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Decisions Decisions! But The Universe Will Give You What You Need

Decisions Are Easier Than You Think
I have to make the right decision!

Recently I’ve been having a difficult time making a decision about leaving home to attend a big annual event (known as The Cleanse) with Byron Katie.

Don’t get me wrong….it’s a beautiful event where Byron Katie sits with an empty chair on stage, and one by one, people sit in the chair next to her to do The Work, to investigate a situation or person in their lives who’s giving them grief.

In the end, through 3.5 days of that available chair on stage, perhaps 20 or 30 people get to sit with Katie as she facilitates them in looking at their beliefs about something terrible that happened, or something super irritating, something tragic, even something tolerable but persistently stressful.

While the four questions are the same for everyone, Katie–like all of us–has her original and unique way of working with them.

The process is so fascinating delving into the mind and what we really believe is absolutely true, that 400 people will come just to listen.

So yeah. It’s a cool event.

So is staying home in Seattle with my family including my son who will be back from college, my very cute husband who has a birthday on January 4th, and festivities of connection with people I love.

Without airports.

When you have a decision to make between two really awesome things….what to do?

This can happen with far more than two options for where you’ll be located during a particular time of year.

You might have a choice between two people you’d really like to have a committed relationship with, you might have to choose between two delicious meals on the menu, you might have to choose should I stay or should I go….

….the important thing to note is “this is stressful!”

Which means….time to take a look.

What I’ve found in this decision-making angst are usually three OTHER stressful thoughts that are the real confusors:

  • I will miss something VERY meaningful
  • I could make the wrong decision
  • I can’t trust my decisions (because see #2)

But what if you didn’t have any of these beliefs?

What if you didn’t think you’d miss anything….EVER? No matter what?

Turning the thoughts around: I won’t miss anything, it’s not possible to make the wrong decision, I can trust all my decisions. 

Wow! Stunning!

What a load off!

I notice I look at flights, I look at hotels, I don’t make reservations, I feel joyful and I wind up talking with my friend Gai in Australia on skype and drinking tea.

It is obviously not necessary to know what I’m doing at the end of December right now.

I will have a clear yes or no when I do.

It may not actually even be up to “me”.

“The universe will give you what you need, against your best thought….When you do The Work and turn your thoughts around, you find advantages for what happens. You win if you’re right, you win if you’re wrong. In my life I always win, win, win, win…” ~ Byron Katie

In this moment now, all is well, future unknown.

As I feel this to be true, I realize that in the future, it will also be true….now.

Oh! I do always win!

Much love,

Grace

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No One Is Immune–So Invite It In

A couple of years ago, I attended a huge conference for mental health professionals in San Francisco.

One of my favorite teachers, Irving Yalom, was the keynote speaker, in his 80s.

Most people have never heard of him.

But he is famous in the world of mental health, a beloved psychotherapist who has taught at Stanford and practiced his profession for more than 40 years.

Irving Yalom wrote in one of his many books that the capacity to tolerate uncertainty is a prerequisite for becoming a therapist, and that really we are all in this together.

Like, we’re all going to die.

“We are all in this together and there is no therapist and no person immune to the inherent tragedies of existence.” ~ Irving Yalom

This reminded me of Byron Katie saying “there are no new thoughts!”

When I first read Loving What Is, I realized that I had so many objections I could write the book Upset With What Is.

And I really did want there to be some kind of way out of this predicament. I wanted immunity to the “tragedies” of existence.

I didn’t want bad stuff to happen.

Please!?

But now, even though I’ve gone through so many of these inherent tragedies of existence at this point (death, loss, addiction, fear, despair, grief) there is truly a strange acceptance of uncertainty.

Complete and total uncertainty.

So fabulous to question the belief “I need to be certain…I need to find out…I need to know…I need to immunize myself against tragedy!”

Without the belief I need to be certain….

….without the thought that I need to know anything, have answers, give advice, or help anyone (including myself) avoid pain….

….it is indeed a strange, wild, wonderful existence.

Turning it all around: I do not need to know, I don’t need to be certain of anything, I need to NOT know, I do not need to immunize myself against anything.

Strange and unusual for the mind to sit with.

And yet….exciting. Thrilling! Brilliant!

Instantly aware of the pulse below the surface even in this moment of life, of hearing noises of cars, tapping of fingers on laptop, checking clock for the hour, the slight ache in the back, the pale light of the room, heart beating, body warm.

Awesome surroundings. Miraculous.

I wouldn’t trade any of it.

And if I would, I’ve got The Work.

“The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes. Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” ~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

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Strangers Are Scary

Mini Retreat: Seattle 12/6 1:30-5:30 pm, full session in The Work from start to finish. Everyone will get to investigate at least one stressful situation from their lives, past or present.

Click here to read more and register to come. Limited to 12. 4 CEUs for mental health professionals.

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Who would you be without your beliefs about Other People?

The other night I ventured out to a party at an old friend’s house, someone I’ve known since high school days.

Taking off for an event at someone’s house alone….a party, a gathering, a dinner….a social event of some kind….

….isn’t the easiest thing in the world for some people.

Well, I should speak for myself.

I once felt very anxious almost every time I approached the scene of a party.

The voices are coming out of the windows, there are cars parked up and down the street squeezed nose to fender, music wafting into the night air, bright lights from inside.

Lots-of-people sounds.

If you’re like I once was (and I still have ideas waft through like this for sure) you may notice you get nervous at that moment. People are going to look at you when you go inside! They might talk with you, too!

Twenty-five years ago I was in a therapy group.

Those scary, scary humans, OMG!

(It was one of the best things I ever did in my healing process, by the way).

I had been in this marvelous group for over a year.

I shared with everyone during the little beginning check-in whats-going-on start of group that I was invited to a big huge party….but I didn’t really do so well at parties so I wasn’t going to go. Sometimes I drank too much alcohol. Staying in was better. Going out was risky.

One of the therapists stopped me.

“You know, there’s another option besides Not Going. You can go to a party and be completely honest.”

Gulp. What does she mean by that?

She went on:

“For example, you could walk in, look around, go stand near someone and say to them that you feel kind of nervous going to parties and you’re a super-extreme introvert.”

She said I could practice relaxing, not needing to “do” anything, see if a question comes to ask someone I encounter.

Oh.

Seriously?

With this other vision offered to me….it suddenly occurred to me that I had been locked into one story about large quantities of people all together in one place and what you were supposed to be like to be “successful” in that situation.

You were supposed to like attention, love talking with people, love asking and answering questions, and be entertaining, fun, pleasing and likable. You were supposed to be nice, friendly and polite.

But honest? About what you really thought and felt?

Woah. That had never ever occurred to me before.

Who would you be without your story that you are being watched by people with a critical eye, or they need to feel good around you, or you have to fake that you’re interested, or you’re going to “have” to talk to people and be nice?

Without that thought, I’d be totally free to take it all in, move in or out of conversations, or the rooms, connect with the human race, risk being perceived as weird, or quiet, or rude.

Sharing that I was nervous around big groups of people, with people, began a turnaround inside me, even though I didn’t know about Byron Katie yet.

I began practicing genuine honesty, and self-care, in large groups.

Sometimes I bumbled, it didn’t go so well, I screwed up, I got scared.

But then even though I felt shy, I’d try again.

The other night…I had such gratitude about humanity at that party.

The host who opened up his home and baked bread and chicken for guests, the band who played fabulous music, the old friends who I unexpectedly got to see after years and years, the new friends I met for fascinating conversations, the room, the lights, the chairs, the floor.

Even though there were tons of new faces and I had a little of that background of alarm when encountering the new and strange when I first walked in, I had the best time.

Keep questioning your beliefs that groups of people are scary, if you notice they are. Or boring, or irritating, or strange…whatever.

Maybe everyone you encounter is a friend, open, interested in sharing and connecting, curious, accepting, loving, kind, even if they’re also anxious. Maybe you belong everywhere.

Including this party.

Doesn’t that sound more fun, a bit lighter?

“There is only one nature, and it is friendly. If I am perceiving you as not friendly, it is THIS unfriendly mechanism [Katie points to head] that is perceiving the unfriendly….the only thing in that situation that needs to change is ME….Identify what you’re thinking and believing, wake yourself up, you’re in a dream!” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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When You Start At The Beginning, Where Should You Be?

When you're at the beginning, news flash: you may not be perfect.
When you’re at the beginning, news flash: you may not be perfect.

Oh boy.

Yesterday I took my first shot at recording a podcast (remember I mentioned my new Peace Talk Podcast many weeks ago)?

The project: create a five minute presentation about inquiry, peace work, peaceful thinking…and make it fun to listen to, for anyone interested in inner change.

I mean, awesome topic, right?

First, it took me awhile to figure out how you start a recording. I see where to plug in the microphone to the computer, but then, how do I use it?

Google. Youtube. Watch training. Look over notes.

Finally. OK.

Then…turn the thing on and start talking.

However, rambling away is not exactly interesting to other people, including me.

This is for inspiration and community!

This is to be of service, and have fun while doing it!

I listened, and said “that is DEFINITELY terrible” then pushed delete, then pushed re-record, then listened, then delete, then re-record again, then delete again, then re-record again…

…until…

“Who would I be without the thought that this five minute podcast needs to be fabulous, creative, hilarious, fun, enlightening, inspiring and moving?”

How the heck would I know, at this point, at the very beginning?

Without the thought….I notice I don’t delete the last take. I leave it. I stop that episode and consider what another different episode might look like.

I noticed I was taking it very seriously. Like listening to my own voice with such high expectations, nearly impossible to achieve.

Without the thought…I’m back to mediocre.

Which is what the underlying theme of the podcast is about in the first place.

Enlightenment, self-inquiry, awareness for the ordinary mediocre person.

Like me.

Suddenly I feel thrilled, excited. Life is bringing along yet another adventure in creativity.

Nothing special required, nothing extraordinary or beyond-human needed.

Only me and a greater community of people connecting.

I turn the beliefs around about what I’m imagining should happen, and instead imagine the opposite….hilarious!

I should sound like a dolt if I do, I don’t need to be like some brilliant luminary, I look forward to being boring, rambling or uninspiring. This may go nowhere, it may go somewhere, I’m only along for the ride. I have no idea how this exactly even came about as an option or an experiment, it just unfolded and here I am, recording something called a podcast on planet earth in the year 2014.

I’m at the BEGINNING.

“Only in this moment are we in reality. You and everyone can learn to live in the moment, as the moment, to love whatever is in front of you, to love it as you….The miracle of love comes to you in the presence of the uninterpreted moment.” ~ Byron Katie

The uninterpreted moment of woman sitting on couch with new orange microphone, talking out loud about inquiry, speaking honestly, hearing the voice that comes out like a melody, enjoying this fun story at the very first chapter perhaps, without a future.

No idea what will happen next. No need to know.

I’m where I should be, now.

Much love, Grace

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How To End A Facebook Freakout!

Yesterday I rediscovered a cool picture I bought rights to as I combed through laptop files. I decided it needed to go into one of my online places.

Somehow, this led to completely reorganizing my website appearance by a new photo in my kitchen, changin’ up the pages…and then…

….suddenly deciding without having planned it to recreate my facebook page, the one connected to my private practice (click here to “like” it by the way)!

I was rockin’ it. Bad ass business page creative.

Yeah! DIY!

I got so excited I decided to share by creation on my regularfacebook profile, the one most people have for facebook with all your friends, family, events, connections, photos and all that stuff.

I said “Hey look at this cover photo thingy, I just made this on my business page!”

I was feeling proud.

Eight hours later, I was back on facebook quick looking up an address for an event.

There was my little share. From eight hours ago.

With not one comment, not one “like”, not one “cool” or “good job” or ANYTHING. Not even from my mom.

Hello?

A few thoughts kicked in immediately from the peanut gallery:

No one likes what I made! They think it’s ugly….it’s too pink, I knew it! Nobody cares about my work/business life, people are ignoring my business side!

Nobody cares! They’re rejecting me!

Oh. Heh heh.

Not you, BTW.

Who was I yelling at anyway?

Good question.

Fabulous for inquiry around business, money, being noticed, attention…just in case you ever have these kinds of stressful thoughts yourself.

I noticed the most stressful thoughts were not so much that no one had noticed my post….

….but assuming they ignored it intentionally for some reason. Like probably because it had to do with my business.

Sigh.

I’ve only looked at this 100 times when I first started my business and needed to figure out how to get my message out into the world but was mortified with embarrassment at doing so.

You shouldn’t ever brag, or talk about yourself, or request money for services…

…or proudly show people your new DIY facebook business page cover.

Being Mother Teresa and doing everything for free is better.

Is that true?

Yes. Wait. No. No!!

It’s not true!

Where did I get that idea that seems to run so deep?

How do I react when I believe I shouldn’t get too over-excited about my work, and I shouldn’t brag about doing a business type activity?

Furious. Misled. Full of self-doubt.

Who would I be without the belief that talking about business and money is a delicate subject?!

Joyfully moving forward! Learning like gangbusters! Bragging all over the place–in a good way! Inspiring other people! Trying new things (like learning picmonkey to create facebook cover thingies)!

I turn the thought around: I’m rejecting myself and others all because of a flash moment of inactivity on the web. 

Crazy.

“Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation–from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for fun.” ~ Byron Katie

Even in a little moment of confusion, or wondering, or putting something out there that doesn’t get noticed….perhaps it doesn’t even get admired or well-received….

….who would you be if you spared yourself from seeking any approval?

Ahhhhhhh.

Much love, Grace

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Feeling Juicy, Delicious Abundance–Oh Yes You Can!

The steps to wealth

The other day I was strolling through shops on a street in a gorgeous part of my town, a dear friend visiting who wanted to see the city.

As we entered a quiet boutique, my eyes glazed over.

I nonchalantly picked up a sweater and immediately turned the glossy, elegant black paper tag so I could see the price.

$853.

I’ve had this same reaction before.

Who shops here? Is this real?

Why?

Then the wheels start cranking on what kind of person would actually purchase this or be interested or blah blah, Hollywood influence, luxury, boring, waste….

….all my judgments streaming by at 260 kilometers per hour.

Sigh.

Money.

What it means. What it is. What it’s doing. Who’s doing what with it….

….my favorite! 

How much would I have to have, to feel comfortable paying almost a grand for a sweater?

No idea at this point. Maybe there is no amount, I just wouldn’t be interested, ever.

At least I caught myself. In fact there was some part of me just chuckling from the sidelines, noticing I love that sad, less-than not-enough money story.

I should have more, they should have helped, I didn’t do, they did, I need, they don’t, they’re lucky, I’m not, I want, I need, compare, distract, hopeless, sinking, anxious, frustrated, I will never.

Never.

A very sad story.

This “never enough” story comes along in many other arenas for people besides money.

My relationship, my possessions, my safety, my body, love.

Who would you be without that Never Enough story?

No story at all of the past, where something uncomfortable happened (whether five minutes ago or forty years ago) AND no story of the future, where something better will happen (whether in five minutes or in ten years)?

I’d be right here.

Now.

Only now. No other place.

Noticing the memory of a soft, gorgeous sweater with numbers written on a tag on it because someone made that up, just like all numbers and money.

I would notice I have so much, it’s crazy.

Abundance, silent energy, pulsing life, ecstasy, energy, images in my head, excited because I love money and I love this moment. I feel like money is juicy and delicious and like I could eat it.

Laughing at how hilarious my mind is to think of this.

Without the belief that I don’t have enough, need more, long for that time later when price tags won’t matter….

….there would be no incessant measuring of anything.

Oh such delight at even imagining no stressful story about money in this moment! No hunger for money! No hunger at all!

You can do this with anything.

Start to imagine.

Forget your sad story.

Even forgetting just a tiny bit…may send you skipping down the street.

Or you could just think of skipping, you don’t even have to actually do it.

“Without opening you door, you can open your heart to the world. Without looking out your window, you can see the essence of the Tao. The more you know, the less you understand. The Master arrives without looking, achieve without doing a thing.” ~ Tao Te Ching #47

Ka-Boom. Right now, without doing a thing, I feel infinitely abundant. Unlimited. Generous!

You can too, right now.

Feel it?

Much love, Grace

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You Do Not Have To Be Good

Wild Geese Mary Oliver Grace Notes

Several people have written asking for the webinar link for Eating Peace. So I’m sending out an all-ears-and-eyes broadcast so you’re covered in case you wanted to watch it.
If you click the link to get the webinar, you’ll be automatically added to the special Eating Peace list if you are not on it already (you won’t be double-subscribed if you are). You can unsubscribe or update your info at absolutely any time by clicking the link at the bottom (it’s in tiny letters) of any note you receive.
Click Here to get the Eating Peace Webinar Presentation in your Inbox.
*******
People can be so self-critical, have you noticed?
The chatter about this “you” who you think you are is constant.
If you engage in behavior you don’t wind up liking (every kind of addictive behavior falls into this category usually) you can really get down on yourself.
I need this, I need that, I like this, I hate that, I did it wrong, I made a mistake, I’m not good enough, I’m guilty, I’m stupid, I should have done better, I shouldn’t have done that, I forgot, I was wrong, I was an idiot, I can’t do this, I give up, I’m hopeless, I’m a total failure.
I was once in a 12 step meeting going on about how horrible I was. I was struggling with food and eating. I don’t remember what I said, this was 30 years ago.
But I felt so horrendous, vile, disgusted with myself. I remember that I cried (and I always tried not to cry in front of other people, yet another mistake).
Someone passed me a note.
I never knew who.
It was written in blue ball point pen on a small rectangular piece of blank paper without lines, like the kind you would tear off a pad, something used for grocery lists.
It was folded in half when it arrived from a person to my left, passed along the row of chairs and hands.
Inside, I read…
…”You are a being of love. It is a form of negative grandiosity to reject yourself so thoroughly, to condemn yourself and criticize who you are.”
I still think about those words “negative grandiosity”.
Holy moly. That was TRUE.
I was the queen of rippin’ myself to shreds.
I’ll do it first, before YOU do it. I’ll rage and spit against who I am, and inflict self-punishment and anger, emotionally berate myself, hold myself back, and be ultra vicious.
It was like a way to let out all my intense anger and disappointment at the world, at life, at my experiences…
…in a twisted imploding introverted sort of acceptable way.
But who would I have been back then, without the belief that I deserved to be punished? That I did something incorrectly? That I made a mistake, was wrong, screwed up, and was a failure?
Without believing my anger was bad, my feelings were messed up?
I would have had a smidgeon of a sense of humor.
I might have wondered at the brilliance of a mind that invents a story called Horrible Me. The mind that thinks I’m supposed to be perfect all the time.
And here’s what’s funny…
I actually WAS someone without that thought.
Just like YOU are without YOUR thoughts, in this moment.
No matter what your history, your problems, your errors….the messiness and chaos you’ve experienced….you have had these dreadful, stressful thoughts….
….but you are also without these thoughts.
You can’t help it! You’re alive!
Thinking is not the only thing you’re doing all day long.
Right?
“You do not have to be good. 
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 
Meanwhile the world goes on. 
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairie and deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. 
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air are heading home again. 
Wherever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offer itself to your imagination, 
Calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” 
~ Mary Oliver

 

Much love, Grace

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You Never Did It Wrong

I’m having so much trouble…l can’t stop thinking I did something wrong. I googled the internet on abortion, and your name appeared.

I received this email and my heart went out to the author immediately.

She was struggling the way I had once struggled. Making what felt like a huge decision not to continue an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy.

When that happened for me many years ago, I was shocked by the sickness I felt, by the finality.

I had no idea I would be so horrified by my action. I was in favor of a woman’s right to choose. My mom had hosted abortion rights meetings at our home when I was a kid!

But all of the sudden, I wasn’t so sure. I suddenly understood why there were the debates. I thought I would go crazy with the suffering.

Six months later, I attended a special retreat program my mother had found called Rachel’s Vineyard. It was created as a non-profit to help especially Catholic women (and their partners) recover from abortion.

I was not Catholic. But raised Episcopalian, maybe it was close enough.

I had not been to anything with a religious overlay like that in many, many years.

It didn’t matter.

I thought…if anyone would feel like horse sh*t about having an abortion, it would be someone Catholic. I felt the same. Therefore, I’ll fit in.

The thing that was present at the core of that retreat was the message that I was not evil, I could forgive myself and find peace, and that there was normal life for me following an abortion.

And here, so many years later, I was talking with a lovely woman who also was not Catholic but who was also very surprised at the devastation she felt after making her choice.

“I went against reality” she said.

We set up a session to do The Work.

You may have something, too, that you feel terrible about doing.

That thing you feel ashamed of, that time you yelled and screamed at your kid, or your spouse, that time you lied, stole, cheated, schemed, held resentment, attacked.

You might feel like you acted against what was, you fought reality, you argued with reality, you debated, you forced, you pushed.

Find that moment…and let’s take a walk through that painful belief that brings much suffering.

You argued with reality.

Is that true?

Yes. (Deep sadness, regret, grief).

Are you positively sure? Did you go against reality?

Yes. I’m wrong. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have. I acted that way. I sinned. I was bad. I ate too much. I took the drugs. I drank. I smoked. I hurt someone else.

How do you react when you believe this?

Pure hell.

I picture the past over and over. I wish wish wish it could have gone differently. I’m so unhappy with me.

Regret. Regret. Regret. Horrible.

But who or what would you be without the belief that you went against reality, that you fought what was so and it should have turned out otherwise, that you made a mistake, that you were wrong?

Ugh. I can’t even find it. I have no idea. Impossible. I can’t feel OK about what happened, I just can’t. I can’t forgive myself.

Then.

A pause.

An opening, just a crack….without the thought. Without that belief in condemnation, punishment, wrong-ness, mistakes, unforgiveable-ness?

A deep breath.

I say “reality also included other children, a partner not ready, the existence of a procedure that was an option, your life in that moment in time.”

Reality included everything.

What happened was the best thing, the best way it could have gone.

Turning the thought around: I went with reality, I merged with reality, I was a part of reality with no separation. There was something right with me. There was no mistake. This is forgiveable. 

There was love.

Can you find that to be as true, or truer?

“It is only the illusion of a separate self (something that believes itself to be outside of life and living in other than the Now which is the only reality) who could believe it is possible to make mistakes. Because, in fact, there isn’t anything going on other than what IS.” ~ Cheri Huber

Who could you be today, as you go about your life, a person who has done nothing wrong, ever?

Try it on and see.

It’s OK. I promise.

Much love, Grace

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Welcome Internal Darkness to Get Lighter

An author and psychologist I admire who has worked with people recovering from addiction for 30 years, Frederick Woolverton, describes any addictive process as an attempt to avoid internal darkness.
I remember Adyashanti saying at a retreat that we’re all addicted to our thinking, we are all Addicts.
We’re all addicted to distracting ourselves, forgetting about ourselves for awhile. To getting away from that pesky dark emptiness we notice.
Yesterday, in the very first Eating Peace session I mentioned a quote by Pema Chodron.
She wrote “never underestimate the urge to bolt.”
 

OH DEAR.

Wait. Does this mean I have to go towards the darkness? Like, NOT avoid it?

But.

Darkness is scary.

The thing is, it’s actually a lot of work to run from darkness. More work, maybe, than you really know.

Like trying to run from your own shadow on a bright hot summer day out on the pavement…that shadow sticks with you for your every move.

Who would you be without the belief that you need to avoid your dark inner fears, traumas, grief, pain, suffering, sadness, rage?

They might just begin to well up in a deep cathartic and expressive gush….

….rolling right through you.

The good news is that just a drop of Willingness to be aware of what is happening inside of you, of being open to it instead of afraid of it, puts you on the path towards ending the annoying cycle of glimpsing darkness and trying to run away from it.

“Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain…you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain.”~ Eckhart Tolle

It can feel really difficult at first, when the addictive process you’re in doesn’t actually work anymore. When you stop using the substance or pattern, you may feel panicky or raw, or super-hyper sensitive.

Your pain may now be sitting there totally exposed and vulnerable, out in the open.

Other people also might see you looking like you’re having a feeling! A dark one!

But then….without THAT thought that something inside is worthy of running away from, is frightening enough to bolt from, is dangerous enough to avoid….

….truly wow.

It boils inside, it feels like it hurts, but I am nevertheless safe. I am riding this wave of pain or reaction.

It has somewhere to go, and I’m just here along for the ride.

“People who do The Work stop fearing pain. They relax into it. They watch it come and go, and they see that it always comes and goes at the perfect moment.” ~ Byron Katie

I turn the thought around: I don’t need to avoid my fears, worries, dark thoughts, rage, grief, sadness. I need to let them be here, as they are. I need to invite them in, to stay. I need to explore them, talk with them, love them. 

I need to stay, not bolt.

That’s the only way anything ever got lighter for me.

Much love, Grace

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Are You Separate Or Connected? Take A Moment And See, Right Now

One of my very closest friends texted me yesterday “Is there some kind of video thing you’re doing? And a webinar on eating?”

I cracked up.

Uh, that would be YES.

Major, huge project it feels like. Gathering, collecting, formulating what I’ve learned in the clearest way possible.

She reads Grace Notes, not the Eating Peace notes…so it makes sense she had no idea what was going on behind the scenes.

Isn’t that so true about everyone we encounter? Even when we think we know people really well?

It feels like this mind has a whole inner world that’s “behind the scenes”.

Busy, busy, busy.

But today…whether it’s morning, afternoon, dusk, dark night when you read this…

…take a moment now and imagine who you would be without the belief that you are separated somehow by your own mind doing it’s busy thing?

Without the belief that you are alone, even thought it appears you are a complete, contained entity with your own body, mind, desires, plans, and unique life story?

Who would you be without the thought that there are divisions and boundaries and borders between you….

….and the universe?

The universe that includes other people, streets, cars, mountains, plants, tables, chairs, horns, birds, pencils, televisions, music.

Can you feel how you are aware of all of it, in bits and pieces, taking it in through your mind and through your heart, your feelings, your awareness?

Who would you be without the thought that you are disconnected from all that is?

I notice how much I love my friend, and she doesn’t need to know anything about these details of preparing my new program or videos or whatever.

They don’t matter.

In the silence, we’re connected.

“But I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything.” ~ Alan Watts

Strange that it is easier to access this connection, often, when in silence, without words, without details, without a story.

Take a small moment of silence today and wait.

Don’t even try hard.

See what happens.

Much love, Grace

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