Missing Real Life By Trying To Achieve Something

There is nothing like a group to encourage, celebrate, learn, connect, and challenge your personal perceptions of the world.

The group doesn’t have to be big.

The group can even be a group of two.

But that contact with another serves as one of the most incredible opportunities for juicy, visceral awakening to who you are that is possible.

This past week I got to be with incredible people from several countries and continents, in two different groups.

The first? We were all gathered around big round tables with white table cloths in a conference room at a hotel. Food, hot drink, kind faces, people sharing.

The second? People sitting close on couches and soft chairs in a living room, tea mugs nearby, food on the kitchen island. People sharing.

The first was for business leadership, the second for spiritual leadership. Me being a leader in my own life.

And yet, not so much. 

More like learning to STOP leading!

Here’s why:

As I sat in the company of other amazing people, I became aware of how little I can manage, how there is nothing really necessary to do, and how much the thought “I have to achieve something”all by myself has been stressful.

Let’s take a look with The Work.

Have you ever had the belief that you need to achieve, build, create, go for something, get something, understand, accomplish, manage, attend to, grow, win?

Most people have.

There are books written on how to accomplish and build, on how to win. Including spiritual awareness or enlightenment. Definitely on business.

But it is really true?

Are you sure you need to plan, control, manage, drive or build something?

Yes! I say yes! I need to work at it! Give myself pep talks (or get them from other people)!

Go Go Go! Success is coming!

However, can I really know it’s absolutely true that I need to lead? That I really do need to achieve something?

Not at all. Not when I think about it.

Nothing really has to be done or accomplished…at least not by me.

The groups prove it.

I get this body, called Grace, over to that location where there’s been an agreed-upon time and we all connect, listen, contemplate and feel alive together.

Sometimes there’s aggravation with others, or one other person…oh good. Inquiry time.

Sometimes there’s a feeling of great unity and joy.

But all that’s required is being there and noticing, watching the mind have its opinions about where or what you’re supposed to be.

Who would I be without the thought that I need to achieve something, soon, or tomorrow, or yesterday?

Without the thought that I need to be something bigger and better than I am?

Completely and totally free.

“If you are content with being nobody in particular, content not to stand out, you align yourself with the power of the universe. What looks like weakness to the ego is in fact the only true strength. This spiritual truth is diametrically opposed to the values of our contemporary culture and the way it conditions people to behave.” ~ Eckhart Tolle 

I turn the thought around: I do NOT need to achieve anything. I do not need to be better, more improved, or different than I am. 

Wow. Could that be true?

Because what I notice is that achievement happens, I grow, leadership gets developed, learning and connections occur.

“The miracle of love comes to you in the presence of the uninterpreted moment. If you are mentally somewhere else, you miss real life.” ~ Byron Katie

I adore showing up to hang with other people. I love them all, the new friends and the old.

Together, we all do, say, think, feel, live.

Joy!

Nothing required. Imagine that.

With love, Grace

P.S. If you’re wanting a group to journey with for a whole year in self-inquiry using The Work then join us on Fridays, March 7, 2014 – February 2015. We dive in, get to know each other deeply, and live honestly. It’s wonderful.

 

Hiya Hiya! Crack The Whip!

There are 13 books piled on my bed next to me, some open, some closed with bookmarks, the laptop with a document for notes and then a word document for final curriculum both open, plus another pdf I’ve been reading from a different author.

I’ve been working for 3 hours without really moving. I see emails come in a scan them if they’re quick, and reply.

My daughter comes into the house and calls “Hi mom!” and I exit the bedroom, needing a stretch break. She brings in the mail…more items to take care of.

I’m thinking….quick quick quick. I’ll get back there in a few minutes and get somewhere, continue.

Oh, and dishes. And laundry and more Holds to pick up from the library that I NEED (these things I happen to need help with right now due to crutches situation) and some necessary groceries.

The ticker tape spins. Just a little too fast now.

You know that To-Do Voice that sees what needs to get done and then realizes with fury that it can not be done, will not get done. I may have to drop what I’m working on and get to the other thing.

Quick, you only have 1 hour 45 minutes until the next class!!

Hiya! Hiya!!!! (That’s supposed to be the sound of a rider with a whip trying to get his horse to go As Fast As Possible.)

Stop.

Is it true that there is too much, and it will never get done, and that I neeeeeeeeeeed to get it done, and that there’s not enough time, and, and, and….?

No.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

The feeling inside is frantic buzzing across the chest and in the throat. Not breathing deeply. Mad. Ignoring other interests. Sort of irritable with the phone ringing.

Stop.

Who would I be without the thought that something needs to happen here that hasn’t happened yet? That something needs to get done?

Without any thought of this at all. Like I’m visiting from another planet….and my space ship leave in 1 hour 45 minutes. I’m here to look around.

Nothing to Get Done.

Nothing to complete, wrap up, finish, push, force.

I turn the thoughts around: I do NOT need to keep going, or get this done. I have unlimited time.  

Almost unbelievable. But this is playing in duality, leaning over into the opposite of the way my mind is running.

Yes. I can drop whatever task it is that I am attached to. I can move with the flow. Relax.

“There’s no merit gained through wasted effort, through excess struggle. There are no merit points for the people who drove themselves the craziest along the way to self-realization. For most people it’s so obscure that it seems very intuitive to grasp and to struggle instead of relaxing, not grasping, letting something come to you, letting the truth of your being reveal itself to you on its terms, in its way, letting it happen…..It will happen. It’s always happening. It’s always trying to show itself.” ~ Adyashanti

Relaxing, not grasping, letting it come to me?

Letting the day, the pace of all this, this person here now, noticing a clock, and time, and tasks….letting it all be the way it is. Nothing required.

Taking a very deep breath. Hearing my daughter pick up the ukelele and sing.

“There’s a perfect order running. I’m a lover of what is. Who would I be without my story? Without my story, in this very moment, is where God and I are one. There’s no separation, no decision or fear in it. It just knows. And that’s who we are without our plans.” ~ Byron Katie

Love,  Grace

 

 

Should You Be There By Now?

The difference between looking at your life in a macro, high altitude what-is-the-meaning-of-my-life way, and looking at it in the day-to-day buy-groceries-do-the-laundry way can feel huge.

Since I was on “spiritual” retreat lately I spent time contemplating the great question “who am I?”

I also contemplated my writing and how much longer it was going to take to finish my book on ending disordered eating and addiction with self-inquiry.

Which I thought would be done by now.

It’s like my mind would pop over to the issue of when, how and where I would fit in time to get crackin’ at that project and FINISH it.

Some of my retreat companions had the same ideas about enlightenment.

They thought they’d be “awake” by now, given all their study of consciousness over many years.

That’s a funny and insidious little thought, that something should have happened by now that hasn’t actually happened yet.

  • I should have found a life partner by now
  • I should have lost weight by now
  • I should be over my addictive thinking by now
  • I should have made a coupla million by now
  • I should have discovered by perfect career by now
  • I should be famous by now
  • I should be enlightened by now

Even if you don’t believe it entirely, it can still be somewhat annoying just noticing that you aren’t quite where you thought you might be.

Not there yet.

I remember learning math in grade school and the idea that you can keep dividing a number by another number and although it gets close to zero, it never actually gets to zero.

How irritating!

The funny thing is….not ever getting there seems to be the way of life.

Even recognizing this, it’s so much fun to do The Work on some goal that is particularly irksome to you personally.

That thing you’re reaching for, that seems elusive or Not Quite It yet.

“I should be there by now”.

Is it true?

Yes! If I had pulled it together, completed the book proposal, and sent it out, then I’d be a) making more money, b) published, which I foresaw in myself since age 18, and c) able to finally rest.

The goal would be complete. I’d have cooked that one. I’d feel proud, accomplished, happy.

But can you absolutely know that it’s true that you should have that thing, be done with that project, have it done, be there? Are you sure it would mean you could finally rest?

Hmmm. Seems like it would be nice. Seems like it would be pleasant to stop the seeking, moving, forward motion, examination, reaching for that.

Yet I can’t absolutely KNOW that it’s true that if I DID complete this thing, that if it WAS finished, that I would be happy, resolved, secure, satisfied.

I might feel settled or thrilled for a few minutes, and then have new ideas.

That’s happened before.

So….no. I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that I should have that or be there by now.

How do you react when you believe you should have done that, said that, arrived there, finished that by now?

Discouraged. Hopeless. Applying MORE energy and intensity. Wondering what’s missing. Ready to drive harder. Or else give up in despair.

With the thought, the mind races. Gets a bigger plan. Figures out a new approach. Regroups. Can’t rest.

With the thought, I’m aware of time passing. Hurry hurry hurry!

Ack. It’s very tiring.

So who would you be without the thought that you should have that, be there, or done that by now?

Without the thought that you should have finished that book, or gotten married, or had a kid, or finished your degree, or built a business empire, or become enlightened?

Suddenly, without those kinds of thoughts, there is this moment here, unfinished, not quite done yet, but all just fine.

I hear sounds, see this room, feel the temperature, notice this body, feel the pulse of being alive.

I have images in my mind of all these hopes, dreams, accomplishments, realized goals…..and this unfinished, open, infinite, wild moment of NOW.

Without the thought of the sadness of unfinished goals, there is empty space and quiet and somehow, inexplicably…there is joy. Right here.

  • I should NOT have found a life partner by now
  • I should NOT have lost weight by now
  • I should NOT be over my addictive thinking by now
  • I should NOT have made a coupla million by now
  • I should NOT have discovered by perfect career by now
  • I should NOT be famous by now
  • I should NOT be enlightened by now

How could this be as true, or truer, than thinking I should have made it by now?

How is it awesome, fabulous and exciting that I haven’t achieved these things, completed it, finished it, gotten over it, made it?

“As long as we think there is something to get (or something we’ve gotten that we need to hold onto, or identify with, or remain ever-mindful of), we will suffer. When it is recognized that there is literally nothing to get and no one to get it, that is freedom.” ~ Joan Tollifson

I love noticing that being here now without thinking that I know what’s best for me is so sweet, mysterious, and strange.

When I’m the ruler of the universe about what I should have by now (whatever that is) then I get very tense.

When I find advantages for NOT having it yet, whatever I think “it” is, then the journey is so exciting.

Like Dorothy on the yellow brick road, like the middle of the Lord of The Rings, like all epic tales, the adventure continues.

Without suffering.

“The reason that you are here, wherever here is for you, is because it is the only place that you can be right now.” ~ Adyashanti

Without the thought that I should have done that by now, I can finally rest.

Much love, Grace