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Having A Plan Can Hurt

Big Update on Year of Inquiry: I’m keepin’ the program cost low like last year rather than upgrade to a fancy venue with meals for retreats.

What that means is….a far lower fee, we potluck, some stay as guests in other peoples’ homes, you pick your own place to stay, it’s very homey. And we get to work very deeply.

Here’s just the facts:

YOI with Retreats, Telesessions, 4 Solo Sessions:

  • Regular payment – $2997 (paid in full)
  • Early Bird (by August 16th) – $2797 (paid in full)
  • Early Bird for YOI repeaters –  $2497
  • Payment Plan option – $1130 downpayment + $197 per month ($3297 total)

YOI with Tele Sessions and 4 Solo Sessions:

  • Regular payment  – $1997 (paid in full)
  • Early Bird (by August 16th) – $1797 (paid in full)
  • Payment Plan option – $197 per month ($2364 total)

undefined Click this button to sign up for the Full YOI Program with retreats in Seattle at the early bird rate.

undefined Click this button to sign up for the Tele Sessions Only YOI Program at the early bird rate.

Thanks for your emails and questions about all of this. Write any time if you’ve got more! If you are new to YOI, be sure to tell me about yourself by clicking HERE (the application).

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Which is a perfect segueway into a sometimes-stressful thought.

I need to know, plan and be clear about what’s going to happen in the future. Otherwise…..something bad will happen.

This can be around retreat-creation, workshops or ANY offerings, parties, festivities, big gatherings, concerts, retirement funds, vacations, holidays, educational programs, growth of your business, career plans, moving, selling things, an extended family dinner.

Man oh man this is big on stress. I’ve heard from many mothers who experience this when envisioning family gatherings or holidays.

I have to get organized, plan, make lists, implement, manage and set up whatever it is, or else….

OR….you may go the opposite way (I’m guilty of this, too). You may avoid lists, plans, structure. You may prefer to be spontaneous, last-minute, and resist being tied down. You may be forgetful of details or not naturally organized.

The thing is, both directions can bring a lot of stress. And some great reasons to dig in and discover more deeply what’s really bothering you.

In any situation where you’re thinking of the future and you feel some anxiety or determination or resistance that isn’t peaceful, what is the “bad” thing that you’re imagining could happen, if things don’t go right?

  • people will be disappointed
  • they need to love it, or they won’t come again
  • if I change my mind, they’ll be offended
  • if I don’t do it, no one will do it
  • there will be no gathering unless I make it happen (and it would be really sad if it doesn’t happen)
  • I’ll miss out
  • if it’s bad, it will be my fault
Bottom line, I want everyone including me to love it. All Good All The Time. No Mistakes. Safe, Responsible, Kind, Fair, Honest.

But who would you be without the belief that you HAVE to plan, organize, prevent disappointments, work hard, “make” it happen, put in effort that you don’t really want to put in?

Without the belief that something bad could happen, if you don’t?

It’s a huge, big question.

What….you mean….I wouldn’t need to put myself out, over-work to make an event perfect, run the show, get myself exhausted over making something just right?

Yes.

What would that be like, to not be concerned for the future?

What if you let yourself relax? Rest? Let it go? Enjoy yourself thoroughly, without trying to prevent upset from happening later?

What if you did not need approval, or safety, in the future? If you didn’t need to know what was happening at all? What if you didn’t care, in a good way, what other people decided?

“I am here to un-create. The only thing that exists is the belief that just arose. Prior to that belief, there was no existence. There is nothing to create, no one creating, no creation. Go back to the space between thoughts…A belief arises. Even ‘isn’t it a beautiful day?’ and you come out of the vastness. You’re out of the world, you left the world. You entered the world of illusion. Your natural state is prior to belief….Haven’t you noticed a plan hurts?” ~ Byron Katie

Wow.

Without ME planning, organizing, creating, without effort, or goals, or having to DO….I’m being. Things occur to me to do, I do it. Things even appear at the perfect time, to be done. I follow the inner gut feel that knows what to do.

“I am movement. I watch it do itself. I create nothing. It’s not my business. Un-do yourself. Drop your plan.” ~ Byron Katie

Nothing wrong with planning with integrity and peace, with packing your bag to go on a trip, with getting the car brakes tuned up, with cleaning the toilet, with setting your business fees, with joining a dating service, with enrolling in a special program, with inviting every family member (they say yes or no, both are good).

But soooooo much more fun.

“So there are two ways you can live: you can devote your life to staying in your comfort zone, or you can work on your freedom. In other words, you can devote your whole life to the process of making sure everything fits within your limited model, or you can devote your life to freeing yourself from the limits of your model.” ~ Michael Singer

Much love, Grace

P.S. Can’t wait to meet you if you’re coming to YOI. I also have a program in Eating Peace beginning later in September (new model, beta version) and will be teaching Relationship Hell To Heaven again in the fall (8 weeks).

 

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Mad, Sad, Scared: Can You Control Your Feelings?

saddollOne of the most intriguing studies in life is human emotional feelings.

Well, for me it’s been an incredible journey. I could tell from the time I was very young that my feelings were so powerful, they actually guided my behavior!

What a concept!

Even if I kept them to myself and didn’t express them very openly, or tell other people what I was feeling.

If I felt fear, for example….from the tiniest level worry, to sheer terror with a racing heart, sensations coursed through my body. I would naturally turn left instead of right, or withdraw, or hide, or plan my revenge, or avoid.

At the same time as realizing how powerful emotions were, my mind began to have a few things to say about “feelings”.

It wasn’t too difficult to pick up the general consensus about feelings…it was the way everyone around me believed. They all appeared to be pretty dang concerned about feelings.

My mom, my dad, my grandparents, the adults next door, the teachers. They all seemed to agree and make comments which said feeling big feelings was not cool. You should turn them off, not let them overtake you or ruin your day. You should tone them down, make them manageable, and be rational.

You need to control your upset feelings.

Rational meant you could talk, breathe, communicate easily, make logical or simple decisions, and not do anything over-the- top or weird. You certainly wouldn’t be blubbering or “losing control” or screaming, crying, throwing things, or even laughing too much or too long.

So the other day, a picture popped in my head of an old friend having a sobbing fit over something I can’t remember. I just recall we were having a heart-to-heart conversation, and he started crying in huge big convulsive waves and he couldn’t really talk anymore.

It was a long time ago. But my immediate thought in the middle of having that memory was “God, that guy was seriously F#$&*@ Up. What a Head Case.”

Oh. Hang on. Pause.

Maybe I could take a look again at sobbing and not be so quick to adopt the world view that it’s annoying? Or how about any huge expressive feeling?

Rage (someone screaming), Fear (someone shaking violently), Wanting (stalker-ish love sick behavior), Grief (wailing).

Instead of hacking these kinds of feelings to bits with judgment and being sure it’s true that expressing them intensely is messed up….how about I look a little deeper, even though I’ve looked at this many times before, and been in therapy and all kinds of modalities that talk about expressing your feelings all the time.

What’s so upsetting about FEELING?

Hmmm.

OK. Feelings show you are believing something stupid, you’re wrong, you’re not in control of yourself, you’re not seeing the full picture, you’re immature, you’re self-centered, you’re good for nothing (until you get your head back on straight), you’re mesmerized, you’re addicted, you’re not calm, you could do something dumb, and people will want to drop you like a hot potato.

Wow. That’s some very harsh judgment! Whew!

The thing is, when you stop here and attack yourself for feeling big feelings, they get wadded up in a condensed ball in the pit of your stomach somewhere.

Just like anything else you attack or dismiss.

Let’s look at it from the outside looking in, from this observation point.

If you feel terrible about your own Big Feeling, see if you can find someone else who’s cuttin’ loose with that feeling. Whether it’s love, hate, fear, sadness, insecurity, grief.

“That person is too emotional.”

Is it true?

Yes, it’s disturbing me.

Really? Are you sure?

No.

How do you react when you believe that person is too “x” (fill in the blank on the feeling you don’t like observing)?

I put up a shield between me and him. I believe he has a problem and is a problem. I get away. I quit speaking to him. I make him my enemy.

Who would I be without that belief that he is being too intense with his feeling of “x”?

I’d watch, quite fascinated. It would be like walking along a quiet river, and then turning the corner and there’s a waterfall. Big, loud, gushing.

I would stay. I would feel very connected with him. Wow, I might even give him a big hug and stay close physically, without receding or disappearing.

I had no idea this is who I would be without the thought!

No critical voice, no calling him names and saying he’s a crybaby or emotional wreck.

In fact, something inside my own body relaxes and expands and sinks down towards the earth. I absorb the waves, I’m not afraid of them. I feel them move through me. It feels good, and safe.

“Fear is your friend. Don’t try to block it, or hide it, or get drugs for it. It’s something created inside you….Welcome every fear, no matter how uncomfortable. Even a doubt. If a doubt arises, turn inward. See how you really feel in your heart, how it resonates. The heart is being. You will not make a mistake. The heart doesn’t want an answer, it just wants silence. If you want a speedy journey to awakening, feel your fear.” ~ Burt Harding

I turn the thought around: No one is too emotional, not this person I am observing, not myself, not anyone full of feelings.

When I do not “decide” or “know” that any feeling is bad, I am free to relax and allow all these movements of thought, feeling, energy in the body to be just as they are. I am not against them. I am not for them either. I am not trying to get rid of them or trying to praise them.

I am just being.

“Anything can appear within this presence including movements of fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, doubt, confusion, and any other so-called “negative emotion,” not to mention the positive thoughts and feelings.  Awareness is nothingness.  It is the space in which all things, all movements, appear and disappear.

If you truly want to be free, you will dispel the belief that awareness is supposed to feel or be experienced a certain way–either positive, negative, or neutral.  Even believing that awareness is totally neutral is a trap.  Neutrality is just another position.” ~ Scott Kiloby

Suddenly, I have an even greater glimpse of absolute freedom in the flow of all that is here.

No planning. No “working” to get myself to feel a certain way or not feel a certain way. Everything just is, I watch, there’s nothing I can do about it.

What are your concerns about feelings, big or small? What happens when you question these beliefs? What did you learn about an emotion (or more than one) that made you decide you must destroy it and never feel it?

I would love to hear. Click below on the link to leave a comment if you like.

“When you realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom, life becomes very kind.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

 

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Are You Sure There’s No Light, It’s Too Much?

sunrise_1024Sometimes several “incidents” happen around the same time, and by themselves perhaps each one would be manageable, but all together the anxiety provoked creates….well….

….Mass Anxiety.

My kid is in Geometry tutoring. For the first time in her life, I hear her say things like this:

“OMG, I get what Mr. Teacher was saying in Algebra last year….WOW, I’m going to know Geometry better than most of my friends….Mom, my junior year is going to be awesome.”

We add up the tutoring bill and discover funding for it is not possible the way we planned. We’re switching summer education plans as of today. She’s very upset.

Then….my hamstring injury starts hurting again for what seems like no apparent reason. I didn’t even push it too hard, I’ve been taking it easy. I finally take pain relievers, and nothing happens. I take two more. Barely touches it. Back hurts, neck hurts, achilles hurts, foot hurts. All on the right side. That right side is seriously a *$*%@ problem.

Three clients all report that even though they’ve been in The Work for awhile, catching their thoughts and questioning them, they felt like sh*t this weekend.

A few more inquirers who read Grace Notes write to me and say the same thing.

“My life is too overwhelming, my thoughts are too overwhelming, I can’t find solid ground…..maybe inquiry doesn’t work.”

Two really, really good close friends of mine get surprise shocking news about someone they love and they feel slammed to the ground, crushed by the universe, and very, very sad.

My communications with others, even brand new friends, seem like there’s not enough time, or something was off or confusing. She thought I was free all morning (but I was only free an hour). He thought I was calling him before the end of the day and I thought he was calling me. I blanked out completely on my Sunday morning session with a client.

Shut down everything! I QUIT! I GIVE UP! FORGET IT!

These events all float through the mind and feelings close in like walls coming closer and closer, squeezing and suffocating you practically to death.

Well….that may be a little dramatic, but sometimes not really.

Yesterday a group got together on the phone, a follow up call for everyone who attended the Breitenbush retreat last month.

We found an underlying thought to question: it is too much.

Whether it’s mind, my thinking, my negativity, that person, my loss, this challenge, her personality, my job, this problem….it’s simply too much.

Let’s take a look.

Hold all those bubbles of people, issues, scenes, situations, dilemmas, concerns in your mind. It doesn’t matter which ones. It may look like a fog bank, the weight of the world, blackness.

How do you react when you believe it’s too much?

Hopeless, shut down, screaming inside, full of rage, like crying and crying. Can’t take it anymore.

One big NO.

Sleepless hours, perseverating, analyzing….doomed feelings.

Pause. Deep breath.

Who would you be without the belief that it’s too much? Look around your environment. Start where you are right now.

Alive and breathing–check.

Heart beating–check.

Ground beneath my feet–check.

Bed to lie in, chair to sit on–check.

Something different here, besides all the thoughts and emotions colliding together in chaos.

A stillness. Can you feel it? Can you slow down enough to give yourself this peace, just for a second?

Can you notice how life is pulsing here, no matter how terrible your mind thinks it is?

“Instead of going through your life reacting to the content of your life…become aware of the now, beyond the phenomena that arises in it. What does that mean, to become aware of the now itself? You become aware of an undercurrent of stillness in which everything happens. You sense it. Even that’s not quite correct…. You realize that you ARE it. And then it’s so easy once you realize you are that deep undercurrent of stillness. The world is no longer problematic. That moment you know yourself to be that, whatever content is here, including the story of “me”, is no longer problematic.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Turn the thought around: I am too much, not “it” and all the situations, people, conversations, mistakes, things that were off, problems, events.

My thinking is taking it very seriously. My thoughts are overwhelming.

And I am more than all my thinking combined…..one thousand billion trillion times more…I am far too much for this minute problem, I am beyond mental noise and fears, I am quiet, I am love.

Could that be just as true, or truer?

“Let your self be one with something beyond it….I could see peace instead of this….there is nothing to fear.” ~ A Course In Miracles

Much love, Grace

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The Universe Gave Me Poop

Liberty Street BridgeThe smell was not going away.

There it was again. A whiff through the air when opening the washing machine. Leaning down closely to the open door and drawing a big breath through the nose.

No, not right here. But where? Where is that smell coming from?

Once again, I went through the routine of following my nose through the kitchen. Seems like it’s near the oven, but the oven is super clean (in fact the entire kitchen has been scrubbed down, pine sol poured into the garbage disposal, every cupboard entirely cleaned out).

It’s not the new fridge, that thing is brand spankin’ new.

My husband, who by the way doesn’t really smell any of this until now, wonders if it’s a dead animal under the house?

No one wants to go under the cottage into the crawl space. A friend comes over who isn’t afraid, he has a big flashlight.

He doesn’t have to go in more than one foot, and he sees broken pipes….

….and….brown stuff, under the pipes on the ground.

Our friend says “fecal matter”. 

We have a real, live, cesspool under our house. The toilet, shower, sink and washing machine have been dumping under the house for who knows how long. Maybe many months.

Great.

Kaboom. Stress. NOOOOOOOOO!

How much is this going to cost to fix?!!

The thoughts started in like a heavy rain storm pounding.

Just when I think I’m going to leave a small amount in savings, just when I thought we were done with house repairs (new roof this past winter), oh sure now that I’m entirely running on my own income another emergency, I can never get ahead, there is always someplace my money has to go, I can’t ever stop working working working, it’s not possible to rest or enjoy life, I hate being a homeowner, the universe is out to get me.

All from the thought “gross” to “how much?” to “I’m doomed” in less than two minutes.

Clenched fist punching the sky.

But luckily for me….the Money teleclass was about to start. So my mind was extra open and fresh and curious about money stories and the people writing to sign up.

Or maybe it was all the accumulated effect of doing the work on surprise alarming situations, many many times.

Something paused on the inside of me and didn’t go all the way down the hole. Almost as fast as the intense sinking, depressed, crushed feeling….came a whisper in my mind “is that true?”

This situation MEANS that the universe is out to get me…..but is that really true?

Do you have a situation like that?

It doesn’t have to be about money. You know the feeling.

Disaster. Terror. Rug pulled out and you are falling, falling and it hurts. Something feels like chaos. The unknown is pressing in.

This is strange though….but really look at your situation and see if you are totally and completely crushed, if you are destroyed, ruined, condemned.

Are you positive the universe is out to get you? Is it 100% mean, vicious, sadistic?

Stop and feel the moment. Just stop.

I was in my kitchen and even though a huge truck was pulling up, with special giant vacuum hoses and men with suits that zipped up over their heads, masks, booties that covered their shoes….

….something on the inside had stopped.

This is fascinating. Look how amazing this is. Wow, these guys have this job? Holy cow, what a crazy job–they clean up poop and sewage. What a cool and bizarre occupation. I wonder how much the hourly guys get paid?

Then, wow.

Their job matches my job. Mine is on the inside. Theirs is on the outside.

It’s a massive Clean Up job.

Time to get down under my house and start vacuuming. No matter what the smell, no matter how disgusting, ugly, frightening, creepy, sick, ill or old my thoughts are.

Time to expose them to the light.

I started laughing.

How do I react when I believe the thought that I am doomed and the universe is out to get me? That I can’t stand this and don’t have enough resources (money, time, energy, love) to help my situation?

Ugh. It’s like being kicked in the stomach.

I feel angry with the pipes. They should be intact. I feel guilty and enraged all at once with the condition of the earth under my cottage. I have visions of what it looks like down there, even though I haven’t even actually seen it myself. One of the clean up guys says there were a lot of maggots and maggot eggs.

OMG. Ewww.

You may have pictures in your mind of a terrible, difficult future. Of a life not worth living. You may be seeing a horror movie in your head.

But who would you be without this belief that the universe is out to crush you?

Sometimes, if your situation feels extreme and dire and grave, you may have to pause a moment and use your incredible imagination.

Yes, you have an imagination….have you noticed? Like the-whole-universe-hates-you-and-this-proves-it imagination?

May as well put that imagination to use in a way that feels better, since it’s going nuts anyway.

Who would you be if you couldn’t even have the thought that you’re doomed?

I see that in this moment, with guys in hazmat suits (because of this incident, I learned the word hazmat for the first time) life is exceptionally entertaining.

Really.

Guys are shouting and changing filters and bagging up huge black plastic garbage bags of “contaminated material”.

I have a live action movie happening in my own back yard.

Something is sprayed under the house with the word “enzyme” and a big chemical smell, but better than putrid stinky smell, invades the house, and then fades out within 24 hours.

And the guy tells me it will be $930.

Is that all?

No money terror, pipe fixed, smell gone, mind laughing, fun story added to life experiences, appreciation felt.

The same as when I question my troubled, ugly, stinking, dark, horror show thoughts about life.

I clean it up.

It smells better.

It’s waaaaay more fun, and entertaining. No complaints.

“To me, a car alarm is as beautiful as a bird singing. It’s all the sound of God. By its very nature, the mind is infinite. Once it has questioned its beliefs, it can find beauty in all things; it’s that open and free. This is not a philosophy. This is how world really is…..A mind that doesn’t question its judgments makes the world very small and dangerous. It must continue to fill the world with bad things and bad people, and in doing so it creates its own suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

Can I find beauty in a sewer spill?

Can I find beauty in a twisted mental freaked out fear-based story of complaining?

Does it get cleaned up?

Yes.

Much love, Grace

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August Session Summer Camp For The Mind

Very short one today everybody: Summer Camp For The Mind for August, the final frontier, starts next week.

Here are the dates for our month:

Mondays 8/4 and 8/18 4-5:30 pm

Tuesdays 8/5 and 8/19 8-9:30 am

Thursdays 8/14 and 8/28 9:30-11 am

All you need to do is dial the number and show up. It’s nice if you have a pen and paper somewhere close, but you don’t even really need that.

You can close your eyes, and inquire.

We always start with writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and then do The Work on at least one concept.

The collection of situations and thoughts are fascinating, and we share the power of group inquiry.

If you want to join, it’s only $97 for the month, and you pick whatever calls you want to join.

Or all of them. Seriously.

Sign up for August by clicking HERE. So good for practicing inquiry, and un-doing those pesky repetitive beliefs about your life.

We’re undoing those stories that create havoc, addictive behavior, stress, sadness or anxiety. This is a great way to get started with a supportive, connected group.

Or keep your practice going, to get to the heart of your own deepest work.

Come join us!

Much love,

Grace

 

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Create Hell or Heaven With Your Beliefs About Sexuality

Last shout-out for Our Wonderful Sexuality teleclass. It starts tomorrow, Weds at 9 am Pacific time. If you’ve taken this class before, it’s been revised and updated after teaching it six times.

(People repeating can take it again for half the fee–this is always the policy with any classes I teach, you can repeat them as often as you want or need to).

So I have a confession to make. True honesty has always, in the end, been the best policy.

It’s related to this topic of sexuality and sexual expression.

What I’m about to tell you obliterated the Me that wanted to have a strong or perfect, untainted persona when it came to being a devoted partner….

….and allowed me to be a regular mediocre human.

My icky thing I have to tell about has to with betrayal.

I’ll be blunt.

Once when I was in a committed partnership, I made out with another person, who was NOT my partner. I was also sometimes attracted to others. It would come along unexpectedly, and there it would be….attraction. This started when I was oh, about eighteen.

But when I actually acted out on it that time, I was sick with guilt, confusion, sadness….and very strangely, I was also suddenly on THAT side of the fence.

The side where I was the sneaky, twisted up “bad” person instead of the innocent one.

Wait. I’m the betrayer.

Oh, now I get it.

I’ve known amazing clients who had experiences of being in relationship in marriage, who found themselves moving towards someone else instead.

Their marriages as they knew them fell to smithereens. One was reborn again in a new, powerful way. The other was completely over.

Before my own personal experience, which seemed so unconscious and fogged out like being on a drug, I had the belief that people should and could control themselves when it came to having sexual contact with others outside of their primary relationship.

Those people who have affairs, or even just kiss someone else, are disgusting, lying cheaters. Some people get all upset about flirting, without any touch at all.

The rules are, you don’t lust after others, you aren’t interested in others, you keep your hands to yourself, you work it out with your partner first before you ditch your agreements.

I notice the rules get broken. Constantly.

But the worst part about loyalty, betrayal, commitment, expectations….is the self-hate when either you OR your partner break these rules.

I say ditch the rules and start from scratch, and see what feels truly most deep, right, honorable and kind when it comes to attraction, connection and actual contact.

Whether you are the perpetrator, or someone else was, you might feel the same sting of pain. It comes from one, deep and very painful underlying belief. You’re supposed to follow some set of ideal “rules” and if you don’t….

….you’re a horrible person (or they are).

Yes, this happens even if you are not the one who has had an affair or been sexual with anyone else, but your partner has. You may assume somewhere inside that you’ve been horrible, or they wouldn’t have done it.

So let’s take a look. It’s a freaky stressful belief. It’s very repetitive, and it causes a lot of pain for people.

I’ve heard Byron Katie facilitate people through The Work on affairs and break-ups many times.

So…..you are a horrible person.

Is that true?

Yes. I can hardly believe it went the way it did. There was hardly any pleasure in any of it. It caused pain to a dearly beloved. Dang it.

Can you be sure? Are you positive you were horrible?

Sigh. No.

How do you react when you believe you did it wrong, you made a mistake, you hurt other people, you were stupid?

Crushed. Irresponsible. A victim of feelings gone wild (either mine or my partners). Suspicious of all crazed attraction feelings. They are not to be trusted. Ever! People get hurt!

G*&%$#@ attraction feelings!!

Who would you be without the belief that you are horrible because of what has ensued?

“If my husband were cheating on me and I found out about it and if I experience heartache and pain and suffering, anger and sadness, any of it….I am creating that within me. Because I’m believing my thoughts about him. It’s as though it’s assumed that he doesn’t have a right to his own life….What are we believing? What are we believing, that is costing us our freedom, our birthright, which is happiness? And basically the awareness of our own true nature, which is love?~ Byron Katie

Without the belief that anyone is horrible, including you, you may simply move in another direction without rage or revenge.

You’d notice what works for you and what doesn’t. It’s easier.

Not so complicated and full of horror stories. Yes, that is OK with me. No, that’s a no. No big moral judgment on the whole thing like you are condemned or they are evil.

Turning the thought around: you’re a wonderful person.

How could this be true, even as you look and remember and watch what you did that you felt confused and terrible about?

If that’s a bit too much to think of yourself (or the person who did the terrible thing) as wonderful, just start finding examples of how you’re NOT a horrible person.

For me, I was feeling like testing a roller coaster ride (not horrible). I was feeling tired and dull and believing ideas about wanting excitement (not horrible). I was forgetting how much I adore my own company like no one else’s on the planet (not horrible). I was letting someone else’s words, behavior, actions override my inner sense of well-being (not horrible). I was imaging what freedom meant, what commitment meant, and what was expected of me that felt trapped (not horrible).

None of those assumptions made me horrible. They just made me a believer of my thoughts.

“The only reason anyone ever suffers or feels unhappy is they aren’t recognizing how still and peaceful they already are.” ~ Ross Oldenstadt

Maybe anyone who steps outside their own loving nature and hurts someone is not able, in that moment, to remember how awesome they are all by themselves.

It happens all the time. We’d remember if we could. It’s a process of evolution.

“She understands that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Tao. Because she believes in herself, she doesn’t try to convince others. Because she is content with herself, she doesn’t need others’ approval. Because she accepts herself, the whole world accepts her.” ~ Tao Te Ching #30 

If you’re having trouble accepting your actions or someone else’s when it comes to sexual expression….you may find profound insight in questioning your beliefs.

That’s what we’ll be doing in Our Wonderful Sexuality. Join us tomorrow if you can (I won’t be offering it again until next year).

But even without any teleclass, you can start your own inquiry on these topics. Question your mind and change your world. You can be free to be yourself, in every way, clearly and without guilt or suffering, abandonment or judgment.

You can love and accept anyone’s feelings of sexual attraction, including your own.

Replay back to this email if you want to join the 8 week teleclass tomorrow.

Much love, Grace

 

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Expand Your Money Love Story

One of the most helpful things in the world for me, in my life’s journey at a deep level, has been joining with other people to learn and practice.

Even though when it comes down to it, you have to actually travel the path yourself. If you’re ever had the thought that you get a little anxious, or concerned, or frustrated, or terrified about money….

….and you’re not even sure what you’re thinking that produces this reaction…. .

…a great way to find out more clearly is to take the teleclass Money: Loving This Story which starts tomorrow, Mondays, a 9 am Pacific Time.

Money means so much, it seems. Security, safety, opportunity, independence, freedom, power, change, detachment, adventure, excitement.

I use money, and do something with it, and I’ll get to have these feelings, these experiences. But what if you could unhook from the story of money, where you need it to feel better, or secure, or good?

What if instead of feeling frightened or controlled by a story about money that feels upsetting or distrusting, you knew your thoughts about money could be questioned when they are disturbing?

That’s what we’ll be cracking into in these two months ahead. When we’re all on the phone together, you get to hear other peoples’ thoughts and concerns about money….

….people with money, people who owe money, people without money, the ways you think you get money and receive money, what you “have” to do for money.

It’s very enlightening. It takes practice. You get to catch those speedy thoughts that zoom by so fast, they are practically unconscious.

You get to really see those moments that feel painful about money and where it’s going and what it’s doing, and what that means about YOU.

I’d love to have you join me tomorrow and begin to get this money thing sorted out. Together we can hear each other’s stories, drill into the specific situations that create trouble or concern, and question our beliefs and turn them around to the opposite.

Click HERE to sign up. Write me if you have questions. I probably won’t be offering this course for awhile since I’ll be busy with the new Year of Inquiry groups beginning in September (we get into Money pretty deeply in our fifth month together of YOI).

I’ll send out all the info you need this evening to dial-in tomorrow morning and make your money story joyful!

From Obsessive Torturous Thinking to Infinite Support Everywhere

“Can I really take a class on earning money and have the tortures of my obsessive thinking about it let go, even a little? Eight weeks later, the answer turns out to be, yes! What I am taking away from our work together, is that my source of support does not come from black scratchings on a piece of (bank statement) paper. My bed rock of support is already here, within and without, all around me. Thanks for the thought provoking questions, blog posts and your own findings throughout the class.” ~ Money Class Participant 2013

Much love, Grace

 

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Good News About Freedom: You Can Do It

A few announcements today, and a sacred poem.

Next weekend in Seattle….Saturday afternoon 7/26 we will have a meetup (suggested donation $10) in the Lake Forest Park Library.

Many people have RSVP’d so come on time if you want a seat in the meeting room. Can’t wait to meet you if you come. Here’s the link to find out more and to get on the RSVP list.

Monday, July 28th at 9 am Pacific Time we start the 8 week teleclass
MONEY: Loving Your Money Story. A powerful way to dig into your money confusion, worries, fears or irritations. Huge relief, and freedom, can result from inquiry on money.
Wednesday, July 30th at 9 am Pacific we start the 8 week teleclass Our Wonderful Sexuality. A newly revised, and very fun, look at what we believe about physical contact with others. If you notice you feel less than light, happy and thrilled about sex, join us!

Friday, August 1st Final Month of Summer Camp For The Mind!Only $97 and you can join any calls Monday 4 pm, Tuesday 8 am, Thursday 9:30 am (all times are Pacific Time). We don’t meet every single week, but many dates to choose from. Every call we arrive, get still, fill out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and do The Work.

After the summer….Year of Inquiry (YOI) begins in September. This is a small private group of inquirers who commit to a whole year of questioning thoughts together, with a new topic every month and two in-person retreats. More on YOI in weeks ahead.

If you long to see how inquiry leads to the deepest peace and awakening through practice, come see, come see.

You can do it.

Love, Grace

The Good News 

They don’t publish 
the good news. 
The good news is published 
by us. 
We have a special edition every moment, 
and we need you to read it. 
The good news is that you are alive, 
and the linden tree is still there, 
standing firm in the harsh Winter. 
The good news is that you have wonderful eyes 
to touch the blue sky. 
The good news is that your child is there before you, 
and your arms are available: 
hugging is possible. 
They only print what is wrong. 
Look at each of our special editions. 
We always offer the things that are not wrong. 
We want you to benefit from them 
and help protect them. 
The dandelion is there by the sidewalk, 
smiling its wondrous smile, 
singing the song of eternity. 
Listen! You have ears that can hear it. 
Bow your head. 
Listen to it. 
Leave behind the world of sorrow 
and preoccupation 
and get free. 
The latest good news 

is that you can do it. 

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

 

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That Person Who Hurt You–Choose Suffering or Peace

Today my retreat comes to an end, although I won’t be home for another 2 or 3 days.

I still get to connect with several friends, spend the night again in Ashland, Oregon on the way north, and be in a quiet car enjoying my thoughts as I drive back to Sea-Town.

And there will be many thoughts…that’s for sure.

That’s been what it’s like so far through life.

But there’s also something else, and this is phenomenally important if you want peace.

Noticing that thinking is not you.

On our last night of retreat, our little group elected to watch Oprah interview the fantastic and inspiring Michael Singer.

If you’ve been around Grace Notes for awhile, I put in quotes by Michael regularly.

Watching him on video, I was inspired all over again. There are many reasons, but one of them is that he has a juicy, tough, difficult, painful betrayal story.

He was falsely accused of a crime.

And yet…it was not painful at all.

He used it as an opportunity to grow, to lose the pieces of him that did not really matter, the ego-centered fearful pieces, the ones afraid of the future.

Many of us have experienced what we call betrayal.

Sometimes, like in Shakespearean drama, people set up and scheme whole manipulated stories in order to hurt others, win, get even, get revenge.

People tell secrets, start rumors that aren’t true, hurt other people, lie, steal, cheat, or sometimes even kill other people.

I had a dear friend once accuse me of faking that I don’t have a master’s degree, and telling other people behind my back instead of coming to me directly.

It was one of the weirdest experiences I have ever known. I sent her a copy of my degree.

But why would she do that?

Doesn’t the mind sooooo want to figure that out. Why? What’d I do? What’s wrong with her? How could she have ever assumed such a weird thing? Did I miss something? Was she mentally ill? Did she distort some part of my graduation history?

I need to understand that painful situation, I need to know why.

Is that true?

Wow. No.

Why do I need to get involved? Do I want peace, or drama in my life?

Peace.

How do I react when I believe I need to understand, resolve, settle that situation? When I believe I need to get why it happened?

Analyzing, rehashing, puzzled, confused, uncomfortable, sad, disappointed, shocked.

But who would I be without the belief that I need to understand that difficult experience, or the why, where, how, who, what-for of any of it?

“The prerequisite to true freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore. You must decide that you want to enjoy your life and that there is no reason for stress, inner pain, or fear.” ~ Michael Singer

Without the thought that I need to THINK and resolve this betrayal problem, or defend, or prove something….I rest in awareness where there are no big reactions.

I can observe from the silence that sees everything, the wide open space.

I turn the thought around: I do not need to understand that situation, I do not need to know why.

This is truer. I do not need to defend myself, or be passive either. I can take all the appropriate measures to be clear and kind and powerful.

From this crystal clear place, without suffering, I notice great compassion for those who commit crimes, who make big mistakes, who perpetrate damage or difficulty for others.

They are doing the best they can.

But most of all, this tough experience is an invitation to take the high road, the road to the higher self full of loving awareness, the place where I need not get hooked, controlled, or hurt by someone else in this world.

If I can be with this, in this kind of situation, I will be free. I will be free from that mind that has to get a handle on everything and figure bad, twisted stuff out. I will be free from the mind that is full of fear.

“It is impossible to be hurt except by your own thoughts.” ~ Course in Miracles 

If you feel hurt by someone….see if you can find inside of you the part that knows you are innocent, and all is well, and there is nothing to fear.
See if you can leave it alone, stop worrying about why it happened, and let everything be the way it is, no complaining.
You’ll be much happier that way. Guaranteed.
Love, Grace
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Can You Feel Love In This Moment?

Yesterday I got to spend time in my all-time favorite wonder of all wonders…..what is All This? Who am I? Where am I? Is it true?

Who would I be, what would I be, without thought, beyond thought?

Wow.

Either these are the most fun questions on the planet, or the most fun answers.

I am gathered in a small group of people who I adore. Even if I’m not sure of everyone’s family details or I don’t know major events in their lives.

It doesn’t matter.

There is a deep sense of everyone showing up with great love, being 100% in, committed to each other, listening to our hearts, accepting our minds, feeling our bodies, cherishing the words of the teacher we’re with (Ross Oldenstadt).

But the teacher is ultimately….the feeling of being alive.

Hearing the stories of awakening, searching and suffering from Ross and from the other people gathered is so intimate, like the sweetest thing I could ever taste in the world.

That moment.

And now….in my hotel room….

….Is this moment just as intimate, loving, spectacular, joyful?

Woah.

Yes.

If you aren’t sure you’re having a good moment today, maybe even right now as you read these words……double-check to see if it’s true that it’s not a good moment, or could be improved.

Are you sure?

Can you be absolutely positively sure?

How do you react when you believe THIS is not great. When you think it could be a little better. You could be more enlightened, other people could be nicer, the weather could be sunnier, you could be more successful, you could be healthier, you could be richer?

How do you react, what do you notice, when you think this isn’t that great, or that something is missing?

Dang.

Dissatisfied. Resentful. Gathering energy to renew forces on the Moment Improvement Project.

But what if right now was the most brilliant, stunning, loving, safe moment you could ever want or need?

Take a deep, deep breath and see if you can find the presence of loving kindness, tenderness, safety, joy, excitement, richness, abundance, and health….right now.

Not later, NOW.

In this room where I sit I hear a soft hum, very steady like a fan. The desk under my forearms as I type is cool and smooth. I smell the soap and feel clean after a shower. There are papers, a can of sardines, two apples, a hard drive, books, pens, a paper clip, someone’s business card.

Stuff is everywhere. The world is overflowing in this room, there is so much in here!

A screen brightly glowing that sends and receives messages to people and from people all over the world.

If you’re not sure this moment is amazing…don’t worry. 

You don’t have to think anything. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re a little disappointed with the moment. Or enraged.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is ‘out there’–as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering–the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

As long as I think the cause of my problem is that there is something missing, in this moment (including inside me) I’m suffering in paradise.

I notice the very same thing I feel with all my friends here, and Ross, during retreat, I also feel right now, typing on my laptop, brushing my teeth.

“A prince who believes himself to be a beggar can be convinced conclusively in one way only: he must behave as a prince and see what happens….With experience will come confidence…” ~ Nisargadatta

What an awesome, fascinating, peaceful moment this is right now.

Maybe yours is too?

Check to see.

Love, Grace