Tag: Byron Katie

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Being With Byron Katie in Seattle this summer

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Join Us for Being With Byron Katie via internet in Seattle…July 11-14, 2015

Have you ever sent out party invitations….and you weren’t sure who was able to come?

That’s how I felt when I first knew I wanted to gather with a whole handful of inquirers….people who love The Work and love self-inquiry….

….and watch Byron Katie on the big screen, bringing her amazing process known as The Work to life in her unique and dynamic way.

Katie’s facilitation of The Work is deep, and she’s been at it for over 30 years.

Every time I listen to Katie and watch her work with people, I learn something new. I laugh, I shake my head, I’m so moved.

She’s hilarious and direct—and now in her 70s, still leading workshops and retreats around the world.

“Being With Byron Katie” is an event happening this summer in Switzerland. We’re going to participate all the way from Seattle.

You are invited to watch it via the internet with me in Seattle, in a gorgeous lodge, at the very same time (9 hours delay) July 10-14.

I sent out the invitation….and so many people are coming! I’m thrilled!

The three private bedrooms in the lodge are spoken for. However, anyone who wishes can spend the night on a cot or mattress for $10. Sleepover! All inquirers welcome!

There’s space for commuters, and it’s only $165 for four days….attending the entire event (you’re welcome to arrive Friday night July 10th). This will be a fantastic opportunity to watch Katie conduct an entire 4 day event for a fraction of the usual fee.

The group gathering here will be a beautiful mix of people: certified facilitators (you can meet us!) and many lovers of The Work. Candidates in the Certification program and the Institute for The Work can earn 24 credits.

We will enjoy watching Katie, sharing insights, using the gorgeous kitchen facilities (we’ll share potluck lunch together for everyone who wishes) and we’ll hold one silent meditation session per day between lunch and the afternoon session with Katie.

This will be a time of community and learning, insight and love.

I would love you to join me at my special gathering for The Work with Katie herself via internet, and share in the peace movement.

Bedrooms are all reserved, but you may spend the night on really comfortable queen sized mattresses provided by the lodge. You’ll receive a separate bill if you’re staying overnight.

We’ll be located in Kenmore. Most people will commute and attend without spending the night.

We’re getting full, the group is spectacular. We’ll have a wonderful time together. There are a whole lotta people able to come!

Join us! Click here to register. Maximum 24 people.

Much love, Grace

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Whether You Like It Or Not

Lately I have been working with some individuals on very deeply painful past memories and experiences.

These are situations that disrupted these peoples’ lives, maybe for years.

But what a striking thing to question….

….this very idea that those things in the past affected my whole life, and they shouldn’t have.

What if they should have?

What if the way it went, and the way it has been this morning, is actually OK?

The mind will say “NOOOOOOO!!! It is NOT OK the way it is. It must be different!”

I found my own mind concerned with the idea that so many people are suffering.

So sad. So difficult. So terrible. So many voices crying in the wilderness of life.

But without this belief?

Woah.

So funny.

Noticing it doesn’t matter whether I like it or not….

….or that even these people like or don’t like the way it went.

It’s like this, then like that.

That’s the way it rolls out.

All that can happen is questioning, remembering, being with All This no matter how I feel or think about it.

Whoever “I” is.

Noticing things that happened once, are over.

And suddenly, remembering this…..I feel as free as a bird flying high in the sky. Singing!

“Nobody has the power to allow this moment. The good news is that this moment is already allowed to be exactly as it is, whether ‘you’ like it or not. True freedom lies nowhere else but in the ‘suchness’ of this moment, the fragrance of the here and now.” ~ Jeff Foster

Much love, Grace

P.S. People are registering for Being With Byron Katie–we will have such a wonderful group July 11-14 right here in Seattle. Check it out, it will be a truly great summer communion with facilitators of The Work and other fantastic inquirers.

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When Taxes Hurt….Stop It

gimmemoneyYesterday I had to write a check to pay taxes here in the USA.

I didn’t like it.

At least that’s what one voice was shouting in the corner.

Like a crazy Gollum character…..

“Noooooo! Don’t write that check! OMG she’s doing it! Help! This is a disaster! Someone stop her!!”

The check was accompanying my first ever “extension” form to the IRS.

As in, the first time I was not able to complete my taxes successfully by the April 15th deadline.

I’m turning everything in, for the first time, to an accounting firm.

I’ve always done all my taxes by myself. With Turbo Tax online for the past decade, and on paper before that.

I also generally worked for other companies, or had one side part-time business that didn’t make much extra money, or usually LOST money after expenses.

But now, I work for myself full time.

And I’ve done better and better and gotten completely out of debt and have hours and hours of experience working with groups and people and making my work more refined and more productive and farther reaching and of greater benefit to people.

Forever expanding. So far. For now.

But then….taxes! ARGHHHHGGHHHG!

Those greedy bas*&$*s!!

(Picture a bunch of official government-looking people drinking coffee in offices, waiting for my check).

I had to laugh….finding myself with such thoughts.

Because I have no idea what or who the receivers of the tax checks look like, and I’ve agreed by living here in this country to pay the government a percentage of my earnings.

As The Work worked me (I didn’t even write anything down on paper, yet) I noticed walking to the store that I had the thought….

….I appreciate this road.

Roads are built with taxes.

I appreciate the sidewalk, the traffic lights, the electricity running overhead. I appreciate the bridge, the fire station and the city hall right across the street. Those were all built starting with taxes.

I suddenly remembered one of my first bosses, a long time ago.

He was a small business owner with five employees, and used to be the head of a huge corporation’s Operations department. This was his second year out on his own as a private consultant. He was an expert at what he did, and I worked for him as a general administrative assistant.

I remember helping him gather tax documentation together.

With a fine toothed comb, he wanted to go through every transaction that was international and make sure it was put on a separate list so it was not included in taxes. He would have called them the same name I was saying in my own head.

I remember all those years ago thinking “what a cheapskate, jeez!”

Boom.

No more separation from him. I joined with him, 30 years later from the future (which is now) with understanding and compassion.

The urge to want to keep, hoard, protect and never lose anything is weird but not uncommon…..

…..especially with MONEY!

I notice I can make a big fat story out of it being better to keep andworse to give away and not have.

Who would I be without that story?

Wow.

Almost giddy, really.

Its a joyful lack of fear, and excited willingness and eagerness to give, to offer, to allow money to come and go and depart and return.

Like sitting near a river watching it flow on by, not trying to do anything about it, not trying to save it up or go find containers to put it in, or build a dam, or drink lots of water right now because there won’t be any later.

None of that is on my mind next to the river.

I listen, I relax, I’m still.

Having fun paying taxes.

“Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others–with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.” ~ Adyashanti

It dawned on me in this act of writing a check I felt uncomfortable writing that I was treating the tax payment itself, money, the people at the IRS, the government, and myself….

….all without compassion.

So I stopped.

Much love, Grace

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Think It Should Be Different? You Lose.

flowerbudByron Katie has a funny demonstration she offers from time to time to an audience about forcing something, or wishing for something, before its ready, before it ever happens.

She turns to the vase next to her chair, often filled with gorgeous colorful flowers….

….and she takes one stalk out of the vase, a closed bud, and holds it in front of her looking directly at it.

“OPEN!” she says with intensity.

“I SAID OPEN!” she repeats again.

The audience chuckles.

“OPEN NOW!!!!!!”

All of us in the audience laugh uproariously as we realize the way our minds and thoughts do this constantly, all day long, in many situations.

Arguing with what is….wishing it would go differently, faster, better.

Katie is speaking to a powerful idea that nothing can come before its time.

There is a natural order of things.

Seed, gestation, bud, bloom, decay, decomposition.

Everything flows forward, then disappears.

There is not even a guarantee of how it “normally” turns out, if there is a normal and if there’s a common way of it. There are exceptions to every normal.

Sometimes the process of life blooming, then fading back….

….ends just after the gestation period, or the bud dies before blossoming.

Humans die as babies, I notice. As children, I notice. At all ages.

Anywhere along the way, something might happen to stop the direction, or change the course of events.

So there we are, demanding, yelling, having a tantrum about the state of affairs. Shouting until we’re blue in the face.

Having a hissy fit about that person, this condition, our possessions, our situation, even our states of peace or enlightenment!

Not good enough! Not THERE yet!

And our yelling will never do anything. Ever.

“Argue with reality, and you lose….but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

The bud stays closed until time, light, life force all come together in the perfect moment for it to open up.

It has very little to do with what we want, or don’t want.

Have you noticed?

Wait….you mean if I want a younger, unhurt body that’s not going through menopause….or to have a million bucks in my savings account…..or to be more successful in my career….or to already have published my book….or my dad to be alive….

….I might be setting myself up for suffering?

Yup.

Who would you be without your story?

Laughing, I bet.

Much love, Grace

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When Someone Asks An Annoying Question

Three summer events you may want to join (and one coolio event in the works on money which will be by donation).

Two are in-person retreats and one is Summer Camp For The Mind, an intensive series of tele sessions you can join EVERY WEEK DAY from July 6-August 7 for one fee ($197). Summer Camp is 5 weeks 5 days per week–you join when its convenient for you, every day meets at a different time of day to accommodate any time zone.

Even if you only came once per week to Summer Camp, you’d have 5 weeks of inquiry-jams to deeply investigate your stressful beliefs…about anything.

In-person summer retreats in the northwest are Breitenbush Hot Springs Resort June 24-28 and Being With Byron Katie July 11-14.

I would love to meet you!

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The other day, someone called me to ask me if they could work with me one-on-one.

Yes, I do solo sessions.

But back to the request of this person who called.

Kind of like my mom or a close friend might be, they said….”You got a minute right now to facilitate me?” on voicemail.

askquestionowl
I have a question. Can you answer honestly?

I almost guffawed.

Does this person think I’m just….available? Like, NOW?

If they only knew.

But I noticed an old familiar kind of retarded stressful thought I’ve questioned a few times about far more stressful issues: that person shouldn’t have asked.

Not like THAT.

Interesting idea on my part.

Why should they not ask like that?

Really? Like they should know my schedule, or that I sometimes don’t even feel I have time to call people back just to respond to messages and requests for a day or two?

We did a bigger version of this same type of they-shouldn’t-ask stressful-thinking during Year of Inquiry last week.

Someone is applying “pressure” trying to get you to do something, trying to talk you into saying “yes” when you feel “no”. They feel demanding, they don’t like you declining. You feel uncomfortable seconds after the request is made.

Many people noticed this gets REALLY uncomfortable around sex.

Or money.

Yikes.

These are situations that have fairly big consequences.

Although….look at my teensy tiny situation where I had a flash of a thought that this person was off-base to even ask if I was available right now. Stress still appeared even in this minor situation.

Who would you be without the belief they shouldn’t ask?

I notice when I’m without that belief, everyone’s able to ask everything and anything they want, ANY TIME. I can respond, with total honesty.

And if I can’t…..

……as in I can’t say “no” just as freely and easily as the people who are asking me for something…..

……then I get to inquire further, at a deeper level.

Because THAT is the REAL issue.

It’s in the pain experienced through these types of thoughts (the ones you have underneath the idea this person shouldn’t ask).

It would be rude to say no. They won’t like my answer. I don’t want to explain myself. That other asking person and I are separate. They don’t get me or my life. 

They might reject me, get upset, use force, hurt me, feel frustrated or depressed.

But then, who would you be without the belief you’re responsible for their feelings?

Or that any of these things (rejection, etc) are so horrible to experience?

I’m serious!

What if people could just have the reactions they have about my “no”?

And I remained patient, connected, open, and caring about them, about me?

It might take some time to hash out. There may be discussion required.

For the record, whenever I have said “no” after all those years of imagining the worst….no one has even come close.

Kinda funny.

Turning it all around: questions can be asked, by anyone, and answers freely given, by anyone.

Experiment.

Try saying “no”. Try saying “I was surprised when you asked me that because _______ and I appreciate you wanting to make a connection.”

Try saying “When people ask me what you just asked, I feel nervous. I’m afraid it means ______.” Or “when you ask me that, I want you to know I care about you and the answer is no.”

It may be so much fun, and so much more simple than you ever thought, it becomes just as fabulous as saying yes.

At the end of our Year of Inquiry call….I made a suggestion that I learned from other teachers in the past.

Role play you saying “no” or saying “I feel uncertain when you ask this” or “I have a few questions first” or “it’s not possible for me to do that.”

Ask people to ask you things you’re normally really PISSED OFF at being asked.

You may notice, with the practice, you blame others less.

“If you believe anyone’s action is bad, how can you see the good in it? How can you see the good that comes out of it, maybe years later? If you see anyone as bad, how can you understand that we are all created equal? We’re all teachers by the way we live….A mind that doesn’t question its judgments makes the world very small and dangerous.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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When Some Urgency Comes About What’s Needed

So I’m riding my bike yesterday in the glorious spring afternoon, red tulips and yellow daffodils blooming in people’s gardens, the beautiful river I live near swirling slowly along with ducks floating and bright green grass on its banks.

This gorgeous bike trail is smooth pavement, winding between tall poplar trees in straight lines, then pine trees and back yards, then out in the open along the river again.

A whole system of thought enters.

What am I doing here.

Kinda like the opening of Birdman. 

Even though, when you think about it, I could be in a scene from a beautiful movie–and it’s where I actually live.

The thought started with something about the future, my youngest child leaving home in a year.

Mind running, as fast as this bike is moving.

I could hit the road and leave everything and everyone behind! Empty nest!

I could travel the world on a solo journey. I could go stay with Pema Chodron in her monastery for awhile. I could go to Bali and study some kind of exotic yoga. I could see weird and strange sights on this planet.

Let’s see….how much can I charge for rent for my cottage? I wonder what the neighbors pay for their home, I know they rent. I’ll copy that amount.

I really gotta get outta here, change it up, see the world.

I have limited time left. Things are declining body-wise. I’ll exit my primary relationship and ditch it all for a WalkAbout.

Ha ha!

Earlier in the very same day, I’m guiding people in the Desire Course to question what they think is the problem that comes between them and what they desire….and identify what they really want to feel.

Ooops, I almost forgot.

*Ping*!

Right there on the bicycle, seeing my shadow in the sun (wow!) watching a blue heron fly low and then land in the river, I notice who I would be without my thoughts of escape.

I chuckle, noticing how much I love that escape story.

That story where you change everything and everyone in your world and go on an adventure.

Don’t we love it? Bilbo Baggins takes off into the wild blue yonder.

But who would you be without that story (but only the parts where you think you’re trapped)?

Without the story that it’s required, in order to be happy?

It doesn’t mean I don’t go on adventures….it’s noticing I don’t have to. I’m not stuck. And this is it.

THIS is an adventure. Right here.

Even sitting writing this Grace Note, feeling the words pour forward, reflecting on how funny that thing was on the bike trail that went on an imaginary adventure away from the present moment.

Noticing I returned, I felt something watching and laughing at the mixture of ideas.

Coming back to the trail, the front bike wheel, the old woman with gray hair on her bicycle too, the eagle soaring above, the wind on my face, the man’s voice talking on his cell phone, twisting fast past the couple with the baby stroller, the thoughts swirling as much as the river, undulating and moving along, moving along.

Jesus was lost in his love for God.
His donkey was drunk with barley. 

Drink from the presence of saints,
not from those other jars. 

Every object, every being,
is a jar full of delight. 

Be a conoisseur,
and taste with caution. 

Any wine will get you high.
Judge like a king, and choose the purest, 

the ones unadulterated with fear,
or some urgency about “what’s needed.” 

Drink the wine that moves you
as a camel moves when it’s been untied,

and is just ambling about.

~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

P.S. Breitenbush Retreat June 24-28 is filling quickly and early bird rate ends April 30th. Being With Byron Katie retreat July 11-14 is also beginning to fill (we will all watch Katie together here in Seattle all the way from Switzerland via internet). Register for either one if you want to make sure you’ve got space, especially good accommodations. Visit www.workwithgrace.com to find more information about either one!

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Changing Your Beliefs About Your Failure

I’ll be doing a live google hangout on Sunday, April 19th at 9:00 – 10:30 am Pacific Time. Come join me for a wonderful time–I can’t wait to meet you and support you in questioning your thoughts and lightening up your life. There is no charge for this event.

Join on April 19th by clicking HERE. You may want to make sure you have a google account (it’s free) to make access super easy.

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Have you ever noticed a whole belief system running in your mind that feels like a dark storm?

I can’t do it. I can’t make it. I failed. It’s over. This is terrible. I lost. It’s no use. I don’t know how. I’ll never get what I want.

Have you ever experienced a big blow in your life….

….or a series of disappointments….

….and found a voice in your head saying thoughts like these, maybe over and over again?

How do you feel about desiring things, moving towards something, having dreams and visions…..and maybe not achieving it, or getting to where you’d like to be?

Phew. It’s rough.

The thing is….

….you can question your thinking when it comes to “failure” and investigate to see if what’s going on in your mind is really, really true.

Questioning with an open, curious mind can bring you not just relief, but the incredible perspective of the turnarounds, and actually living with the OPPOSITE of what you’re thinking when you’re in that dark place.

Not long ago, an acquaintance of mine graduated from a program in mental health with her master’s degree. She had loved being in a high-level educational program, she was doing something she had dreamed of for years.

She rented an office downtown and hung her shingle up “Open For Business!”

And waited for new clients.

And waited.

And waited.

Then she had one person come, for two sessions. But the new client didn’t return.

She waited again.

So she gathered her forces together and advertised, made flyers, went to networking meetings and furiously applied her former PR skills to getting clients.

But things limped along, very slowly.

I offered to facilitate her in doing The Work, but she didn’t know me very well and said “no, I just need to hammer away at this.”

I couldn’t help notice the words “hammer away at this”.

It reminded me of myself, pushing hard, running hard, tackling something I wanted to gain with a lot of worry, energy and intensity.

Doing The Work can save a lot of time, energy, busy-ness and action.

Here’s how.

While this acquaintance didn’t choose to do The Work, like I said…..it reminded me of me.

First question: Is it true, what you’re thinking?

Oh. What did you say?

I was too busy ruminating, seeing pictures of terrible things happening, and feeling anxious.

What did you say again?

Oh! Is it TRUE?

Huh. Wow. Well, heck! Not really. I have no idea!

How do you react when you think these thoughts of failure? Even potential failure?

What does it feel like when you’re not getting where you want, what you want, who you want, or how you want it?

You may have the same reaction as the woman I mentioned…..you might hunker down and “hammer” away at the problem.

You might get really disciplined and full of striving and struggle and effort.

When I had no money left and watched my bank account empty and then go into debt, I began to react by thinking these same kinds of thoughts, and then I thought maybe its better to be dead.

Really, it was that harsh and black.

Then I did The Work, thank goodness!

So…who would you be without these despairing, negative, frightening thoughts?

What if you used your imagination to see a new way, without these thoughts, rather than seeing the sky falling like Chicken Little?

Turning the thoughts around:

I can do it. I am doing it. I am making it. I am succeeding. It’s just beginning. This is wonderful. I’m winning. It’s of use. I don’t know how (yay!) or I do know how. I’ll always get what I ultimately want.

This is not to be full of fluffy bunny positive affirmations.

This is deeply considering the benefits of what has occurred, and waiting, noticing, opening and being with joy and love instead of disappointment and hate.

I noticed for myself that I was still alive!

I noticed I was going through something incredibly wild, but actually my little cottage was quiet, beautiful and nurturing. The lights were still on. The phone still worked. The water was still connected. There was still gas in my car. The garbage company still came to pick up my garbage.

I also remember I had a picture of me telling my story of losing all my money one day, and giving other people hope to keep breathing and question their beliefs through a terribly difficult period.

I saw benefits for what was going on with lack of clients and lack of money. I noticed my dive into “no money” generated passion, power, huge energy within me…..I wasn’t so quick to give up or not bother.

I also became willing to question OTHER stressful thoughts like that I was too shy or introverted to be able to succeed in my own business.

Or not good enough to really be effective in life.

Who would you be without your story of self-criticism, judgment and doubt?

“When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. Therefore the Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn’t possess, acts but doesn’t expect. When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever.” ~ Tao Te Ching #2

Much love, Grace

P.S. September 2015 Year of Inquiry mastermind group begins. An awesome journey with awesome people, inquiring together. For 3 weeks in every month, 3 times every week, you can dial-in with a fabulous group of inquirers and do your work. There’s nothing like the power of group support and connecting for becoming curious, open-minded, and finding the shifts of un-believing that you so desire in your life. Freedom. Registration opens soon!

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The Purpose of Life Is Happiness

happyheartsSo many questions about the Desire virtual class starting Thursday.

You may find answers by clicking right HERE.

In a nutshell, each class you will log-in (and dial-in using your phone or skype) to a webinar and follow along in exercises geared entirely towards:

a) identifying what you’re lacking in important areas of your life

b) noticing what does work in these areas, even if very small

c) burning your stressful beliefs by questioning them

d) naming and claiming your own personal core desired feelings–the living turnarounds–in these same areas you care about the most

I’ve loved doing this work myself and found it sooooo affirming.

Ready to sign up now? [rps-paypal]

I’ve identified what I really thought I wanted, what felt desirable, in many areas of my life.

I’ve wondered openly what I would have, if I attained my greatest desire.

In the end, it’s usually some kind of feeling….safety, happiness, excitement, ease.

What is it you desire? What do you think you’d have, if you got it?

Are you sure you can’t feel this now, in the present….without attaining that great desire, that condition, that person, that object?

We’ll question our stressful stories around moving towards what we think we want. We’ll do this together in the class, I’ll guide you through.

After doing this work (combining the Work of Byron Katie and desire mapping and exploring feelings) I’ve landed….for now….on my own core desired feelings:

Amazon, Luxurious, Mystic, Serenity

Just saying these words feels creative, delicious, and like powerful medicine personal to my path.

As I do The Work of Byron Katie, when I arrive in the turnarounds, the opposites to my stressful thoughts (the last step in The Work) I can call in these feelings, these words, and imagine how I would live if I felt these feelings.

Some examples.

I notice I desire time, insight, being of service, and freedom from dread—instead, joy.

So what do I perceive is NOT working when it comes to time, insight, being of service and freedom from dread?

Well! Glad you asked!

Time: I don’t have enough. 

Insight: I need more time with my teachers and books.

Being of service: I could reach more people.

Freedom from dread: Life seems like more fun without dreading something in the future (ha ha!)

I start with the one on top of the list: I NEED MORE TIME.

I get a good solid sense of a situation in which I believed this to be very true.

Yah, I got it. Yesterday when I had to pick up my kid unexpectedly right in the middle of rush hour traffic, right in the middle of recording my podcast.

I need more time!!

I take this situation through inquiry.

Is it true that I need more time?

Yes Yes Yes.

Absolutely?

Uhm. Well. No.

How do I react when I believe I need more time?

Frustrated, tight, clenched, small.

Who would you be without the belief you need more time?

Wow, in that moment? Hmmmm.

I’d be freely moving from microphone, into car holding keys, wearing my cute slippers, heading out to the school. Break time. Time to talk with my kid. Listening to 3 messages from one of closest friends in the world. Breathing deeply. Relaxed.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need more time. I have ENOUGH time.

Can I find real examples, genuine examples, of how this could be just as true…..or truer?

Well….one of the most important things in my life are my kids and spending time with them, and that’s what I get to do when I pick her up. It doesn’t even have to be long, it only takes 20 minutes door-to-school-to-door.

I also notice I’m not dying today (I know that’s dramatic, but its an example)!

I also have enough time because I am not a special case–I get just the right amount of time for me–not unlike many other humans.

I have enough time to buy groceries, get gas, work out at the gym, read books, write these Grace Notes, work with clients, create classes, facilitate retreats, do interviews, record podcasts, watch Birdman last week (won best picture), work with deeply important spiritual teachers, go out to lunch with a colleague, and meditate.

And that’s only starters.

What if I felt amazon, luxurious, mystic and serenity when it comes to time?

Ha ha! *AWESOME!*

Waaaaaaayyyyy different than powerless, scarce, tiny and frustrated.

Nice turnaround to live, these beautiful feelings I identified for myself.

You can do this too.

You can zone in on the unique feelings you celebrate, honor and love to experience when you turn your stressful thoughts around.

Come find out how on Thursday….join us!

If you can’t because you’re in an alternate time zone, or you’re scheduled, don’t worry.

This means its not right for right now.

You can follow the process I just outlined and find your core desired feelings, and your stressful beliefs about why you can’t get there, and take your beliefs to inquiry using the four questions.

I know you can do it.

“I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.  From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering.  Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this.  From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment.  I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves.  Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” ~ Dalai Lama

Love, Grace

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Miraculous Powers of Thought

The other day I was connecting with people online in a webinar about “desire” and questioning stressful beliefs that arise about everything we desire.

One of the first written exercises during the webinar was to think about areas of life I suggested (there were five) and then notice what you’re grateful for that already exists in these areas.

Someone wrote in the Q & A a great and very honest question:

What if I’m not grateful for anything in this area of my life?

What a powerful question….and so great to admit because often, there’s a voice that shouts “You should be grateful! Look at what you have compared to the poor people in Africa! Just to live in this society you’re in the top 8% in the world for resources, quit complaining!”

If you’re ordering yourself to have grateful thoughts, think positively, tell yourself affirmations, or STOP thinking about the terrible dreaded thing that happened…..

…..you might find yourself failing. Miserably.

And then feeling even worse.

So let’s say you’ve been having an extremely hard time with food and eating (as many of you may know, my story is recovery from bulimia and anorexia and horrible relationship with eating).

Or how about money….that’s another hot topic for pain, difficulty and despair around not having enough.

You’re unhappy with your body or your eating, you’re unhappy with the low level of money you have…..

…..and its a long, long way to gratitude.

So why not go ahead and give the upset voice the floor.

Let it speak.

Perhaps it’s shouting for some good reason, some important reason.

The reality is, that voice appears to be upset….and you can fortunately do The Work when a feeling of upset, dread, scarcity or unhappiness comes over you.

It clears the air, on your way to gratitude (without TRYING to get to gratitude, so don’t even think about getting there until you do).

Where to begin with letting that upset voice speak?

Write down what’s wrong with your situation. Write only one thing. To keep it sharply simple.

I am upset with my financial situation because: I can’t pay my rent.

Now answer….why is THAT upsetting? What does it mean about you that you can’t pay your rent?

I have no support. I’ll have no place to live. I’m a loser. I’m doing something wrong. I’m dependent. I’m missing something other people are not missing. I’m a taker not a giver.

What about food and eating….what’s upsetting about this dynamic?

I am upset with the way I eat because: I’m too preoccupied with food.

Why are you upset about being too preoccupied with food?

I’m too heavy. I hurt myself. I can’t control my feelings. I’m unattractive. I’m wasting my life. I can’t get close to people.

Take a moment to sit with why these things upsetting, let your most painful thinking spill out onto paper.

Write it down.

I’m doing something wrong. I’m missing something other people aren’t missing. I’m too anxious, angry, sad. People dislike me. I’m not strong enough.

These thoughts are your keys to inquiry.

Ask yourself the four questions, or have someone facilitate you.

Only question one belief. Not all of them at once.

Example:

There’s something wrong with me.

Take this thought through self-inquiry. Answer all the questions, no matter what you say for any answer. Keep going!

Here are the questions:

  • Is this thought you’re thinking…..true?
  • Can you absolutely know this thought is true?
  • How do you react, what happens, when you have this thought running through your head?
  • Who would you be in this situation without this belief? Use your imagination…what would it be like for you to not have the thought?
  • What’s the opposite? Could this be just as true, or truer? What’s an example?

Look around the room you’re in. Feel your body. Who are you, just being right in the moment, without thinking “Jesus, you need to fix this, because there really is something wrong.”

This really can clear the air, but it takes a moment in time to look. It takes your creativity. It takes believing your own mind can be used to see in a new way (it can).

It takes the conviction that your thinking is very powerful and your thoughts create your feelings and your experience of reality (it appears they do).

Who would you be without the belief you’re doing something wrong, or missing something here?

When it comes to money, or eating….or finding a mate, or succeeding, or producing, or changing, or doing that thing?

If you feel you’ve made many mistakes, or the situations you’ve been in are insurmountable, or success is too difficult, or freedom appears impossible….

….keep holding still with the idea of who you are without your thought!

Use your imagination!

What if you turned your thoughts around about money, or eating (or whatever else you’ve found difficult)?

There is nothing wrong with me. There is something wrong with my thinking (and maybe not even that). There is something right with me.

See what you can find that’s genuinely true for you.

I found when I did The Work on my money situation I noticed I wasn’t lying in a ditch starving. I was eligible for food stamps but actually didn’t wind up using them (I apparently had enough). I had a roof over my head. I liked the beautiful color of the carpet on the floor in my cottage.

I was sitting still, which was relaxing. I didn’t work 12 hours a day, in fact I hardly worked at all and recognized the freedom in having zero possessions. I had time to read. I had friends, connections, family. My car worked.

My mind was not completely insane–it got frantic with worry, but it wasn’t so crazed I needed to go to the loony bin. I could take a deep breath. I had a great resume. I was willing. I knew a lot about some things. I could be useful, I could vacuum my own house (I had a vacuum, and a house).

I knew other people who had recovered from terrible eating disorders. I didn’t binge 24 hours a day, there were lots of spaces of emptiness, including at night when I slept. I was born with a mind and body just like everyone else. It was humanly possible to overcome adversity and addiction. I had heard many success stories, and I was a human.

I was capable of reading and learning and even when I didn’t or wouldn’t, and I noticed these activities weren’t required for peace. I could just sit here and be someone who wasn’t doing anything. There wasn’t wrongness inherently in me being here. My heart was still beating, my lungs expanding and contracting. My blood pumping.

Who would you be without believing your stressful story?

I notice the more I ask myself this question, and then answer it….

….the more grateful I am.

“Desire can produce a universe; its powers are miraculous. Just as a small matchstick can set a huge forest on fire, so does a desire light the fires of manifestation. The very purpose of creation is the fulfillment of desire…..But just as a sleeping man forgets all and wakes up for another day, or he dies and emerges into another life, so do the worlds of desire and fear dissolve and disappear. Being nothing, I am all. Everything is me, everything is mine.” ~ Nisargadatta

I desire something, I do The Work, I find relief, I find joy in this present moment, right here.

Paradoxically, the joy felt now brings me closer to what I desired in the first place….balance, peace, simplicity.

It may not look the way I expected, or have unfolded the way I wanted on MY personal time line, the focus is freedom in the seeing, without the problem-oriented mind dominating everything.

No expectation for what will happen tomorrow, but I know if I begin to suffer, I have The Work to do….

….and take myself back to freedom of feeling clear, of feeling good.

This coming Thursday begins a 6 week journey in exploring Desire, discovering what’s really true and what our feelings are, and investigating deeply the powerful thoughts that come between us and what we need in order to be truly happy.

We’ll have a webinar every week, with slides to watch….the opportunity to journal, ask questions, identify what you don’t like, return to your feeling of allowing what is (even loving what is without forcing it).

You’ll get to look at five important life areas: livelihood, relationships, body/health, learning, and spirituality.

You’ll get to see what it is you really want….

….not focusing so much on the details, but instead the feelings of your true nature in every area.

(It looks like joy or peace or both).

Even if joining the class isn’t your thing then watching where you enter a war with reality, with what’s happened in your life, is the best place to start.

Question your thinking, change your world.

Love, Grace

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Eating Peace: One Key Hidden Mistaken Belief That Feeds Compulsion

There is one really powerful, deep, intense and VERY stressful belief system that often remains hidden when it comes to food and eating….

….or any compulsive behavior.

But it’s a biggie for those who eat compulsively or secretly.

It’s called Attack of The Self.

Watch here and find out how I handle it, and work with this system of thinking the self is wrong, bad, missing something, or stupid to have this problem called overeating, or binge-eating, or compulsive self-starvation.

I’d love to hear your comments.

Much love, and lots of peace,

Grace