Tag: Byron Katie

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How To Practice The Work As Meditation

The first time I ever meditated, it partially drove me crazy and partially thrilled me.

I had to set the alarm to meditate 15 minutes from start to finish, because before using the alarm, I would keep peeking at the clock to see how much time had gone by.

I took a meditation class about 25 years ago. I only showed up once.

And yet, I was quite interested. Someone gave me a book about meditation and its wonders.

I wasn’t sure what the fuss was all about….but I was still curious.

I would decide “I’m going to meditate every morning!” and strangely, never do it. Or do it for a few days, then never again.

It seemed like it would pop right out of my mind, or get stuffed under the rug because other things were more important…like getting kids to school.

I knew I needed support. Just to DO it!

So I registered again for another meditation class, and this time, I went every single week. We meditated for about 30 minutes every time in silence. I always closed my eyes and sat with my classmates in the circle, holding quite still.

I rarely meditated in between classes, but oh, that time in silence during class was peaceful, sometimes full of thinking, curious and frustrating all at once.

After the class was over, can you guess how often I meditated?

Yah, you got it.

Never.

A friend of mine at a party said she was going on a silent meditation retreat. We had our young children, playing in the grass around our feet.

I felt envious.

Dang…I still want to meditate!

I signed up for a different class, and then a retreat with the same teacher where we meditated a whole lot, for two-hour silent sessions several times a day for five days.

After that, for quite some time I meditated an hour a day by myself at home, every morning.

I didn’t question it, or get distracted, or decide it wasn’t important. I never missed my morning sitting.

It’s funny how something interesting and desired can be “hard” to practice if it’s new.

Like a new habit, one day it becomes vital to you. Instead of just thinking about doing it, you do it.

Then you get to see how it really works for YOU. You’re not doing it because you should, or other people think you should, or it’s the right thing to do.

You’re doing it because you love doing it, it fits who you are.

This same thing happened to me with doing The Work of Byron Katie.

At the beginning, after reading Loving What Is….I got up and walked away from my couch after five minutes of trying to answer the questions in a notebook.

There was laundry to do! I don’t have time for this!

Then I went to one evening lecture by Byron Katie in my home town. Then I signed up for a weekend workshop with Katie.

Even though I loved reading Loving What Is and doing The Work in those sessions with Katie, I never seemed to sit down and do it on my own at home.

I finally went to The School for The Work…there wasn’t anyone else offering classes in The Work that I knew of in my city, or practice sessions in The Work (this was almost ten years ago).

The School lasts 9 days, and you do The Work every single day, all day long, with various exercises to help identify your thoughts and investigate your stressful beliefs.

Finally, by doing The Work, I really got the power of The Work.

And guess what happened after I went to The School?

I’d find myself upset, sad, frightened and remember to do The Work…..but not always take the full amount of time out to complete it.

The only way I kept going with it, steadily, was to find partners who would facilitate me and I would facilitate them.

We made appointments.

I had one wonderful partner for two years, every single Monday, and we did The Work for nearly two hours every time we traded facilitations.

The Work, just like meditation (it is actually a form of meditation on the mind and what its doing) is not so easy to begin to do as a practice, if you’re busy living a full life like so many people are.

You may need to get the hang of it before it sticks.

You may need to schedule it in as a top priority, right into your calendar, so you make the time to do it.

That’s what Summer Camp for The Mind is for.

It’s an easy way to begin putting The Work into your schedule, for a fraction of the cost of a full course or individual sessions.

It’s a way to pick a time, just two days per month are necessary (but more are available for no extra charge if you want them).

You call in at the appointed time, for 90 minutes, and the group does The Work.

I’ll facilitate you. You don’t have to do it “right” or know anything fancy.

Experienced people and beginners will all be there, everyone is welcome.

You’ll pick a situation you’ve found uncomfortable, or terrifying, and write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on it (you’ll learn separately all about how to fill this out if you don’t know already) and then we’ll practice The Work.

Like meditation, all you need is willingness, an eagerness to understand yourself, and an open mind.

If I could do this, anyone can. You can too. You can question your mind and change your world.

June Summer Camp starts in two days.

You’ll join an online forum immediately (I’ll set you up in a googlegroup) and then live calls will begin on Monday.

You pick your favorite call-in group: (Monday 4 pm, Tuesday 8 am, or Thursday 9:30 am).

Each group is limited to 20 people maximum live participants. But you can listen to all the groups, all three days, at any time if you are enrolled in Summer Camp.

You only pay $97 for one whole month.

The savings to facilitated inquiry in this unique Summer Camp format is extensive. Normal classes are $395 for two months, and the equivalent fee for solo sessions would be far more.

If you’re ready to give The Work more time in your life in a light, easy way through the summer (like camp!) then Join Me.

Let’s do this together.

I can’t wait to meet you.

To sign up now for June, click here: undefined

To learn more about it, click HERE.

“Do The Work for breakfast” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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Get Over Them Not Getting Over It

Yesterday I was enrolled in an all-day course in Suicide Assessment and Prevention that is required now for my credential of Certified Counselor where I live in Washington state in the USA.

Lucky me, the course was taught by a wonderful friend of mine.

He showed us a film of a therapy session between a very depressed suicidal client and a loving, direct therapist. We saw the whole session in chunks. He’d pause the film for discussion time….then he’d show the next 15 minutes of the session, followed by more discussion.

I had a few thoughts I kept to myself…you’ll see why in a second.

Because now, I get to reveal them to you.

They’re sort of like the sediment at the bottom of a lake, the real drudge of judgment that sits down there that’s childish, mean and nasty.

So there the client was, suffering terribly because her husband had died of cancer. She quit her job to nurse him through it for two years, and then he died four months ago. She was listless, apathetic, weeping, sort-of zombieville, depressed…..obviously in agony.

This little voice in my head, that one on the bottom under water, said “Jeez what a whiner, get over it! You have nothing to live for because one person died? Thousands of people die everyday, get a grip!”

We were then asked to look at our own feelings about the people in the film.

Oh.

Not exactly compassionate. It’s sort of embarrassing. I notice how I want to explain, justify or defend, apologize.

But thoughts like these are some of the best for inquiry.

Maybe you can find a moment when you thought you should have been compassionate and understanding, but you just weren’t.

Instead you were rolling your eyes or whispering under your breath.

She or he should get over it.….is that true?

Yes. Good grief! Get out the violins!

Can you absolutely know its true though, 100%, that right now, right here, that person should SNAP get over it?

No. They aren’t over it. That’s reality. And who am I to say who should or should not be “over” things in their life.

How do you react when you think the thought she (or he) should get over it, get a grip, buck up, pull it together?

I’m very dismissive. I feel like getting away from that person. I want them to STOP crying!

Suddenly I remember my daughter sobbing her eyes out because I gave her hand-me-down clothes to the little neighbor girl.

At that time, my impatience inside was on fire. Twelve years ago…I went into my room and closed the door and hit the bed with my fists.

(Who should snap out of it…ahem?)

So who would you be without the belief that the person in question should get over that issue?

I’d look at them and see a person in great pain. Believing their very difficult thoughts about life, and their circumstances.

I’ve been there.

“It couldn’t be simpler, though people feel that there’s got to be something hidden behind it. It’s user-friendly: what you see is what you get. Whatever happens is good, and if you don’t think so, you can question your mind.” ~ Byron Katie

It doesn’t mean I have to rush in and help, or run away from the scene. Without me having any story, in fact, I take in that person in the film….I take in any person with a heavy, sad, anguished story, including sad daughters for example, and I rest, I relax in their presence.

I hear their sounds, I understand their plight, I breathe deeply, I let them be who they are.

I should get over it.

That’s more true. I should get over them getting over it.

Unclench the fists, quit the attack-on-sobbing philosophy I seem to repeat over and over again.

“Not knowing is true knowledge.” ~ Tao Te Ching #71 

Much love, Grace

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Be Intimate With Those Who Think Badly Of You

Last night the Money class met and we looked at such a simple and very common thought….

….that person should appreciate my work.

There you are, doing what you do to earn money, receive money, or be supported by money, like go to a job, and in the middle of that activity you are not appreciated.

Oh boy. Not only to I “have” to go to this job, but I even have to deal with so-and-so the unappreciative one.

I remember having a job long ago where the person I interacted with the most of all I considered to be harsh, judgmental, critical, fakey, false and needy. She had complained about me and ever since then, I felt like I was in trouble and needed to be vigilant.

Heh heh. She was so upsetting!

It was true!

How did I react when I believed that she was all those things, and totally and completely unappreciative of my work?

I gave her the silent treatment.

Of course, inside, I was scared to death. I felt nervous around her, I wanted to retreat. I was afraid because she had criticized me once in a pretty big way….and it lingered. I thought of her as dangerous. She might hurt me again.

Like a cute little bulldog that would bite my hand off if I reached out to pet it.

But who would I be without that belief that she never appreciated me, or my work, and she should?

Sometimes with this question, people will think….WAIT! I need that thought! Otherwise, I’ll forget, I’ll reach out to pet her, and SNAP, no more hand!

I have found that it’s very stressful to continue to believe you must be cautious and careful.

But it’s not always easy to drop the thought that someone should appreciate you, who doesn’t.

It has a sort of edgy drama that can be dark, secretive, victim-y.

Oh, poor little me, she was such a &@*$% to me, and I will NEVER let her get close EVER and I dare her to try to get close to ME!

I mean, without the thought that she didn’t appreciate me, I couldn’t write my musical drama and perform it every day (on the inside of course) with her playing the villain role, and me playing the heroine.

Sigh.

If I really gave all that up, and imagined what it would be like to be in that person’s presence without the belief that I need her appreciation, ever…..

…..its entirely different, a world apart. Laughing, bouncing, peaceful to the core, imagining new possibilities, noticing so much more in my environment, feeling joy, moving on to other interests, noticing her attributes, her gentleness, how non-threatening she really is.

I feel MORE creative!

Turning the thought around: she should NOT have appreciated my work, in fact, I should have appreciated HER work, and I most of all should have appreciated myself.

Her being who she was offered an invitation to me to speak up, ask for what I wanted, detach (in a good way), simply be myself, express appreciation to her, shift fear into power.

Even though that happened many years ago, in this moment now I am still appreciating that exchange I had with that woman who sparked passion, confusion and clarity in me.

In fact, she helped me take my next steps in the world of work, I was inspired to contemplate myself, to resolve. I became aware of my own insecurity. I became clear about how much appreciation it appeared that I needed at all times in order to feel safe or happy.

No wonder I was so anxious!

Most of all, I loved how in our class last night one wise inquirer commented about this word “appreciation” and how it actually is used in financial terminology all the time.

Appreciation is gaining in value, getting lifted up, lifted higher in worth.

Can I do that for others, and for myself?

Yes.

“If a criticism hurts you, that means you’re defending against it. Your body will let you know very clearly when you’re feeling hurt or defensive. If you don’t pay attention, the feeling rises and becomes anger and attack, in the form of defense or justification….Criticism is an immense gift for those who are interested in self-realization. For those who aren’t, welcome to hell, welcome to being at war with your partner, your neighbors, your children, your boss….until you can be intimate with us however badly we think of you, you Work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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When No One Shows Up, Question Your Thoughts

Breitenbush does still have one cabin (without plumbing) left with two beds. You can register for our workshop and take only one bed, knowing the other may be filled, or find a friend to join us! A very inexpensive way to come to Breitenbush.

These are the last two spots and it’s going to be a fabulous four days of immersion in The Work, the healing summer forest, natural hot springs, and simple delicious food. June 25-29. Call Breitenbush to make your reservation 503-854-7174.

*****

Speaking of workshops, planning, programs and goals….

….just about everyone organizes something for the future fairly regularly in their lives.

A vacation for yourself and a pack of friends, a special trip for you and your partner, a surprise party for your best friend, a fundraiser at your job, signing up for a new class, offering a class yourself, putting on a big event where people will be coming to gather, learn, have fun, find meaning.

The other day, a friend of mine shared how he had decided to have a one-day meditation and movement workshop in his city (which is not mine).

He posted it on facebook, sent emails, prepared folders for people, put up flyers at coffee houses and got excited for this special day…his first workshop offered ever!

The day of the session he arrived very early and prepared the space, setting up a circle of about twenty chairs.

Then he waited, and waited, and waited.

Not one person showed up.

He stayed the entire length of the workshop, sitting quietly even though sometimes, he was panicking. He kept writing down his thoughts, and then answering the four questions.

I’ve had these kinds of thoughts. Ooooh boy, they can be deeply stressful, and they can also be incredible to bring to inquiry.

  • nobody is coming
  • this was a terrible idea
  • no one cares about this topic
  • I’m doing something wrong
  • I’m not good enough

It’s not very difficult for even the most easy-going person to feel embarrassed, or wrong, or very disappointed. Just like if you planned a party, invited people, and nobody showed up.

How do you react when you believe there’s something wrong with you, or you aren’t good enough, or it means no one cares, or you had a terrible idea?

Once I had a “meetup”…that online site where you can create a gathering after registering.

The first one was fantastic, many people came and I was thrilled. I’m not even sure how that happened, how it was so successful, because I didn’t post it anywhere except the meetup site!

So I scheduled another meetup about 3 months later, in a different location. Only 4 people came. One of them said “I love doing The Work, but I’m not in the market for anything where I have to pay, so don’t try to sell me anything.”

Gulp.

Who would you be without the belief that this means something about YOU? And it’s bad?

Here’s what I found, without the thought….and it’s really spectacular news: a feeling of incredible energy and curiosity about what else to do, learning what’s missing, studying how others achieve attendance, learning how to deeply connect with others, serve, make genuine contact.

Now that’s exciting. And has nothing to do with me as a personality.

Let’s turn the thoughts all around:

  • I am coming (I am not nobody)…and everybody is coming
  • this was a fantastic idea
  • everyone cares about this topic
  • I’m doing something right
  • I am good enough

Can you find real, authentic examples of how you know these turnarounds to be true, or truer?

And from this place……the excited, anticipating, joyful, creative place of knowing you have a fantastic idea?

You may find one of my favorite questions for imagining anything coming in the future, that begins with…..HOW?

“How CAN I get this party hoppin’, how CAN I fill this retreat, how CAN I share myself with others, how CAN I learn to do this?”

Because you can, if you want to. You are good enough.

Do The Work, find your answers. No rush, just right timing.

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

I notice every single time there have been fewer people than anticipated for something I help create, there have been beautiful advantages for the exact number actually present.

Great intimacy, silence, trust, peace.

And funny thing….the fewer painful beliefs I have about what should or should not happen with upcoming events….the bigger they become.

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64

Much love, Grace

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The Teacher You Need Is The One You’re Living With

The spring air was sweet, the rhododendrons bursting with ecstatic pink and red colors, the green everywhere all vivid and boisterous.

I went to a special event with my 17 year old daughter where someone showed up in the row in front of us who I went to college with, someone else in the same row recognized me from a long ferry ride six years ago, an old neighbor ran into me at the end in the aisle. I loved being there, the air was happy.

My daughter and I grocery-shopped and exchanged comments on how much we loved that store, everybody smiles there! So homey!

All was well!

Until…

….a little after returning home.

After happily unpacking groceries, checking emails, and doing a few other tasks, I went out to the garage looking for my husband, to say hello and see how his morning went.

When I opened the door of the garage, the loud sound of hockey on the TV, a container of friend chicken mostly eaten, an empty bottle of coke on the desk.

Instant thought: this is a waste of time and health.

Heh heh.

The moment washed through me and left as quick as a flash flood, but I remember a time when I would enter this kind of scene and act like I was under some kind of attack in the middle of a war zone, my judgment and defense was so up.

On the inside of course, I wouldn’t run screaming from the room and hide under a table. But you would think I’d been very seriously threatened, the way I was all fuming up on the inside with anti-TV and anti-junk-food commentary.

Here are some questions to ask yourself, to dissect that irritated moment and look more closely: When you see that situation, why is it bad? What’s wrong with that behavior, that scene, that person doing those things? What’s the worse that could happen, if it continues? What does it mean for you?

In my situation, it meant nothing creative is occurring, health is being jeopardized, time is being “wasted”.

Why should that person change? How would it make your life easier? Don’t immediately feel embarrassed for being selfish or hyper-critical…listen to yourself closely.

Then investigate with The Work.

The lists of needs that people have for their partners can be insanely long. People get really squirrelly about this, like even if they are seeking a mate and they are single.

I need my partner to never waste time, have good taste in music, clothes and art, eat well, maintain excellent health, be patient at all times, be creative, be successful, be wise, wealthy, unusual, spiritual, cutting edge, good conversationalist….you may have your list unconsciously placed in your mind and not even know it.

But that’s what you need…..is it true?

No.

If you answered “yes”, see if it’s absolutely 100% true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

How do you react when you think someone should be like “x” and they are not? Or you can’t even find a person who is “x”?

Annoyed, irritable, fuming, critical and vicious. Maybe even sad, disappointed and isolating.

Once I knew a woman who had complained about her husband for 15 years. Every time I talked with her, she confided in me the same complaint.

He was always passive, not romantic enough, a workaholic, bland and lacked passion.

Who would you be without the thought that the behavior you’re witnessing is bothersome, in any way whatsoever?

Yes, really.

If you never thought that was wrong, a waste, troubling or bad…for you or for them.

Pretty amazing, pretty fun. No need to control, harp, get upset, and a lightness within, a return to your own inner self.

Without the thought, I get to come back to me and simply see what I prefer in this moment. I don’t need to make anyone agree with me, I just move out of the room, or the thoughts unravel themselves and I notice how fun this game is, how playful the atmosphere.

Turning the thought around…

My thinking is a waste of time and health, not his behavior.

Yikes!

“The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~ Byron Katie

The thing is, I can love with all my heart, and it doesn’t mean I need to watch hockey. But if I do, I could be surprised and curious, and enjoy it or learn something new.

Without any time and joy-wasting thoughts that I need to see certain qualities (or, I demand certain qualities) the freedom is so immense, it’s incredible.

I give up the imaginary person and notice the real one instead.

The real husband in my particular situation is one of the most happy, loving, joyful, accepting, wise people I’ve ever known. And he shows me what playing, relaxing and being looks like.

“Sanity doesn’t suffer, ever. A clear mind is beautiful and sees only its own reflection. It bows in humility to itself; it falls at its own feet. It doesn’t add anything or subtract anything; it simply knows the difference between what’s real and what’s not. And because of this, danger isn’t a possibility.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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When You Think You Don’t Have Enough Money

One of my favorite topics for The Work has been Money.

So many thoughts about money, so many sticky areas of concern, so many feelings about buying, selling, getting, accumulating, or losing money.

Many of the beliefs we have about money are like broken records, repeating themselves over and over, and we don’t even realize it.

Well, I sure didn’t realize it.

The beliefs went by so fast and were so nerve-wracking, my usual way was to ignore, avoid and not get involved with money if at all possible. I didn’t really like even noticing my beliefs. They were so stressful!

Trouble is, when you ignore an uncomfortable situation….it tends to build up and get more pronounced over time.

So when I found myself about to lose my home to foreclosure, out of work, unexpectedly divorced, without health insurance, and unable to pay for my children’s music lessons any longer (in fact, they went on the reduced lunch program at school for families with low income)….

….I HAD to look at my beliefs about money.

It all began with one.

I don’t have enough money.

Now, it’s helpful to review with yourself what you don’t have enough money for. You probably have enough money to eat, have a home, sleep, drink water, get your basic needs met.

Maybe you couldn’t buy that car for sale down the block, maybe you can’t go shopping this afternoon and buy lots of clothes. Or maybe you don’t have enough money for guaranteed security, in case something happens? Medical fees in case you have some, later?

Or maybe you don’t have enough money to keep your house, or to stay home instead of going to work at a job you don’t like that much.

So once you see what you don’t have enough money for….

….hold your disappointment and your situation vividly in your mind and answer the four questions.

I don’t have enough money (in my case, to pay off my entire house loan).

Is that true?

Yes, it’s a fact. It’s absolutely true.

But notice how quickly there’s an emotional reaction….it will always be true, this is terrible, I’m stuck, I hate debts and this mortgage is a big one, I HAFTA get more money, this is urgent, I’ll work harder.

Worry, worry. Push, push. Harder, harder!

For some people, this can get exhausting.

So who would you be without the thought? Without the belief that right now you don’t have enough money?

Look around wherever you are, noticing your environment. See if you’re safe, comfortable, supported.

I notice I am.

It’s even exciting, to feel what it’s like without that belief that there’s not enough of something. To trust this moment, not by thinking positively but by actually noticing what is here, right now, in the present.

Turn the thought around: I do have enough money.

It’s so easy for me to see. I have enough to be here in this house right now (even though I owe money on it). I love living here. Every month I send extra to the mortgage company. I’m paying the most I can. It’s actually fun, it’s a game. The balance drops lower every time I open a statement.

Another turnaround: I don’t have enough of myself….and neither does money. 

Yes…..I see how in the past I haven’t shared myself, I’ve been self-critical, I haven’t been a very nice companion to myself, and I haven’t been very kind to money. I’ve yelled at it for leaving me. I’ve felt both inferior and superior to those other people who have a lot of it, or none of it.

I’ve avoided learning about money, I’ve gasped at items that cost huge amounts of money, I’ve been hyper-worried about money, I’ve been disrespectful towards money.

Kinda love/hate.

After that work on money, I began to make friends with money and to trust that I had just the right amount of it at any given moment.

Funny, money comes around more since I started being such a good friend to it, and to myself.

“I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what e-mails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. We’ll do some good, awesome work on Money and other concerns in Summer Camp for anyone who wants! June, July and August…come one, come all if you’d like to join with me and fellow inquiring travelers for 1, 2 or 3 months of fun, diving into all kinds of investigations on painful beliefs we carry. More on Summer Camp soon!

 

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Hurting And Not Hurting Flow Together

Yesterday I had to lie flat on my bed all afternoon, taking ibuprofen (anti-inflammatory pain pills).

Remember the right hamstring story from six months ago?

Well, even if you don’t….this lower right back hamstring nerve area was hurting, the place I tore last year followed by surgery. I tweaked it dancing recently. Again.

Rats. There is nothing good about this! Fist shaking at the sky!

This is definitely a problem!!

Doing The Work on physical ailments can be really amazing. Let’s go for it!

Is it true that this is bad, I hate the pain, nothing good can come of it? Is it true that it hurts?

Yes. I can still feel it now, what are you talking about…is it true.Jeez.

But can you absolutely know that this is a bad situation, a situation to hate, a problem, a difficulty…that this really does hurt?

No.

I worked with clients, answered emails, even had an awesome session with a beautiful inquirer who always devotes two hours to her work, and my back and hamstring never crossed my mind during any of these activities or interactions.

How do I react when I don’t like the physical sensation I feel?

I clutch against it. I think about the future and how it will get worse. I think things like “I have to stop dancing, I can’t bike, I can’t run, I’m aging, this is getting worse, there is no way for this to go but downhill, I’ll be dealing with this forever until I’m dead.”

I get pictures of my mom and her own back issues and want to interview her about exactly every minutia of experience she’s had, what she did, how I can short cut the process to No Pain.

I react also by ignoring the pain. Pain, what pain? Who cares?

So who would you be without the thought that this is wrong, difficult, bad, that I’m against this sensation? Without the thought that I hurt?

“You put someone that understands the mind in a cell and lock the door and tell them that they’re never going to be released and that’s it for life……and if they love everything they think, then they really are experiencing gratitude. If they don’t love what they think, it’s a torture chamber.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought, I notice a very strong sensation, tingling, I want to either lie still or shift around. I notice I forget about it as the mind becomes interested in other things, the room gets fuller, then the attention towards this area becomes more acute again.

I feel pressure, like a rock with sharp edges, stuck in my lower right back. I think of calling the doctor, or calling the physical therapist….maybe I do.

Without the thought that this is a grave, serious, terrible, difficult or annoying situation (this could apply to any situation, right?) then I am simply here, living this experience.

“It’s amazing to see what we end up doing with our Will. We actually assert our will in opposition to the flow of life. If something happens that we don’t like, we resist it. But since what we’re resisting has already taken place, what good is it to resist?…It does not do anything to the reality of that situation.” ~ Michael Singer

Turning the thought around: this is a wonderful situation, it doesn’t hurt. 

This is not denial, it’s actually playing with the awareness of all things, all sides….entering non-duality.

Yesterday, I lay in bed and did The Work with others for 7 hours. I had breaks, I wrote, I got up and ate a delicious orange and leftover pizza. I talked with my funny and beautiful daughter.

How spectacular to notice that even though it hurts, it also doesn’t hurt.

Much love, Grace

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Find Your Invincible Summer

Many people have been writing to me about Summer Camp for The Mind 2014……A Space Odyssey.

Just kidding about the Space Odyssey part! (Sort of!)

Because actually….being with the mind is often like entering a huge infinite space.

There are so many thoughts, perceptions, and constant incoming data and sensations all day long. The mind is logging events, information, words, pictures, feelings, ideas, assumptions, conclusions, doubts.

Trouble is…..space feels sometimes frightening (sometimes absolutely terrifying) and sometimes joyfully and wildly expansive.

But I love that venturing into this crazy frontier only needs to happen one thought at a time.

Like a meditation practice, I can sit, inquire, ponder the silence and enter the place where maybe, just maybe, its OK to Not Know.

A most wonderful, simple, step-by-step way to enter the space of the mind, full of freedom and possibilities, and love….through inquiry.

That’s what we’ll do in Summer Camp.

Here’s how Summer Camp for The Mind will work in a nutshell:

  • There will be several live dial-in options to call and do The Work with a small group of inquirers. You can be in the working hot seat, share your own answers as the inquiry progresses, or choose to listen only.
  • All calls will be recorded so if you miss, you can listen later.
  • Everyone will have access to a totally private membership site to share their work, answers, questions, comments.
  • Some live telecalls will address very common underlying beliefs. Come with an open mind, ready for exploration. You may find unexpected lightness by the end of inquiry.
  • Flat fee of $97 per month for June, July and August, you can come and go as you please. Sign up or opt-out any time.
  • Telecall times are Tuesday mornings, Thursday later mornings, and Monday late afternoons all Pacific Time. Call when it’s best for you and enter the peace of inquiry.
I’m offering Summer Camp For The Mind for you if you’re ready to try group calls without long-term commitment, if you’re interested in Year Of Inquiry but want a “taste” first of how it feels, or if you’re ready to put self-inquiry into deeper practice in your life.
Because….I didn’t do The Work once and have fireworks go off and never need or want to do it again.
Not at all. Like meditation, this has been a glorious, ongoing, steady practice.
The more I’ve played in inquiry, the easier life has become. Or, was life already easy…and I just didn’t see it that way, yet?
“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” ~ Albert Camus

I would love for you to join me in exploring your own invincible summer. We start online on Sunday, June 1st, and the first telecall is Monday, June 2rd. We’ll camp all summer until the end of August.

Exact telecall dates are HERE. Seven Monday late afternoons, seven Tuesday mornings, seven Thursday later mornings, all Pacific Time.

“This work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself. Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down or hopeless you think you are…” ~ Byron Katie

If you’ve had trouble staying steady for a period of time in inquiry. Join a tribe of fascinating fellow-investigators.

Can’t wait to meet you.

Much love, Grace

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That Thought Is But A Dream

The other morning I woke up with a vivid dream in my mind. It wasn’t even real, it was a dream.

But I felt sad.

In the dream, I stopped by the home of very, very dear friends who I haven’t been in contact with for several years. It was a home I spent lots and lots of time in for about 5-6 years when my son was first born. My son is now about to turn 20.

They gave me a tour of their home in the dream. It had been remodeled multiple times, holding more and more rooms. I asked my friends questions, and they politely answered, but I kinda got the feeling like they were wondering why the heck I stopped by.

They weren’t welcoming. More like….why are you here, and when are you leaving, and we aren’t that interested.

I felt embarrassed.

AND IT WAS A DREAM!

Kind of amazing to think about that….the reaction doesn’t care if it was “real” or “imagined”.

For the next few hours I thought about those old friends who I dearly loved, who supported me in many ways back then….feeling gratitude, and regret, and loss, and appreciation all mixed up together….and then the thought hit me:

I’m horrible at maintaining friendships.

I work too much, I get too focused and passionate, I’m obsessive, I’m intense, I’m introverted, I have an attachment disorder, look at all the people I once was close with who are now not in my life! OMG!

Ha ha! When I thought that, I almost burst out laughing.

The mind will run through all kinds of possibilities, in fact EVERY possibility you can think of, with great dramatic flair.

Well, OK,  this mind apparently does that.

Giving this kind of dramatic personal thought respectful consideration can be profoundly eye-opening with The Work.

Is it true that there is something wrong with my ability to connect, to have friendships, or that they might not be interested (God forbid)?

Yes. I isolate. I’m very one-track minded. I’m like a dog with a bone. I’m not very expressive. I don’t try very hard. I like the Cone of Silence too much. And they aren’t interested, or they would have called me.

What personality trait do YOU have, that you criticize yourself for having?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true there’s something wrong with you? That the way it goes for you is not good? That being that way creates loss, or difficulty, for others (or for you)?

No. I can’t know that. Sigh.

How do you react when you list your faults? Or even believe one of them is true?

Must. Get. Rid. Of. Defect.

I “work” on myself.

When that doesn’t work, I get depressive, discouraged, unforgiving…..sad.

But who would you be without believing the thought that you’re horrible at something, that you’re too “x” or not enough “y”?

“If you wish to be fully alive, you must develop a sense of perspective. Life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you.” ~ Tony De Mello

Oh, you mean….remember that IT WAS A DREAM?

Turning the thoughts around, I am fabulous at maintaining friendships. Gosh…I even dream about them 15 years later! I remember some people, then I forget, then I remember, and I feel such gratitude. I feel my heart warming up and delighting in how fun they were.

I am this kind of personality, sort of, apparently…and that changes and morphs and I’m not really sure. I’m the opposite of everything I think; extroverted, unfocused, easy-going, attached and a great friend.

All I know is, doing The Work makes this all funny, innocent, curious, weird, in-explainable, fascinating.

“Stories are the untested, uninvestigated theories that tell us what all these things mean. We don’t even realize that they’re just theories.” ~ Byron Katie

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream.

That thought is but a dream! DOH! I get it!

Much love, Grace

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Give Everything Up, Be Hopeless, Be Given Everything

Update on Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat June 25-29: For those of you still wishing you could come and thought there was no hope, there are a few spots left for lodging, if you’re open to sharing (very inexpensive that way):

There is a female dorm bed still free, one entire cabin available after all, without plumbing (they are very cute, cozy and private and bath facilities are a short walk away), and one free bed inside a cabin with plumbing that is occupied by a woman who is enrolled already (open to female roommate).

Our workshop only can fit two more in our gorgeous Forest Shelter meeting house….so call Breitenbush soon if you’re ready to go for it.

This is a marvelous, sincere group of truly amazing inquirers, and we have fabulous exercises planned to create an incredible opportunity for you to free yourself, literally, from your troubled thinking.

If you’ve struggled with inquiry, feeling at war….and ready to declare peace on an important situation, join us. Why not now? We can’t wait to meet everyone. Call 503-854-7174.

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Speaking of No Hope…..or Hope…..the experience of being with or without it is extremely powerful.

Every human has times of hopelessness, and times of great hope.

But it’s a tricky concept, the idea of hopefulness or hopelessness. Because it can set you off into the future very, very easily, or into the past with the blink of an eye (the blink of a thought).

Here’s what I mean.

I’m going about my day, living my life, moving from here to there. This is the present, what is happening. And inside my head there are thoughts flashing, pictures of what could be, or what was.

When a difficult or scary thing occurs, the natural experience of the mind, projecting into the future, is to prefer to avoid it repeating.

I hope that won’t ever happen again.

When a wonderful thing happens, or you hear an enticing story filled with good news, your mind naturally wants to generate that story for itself.

I hope that happens to me, I hope I can do that!

There are also reflections the mind has of the past and what should have happened or should NOT have happened, that can never be rewound, never re-lived, never a do-over.

Totally hopeless.

The thing is, you know when you’re going off into a stressful land of stories when you feel anxious, worried, sad, despairing, or unhappy about any event, whether you hope for it or hope against it.

The most simple thing to do then, I have found, is inquiry.

“This situation is hopeless” (and I am so disappointed, regretful, horrified, sad).

Is it true?

Yes. I thought I was going on that retreat, that adventure, I thought I would have succeeded with “x” by now, I thought I’d be with that person, I didn’t think I’d lose, I can’t figure it out, I failed, I can’t….

Are you sure?

No. I’m never sure. I know things can change at any moment. But careful now. Notice the ease with which the mind could slip into hoping and grabbing on and pushing forward, without rest.

How do you react when you think your situation is hopeless, and this is a terrible thing?

Rage, fury, depression, sinking into inaction, mute… OR running as fast as I can even though the timer already went off, the race is finished.

But who would you be without the thought that this hopeless situation is terrible, horrifying or eternally dark? Without the thought that you HAVE to get back to HOPING, or else?

Without the thought that all is hopeless is bad, hopeful is good….I notice something gently opens right here, in the middle of this hopeless situation.

I notice I’m alive, breathing, and there is something more here, present, without thought. Something that has nothing to do with THINKING.

How funny!

I turn the thought around: this situation is hopeless, and that is really, truly OK. All is well. No trying, manipulating, pushing, lashing out. 

Wow. Maybe there is something beyond me, beyond my own thoughts. Perhaps reality has other ideas besides the ones I myself think are best. Maybe rest is here, and love, and support.

Even out in the desert with no water left and only a few more breaths before death.

“When you’re having a relatively pleasant dream, you don’t mind so much dreaming on. But when your dream turns into a nightmare then you REALLY want to awaken from that, when you can’t stand it. That’s what happened to me. It drove me almost to suicide….When I was a child, my pain body grew very quickly…. But if this had not been the case, I would have never awakened. So retrospectively, one is grateful for one’s suffering, because eventually suffering will wake you up.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Welcome all hope being lost….and doing nothing. The greatest surrender.

“When the ancient masters say ‘If you want to be given everything, give everything up’ they weren’t using empty phrases. Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.” ~ Tao Te Ching #22

Much love, Grace