Grace Notes

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When Taxes Hurt….Stop It

gimmemoneyYesterday I had to write a check to pay taxes here in the USA.

I didn’t like it.

At least that’s what one voice was shouting in the corner.

Like a crazy Gollum character…..

“Noooooo! Don’t write that check! OMG she’s doing it! Help! This is a disaster! Someone stop her!!”

The check was accompanying my first ever “extension” form to the IRS.

As in, the first time I was not able to complete my taxes successfully by the April 15th deadline.

I’m turning everything in, for the first time, to an accounting firm.

I’ve always done all my taxes by myself. With Turbo Tax online for the past decade, and on paper before that.

I also generally worked for other companies, or had one side part-time business that didn’t make much extra money, or usually LOST money after expenses.

But now, I work for myself full time.

And I’ve done better and better and gotten completely out of debt and have hours and hours of experience working with groups and people and making my work more refined and more productive and farther reaching and of greater benefit to people.

Forever expanding. So far. For now.

But then….taxes! ARGHHHHGGHHHG!

Those greedy bas*&$*s!!

(Picture a bunch of official government-looking people drinking coffee in offices, waiting for my check).

I had to laugh….finding myself with such thoughts.

Because I have no idea what or who the receivers of the tax checks look like, and I’ve agreed by living here in this country to pay the government a percentage of my earnings.

As The Work worked me (I didn’t even write anything down on paper, yet) I noticed walking to the store that I had the thought….

….I appreciate this road.

Roads are built with taxes.

I appreciate the sidewalk, the traffic lights, the electricity running overhead. I appreciate the bridge, the fire station and the city hall right across the street. Those were all built starting with taxes.

I suddenly remembered one of my first bosses, a long time ago.

He was a small business owner with five employees, and used to be the head of a huge corporation’s Operations department. This was his second year out on his own as a private consultant. He was an expert at what he did, and I worked for him as a general administrative assistant.

I remember helping him gather tax documentation together.

With a fine toothed comb, he wanted to go through every transaction that was international and make sure it was put on a separate list so it was not included in taxes. He would have called them the same name I was saying in my own head.

I remember all those years ago thinking “what a cheapskate, jeez!”

Boom.

No more separation from him. I joined with him, 30 years later from the future (which is now) with understanding and compassion.

The urge to want to keep, hoard, protect and never lose anything is weird but not uncommon…..

…..especially with MONEY!

I notice I can make a big fat story out of it being better to keep andworse to give away and not have.

Who would I be without that story?

Wow.

Almost giddy, really.

Its a joyful lack of fear, and excited willingness and eagerness to give, to offer, to allow money to come and go and depart and return.

Like sitting near a river watching it flow on by, not trying to do anything about it, not trying to save it up or go find containers to put it in, or build a dam, or drink lots of water right now because there won’t be any later.

None of that is on my mind next to the river.

I listen, I relax, I’m still.

Having fun paying taxes.

“Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others–with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.” ~ Adyashanti

It dawned on me in this act of writing a check I felt uncomfortable writing that I was treating the tax payment itself, money, the people at the IRS, the government, and myself….

….all without compassion.

So I stopped.

Much love, Grace

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Think It Should Be Different? You Lose.

flowerbudByron Katie has a funny demonstration she offers from time to time to an audience about forcing something, or wishing for something, before its ready, before it ever happens.

She turns to the vase next to her chair, often filled with gorgeous colorful flowers….

….and she takes one stalk out of the vase, a closed bud, and holds it in front of her looking directly at it.

“OPEN!” she says with intensity.

“I SAID OPEN!” she repeats again.

The audience chuckles.

“OPEN NOW!!!!!!”

All of us in the audience laugh uproariously as we realize the way our minds and thoughts do this constantly, all day long, in many situations.

Arguing with what is….wishing it would go differently, faster, better.

Katie is speaking to a powerful idea that nothing can come before its time.

There is a natural order of things.

Seed, gestation, bud, bloom, decay, decomposition.

Everything flows forward, then disappears.

There is not even a guarantee of how it “normally” turns out, if there is a normal and if there’s a common way of it. There are exceptions to every normal.

Sometimes the process of life blooming, then fading back….

….ends just after the gestation period, or the bud dies before blossoming.

Humans die as babies, I notice. As children, I notice. At all ages.

Anywhere along the way, something might happen to stop the direction, or change the course of events.

So there we are, demanding, yelling, having a tantrum about the state of affairs. Shouting until we’re blue in the face.

Having a hissy fit about that person, this condition, our possessions, our situation, even our states of peace or enlightenment!

Not good enough! Not THERE yet!

And our yelling will never do anything. Ever.

“Argue with reality, and you lose….but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

The bud stays closed until time, light, life force all come together in the perfect moment for it to open up.

It has very little to do with what we want, or don’t want.

Have you noticed?

Wait….you mean if I want a younger, unhurt body that’s not going through menopause….or to have a million bucks in my savings account…..or to be more successful in my career….or to already have published my book….or my dad to be alive….

….I might be setting myself up for suffering?

Yup.

Who would you be without your story?

Laughing, I bet.

Much love, Grace

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Upset? Come Closer!

grief

Yesterday in the Parenting telecourse we looked at a common idea so profound, it happens many times in life between people….

….not just parents and children.

That person is making me upset.

They are running things, ruling the roost, bossing me around, pushing me to do something, making me feel nervous, confusing me, aggravating me, hurting my feelings, disturbing my peace, not doing what I want them to do!

In some ways…..all the stressful beliefs about any other people I’ve ever known have been related to these thoughts.

The person is being themselves….whether age two or age 82…..and I have to “deal” with them.

If only they’d change.

This is a big fat hassle.

I have to put up with this??!

That person’s behavior scared me, hurt me, saddened me (or even made me happy—sometimes, even THAT thought is stressful).

Who would you be without the belief that the person you’re thinking of is the cause of your stress?

Who would you be without the thought that they can disturb your inner peace?

A mother called me once with a deeply painful situation for her work.

Her son, a teenager, had gone missing on an international backpacking journey. She had seen him head down the trail, and that’s the last time she ever saw him. Police, investigators, a complete change of their situation from “vacation” to horrifying experience of loss and tragedy.

He was eventually assumed to have died.

The rage, grief and sadness felt unbearable.

Who would she be without the belief that he caused this agony, he triggered it, or that someone or something was to blame?

Wow.

It’s very hard to find, when you’ve been in the midst of trauma.

The mind wants answers. It wants to know who or what is the culprit.

Sometimes, it’s even “God” or the universe, source, reality.

It is against me. 

But without that belief….

….dropping below or under or back behind that belief….

….feeling what it’s like without THINKING about the difficult situation, without remembering the event that created pain in your life….

….who would you actually be?

I see pictures of those situations I believed hurt me. Sometimes badly.

My good friend who reported me to authorities for a deep and bizarre misunderstanding. My former husband requesting divorce. My father dying long ago. The pregnancy I aborted. My leg getting badly injured. Having a cancer diagnosis. Losing almost all the money I had.

I am hurt by these things….I was hurt by these things.

Is it true?

YES.

Are you positive these were harmful? That these events shouldn’t have happened? That you’re damaged because of them? That you have to “deal” with the repercussions in a distressing way?

YES. I am sure!! Then….a tiny iota of doubt enters.

I notice I’m breathing. I notice I’ve come a long way since any of these things happened. I notice when I’ve done the work on these people, these events, I have a new and different view.

I’ve been surprised some benefits exist that caused yet other things to occur, including me to wake up to what I really wanted, or what I was committed to.

I notice every time….not ALMOST every time….but EVERY time….

….that I am OK at the very least, but often actually better off than before this thing happened or I encountered this person.

I am changed for the better because of knowing this difficult person, or situation.

Without my thinking, I am not only OK….I am hearing silence in this moment, noticing my aliveness, connected to those who are gone, being with this body and feeling the temporariness of all of life.

This is the way of it.

Things change. Things are only here for a little while.

“The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it. It’s like sitting down at night and deciding whether you want the sun to come up in the morning. The bottom line is, the sun will come up and the sun will go down. You can think about it all you want, but life is still going to keep on happening….This world is unfolding and really has very little to do with you or your thoughts. It was here long before you came, and it will be here long after you leave.” ~ Michael Singer

Even these extremely painful situations.

They come and go, they pass….and for some reason loss, trauma, and death appear to exist, whether I think about it or not.

And so does life.

“We all face loss–that is the way–but if we can turn towards our loss, and listen to it, and stare it in the face, then it may reveal hidden gold, and we may end up seeing ourselves and out loved ones reflected more clearly than ever. Grief is only love in a strange disguise, and it constantly invites us to come closer…and closer still…” ~ Jeff Foster

Much love, Grace

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When Someone Asks An Annoying Question

Three summer events you may want to join (and one coolio event in the works on money which will be by donation).

Two are in-person retreats and one is Summer Camp For The Mind, an intensive series of tele sessions you can join EVERY WEEK DAY from July 6-August 7 for one fee ($197). Summer Camp is 5 weeks 5 days per week–you join when its convenient for you, every day meets at a different time of day to accommodate any time zone.

Even if you only came once per week to Summer Camp, you’d have 5 weeks of inquiry-jams to deeply investigate your stressful beliefs…about anything.

In-person summer retreats in the northwest are Breitenbush Hot Springs Resort June 24-28 and Being With Byron Katie July 11-14.

I would love to meet you!

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The other day, someone called me to ask me if they could work with me one-on-one.

Yes, I do solo sessions.

But back to the request of this person who called.

Kind of like my mom or a close friend might be, they said….”You got a minute right now to facilitate me?” on voicemail.

askquestionowl
I have a question. Can you answer honestly?

I almost guffawed.

Does this person think I’m just….available? Like, NOW?

If they only knew.

But I noticed an old familiar kind of retarded stressful thought I’ve questioned a few times about far more stressful issues: that person shouldn’t have asked.

Not like THAT.

Interesting idea on my part.

Why should they not ask like that?

Really? Like they should know my schedule, or that I sometimes don’t even feel I have time to call people back just to respond to messages and requests for a day or two?

We did a bigger version of this same type of they-shouldn’t-ask stressful-thinking during Year of Inquiry last week.

Someone is applying “pressure” trying to get you to do something, trying to talk you into saying “yes” when you feel “no”. They feel demanding, they don’t like you declining. You feel uncomfortable seconds after the request is made.

Many people noticed this gets REALLY uncomfortable around sex.

Or money.

Yikes.

These are situations that have fairly big consequences.

Although….look at my teensy tiny situation where I had a flash of a thought that this person was off-base to even ask if I was available right now. Stress still appeared even in this minor situation.

Who would you be without the belief they shouldn’t ask?

I notice when I’m without that belief, everyone’s able to ask everything and anything they want, ANY TIME. I can respond, with total honesty.

And if I can’t…..

……as in I can’t say “no” just as freely and easily as the people who are asking me for something…..

……then I get to inquire further, at a deeper level.

Because THAT is the REAL issue.

It’s in the pain experienced through these types of thoughts (the ones you have underneath the idea this person shouldn’t ask).

It would be rude to say no. They won’t like my answer. I don’t want to explain myself. That other asking person and I are separate. They don’t get me or my life. 

They might reject me, get upset, use force, hurt me, feel frustrated or depressed.

But then, who would you be without the belief you’re responsible for their feelings?

Or that any of these things (rejection, etc) are so horrible to experience?

I’m serious!

What if people could just have the reactions they have about my “no”?

And I remained patient, connected, open, and caring about them, about me?

It might take some time to hash out. There may be discussion required.

For the record, whenever I have said “no” after all those years of imagining the worst….no one has even come close.

Kinda funny.

Turning it all around: questions can be asked, by anyone, and answers freely given, by anyone.

Experiment.

Try saying “no”. Try saying “I was surprised when you asked me that because _______ and I appreciate you wanting to make a connection.”

Try saying “When people ask me what you just asked, I feel nervous. I’m afraid it means ______.” Or “when you ask me that, I want you to know I care about you and the answer is no.”

It may be so much fun, and so much more simple than you ever thought, it becomes just as fabulous as saying yes.

At the end of our Year of Inquiry call….I made a suggestion that I learned from other teachers in the past.

Role play you saying “no” or saying “I feel uncertain when you ask this” or “I have a few questions first” or “it’s not possible for me to do that.”

Ask people to ask you things you’re normally really PISSED OFF at being asked.

You may notice, with the practice, you blame others less.

“If you believe anyone’s action is bad, how can you see the good in it? How can you see the good that comes out of it, maybe years later? If you see anyone as bad, how can you understand that we are all created equal? We’re all teachers by the way we live….A mind that doesn’t question its judgments makes the world very small and dangerous.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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When Some Urgency Comes About What’s Needed

So I’m riding my bike yesterday in the glorious spring afternoon, red tulips and yellow daffodils blooming in people’s gardens, the beautiful river I live near swirling slowly along with ducks floating and bright green grass on its banks.

This gorgeous bike trail is smooth pavement, winding between tall poplar trees in straight lines, then pine trees and back yards, then out in the open along the river again.

A whole system of thought enters.

What am I doing here.

Kinda like the opening of Birdman. 

Even though, when you think about it, I could be in a scene from a beautiful movie–and it’s where I actually live.

The thought started with something about the future, my youngest child leaving home in a year.

Mind running, as fast as this bike is moving.

I could hit the road and leave everything and everyone behind! Empty nest!

I could travel the world on a solo journey. I could go stay with Pema Chodron in her monastery for awhile. I could go to Bali and study some kind of exotic yoga. I could see weird and strange sights on this planet.

Let’s see….how much can I charge for rent for my cottage? I wonder what the neighbors pay for their home, I know they rent. I’ll copy that amount.

I really gotta get outta here, change it up, see the world.

I have limited time left. Things are declining body-wise. I’ll exit my primary relationship and ditch it all for a WalkAbout.

Ha ha!

Earlier in the very same day, I’m guiding people in the Desire Course to question what they think is the problem that comes between them and what they desire….and identify what they really want to feel.

Ooops, I almost forgot.

*Ping*!

Right there on the bicycle, seeing my shadow in the sun (wow!) watching a blue heron fly low and then land in the river, I notice who I would be without my thoughts of escape.

I chuckle, noticing how much I love that escape story.

That story where you change everything and everyone in your world and go on an adventure.

Don’t we love it? Bilbo Baggins takes off into the wild blue yonder.

But who would you be without that story (but only the parts where you think you’re trapped)?

Without the story that it’s required, in order to be happy?

It doesn’t mean I don’t go on adventures….it’s noticing I don’t have to. I’m not stuck. And this is it.

THIS is an adventure. Right here.

Even sitting writing this Grace Note, feeling the words pour forward, reflecting on how funny that thing was on the bike trail that went on an imaginary adventure away from the present moment.

Noticing I returned, I felt something watching and laughing at the mixture of ideas.

Coming back to the trail, the front bike wheel, the old woman with gray hair on her bicycle too, the eagle soaring above, the wind on my face, the man’s voice talking on his cell phone, twisting fast past the couple with the baby stroller, the thoughts swirling as much as the river, undulating and moving along, moving along.

Jesus was lost in his love for God.
His donkey was drunk with barley. 

Drink from the presence of saints,
not from those other jars. 

Every object, every being,
is a jar full of delight. 

Be a conoisseur,
and taste with caution. 

Any wine will get you high.
Judge like a king, and choose the purest, 

the ones unadulterated with fear,
or some urgency about “what’s needed.” 

Drink the wine that moves you
as a camel moves when it’s been untied,

and is just ambling about.

~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

P.S. Breitenbush Retreat June 24-28 is filling quickly and early bird rate ends April 30th. Being With Byron Katie retreat July 11-14 is also beginning to fill (we will all watch Katie together here in Seattle all the way from Switzerland via internet). Register for either one if you want to make sure you’ve got space, especially good accommodations. Visit www.workwithgrace.com to find more information about either one!

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Which Radio Station Are You Aware Of?

radiostation
What station are you listening to?

The other day I was remembering Annie Lamott, a favorite author of mine, and her tales of waking up out of addiction and ending the cycle of self-abuse.

I have to chuckle when she describes the inner voice that’s so mean, radio station KFCK was the first way I heard it described.

She also calls it KRAP….a little less cuss-word oriented but it still gets the message across.

If you’re on the Eating Peace notes, you’ll recognize it in my message in my video yesterday.

The main idea in this message, noticing this voice?

Noticing that we also have a kind, generous, loving voice within.

It’s been there the whole time.

Perhaps not even a voice all the time, but a feeling, an observing view, a sense of inner silence that is not disturbed and not freaking out. Ever.

Do you know what I mean?

The radio station KFCK or KRAP can sometimes chatter away so loudly, you don’t recognize this quieter voice.

And yet, this seemingly more silent voice is deep, steady, unbothered, and eternal.

It’s the radio station L-O-V-E.

That sounds super sugary corny perhaps, but it’s true.

Funny how we don’t spend a lot of time, at least I sure didn’t, listening to that LOVE radio station instead of the other one.

But don’t worry, even if you haven’t listened to it much, or you’ve gone way off track, or gone haywire thinking very negative and disturbing thoughts, or lost the signal for love entirely…..

…..you never have.

You can connect with it right now.

Who would you be without believing what you think is true, especially the brutal thoughts, or the criticisms from other people, or anything you don’t like hearing?

Who would you be without the thought you’ve made a mistake, you’re wrong, you shouldn’t be thinking negatively, you’re not measuring up, you didn’t succeed, you’re lacking something, you’re nothing important, your mind is right?

Who would you be without beliefs about other people and how annoying, sad, needy, irritating or bothersome THEY are?

Like….what would it be like if you just had no thoughts of being against it all, no brain putting out an inner voice, deciding things, assessing and commenting on everything as if its worrisome or irritating?

What’s a flower like? Or a tree? Or a bird?

Here you are being yourself, which includes having a mind that runs off in various directions…..

…..but what if you just didn’t get all worked up and involved?

If you let the kind, tender, compassionate voice be the louder one for right now, without trying to fight against the other ones?

“You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation…and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.” ~ Herman Hesse

Now that’s relaxing. And loving. And kind.

Oh halleluia.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: A Crazy Tool You Have Within You But You May Not Know It

Are you someone who doesn’t really go for the woo-woo solutions to real life problems?

Well…this tool for changing your relationship with eating can sound a little cray-cray.

But believe me, I’m not that crazy (only crazy in a good way).

This tool is genuine, powerful, and used by many cultures, religions, therapeutic modalities and processes of emotional healing for centuries.

It’s in you already, you just may need to develop it a little, spending a little more time using your imagination for love, not hate (primarily for yourself).

See how I did it here. Leave a comment to let me know how this tool works for you–I love hearing from you and reading your comments.

Love, Grace

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Is Compassion Possible In This Rotten Situation?

compassionIn our Year of Inquiry tele session group yesterday morning, we entered a really powerful situation for The Work.

The kind where you got pretty scared….or hurt….and you might even see this as a problem in society or the world.

Violence.

In this case, the inquirer was doing The Work on hearing about a man she knew personally beating his partner, something we call “domestic violence”.

The interesting thing about this inquirer’s situation and thoughts were how well everyone could relate to hearing something like that, experiencing something like that, or feeling the same feelings.

Disgust, irritation, fear, rage, separation.

You may find these kinds of feelings in your own past, in some incident you went through yourself.

The first thing to do is to identify the specific moment you felt your fear or terror.

Yes, it’s going into the fire in a big way….except you are here now, in this safe, quiet moment.

You’ll be OK.

(I began to notice when doing The Work on disturbing experiences that memories are floating through, and they are pictures only, and feelings are just energy moving through the body–nothing terrible is actually happening when you recall something, you know?)

So pause the movie in your head, the one with the bad difficult memory, and answer the question:

Why is this upsetting?

I’m terrified because he called me names, said I was stupid and ugly, and kept asking me to do things I didn’t want to do.

Now break it down into just one simple concept, to walk through inquiry with.

You don’t have to inquire into everything at once–in fact, this can dilute and confuse you and not really provide enormous insight when you have a particularly troubling situation to investigate.

Just start with the very first concept: he called me names.

Is it true?

Yup, sure is. Absolutely? Yes.

See how you feel, though. Are you angry?

You’re looking at something that happened, and you are already deciding it was horrifying, wrong, bad, impossible to get over.

And this is years and years later maybe. Or even last week.

It’s over.

This is important to notice.

Can you find the crack between something being true, and the second you decide you’re against it?

Because when you are against it……you are naturally thinking it should not have happened, or it is unforgivable, or you are frightened of it happening again, or you feel lost about it, unresolved, sad, hurt.

Are you sure you’re hurt?

I’m not asking because this is an exercise in denial, or criticism of anyone who thinks back on a troubling situation with fear.

Right now, I can think of someone from many, many years ago and remember the scene still. Words were coming from him towards me. Really nasty, bitter words. Cutting, mean.

I remember at the time how I felt like I was punched in the gut. I was trying to control my tears and failed. My heart was racing and my face got red and hot.

Who would I be without the belief I was damaged, in that situation?

Who would I be without the belief I was unable to recover, lost, hurt, or that my life was altered in a bad way?

This is really hard sometimes to imagine, but you can.

For me….I noticed without the belief how well I handled that emotionally violent situation.

I noticed how full of suffering this person was who was saying such things.

How nutty humanity is that we believe our thoughts and lash out, not knowing any better–but this seems to be the way of it, so it’s not wrong, and we discover there are much better more loving ways.

Without my beliefs, I feel great compassion for that man, and any men who become violent.

Without my beliefs, I notice how healed I have become, how my life never seems to have any really big violence in it (and it could tomorrow, who knows).

I notice when I turn the thoughts around that someone shouldn’t be violent with words or deeds, that my own mind has been just as mean and attacking as that person was!

To others, to him, and to myself!

I was not hurt. I was healed. 

He was hurt.

These beliefs are just as true.

Imagine that.

“Through observing the illusory nature of thought without resisting it, we can begin to question and inquire into the underlying belief structures that support it. These belief structures are what form our emotional attachments to the false self and the world our minds create…..Reality is not something that you integrate into your personal view of things. Reality is life without your distorting stories, ideas, and beliefs. It is perfect unity free of all reference points, with nowhere to stand and nothing to grab hold of…..Cease to cherish opinions and it stands before your very eyes.” ~ Adyashanti  

The truth is that troubling situation happened in another time and place, when I believed very strongly that there were many things to fear.

It became proof of scary things and mean people.

But then later on, remembering, doing The Work, that very same situation became proof of survival, peace beyond belief, the end of war, compassion, silence and love.

Much love, Grace

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Changing Your Beliefs About Your Failure

I’ll be doing a live google hangout on Sunday, April 19th at 9:00 – 10:30 am Pacific Time. Come join me for a wonderful time–I can’t wait to meet you and support you in questioning your thoughts and lightening up your life. There is no charge for this event.

Join on April 19th by clicking HERE. You may want to make sure you have a google account (it’s free) to make access super easy.

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Have you ever noticed a whole belief system running in your mind that feels like a dark storm?

I can’t do it. I can’t make it. I failed. It’s over. This is terrible. I lost. It’s no use. I don’t know how. I’ll never get what I want.

Have you ever experienced a big blow in your life….

….or a series of disappointments….

….and found a voice in your head saying thoughts like these, maybe over and over again?

How do you feel about desiring things, moving towards something, having dreams and visions…..and maybe not achieving it, or getting to where you’d like to be?

Phew. It’s rough.

The thing is….

….you can question your thinking when it comes to “failure” and investigate to see if what’s going on in your mind is really, really true.

Questioning with an open, curious mind can bring you not just relief, but the incredible perspective of the turnarounds, and actually living with the OPPOSITE of what you’re thinking when you’re in that dark place.

Not long ago, an acquaintance of mine graduated from a program in mental health with her master’s degree. She had loved being in a high-level educational program, she was doing something she had dreamed of for years.

She rented an office downtown and hung her shingle up “Open For Business!”

And waited for new clients.

And waited.

And waited.

Then she had one person come, for two sessions. But the new client didn’t return.

She waited again.

So she gathered her forces together and advertised, made flyers, went to networking meetings and furiously applied her former PR skills to getting clients.

But things limped along, very slowly.

I offered to facilitate her in doing The Work, but she didn’t know me very well and said “no, I just need to hammer away at this.”

I couldn’t help notice the words “hammer away at this”.

It reminded me of myself, pushing hard, running hard, tackling something I wanted to gain with a lot of worry, energy and intensity.

Doing The Work can save a lot of time, energy, busy-ness and action.

Here’s how.

While this acquaintance didn’t choose to do The Work, like I said…..it reminded me of me.

First question: Is it true, what you’re thinking?

Oh. What did you say?

I was too busy ruminating, seeing pictures of terrible things happening, and feeling anxious.

What did you say again?

Oh! Is it TRUE?

Huh. Wow. Well, heck! Not really. I have no idea!

How do you react when you think these thoughts of failure? Even potential failure?

What does it feel like when you’re not getting where you want, what you want, who you want, or how you want it?

You may have the same reaction as the woman I mentioned…..you might hunker down and “hammer” away at the problem.

You might get really disciplined and full of striving and struggle and effort.

When I had no money left and watched my bank account empty and then go into debt, I began to react by thinking these same kinds of thoughts, and then I thought maybe its better to be dead.

Really, it was that harsh and black.

Then I did The Work, thank goodness!

So…who would you be without these despairing, negative, frightening thoughts?

What if you used your imagination to see a new way, without these thoughts, rather than seeing the sky falling like Chicken Little?

Turning the thoughts around:

I can do it. I am doing it. I am making it. I am succeeding. It’s just beginning. This is wonderful. I’m winning. It’s of use. I don’t know how (yay!) or I do know how. I’ll always get what I ultimately want.

This is not to be full of fluffy bunny positive affirmations.

This is deeply considering the benefits of what has occurred, and waiting, noticing, opening and being with joy and love instead of disappointment and hate.

I noticed for myself that I was still alive!

I noticed I was going through something incredibly wild, but actually my little cottage was quiet, beautiful and nurturing. The lights were still on. The phone still worked. The water was still connected. There was still gas in my car. The garbage company still came to pick up my garbage.

I also remember I had a picture of me telling my story of losing all my money one day, and giving other people hope to keep breathing and question their beliefs through a terribly difficult period.

I saw benefits for what was going on with lack of clients and lack of money. I noticed my dive into “no money” generated passion, power, huge energy within me…..I wasn’t so quick to give up or not bother.

I also became willing to question OTHER stressful thoughts like that I was too shy or introverted to be able to succeed in my own business.

Or not good enough to really be effective in life.

Who would you be without your story of self-criticism, judgment and doubt?

“When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. Therefore the Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn’t possess, acts but doesn’t expect. When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever.” ~ Tao Te Ching #2

Much love, Grace

P.S. September 2015 Year of Inquiry mastermind group begins. An awesome journey with awesome people, inquiring together. For 3 weeks in every month, 3 times every week, you can dial-in with a fabulous group of inquirers and do your work. There’s nothing like the power of group support and connecting for becoming curious, open-minded, and finding the shifts of un-believing that you so desire in your life. Freedom. Registration opens soon!

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I Quit! (Wait A Minute And Do The Work)!

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“I’m quitting NOW!!” Push the “help” button by doing The Work first, before you quit!

How do you know when to give up something, close the door to business, say goodbye, end the relationship, wrap, call it quits?

You’ve weighed the pros and cons. You’ve made lists. You’ve hashed it out with neutral objective (sort of) friends. You’ve journaled on your decision. You’ve consulted with a mentor or trusted advisor. You’ve tried to find what your gut feeling is.

Maybe whatever you’re wanting to quit isn’t THAT big a deal.

Like you’ve got a friend who kinda bugs you, an irritating client, a marketing firm who keeps calling your phone, a neighbor who borrows things constantly.

Not matters of life or death…..although there may be big changes in your day-to-day life if you make the decision a certain way…..

…..but one thing’s for sure.

You’ve got the thought “something’s gotta change, I can’t take it anymore, this needs to stop.”

Here’s one thing I love about The Work.

By doing the work, you can get closer to what really actually disturbs you the most, and maybe even discover some interesting information BEFORE you get to the I-can’t-take-it breaking point.

“Something’s gotta change, I can’t take it anymore.”

First, ask yourself, why?

Why to you hate this interaction, this repeating situation, this person’s behavior, this difficult moment looking at your bank statement, your results?

Are you sure you have to make a decision based on your level of pain? On your level of frustration, fear, failure, or disappointment?

What if you felt really positive about that situation or person or condition so you could make the best decision possible, without your negative feelings dominating the show?

It doesn’t mean your painful feelings aren’t important, or deeply valuable.

They just aren’t necessarily what you want to base your whole decision on, you know?

Everyone almost always feels more peaceful when their decisions are loving, kind and spacious…..

…..not made from rage or bitterness.

Why do you feel like giving up? What’s the actual problem?

Write it out.

He’ll never change, she will be a better companion, my boss sucks, this never makes enough money, my business is in the tank, he’s too needy, she’s too critical, I’m too tired.

If you want….keep going with writing and identifying what’s ailing you about this difficult, troubling situation where you want to call it quits.

How do you want it to change? How could it improve?

What should happen that isn’t actually happening?

What do you think is missing? What do you really need in order to be happy?

Now you’ve got your concepts.

You can inquire.

See if they are really, really true.

Notice that how you react is…..

…..you want to say “Take This Job And Shove It! I NEVER want to see you again THIS IS OVAH!”

But who would you be without this thought?

Seriously.

What if you couldn’t believe this story was true? What if your mind didn’t have all the distaste and being against this person, in this situation?

I notice I relax. Something inside lets go of the knife-cutting anger, or the abrupt thinking, the thoughts that are so drama-queen ready to escape from Alcatraz.

Sometimes, without the thought that something is unbearable….

….people imagine “OMG, I will NEVER take action and get free from this rotten neighbor!”

I’ll never leave my job, I’ll never find the right partner, I’ll never make lots of money, I’ll never never never. I’ll lie down on the floor like a passive doormat and nothing will EVER happen.

But is THAT true? Really?

What if you turned these thoughts around: Nothing needs to change, I can take it, this doesn’t need to stop. 

Holy smokes. That’s all true.

A long time ago, when I got a J-O-B, I thought “the minute I make enough money in my business, I’m outta here”.

I’m outta here in 3 months…I’m outta here in 6 months….I’m outta here in a year.

My mind constantly imagined when I was leaving, semi-resentful of my dratted job, thinking I should be focused only on my business, curses the day I had to work for someone else.

Until I realized. OMG. I need to do The Work on having this part time job I am resenting every day!

WHY was it so dreadful?

“Often these unquestioned beliefs hide superstitions which are protecting something which is untrue, contradictory, or being used as justification for behavior which is a less than enlightened.” ~ Adyashanti

I wrote it all out.

I began appreciating that job so much, I wound up loving it. I stopped thinking of the time I would leave and dropped the calendar obsessing.

And I noticed after several years, I decided to leave because my business was booming and successful, and it just wasn’t necessary to go to work anymore even though I loved it.

Now that was the best way to move on I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

No regrets, no fear, no anger, no irritation.

Just pure appreciation.

I didn’t need rage to make a decision. Love led the way. It might sound corny, or cheesy, or weird…..

….but it’s waaaaaay easier than other things I left in a fit of anger (which weren’t exactly undone and finished in that state of feeling).

No guilt, no regret, no flip-flopping back, total clarity that the way it went was just right.

Now if YOU are thinking of making a change, you might have people who you think will be disappointed, or fear of failure. That’s another angle to making change, where you may have stressful thoughts.

Just question them. See if they’re really true.

A path may open up you never saw was there before.

Much love, Grace