Grace Notes

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Each Step Along The Way, A Clearer Sense of Normal

herenownomatterwhat
each step along the way of inquiry, a clearer glimpse of the divine, a clearer sense of “normal”

I feel much better today, almost back to “normal” physically.

Isn’t that funny whatever “normal” is?

I was listening yesterday during my quieter time, recovering from a short bug, to an interview of me talking with my friend Roberta. (You can access the whole teleconference I was a part of right here for free for a few more hours–lots of powerful information about mind- body health).

I heard myself telling my story.

It’s funny to look back and see one’s own story, played out over time, and watch what the mind does.

While listening, I started remembering how unhappy I was when I was 19 years old, leaving for college.

So anxious, I ate and ate and stuffed myself full the night my family had a goodbye dinner to celebrate my graduation from high school and my adventures off to college.

Remembering that time, I still had the thought float through me yesterday “I should have done it differently”.

If only…..

Then it would be better…..

There’s a similar feeling when you don’t have what you want. (I’ve been talking a lot about desire lately since I started the Desire Class yesterday morning).

Uncomfortable, disappointed, uncertain, sorry.

It’s not like a big traumatic discomfort, just a melancholy breeze blowing by saying “that could have been better, you know.”

Sigh.

But The Work can be brought even to a long-distant memory so far away in the past.

Is it true that could have gone differently, better, another way? Are you sure it might have been altered if only…..?

No.

How do you react when you believe it could be improved, you don’t like the way it turned out, if only….?

I notice I feel internally dramatic. Like someone with the back of their hand on their forehead.

Sad, missing something, bereft.

So who would you be without that belief that it’d be better if it went another way?

Ha ha. Really?

Kind of hilarious, in this moment. Because how could it have possibly gone differently than it did?

I notice I have no idea how making it different would look, and if that really would alter the outcome.

I remember the amazing idea offered by Byron Katie that reality is kind.

Reality….this life….is loving. 

And it’s the truth. The real actual truth. Not my opinionated version of the truth of what happened.

Turning the thoughts around: I shouldn’t have done it differently, it went the way it went and that was very good, the whole situation could NOT be improved. 

There is no “if only…” except in imagination.

Wow.

I simply look at the memory, it floats through, it doesn’t stick inside, it’s just a picture, a sensation, an idea bouncing along, nothing personal.

Who would you be without the belief that something went wrong, and if only….?

“As you drift into spirit, these transformations take place within you. All you have to do is notice them, and you will start to notice the tendency toward the qualities of the Divine. The further back you go, the more you will see these natural qualities unfolding inside of you. Each step along the way, you get a clearer glimpse of what it must be like to sit in that Divine State.” ~ Michael Singer

I love that without these stressful thoughts, there is a natural quality unfolding.
A place that doesn’t regret, or feel like a mistake was made, nothing imagining with pain “if only….”
Right Here.
All you did was notice. Nothing else required.

Love, Grace

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Welcoming Thoughts About Sickness

stressYesterday I felt my glands in my throat aching. I felt a sort of weird weakness in my arms and legs when I moved about, and a deep ache in the back of my head.

The mind kicks in trying to figure out what’s going on.

Did you eat something bad? Are you getting sick? Is it hormones from menopause? Or wow, what if its cancer or something serious?Didn’t I just hear about a friend’s kid with meningitis?

I wonder if….

I hear the mind comment, but don’t really believe any of it or act like any of it is true, I notice. I follow my usual schedule, quietly in my home most of the day.

Clients coming and going, online classes underway. Go out to stand in line at the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles in the US). Actually still go to the gym for light bike ride. Pausing and feeling the sensations again of ache, heat, weak.

Who would I be without the belief any of this is terrible?

This is a wonderful question!

Because when I have the idea or belief that being sick or having symptoms like mine is a bad thing….

….pretty soon I’m also thinking thoughts like “not only does my neck and head ache, but I’m in the wrong business (no vacation days) and I have tons of work to do and the house needs cleaning and repairs and I have to go get my car emissions tabs and, and, and….

….life is sooooooo hard.

It’s like the energy of “sick” gives birth to more of itself. Sick, bad, weak, wrong, terrible, dangerous.

But pausing and asking “who would you be without these thoughts?”

Funny.

I would be doing the exact same things, but relaxing through them all. Noticing there’s only one thing to do next, then another thing, not all at once, only doing what is possible right now, then now.

And if taking a motrin and lying down becomes what happens next, then that’s OK too.

It’s the way of it.

What is required, happens. Nothing more, nothing less.

Turning the thought around: these physical sensations are not terrible. My thoughts are terrible about these sensations.

So true! I’m moving, although slower, I’m conscious, and I can see the room, hear the sounds of cars outside, breath deeply, reply to emails, and feel something very still right here.

My thoughts are over-excited and dramatic. They are terrible, especially when they think the worse case scenario, and I buy it.

It’s kinda funny when the “worse” that can happen is a thought.

Who am I really, with physical so-called ailments, without believing my stressful thought?

Still fascinated and loving this world, taking it all in, noticing the abundance everywhere.

And I call the doctor if it becomes clear this is the next necessary step.

“When you have some understanding of your thoughts through inquiry, then you can call 911 consciously, without fear or panic. You’re more able to describe your situation and answer questions clearly. You’ve always known what to do; that doesn’t change.
 
A lover of what is looks forward to everything: life, death, disease, loss, earthquakes, bombs, anything the mind might be tempted to call “bad.” Life will bring us everything we need, to show us what we haven’t undone yet. Nothing outside ourselves can make us suffer.Except for our unquestioned thoughts, every place is paradise.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Remarkable to feel what I’d call sensations of sickness, or pain, or weakness….and not think of it as bad.

Ahhhhhh. Freedom right in the middle of odd sensations.

Love, Grace

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Eating Peace: What’s Going On When You Eat Beyond Full?

When you eat beyond fullness….you might attack yourself for doing it later.

Have you noticed yelling at yourself doesn’t really help?

Let’s study a little more closely the moments when you eat beyond fullness.

I’ve found three things could be going on…..and they are three beliefs you can question and change.

Lots of Eating Peace,

Grace

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Love and Desire Your Delinquent Qualities

I’m thrilled with all the people who’ll be joining the Desire course tomorrow. Everything is done via webinar and you’ll watch online. You can replay the recordings if you can’t make it live.

It would be my honor to serve you dancing down the path of your personal journey in joy. It’s my passion to join with others and bring life-changing facilitation to people.

Because that’s what is satisfying and spectacular about life.

Joy. Freedom.

As so many of you know already….I had some serious attitudes about life that did NOT feel so joyful.

They had been in place maybe since childhood.

Life is hard. Bad things can happen. When something horrible goes on in the world, its difficult to get over it. Fear is awful to feel. Anger makes people do terrible things. I’m too sensitive. I’m too nervous. He shouldn’t have died. She shouldn’t have been so critical. She betrayed me. I can’t stop. I’ll never feel good. 

Oh boy, phew!

By the time I was 23 I had an eating disorder, I was insecure, I diminished my own talents and service and love for others, I was very critical and angry, and yet also people-pleasing to the max….I was scared!

I reached out for help, banging and bumping my way along.

I met wonderful mentors.

Then, finding The Work of Byron Katie was a huge step UP in my process of clarity and freedom.

It was so simple, and so direct.

So you know that thing you’re afraid of trying, or afraid you’ll never get it or never find peace in that area?

Who would you be without the belief that you could get hurt, or embarrassed, or make a big mistake, or fail?

What if you deeply examined the events, situations and relationships that have disturbed you most profoundly?

You don’t have to explore them all. Just start with one, today.

You may have done The Work on it already. You can do it again!

First, you write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that one terrible, difficult situation. Even if it was all the way back in childhood.

Not long ago I was working with a lovely inquirer who is enrolled in the Eating Peace program online that happens to be underway. Everyone gets a 911 call if they need it, during our 3 months together.

This inquirer knows she desires freedom around food and eating. She desires feeling healthy, and happy about her body.

But it’s been torturous and painful, and her weight has yo-yo’d up and down. Not so very happy.

I can relate.

When I binged and purged, my feelings were twisted up in knots.

Usually, I was believing something that had nothing actually to do with food–this was my release, the way I treated myself, my reaction to very troubled thinking.

When I went into therapy to heal this torturous way of life, I discovered much more clearly some of the thinking that felt so dramatically hard.

All those beliefs about trying to be good, acceptable, likable, someone worthy of being loved and cherished. I really thought I had to earn that, and make sure I wasn’t selfish and bratty.

So confining!

I felt like I was in prison when it came to dealing with people. I really couldn’t feel free to be myself. I couldn’t speak up to them if I needed to ask a question, or tell the truth.

That’s how this sweet inquirer also felt.

We looked at her beliefs about some people….and then about a person of deep influence.

Yes. You might know who.

Mother.

If you’re not sure where to begin, and you have troubling thoughts about life and death, and where you’re going or what this is all for….

….I suggest starting with your mother. Or your father.

Either one can be powerful.

You aren’t in the end assessing them as a person, you are questioning YOUR PERCEPTION of that person.

You may find, even if they have not been alive for years, you can change your relationship to them, and therefore to your current world when you encounter people like them, or familiar situations.

A shift like this, even in small measurements and doses of awareness, can bring you peace in an area, like your eating.

I found them very interconnected and associated.

As I made peace with important people in my life, and understood myself as a human being, I could see beyond my human story.

As I saw beyond my story, I became more and more relaxed.

And free.

Free to feel joyful, expansive, mysterious, gentle, silent and awake.

All you need to do is question your mind, and land on the turnarounds (the last part of The Work).

As I have done this, I find that the qualities I found most frightening and unacceptable have become the ones I appreciated most of all.

“If you try to avoid or remove the awkward quality, it will pursue you. The only effective way to still its unease is to transfigure it, to let it become something creative and positive that contributes to who you are. Nietzche said that one of the best days in his life was the day when he rebaptized all his negative qualities as his best qualities. Rather than banishing what is at first glimpse unwelcome, you bring it home to unity with your life…..One of your sacred duties is to exercise kindness towrd them. In a sense, you are called to be a loving parent to your delinquent qualiites.” ~ John O’Donohue

The class on tomorrow will have great emphasis on living your turnarounds, finding out what it looks like to bring movement, love, action and communication into your world when you do The Work.

That’s when it feels wonderful to have desire–noticing abundance, anticipation, hand-clapping joy.

Not torturous desire–full of emptiness, desperation, rage and lack.

There’s a big difference, right?

Let me know how your work goes, or if you have questions getting started on a difficult relationship. It’s my pleasure to help assist peace unfold in this world, however I can.

The more peaceful, joyful people, the more fun.

If you want to discover more wonderful feelings within, in this present moment, then a great place to do it will be in tomorrow’s Desire course.

Love, Grace

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The Purpose of Life Is Happiness

happyheartsSo many questions about the Desire virtual class starting Thursday.

You may find answers by clicking right HERE.

In a nutshell, each class you will log-in (and dial-in using your phone or skype) to a webinar and follow along in exercises geared entirely towards:

a) identifying what you’re lacking in important areas of your life

b) noticing what does work in these areas, even if very small

c) burning your stressful beliefs by questioning them

d) naming and claiming your own personal core desired feelings–the living turnarounds–in these same areas you care about the most

I’ve loved doing this work myself and found it sooooo affirming.

Ready to sign up now? [rps-paypal]

I’ve identified what I really thought I wanted, what felt desirable, in many areas of my life.

I’ve wondered openly what I would have, if I attained my greatest desire.

In the end, it’s usually some kind of feeling….safety, happiness, excitement, ease.

What is it you desire? What do you think you’d have, if you got it?

Are you sure you can’t feel this now, in the present….without attaining that great desire, that condition, that person, that object?

We’ll question our stressful stories around moving towards what we think we want. We’ll do this together in the class, I’ll guide you through.

After doing this work (combining the Work of Byron Katie and desire mapping and exploring feelings) I’ve landed….for now….on my own core desired feelings:

Amazon, Luxurious, Mystic, Serenity

Just saying these words feels creative, delicious, and like powerful medicine personal to my path.

As I do The Work of Byron Katie, when I arrive in the turnarounds, the opposites to my stressful thoughts (the last step in The Work) I can call in these feelings, these words, and imagine how I would live if I felt these feelings.

Some examples.

I notice I desire time, insight, being of service, and freedom from dread—instead, joy.

So what do I perceive is NOT working when it comes to time, insight, being of service and freedom from dread?

Well! Glad you asked!

Time: I don’t have enough. 

Insight: I need more time with my teachers and books.

Being of service: I could reach more people.

Freedom from dread: Life seems like more fun without dreading something in the future (ha ha!)

I start with the one on top of the list: I NEED MORE TIME.

I get a good solid sense of a situation in which I believed this to be very true.

Yah, I got it. Yesterday when I had to pick up my kid unexpectedly right in the middle of rush hour traffic, right in the middle of recording my podcast.

I need more time!!

I take this situation through inquiry.

Is it true that I need more time?

Yes Yes Yes.

Absolutely?

Uhm. Well. No.

How do I react when I believe I need more time?

Frustrated, tight, clenched, small.

Who would you be without the belief you need more time?

Wow, in that moment? Hmmmm.

I’d be freely moving from microphone, into car holding keys, wearing my cute slippers, heading out to the school. Break time. Time to talk with my kid. Listening to 3 messages from one of closest friends in the world. Breathing deeply. Relaxed.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need more time. I have ENOUGH time.

Can I find real examples, genuine examples, of how this could be just as true…..or truer?

Well….one of the most important things in my life are my kids and spending time with them, and that’s what I get to do when I pick her up. It doesn’t even have to be long, it only takes 20 minutes door-to-school-to-door.

I also notice I’m not dying today (I know that’s dramatic, but its an example)!

I also have enough time because I am not a special case–I get just the right amount of time for me–not unlike many other humans.

I have enough time to buy groceries, get gas, work out at the gym, read books, write these Grace Notes, work with clients, create classes, facilitate retreats, do interviews, record podcasts, watch Birdman last week (won best picture), work with deeply important spiritual teachers, go out to lunch with a colleague, and meditate.

And that’s only starters.

What if I felt amazon, luxurious, mystic and serenity when it comes to time?

Ha ha! *AWESOME!*

Waaaaaaayyyyy different than powerless, scarce, tiny and frustrated.

Nice turnaround to live, these beautiful feelings I identified for myself.

You can do this too.

You can zone in on the unique feelings you celebrate, honor and love to experience when you turn your stressful thoughts around.

Come find out how on Thursday….join us!

If you can’t because you’re in an alternate time zone, or you’re scheduled, don’t worry.

This means its not right for right now.

You can follow the process I just outlined and find your core desired feelings, and your stressful beliefs about why you can’t get there, and take your beliefs to inquiry using the four questions.

I know you can do it.

“I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.  From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering.  Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this.  From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment.  I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves.  Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” ~ Dalai Lama

Love, Grace

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Miraculous Powers of Thought

The other day I was connecting with people online in a webinar about “desire” and questioning stressful beliefs that arise about everything we desire.

One of the first written exercises during the webinar was to think about areas of life I suggested (there were five) and then notice what you’re grateful for that already exists in these areas.

Someone wrote in the Q & A a great and very honest question:

What if I’m not grateful for anything in this area of my life?

What a powerful question….and so great to admit because often, there’s a voice that shouts “You should be grateful! Look at what you have compared to the poor people in Africa! Just to live in this society you’re in the top 8% in the world for resources, quit complaining!”

If you’re ordering yourself to have grateful thoughts, think positively, tell yourself affirmations, or STOP thinking about the terrible dreaded thing that happened…..

…..you might find yourself failing. Miserably.

And then feeling even worse.

So let’s say you’ve been having an extremely hard time with food and eating (as many of you may know, my story is recovery from bulimia and anorexia and horrible relationship with eating).

Or how about money….that’s another hot topic for pain, difficulty and despair around not having enough.

You’re unhappy with your body or your eating, you’re unhappy with the low level of money you have…..

…..and its a long, long way to gratitude.

So why not go ahead and give the upset voice the floor.

Let it speak.

Perhaps it’s shouting for some good reason, some important reason.

The reality is, that voice appears to be upset….and you can fortunately do The Work when a feeling of upset, dread, scarcity or unhappiness comes over you.

It clears the air, on your way to gratitude (without TRYING to get to gratitude, so don’t even think about getting there until you do).

Where to begin with letting that upset voice speak?

Write down what’s wrong with your situation. Write only one thing. To keep it sharply simple.

I am upset with my financial situation because: I can’t pay my rent.

Now answer….why is THAT upsetting? What does it mean about you that you can’t pay your rent?

I have no support. I’ll have no place to live. I’m a loser. I’m doing something wrong. I’m dependent. I’m missing something other people are not missing. I’m a taker not a giver.

What about food and eating….what’s upsetting about this dynamic?

I am upset with the way I eat because: I’m too preoccupied with food.

Why are you upset about being too preoccupied with food?

I’m too heavy. I hurt myself. I can’t control my feelings. I’m unattractive. I’m wasting my life. I can’t get close to people.

Take a moment to sit with why these things upsetting, let your most painful thinking spill out onto paper.

Write it down.

I’m doing something wrong. I’m missing something other people aren’t missing. I’m too anxious, angry, sad. People dislike me. I’m not strong enough.

These thoughts are your keys to inquiry.

Ask yourself the four questions, or have someone facilitate you.

Only question one belief. Not all of them at once.

Example:

There’s something wrong with me.

Take this thought through self-inquiry. Answer all the questions, no matter what you say for any answer. Keep going!

Here are the questions:

  • Is this thought you’re thinking…..true?
  • Can you absolutely know this thought is true?
  • How do you react, what happens, when you have this thought running through your head?
  • Who would you be in this situation without this belief? Use your imagination…what would it be like for you to not have the thought?
  • What’s the opposite? Could this be just as true, or truer? What’s an example?

Look around the room you’re in. Feel your body. Who are you, just being right in the moment, without thinking “Jesus, you need to fix this, because there really is something wrong.”

This really can clear the air, but it takes a moment in time to look. It takes your creativity. It takes believing your own mind can be used to see in a new way (it can).

It takes the conviction that your thinking is very powerful and your thoughts create your feelings and your experience of reality (it appears they do).

Who would you be without the belief you’re doing something wrong, or missing something here?

When it comes to money, or eating….or finding a mate, or succeeding, or producing, or changing, or doing that thing?

If you feel you’ve made many mistakes, or the situations you’ve been in are insurmountable, or success is too difficult, or freedom appears impossible….

….keep holding still with the idea of who you are without your thought!

Use your imagination!

What if you turned your thoughts around about money, or eating (or whatever else you’ve found difficult)?

There is nothing wrong with me. There is something wrong with my thinking (and maybe not even that). There is something right with me.

See what you can find that’s genuinely true for you.

I found when I did The Work on my money situation I noticed I wasn’t lying in a ditch starving. I was eligible for food stamps but actually didn’t wind up using them (I apparently had enough). I had a roof over my head. I liked the beautiful color of the carpet on the floor in my cottage.

I was sitting still, which was relaxing. I didn’t work 12 hours a day, in fact I hardly worked at all and recognized the freedom in having zero possessions. I had time to read. I had friends, connections, family. My car worked.

My mind was not completely insane–it got frantic with worry, but it wasn’t so crazed I needed to go to the loony bin. I could take a deep breath. I had a great resume. I was willing. I knew a lot about some things. I could be useful, I could vacuum my own house (I had a vacuum, and a house).

I knew other people who had recovered from terrible eating disorders. I didn’t binge 24 hours a day, there were lots of spaces of emptiness, including at night when I slept. I was born with a mind and body just like everyone else. It was humanly possible to overcome adversity and addiction. I had heard many success stories, and I was a human.

I was capable of reading and learning and even when I didn’t or wouldn’t, and I noticed these activities weren’t required for peace. I could just sit here and be someone who wasn’t doing anything. There wasn’t wrongness inherently in me being here. My heart was still beating, my lungs expanding and contracting. My blood pumping.

Who would you be without believing your stressful story?

I notice the more I ask myself this question, and then answer it….

….the more grateful I am.

“Desire can produce a universe; its powers are miraculous. Just as a small matchstick can set a huge forest on fire, so does a desire light the fires of manifestation. The very purpose of creation is the fulfillment of desire…..But just as a sleeping man forgets all and wakes up for another day, or he dies and emerges into another life, so do the worlds of desire and fear dissolve and disappear. Being nothing, I am all. Everything is me, everything is mine.” ~ Nisargadatta

I desire something, I do The Work, I find relief, I find joy in this present moment, right here.

Paradoxically, the joy felt now brings me closer to what I desired in the first place….balance, peace, simplicity.

It may not look the way I expected, or have unfolded the way I wanted on MY personal time line, the focus is freedom in the seeing, without the problem-oriented mind dominating everything.

No expectation for what will happen tomorrow, but I know if I begin to suffer, I have The Work to do….

….and take myself back to freedom of feeling clear, of feeling good.

This coming Thursday begins a 6 week journey in exploring Desire, discovering what’s really true and what our feelings are, and investigating deeply the powerful thoughts that come between us and what we need in order to be truly happy.

We’ll have a webinar every week, with slides to watch….the opportunity to journal, ask questions, identify what you don’t like, return to your feeling of allowing what is (even loving what is without forcing it).

You’ll get to look at five important life areas: livelihood, relationships, body/health, learning, and spirituality.

You’ll get to see what it is you really want….

….not focusing so much on the details, but instead the feelings of your true nature in every area.

(It looks like joy or peace or both).

Even if joining the class isn’t your thing then watching where you enter a war with reality, with what’s happened in your life, is the best place to start.

Question your thinking, change your world.

Love, Grace

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How To Find The Joy of Desiring Without Wanting Any Outcome

I am what I desire
I am what I desire

When I was a teenager, if you had asked me about what I wanted to do in my life, what I really loved, or what I truly desired….

….I would have looked at you oddly and kept my mouth shut.

Those were rather frightening questions.

So much can go wrong with how one answers.

First of all….the person asking might take what you say and use it against you later.

“She SAID she’s got a crush on Evan Matthews. I HEARD her say it!!” 

(Group of kids are standing around laughing, pointing and cackling about the news).

Or….the person to whom you have revealed what you want is offended or disappointed.

“I worked so hard cooking this meal, I can’t believe you ate dinner somewhere else, that’s so rude.” 

Or….the response to your desire is luke warm or uncomfortable.

“Going to that play sounds totally boring.”

What about great far-reaching desires that take a long time, or are challenging to accomplish? Sometimes the response to these are very dismissive or critical.

“Are you sure you’re smart enough for medical school? Do you know what it takes to succeed in business? Don’t you get too nervous on stage?”

And finally, some of the most painful inputs about what we desire can come from groups, institutions, whole societies, religions, schools.

“Don’t bother trying out for varsity. If you feel attraction for that person, something’s wrong with you. Be careful what you want, you can make a mistake. Your desire is greedy, bad, selfish.”

Yikes.

I noticed so much conflict in my own movements towards what I thought I wanted, I got more and more and more careful, timid and tentative about going for anything.

Or I wanted to secretly sneak things behind the backs of whomever was watching me (like eating).

It’s very painful to have great desire and be sparked by a fire, and then think of it as messed up, too hard, sick or impossible.

I love doing The Work on my desires, when they’ve felt uncomfortable, unfulfilled, or misdirected.

One of my favorite things is to identify what it is that worries me about something I find attractive. Or what it is that would be much better if I had it than things are right now.

“What would I have, if I had this item, this experience, this dream come true? What would be possible for me?”

Hmmm.

I remember doing this work on MONEY.

Oh money.

I really did want money so desperately. I always felt off with money. Loving it, feeling embarrassed about loving it. Wanting to hide it if I had it (from all the other jealous or competitive people). So miserable without it.

What would I really have, if I had lots and lots of money?

I would have ease. I could relax. I’d have time to read, meditate, write and visit gurus. I would feel thrilled and expansive. I would feel blissful. I would feel care-free, unafraid, untamed, free.

I’d feel safe.

So now the next great question….what is preventing you from feeling these wonderful feelings right now, even as you desire money?

Are you sure you need money, in order to feel safe? Comfortable? Cared for? Abundant? Able to learn?

Who would you be without the thought that you can’t feel safe, thrilled, excited, blissful, generous, loved and accepted right now, right here in your life, without anything added (or subtracted for that matter).

Gosh.

I’d feel curious.

I’d feel much safer suddenly. I’d feel trusting. Grounded. I’d feel kind of excited.

I’d notice that right now, even without the thing I want (person, item, experience) I’m breathing, looking about, and things are happening.

I want to clap!

I feel joy!

How do you think you’ll be more open to moving closer to money….with stressful thoughts about it, or an open mind and curiosity and a feeling of safety?

How do you think you’ll find that fabulous mate, or go through cancer treatment, or stop overeating or smoking cigarettes….

….filled with anxiety about how awful or weak or boring you are….

….or open to feeling this whole present experience and not missing a drop of love, awareness, safety or peace in the moment NOW?

It’s such a fun life to find the exquisite beauty in what I’m pursuing, to be drawn towards it, to discover the joy of noticing how lovely it is.

Now is when I’m doing the noticing.

Ha ha!

And yes, it really doesn’t matter if I get the thing at all.

“When you have no destination in view, you can go anywhere. You realize that whatever life brings you is good, so you look forward to it all. There’s no such thing as adversity. Adversity is just an unquestioned thought….

….We think that because Jesus and the Buddha wore robes and owned nothing, that’s how freedom is supposed to look. But can you live a normal life and be free? Can you do it from here, right now? That’s what I want for you. We have the same desire: your freedom….

….Abundance has nothing to do with money. Wealth and poverty and internal. Whenever you think that you know something and it feels stressful, you’re experiencing poverty. Whenever you realize that what you have is enough and more than enough, you’re rich…. I love having money, and I love not having it.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

This great discovery is the feelings in the present, at the core.

We’ll be having a wonderful time putting words to these present moment feelings in the upcoming Desire & The Work course that starts next Thursday.

Every week, we’ll explore an area people consider in their lives to be fulfilling, interesting, and fun.

We’ll identify stressful thoughts….our adversity towards these areas….

….and we’ll question our thoughts using The Work.

We’ll combine some of the lovely work of Danielle LaPorte author of The Desire Map to celebrate the unique flavor we have in our particular expression of whatever this is we’re being.

We’ll come back to reality, now.

Which I always discover is very friendly, when my thinking doesn’t get in the way.

A Smile and A Gentleness

There is a smile and a gentleness inside. When I learned the name and address of that, I went to where you sell perfume. I begged you not to trouble me so with longing. Come out and play! Flirt more naturally! Teach me how to kiss. On the ground a spread blanket, flame that’s caught and burning well, cumin seeds browning, I am inside all of this with my soul. ~ Rumi

If you’d like to join the 6 week journey of exploring desire, questioning the stressful thoughts that appear, tasting the flavors that seem just right for you….now….then click HERE.

Love, Grace

P.S. If you missed the webinar on the introduction to Desire and The Work of Byron Katie….Click HERE to watch and listen.

 

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You Grow Older, You Don’t Know Why

I was interviewed recently on how the work is helpful for women over forty by my friend and fellow-inquirer Roberta Mittman.

It was sweet!

And wow….women over forty as a topic….phew!

I have found The Work so powerful for thoughts and beliefs that have to do with being over a certain age, changes in the life trajectory, relationship challenges, health adjustments, loss, awareness.

Sometimes the beliefs that seem to match a certain age, and beyond, are strangely uncomfortable.

You might know they are superficial, or not as important as other thoughts (that’s where my mind would always go) yet they are present.

These wrinkles are ugly, I need to look young, I want to feel more energy, these hot flashes are irritating, my life is over.

There are also other thoughts many women have who enter the middle time of their lives about career, lack of success, needing a mate by now or wanting to leave the one they have.

It’s powerful to see what we’re telling ourselves is true.

And to ask…..are you sure?

Or to see if something IS indeed true for you (as in aging) why is that a bad thing? Are you sure it’s hard, or difficult, or frightening?

If you’d like to opt-in to get the links to the interviews, a collection of interesting topics for women over forty (including mine) then do it right here:  Click Here to Join Love Your Mind, Love Your Body.

Who would you be without the belief that being “Over Forty” is troubling, for whatever reason?

It leads to the great question, I find, that death is coming.

I know that sounds weird. Maybe extreme.

But when I really look deeply at being past the middle of a normal timeline of human life…..I’m on my way closer to the end than I used to be. No longer at the beginning.

Who would I be without the belief death is difficult, or troubling, or hard, or a disappointment?

Woah, really?

I find it exciting just to imagine being without these thoughts about death.

Like I can’t wait to see what happens when death comes, and I’ll be ready.

“The breeze blows that way, and that’s the way you go. You don’t ask questions anymore. You don’t evaluate why the breeze is blowing that way because you know that you don’t know why. And you know you can’t know why. There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment. That breeze changes the orientation of your life, moment to moment to moment, simply because that’s the way life’s moving. And when you’re living in your awakened self you have no argument with the way it’s moving because it is the same as you are.” ~ Adyashanti

Love, Grace

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A Terrifying Story Turns Funny

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inquiry always leaves you with less of a story…or a funnier one

I was working with a woman who had a very troubling memory.

Raging in her household, frightened times, hiding in a closet.

These dramatic experiences are difficult to remember and recall. Isn’t this the stuff worth forgetting? Don’t I prefer to get away from it, not dredge it up, shaking the bottle of settled water with sediment sitting on the bottom?

Now, the bottle is full of cloudy water! I hate this! Why do I want to look at that old memory, what good could it possibly do?!

It’s naturally human to feel resistance to remembering something difficult. And no one says you have to go over it again.

But with The Work, what I noticed for me is…..

…..the profound relief of discovering my memories getting resolved and taking their natural place.

In the past.

And sometimes, they become kind of funny, instead of horrific.

A memory.

I am in the dining room with my entire family, everyone has just taken their seat (we always sit in the same seats) and the meal is beautiful and elegant. Silverware, place mats, traditional antique grand table.

One of my sisters and I have set up a tape recorder to “PLAY” on the side board with a one-hour recording tape running. The tape recorder went missing for awhile, under someone’s bed, but now we’ve found a new blank tape and are working as spies.

Dinner is served, the meal is underway. My sister and I keep looking at each other and giggling, knowing EVERYTHING is being recorded. We are doing a great secret job.

We’re giddy with excitement. My other sisters who don’t even know we’ve got the tape recorder running both chime in with the giggling, getting in the game, and someone laughs boisterously and everyone’s snorting at once.

There’s a commotion.

Suddenly dad slams both palms down on the table, stands up, yells “I want some goddamn quiet in here!!!!”

We’re frozen and silent.

He hits his hand on the wall and shouts again “goddamnit!” and storms out of the dining room.

We hear the door slam as he leaves.

My mom gets up silently and starts clearing the plates and tells us to help.

We all clear the table to the kitchen, put dishes in the dishwasher. My mom goes upstairs with the two younger sisters. There’s empty quiet in the kitchen.

My sister and I nod to each other, and meet at the tape recorder.

Silently, I push rewind and we stare at the humming wheels, speeding back to the beginning until clunk, it hits the beginning. I slowly reach to the PLAY button, and push it.  We stand, huddled over the recorder with the volume very low and we listen intently, not saying a word.

We hear the whole dinner table scene….and then….the terrible YELL from my dad.

With a panic my sister punches the STOP button and we both gasp and cover our mouths with horror. We have actually recorded a most terrible moment. Our hearts are beating.

Get that moment off the tape recorder, ASAP. I push erase and rewind.

Now, decades later, I marvel remembering that incident.

It was a “terrible” moment. My dad left the house for hours. He wasn’t even home yet when we went to bed.

And who am I now, in this moment, remembering that dinner table, and all my sisters, and the giggling and laughing and snorting, and my dad losing it?

Weird.

The coincidence of actually TAPE RECORDING one of the few times my dad absolutely lost his temper and stormed out of the house.

Who could have planned it?

I see now how ingenious reality was.

Making it double-obvious and crystal clear that an angry explosion had just happened. And reminding me so well about my terror of my dad getting angry and the absurdity of catching it on tape, I get to remember that moment with fresh eyes.

The eyes of much greater wisdom, and the heart of someone who can see something that is not frightening, now that I think about it.

Maybe this loving heart and these wiser eyes were also there all the way back then, when I felt like the whole situation was my fault and I was the oldest and shouldn’t have shaken things up like that.

Without my beliefs about anger and my father, or anyone else’s anger, I feel so much lighter.

I even feel like chuckling at that scene.

Or belly laughing.

That was HILARIOUS the way that happened. Don’t you agree?

Maybe you can see your difficult memory with different eyes and heart as well?

Even if your memory really wasn’t that funny….maybe you notice that right now, here, you are completely safe and its over, and its OK to take a look at what was going on back in that memory, to see if you missed anything.

Maybe something you thought was true, actually isn’t?

“Inquiry always leaves you with less of a story. Who would you be without your story? You never know until you inquire. There is no story that is you or that leads to you. Every story leads away from you. You are what exists before all stories. You are what remains when the story is understood.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

P.S. We’re talking about Desire in a free webinar today at 10 am Pacific. Come on over! Visit yesterday’s Grace Note for link.

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Eating Peace: One Key Hidden Mistaken Belief That Feeds Compulsion

There is one really powerful, deep, intense and VERY stressful belief system that often remains hidden when it comes to food and eating….

….or any compulsive behavior.

But it’s a biggie for those who eat compulsively or secretly.

It’s called Attack of The Self.

Watch here and find out how I handle it, and work with this system of thinking the self is wrong, bad, missing something, or stupid to have this problem called overeating, or binge-eating, or compulsive self-starvation.

I’d love to hear your comments.

Much love, and lots of peace,

Grace