Grace Notes

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Holding On To Nothing

outerspace
Who would you be without your story?

On retreat, where the focus of attention is being in silence and wondering about life, the noise of one’s own story can get very dim.

Or practically turn off.

Or not have so much meaning, or any meaning.

It’s weird.

Today I’ve been sitting in silence, feeling the quiet of the environment.

Doves cooing, a light breeze blowing through the open screened window, a murmur of voices in the far off kitchen.

Sound is present, and pictures float across my mind–even during meditation sessions.

That upcoming retreat, where I will apparently be the facilitator (although everyone will be facilitating themselves really).

My drive home–I get a flash of being on the road heading north, not south.

Noticing the thought “it will be Thursday” about when this will happen.

A feeling in the body rises up like a little flare–an ache in an area that was injured–then falls back down.

The thought of sleepiness, and idea “I could get coffee” and watching the body not move, and not go to sleep either.

A tune falls through the space, from inside my head, a song I find hilarious and love dancing to “I’m so fancy….”

Why is that song repeating itself, when the last time I heard it was over a week ago probably?

Shoes inside of slippers, weight of blanket, flashes of color from a prism outside shining in the sun and sparkling in a circle through this living room.

So much happening, in this now.

Everything so temporary, like a match being lit, shining, burning out, smoke.

Is this the “I am” my friend Nisargadatta talks about, the thing underneath all stories, the thing that watches everything pass by?

Coming out of nothing and nowhere, going into nothing and nowhere.

Who would you be without your story…..of this world?

Watching it.

Understanding nothing.

Trusting. Loving.

“We each have our private salvation project…..but if I can learn to be happy even though I’m not getting my own way, that’s the end of suffering.” ~ Richard Rohr

“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.” ~ Tao Te Ching #74 

Much love, Grace

 

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Hearing Your Own Thoughts

openroadI’ve been driving on the beautiful road from Seattle in the state of Washington, USA all the way to California.
Stopping with dear friends yesterday was such a treat.
Talking, sharing, asking questions, looking, connecting.
I used to be very shy about talking with people. I would feel adrenaline upon entering a group gathering, or a party.
Even now, I feel excitement and wonder as I move to visit even one person.
Thoughts float through like “I wonder what we’ll talk about?” or “I want to make sure to ask her about x” or “I’ll tell him all about my interactions with y since it’s been troubling”.
Isn’t it funny how it can feel different to be in the presence of someone vs being alone with yourself?
What’s the difference?
In the most simple way, I notice the inner voices freely blab about anything and everything–they have a sort of non-logical wild way about them. They chatter. They don’t hold back.
To put it mildly.
They have no trouble, at all, with speaking every thought that appears.
You wouldn’t say to anyone else, sometimes, what you say to yourself.
That commentator is a maniac, and can be a bit vicious or crazy, right?
But who would you be without the belief that the commentator says anything true?
I notice I feel the space in the room with the person I’m talking with. I delight in this connection. I have a smile about being with them, whatever they’re doing and wherever they are and whatever they say.
What if you felt this very same way about YOU?
Even in your car, or on a walk, all by yourself in the silence and thinking voices.
“There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind – you are the one who hears it.” ~ Michael Singer 
Much love,
Grace
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Be Honest And Set Yourself Free

koalagrouphug
Year of Inquiry group hug – even when its virtual

Several months ago when Year of Inquiry met to question thoughts together one morning via teleconference….a very interesting thought appeared for investigation.

Our topic was  Authority.
Power, control, being bossed, trying to boss yourself, getting manipulated, having concern with who or what is in charge.
People in YOI once again had really profound and varied worksheets, unique to their experiences.
One wonderful inquirer had a few thoughts about Society and how controlling it is about sexuality.
He should, she should, they should….
One thought rose to the surface, very painful and nerve-racking:
Men leave women who don’t want to “x”.
I’m making sure this note is rated G.
You get the idea though. Someone leaves if someone else doesn’t do what they want.
What a frightening and controlling thought.
If I do it, I feel like a slave. If I don’t do it, I’m abandoned.
Rats. No win.
This kind of dynamic can happen in all kinds of relationships that have nothing to do with requests related to sexuality at all.
On the job between boss and employee, or between parents and children, or between friends, or neighbors.
Pretty much between any two people. Period.
If I don’t do what that person wants, I will be abandoned. If they don’t do what I want, I will abandon them!
Dang! Wait a Second! This is true!
I’ve been ditched and I’ve done the ditching a bunch of times because what was wanted by someone…..didn’t happen!!!
Are you sure that’s true?
Yes.
Ask anyone.
When people’s relationships end and someone gets left, it’s because one person wasn’t getting what they wanted from the other person.
Are you completely sure of this?
Well….No.
How do you react when you believe you get left when someone else doesn’t get what they want from you?
Sigh. It’s hard.
Lots of examining relationships, to make sure I’m doing OK, make sure I’m giving enough, being a good friend, a good partner, a good sibling, a good earner, a good pleaser, a good daughter, a good teacher, a good student, a good worker, a good mother, a good granddaughter, a good neighbor, a good citizen.
Anything. But. Abandonment.
But who would you be without that thought?
Without the belief that being left had something to do with you? That you can prevent leaving from occurring? That your leaving had something to do with them? Or that you know what’s best for everyone involved?
Woah.
What if the way it went, or the way it’s going to go, is going to be the best way ever? What if people will do what people will do….and it’s really not so personal?
Turning it around…
If I don’t do what I want, I will be abandoned–by myself!  
Sooooo True!
And let’s face it, we feel awful when we abandon ourselves.
Someone in our inquiry group said “No one ever talks about this!”
She was relieved, loving the freedom to speak and hear from others.
I thought….everyone here is connecting, sharing very honestly, doing the work on a stressful belief about something extremely intimate.
We were all, in that very moment of connecting, sharing and truth-telling….
….we were all experiencing whatever the opposite is of abandoned…..
…set free.
Just like all honest conversations.
“Your enemy is the teacher who shows you what you haven’t healed yet. Any place you defend is where you’re still suffering. There’s nothing out there that can oppose you. There is just fluid motion, like the wind….I am everything that I have ever called other people; they were me all along.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace
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Being With Byron Katie in Seattle this summer

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Join Us for Being With Byron Katie via internet in Seattle…July 11-14, 2015

Have you ever sent out party invitations….and you weren’t sure who was able to come?

That’s how I felt when I first knew I wanted to gather with a whole handful of inquirers….people who love The Work and love self-inquiry….

….and watch Byron Katie on the big screen, bringing her amazing process known as The Work to life in her unique and dynamic way.

Katie’s facilitation of The Work is deep, and she’s been at it for over 30 years.

Every time I listen to Katie and watch her work with people, I learn something new. I laugh, I shake my head, I’m so moved.

She’s hilarious and direct—and now in her 70s, still leading workshops and retreats around the world.

“Being With Byron Katie” is an event happening this summer in Switzerland. We’re going to participate all the way from Seattle.

You are invited to watch it via the internet with me in Seattle, in a gorgeous lodge, at the very same time (9 hours delay) July 10-14.

I sent out the invitation….and so many people are coming! I’m thrilled!

The three private bedrooms in the lodge are spoken for. However, anyone who wishes can spend the night on a cot or mattress for $10. Sleepover! All inquirers welcome!

There’s space for commuters, and it’s only $165 for four days….attending the entire event (you’re welcome to arrive Friday night July 10th). This will be a fantastic opportunity to watch Katie conduct an entire 4 day event for a fraction of the usual fee.

The group gathering here will be a beautiful mix of people: certified facilitators (you can meet us!) and many lovers of The Work. Candidates in the Certification program and the Institute for The Work can earn 24 credits.

We will enjoy watching Katie, sharing insights, using the gorgeous kitchen facilities (we’ll share potluck lunch together for everyone who wishes) and we’ll hold one silent meditation session per day between lunch and the afternoon session with Katie.

This will be a time of community and learning, insight and love.

I would love you to join me at my special gathering for The Work with Katie herself via internet, and share in the peace movement.

Bedrooms are all reserved, but you may spend the night on really comfortable queen sized mattresses provided by the lodge. You’ll receive a separate bill if you’re staying overnight.

We’ll be located in Kenmore. Most people will commute and attend without spending the night.

We’re getting full, the group is spectacular. We’ll have a wonderful time together. There are a whole lotta people able to come!

Join us! Click here to register. Maximum 24 people.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: A Strange Thing To Do In Your Kitchen

Everyone’s heard of meditation, and that it’s supposed to be good for you….like vegetables.

Right?

But we’ll wait, or forget, or say “not enough time” or “too much work” or “I need a meditation room”.

What if you just stopped today, and got quiet and still right in the place you may have had the most restless energy in your life.

Your kitchen.

Pull up a chair next to the refrigerator. Or the stove.

You don’t have to close your eyes, or do anything special. In fact, this is about Not Doing Something (like eating) for once, just to see what that’s like.

Why not?

Let me know what happens.

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No Greater Misfortune Than This

woman with mirror self-love
no enemies – including you

The Relationship Hell to Heaven telegroup all joined our session last night, ready for once to do The Work on thoughts about shame and guilt….

….towards themselves.

It’s one of the only times I ever prompt people to consider what they feel most ashamed of in a relationship they’re working on, so we can investigate.

I notice I have thoughts about myself, every time, in every relationship I’ve ever experienced that holds some kind of conflict or disturbance.

A co-worker from many years ago who I was so upset about because she criticized me and reported me to a supervisor.

I was ashamed of being ratted on, even though it didn’t wind up meaning anything terrible and everything was cleared up pretty quickly.

She doesn’t like me. I’m a loser. I did something wrong.

What about that time when I dated two men at once? One of them cared.

I was ashamed I was being sneaky, I was unclear about all my feelings, too scattered, disloyal.

Or how about my conflict with a very dear friend, and really surprising betrayal?

I was ashamed of her seeing me as unprofessional, even crazy, someone without integrity.

I’ve shared before that my worst, most horrible shame was having an abortion, and before that, having an eating disorder.

I thought of myself as a violent, selfish, completely screwed up human being.

The thing is….shame about oneself is a strange and tricky trap.

You get stuck in the mental story that you’ve done something terribly wrong and embarrassing, and this sick feeling in your stomach pushes that shame deep down like a thorn stuck inside, and you have to keep it from ever coming out, lest people discover the true and horrible you.

But who would you be without the story that there’s something wrong with you, or you did something unforgivable, or something’s missing, or you aren’t worthy, or desirable, or you’re a cheater, or a loser, or too “x” or not enough “y”?

It’s a lot to unravel at once, in these words…..maybe too much.

But just imagine who you would be without stories of YOU being OFF?

What if there was simply nothing to do, nothing to learn, nothing to forgive, nothing to fix, nothing to find, nothing to add, nothing to change, nothing to clarify, nothing to make sense of….

….about you?

Ha ha ha ha!

Can you feel the burden of shame get set down, with this idea?

Can you feel the connection to self-love and compassion, no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done?

What if you’ve always been doing the best you can?

“There is no greater illusion than fear, no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself, no greater misfortune than having an enemy.” ~ Tao Te Ching #46

This enemy includes you.

Much love, Grace

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Pain, Injury and Sickness….Oh My

scared
Cancer, injury, accidents….so frightening! Can you question your thoughts about what’s terrifying?

This week’s Peace Talk podcast episodes are about sickness, injury and pain….oh my.

Lions and tigers and bears….oh my!!

Many of us agree with what is frightening, horrifying, tragic and awful about life.

I don’t even need to tell stories to remind you.

You’ve already learned what is “bad” in life, right? You learned it at a young age.

When I was six I stepped on a rose bush that had been pruned to the level of the earth, so it barely stuck up out of the soil, when running around in bare feet in the garden.

The very sharp base of this old rose bush went right into the soft center of my foot deeply, and the pain was agonizing….blood everywhere.

I had that memory for years.

The body getting hurt, sick, being in pain, feeling less than ideal….so hard to experience. Even the image of the body being ugly–too fat, too thin, too short, too tall.

All of this, trouble.

But who would you be without the belief that this difficult health experience, this hard or painful trauma, that condition….

….is not beautiful?

Weird, right?

And yet, fascinating.

It doesn’t mean you’re going on airy-fairy-sugar-and-sweet-peas weirdo to consider you might be wrong about seeing what you see as terrible…as terrible. It only means, you’re open to other options, to other ways.

I find it exciting, far less traumatic, and that a piece of me is actually in tune with what is….not with my opinion of what is.

Maybe more than only a piece of me.

What if there was an opportunity, in this condition you experienced? What if there was something beneficial, or helpful, or interesting in what’s happening for you, that so far has felt mostly frightening?

What if you aren’t seeing the whole picture, when it comes to the imperfection of life?

What if this world’s woes and sorrows aren’t really out of order?

I notice, it seems to be the way of it…..that things decay, get hurt, end, are destroyed, and come to a conclusion.

The way of it.

“Realizing that your life is never going to work out, and that it cannot ever work out, and that it isn’t ever supposed to work out, is the greatest relief, and brings the greatest ease, drawing you deeply into the sacredness of things as they actually are. Your life may be an imperfect mess, but it is an imperfect mess that is perfectly divine–a work of sacred art, even if you forget that sometimes.” ~ Jeff Foster

Maybe it’s OK that this rough, difficult, unexpected event or life-change has happened.

What if that was just as true, or truer, than your original thought?

Much love, Grace

P.S. Join me for Being With Byron Katie July 11-14 right here in Seattle–only $165 for 4 days with great people, and watching Katie lead a workshop live in Switzerland.

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Whether You Like It Or Not

Lately I have been working with some individuals on very deeply painful past memories and experiences.

These are situations that disrupted these peoples’ lives, maybe for years.

But what a striking thing to question….

….this very idea that those things in the past affected my whole life, and they shouldn’t have.

What if they should have?

What if the way it went, and the way it has been this morning, is actually OK?

The mind will say “NOOOOOOO!!! It is NOT OK the way it is. It must be different!”

I found my own mind concerned with the idea that so many people are suffering.

So sad. So difficult. So terrible. So many voices crying in the wilderness of life.

But without this belief?

Woah.

So funny.

Noticing it doesn’t matter whether I like it or not….

….or that even these people like or don’t like the way it went.

It’s like this, then like that.

That’s the way it rolls out.

All that can happen is questioning, remembering, being with All This no matter how I feel or think about it.

Whoever “I” is.

Noticing things that happened once, are over.

And suddenly, remembering this…..I feel as free as a bird flying high in the sky. Singing!

“Nobody has the power to allow this moment. The good news is that this moment is already allowed to be exactly as it is, whether ‘you’ like it or not. True freedom lies nowhere else but in the ‘suchness’ of this moment, the fragrance of the here and now.” ~ Jeff Foster

Much love, Grace

P.S. People are registering for Being With Byron Katie–we will have such a wonderful group July 11-14 right here in Seattle. Check it out, it will be a truly great summer communion with facilitators of The Work and other fantastic inquirers.

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I Look Forward To That….Seriously?

lookingfuture
I can’t wait for that to happen again!

In the Year of Inquiry group every third week of the month, we always spend time in what’s called “the turnaround to #6”.

Now, before you think that’s some weird secret code—if you’re not entirely familiar with The Work of Byron Katie—don’t worry.

You’ll catch on very fast, and it’s super cool.

All this exercise is, is a fantastic way of turning your thoughts upside down and shaking your frightening story loose….

…..possibly leaving you with a feeling of empowerment and openness you may find quite astonishing.

So here’s how it works.

Let’s say you’ve noticed you have some difficulty with a person in your life, or your job, or overeating.

We’ll often have big grand thoughts about a troubling situation.

“I don’t ever want to talk to that man again!”

“I don’t ever want to get cancer again!”

“I don’t ever want to eat too much at night again!”

“I don’t ever want to lose all my money again!”

“I don’t ever want to get divorced, break up, be abandoned again!”

You can find what you might say in a troubling situation you’ve experienced in your life (or you might be going through it now).

What is advised strongly in doing The Work is to first really look in depth at your situation. Write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet

(you’ll notice the last question on the JYN worksheet is “what is it that you don’t EVER want to experience again in this situation?”)

But once you’ve walked through the process of inquiry on several concepts you’ve thought of as really true….you can try on the famous Turnaround to #6!

Which is…..I am willing to _______. In fact, not only am I willing, but I look forward to ______.

I am willing to talk to that man again. Pause.

Think about that for a minute.

What if this was true? What if there was some kind of benefit in this turnaround, for your life personally?

When I got a cancer diagnosis in 2006, a huge bolt of adrenaline shot through me. I would need surgery for sure, to cut it out. And some testing.

I had The Work as a tool by then. I wrote a worksheet on cancer.

It wasn’t very nice, let’s put it that way.

How could I ever, ever consider the turnaround to #6 when it came to cancer?

I am willing to get cancer again.

Jeez. (Head shaking in a NO).

But I sat with it. I knew it could happen….that was reality.

What could be interesting about being willing to have it come along again?

Well….the awareness of having this one limited lifespan.

From that time of having cancer, getting divorced, and losing all my money….I found such powerful strength, I honestly can say without a doubt that I’ve never ever been the same.

I went from extreme introvert to making podcasts and writing these Grace Notes and running retreats, and sharing with so many people my inner life.

I feel like I made a leap on a cosmic level that I always wanted, but couldn’t reach.

It was invaluable.

OK. Yeah. So if that’s what part of the outcome could be….then SURE….

….I am willing to get cancer again.

And Part 2 is where you turn up the volume.

I look foward to it.

“I look forward to talking with that man again.”

“I look forward to getting cancer again.”

“I look forward to eating too much at night again!”

“I look forward to losing all my money again!”

“I look forward to getting divorced, breaking up, being abandoned again!”

I notice, it dissolves the barrier within of bracing against an uncomfortable future.

It takes the defense out of everything.

It opens me up to the pure state of vulnerable surrender that is actually always present.

It gives me a bring-it-on joy that’s relaxing, accepting of all that is, ready for anything, attuned to life on life’s terms.

This is not filling yourself with dread or worry….

….it’s the complete opposite. No holds barred.

It’s putting down carrying the heavy boulder of trying to hold up a future that doesn’t even exist.

It’s claiming…..I’m jumping in, no matter what happens.

Here we go, world!

Can you feel it?

“Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.” ~ Christopher Reevelookingfuture

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: One Question You Can Ask Yourself….Just One

In the middle of the Eating Peace Online Course (which is underway right now) people almost always reach a moment after the initial period of hopefulness….

….the reality that they are right here, with themselves, and no one can really come in and fix their eating issues for them.

I mean, you can’t hire a bodyguard or a personal assistant, or me, to walk around with you 24/7.

You’ll run up into a moment again where you want to eat, where you’re overcome with the urge and craving to stuff your face, or start graze-eating at night, or simply keep eating when you are not hungry….or you’ll decide to starve yourself and skip eating altogether.

I don’t care if you have huge binge-eating episodes and your disordered eating or starving is extreme (that was me) or if you battle over nighttime snacking….

….the shadows will come to the surface and you’ll have to be with them.

Here’s something you can do that’s very very simple (but not so easy, I know) if you get super confused, hopeless, whiney or feel like a gigantic victim.

Watch here to see the question I ask. See if you can answer honestly.

You may be surprised.

Lots of peace,
Grace
P.S. Notice this is coming out Thursday, instead of Wednesday? For those of you who did….Technology broke down yesterday. All fixed now!