cards as close to the chest as possible and stay in a hidey hole?

All I know is, right now in this moment, without waiting, a surge of excitement goes through me that’s so thrilling and unexplainable, I feel like Tigger towards the universe.

You know, the very enthusiastic almost annoying tiger in Winnie The Pooh?

JOY!

Turn the thought around again: my thinking has to wait.

Yes, it’s always sure it’s being left behind, or competing, or not given enough, you know? Never quite right. More, around the corner.

Boy, thinking loves to spin a good story.

“Have you ever felt that you really didn’t like being here very much and that you wanted some wonderful eternal experience? That’s what is often thought but not said when the teacher says, “Be here right now.” Inside you are feeling, “I am here, and I don’t like being here. I want to be there, where enlightenment is.”~ Adyashanti

Right here, in this waiting space, this moment with all those people asking all their questions and getting all their needs met…..maybe YOU have question, too?

And if you really don’t, how intriguing all theirs are, how fascinating. Is this moment NOW the wonderful, eternal experience you’ve been waiting for?

It might be.

Check to see.

If it isn’t, write down why not and get to work, don’t wait.

And if you’re ready to get into it with a group, come join us at Breitenbush. The fresh air, the warmth of the hot springs, the fabulous food, the mind getting to answer superb and expansive questions.

You can find your answers.

Get up again, don’t lie down!

Everything is waiting for YOU. Now that’s the ultimate turnaround!

TIGGER BOUNCE!

Much love, Grace

Posted on

He’s Asking Too Much–Is It True?

It’s only two months now until the Breitenbush Annual summer retreat immersion in The Work.

If you register by this Thursday, May 1st, it’s only $395 for tuition. You add lodging and meals based on your own preference.

To sign up call Breitenbush on the phone at 503-854-7174. The reservation desk is open, even if the campus is not, so listen carefully to their outgoing message and press the right buttons to get connected.

Speaking of ancient old-fashioned ways of making reservations….

….I’m in love with my new smart phone.

If a phone can do what this phone does (it talks to me when it can tell I’m moving in car, so I’m hands-free, wow)…

…then one would think that registering for ANYTHING should be easy.

The other day I took a six hour CEU (Certified Education Units) training for my certification in counseling in Washington state entitled “Mental Health Ethics in the Digital Age”.

As our brilliant lecturer began the program and asked everyone what devices they used and whether or not they had websites, the range of answers was enormous.

Someone shouted from the back of the room that she would NEVER sign up for facebook. Later on I taught her about Instagram and Snapchat, which I learned from my teens.

I thought she was going to have a heart attack. (We laughed!)

People get fired up about social media and doing things online, getting information stolen or interrupted or spied on. Many people are oriented towards face-to-face contact or talking on the phone rather than email or chat room.

It’s really interesting noticing a little stabbing judgy thoughts about people, new technology and devices and programs, and what they should or should not be doing.

A man wrote me recently asking to please send information to his P.O. Box about the Breitenbush retreat. No email or phone number.

I wondered what information, exactly? I have a ton of information already on my website, and on www.thework.com events, and on facebook events.

Can’t you get it there?

I must confess, I resisted.

Send a physical written letter thing? Jeez, what a lot of unnecessary work! In this day and age? He must be 100 years old!

(Gosh, could it be that sometimes, the information I list out there online might be a little hard to find, or confusing, or—gasp—incorrect?)

Well. It’s a little embarrassing to admit I didn’t want to write a postcard, but this is worthy of The Work.

Because everything is.

It’s kinda like the same as getting all worked up about traffic, or interruptions, or losing your dollars in the vending machine….

….is it true, that this question requires an inconvenient action? Is it true that giving a response is a hassle?

No.

It took me less than five minutes to send a postcard today, to the requested address.

Is it true that I would know what that person’s motivation, age, situation or personality is like, who is making this request?

People who get enraged at traffic often think they know what the drivers are like: rude, unconscious, unsafe, distracted.

But can you know that this is true?

Can you be SURE that you know whatever you think you know about the questioner?

Not at all.

How do you react when you believe the thought that someone is asking you for something inconvenient, or something that is “making” you expend extra energy?

Well, heck, the way I react is I dismiss them. I think they’re irritants. I want to ignore them, get away from them.

Sometimes people feel this way at work. Someone asks them to complete something new, different, extra, unusual.

What a pain-in-the-ass!

Fume fume fume.

Maybe you do a poor job, just to make them sorry. So they never ask you again.

But who would you be if you couldn’t even have the thought that his request is a hassle? That her question was stupid? That their complaint is frightening? That she asks for too much?

“There isn’t any hell or heaven except for how we relate to our world. Hell is just resistance to life. When you want to say no to the situation you’re in, it’s fine to say no, but when you build up a big case to the point where you are so convinced that you would draw your sword and cut off someone’s head, that kind of resistance to life is hell.” ~ Pema Chodron

I may not have a sword….but my mind is shooting daggers. This is not really that different.

In fact, I see that if I can notice this internal stab, it’s a lot easier to soften, relax and surrender and take the most natural next step.

Like send a simple postcard to someone I never met.

Then, it never turns into war. I use my intuition, I respond.

Yes. No. Not right now. Maybe later. Pause. Wait. Yes.

I turn the thoughts around: Breitenbush should reserve only by phone and appear to be closed a lot, that man is not asking for too much, they aren’t hassling me, it is not difficult, I don’t know what they are thinking… 

I follow the simple directions.

It’s very efficient. And much easier.

Even fun.

Heck, now I’m thinking I could have written more. I could have printed out something from my website and sent it. Ha ha, it moved the way it did.

Gently.

“When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.” ~ Byron Katie 

Much love,

Grace

 

 

Posted on

Telling The Truth To Others Changes Everything

The Year of Inquiry (YOI!) circle begins 3/7/2014 and our in-person live group (optional) retreat in Seattle is only two months away. If you are seriously considering joining this fabulous one-year small group of inquirers, email me soon for a conversation: grace@workwithgrace.com.

A participant shared this with the YOI group, and I feel the same way:“I’d like to say how much I’m enjoying being a part of this group. I thank you all very much for coming together and making it possible. I thank me, too, for this gift to myself.” ~ YOI Circle Participant

Being connected to others in groups and at a deeply intimate level has offered me shifts in my life that have changed…..everything.

But being in a group can be uncomfortable! It can be really freaky scary!It might be boring, stupid, full of annoying people, or depressing!

The first time I went to a twelve step meeting, thirty years ago, I was so shocked that people spoke the way they were speaking. I was quite literally stunned.

I had no idea you could say out loud what was going on inside your mind and heart.

I had no idea you could actually tell the truth.
But I caught the bug of awareness about my own mind by hearing others talk about theirs.
A few years later, I joined a therapy group.
That scared me half to death. I was silent for six months before the therapist actually said “your silence is actually very controlling”.
OMG! Really? But I don’t want anyone, ever, to see anything wrong with ME!
Oh. Right.
When I first encountered The Work of Byron Katie, I felt a memory stir of how I felt when I started that group therapy in my twenties.
I wanted to clam up.
Thanks! Got it! I’ll just go away and handle this BY MYSELF!
See ya! I’m good!
OK then!
Yep, yessirree I’ve done a LOT of personal work so I’ll take it from here!
I wanted to burn my Judge Your Neighbor worksheets. I might even look over my shoulder while I wrote them just to make sure no one was coming.
Once, I even watched myself skip right over one of my sentences written down, one of my stressful concepts, as I read them all out loud to an actual facilitator (that I could hardly believe I had hired).
I couldn’t read that one. Then the facilitator will really hate me.
Maybe some judgments are acceptable, but not that one.
I’ll just work on that one later, by myself in my closet with a flashlight.
The truth is, when you work with a group of people, and get to know them and show up regularly, you have no way to manipulate, direct, appease, lighten, or control what anyone does, says, thinks or feels when you tell the absolute truth.

We may see parts of you that you normally keep hidden. You may not be able to keep that ugly stuff to yourself anymore.

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.” ~ Pema Chodron
 

The thing is, you can only maneuver your life into being closed and careful for so long.At some point, for everyone, their interest in the truth and revealing themselves becomes more important than holding things together.

I find every time I join a collection of people with the intention to learn, grow, incorporate and understand….it’s thrilling. Our joining makes something wonderful happen.

But I’ve got a lot of practice now at self-disclosure. I know from experience that it works WAY better than puttin’ a lid on it.

I speak from careful testing.I would have LOVED to maintain a perfect image and never have to say the yucky stuff, the fears, the anger, the sadness.

But it was killing me not to.

Even if you’re super crazy shy, you know how great it feels to have one of those wonderful, close, connected, honest conversations.

Being with others in a deeply honest way may not only be good, it may change your entire life. Twelve step groups, support groups, one-on-one counseling, group therapy, retreats, prayer circles, study groups, people who do The Work of Byron Katie together.

We the people are somewhere you can reach us…whether on the phone, in your neighborhood, in your city.

You mean….I am going to reveal my stressful, weird, unpleasant, nasty, immature, pissy beliefs?

You mean I’m going to tell about my inadequacies, fears, and anger?

You mean I’m going to write what is inside my head? On paper (not in invisible ink)? And read what I write OUT LOUD?

Yes. You are. You know you want to!

You may feel sick for a little bit, but it rocks. The more I’ve done The Work….the easier its gotten to reveal my innermost crushing thoughts to other humans.

In fact, the cave is no longer dark and musty and smelly….the one filled with all those resistant beliefs.

It’s rather light and treasure-filled now.I see now that this comes from being totally and completely honest, noticing exactly where and what I wanted to hide, and uncovering it…all the way.

“Most people don’t get out of childhood, or adolescence, without being wounded for telling the truth. Someone says ‘you can’t say that’ or ‘you shouldn’t say that’ or ‘that wasn’t appropriate’ so most of us human beings have a very deep underlying conditioning that says that just to be who we are is not OK…….Most human beings have an imprinting that if they’re real, if they’re honest, somebody’s not gonna like it. And they won’t be able to control their environment if they tell the truth.” ~ Adyashanti

Letting go of control, you become very honest.That moment of speaking the truth without trying to get anything or expect anything or look a particular way…of just being you…what an amazing shift.You may notice a freedom beyond belief.

“If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve.” ~ Tao Te Ching #74

If you’re ready to be with a group, supporting you through inquiry with honesty and integrity, then come on down to the One Year Program and join our telegroup, starting 3/7/2014.You will be welcome here…the real you.Love, Grace(This Grace Note went out originally in Sept 2013…it’s modified here since I’m gone celebrating my birthday.)