An author and psychologist I admire who has worked with people recovering from addiction for 30 years, Frederick Woolverton, describes any addictive process as an attempt to avoid internal darkness.
I remember Adyashanti saying at a retreat that we’re all addicted to our thinking, we are all Addicts.
We’re all addicted to distracting ourselves, forgetting about ourselves for awhile. To getting away from that pesky dark emptiness we notice.
Yesterday, in the very first Eating Peace session I mentioned a quote by Pema Chodron.
She wrote “never underestimate the urge to bolt.”
OH DEAR.
Wait. Does this mean I have to go towards the darkness? Like, NOT avoid it?
But.
Darkness is scary.
The thing is, it’s actually a lot of work to run from darkness. More work, maybe, than you really know.
Like trying to run from your own shadow on a bright hot summer day out on the pavement…that shadow sticks with you for your every move.
Who would you be without the belief that you need to avoid your dark inner fears, traumas, grief, pain, suffering, sadness, rage?
They might just begin to well up in a deep cathartic and expressive gush….
….rolling right through you.
The good news is that just a drop of Willingness to be aware of what is happening inside of you, of being open to it instead of afraid of it, puts you on the path towards ending the annoying cycle of glimpsing darkness and trying to run away from it.
“Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain…you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain.”~ Eckhart Tolle
It can feel really difficult at first, when the addictive process you’re in doesn’t actually work anymore. When you stop using the substance or pattern, you may feel panicky or raw, or super-hyper sensitive.
Your pain may now be sitting there totally exposed and vulnerable, out in the open.
Other people also might see you looking like you’re having a feeling! A dark one!
But then….without THAT thought that something inside is worthy of running away from, is frightening enough to bolt from, is dangerous enough to avoid….
….truly wow.
It boils inside, it feels like it hurts, but I am nevertheless safe. I am riding this wave of pain or reaction.
It has somewhere to go, and I’m just here along for the ride.
“People who do The Work stop fearing pain. They relax into it. They watch it come and go, and they see that it always comes and goes at the perfect moment.” ~ Byron Katie
I turn the thought around: I don’t need to avoid my fears, worries, dark thoughts, rage, grief, sadness. I need to let them be here, as they are. I need to invite them in, to stay. I need to explore them, talk with them, love them.
I need to stay, not bolt.
That’s the only way anything ever got lighter for me.
Much love, Grace
