Tag: nisargadatta

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Rockin’ In The Free World With Inquiry

with inquiry - free world
with inquiry – free world

I remember when I first got to The School for The Work ten years ago.

My thoughts so innocently at the time were basically I had no trouble with anyone….

….or if I did, that was in the past. Done. Fini.

Any remnant thoughts of those people were MY problem and I had done “a lot of work” on those problem people already, so I was kinda over it.

Code word for “a lot of work” is many hours in therapy, in workshops, or with close friends analyzing, discussing, rehashing and talking about the people who had been problems in my life.

And finding solutions for how not to feel bad about those people, or about myself.

All of it actually really important.

I don’t dismiss the profound support I received from mentors, people in dynamic roles offering different ways to approach my predicaments.

Awesome. Some invaluable.

But I really did talk about some of those problem people ad nauseam.

When I found The Work, it was soooooo fantastic for cutting through the BS, not explaining myself, not speaking in my own defense, not trying to sound pleasant and non-jugmental while still expressing terror or rage.

No, all that pretzel-twisting was over.

I didn’t have to try to communicate what I was feeling in any particular way.

It was on the paper. Unedited. Blunt. Real.

I could then begin to explore if these judgments and complaints were actually true.

It didn’t matter how I got the judgments in the first place, or if they were justified.

The focus was truth.

I brought up every single person I felt difficulty with in my life, one by one: grandpa, grandma, mom, dad, siblings, best friend, boyfriend, husband, dog.

I went for the relationships that had hurt the most, in my opinion.

The times that felt unbearable, devastating, or shameful.

Or when I felt like hitting someone I was so angry!

I noticed how I acted now, in my daily life, when I believed my thoughts about those people, even if they had been dead for years.

Mean. Impatient. Sad.

I then got to imagine who I’d be without my thoughts….

….Noticing the air, the chair I was sitting in, the open window latch, the hum of the distant street, the color of the plate on the table.

Present.

When I turned my thoughts around about those mean, nasty people from my past…..I got surprised!

She was controlling? I was controlling–of both her, but mostly of me! He was distant? I was distant from him, hiding my real thoughts–but mostly distant from myself! They were critical of me? I was critical of them inside my head–but mostly critical of myself inside my head.

Wow.

You mean this is no one’s fault? Nobody is to blame? Everyone was doing the best they could? They were just acting the same way I already was acting with me?

I could only really get this, though, by walking slowly through each concept on my worksheets–not by flipping to the turnarounds or being speedy about the process.

Going slowly was the speediest.

That’s why every week in the Relationships teleclass (or any teleclass), we look at one thought and walk it all the way from the top to the bottom of inquiry, investigating its flavor and meaning.

“Just understand that what you see is not what is. Appearances will dissolve on investigation and the underlying reality will come to the surface. You need not burn the house to get out of it. You just walk out. It is only when you cannot come and go freely that the house becomes a jail.”~ Nisargadatta

With inquiry, over and over again what I thought was true, I realize after inquiry…..wasn’t.

All those meanies and rejecters, weren’t, and didn’t.

This is not the natural way of my mind. My thoughts will still take off after someone who says something that stings. My heart will still feel broken about someone I miss. Adrenaline will still rush through my body with a jolt when I’m about to walk out on stage in front of a whole bunch of people or have an important confrontational talk with a friend.

But these reactions really are far, far, far less. I can’t tell you how much shorter, or how I’m already laughing even as the adrenaline is coming to the end of its wave.

It has made a difference.

Now, it feels most of the time like everything and anything can be worked with.

Bring it on, even. Bring it.

Wow, it’s a free world.

So free, I could dance!

Love, Grace

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Even The Horrors….Questioning Your Personal Thoughts

candleindarkness
life endlessly transforms

Not so long ago a very dear client/inquirer/friend called me because her son’s girlfriend committed suicide. Age 16.

Even though I didn’t personally know her son directly, nor the girlfriend….

….I paused with the news, drew in a deep breath, and then cried.

The awareness of a young girl deciding to end her own life filled me with the ache of suffering of humanity.

All kinds of thoughts went though my mind: it’s so unnecessary, the parents of this girl must be devastated, this was an unfinished life, these events are unbearable, the son must be so distraught, how does so much suffering happen?

I felt connected to it. I know this family. They live in my same city.

This past year, I read about a death of a 15 year old girl from my daughter’s high school, also by suicide. I didn’t know her at all, didn’t recognize her name.

It’s not terribly uncommon.

That’s the incredible thing.

Such finality in the decision, and yet decided every day by people.

Last year all mental health professionals where I live were required to take a six hour continuing education course on suicide.

I was so grateful for the training.

During that class, one topic of discussion was about interviews which have been done with people who have tried to commit suicide and by some strange intervention, did not succeed.

Many of them shared one fascinating thought, as they looked back at the event.

Right after they caused the act that would end their life….

….a huge number of them said “Oh no! Wait! Nevermind!”

They became clear.

After the decision was no longer up in the air.

The mind working so fast and realizing, after stopping the endless agonizing debate of whether to DO it or NOT DO it….

….once that war was over….

….this wasn’t really the answer.

Now of course, these people in the interviews were the ones that by some fluke DID live.

They landed on a soft pile, their stomach was pumped of all the medication, the bullet went clean through and missed vital parts, the rope broke, they were rushed to the hospital and stitched up.

Maybe those who die also have clarity beyond that moment of taking action, who knows. And maybe, since they die, that is exactly what they become clear about—death was just right for their situation. We can’t really interview them.

There is simply no answer, no way to know.

Suicide exists as one way life ends…..and everyone’s life is over in this particular body at some point.

So who would I be without the belief that it’s the wrong choice, unbearable, impossible to get over, a life that should have been different or longer?

It doesn’t mean I like it, or my heart doesn’t break into pieces….but I notice I’m present, connected, full of feeling, tender, noticing there are no answers and no reasons, and there is still life here, going on, and I can show up for the people here, now.

“In the end you know that there is no sin, no guilt, no retribution, only life in its endless transformations. With the dissolution of the personal ‘I’ personal suffering disappears. What remains is the great sadness of compassion, the horror of the unnecessary pain.” ~ Nisargadatta

It’s OK not to know what to do, or say when someone dies…even from suicide. It’s OK to remain present, to be with those who remain alive, to help them, to support, to feel every drop of feeling, to sob.

All you have to do is be there, being.

Nothing more.

Love, Grace

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The Ecstasy of Giving Up How You Should Change

For quite a few years I’ve worked with people deep in the pain of struggling with binge-eating or over-exercising, flipping flopping between being a rigid bad-ass and eating with crazed abandon.

If you think this isn’t you….stay with me here. This flip-flop happens inside so many of us, even if you never over eat or under eat.

You perhaps experience a sense of structure, discipline, force and controlling yourself in some area you feel sure needs controlling….and then swing over into “I’m tired of this! I’ll do whatever the hell I want!”

What I’ve found is this duality comes out of a rule book called Thoughts of Should about how you should be, as opposed to how you actually are.

  • I should be nicer, I should lighten up
  • I should control my temper, my urges, my thoughts
  • I should never be angry, terrified, nervous, whiny
  • I should be more decisive, giving, direct
  • I should be thinner, in better shape
  • I should be richer, more accomplished
  • I should be enlightened, gentle, free

If you believe any of your stream of Shoulds…..ugh.

It hurts.

What if someone close to you who knew you intimately well said the same thing?

Even in a nice voice?

That’d be a major bummer. You might want to get away from them.

You might want to eat, drink, watch movies, surf the internet, read, do anything to occupy your mind you forget about all your deficiency.

But is it actually true, without a doubt, that you should be other than you are?

Yes! I should have several million dollars in my bank account. I should be less sarcastic. I should be less critical. I should be more fun. I should keep the bathroom cleaner, and the yard.

You may feel absolutely certain that you should lose 20 pounds, or 5 pounds. You may feel it is true you should find a mate, own a house, advance in your career.

Notice how you react when that voice is yelling at you.

I feel crushed, like ducking under the table. I want to isolate, get away from other people in case they agree (I secretly thing they do).

I used to feel like eating “forbidden” food (hint: make all foods unforbidden and things will go better in that department…then you can simply choose).

You may feel like drinking, raging, cleaning, criticizing.

But what would it be like to live without these thoughts? Without thinking of them as true, in any way?

What if you just arrived from Planet Jupiter and they don’t try to be different there than they actually are?

Wait. Not try to change?

But. I’ll remain poor for the rest of my life. I won’t achieve it, if I don’t think I should be different. I’ll never be thin. I’ll lie down on the floor and let people walk right over me. I’ll be passive and mute and jello.

Nice try, drama queen mind.

Give yourself the chance to imagine, to FEEL what it would be like without that Should List.

Doesn’t it feel liberating? Don’t you want to bounce like Tigger? Laugh?

Feel the total fun of not thinking you should be different or improved from how you are?

Wow.

I walk down the street differently, I sit in my chair differently, I look in the mirror differently.

Turning the thoughts all around to the opposite….this is so much more true. This is reality. Not fantasy.

  • I should be exactly as nice or as mean as I am, I should sink down (not lighten up), I should be right here
  • I should not control my temper, my urges, my thoughts…I should get to know them, invite them in for tea, appreciate their presence
  • I should be angry, terrified, nervous, whiny….I should be these without shame and allow them to live wildly and passionately through me
  • I should be more uncertain, selfish, indirect…especially with all these Shoulds
  • I should be exactly the weight and shape I am, no more or less
  • I should be poorer and less accomplished…enjoy life without grabbing, notice how pure joy has nothing to do with money, or my happiness, ever
  • I should not be enlightened, gentle, free if I’m believing these kinds of thoughts. When I stop believing them….BOOM. I am enlightened, gentle, free.

WoooHooo!

“Once you realize that the road is the goal, and that you are always on the road, not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and its wisdom, life ceases to be a task and becomes natural and simple, in itself an ecstasy.” ~ Nisargadatta

Love, Grace

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When You Have To Make A Good Impression

There is a store called Archie McPhee’s in Seattle that sells only what is silly, goofy, funny and often bizarre gizmos and toys.

Things like bacon flavored gum, rubber finger insect puppets, and mad libs.

I try to go there once a year on my birthday. My kids know this trip is a part of my birthday event.

Several years ago, they were selling these ornate, plastic framed pictures of saints that were decorated in the style of 15th century Italy. I bought one that looked like the Madonna.

She’s delicately exposing with both hands a red heart in the middle of her chest with light rays beaming out of it. She has a saintly blue shroud over her hair that falls over her shoulders.

I put it up on my wall in the living room in this high space that normally wouldn’t hold paintings or artwork. I thought it was funny, but also loved the drama of it, in a good way.

Love…beaming out of her heart to everyone and everything around.

One day, I realized that when clients come to do The Work in my cottage, they see that Madonna right up on the wall.

Someone asked me once “Are you Catholic?” and I said “No, why?”

They pointed at the plastic painting.

Then…someone else gave me a nicely framed little copy of a Madonna and Child also from the Renaissance period that sits near the entryway to my home.

Hmmm. Maybe I should move one of them, take them down.

What will people think?

I smiled. I had a stressful belief that people might be assuming something that is not true about me. I’ll give them the wrong idea. Oh no!

You may have this as well….about something.

I was once working with a man who had a lot of thoughts about his appearance. He said he couldn’t go out of his house wearing sweats or casual clothing. He had to be dressed well, even if it was jeans he had to look together, with a nice shirt, shoes, socks.

It’s interesting to notice when we think we know what other people are thinking, or what they MIGHT think….and try to hide it, change it, avoid showing it, just so we won’t be rejected, misunderstood, or judged wrongly.

I have to make the right impression!

Is that true?

No. Not really. People can ask if they have questions or need to clear up something or aren’t sure what something means about the way I’m appearing, just like that client did.

How do you react when you believe you have to make the right impression?

Oh man. This can be really stressful. More stressful than you might think.

What if it’s a person you’re interested in romantically, or a colleague you admire, or an audience, or your family and friends?

You think they might not like what you’re doing, what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, what you look like, how you’re coming off…and you feel anxious.

You change what you like, just to make sure it doesn’t come off the “wrong” way.

Embarrassed, ashamed, hiding, sneaking.

I used to say things to the cashier when in line with a bunch of food at the grocery store like this….”gosh, I wonder if I have enough for 12 people, that’s how many people are coming over.”

But only when I knew I was going to binge on the food.

It’s horrible, trying to cover up things about you, because you’re afraid of what people will really think. Very stressful.

So who would you be without these thoughts?

Without the belief, at all, that you need to make any impression whatsoever? That you have to do, say, act, be a certain way so that folks like you, or aren’t mistaken about you?

“You can get really good at this game of creating someone. And if the person you created is not receiving the popularity and success you expected, you can adjust your thoughts accordingly. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with this. Obviously everybody does it. But who are you that’s doing this, and why are you doing it? Why do we let this happen to us? Why do we care so much whether other people accept the facade we put out there?” ~ Michael Singer

Without the belief, things may be weird and strange. You’re not attached to what you thought was necessary. You may lose your bearings.

Without the thought that I need to say, understand, do, think, feel or appear a certain way…to make a good impression…it’s total wide open infinite space.

“I noticed that things happen with or without me, people approve of me of they don’t. It has nothing to do with me.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought I need to be somebody, and make it a good impression, I discover something vast…a little frightening possibly.

But it’s very, very free and present. There is no concern, in a very gentle way, for what other people think. There is only noticing, seeing, connecting, wondering, laughing.

I turn the thoughts around: I don’t have to make the right impression, I have to make the wrong impression, it’s not possible to make any true impression, I only have to make the right impression to myself, (and even that is unknown).

“You have put so much energy into building a prison for yourself. Now spend as much on demolishing it. In fact, demolition is easy, for the false dissolves when it is discovered.” ~ Nisargaddata

Much Love, Grace

P.S. Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven starts next week Mondays 9-10:30 am Pacific Time. Still a few spaces. Click HERE for more information.

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Old, Wrinkled, Sagging, Done–Hooray!

Many people have written to me about a Year of Inquiry (YOI) starting next month. One person asked if she could get a taste of what a group telesession was like, before deciding.

This got me thinking…

…next week is the very last week of Summer Camp for The Mind, where we’ve had 90 minute calls questioning our thoughts all summer.

If you’d really like to get a sense of how a telesession feels, our last three calls are Monday 4 pm 8/25, Tuesday 8 am 8/26, and Thursday 9:30 am 8/28. All Pacific Time.

Write me a personal email at grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d really like to join one of those sessions, and especially if you’re thinking about YOI. My gift to you.

****

Meanwhile, back on the ranch.

The ranch, in this case, being the body. Because that’s where the mind goes today.

The body, and the troubles with the body. Having to “deal” with the body.

Have you ever had a problem with the body?

First of all. About a week ago, someone offered me an espresso.

Well, maybe just this once. Yummy.

Five days later and at least four more espressos later, my hands are peeling, my face is dry, and I have a sick feeling in my stomach. Rats. Oh well.

Done with that….again. Now the skin has to heal up.

And speaking of skin.

I wanted to make a video. It was part of a very short, small project. It only had to be about a minute. I whipped out my cell phone…pretending I’m like all those smooth youtubers my kid watches…

…and when I watched the video…

…OMG. Seriously? I have that many wrinkles? I look like a dork, too, with my hair sticking up. Like I just got back from the gym.

Then there’s the surges of heat, where I feel suddenly completely warm, and sometimes slightly weird in my stomach. Kind of fascinating, but not exactly the best thing that ever happened in my life.

It’s called menopause.

My right second toe has some kind of knotted, weird, frozen joint thing going on. And let’s not mention that right torn and repaired hamstring from last year that still feels tight, numb and painful. Plus my right thumb kind of aching and not able to grab stuff tightly. (What’s with the right side? jeez)!

It’s a mess of imperfections and problems.

You may have your list, too.

That injury, the accident, the doctor’s visit, that thing that’s been hurting for a decade, the chronic ache that started when you were a teenager, the face, gray hair, sagging skin, the diagnosis.

It’s limited. There’s only so much time. This body will end.

What if you have stress, despair, fear, anger or concern about this state? That everything can only last awhile, and becomes more worn, used, old, or decaying over time?

Because everything does. Even a flower. Even a rock. Even a body.

Not long ago I did The Work with a woman who had been a big athlete in her life. Now, she had breast cancer. She was losing her hair with treatment. She felt ugly and like everyone could see, and everyone would know she was the diseased one.

They won’t like me, they’ll judge me, they’ll discard or move away from me, this shouldn’t be happening, I hate this disease.

Yesterday, I thought about her again. I could relate.

I hate this.

You can pick anything in the body. Small or large, light or traumatic.

I hate that this kind of thing happens, that things break down, that there is aging, change, sickness….I really do hate this.

Is it true?

Yes. It’s soooooooooo saaaaaaaad. Or frustrating.

Are you sure?

Yes. I got reading glasses some time ago and I think I have to go up to the next level. This is all the beginning of the end.

Death is approaching…even if it’s still 40 years away. My time is limited. I might have to cut my hair at some point, because who cares.

How do you react when you believe it’s sad that the body is limited, that it’s changing, or that its better to look young than old, or that sickness is horrible?

I don’t want to send the video with all those facial wrinkles. I don’t want to participate. I just want to read, learn, withdraw. I don’t want to hear anyone talk about me (it wouldn’t be good). I want to pretend I don’t have a body.

So who would you be without believing any of this? Without thinking this sucks, or that what’s going on is devastating? Without the thought that this is NOT LIKABLE?

Huh.

That’s weird.

This could be likable?

I love this. It shouldn’t be different. 

Strange.

“Why do you need to be straight in your posture? Is it true that you feel more open when you’re standing up? There’s no such thing as old age. There’s only an appearance. You look in the mirror, you tell the story of what you see, and you shut yourself down. What you see in the mirror is God. You tell the story of how its not, and how its wrong….And you don’t have to wait for old age, you’re living it now.” ~ Byron Katie

When I believe that I shouldn’t get sick, or old, or die…I’m against all signs that this could be happening, and stressed about those signs, and rejecting those signs.

But I can investigate right here, right now. Until it’s OK to have all these supposed ailments.

Suddenly, happiness. Smiling. I can feel so strongly what is not concerned at all, how very, very well everything is. Watching from out of these eyes, from what looks through them with absolute humming.

It’s truly awesome.

My thoughts were old, frail, aging, decaying, worn out, sick, limited, breaking down, falling apart, fuzzy, wrinkled, sagging.

Oh…that’s a good thing. I love that my thoughts and stories and nightmares and visions about bodies are breaking into a thousand pieces, dissolving and vanishing and becoming nothing.

Yippee!

“Nature is not a masochist. It’s loving.” ~ Byron Katie

“Refuse to think of yourself in terms of this or that. There is no other way out of misery, which you have created for yourself through blind acceptance without investigation. Suffering is a call for enquiry, all pain needs investigation. Don’t be too lazy to think.” ~ Nisargadatta

The adventure continues.

Much love, Grace

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When You’re Nervous About An Upcoming Event


There will be room in August Summer Camp if you’re looking to dial-in and connect to your own answers, by listening to and answering powerful questions known as The Work of Byron Katie.

You get to look at a stressful situation in your life, write out your stressful thoughts about it, and then examine your beliefs and thought-patterns more closely.

The group support is immensely helpful for many.

You aren’t alone!

Click here, register (it’s only $97 for the whole month, you can call in to any of the appointed 90-minute telesession times) and I will send you all the information you need via email to dial-in and join our August camp.

Telesession times: 8/4, 8/5, 8/14, 8/18, 8/19, 8/28. I bet I’ll add at least one session for all those who join 🙂

*****

The other day, I was reminded of how funny our beliefs are when it comes to anticipating people, or events, that are about to happen.

You get invited to something….a party, a meeting, a group, a class, a teleconference, a meal, a date, a meetup, a support group, a dance, a workshop.

You have to find the address, notice what time you need to leave your home, and get yourself to the location.

Even if it sounded pretty good when you were first invited, on the way there you may be having a few thoughts.

  • I probably won’t like the people. They’ll be too serious, stuffy, uptight, young, corporate, touchy-feely, left wing, right wing, religious, liberal, conservative, shy, uneducated, pompous, old, radical, rich, feeble, blabber-mouthed, needy, poor, woowoo, aggressive, boring, messed up
  • I won’t fit in
  • this could be a waste of time
  • I’d rather be _________
  • I’ll get lost in the crowd
  • there will be too few people (so they’ll make me talk)
  • why did I say yes?
If you believe your thoughts, and think your visions are truly risky….

 

….like the one where a bunch of weirdos are trying to get you to join their cult….

 

….you might turn around and go back home.

 

It’s great if you catch yourself having this fantasizing fit.

 

Because you KNOW it isn’t even true. There is no way you can know what will happen at that upcoming thing you’re going to.

 

You can speculate, you can try to guess, you can analyze it from every angle, but you will not know.
 
You’re asking your own mind to do this impossible. Predict the future. Keep you safe. Prevent bad things from happening.

 

Except.

 

About that idea of “bad” things happening.

 

If you do The Work, and ask yourself the four questions about any of these worries, you may be pleasantly surprised about how anticipation of future events or possibility can change.

 

So let’s go!

 

Make yourself comfortable.
Imagine that future event you’ve got scheduled, and you feel a little fuzzy, off, anxious, buzzy, or annoyed about it.

 

It has to go the way you really want, in order for you to be totally happy. It’s possible for it to go badly.

 

Is that true?
Yes. I’ve been to stupid things before. So annoying! Or creepy!
Like that time the moonies invited me to dinner when I was 18. I didn’t know they were the moonies. That weird meatless broth. So many people living in one house.
But can you absolutely know it’s true that something has to go your way? Are you sure you can’t be happy if it doesn’t? Are you positive it COULD go badly?
Are you sure you wouldn’t be safe? Or get yourself to solid ground? Or take care of yourself as best you could?
Well. People get kidnapped. Or trapped by lousy conversation. Or stalked. Or tricked. Or conned. Right?
You may have heard terrible, horrifying stories. But what about your own actual experience…..
…..have you always made it out alive, so far?
Who would you be without the belief that it could go wrong, whatever you’ve go on your calendar for next week, for the future?
Woah. That’s a big, huge, wild, open question.
But such an exciting one.
It doesn’t mean you walk across a freeway without looking both ways, it doesn’t mean you don’t take in all the information you receive carefully and responsibly.
You take note of what comes to you and feel if it’s a yes or no, or an “I don’t know”, without fear.
Turning the thoughts around: it is not possible for it to go badly, it does NOT have to go the way I want in order for me to be happy.
 
Could I be happy, without any expectations of the way it’s going?
I can connect to my awareness, with kind, sweet attention. I can take care of myself with the greatest affection and love.
This means I might get up and leave, if I do.
And oh what an adventure all the coming and going is!
Even if you have experienced what felt to be a terrible mistake, a trap, a difficulty, a rotten party, a lousy class, a boring meeting…..could whatever comes along be a new learning, a fascinating journey?
Could it be you are ultimately safe?
At least, I notice I’ve made it so far in this physical body.
“In the future, you could suffer….is that true? You get to see it all, those images, and then you get to live it out. Fear is driving you. But who would you be without that thought? This moment is all there is. I can promise you, it’s all there ever will be. This moment. Are you OK? You’re standing in your future. Remember when you were worried that you would suffer in the future? Well, here it is! How are you doing?! THIS is the only moment there is. Everything else is imagination.” ~ Byron Katie
 
Could it be that all those thoughts about other people and what they’ll do are not real? All imagination?

 

Oh. Now that’s not very scary.
  • I will like the people. They’ll be fabulous.
  • I will fit right in
  • this could be a fantastic use of time
  • there’s nothing I’d rather be doing
  • I’ll get found in the crowd
  • there will be just the right number of people (I’ll get to talk)
  • I’m so happy I said yes
“Once you realize that all comes from within, that the world in which you live has not been projected onto you but by you, your fear comes to an end…….Pain and pleasure, good and bad, right and wrong: these are relative terms and must not be taken absolutely. They are limited and temporary.” ~ Nisargadatta

Much love, Grace

P.S. Almost early registration time for Year of Inquiry. To read about it, click HERE. To sample what the telesessions are like, consider joining August Summer Camp! Would love to meet you.

 

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Good Days, Bad Days, Peace

The past two days were so oddly different.

One felt light, curious, in motion, alive. One felt dull, heavy, thick and lethargic.

The light one was better.

Ha ha.

But I really did notice that I had a long list of things to accomplish on the lethargic day…I was alone, I chattered away to myself internally about paying attention to the calendar and the time and the banking statement and items I don’t generally keep track of.

People bring this type of concern up a lot in their inquiry process, doing The Work.

I should get these things done (show list, whether in head or actually written down). 

Last night, someone in Summer Camp mentioned this urgency to not waste time, get stuff done, and how troubling and mean it could feel.

Give me that other day!

The one where I got to sit with Cheri Huber and other like-minded investigators, and then go dance at a big inspiring 60th birthday all evening for a dear friend.

I want THAT kind of day. Not Monday with chores and plans and drudgery. So depressing.

Oh. Right. Inquiry.

Sigh.

That other kind of day is better. Is that actually true?

Hmmm. I thought I would have answered yes immediately. But actually, I’m quite sure it’s not true. How the heck would I know?

The Voice which says something is better or worse is not exactly right all the time, or trustworthy.

It’s always putting in it’s vote, you know? But I have the sneaking suspicion it doesn’t get one.

With the belief that some days are GOOD and some days are BAD and that’s the entire truth, I get stuck. I’m clamoring for good days. I’m avoiding bad days.

When I say “this one is bad” I’m grumpy. I’m irritated.

But what or who would I be if I couldn’t conceive of this idea? If I landed here on planet earth and didn’t really KNOW what was “good” or “bad” about the happenings of day-to-day life?

I’d notice something steady within that cares nothing for what goes on. That sees how everything is like a wave, blooming out, then dying and receding back. Up, down, coming, going, busy, still.

“It is the mind that is dull or restless, not you. Look, all kinds of things happen in this room. Do I cause them to happen? They just happen. So it is with you–the roll of destiny unfolds itself and actualizes the inevitable. You cannot change the course of events, but you can change your attitude and what really matters is the attitude and not the bare event….For peace, you must go beyond the world.” ~ Nisargadatta

Turning the thought around: there is no better or worse day. 

But. Wait. Isn’t that celebration day, wedding day, accomplishment day, hilarious laughing day, happy day, dancing day BETTER than the sick, tired, in-bed, lonesome, divorced, hospitalized, abandoned, worried day?

I mean…DUH.

Well…in this world, of course. It doesn’t mean you’re a ding-dong and have no idea what’s going on!

But noticing the goodness, the incredible opportunity, the achievement, the surrender, the change, the awareness, the phoenix that rises out of the bad days….now that is a different story.

An unusual story. A story of inspiration and love and astonishment.

“My experience is that God is everything. That’s the direct route. People who have that don’t need this Work. God is everything….What does it take? This now!” ~ Byron Katie

Wow. I have no idea what kind of day this was, now that I stopped thinking about it.

Pause. Pretty amazing.

Love, Grace

P.S.  If you’re noticing thoughts about Money that appear to be “bad”, or about Sexuality that appear “bad” we start next week with classes in both. Money Mondays, Wonderful Sexuality Wednesdays. Both classes start at 9 am Pacific. CLICK HERE to find info on either one and to register.

 

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There Is Something Wrong

Yesterday my road trip continued. The highway stretching out, breathing in scent of pines, passing a recent accident with firetrucks flashing lights.

A big huge mountain was suddenly there in front of me rising up, with the peak covered in clouds and warm rain pattering on my windshield. Mount Shasta.

One of my teachers, Steven Bodian, once said he had many awakening moments in a silent car, lightbulb going off.

You’re traveling through space, thoughts free-floating and free-falling. Then you remember something.

Winding down the pass…I think of a family camping trip to California. I am twelve.

We are on the road for several weeks, maybe three. My dad is on summer quarter school break, my mom takes a vacation from work. My grandma is with us.

One night we are in a gorgeous campground with the Pacific Ocean stretching out below us. Tents have been set up, my grandma is in her camping chair.

My sister who is eleven and I get into some argument about where we’re sleeping…I can’t remember what it was about. But I was so angry, I take her personal suitcase full of her clothes and belongings, and dump it all over the ground and the fling the empty suitcase as far as I can.

She looks at me in shock and fury.

I run to a nearby tree and climb it, up, up, up and sit there and peek down below at the destruction.

She’s telling my parents what I did and beckoning them to come see.

Now…here’s the part that still has a tiny edgy memory of shame.

My dad starts looking for me, but I say nothing and don’t come down the tree. I feel sick.

The seriousness of this guilt was so intense, I still remember it to this day, even though I don’t remember the actual fighting part with my sister.

I can do The Work from here, from what was then the future, the Now looking at the past. I came through here today to clean this up.

I was terrible.

Find the place where you have sometime felt this to be true.

See if it was.

Can you absolutely be sure that you were terrible, guilty, bad, and should be ashamed of yourself?

Even if you say yes, keep going with contemplating this belief.

How do you react when you believe it’s your fault, you did it, and it turned out like shit?

Self-condemnation sets in. Vows to never to it again. Hiding, embarrassment, feeling mortified. “Working” on yourself to fix this problem.

But who would you be without the belief that you were terrible?

Notice the whole entire situation without the self-criticism. Look at everyone in the scene. Notice what your thoughts were about everyone you were interacting with, not just you.

Oh yeah!

Begin to identify more clearly why you were hurt. Who else might have thought you were terrible? Why? What did you really want from people at that time, in that situation?

If you don’t just stop at the I-Hate-Myself platform…what else was going on?

You get to find out when you relive that moment and investigate.

I noticed I was most worried about what my dad thought of me having a fit. I felt rage, and then terrified he wouldn’t love me because I expressed rage.

Lightbulb.

I was copying my dad. He got angry sometimes, exploded, and then appeared to feel terrible and unloved.

Same same.

Without that thought, I notice it’s just humans, expressing themselves.

“The feeling that something is wrong…that’s not a personal problem of yours, it is a universal, human condition to carry inside the feeling that something is wrong. Then the mind looks for what it can do about it…where is the thing that’s wrong? And it misinterprets situations.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Nothing was wrong, nothing was terrible.

There was passion, energy, love, fear all swirling together. Things more things happened next. The scene moved on and became a memory. The bigness of the feelings relaxed, my sister and I were friends again, I always knew my dad loved me and I loved him.

“When you sit quiet and watch yourself, all kinds of things may come to the surface. Do nothing about them, don’t react to them; as they have come so will they go, by themselves.” ~ Nisargadatta

Love, Grace

 

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So Much To Do? Rest Here Now

After a retreat, vacation, travel, or some special time of learning something unique and new there’s something people refer to as the after-workshop glow.

Today, as I slept in (crazy unusual for me) after late-night conversations, singing around the campfire outside, and three intense days in learning and connecting with others, I feel very excited about…..well, EVERYTHING.

And then there was a little thought, not unfamiliar, which said “but you don’t have very much time.”

Oh brother, not TIME again.

Can’t you give it a rest?

Do we have to be concerned with time, and how much or how little or the quality or the apparent endless scarcity of it?

Visions of what I need to and want to do float through my head, even as I’m lying in bed after sleeping so deeply and so long.

I need to put the final touches on Year of Inquiry which I’ll take applications for soon…it starts in September!

I need to arrange a very special retreat I’ve been thinking about putting together for awhile for a very small group because enough people have asked.

I need to get ready for this next month of Summer Camp for The Mind for everyone who wants to be in the July session!

Answer emails! Get some tech stuff in place on my website! Write to so-and-so! Replace my dresser in the bedroom! Finish that book!

I need to, I need to, I need to…

Oh boy. I know I’ve written about time and stressful beliefs about it before, but these thoughts sure are persistent and gripping.

Let’s look again, from a new angle.

Why do I need more time? Why do I want all those things done anyway?

The mind imagines that with all these things completed, there will be a moment in the future when nothing is required, when you can rest and feel peace.

But not now, because they aren’t done yet, right?

I can’t truly rest with all these things unfinished.

Is that true?

Yes. They are in the back of my mind. Even writing this Grace Note, I’m thinking just a little about what will happen after that, what I may have to set aside until later, how I can best use the afternoon, blah blah.

But can I absolutely know that it’s true that I can’t truly rest with all these things unfinished? I can’t enjoy and relax right here, now, even with a big to-do list?

No.

Instantly with that recognition that the answer is “no” I look up.

I see the room I’m sitting in. Books, window, beautiful gleaming wooden floor, sun coming through edge of window, power cord, full tea cup.

I feel this moment, this room. Even with a mind scampering around shouting about what needs to happen.

This body relaxes, I feel the center of it, something very quiet and dark and deep, that knows all is well and none of all that stuff even matters.

Something so funny about it!

Who would I be if I couldn’t even think the thought that I can’t rest until all these things are finished, or it’s going to be better later when they are?

I feel a deep gratitude, that this moment is all that is necessary.

There is no future moment when everything is done, unless there is, but none of that is necessary right now.

It’s so amazing how the mind conceives of the joy I will experience from the completion of all these events and activities, and what should happen soon….

….and then takes off without waiting to notice that things are also very, very well right here in THIS moment, now.

Even if you are in traffic and you’re supposed to be somewhere in five minutes that isn’t physically possible….

….instead of feeling anger at the other cars, the street, your condition, your situation, lack of time….

….what if you knew all was so perfectly in order, you couldn’t possibly adjust time to make it better for you. Because it’s good NOW, as it is. Unfinished.

I CAN truly rest with all these ideas, tasks, activities unfinished.

That is far, far more true. That is true in every moment.

WOW.

“Time is in the mind, space is in the mind. The law of cause and effect is also a way of thinking. In reality all is here and now and all is one. Multiplicity and diversity are in the mind only.The mind craves for formulations and definitions, always eager to squeeze reality into a verbal shape. A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness inner energies wake up and work miracles without effort on your part.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

I know in this moment, I would rather see what happens next without effort on the part of my mind.

Oh, look at that. This Grace Note is complete and only 35 minutes have passed….

….but by writing about these thoughts, awareness shines in me and my whole body is more relaxed.

It’s still morning, the sun is brighter, I hear a skateboarder ride by outside and birds calling.

Time, apparently, to stand up and go out.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’d like a taste of guided work with me (with you), so you sit still, do your work, join with others…then come on board for Summer Camp in July. Small group of truly incredible inquirers, ready to investigate thoughts that hurt. Only $97 for all the calls you can make (there will be seven during July). Click HERE to register.

 

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You Can Love Your Mind

This past week, and many other times before, I’ve talked with truly honest and genuine inquirers who say this:

I am soooo angry, I am furious, I hate everything, I’m mad at my mate, my child, the traffic, my friends, everyone’s annoying, I am just so freakin’ judgmental, I can’t stand my own mind!

When you have this experience, and view the world through these pissy-irritable glasses, it’s not exactly fun.

Like a committee of screaming voices in the head that go from zero to hate in about one-quarter second.

Then you feel anxious, you hate yourself and your own thinking, and you lose.

As Byron Katie says….100% of the time. You lose.

You know it, right?

The loss feels horrible, you get depressed, explosive, you act ways you’d rather not act, you say snappy things to people you love, you become one of those negative complaining sorts.

The kind of person you don’t want to be.

I once was very close friends with someone who was exceptionally critical (my assessment, but he agreed).

We had long, long conversations about anger, death, what made us nervous, what we wanted, what was upsetting about life.

I noticed that this friend would often be at war with his own mind, hating the way it worked, trying to find a cure for his judgmental nature.

He should relax, he should calm down, he should stop being so critical, he is really afraid, he is so nervous and suspicious about everything under the sun…..

….but was that true?

Yes! He would feel a thousand percent better if he just chilled out a little, jeez. He should grow up, what a baby! He keeps wanting everything to be perfect, and it never will be. 

Can I absolutely know that this is true?

Can I absolutely know he should stop having a mind like that, stop judging, stop carrying on, stop criticizing, stop being so horribly mean and nasty towards everyone and everything?

Yes! I’m positive he’d have a better life, and so would everyone around him!

But wait.

Maybe judgment, criticism and nastiness all exist for a reason…..they are part of reality, after all.

Maybe he needs to be just as judgmental and rude as he is, for reasons I don’t even know.

I’ve felt that mean and critical before. I’ve been enraged, bossy, controlling.

Sigh. It may not be absolutely true that he shouldn’t be like that.

I know how I react when I believe the thought that anyone should be different, including MY OWN MIND.

I want order! I command that things go my way NOW!

It’s quite hopeless. Have you ever ordered your own mind to stop being so judgmental? Has it worked?

Who would I be without that thought? Without even being able to think that idea that he shouldn’t be so critical?

I wait, to answer this question. It takes a moment.

Without the thought that for the benefit of all, he should be different?

Dang. That is one mind-altering, crazy different way to look at this.

But I realize, I’d be…..less angry. Lighter. I might move away from him, towards a quieter place under the trees. I might give him a hug and tell him I care about him.

If he pushed me away, I would not take it personally. I might realize he’s feeling the way I’ve felt so many times before. I’d leave him alone.

“It is in the arena of personal relationships that the illusion of a separate self clings most tenaciously and insidiously. Indeed, there is nothing that derails more spiritual seekers than the grasping at and attaching to personal relationships.” ~ Adyashanti

I turn the thoughts around to the opposites: he should NOT stop being the judgy way he’s being, he should keep on doing what he’s doing, I should stop being the way I am being when I’m looking at him, I should stop being so critical of myself.

Could I allow my own critical mind, and his critical mind….to be as they are? No need to change them?

No need to fix anything. At all. Whatsoever.

Including my own mental analysis, criticism, judgment and overwhelm.

Inside I feel an inner sobbing, a welling up of release, freedom, letting go, defeat, surrender.

Acceptance of all that is, including criticisms and judgments and Huge Committee Voices that appear to attack the world non-stop, whether in his head or my own.

“All that happiness is already supplied. But the unquestioned mind is so loud, you don’t realize the happiness underneath the mind.” ~ Byron Katie 

Today, if you could really sit with the ultimate turnarounds to the thoughts that generate out like a machine when you’re upset, anxious about the future, disappointed about the past…

….could the opposites be as true, or truer, than your original beliefs?

I am soooo supported, I am ecstatic, I love everything, I’m connected to my mate, my child, the traffic, my friends, everyone’s incredible, I am just so freakin’ accepting, I absolutely love my own mind!

Wow.

I love my own mind?

Why not?

“You know why I care about loving someone? It hurts until I do. I am someone who knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn’t. I discovered what masochism really is, and that discovery left me as someone who loves you…..If you hate me, you hate you. If you love me, you love you.” ~ Byron Katie 

Today, I love my own mind. I love that it is such a busy-bee.

I notice that when I love it, instead of waging war on it for being a judgment machine….

….it gets much, much quieter.

And sort of, well, friendly.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” ~ Nisargadatta

Much love, Grace