Nothing Ever Goes Wrong

Yesterday morning in our YOI (Year of Inquiry) Tuesday group we began looking at The Worst That Could Happen, our topic for the month.

It’s not easy. 

Often the way the human mind works is that it will flash images of that worse case scenario, and also chatter (or scream) at you about how you better make sure to prevent it or do everything you can to try.

Then your mind will also say “You have to stop thinking about this! Control yourself! What’s wrong with you?!”

When people think of the worst case scenarios that could happen in their lives, just the very exercise of calling this forth can be stressful, troubling. 

Why think about that? Don’t we have enough stress as it is, with regular life, not to add in MORE drama and trauma? Jeez, are you trying to bring me down?

But returning and considering my greatest fears, many times now using The Work, has been a way to stop, wait, pause, investigate and actually melt that pain.

Really.

While people had very disturbing worst case scenarios in our group yesterday…..death of those we love, destruction, loss, suicide, trapped…..one brave inquirer focused on losing all possessions, money, assets, and her home.

Can you imagine it?

It’s an alarming idea for many. Owning nothing, having nothing.

Let’s look at a very simple, very painful thought, that appears for so many at some time in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be losing your savings, or house. It may be your marriage, your youth, your family, your sanity, your freedom.

You lost it. 

Is that true?

Yes. I once had a big beautiful house. I once was a child who never worried about money, or body image (which plagued me in my twenties). I once had two young children and an intact family. I once had a leg without huge scars in it from 250 stitches, accidents and cancer. I once had a dad who was alive.

I lost them all.

Can I absolutely know that it’s true, that I lost them? 

No. First of all, I do remember all these things, I remember them before, and after. I feel the joy of having had them, and now, I have something different. I know everything in this entire world is temporary, everything changes. 

Second of all, I’m not sure who the “I” is who lost something. Even if I did know who or what “I” was, I definitely can’t know that “I” lost it.

So how to I react when I think the thought that I lost something, or that I COULD lose something around the next corner?

Sad, terrified, anxious, full of plans, controlling my environment, expending energy on keeping things together. Spending time thinking about losing stuff, distracting myself from believing this, talking myself down.

Quick! Think about something nice!

When I was a little kid of about 8 years old, my dad told me I could think about something pleasant if I woke up having a nightmare. I thought of a dancing ballerina wind-up music jewelry box. 

But it didn’t really work all that well. I’d feel the haunting nightmare over my right shoulder, while staring into the spinning ballerina and hearing the music in my mind, kind of like stuck between the two paradigms. Believing both were possible.

It helped a little. Maybe.

With the thought that loss is possible? Panic. Worry. Sadness.

Who would I be without that thought though? Not as an act of dancing ballerina, but instead seeing this thing full on that I am calling loss: no house anymore, no money, no car, no health, no family. It’s gone.

But I don’t have the thought that it is lost.

I sit for a moment. I watch the mind rattle that idea around. I look around, even right now, typing as rain hits the window pane. The quiet room pulsing with life. Lights, cup, table, fingers.

Without the thought that if something is gone, it MEANS that it is LOST….

….a very small chuckle, a kind of pin prick of light enters in the back of my mind. Sort of behind, from somewhere in the distance, and yet not the distance. A fluttering in the center of my chest. Tears almost choking up into my throat, but they are oddly joyful, a warm buzzing heat through my whole body.

Nothing is lost. 

I found it. 

Could this be as true, or truer? 

Like the moment in the movie Titanic when Leonardo Dicaprio unhooks from the destroyed piece of floating ship raft, and his frozen body sinks and fades into oblivion, into the ocean. Not lost. Found. 

“Nothing ever goes wrong.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

What if all these things lost me?

I try on this turnaround. They lost me. I became unhooked from those stories, I stopped knowing which way was up or down, I fell backwards, I relaxed, I stopped pushing forward, I surrendered, people helped me. 

In that terrible moment of the Worst Case Scenario, how would I know it’s not really the best case scenario? Maybe death, letting go, endings, giving up, hands opening, stopping….maybe these are where we are going anyway, all of us. No choice in the matter. 

All I know is, when I lost my house, my money, most of my possessions….it was a wake up call of a lifetime. It rocked and shook things up so deeply and I came to a fork in the road where I could HATE myself or LOVE myself, and everyone involved. 

I could find fault with others and this situation, and with myself….or not. 

I did The Work, and I couldn’t choose anything but love, or I would have been lying.

Since I “lost” everything, I have gained confidence, clarity, aliveness, energy, freedom, creativity, an inner silence that is unshakable (so far…mostly), and a sense that I can handle just about anything that was never before felt. I have a thriving and growing business doing The Work. I’m writing a book. I have zero debt with the exception of one mortgage, that I’m paying off. 

Would I trade that, for having that house and money that I “lost” back?

No. Thank you.

“That’s why you usually have a good laugh, because you realize that all your struggles were made up. You conjured them up out of nothing–with a thought that was linked to another thought, that was then believed, that linked to another thought that was then believed. But never could it have been true, not for a second could it have actually existed. Not ever could you have actually suffered for a reason that was true–only through an imagination, good, bad, indifferent.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’d like to go on a journey exploring your stories about MONEY starting next week at 5:15 pm-6:45 pm pacific time, join me for an 8 week trip. It may change your entire story. It sure changed mine.

We start 4/16 and end 6/4….but you can keep going after that. 

And the story might get better and better. 

Much love, Grace

You Need Absolutely Nothing–Not Even Workshop Clients

For the past several months, I’ve had more and more inquiries from people about how to run a small business, how to fill events, where to look for clients, or how to get people to enroll in classes.

It’s funny, because one of my immediate thoughts is….you’re asking ME? 

(Picture Robert Dinero saying ‘You talkin’ to me?!’)

Because some things I do are really “successful” as in a workshop with 100+ people enrolled, or an introductory talk somewhere for a whole business organization….

….while other events have very few people signing up and I’ll reschedule them and then suddenly it’s full.

I don’t exactly feel like an expert small business practitioner who knows what works and what doesn’t, if success means many people enrolling in what I’m offering.

This next weekend on my calendar I’ve had my event upcoming that I’ve taught before….only with much more updated material and several new exercises….Horrible Food Wonderful Food.

Because I just taught my Year of Inquiry weekend, or because I’ve been writing so much, I have done very little to promote or talk about Horrible Food Wonderful Food.

And there are only three people registered.

So if you thought I was packing the house with workshop attendees, it’s not true for this one!

These kinds of experiences used to make me imagine different options: I could worry, fret, push harder, regroup, drop the price, beg people to attend.

I could also inquire, deeply.

This inquiry can be done on ANYTHING you think you need more of. Whether clients, participants, money, weight-loss, recognition, attention, support, health, a partner, sex, success of any kind.

I need more.

The wonderful thing is, when I’ve done The Work on this sensation of “needing” something, the freedom to not need at all is magnificent.

And it never has meant that I don’t continue onward and forward, tweaking my business message, learning more about marketing and connecting with the right audience, or being successful in whatever way I’m dreaming of.

Just because you do The Work on needing to change your relationship with food and eating, for example, doesn’t mean that you will conclude that you do NOT need to change a single thing, ever, around food and eating.

If you are upset about weighing a lot you may really feel in your heart that you would feel more physically comfortable at a lighter weight.

That is what is true for you.

So you keep going with understanding your own mind and your own behavior. You watch yourself and see what is happening when you want to eat a lot, or eat when you aren’t hungry, or eat things that make you feel sick later.

What I have found is that being able to identify what I am actually thinking that creates a stressful reaction inside is like finding a golden treasure.

So here I have a weekend workshop apparently scheduled where I support people in examining their stressful relationship with food.

A time to look at food and the “problem” moments.

So now….I have my own “problem” moment. Not with food, but with people not signing up to attend the workshop in the first place.

I can do some investigation on this situation, and find out what I’m really thinking and believing.

Let’s see what happens.

Here we go:

I can see that I do not need customers, or participants. I do not need this workshop to happen this coming weekend. I’m earning enough money. I’m working every day. My business continues to reach the highest levels ever, after a few years now of being in operation. I’m making a difference.

Many people with eating issues can see that they don’t need the food they are craving, or eating, or bingeing on. They can also see that they don’t need to diet.

Yet they recognize that something is calling to them for assistance, for care, for attention.

What could it be?

I get to ask the same questions.

What’s going on with me and not filling this particular workshop? What are the stressful thoughts about it, that I haven’t looked at yet?

  • I’m communicating about this workshop poorly
  • This means I have more to learn–I’m not Miss Expert Workshop Filler
  • I can’t guarantee results for people who DO take the workshop—like weight loss, ending all obsessions and cravings, or eliminating binges forever
  • I can’t entirely explain why I am so free from any food troubles, when I once was a complete wreck
  • I might not be able to help everyone

Wow. As I look at all the thoughts that spill out when I just let them flow, I can see there are some stressful ideas.

I can’t guarantee transformation in the relationship with food and eating for people who are suffering, but I WANT to. 

Is that true?

Yes! Isn’t that the point for people who take any programs, workshops or do sessions with me?

Can I absolutely KNOW that it’s true that guarantees are best? Or that I need to help people?

No.

Even with the teachers I admire very deeply, there are some people who find great transformation and some who feel “meh”.

Sometimes there are lightbulbs that go off with a huge flash, other times it’s little tiny awareness moments.

How do I react when I believe I’m doing something wrong, I need to get a message across, I’m not communicating well, I wish I could fill that workshop, I can’t guarantee results, or I might not be able to help everyone?

Like giving up, or renewing effort in a determined way. Push hard, or draw back. Energy goes either out or in. Pushing. Pulling. It’s stressy.

Who would I be without these kinds of thoughts?

I would continue to love this journey of having a peace beyond anything I could have ever imagined when it comes to food, eating, weight, body image, and being in this body at this size.

But if it’s not for me to share or “teach” this particular weekend, then that’s OK too.

Without these thoughts, I relax instantly. I feel a surge of how fun all this is. I think about working with people individually who are signed up, connecting with them, focusing on them entirely to see what’s underneath their particular story.

This may be more effective for each one of them, who knows.

Without the thoughts that things should go differently than they are in this instance, I start to get excited.

Energy flows in towards me. Instead of me pushing or pulling at the situation.

I feel more creative. I see advantages for no workshop. Maybe there is something else even better that I’ll be doing.

I turn my thoughts around and sit with them, allowing them all to be:

  • I’m communicating about this workshop richly, in ways that are worth riches to myself, to others
  • This means I have more to learn–I’m not Miss Expert Workshop Filler, oh goodie!
  • I can guarantee results for myself teaching my own “life” workshop—like weight loss, ending all obsessions and cravings, or eliminating binges forever…wow, yes
  • I can’t entirely explain why I am so free from any food troubles, when I once was a complete wreck….and that’s good news, it shows I don’t have to know EVERYTHING
  • I might not be able to help myself, so I can ask others

As I sit with these, I realize that I haven’t communicated well to myself about everything inside when it comes to this Horrible Food Wonderful Food workshop.

I discover how I am learning through this process, and have so much unfolding before me when it comes to filling workshops. I am taking classes, talking with experts, in some fantastic mastermind groups, and my business life is blending with my spiritual life in ways I never could have dreamed before.

Wow.

The people who sign up to work with me are serving ME. They are incredible, their questions are perfect, their concerns are so valuable.

I can feel how very well this present moment is. Whether sitting in a room full of people investigating their relationship to food, or sitting in a room alone, on a couch.

“The mind’s job is to do everything it possibly can to hold a stressful belief in place. Because when that belief is held in place, an identity is established. The Work is a way to break that spell. And I don’t say that it WILL break that spell. But if a person really wants to know the truth, a lot can be done to shift that identity, and then reality, totally.” ~ Byron Katie

If I can be of service to you in your journey with food and eating, breaking that spell of craving or obsessing, or ending your plans for the next diet, then write to me at grace@workwithgrace.com.

Who knows if I can or not.

All I know is, if I can have the entry into freedom that I have had, then so can you.

It is possible for everyone, now.

If other people can fill workshops with many, then so can I, and so can you (if that’s what you want).

And here’s the funny thing. There is no workshop necessary and no workshop that needs to be filled, unless there is.

“Stop thinking of achievement of any kind. You are complete here and now, you need absolutely nothing.” ~ Nisargadatta

OK then. I hear the tap tap of fingers on laptop. And laughter bubbling up. The fun of waiting to see what happens. However it goes is fabulous.

Love, Grace

P.S. It hardly needs to be repeated at this point, but just in case–if you’re interested in spending this coming Friday evening with me, all day Saturday and all day Sunday (10 am – 5 pm both days), to deeply investigate what the heck is going on in this horrible wonderful food situation, contact me. My number is 206-650-1230. I’m here to help.